You must be this tall to Ride or Die
July 30, 2014 10:57 AM   Subscribe

There's a lot of tragedy in the world lately. Please enjoy a video of DMX on an amusement park ride.
posted by MisantropicPainforest (27 comments total) 17 users marked this as a favorite

DMX sounds like DMX soundboard.
posted by 2bucksplus at 11:02 AM on July 30 [6 favorites]

Pretty much how I feel on those things, too. God bless you, DMX.
posted by Sticherbeast at 11:05 AM on July 30

Wow. He's really losing his mind.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:22 AM on July 30 [2 favorites]

I watched this twice and had an unholy few moments imagining how DMX would handle labor & childbirth - what with the screaming and barking and fear and bracing himself for the inevitable and post-trauma cigarette reflex. It was a supremely fascinating daydream and I don't know why my mind made that particular parallel but it also seems obvious as hell; "Ride or Die" indeed.

And I can't believe I'm making this comment right now.
But if anyone makes some conceptual art based on this idea I would be all over that.

posted by flex at 11:22 AM on July 30 [1 favorite]

Awesome. This is the second funniest DMX story ever. Though nothing could really beat this exchange from an interview he did in March of 2008:
Are you following the presidential race?
Not at all.

You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there’s Hillary Clinton.
His name is Barack?!

Barack Obama, yeah.

What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
Barack Obama?

What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
I ain’t really paying much attention.

I mean, it’s pretty big if a Black…
Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 11:27 AM on July 30 [15 favorites]

Well that's truther gold right there...
posted by Naberius at 11:28 AM on July 30 [6 favorites]

Someone call up DMX and tell him Obama's middle name
posted by 2bucksplus at 11:33 AM on July 30 [13 favorites]

For me, I have to admit, DMX isn't really a rapper at all, but the costar (with Jet Li) of Cradle 2 the Grave, which for me is the Roadhouse of the early aughts. I know it's as dumb as a box of hammers, but there's just something so earnestly pulpy and lovable about it that I just can't resist it.
posted by Naberius at 11:37 AM on July 30 [4 favorites]

We did that!
We did that!
G's up!
G's up!

posted by Thorzdad at 11:49 AM on July 30 [2 favorites]

May I have my minute and 36 seconds back please?
posted by fairmettle at 11:52 AM on July 30

Wow. He's really losing his mind.

Maybe he's really just acting the fool?
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 11:54 AM on July 30 [11 favorites]

I wish I had any reason at all to work "your momma ain't name you no damn barack" into conversation ever. Other than relaying the anecdote.
posted by sio42 at 11:57 AM on July 30 [1 favorite]

I always thought the most idiosyncratic tidbit about DMX is that he is an avid R/C vehicle enthusiast. There is something amusing about the contrast between rapping in a prison yard on the one hand and charging LiPo batteries for his r/c helicopter on the other.
posted by jnnla at 12:01 PM on July 30 [4 favorites]

I didn't know that thing about the R/C. That's charmingly odd.

Did you know he has fairly intense, debilitating asthma, to the point where it's sometimes been cited as the source of his rage?
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:04 PM on July 30

dirtyoldtown: Holy shit! So that's where this Boondocks piece came from. (2 minutes 2 seconds in is the 'interview', but the whole thing is worthing). It's almost word for word.

And yeah, that's really Herzog's voice.
posted by el io at 12:32 PM on July 30 [4 favorites]

Looks like DMX is on DXM.
posted by Splunge at 12:34 PM on July 30

Yup. That's where it's from. Here's the interview (from XXL) that the above exchange is quoted from.

I do want to say for the record that DMX not knowing who Barack Obama was isn't indicative that he's a moron or something. Rather, it's a good illustration of the alternate universe of DMX-ness in which DMX resides.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:35 PM on July 30 [5 favorites]

Ride or die, motherfucka.
posted by codacorolla at 12:36 PM on July 30

DirtyOldTown: "I do want to say for the record that DMX not knowing who Barack Obama was isn't indicative that he's a moron or something. Rather, it's a good illustration of the alternate universe of DMX-ness in which DMX reside"

I don't want to live in that alternative universe, but I would like to visit once in a while.

Someone aught tell him Barack used to go by the name Barry. I would love to hear what he thinks of that name.
posted by 724A at 12:46 PM on July 30

I drive by that thing frequently, at least a couple times per week. I have never gone on it. I doubt I would be any calmer. In fact, I think it is safe to say that I would scream like a middle-aged man terrified for his life, and might possibly need a change of underwear after the ride was over.

I'm just sayin'.
posted by Lokheed at 12:52 PM on July 30

If I ever set up a sock puppet on this site, I hereby promise I will name said account, "Your momma ain't name you no damn Barack."
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:57 PM on July 30 [5 favorites]

A while ago, I found myself wondering, "Is DMX in jail?" Then I thought, "wow, that would make a really good app: it could just update you on whether or not DMX was in jail." Then, I googled the question, and found that someone had beat me to the punch.

The fact that somewhere on this crazy blue marble, another human being not only had the same musings in re: DMX's legal status, but also a similar interest in informing other like-minded people definitely put a crack in my thick atheist shell and has made me wonder if there isn't something connecting all of us on a deeper, more thuggish level.
posted by artichoke_enthusiast at 2:22 PM on July 30 [6 favorites]

Last we heard from DMX, the legendarily loud and volatile rapper was wisely backing out of a celebrity boxing match against George Zimmerman that would have made a mockery of the Trayvon Martin tragedy.
I hadn't heard about this possibility and although it's probably a good thing that it never happened, I totally would have paid money for it. For charity. Mm hmm.

Today I learned at least three new things about DMX. Thanks, MetaFilter!
posted by nicodine at 3:47 PM on July 30

Yeah, thanks DirtyOldTown for the asthma info...I had no idea and that is another factoid that for whatever reason is very interesting to me. We really fleshed DMX out in this thread. In conclusion, DMX, it seems, is a land contrasts :)
posted by jnnla at 4:51 PM on July 30 [3 favorites]

I do not have a Stone Cold Ice Face and this will need to be rectified if I'm ever going to hang with the man.
posted by bpm140 at 4:53 PM on July 30 [2 favorites]

Other facts about DMX: he is good at rapping.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:20 PM on July 30

Potomac Avenue, is it cool that I imagined DMX saying the Das Racist line from "Michael Jackson": "I'm fucking great at rapping!"
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:48 PM on July 30

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