Fine, you've guessed the ending to Game of Thrones
August 14, 2014 7:45 AM   Subscribe


 
as long as there is no psychic dragon sex, I'm cool with whatever happens
posted by thelonius at 7:49 AM on August 14, 2014 [6 favorites]


"We won’t spoil what that solution is, those most people active in the theorizing community probably have a pretty good guess."

God I hate when they do this. The vast majority of readers are not "active in the theorizing community." You're a journalist; your job is to convey information to people who do not currently know it.

Why did you write the damn article? What good are you?

EDIT: nevermind, they did below the fold, so to speak.
posted by leotrotsky at 7:50 AM on August 14, 2014 [3 favorites]


The Tommy Winterphall Theory.
posted by gauche at 7:50 AM on August 14, 2014 [21 favorites]


I am happy now that I have read those spoilers.
posted by Going To Maine at 7:51 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


There's thousands of people all talking about their own theories, obviously some are going to hit the mark no matter what.
posted by kmz at 7:51 AM on August 14, 2014 [3 favorites]


This is great news! For Ser Pounce!
posted by drezdn at 7:53 AM on August 14, 2014 [22 favorites]


Ronbledore confirmed.
posted by emmtee at 7:53 AM on August 14, 2014 [19 favorites]


Disclaimer: I have not read any of the books. I only watched three or four of the episodes. It just isn't my bag.

Having said that, it is the bag of a fuckload of people. Unless Martin's plan is "and in the end Han Solo comes disguised as Santa Claus and reveals that the dragons are all actually hyper-advanced popsicles", then, yeah, of course, someone has accurately guessed major spoilers. That's like saying "we took a poll of 100,000 people, and admit that some of the poll respondents guessed the number we were thinking of".
posted by Bugbread at 7:54 AM on August 14, 2014 [4 favorites]


Hot Pie is actually a Targaryen and will become king. This is the only theory.
posted by mcstayinskool at 7:54 AM on August 14, 2014 [20 favorites]


*camera zooms out slowly*
*Hodor holding a snow-globe.*

"HODOR!"

*smiles*
posted by Fizz at 7:55 AM on August 14, 2014 [53 favorites]


aha! Finally it will be revealed that Westros takes place in the far future and the crazy magic shit is the result of the holodeck Fantasy Simulator not being repaired in over a thousand years.
posted by The Whelk at 7:55 AM on August 14, 2014 [4 favorites]


as long as there is no psychic dragon sex, I'm cool with whatever happens

I understand that Anne McCaffrey's legal counsel is wicked fast with cease and desist orders...
posted by mikelieman at 7:56 AM on August 14, 2014 [7 favorites]


I'm only a casual fan of the series (I'm up to the first three books and most of the HBO show) and I came up with this pretty obvious conclusion too. As fans like to remind you, Game of Thrones is the first book the series name is A Song of Ice and Fire.
posted by 2bucksplus at 7:57 AM on August 14, 2014


I'm only cool with it if there's lots of dragon sex. (I can take or leave the "psychic" part.)

> I understand that Anne McCaffrey's legal counsel is wicked fast with cease
> and desist orders...

Shameless-but-topical self-link: Not nearly so much as you'd think. (Mild NSFW-ness below the fold.)
posted by sourcequench at 8:01 AM on August 14, 2014


yeeeeah as someone who read like the first two books and then caught up with the series lets just say uh


the foreshadowing is not subtle.
posted by The Whelk at 8:01 AM on August 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


It's proof that you don't need a million monkeys, as long as they're really, really active on the internet.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:01 AM on August 14, 2014 [3 favorites]


Yeah, there's actually a lot of active work on the problem of determining sharp bounds on the number of monkeys required.
posted by Wolfdog at 8:04 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


I seem to remember JK Rowling saying in a few interviews that, while writing HP, she scrupulously avoided fan theories and fanfiction for pretty much this reason. Some of them must be dead-on, if only by sheer chance, and she didn't want to risk being made to second-guess her plans, or being accused of copying from the fan community.

I have to respect his decision to not change his plans, though. I can definitely understand his desire to change things up and give readers a surprise but, unless he's extraordinarily careful and clever about it, suddenly going against all the carefully laid clues and chains of logic would feel like a huge betrayal of the world he's so carefully built.

(I'm pretty sure I know what the spoiler is and, while I'm trying to avoid having it finally confirmed by anything outside the story's universe, I don't think it's going to spoil my enjoyment.)
posted by metaBugs at 8:07 AM on August 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


the series name is A Song of Ice and Fire.

(show ends with Legend's Tim Curry sitting on the Iron Throne)
(cue Tangerine Dream)
(slow-motion unicorns gavotte through a dimly-lit dreamscape)
(as analog synths burble and tweep, the unicorns spear each main character through the chest)
(subtitles blink, "THIS IS IN-UNIVERSE, THIS IS HOW THESE CHARACTERS ACTUALLY DIE")
(the global applause actually causes Earth's crust to shatter)
(earthquakes destroy all of modern civilization as the continents reform to form Westeros)
(this is what life is now)
(the remaining eons of life on Earth are filled with people groaning at the smug know-it-alls who've already read the books)
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:08 AM on August 14, 2014 [4 favorites]


you too can join in the fun at Predicting Games Of Thrones
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:09 AM on August 14, 2014


It was all a very complicated and incredibly inventive advertising scheme by Sterling Cooper Draper Price.
posted by maxsparber at 8:16 AM on August 14, 2014 [4 favorites]


Stepfather of dragons
posted by 2bucksplus at 8:17 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


aha! Finally it will be revealed that Westros takes place in the far future and the crazy magic shit is the result of the holodeck Fantasy Simulator not being repaired in over a thousand years.

Wait, R'hllor, the Lord of Light is actually Lt. Barclay?!
posted by Atreides at 8:17 AM on August 14, 2014 [12 favorites]


I actually just watched a couple of YouTube videos that argued pretty compellingly that the R+L=J thing doesn't actually make that much sense based on the text (here's part 1 [obviously chock-a-block with spoilers], but the series isn't yet finished), which I appreciate because that never quite sat right with me for whatever reason. Or maybe I'm just a contrarian asshole.

In any case, GRRM said "At least one or two readers", which might just be covering his ass, but is probably not how I would have phrased it if I were confirming what's probably the most popular fan theory out there.
posted by Copronymus at 8:19 AM on August 14, 2014


They all end up lumberjacks in limbo, unable to move on until sudden fade to black.
posted by jeather at 8:20 AM on August 14, 2014


In the end they launch the dragons into the sun and live off the land.
posted by The Whelk at 8:23 AM on August 14, 2014 [11 favorites]


As useless as nipples on a breastplate.

Finish the books George Finish the books George Finish the books George Finish the books George Finish the books George Finish the books George Finish the books George Finish the books George
posted by lalochezia at 8:24 AM on August 14, 2014 [7 favorites]


It's gonna be dragons v. ice zombies, right? I think ice zombies are a 6 1/2 point favorite in Vegas. I'm halfway through the third book.
posted by mbd1mbd1 at 8:29 AM on August 14, 2014


The only acceptable ending is the last battle spilling over into the studio commissary and becoming an epic pie fight.
posted by delfin at 8:29 AM on August 14, 2014 [21 favorites]


The White Walkers arrive, then declare to the inhabitants of Westeros that "the experiment" was a failure, and another 5,000 years will be granted to see if any progress has indeed been made.

At this point, one of the Walkers mutters pithily about weither the extension will make any difference, on account of the rampant inbreeding which has transpired so far; this provokes the delegates of the Kingdoms to slaughter several Walkers before the rest beat a hasty retreat. United by blood, hatred and violence, the people of Westeros pledge to fight again for however long it takes.

In the course of the "victory" celebration, several royals are poisoned, kidnapped and hung, and at least one dragon is raped.
posted by Smart Dalek at 8:29 AM on August 14, 2014


So fandom theorizers just disintermediated the million monkeys?
posted by srboisvert at 8:30 AM on August 14, 2014


They invent McDonald's? Dragons on grilling, ice zombies on the McSlurry.
posted by biffa at 8:35 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


In the end they launch the dragons into the sun and live off the land.

I.E. everyone becomes a Dothraki.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:37 AM on August 14, 2014


the series name is A Song of Ice and Fire.

Cut to the FAR FUTURE of Westeros, which inexplicably looks like MODERN EARTH.
MELISANDRE and BRAN walk through a mall, discussing what it all means, and if the humans have learned enough to break the cycle this time.
Scene shifts to images of SNOW SHOVELS and GASOLINE, then PLOWS and LEAF BLOWERS.
Cue UPBEAT MUSIC.
CREDITS ROLL.

Wait, no, that was Battlestar Galactica. :P

Upon preview:
biffa, you reminded me of this.
posted by mordax at 8:38 AM on August 14, 2014 [7 favorites]


What if GRR plagiarized ideas from his fans, and is covering his tracks by saying they guessed it.
posted by stbalbach at 8:40 AM on August 14, 2014 [8 favorites]


What if GRR plagiarized ideas from his fans, and is covering his tracks by saying they guessed it.

Ha, and that's why the books have been so delayed. He totally blanked on where the story was going.
posted by 2bucksplus at 8:52 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


Whatever, I wish he'd just finish the books. I'm dreading the situation where the HBO show outruns the books and becomes the canonical version - what now, Patchface?
posted by RedOrGreen at 8:52 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


Hawkeye flies off on a dragon heading home. He looks down and sees that BJ has spelled out "Goodbye" using stones. The end.
posted by humanfont at 8:57 AM on August 14, 2014 [3 favorites]


it was all just a dream
posted by philip-random at 9:00 AM on August 14, 2014


EDIT: nevermind, they did below the fold, so to speak.

Oh God, he's going to hook up with Daenerys now isn't he
posted by Hoopo at 9:00 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


COME UP ON SCREEN - FOUR YEARS

DOLLY IN TO EXTREME CLOSE UP - DAENERYS

As she speaks-; in synch, directly to CAMERA. DOLLY IN TO
EXTREME CLOSE UP as she speaks.

DAENERYS
It didn't matter. When I was broke
I just went out and conquered some
more. We ran everything. We killed
the masters. We freed the slaves.
Everybody had their hands out. And
now it's all over.

EXT. REMOTE VILLAGE - DAY

TRACK across fields

DAENERYS (V.O.)
And that's the hardest part. Today
everything is different. There's
no action.

CAMERA TRACKS past small huts with grass roofs.

DAENERYS (V.O.)
I have to wait around like anyone
else. You can't even get decent
food. Right after I got here I
ordered horseflesh roasted with
honey and peppers with a side of
fermented mare's milk and I got a
hot dog and Quik.

CAMERA APPROACHES hut and TRACKS IS TO DOOR OF HUT as
it opens. A WOMAN, still in her pajamas, leans out to empty
a bedpan. She looks up. It's DAENERYS.

DAENERYS
(Talking to camera)
I'm an average nobody. I get to
live the rest of my life like a schnook.


FADE OUT:

THE END
posted by googly at 9:02 AM on August 14, 2014 [13 favorites]


Prediction: As a faceless man, Arya's first big hit is to kill the brand-new new King, a certain Stark-Targaryan named Jon.
posted by cell divide at 9:02 AM on August 14, 2014 [4 favorites]


Yeah, 'they guessed the ending,' not 'I liked their ending better, so I stole it.' That's the ticket.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:03 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


Im convinced I've guessed it, but I wont say what it is.
And if what I guessed ISN'T the ending, then Martin screwed up big time.
posted by Liquidwolf at 9:06 AM on August 14, 2014


I wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that Mr Martin has taken an incredible amount of time to complete the series, therefore creating even more speculation about what he might have in mind but would never be written.

Nope, probably not.
posted by glaucon at 9:10 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


Hot Pie is actually a Targaryen and will become king. This is the only theory.

As they say on westeros.org: Dinner Is Coming.
posted by Pallas Athena at 9:10 AM on August 14, 2014 [5 favorites]


Jon sits down for dinner at his favorite tavern in Winterfell. He seems to be waiting anxiously. He nods at a minstrel sitting nearby, who begins to play and sing:

Just a small village girl
Living in a lonely world
She took the midnight oxcart going anywhere...


Daenerys enters the tavern and sits down with him. Jon orders a plate of fried onions from a passing tavern maid.

Just a castle boy
Born and raised in Astapor...


Arya comes in and joins them.

Out of the corner of his eye, Jon sees a man wearing a coat bearing the sigil of House Lannister walking into the privy chamber in the back of the tavern.

Outside, Sansa arrives. She struggles to tie her horse to the hitching post.

Don't stop belieeevin'

Sansa walks in. Jon looks up.

ABRUPT CUT TO BLACK.
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:29 AM on August 14, 2014 [18 favorites]


...Westros takes place in the far future...

Generation starship. The TV show producers tipped their hand when they made the landscape in the opening credit sequence visibly concave.

I understand that Anne McCaffrey's legal counsel is wicked fast with cease and desist orders...

Then they must have been napping when Eragon was released.
posted by The Tensor at 9:30 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


look if it's one of the theories that keeps Kit Harrington getting more screen time, preferably shirtless, it's a damn good theory.

also Arya has to KILL ALL THE KINGS
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:35 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


GRRM: "So eventually, the priestess of R'hllor realizes that the person they thought was the chosen one was actually not; and the real chosen one, the child of a union they could not have predicted, was now leading his army of tribesmen out of the wasteland to seize the throne, accompanied by the daughter of the old king, and protected by giant magical creatures who...oh, goddammit, this is just the ending to Dune."


*delete, delete, delete*

*stab, stab, stab*
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:36 AM on August 14, 2014 [17 favorites]


I wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that Mr Martin has taken an incredible amount of time to complete the series, therefore creating even more speculation about what he might have in mind but would never be written.

No, I'm guessing the major difference is that the books were started before the internet got so huge, allowing people who figured it out to spread the word on scale unknown in previous times. A popular example is that if Star Wars came out today, then everyone would know that Darth Vader is Luke's father, since 'Darth' is dutch for father.

Also, the internet also allows the fans to tell the writer that they've figured out the ending, which can really mess with the author. "Oh that super secret you thought was so secret and awesome? Nah, I read about it on this blog and you know what, it's not that awesome. In fact it's pretty meh and gross if your triumph has some weird brother/sister sexual tension going on in the end. WTF is wrong with you?!"
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:36 AM on August 14, 2014 [3 favorites]


SNAPE KILLS HODOR
posted by loquacious at 9:36 AM on August 14, 2014 [5 favorites]


Ha, and that's why the books have been so delayed. He totally blanked on where the story was going.

It would make a good comic novel.
posted by stbalbach at 9:40 AM on August 14, 2014


"Honey, you won't believe the dream I just had."
posted by octothorpe at 9:42 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


Arya says goodbye to the Faceless Men and gets on her horse.

Behind her, a group of musicians plays "Everyone's Waiting."

We focus in on her eyes. One by one, we see the future deaths of every character in the series who hasn't died yet.

The final episode is 6 1/2 days long.
posted by PlusDistance at 9:49 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


EXT. THE WALL. THREE DRAGONS PERCHED ON TOP. DAENAERYS AND JON SNOW CAN BE SEEN GAZING OUT UPON THE BURNING REMNANTS OF THE LAND BEYOND THE WALL, HOLDING HANDS.

CAMERA ZOOMS OUT FURTHER AND FURTHER, SHOWING THE WHOLE OF WESTEROS AND ESSOS, FINALLY ZOOMING OUT OF A TELEVISION SCREEN TO:

INT. TYPICAL EARLY 21ST CENTURY MIDDLE CLASS HOME, AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE (1 AND 2) WATCHING TV IN SEPARATE ARMCHAIRS.

1: What the fuck was that?

2: (Shrugs)

FADE TO BLACK, ROLL CREDITS
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:50 AM on August 14, 2014


...since 'Darth' is dutch for father.

Um...
posted by The Tensor at 9:50 AM on August 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


'Darth' is dutch for father.
Probably something along those lines, yeah.
posted by Wolfdog at 9:51 AM on August 14, 2014


Bob Newhart sure has a lot of strange dreams.
posted by ckape at 9:53 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


In fact it's pretty meh and gross if your triumph has some weird brother/sister sexual tension going on in the end.

Maybe, just maybe, if you're anti-incest in books, this series is not and has never been for you, all the way back from the first chapter.
posted by jeather at 9:55 AM on August 14, 2014 [6 favorites]


Merlings. Merlings everywhere...
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 10:06 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


...since 'Darth' is dutch for father.

Um...


Correction noted.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:08 AM on August 14, 2014


It's gonna be dragons v. ice zombies, right?

Maybe not.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 10:12 AM on August 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


Generation starship. The TV show producers tipped their hand when they made the landscape in the opening credit sequence visibly concave.

Generation ship or the inside of an ancient Dyson Sphere powered by a dying husk of a star with longer and longer minimal periods? Left to the humans by the colonizers of our system now that we're not able to damage anything that will be long lasting.
posted by Slackermagee at 10:26 AM on August 14, 2014


the foreshadowing is not subtle.

You know, I've thought that too. And then I get into conversations with friends who are also big into the books, have read them all, and we're discussing plot points and the meaning of certain things. And I then I mention R+L=J because I'm not worried about spoilers at this point - after all, they've read everything and they know the series well, you know, and the conversation stops. And they are like "What?" And I explain it to them in detail, and you can just kinda see their minds exploding at the concept and the implications.

And these are reasonable, intelligent human beings. So I think it might not be as obvious as I perceive it.
posted by nubs at 10:27 AM on August 14, 2014 [3 favorites]


Most of the clues are in the first book before you get to the "this is not your father's High Fantasy" moment, so I missed them too. It actually took me until halfway through ASOS before I got how closely you need to parse them. I missed almost everything before the RW, and very little afterwards.

I'm amazed at the show-watchers that figured it out backwards and in high heels, so to speak.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 10:38 AM on August 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


Whatever, I wish he'd just finish the books. I'm dreading the situation where the HBO show outruns the books and becomes the canonical version - what now, Patchface?

This is what happened with the Scott Pilgrim movie. The ending doesn't really line up with the book, and they even shot two different endings, because the book still wasn't finished when they were filming.
posted by thecjm at 10:45 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


I'm amazed at the show-watchers that figured it out backwards and in high heels, so to speak.

I'd be amazed if there were any show-only/Unsullied who actually figured it out, or even guessed. It's even more obscure on TV than in the books. Jon Snow not being Ned's child is believable from the show, but R+L isn't--she's only barely mentioned, and unless I'm totally mistaken he's only mentioned by Daenaerys.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:51 AM on August 14, 2014


If the books get outrun by the show the first time around they'll just produce a new show after the books finish, Game of Thrones: Brotherhood
posted by ckape at 10:54 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


Without the Tower of Joy scene, I don't know how anyone would guess; the show doesn't have Ned's constant memory of Lyanna, nor has the show really done anything to undermine the narrative of Robert's Rebellion that has been established. I suspect the show is going to use Bran and the weirwood.net to give the necessary backstory.
posted by nubs at 10:55 AM on August 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


Yeah the book spends some time there but the show mentions it like ...once?

I say it ends with Baelish on the throne but only after literally everybody else is dead.
posted by The Whelk at 10:55 AM on August 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


J. Michael Straczynski bailed from the Babylon 5 newsgroup for a while then eventually returned after arranging for someone to filter the messages for him to get rid of flames, story ideas and plot speculation. It was clear that there'd be a shitstorm if he actually did anything that resembled any such suggestion or speculation so he needed to be able to credibly say that such things didn't reach him.
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:58 AM on August 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


Nah, Baelish's uppance will come. At Sansa's hands.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:58 AM on August 14, 2014 [6 favorites]


I can't wait for Sansa's Peace And Reconciliation posioning spree.
posted by The Whelk at 11:00 AM on August 14, 2014 [5 favorites]


Oh no, I don't think she'd kill him (although it would be both hilarious and fitting if she did, because obviously the assassin would end up being Arya). Remember how much she's been learning from him; she will destroy him, but leave him alive, so he understands the depths of his folly and can no longer play the Game.

which you just lost fyi
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:05 AM on August 14, 2014 [7 favorites]


I say it ends with Baelish on the throne but only after literally everybody else is dead.

He would see this country burn, if he could be king of the ashes....

Personally, I'm hoping for something a little different than the standard ending here - with the throne "restored" to a "rightful ruler". So much of ASOIAF has been about subverting the tropes of fantasy, that seeing Jon/Dany take over as rulers just feels a little too traditional. I'm hoping their respective learnings about the difficulty of ruling result in the establishment of some kind of quasi-parlimentary system or something. Or each of the 7 Kingdoms being united by some common laws and agreements, with each Kingdom sending representatives to be part of a ruling council...Basically, I think it would be neat to see something like the Magna Carta or similar agreements appearing by the end of the series.
posted by nubs at 11:08 AM on August 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


I think Bran becomes a dragonrider and then king because who's going to fucking stop him
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:09 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


Dammit, FFFM.

In The Game of The Game, you lose or you lose somewhat later.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 11:12 AM on August 14, 2014 [3 favorites]


Baelish takes the throne, renames the kingdom Bahl-ti-mur
posted by 2bucksplus at 11:14 AM on August 14, 2014 [13 favorites]


I am so excited by this, because this has been my fear what with the guessing and the show.
posted by corb at 11:19 AM on August 14, 2014


The closing credits of the final episode will be done in the style of the opening credits, and the camera will pull up from the landscape to the sun orrery thing and zoom in and we'll see a plaque...
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:28 AM on August 14, 2014 [3 favorites]


Generation ship or the inside of an ancient Dyson Sphere powered by a dying husk of a star with longer and longer minimal periods? Left to the humans by the colonizers of our system now that we're not able to damage anything that will be long lasting.

Nah, a generation starship fits the story better. Why is the sun going to rise in the west and the seas go dry? The ship reaches its destination and decelerates. Who are the Others? Decaying maintenance androids (glowing blue eyes!) whose nanotech-based repair abilities can "rewire" and reanimate corpses. Where's Benjen? He's in the control room in the Land of Always Winter, learning the Truth. Pretty soon, Uncle B is going to reveal himself to Jon, say, "Come north with me if you want to live," and GRRM will abandon all the medieval politics for a properly scientifictional, Orphans of the Sky-style, "everything you know is wrong!" ending.
posted by The Tensor at 11:36 AM on August 14, 2014 [5 favorites]


This is what happened with the Scott Pilgrim movie. The ending doesn't really line up with the book, and they even shot two different endings, because the book still wasn't finished when they were filming.

Oddly, the movie was originally going to have a Knives ending, which is kind of obvious from how she and Ramona are portrayed for most of the movie. I'm not sure why it was changed, but I suspect test audiences. C.f. Pretty in Pink.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 11:38 AM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


I just want to say that I LOL'd at like half the comments in this thread.

If you want to see some whack theories, visit the ASOIAF subredit. o_O

Spoiler alert: Everyone is Benjen.
posted by Eyebeams at 11:49 AM on August 14, 2014 [3 favorites]


Baelish takes the throne, renames the kingdom Bahl-ti-mur

Still wakes up alive in a country that's mostly zombie.
posted by nubs at 11:52 AM on August 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


My theory: The George R.R. Martin fans fall on each other with knives drawn, while he laughs from atop a pile of money.
posted by nickggully at 11:54 AM on August 14, 2014 [3 favorites]


C.f. Pretty in Pink.


So Daenerys makes her own dress out of a tokar and a Dothraki halter top, tells Petyr Baelish to go fuck himself, and then takes Daario to the prom instead of Jon? Or vice versa?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:06 PM on August 14, 2014


Hmm, actually, I could see Sansa maybe locking Baelish in one of the sky cells.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:07 PM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


So Daenerys makes her own dress out of a tokar and a Dothraki halter top, tells Petyr Baelish to go fuck himself, and then takes Daario to the prom instead of Jon?

I think Quentyn was ASOIAF's Ducky...
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 12:17 PM on August 14, 2014


So Daenerys makes her own dress out of a tokar and a Dothraki halter top, tells Petyr Baelish to go fuck himself, and then takes Daario to the prom instead of Jon? Or vice versa?

But Daario is Benjen!

I think Quentyn was ASOIAF's Ducky...

It could be Moonboy for all I know.
posted by nubs at 12:40 PM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


ISWYDT
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:50 PM on August 14, 2014


I've always suspected that the makers of Lost were disappointed when the fans figured out that yeah, everybody did die in the crash and were now in purgatory where they could correct the mistakes from their past so that the Hand Of God/Smoke Monster could whisk them away to heaven. So they panicked and denied it and started flailing and that's how we ended up with what we ended up with.

I'm grateful that GoT isn't going to fall into that trap (hopefully).
posted by turaho at 3:03 PM on August 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


This is obviously referring to R+L, but that's just a plot point, not really the ending. I find it hard to actually envision an ending to the series. It's not set up as a single plot, and a satisfying endpiece would betray the narrative style and structure of the books. It's just like history: one damn thing after another. Everyone seems to think that things will come to a head with a final battle against the Others, but that would make that final book different from the other books and disappointingly conventional.
posted by painquale at 3:41 PM on August 14, 2014


This was ages ago in thread-time but I don't believe that JK Rowling never read Harry Potter fanfiction.
posted by subdee at 4:02 PM on August 14, 2014


She just read the wrong ones really.
posted by elizardbits at 4:04 PM on August 14, 2014


Hawkeye flies off on a dragon heading home. He looks down and sees that BJ has spelled out "Goodbye" using stones. The end.

Old interview with Larry Gelbart in TV Guide (rough paraphrase from memory): "I've gotten thousands of letters suggesting that I should do a story with Trapper/BJ operating on Hawkeye to save his life. If I actually did that, I would get thousands of lawsuits from loyal viewers saying that I stole their idea."
posted by ovvl at 4:31 PM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


The ending he's discussing is obviously Roose Bolton, the immortal, skin-stealing Night's King, taking Stannis' skin and uniting all of Westeros under himself to wipe out Varys and Manderly and the rest of the merlings all at once before they use the dragons to cause enough global warming to turn the whole world into ocean.

Wait I might be thinking of pokemon saphire.

harrenbowl get hype
posted by sandswipe at 6:01 PM on August 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


Bob Newhart will wake up, turn to Daenerys and say "Honey, wake up, you won't believe the dream I just had."
posted by delfin at 6:04 PM on August 14, 2014


Also in the final episode Hawkeye cracks up when he witnesses Arya Stark kill a chicken. SPOILER: It was actually a baby.
posted by humanfont at 6:10 PM on August 14, 2014 [2 favorites]




Cliff!
posted by Sys Rq at 7:14 PM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


Over at the ASOIAF forum I think they've gone over that theory of Jon's parentage so many times now that it's come around the back end and none of them believe it anymore.

Two things I want: Tyrion arrives in Kings Landing on a dragon, Cersei's last act is to soil herself. Baelish goes out the Moon Door as ordered by Sansa. Everything else is gravy. Oh, and Arya finds her lost wolf. So make it three.
posted by Ber at 7:26 PM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


Fan theories megapost from a few months ago if you'd like to brush up on the possibilities.
posted by Jacqueline at 7:44 PM on August 14, 2014


I will start giving a shit about the Jon Snow parentage thing if it EVER even gets close to coming up in the plot. Likewise, I will start giving a shit about Jon + Dany as a couple if they oh, EVEN END UP ON THE SAME CONTINENT SOMETIME. Until then, no fucks do I give because things are stalling forever.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:21 PM on August 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


Well, really, it's quite easy, since damn near everything is spoiled in Westeros. Hopes, dreams, ambitions, wishes very often come to a grim end.
posted by juiceCake at 8:27 PM on August 14, 2014


Also in the final episode Hawkeye cracks up when he witnesses Arya Stark kill a baby. SPOILER: It was actually a chicken.
posted by mazola at 8:49 PM on August 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


IF the JOn's parentage is a thing and IF he and Dany hook up (which, whatever, it's in the title, and I can kind of see the excess and tenancies of both Houses being tempered by each other) then isn't he like, her nephew?
posted by The Whelk at 9:06 PM on August 14, 2014


The Corn Code is vindicated at last!
posted by drezdn at 10:07 PM on August 14, 2014


I just hope GRRM deals with this crackpot theory: Gregor Clegane and Sandor Clegane are brothers.
posted by drezdn at 10:10 PM on August 14, 2014 [4 favorites]


Based on the grim and bleak themes and plots in the books I'd bet it ends with White Walkers killing them all.
posted by humanfont at 10:55 PM on August 14, 2014


I was at the talk and the geekiest thing happened after it.
I asked GRRM to sign my copy of the Fantastic Four omnibus which contains one of his fan letters. He did so and had a look at it.

"Fantastic Four omnibus? Cool. Excelsior!"

I'm still giddy.
posted by gnuhavenpier at 6:33 AM on August 15, 2014 [1 favorite]


I will start giving a shit about the Jon Snow parentage thing if it EVER even gets close to coming up in the plot.

I have been teasing in my mind a theory that the R+L=J stuff is an amazing red herring. Like, it's true, but it will end up having literally no relevance to anything that happens and he just put it in there to fuck with readers who feel super good with themselves for figuring it out.
posted by gauche at 6:36 AM on August 15, 2014


Which would be hilarious because it fits the genre-expectation-overturning going on cause " ooo it turns out I am indeed the heir to the lost royal line!" really would be met with "No one cares, we've got much bigger problems like our nonstop ecological disaster/zombie invasion and saying that shit outloud gets you killed also hey didn't you renounce all titles and lands in the first place?"

Dang, now I really want a Carrot Ironfoundson plotlines to take over.

( Or, in a more traditional fantasy/peroid mode, Jon proves his authority to rule through military adventure and plots and brining to light the true heritage is just a bit more of a fig leaf for whatever court is left at the time.)
posted by The Whelk at 7:21 AM on August 15, 2014 [3 favorites]


Which would be hilarious because it fits the genre-expectation-overturning going on...

Yeah, this in particular strikes me as probably the biggest obstacle standing between GRRM and finishing the books. He had such a strong, subversive opening that I wonder whether he's not, in a sense, trapped by the expectation that he will subvert genre expectations. It's the sort of thing that gets into my head when I try to be very clever with my own storytelling, and I'm not nearly so clever as he is.
posted by gauche at 7:48 AM on August 15, 2014


also hey didn't you renounce all titles and lands in the first place?"

Some interesting thoughts on that (SPOILERS THROUGH ADWD AHOY):






The Night's Watch oath holds until death. If Jon gets resurrected after the end of ADWD, is he still a member? Or is his watch over? (And note the circumstances of his death - a bleeding star, smoke and salt all present).

If that's the case, then there's a document from Robb still out there that legitimizes Jon and names him heir to Winterfell. And Stannis has offered the same.

What I'm trying to puzzle out, though, is how/if solution to the mystery of Jon's parentage is going to be brought mainstream. I suspect now that Bran is going to be the source of that information, but how then does it get communicated out in the wider world? Or is it something that only gets answered for the reader, and the rest of the world never finds out about Jon's true parentage? (I suspect there are more clues/information lying in the crypts of Winterfell, but who knows).


He had such a strong, subversive opening that I wonder whether he's not, in a sense, trapped by the expectation that he will subvert genre expectations.

There's a limit, I think, to how far you can subvert/undermine expectations of the genre when you are writing in it. If Jon is the long lost heir (which is a huge trope), having it revealed to the readers but never to the characters would be...well, not subversive, but at least funny.
posted by nubs at 8:26 AM on August 15, 2014 [3 favorites]


My everything turns out wonderful for everybody and there are direwolves puppies for all ending has the absolute monarchy of Westeros broken up a bit by a collection of like-minded nobles ( Led by and constructed by the widow Sansa ) into a Proto-parliament with the Septs demanding a "lesser house" to speak for The People.
posted by The Whelk at 12:52 PM on August 15, 2014 [3 favorites]


There's another theory going around that Jon is Rhaegar and Lyanna's son...and Aegon VI is Ned Stark and Ashara Dane's son. The Danes supposedly have Targaryan features. Personally I'm partial to the theory that he's a blackfyre by way of his mother (Illyrio's wife).
posted by sandswipe at 3:46 PM on August 15, 2014


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