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Haiku Decisis
August 22, 2014 5:06 PM   Subscribe


 
This bill was brought by
brought by the original
owner of the land.

Dunhan v. Jones (1895)
I found a mistake! Your whole law for the last 120 years is wrong!
posted by ddd at 5:16 PM on August 22


I don't understand why I love regular speech/writing turned into haikus SO MUCH. But every time it comes up, it makes me so happy.
To be a seaman,
the employee need not aid
in navigation.

Southwest Marine, Inc v. Gizoni (1991)
I couldn't agree more.
posted by brainmouse at 5:19 PM on August 22 [3 favorites]


The liquor was to
be tested, to see whether
her beliefs were sound.

Shepard v. United States (1933)

I don't want to go find the context and spoil this one.
posted by Lazlo Hollyfeld at 5:21 PM on August 22 [1 favorite]


Yet today the Court
cites Lyons as support for
its "guilty secret"

Oregon v. Elstad (1985)
Oh god I love this so much. This and the fish playing Street Fighter.
posted by brainmouse at 5:36 PM on August 22


What New York could not
do directly, it may not
do indirectly.

20 1094 George Campbell Painting Corp v. Reid (1968)
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:37 PM on August 22 [3 favorites]


The monument stands
diagonally as the
line turns to the east.

State of Maryland v. State of West Virginia (1912)
posted by GrammarMoses at 5:38 PM on August 22 [8 favorites]


I see no reason
to bind ourselves forever
to that perception.

Burnham v. (1990)
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:40 PM on August 22 [2 favorites]


Yet, happily, all
constitutional questions
are always open.

Gideon v. Wainwright (1963)


We properly may
say that we all know the fact
to be otherwise.

Cuba Railroad Company v. Walter Crosby (1912)
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:43 PM on August 22


reversed insofar
as it leaves undisturbed the
death sentence imposed

Schick v. Reed 8212 5677 (1974)
posted by GrammarMoses at 5:46 PM on August 22 [1 favorite]


We are happy to
allow the videotape
to speak for itself.

Scott v. Harris (2007)
posted by Pfardentrott at 5:49 PM on August 22 [1 favorite]


It was not only
made a party, but it was
a proper party.


Washington Co v. Coeur Alene Ry Nav Co (1895)
posted by nubs at 5:59 PM on August 22 [4 favorites]


Because we didn't
know what was going on, and
wanted to find out.

DOYLE V. OHIO (1976)
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:00 PM on August 22 [2 favorites]


He answered that it
was all right, and repeated
the same thing next day.

Sonnentheil v. Christian Moerlein Brewing Co (1899)


We are satisfied
that the door has not yet been
thrown open thus wide.

United States v. Jones Same v. Taubenheimer Same v. Montgomery (1889)
posted by Hairy Lobster at 6:02 PM on August 22


The washer keeps the
eye of the bail from rubbing
the wood of the pail.

Tack Co v. Two Rivers Manuf Co (1883)
posted by Quilford at 6:06 PM on August 22 [5 favorites]


Most of the letter
does not even talk about
President Reagan.

Hunter v. Bryant (1991)


It stood until it
was taken down and replaced
by a larger one.

Francois Fenelon Vidal, John Girard, and Others, Citizens and Subjects of the Monarchy of France, and Henry Stump, Complainants and Appellants v. the Mayor, Aldermen and Citizens of Philadelphia, the Executors of Stephen Girard, and Others, Defendants (1844)


If sane, he hardly
may be heard to say that he
knew not what he did.

Screws v. United States (1945)
posted by Hairy Lobster at 6:06 PM on August 22 [3 favorites]


The next night, after
she ate some soup, he choked her
and she stopped moving.

Dobbert v. Wainwright (1984)

Wow, that's noir.
posted by GrammarMoses at 6:10 PM on August 22 [10 favorites]


MUST STOP... CAN'T...

Perhaps I should have
said that such an event should
come as a surprise.

Columbia Broadcasting System, Inc v. Democratic National Committee Federal Communications Commission v. Business Executives Move For Vietnam Peace Stations, Capital Area, Inc v. Business Executives Move For Vietnam Peace American Broadcasting Companies, I (1973)
posted by Hairy Lobster at 6:10 PM on August 22


Because I find the
matter more complicated
than that, I dissent.

United States Department of Transportation v. Paralyzed Veterans of America (1986)


The skin upon which
the substance grows is the thing
that is valuable.

Goat Sheepskin Import Company v. United States (1907)
posted by Hairy Lobster at 6:13 PM on August 22 [4 favorites]


These are like Rorschach tests.


But admitting that
it might be of some use, would
it be possible?

Evans v. Eaton (1822)
posted by GrammarMoses at 6:14 PM on August 22 [2 favorites]


It was assured of
nothing but opposition
and litigation.

Bliss Co v. United States (1918)
posted by GrammarMoses at 6:18 PM on August 22


OK, my last ones for a bit... gotta get away from this awesome and way too addictive time-suck.

In this context what
is true of public schools is
true of public parks.

Evans v. Abney (1970)


They have gone as far
as it would be reasonable
and proper to go.

Pierre Gassies, Plaintiff In Error v. Jean Gassies Ballon, Defendant In Error (1832)
posted by Hairy Lobster at 6:20 PM on August 22 [3 favorites]


A panic fear would
not excuse the captain; the
danger must be real.

Charles Barnard, Abel Adams, George Barnard, and Charles Larkin, Plaintiffs In Error v. Joseph Adams, Andrew Bennet, and Joseph Fletcher (1850)
posted by waitingtoderail at 6:45 PM on August 22 [2 favorites]


Moreover, it will
make his subsequent return
home more difficult.

Parham v. (1977)
posted by graymouser at 6:47 PM on August 22


I think in balance
We are not to regulate
This cursed dog school

Sheriff McKenzie vs United States (2014)
posted by passerby at 6:48 PM on August 22 [6 favorites]


So good!

But I am only
asking you are you going
to give me the works?

Berger v. United States (1935)


Unable to see
inside, they walked through the back
doorway unannounced.

Recznik v. City of Lorain (1968)


This holds equally
of a city lot or all
the land in the world.

William Wright v. Central of Georgia Railway Company (1915)
posted by polymath at 6:56 PM on August 22 [2 favorites]


Sheriff McKenzie vs United States (2014)

That 'United States' there has got to be a typo for 'Scooby and the gang'.
posted by hap_hazard at 6:56 PM on August 22 [1 favorite]


If a device in
Your nono stops babies cold
Then babies are weak

~ Unattributed, 2014 CE
posted by passerby at 6:58 PM on August 22 [1 favorite]


An affirmative
answer would produce novel
and startling results.

Alabama Power Co v. Ickes (1938)
posted by polymath at 7:00 PM on August 22 [1 favorite]


Let us revert to
the question before the court,
and see what it is.

William Houston and Others, and Francis Fisk and Others, Plaintiffs In Error v. the City Bank of New Orleans (1848)


I have some land in
Whiteside county which I would
like to let you have.

McLean v. Clapp (1891)
posted by Hairy Lobster at 7:01 PM on August 22


If a horse is man
Then what of our horse housing
this horsehold worth nothing

Horse vs United States 1944
posted by passerby at 7:08 PM on August 22 [3 favorites]


This seriously
changes how I've viewed haiku
for most of my life.
posted by odinsdream at 7:12 PM on August 22


I feel this court knows
That I only rule so dark
because life is fucked

Roberts, yearbook, 2011
posted by passerby at 7:34 PM on August 22


Metafilter:

It was assured of
nothing but opposition
and litigation.
posted by Quilford at 7:36 PM on August 22 [1 favorite]


you hated it so
I would wear exotic snakes
now my rulings snap

Ginsberg v Dad, personal dispute, 2013
posted by passerby at 7:58 PM on August 22


Erm....maybe it's just me, but all of them are really boring? Just like the rest of the law.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:06 PM on August 22 [1 favorite]


And when he told his
girlfriend to give him his piece,
I couldn't retreat.
And:
This is clearly an
enlargement of the terms of
the constitution.
posted by Rangi at 8:07 PM on August 22


Who could have problems
with eight beautiful, different
women to choose from?

Quantity of Copies of Books v. State of Kansas (1964)

Here the chance is so
remote that it dwindles to
the vanishing point.

Snyder v. Commonwealth of Massachusetts (1934)

His skull was crushed, and
there was a bullet hole in
it back of the ear.

Alexander v. United States (1891)
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:00 PM on August 22 [3 favorites]


They have gone as far
as it would be reasonable
and proper to go.

Pierre Gassies, Plaintiff In Error v. Jean Gassies Ballon, Defendant In Error (1832)
posted by Paris Elk at 5:39 AM on August 23 [3 favorites]


During the second
evening came a fresh to strong
northwesterly breeze.

Compania De Navegacion, Interior v. Fireman Fund Ins Co Same v. Globe Rutgers Fire Ins Co Same v. Northwestern Fire Marine Ins Co Same v. Hartford Fire Ins Co Same v. National Liberty Ins Co Same v. Aetna Ins Co Same v. Western Assur Co Same v. Liverpool (1928)
posted by Solon and Thanks at 5:50 AM on August 23 [2 favorites]


I want a tweetbot version.
posted by univac at 5:56 AM on August 23


Plans for the "briefcase
caper," as Casper called it,
began in earnest.

United States v. Payner (1980)
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:47 AM on August 23


Two and two have been
added together, and still
they make only four.

Great Atlantic Pacific Tea Co v. Supermarket Equipment Corp (1950)
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:01 AM on August 23 [3 favorites]


He came in Tuesday
night, last Tuesday night was the
first time I saw him.

Morris v. Slappy (1983)
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:01 AM on August 23


"Slappy" sounds like a
punch-drunk, floppy-eared, almost-
Scooby cartoon dog.
posted by GrammarMoses at 7:52 AM on August 23 [1 favorite]


Enough with the haiku, Internet!

Give us some sestinas!
posted by fredludd at 8:04 AM on August 23 [1 favorite]


Due process of law
is process according to
the law of the land.

Hurtado v. People of the State of California (1884)

Can't argue with that!
posted by languagehat at 8:07 AM on August 23


First, the contempt here
was by any standards a
most egregious one.

Green v. United States (1958)
posted by midatlanticwanderer at 12:05 PM on August 23 [1 favorite]


Metafilter:

First, the contempt here
was by any standards a
most egregious one.
posted by GrammarMoses at 4:37 PM on August 23


Time sometimes can be
disregarded when it is
insignificant.

National City Bank of New York v. Henry Hotchkiss No 459 Henry Hotchkiss v. National City Bank of New York No 460 (1913)
posted by southern_sky at 5:58 AM on August 24


I want these in my fortune cookies.
posted by Omnomnom at 6:57 AM on August 24


The first one I got said something about lawmakers being "learned in the law" (unfortunately I reloaded the page and can't retrieve the exact citation). This threw off the syllable counting algorithm, since it treated "learned" as one syllable instead of two.
posted by mbrubeck at 8:41 AM on August 24


A koan on acquisitiveness:

If they ever came
into my hands at all, they
just passed through my hands.

Northern Pacific Railway Company v. Joseph Boyd (1913)
posted by GrammarMoses at 9:09 AM on August 24 [1 favorite]


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