Fireplace log may cause fire.

January 24, 2002 3:36 PM

Fireplace log may cause fire. No kidding? "Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch" releases it's winners of "Wacky Warning Label" contest. Click on "Wacky Warning Label" button. Also, be sure to check out past winners, such the bottle of sleeping pills which says, "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
posted by msacheson (16 comments total)

I have a container of sand with these warnings on it:

"may cause cancer"
"keep out of reach of children"
"not for food or drug use"

Sand!?!
posted by plaino at 4:03 PM on January 24, 2002

I have a container of sand with these warnings on it:

"may cause cancer"
"keep out of reach of children"
"not for food or drug use"

Sand!?!
posted by plaino at 4:07 PM on January 24, 2002

Hmm, as amusing as this page is, why is there no was to verify anything on it? I mean there's a page full of "loony lawsuits", but the only information you get is maybe a location and this groups interpretation of the case. After the whole McDonald's lap burning case, I've become suspicious of these kinds of things.

I easily found the brief for FRANKENMUTH MUTUAL INSURANCE COMPANY v. MASTERS, et al. However, I the other cases I looked up I didn't have as much luck.
posted by betaray at 5:29 PM on January 24, 2002

ROFLMAO.

"Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft."
posted by schlaager at 9:02 PM on January 24, 2002

from a package of craft wire:

WARNING: Product is not a toy for small children

What gets me is the word "small", used to set aside a specific class of children implying that the wire is a toy for children who are not small.
posted by nathan_teske at 9:18 PM on January 24, 2002

I wonder what painfully obvious warning labels we should use for the Internet?

WARNING: May cause re-evaluation of world view and reduced sensitivity to lesbian cheerleader porn.
posted by johnnyace at 10:30 PM on January 24, 2002

What would be a good obvious wacky warning label for MetaFilter? May be habit-forming and if it's briefly inaccessible due to DNS issues, you may go through withdrawal symptoms. Well that's a given.
posted by ZachsMind at 12:55 AM on January 25, 2002

What would be a good obvious wacky warning label for MetaFilter?

Danger: More addictive than crack.
posted by kindall at 12:56 AM on January 25, 2002

It's easy to get a laugh out of absurdly obvious warnings, but please spare a thought for the poor folk who have to think of them in the first place. Here is a truncated transcript of a letter printed in the 1st Sept. issue of New Scientist:

"In recent months Feedback [the comic relief at the back of the magazine] has often commented on the apparently ridiculous safety instructions on modern products, but you have not drawn attention to the real cause of this problem. The latest EU safety (CE) regulations are so draconian that failure to warn of any risk, however ludicrous, could result in the imprisonment of the person in the manufacturing company that signed the CE certificate ... it costs a minimum of £40,000 for the various tests required to grant a product a certificate ... the signatory to the certificate is not only civilly but criminally liable for any injury [anyone] recieves. This even includes, for example, running a tap over a mains electric drill while it is plugged in.
Perhaps your scorn might be directed against this over-regulation, which is throttling small businesses, rather than at us poor chaps who have to lie awake at night trying to work out all the ways our products could injure a complete twit.

Scott Strachan, Edinburgh"

So there's the other side of the coin.
posted by stuporJIX at 3:58 AM on January 25, 2002

msacheson, you could easily have cut and pasted the short cut to the past winners page instead of having a FPP that reads like a help desk call. "No, click farther to the left, on the one that looks like a christmas gift box. Yes, it has a ribbon."
posted by dhartung at 4:56 AM on January 25, 2002

Warning: EU safety (CE) regulations may induce throttling.
posted by rory at 5:20 AM on January 25, 2002

What would be a good obvious wacky warning label for MetaFilter?

Kitten and pancake usage at your own risk. The Howie assumes no liability. Do not bend, fold, spindle or mutilate ponies.
posted by owillis at 5:41 AM on January 25, 2002

Two nights ago my son and I bought a frozen pizza to take home for dinner. The first warning on the box said "Do not eat pizza without cooking." The second said "Remove pizza from box, overwrap & cardboard."

How did our ancestors get through the 18th and 19th (and most of the 20th) centuries without helpful hints like these?
posted by LeLiLo at 6:10 AM on January 25, 2002

A couple of years ago, I got a new office chair, and I was so fascinated by the long list of "Important Safety Instructions" that I recorded them on my web site:

• Be sure the gas cylinder is inserted into the mechanism firmly. Improper connection may cause wobbling.
• Dispose of packing materials properly. Do not use plastic as head covering. It may cause suffocation.
• Do not stand on footring.
• Choose correct casters for different floor surfaces. [It continues about which casters to use for different surfaces and purposes.]
• Do not use chair as a step ladder. Use this chair only for seating one person at a time.
• Use this chair for its intended purposes only. Be sure to sit squarely on chair.
• Do not sit on any part of the chair except the seat.
• Do not sit on arms or backrest.
• Improper sitting may cause imbalances...resulting in bodily injury.
• Do not remove knobs or screws...to avoid chair collapse.
• Do not use chair unless all bolts, screws and knobs are tight.
• If any parts are missing, broken, damaged or worn, stop using the chair until repairs are made using factory authorized parts.
• Do not attempt to make any alterations on chair.
• Do not use chair on uneven floor surfaces. Always use the chair on flat surfaces to prevent accidents.
• Office Master chairs are designed for normal commercial use by persons 250 lbs. or less.

posted by tippiedog at 7:43 AM on January 25, 2002

This also reminds me of "Happy Fun Ball" from SNL a few years back. (It's also been mentioned/quoted a few times on MeFi)

dhartung, thanks for the help...all my browser showed on any page was the address of the home page.
posted by msacheson at 9:02 AM on January 25, 2002

if we all took responsibility for our actions, then labelling like this would be redundant. but if that happened we'd be living in an anarchistic utopia, without lawyers!
details of the stella leibeck vs mcdonalds 'hot coffee' case mentioned above.
posted by asok at 9:32 AM on January 25, 2002