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The All-Male Cast is a Revelation!
August 22, 2014 6:45 AM   Subscribe

If pop culture treated men the same way it treats women. I know you're all way too cool for Cracked but I thought this was both hilarious and on point.
posted by phunniemee (93 comments total) 29 users marked this as a favorite

 
I feel I should state for the record that I would wear every pair of boots in #10 in a heartbeat. Take note, Carhartt!
posted by phunniemee at 6:51 AM on August 22 [8 favorites]


What video game are they parodying in #35?
posted by Sangermaine at 6:55 AM on August 22


I am kind of mixed on these. Some of them I don't quite get, but I think that it is probably my own deficiency of not following pop culture as much as I should.

But there are a few that gave me a laugh, like the man's body on the side of a plane (and I do laugh when I see people do stuff like that with a woman's picture, too).

I would have pushed the Pretty Man picture/trope/joke further. As in, give the women lots of gray hair - wasn't that the image the male actor had in Pretty Woman?
posted by Wolfster at 6:56 AM on August 22 [1 favorite]


The All-Male Cast is a Revelation!
posted by Jahaza at 6:59 AM on August 22 [6 favorites]


I lost it at #18.
posted by magstheaxe at 6:59 AM on August 22


"Welcome to the background radiation of my life."
posted by Nossidge at 7:07 AM on August 22 [41 favorites]


I am actually disappointed #10 is not real, those are fabulous, more plaid for all.
posted by jetlagaddict at 7:08 AM on August 22 [2 favorites]


Sangermaine, the video game in #35 is Metroid.
It was a big deal to reveal that Samus was a woman at the end of the game, and it "rewards" the player by showing her in a bikini.
posted by jozxyqk at 7:12 AM on August 22 [1 favorite]


I would also wear tartan boots. Some of these are very on point.
posted by arcticseal at 7:18 AM on August 22


Dang, I was hoping it would include a "Jake from State Farm" termagant husband.
posted by FelliniBlank at 7:19 AM on August 22 [1 favorite]


There is nothing stopping you from wearing those boots (other than your size, for some styles).
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:27 AM on August 22 [4 favorites]


YES PAISLEY BOOTS FTW
posted by grumpybear69 at 7:33 AM on August 22


What video game are they parodying in #35?

It's the famous Metroid ending where it's revealed that Samus is a woman.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:33 AM on August 22


Brilliant.
posted by divabat at 7:34 AM on August 22


I feel like #34 is just incredible, really nails it. Some of the others are good, some are not so good...but the ones that work, work well.
posted by dubitable at 7:40 AM on August 22 [2 favorites]


And underneath that, we get links to "Hottest Cheer Squad 2014", a picture of a bikini-clad lady with the caption "6 Freaky Things Your Body Does (Explained By Science)", "Miley Cyrus' Outfit Leaves Nothing to the Imagination" and a bikini-clad girl running on the beach captioned "WARNING: This Clip Will Get Your HEART Racing".

Practice what you preach.
posted by kariebookish at 7:40 AM on August 22 [21 favorites]


Somehow I knew Zardoz would make an appearance. Not disappointed.
posted by Yowser at 7:50 AM on August 22 [4 favorites]


I loved number 24. Get your prince, girl!

Also, on the same theme, I really liked Buzzfeed's video "If Men Were Women"
posted by nooneyouknow at 7:54 AM on August 22


Nossidge: "Welcome to the background radiation of my life."
I think that's far more effective and informative than anything on this Cracked list. An awful lot of the stuff on the Cracked list is just bland topsy-turvydom that makes no point. I wonder if this issue is just a little too complicated to get across in a single picture.
posted by Western Infidels at 7:56 AM on August 22 [3 favorites]


A couple more from Buzzfeed.

If Women's Roles In Ads Were Played By Men
If Women's Roles In Movies Were Played By Men
posted by nooneyouknow at 8:06 AM on August 22 [3 favorites]


#1, always and forever. The double standards applied to Janet Jackson that weren't applied to Justin Timberlake still angries up my blood.
posted by girlmightlive at 8:16 AM on August 22 [5 favorites]


Hmm, I don't think these are the *best* representation of what the female gaze would be; a lot of those shops focus on erections and penis size like they're the equivalent to breasts.

(I can't speak for any other woman but-- butts. Thick thighs. A sense of 'firmness'?)
posted by lineofsight at 8:21 AM on August 22 [5 favorites]


Grumpy early morning filter:

The Shan-hai Ching does this for real life! It tells the story of a merchant who ends up in a country of women, where he promptly has his face painted, his feet bound, and is offered up as a concubine to the female ruler.

Sure it's played for laughs, but the subversive nature of it raises awareness of the sucky role women are forced to play in society. Surely this will help spur some sort of social change!

P.S. The Shan-hai Ching was produced in 4th century B.C.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:22 AM on August 22 [17 favorites]


Kariebookish...I think most of those are ads served by Taboola. It's missing on the mobile version of the site, as I see Cracked only stories. You'll find those same "viral stories" ads on other websites too. The stories that appear in that ad space is probably not controlled by Cracked.
posted by Calzephyr at 8:23 AM on August 22 [3 favorites]


I'm disappointed none of these has the husband character who says how worried he is before our heroine stoically heads off on the super dangerous mission.
posted by RobotHero at 8:30 AM on August 22 [2 favorites]


WRT that Shortpacked cartoon (which has become as important of a go-to link in nerddom as Willis' Frank Miller/WHORESWHORESWHORES cartoon), someone pointed out that Amber's description of the ideal Batman matches Thane Krios from Mass Effect rather closely.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:37 AM on August 22 [2 favorites]


Hmm, I don't think these are the *best* representation of what the female gaze would be; a lot of those shops focus on erections and penis size like they're the equivalent to breasts.

(I can't speak for any other woman but-- butts. Thick thighs. A sense of 'firmness'?)


It's hard to say what, in a hypothetically female-dominated world, would be the visual focus emphasized for men in the same way breasts are for women.

Men only have one sticky-outy bit that women don't have, in other words.

I could see codpieces being a thing. Elaborately decorated. It would change fashion a lot.
posted by emjaybee at 8:39 AM on August 22 [6 favorites]


What would the mirror-universe masculinist equivalent of the Bechdel test be? The Frank Miller test?
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:41 AM on August 22


Also: holy shit, #11. I think that dudenerds would get the point about Greg "Pornface" LAAAAAAND (and others) if Tom of Finland had had a run on any legacy comics character.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:44 AM on August 22 [3 favorites]


I think that to get the real effect of how women are depicted in comics, changing poses and situations would have a pretty serious impact too. There's the Hawkeye Initiative, of course, but one of these days I want to draw a one-shot where Batman is attacked by some thugs (maybe he's rescued by Wonder Woman, I don't know), and render the whole thing with a fetishistic, Tom of Finland-esque aesthetic. Like, Batman (and the thugs) would have physiques which are not only idealized but impossible and sexualized - all crotch bulges and bubble butts. But also, Batman would just so happen to be showing off his assets while winning the fight, and drawn in suggestively submissive poses while losing the fight. I think this would be a lot of fun because cool people would love it and terrible people would get really upset about it, and that's a good reason to do anything from where I sit.

on preview: great minds, etc
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:50 AM on August 22 [21 favorites]


Blocked as "tasteless" at my job. Huh.
posted by resurrexit at 8:52 AM on August 22


I could see codpieces being a thing. Elaborately decorated. It would change fashion a lot.

Yeah, but of course they were already a thing and that in no way betokened any diminution of structural cultural misogyny--unless we somehow want to hold up the C15th and C16th as high-water marks of sexual equality.

As for the content of the FPP, some of them are really terrific--especially the Glengarry Glen Ross one.
posted by yoink at 8:54 AM on August 22 [2 favorites]


Yeah, but of course they were already a thing and that in no way betokened any diminution of structural cultural misogyny--unless we somehow want to hold up the C15th and C16th as high-water marks of sexual equality.

Men used to wear high heels too, but that didn't stop fashion from using them in emphasizing the decorative role of women.

If we actually lived in a matriarchal society, in which men were the "decorative" sex, then codpieces, if they were a thing, would not have the same meaning when men in that society wore them, as they did in the Elizabethan era, is all I'm saying. It's not so much the individual item of clothing or even the extent of nakedness involved. It's about contrast; if men wore highly decorated clothes that were constraining and showed a lot of skin, while at the same time women wore sensible, somber, utilitarian clothes that did not, then that would be equivalent of where we are today.
posted by emjaybee at 9:00 AM on August 22 [3 favorites]


I would wear those boots, and so would my husband.
posted by matildaben at 9:01 AM on August 22 [1 favorite]


lineofsight, oh yesss to the treetrunk firm thighs which has added rugby to my life. I swear I'm watching the game. Honest.
posted by dabitch at 9:12 AM on August 22 [3 favorites]


They should put more disembodied genitalia on things for decoration. Just cut out the person or their silhouette altogether, like have mudflaps with only dongs or boobs on them.
posted by ChuckRamone at 9:19 AM on August 22


If we actually lived in a matriarchal society, in which men were the "decorative" sex, then codpieces, if they were a thing, would not have the same meaning when men in that society wore them, as they did in the Elizabethan era, is all I'm saying. It's not so much the individual item of clothing or even the extent of nakedness involved. It's about contrast; if men wore highly decorated clothes that were constraining and showed a lot of skin, while at the same time women wore sensible, somber, utilitarian clothes that did not, then that would be equivalent of where we are today.

Oh, I agree absolutely. But I think the discourse around these kinds of cultural markers often gets this exactly backwards--in other words, there is this widespread belief that if you could change the material markers in play you'd somehow change the cultural context that renders them meaningful. But that's usually not the case. That male clothing is relatively unadorned and somber and female clothing is highly elaborate and decorative is actually a pretty recent development (C19th onwards). Changing that doesn't actually, in itself, have any significant impact on the relative social position of the genders--it just changes the terms in which persistent gender imbalances get expressed.
posted by yoink at 9:40 AM on August 22 [9 favorites]


Only change I would make would be to have the parent company of Penaseptic be Summer's Steve.
posted by prodigalsun at 9:41 AM on August 22 [8 favorites]


Okay so I went to youtube and searched "best vines 2014" and damn it really is like that.
posted by neuromodulator at 9:43 AM on August 22


Sean Hannity in a super-low scoop top (#21) really made me laugh.
posted by sfkiddo at 9:45 AM on August 22 [9 favorites]


OK so now I totally want a Choco-taco.
posted by rue72 at 9:47 AM on August 22 [2 favorites]


The Shan-hai Ching does this for real life! It tells the story of a merchant who ends up in a country of women, where he promptly has his face painted, his feet bound, and is offered up as a concubine to the female ruler.

On a less grumpy note I realized that this is somewhat misleading. The Shan-hai Ching does introduce the Country of Women but that went on to fill an Atlantis type role in Chinese Mythology, which is to say that writers of various eras used it as a location for their stories. That particular story was added, obviously, at a later time when foot-binding was a thing.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:21 AM on August 22 [2 favorites]


The pixel penis in #5 cracked me up. The Glengarry GlenRoss is my absolute favorite.

I would have done something involving a screencap from Jeopardy!. It irks me to no end that there's always a special category for say...female directors or female authors. And just the fact that it's always called "Women Authors". It's FEMALE Authors. They always use the word women as a qualifier. Where's the "Men Authors" category? Well bless their hearts, there isn't one.

I'm rewatching The Battle of the Decades and Alex Trebec just cannot shut the hell up about women winning for several days in a row. Have you ever heard him say, "Well, well, the gentlemen have won three days in a row! I guess this has turned into a battle of the sexes! Watch out, ladies!"

Answer: No, you haven't.
posted by the webmistress at 10:41 AM on August 22 [12 favorites]


the hannity shirt is basically how i dress though
posted by Greg Nog at 11:10 AM on August 22 [3 favorites]


like have mudflaps with only dongs or boobs on them.

Or?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:19 AM on August 22


omg what if they had a Jeopardy category called "authors" and all of the authors were female. omg.
posted by phunniemee at 11:24 AM on August 22 [22 favorites]


PECKERS! i died.
posted by ghostbikes at 12:09 PM on August 22 [3 favorites]


They should put more disembodied genitalia on things for decoration. Just cut out the person or their silhouette altogether, like have mudflaps with only dongs or boobs on them.

Let me get this straight: so it turns out that the "truck nuts" fad is really just a rebellion against the male gaze?
posted by Nevin at 12:54 PM on August 22 [6 favorites]


Sean Hannity in a super-low scoop top (#21) really made me laugh.


I've got no problem with dudes in super-low scoop tops (hey there Greg Nog) but Hannity in one will haunt my dreams.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:13 PM on August 22 [1 favorite]


Breasts aren't genitalia, people, and the fact that they're treated like they are while men (and many women) remain ignorant as shit over the actual layout of the vulva ("realistic" fleshlights somehow missing clits, etc) is a part of living in a misogynistic culture. The idea that the female gaze would focus on cocks at all is ridiculous and a result of living in a culture run my cis men who are infatuated with their own genitalia; that their weird dick obsession carries over to their ideas of what most women care about is patriarchy in action. It's also why they think we give a shit about no context dick pics.
posted by NoraReed at 1:24 PM on August 22 [31 favorites]


Over the course of the day Cracked has changed this title from "If pop culture treated men the same way it treats women" to "If Men Had to Put Up With the Same Crap as Women."

Interesting.
posted by phunniemee at 2:05 PM on August 22


The idea that the female gaze would focus on cocks at all is ridiculous

Why? I mean, the "male gaze" has focused on lots of different parts of women's anatomy over the years; it seems to be something that is very culturally malleable. And we know there are and have been cultures where the penis is put very prominently on display. Why is it inherently absurd to imagine a world in which the penis is a heavily fetishized focus of female desire?
posted by yoink at 2:23 PM on August 22 [3 favorites]


The photoshop quality's a bit shit, but some of these were really much more effective than other "role-reversals" I've seen at highlighting how absurdly women are depicted.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 3:42 PM on August 22 [1 favorite]


The idea that the female gaze would focus on cocks at all is ridiculous

What? I hear this sometimes, and I ask myself: Have I been too faithful to a now outmoded passion? I truly don't mean to be crass, but for god's sake doesn't anybody out here love cock anymore?
posted by two or three cars parked under the stars at 4:13 PM on August 22 [6 favorites]


I enjoyed the cracked link - I laughed or snorted at quite a few of them and I appreciated the variety of pop-culture sources.

Damn, Henry Cavill! Lookin' good.

The idea that the female gaze would focus on cocks at all is ridiculous

I don't think it's ridiculous - I know there's thinking out there that hetero women don't like seeing penises, but I think a lot of that is cultural shame. I like penises. There, I said it.

Also, I think the penis serves as a useful satirical stand-in here for fetishiization of women based on specific body parts.
posted by Squeak Attack at 4:18 PM on August 22 [3 favorites]



*raises hand* I like penises too.
posted by Jalliah at 4:32 PM on August 22 [1 favorite]


Over the course of the day Cracked has changed this title from "If pop culture treated men the same way it treats women" to "If Men Had to Put Up With the Same Crap as Women."

Yes, Cracked does that a lot... one reason I follow their RSS feed and occasionally click through on things I find only remotely interesting is to compare the URL ("http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/4-signs-ashton-kutchers-new-website-run-by-crazy-people/") to the title ("4 Reasons Ashton Kutcher's Buzzfeed Ripoff Site Is Insane"). Also worth a chuckle: "5 Outdated - no, change that to Barbaric Practices That Are More Modern Than You Think".

It's an extra level of metahumor added onto the occasionally damn good article that should never have been formatted as a listicle and the "Photoplasty" contests* like that one, where if 12 of the 30 entries selected by Cracked's Editors pass my 'kinda funny' test, it was worth 3 clicks.
* I vaguely recall that cracked.com kinda 'inherited' that feature from "Pointless Waste of Time", another site that got absorbed into the Demand Media behemoth

But, yeah, Cracked exceeds the minimum requirements for my RSS, which is why I wake up every morning to 400+ unread RSS items...
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:01 PM on August 22


Of course some women are aesthetically interested in penises, but the penis obsession definitely comes from cis men, not women. The fetishized view of the (generally cis) female body has changed a lot over time, but the vulva is rarely the most popular part-- there's a reason that Georgia O'Keefe paintings make a lot of men uncomfortable. It seems odd to expect that turning that around would focus on the cock, since that's equivilant to the clitoris, which the male gaze and porn basically ignores, as in the case of the "realistic" fleshlights that are somehow missing them.

Also, society conditions you to like what it focuses on. Of course lots of women like cocks when they're equated with maleness and constantly thrust in our faces, literally and figuratively. But it seems extremely unlikely that a full and precise reversal of gender roles, which would naturally switch focus from one phallus (the penis) to its cis female equivalent (the clitoris) would end up anywhere near as cock-focused as our society is boob-focused.
posted by NoraReed at 5:09 PM on August 22 [7 favorites]


We're looking at this from very different angles, NoraReed. Because there is no direct equivalent currently in our society to the breast obsession, I think the humorists have used the penis as a shorthand for an equivalent.

You seem to be considering is this equivalency would actually happen in a society with a predominate female gaze,which I would argue is not the job of light satire to determine, and also is soooo incredibly hypothetical as to be essentially unknowable.

I suppose liking penises as a heterosexual woman is partly socially determined, but I also see it as a fundamental part of being sexually attracted to men. I like to look at men, I like to look at all their parts.
posted by Squeak Attack at 5:31 PM on August 22 [5 favorites]


I don't think it's ridiculous - I know there's thinking out there that hetero women don't like seeing penises, but I think a lot of that is cultural shame.

I wonder how much of that is about relative powerlessness rather than the bodypart itself. A lot of the times women I know complain about seeing penis, it's surprise penis we can't chose not to see - men flashing themselves, or penis pictures sent unsolicited. After a while the image becomes associated less with pleasure and passion and more with disrespect and danger, and it's really difficult to break associations that are that visceral and experienced.

On the other hand, I've been a part of a lot of hetero/bisexual-female-gaze discussions, and while the focus tends to be on chests or butts (I'm a face person myself - especially eyes) there is always one or two women who will mention their love of the cock amidst giggles and grins. It's been interesting seeing fan service gradually change as women began to be regarded more seriously as a demographic, and comparing that with women-driven fan representations (I find the Hannibal fandom fascinating, even while I'm loathe to watch the show because of the gore).

We can't really invert these kinds of tropes (one flaw with the Hawkeye Initiative is that it sometimes ends up lampooning women, instead of the ridonkulous ways women's bodies are portrayed - I tend to prefer Escher Girls for a cleaner message) because too many of the unspoken axioms and assumptions about the two proscribed genders are too divergent and the message can be twisted a bit easily (the comments focus a lot on the ways to twist it), but I have begun to reach the point where I actually trust Cracked to take on some fairly serious stuff and take negative feedback from social justice types seriously - and I'm honestly shocked I can say that.
posted by Deoridhe at 5:49 PM on August 22 [2 favorites]


we want to see the booty

show us the booty
posted by elizardbits at 6:25 PM on August 22 [5 favorites]


I think the humorists have used the penis as a shorthand for an equivalent.

And I think that their choice to do that is largely informed by the patriarchal culture we live in where men are obsessed with their own cocks and the failure to recognize that men make that culture rather weakens their point and strengthens the societal equivilating of breasts with genitals, which is a social construct that fucks up a lot of stuff, from women actually losing sensation in erogenous zones after getting implants to people claiming that breasts are "too obscene" and so limiting the areas in which breast feeding is an option.

The whole "it's just light satire" thing is just "you can't take a joke" bullshit and I'm so fucking over that. The combination of society's titillation/boob obsession and men's obsession with their own cocks (and the general erasure of clits) means something and it's worth talking about, no matter how "light" the "satire" bringing it up is.
posted by NoraReed at 7:34 PM on August 22 [2 favorites]


What would you have rather they used instead?
posted by divabat at 7:38 PM on August 22


The obvious equivilant is abs; what women tend to focus on varies but often includes lips, pecs, and, like elizardbits said, the booty. I think it would be really interesting, though, if it focused on some other secondary sex characteristics of cis men that aren't seen as obscene at all where many of women's are. Weirdly obsessive shots of Adam's apples, chest hair (take a look at the Dragon Age II fandom if you want to see that female gazed, often subversively), maybe some treatment of chin dimples like thigh gaps.
posted by NoraReed at 7:57 PM on August 22 [1 favorite]


I, too, love cock. Just sayin'. Even out of context cock. Though if you're a stranger, and I'm not in my happy place, I probably don't want to see yours.
posted by stoneandstar at 8:00 PM on August 22 [1 favorite]


Several of the men I know would KILL for work boots like that.

Personally, I think all the male superhero costumes need revamped.

And I would love to go and hoot at Peckers.
posted by BlueHorse at 8:02 PM on August 22


NoraReed, I think I understand where you're coming from, but to me the male obsession with cock usually bothers me when male sexuality/genitalia are presented as merely humorous. These images were meant to be humorous but some were also provocatively sexual so I didn't think of it quite the same way. I think it is more subjective; if men's abs were fetishized I think I would be left completely cold. However when I was a teenager I was really weirdly "aware down there" of Adam's apples and chest hair-- just obvious signs of sexual difference, as a hetero woman, so I think there is something there!
posted by stoneandstar at 8:04 PM on August 22


arms, definitely arms, arms and shoulders

yesss
posted by elizardbits at 8:11 PM on August 22 [6 favorites]


henry cavill in man of steel, basically
posted by elizardbits at 8:12 PM on August 22


can I just mention shoulderblades on muscular backs? imagine a world with superhero costumes with windows cut out for those and weird, unlikely-to-be-useful-in-actual-fights poses to watch them move around and almost touch

re: humor around cocks, isn't a lot of that to cover up fear, insecurity and potential homoeroticism, a culture-wide "we're JOKING about cocks" as a sort of "no homo" gesture?
posted by NoraReed at 8:18 PM on August 22 [4 favorites]



can I just mention shoulderblades on muscular backs?

yes. yes you certainly can! (I'm a fan)
posted by sweetkid at 8:28 PM on August 22


re: humor around cocks

I think it's also because they are legitimately, inherently humorous? They do stuff of their own accord, awkward stuff at awkward times, they creep away when they get cold, they are bouncy, sometimes they wear little hats, etc.

also for sure someone has tied a wiimote to their peen and done sports

and if they haven't well then shame on the human race
posted by elizardbits at 8:35 PM on August 22 [11 favorites]


also for sure someone has tied a wiimote to their peen and done sports

brb
posted by Conspire at 8:36 PM on August 22 [15 favorites]


ladies and gentlemens there goes a true hero
posted by elizardbits at 8:41 PM on August 22 [20 favorites]


ladies and gentlemens there goes a true hero

reporting back

probably more suited of a thing for showers rather growers

ow
posted by Conspire at 8:42 PM on August 22 [9 favorites]


even if you manage to tie it on it flops into your balls
posted by Conspire at 8:43 PM on August 22 [7 favorites]


I dunno, I prefer my superheroes of any gender in skin tight outfits that do not require holes to show body features (or if they show skin, it has to be fantastically colored). Wonder woman always wierded me out for that reason -- except for the scuba outfit (sigh). Superman is dressed perfectly already. :-)

Conspire, I thought the pre-growing was implied?
posted by smidgen at 8:45 PM on August 22


As a bi woman (and I realise I'm only one of many here) I cannot even express how much I do not relate to the idea of men's abs having anything like an aesthetic and sexual meaning equivalent to that of breasts. NoraReed, it seems like you're rejecting the equivalence between breasts and penises on scientific grounds, but surely what they really have in common is social significance and visibility? Like, penises are absolutely like breasts in that they're things that we're taught to identify with specific gender identities from a very early age, as well as things that are perceptible in all their variations in all kinds of contexts without anybody even having to try very hard either to look or show.

I think the "light satire" thing is a bit of a derail. IMO, the assumption that women would want to see cock everywhere in a world where we had a ton of power and freedom instead of men is reasonable enough that it doesn't really need justification, even if it might be wrong.

The way I see it, this is all about straight men being socialised to avoid taking the notion of cockular appeal at all seriously as part of their gender and sexual identity -- and the mainstream idea that women must feel the same is a way of universalizing male experiences, erasing female sexual identity, and sparing men the exposure and vulnerability that come with being sexualised, aestheticised, and assessed. So the idea that women wouldn't naturally be interested in penises just seems like the pinnacle of patriarchal culture to me. I file it next to: don't think about sex, don't care about sex, don't have sex, don't expect to enjoy it, don't know whether it's good or not, don't sit in judgment of anybody's penis, and don't forget to to just be grateful for his kind eyes and occasional willingness to wash a dish. Like, the kind of shit the Pope wants me to do.
posted by two or three cars parked under the stars at 8:46 PM on August 22 [6 favorites]


TIL I need to place an Amazon order for some (more) colored boots, assorted cod pieces, exercise bands, fake chest hair and a Wii cock ring attachment.
posted by smidgen at 9:08 PM on August 22


the cock thing just always reads as an attempt to apply the male gaze onto men, not create a female gaze, to me. I see that everyone's mileage may vary on that, though my points about the social harm caused by equivalating breasts to genitalia still stand even if you don't buy my more theoretical stuff
posted by NoraReed at 9:12 PM on August 22 [4 favorites]


I agree with everyone and this conversation is awesome.

Also, hands and thighs.
posted by heatvision at 5:03 AM on August 23


also for sure someone has tied a wiimote to their peen and done sports

brb
posted by Conspire at 12:36 AM on August 23 [8 favorites +] [!]


ladies and gentlemens there goes a true hero
posted by elizardbits



You two just made my morning. I choked on my coffee from laughing.

So many funny pictures in my head.
posted by Jalliah at 6:09 AM on August 23 [4 favorites]


arms, definitely arms, arms and shoulders

So when I was younger, I used to bug my friends who were attracted to men about what it was they looked at that would get them hot under the collar. And I could never get it. Like I had seen a dude's butt or arms or calves or shoulders and was like "okay those are well-formed" but they didn't strike me as viscerally appealing in the way I felt when looking at a woman I found attractive.

Then one night I am watching Kids in the Hall and Scott Thompson (who clearly started working out at some point) is doing a monologue and he crosses his arms in front of him. And like two minutes later I realize I had spent the entire sketch straight-up ogling his forearms and it was like finally being able to see the dolphin in the Magic Eye picture.
posted by griphus at 6:37 AM on August 23 [8 favorites]


That's like me but for women and Bruce McCulloch dressed as Tammy
posted by Greg Nog at 6:49 AM on August 23


NoraReed, I do agree with you about the social harm of our society's breast fetish. I'm just tired of being told that I don't actually find penises sexy cause I'm a chick. I still have fond memories of the pilot of some crappy tv show with a post-shower scene featuring the male lead in a white towel. You could clearly see the outline of his dick for the whole scene and it was one of those, oh so that's a thing I like! moments for me.

If I was queen, my female gaze pop culture would look a lot like Teen Wolf but with much, much tighter pants, close ups of guys hands gesturing, and Stiles shirtless scenes. And Arrow would just be an hour of the guys doing insane physical stunts in boxer briefs.
posted by Squeak Attack at 8:48 AM on August 23 [1 favorite]


Teen supernatural shows are often really big on the sexploitation of male leads, but it's usually done in this way that's not at all intimate (the camera is usually so far away?) and is ALWAYS ABOUT THE ABS, and I frankly don't find it that sexy. Like, I don't really get off from a far-away shot of some dude just standing around randomly not wearing a shirt. Doing upside down sit ups without a shirt is marginally better (thanks, Arrow!), but I feel more like I'm supposed to admire how hard the guy worked to get those muscles than to actually "consume" the body [fe]male gaze style. I like all those body parts-usually-covered-by-shirts and all (uh I guess. I mean, I like stomachs OK, I don't have a PROBLEM with stomachs), but it takes more than just showing some skin for something to come off as "sexy."

By the way, I think that Hannibal does the most uncomfortable version of "genderflipped male gaze" thing ever. There are SO MANY scenes where the camera is liiiiiiiingering over a guy (usually either Hannibal or Will) and you KNOW that the character himself isn't feeling like the moment/scene is sexual but it's like you can't help getting kind of hot and bothered as you watch. Or maybe that's just me, but I don't think it is, I think it's on purpose on the part of the showrunner/show.

Anyway, I think that a lot of these Cracked images worked because they actually were kind of sexy in the weird predatory way that I guess lots of real-life mainstream images of women are sexy for straight men. Like I really did find that choco-taco ad kind of hot and the image of all those women drooling over those two guys making out in a bar felt really creepy and predatory yet hot...I dunno, I guess when I see those kinds of images in real life with women in the Sex Object role I don't really experience it as a turn on or feel like I'm in the role of predator (I'm a woman), the way that I guess a straight man would see those images -- so seeing guys in these Cracked images depicted not just as sexy eye candy (which they often now are in mainstream media, like in Teen Wolf or whatever) but as PREY specifically and as "things" to be PREYED UPON SEXUALLY and as VULNERABLE was kind of surprising. And that I still found some of those images (like the guys being screamed at to make out) sexy despite myself was honestly kind of disturbing and enlightening to me.

But yeah, thinking about it now, that's also the kind of "finding it sexy despite myself" and seeing men depicted as sexual prey is something that the show Hannibal plays around with quite a lot and is part of what makes it feel so unsettling and uncanny. Otherwise, I can't think of any media that does that consistently?
posted by rue72 at 9:47 AM on August 23 [3 favorites]


Luann and Denise run into the tunnel. Luann slams the door shut behind them, while Denise slumps against the wall. She is bleeding from a wound in her gut. Luann sees this.

LUANN - You've been hit.
DENISE - Yeah.

The door begins to shake as it is pounded from the other side.

DENISE - Give me the bomb.

Luann realizes what Denise is planning.

LUANN - We can still get you out.
DENISE - No, I'll just slow you down. Get to the pyramid before midnight. And ... I know I didn't much care for you when we first met. But that just because ... I didn't think you were good enough for Robert. But I was wrong. You're a good woman. Promise you'll take care of Robert for me. Will ya?
LUANN - I will.
DENISE - Now give me that thing and get out of here.

Luann looks down at the bomb. She slowly hands it over to Denise and they lock eyes.

The door begins to crack. It will not hold much longer. Denise snatches the bomb.

DENISE - Get the hell outta here!

Luann turns and runs down the tunnel.

The door splinters open, and a B.E.T.T.Y. enters. Scanning the tunnel, it sees Luann running and begins to take aim.

DENISE - Hey, asshole!

The B.E.T.T.Y. turns its head to look at Denise, then down to the bomb she is holding.

DENISE - See you in hell.

Denise pushes the plunger and the bomb explodes. Luann runs away from the explosion and leaps behind a pile of rubble.
posted by RobotHero at 10:00 AM on August 23 [1 favorite]


omg what if they had a Jeopardy category called "authors" and all of the authors were female. omg.

That would be some ancillary justice, for sure.
posted by SpacemanStix at 10:46 AM on August 23 [3 favorites]


Is that an Ann Leckie reference?
posted by d. z. wang at 11:06 AM on August 23


Yes. All of her pronoun references are feminine in Ancillary Justice, and it is a brilliant device for making you think about gender expectations.
posted by SpacemanStix at 11:19 AM on August 23


Yeah, that was neat. Also, the first time I've read first person omniscient. I'm looking forward to Ancillary Sword in October.
posted by d. z. wang at 10:22 AM on August 24


I can't believe that it's coming out in October already. I'm really excited for it.
posted by SpacemanStix at 10:43 AM on August 24


Ha! Enjoyed those. Thanks for the post, phunniemee.
posted by nickyskye at 2:33 PM on August 26


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