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Note how at no point does she look turned on. At all.
July 30, 2014 4:10 PM   Subscribe

Janet looks at 89 dicks. (SLYT) Janet, who has never seen a dick pic, is presented with a slideshow of 89 such pictures. This video is of Janet's reactions. (SFW visuals-wise, but contains close to four minutes of Janet saying "dick" and describing "dicks" over and over.
posted by DirtyOldTown (64 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite

 
Eponysterical, I know.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 4:15 PM on July 30, 2014 [5 favorites]


There is one dick pic in the video when she turns the ipad around, fyi, so not quite sfw.
posted by Huck500 at 4:20 PM on July 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


Actually she did seem kind of turned on at #70 - "hm, makes me wonder what he could do with that." Of course, I rewatched that one, and it could also be "what could he possibly do with that?!"

Anyway, hilarious and adorable. I kind of wish I could see the corresponding pics to her comments, but then.... I also kind of don't.
posted by obfuscation at 4:21 PM on July 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


There is one dick pic in the video when she turns the ipad around, fyi, so not quite sfw.

That penis belongs to Michelangelo's statue, David.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 4:21 PM on July 30, 2014 [4 favorites]


It's Michelangelo's David, so I don't think anyone will be fired for it.
posted by mathowie at 4:22 PM on July 30, 2014


It's Michelangelo's David, so I don't think anyone will be fired for it.

Unless you're a teacher in Texas that is.
posted by jeremias at 4:26 PM on July 30, 2014 [7 favorites]


I lost it at the dementor comment.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:37 PM on July 30, 2014 [3 favorites]


89 dicks? Let me guess...the US senate?
posted by yoink at 4:43 PM on July 30, 2014 [16 favorites]


how'd you like a picture of michelangelo's david?

what?

michelangelo's david. hang on.

jesus gross whats wrng with you?

lol
posted by notyou at 4:46 PM on July 30, 2014


Just they wait. David will be aspirational.
posted by vapidave at 4:53 PM on July 30, 2014


I lost it at the dementor comment.

Jesus, I hope you find it soon.

Also, "first verified foreign dick"? I wonder what that means.
posted by ODiV at 4:57 PM on July 30, 2014


This is what every visit to Tumblr is like for me.
posted by malthusan at 4:57 PM on July 30, 2014 [7 favorites]


Well, Marge Simpson had to resign from SNUH over David.
posted by Chrysostom at 4:59 PM on July 30, 2014 [3 favorites]


I'm not sure who's dick it is really matters in the workplace. It could just be a drawing of a dick and it would still be inappropriate.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:00 PM on July 30, 2014


"first verified foreign dick"? I wonder what that means.

Presumably the dick was uncircumcised?
posted by elizardbits at 5:08 PM on July 30, 2014


It's a video of a photograph of a famous marble statue of a dick.

Still, even dick thrice removed probably warrants a NSFW tag. Maybe especially.
posted by notyou at 5:08 PM on July 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


Presumably the dick was uncircumcised?

Nah, she comments about two or three of those prior to verifying the foreign one.

I'm guessing there was an international landmark in the background?

(But that doesn't work either, because it could just be a tourist.)
posted by radwolf76 at 5:10 PM on July 30, 2014


Yeah, she'd already commented on a couple of those, elizardbits.

Maybe there's a pair of speedos in the background or around the ankles.
posted by notyou at 5:12 PM on July 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


...flag tattoo?
posted by ODiV at 5:12 PM on July 30, 2014 [3 favorites]


Maybe that penis just looked like it hated freedom.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 5:13 PM on July 30, 2014 [37 favorites]


What workplace's Office Procedures, Policies and Guidelines are OK with "Janet Looks at 89 DickPics" but not OK with dicks themselves or artistic representations thereof.

"Oh yeah Karen, this is a video of a lady looking at and describing some humourous dicks, as I mentioned at the meeting. Oops! That's an ancient marble art schlong. I'll pack my things. Sorry, Karen."
posted by angerbot at 5:19 PM on July 30, 2014 [27 favorites]


My money's on background bidet or weird German shelf-toilet
posted by theodolite at 5:20 PM on July 30, 2014 [5 favorites]


Maybe the peen had a beret and a moustache and was carrying a baguette under it's, uh. Under it's balls.
posted by elizardbits at 5:22 PM on July 30, 2014 [28 favorites]


Shout out to the ever-amazing Critique My Dick Pic by @moscaddie who is surely doing God's work. (For real NSFW)
posted by naju at 5:24 PM on July 30, 2014 [11 favorites]


So is this like gym in the seventies?

I never got the showering thing. Not only because I never got the showering thing but because it was too scary to sweat and I didn't sweat because I was too scared to sweat and there were a bunch of asshole men who had gone though puberty when they were like ten and I was just a little stoner dude.
posted by vapidave at 5:26 PM on July 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


She went all Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally over #83. I'd like to see that one.
posted by fuse theorem at 5:28 PM on July 30, 2014 [2 favorites]


This was co-directed by The Chris Gethard Show's Human Fish! It looks like he learned a lot about this world of men during this project.
posted by Spiced Out Calvin Coolidge at 5:48 PM on July 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


I'm just amazed a woman named Janet is younger than me.
posted by interplanetjanet at 5:49 PM on July 30, 2014 [7 favorites]


and was carrying a baguette under it's, uh. Under it's balls

That would be quite foreign. All the guys around here carry stuff smartly BETWEEN the dick and balls.
posted by exogenous at 5:52 PM on July 30, 2014 [1 favorite]




See, now I want to see a video with the actual dicks inserted picture-in-picture-style for reference.
posted by oddman at 6:18 PM on July 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


Hmmm.... well that last comment probably cost me a few job interviews. (Glad I have tenure!)
posted by oddman at 6:18 PM on July 30, 2014 [2 favorites]


So had she never seen a picture of a penis or had she just never seen what's been come to be known as a 'dick pic'? Or had she never seen any penises at all and this was her first introduction to what they look like? I need context here.
posted by item at 6:37 PM on July 30, 2014


If international diplomacy was carried out with dick pics, would there be more wars or fewer wars?

Maybe the Voyager Golden record should have included a dick pic, like the Pioneer Plaque did.
posted by XMLicious at 7:10 PM on July 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


radwolf76: "I'm guessing there was an international landmark in the background?"

The Eiffel Tower, I'm assuming
posted by brundlefly at 7:18 PM on July 30, 2014 [2 favorites]


I'm just amazed a woman named Janet is younger than me.



Dammit.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:36 PM on July 30, 2014 [6 favorites]


item: She had never been sent a dick pic. She has seen them before and I am speculating, even tugged on one.
posted by 724A at 7:52 PM on July 30, 2014


Yes, there is a difference between "an image of a penis" and a dickpic. But I suspect you knew that already.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 8:07 PM on July 30, 2014


Janet is cool.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:09 PM on July 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


Sorry. No. This is stupid.

It wouldn't be funny if it were some guy looking, laughing, and commenting on women's breasts, either.
posted by BlueHorse at 8:27 PM on July 30, 2014 [4 favorites]


#julyforwomen
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:35 PM on July 30, 2014 [5 favorites]


It wouldn't be funny if it were some guy looking, laughing, and commenting on women's breasts, either.

It might be if women were the dominant sex and were constantly sending unrequested tit pics to dudes on their phones.
posted by RustyBrooks at 8:40 PM on July 30, 2014 [46 favorites]


That might be pretty funny if the guy was cool like Janet.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:21 PM on July 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


were constantly sending unrequested tit pics to dudes

Wait a second, you mean it's just me?
posted by 1adam12 at 10:11 PM on July 30, 2014 [5 favorites]


Unexpected female bits pics get sent more often than you'd think.
posted by jaduncan at 12:19 AM on July 31, 2014


Stay vigilant, everyone.
posted by naju at 12:24 AM on July 31, 2014 [1 favorite]


Unexpected female bits pics get sent more often than you'd think.

nooooo
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 12:57 AM on July 31, 2014 [1 favorite]


Wow i mean i know it's youtube, but the comments hating on her for... joking... about this, or something? just really confuse me.

Like what did she do here that was so awful? violate the laws of the universe by laughing at a mans genitals?
posted by emptythought at 3:31 AM on July 31, 2014


In a row?
posted by crocomancer at 4:17 AM on July 31, 2014 [5 favorites]


iolate the laws of the universe by laughing at a mans genitals?

What's the saying? Women fear men killing them, men fear women laughing at them.

I didn't say this was fair, right or made sense.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:14 AM on July 31, 2014


Stay tuned for my rebuttal video: 89 Pussies, where I critique 89 Kitty pictures snatched from cat-related AskMefis.
posted by FreezBoy at 5:30 AM on July 31, 2014


Unexpected female bits pics get sent more often than you'd think.

Not to me they don't.

Though based on the one guy at work who is actively dating (everyone else is married or bitterly single, so we are all experiencing modern dating through him), there's a high likelihood that your sexy photos will be shown to other people in the hallway. So I would approach the entire enterprise with some care, were I single.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:02 AM on July 31, 2014


"Oh this one has a Prince.. Al-bert?"
posted by slow graffiti at 6:14 AM on July 31, 2014


"89. My girlfriend looked at 89 dicks."
"In a row?"
posted by disconnect at 6:54 AM on July 31, 2014 [3 favorites]


tit pics are decidedly not a thing.
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 7:41 AM on July 31, 2014


I send them all the time.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:47 AM on July 31, 2014


Fun With Janet and Dicks
posted by chavenet at 9:55 AM on July 31, 2014


FreezBoy: "89 Pussies, where I critique 89 Kitty pictures snatched from cat-related AskMefis."

We can all see what you did there.
posted by chavenet at 9:59 AM on July 31, 2014


MisantropicPainforest: "tit pics are decidedly not a thing."

I beg to differ.
posted by chavenet at 10:00 AM on July 31, 2014 [1 favorite]


The Eiffel Tower, I'm assuming

Mayhap the Chunnel.
posted by dhartung at 10:54 AM on July 31, 2014


Also, "first verified foreign dick"? I wonder what that means.

Possibly related: Germany: the world's capital of penis enlargement
posted by effbot at 11:31 AM on July 31, 2014


"first verified foreign dick"? I wonder what that means.

It was a picture of FIFA President Sepp Blatter.
posted by The Bellman at 11:34 AM on July 31, 2014 [1 favorite]


Hah, when I was in college I rented a video like this. The ugliest ones you've ever seen in your life, photographed like they all had leprosy.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:21 PM on July 31, 2014


There is one priceless thing in the comments, this exchange:
(Asshole, name redacted): this whore in the video is a disgusting pervert, video is flagged´╗┐

(Reply by another user): hahahaa. wow. really? you called you her a whore/disgusting pervert yet the history of your own "liked videos" are "horny 16 year old in bus raping guys" "female pelvic exam" .."i can have an orgasm better from my head than my vagina" .. "picking up girls .." "penis lifting" .. "G-Spot Stimulation" on & on ..your hypocrisy is awesome.´╗┐
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:27 AM on August 2, 2014 [2 favorites]


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