"MY INVISIBLE GIRLFRIEND… WILL I LOVE HER?"

August 25, 2014 9:10 AM

"Finally. A girlfriend your family can believe in." "Invisible Girlfriend gives you real-world and social proof that you’re in a relationship - even if you’re not - so you can get back to living life on your own terms."

WHAT IS THIS “INVISIBLE GIRLFRIEND?”

Glad you asked. Invisible Girlfriend was created to deliver solutions for those uninterested in a “right now” relationship. Put simply, this platform helps you create credible, reasonable stories that you can bring home to curious mom, your buddies, and coworkers. These stories are backed by virtual and real-world social proof.

[FAQ]

Related: Invisible Boyfriend

posted by Fizz (49 comments total)

I would have liked this better if it were called "Girlfriend (or Boyfriend) in Canada."
posted by Cash4Lead at 9:13 AM on August 25, 2014 [28 favorites]

I e-mail her every single day
Just to make sure that everything's okay.
It's a pity she lives so far away, in Canada!
posted by dhartung at 9:14 AM on August 25, 2014 [7 favorites]

WE NEED YOUR SELFIES!

Ever wanted to be someone’s “invisible” girlfriend or boyfriend? Now’s your chance! We’re looking for real pictures of real women and men (18 and over, and of all ethnicities) that we can use for our new web-based service.

Oh. My. God.

Can I send in a picture of my cat?
posted by maryr at 9:16 AM on August 25, 2014 [13 favorites]

Saw this linked around a while back and it's just... this can't be real, right? It's some kind of very po-faced parody, or viral marketing, or something, right?
posted by kmz at 9:17 AM on August 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Throw in an INVISIBLE BICYCLE built for two, and it's a deal.
posted by Strange Interlude at 9:17 AM on August 25, 2014 [6 favorites]

> Just fill in the blanks in the story of how you met, including the charming thing you whispered in her ear.

If I could think of something charming to whisper in someone's ear, I wouldn't need an invisible girlfriend!
posted by Phssthpok at 9:18 AM on August 25, 2014 [8 favorites]

Saw this linked around a while back and it's just... this can't be real, right? It's some kind of very po-faced parody, or viral marketing, or something, right?

Maybe Ronaiah Tuiasosopo finally secured his VC funding.
posted by Strange Interlude at 9:20 AM on August 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

I have this theory that all of civilization will grind to a halt when everyone admits socializing is too difficult and everyine would rather stay inside watching Netflix until they starve to death.
posted by The Whelk at 9:20 AM on August 25, 2014 [43 favorites]

I am not attractive enough to be what this site is looking for, but I find the idea so hilarious that I am a little tempted to send in a picture. It'll pass momentarily...

Yup, I can imagine what the pictures will generally be used for. Yup, that passed quickly enough.
posted by maryr at 9:23 AM on August 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Ahh yes, another of St. Louis' finest exports. Man, we are just rockin' it lately, huh?

Sigh.
posted by limeonaire at 9:25 AM on August 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

They used to call this a beard, though the goal of being left alone is novel.
posted by stbalbach at 9:26 AM on August 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

Oh. My. God.

Can I send in a picture of my cat?
posted by maryr at 12:16 PM on August 25 [2 favorites +] [!]

How about we get a kickstarter for "Invisible Cat"?

I want the fame and fortune that comes with a viral cat video lifestyle! But I'm also lazy and don't have time to properly care for a real life cat.
posted by Fizz at 9:26 AM on August 25, 2014 [8 favorites]

The first reason listed both times the FAQ discusses why anyone would want a fake girlfriend sending them fake texts is that the client is LGBT. And a closet-facilitating service in 2014 strikes me as really sad.
posted by DrMew at 9:26 AM on August 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

Endorsed by Manti Te'o!
posted by Eekacat at 9:27 AM on August 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

maryr: Can I send in a picture of my cat?

Strange Interlude: Throw in an INVISIBLE BICYCLE built for two, and it's a deal.

Here you are.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:28 AM on August 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

I guess the plot of Her 2 is obvious.
posted by Beardman at 9:30 AM on August 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

In essence, your girlfriend will be someone you’re not ashamed to bring home to mom, a homebody bridging the gap between Plain Jane and a wildcard. Our girlfriends are credible proof who are obtainable and believable.

"I just want you to know that I love your son very much."
"You do?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"May I ask why?"
posted by griphus at 9:34 AM on August 25, 2014 [10 favorites]

Do they look at a picture of you and then decide on how attractive a girlfriend you could credibly have? "He's a 4, so we'll need someone in the 2-6 range."
posted by Area Man at 9:36 AM on August 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

The private beta is launching soon and we’re looking for awesome, enthusiastic people to join. If accepted, you will receive access to create an account, build a girlfriend, and use all of the services for a small one-time fee. Don’t worry, if you aren’t selected we will still contact you when we launch publicly.

Pay us to help you lie. It's like a capitalist wet dream.
posted by Celsius1414 at 9:38 AM on August 25, 2014

You're a real dreamboat, ___BILLY_EVERYTEEN___.
posted by Poldo at 9:42 AM on August 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

This sounds fantastic but she'd probably dump me.

I get tired of being asked things like "Why aren't you married?" "Did you go out this weekend?" "When are you going to get a girlfriend?" So I am stuck between hastily constructed lies, painful honesty, or just changing the subject.

The interest varies from Concerned to generally Prying, but it would be nice if folks would just bother to accumulate all of the general avoidance into a "maybe it would be more comfortable for everyone if I stopped asking about this," because I often do not have the energy to be kind and reasonable about saying, "No, the answer will always be no. And why don't I want to talk about it? No again."

I just don't always have it in me to sit down with people and have a discussion that starts off with "Not everyone is a winner in life. Some of us don't even show up to the race."
posted by adipocere at 9:44 AM on August 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

This is Act 1 of the best Twilight Zone episode EVER!
posted by Mogur at 10:02 AM on August 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

Look, they say it's easier to get a job while you already have a job.

I've found this is the case with dating as well. Every time I was in a relationship I had options and had to turn women down. When I had no one in my life and was actually interested it was a desert. Now, I am one of those "serial monogamist" type of guys, so the idea of dating more than one woman at a time isn't going to happen, and I always figure the kind of person who bails on a partner to go with the type of woman who would date a taken man…well, both get what they deserve.

Anyway, I could totally see doing something like this in those times when I was single and not interested in changing that. I'd think it would backfire though. What if you met the perfect partner, but she had no interest because you were already partnered? Or, again, worse was interested?
posted by cjorgensen at 10:03 AM on August 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

I'd think it would backfire though. What if you met the perfect partner, but she had no interest because you were already partnered? Or, again, worse was interested?

Co-stan-za
posted by griphus at 10:10 AM on August 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

I just don't always have it in me to sit down with people and have a discussion that starts off with "Not everyone is a winner in life. Some of us don't even show up to the race."

I have found that always responding to wails of "but i/we worry about you!" with "and that's why i don't tell you anything and never will" eventually works after about 3-4 years of saying literally nothing else on the subject. It is tedious and demoralizing but the payoff is grand.
posted by elizardbits at 10:13 AM on August 25, 2014 [5 favorites]

It's an interesting ethical question. Many of us tell lies of varying severity on a day to day basis, if for no other reason than to spare ourselves some effort. For example, I have a chronic pain condition and when some folks ask how I am doing I'll just answer "fine" to save a long and awkward conversation. Isn't this really just an extension of that?

Tangentially, thousands of girlfriends worldwide will become invisible when the World of Warcraft expansion drops in November.

I play World of Warcraft. Lighten up, Francis
Horde players smell like bologna
posted by DWRoelands at 10:14 AM on August 25, 2014 [5 favorites]

Next up: Invisible Grandkids
posted by salvia at 10:24 AM on August 25, 2014 [8 favorites]

This is Act 1 of the best Twilight Zone episode EVER!

You show up for Thanksgiving dinner at your parents' making apologies for your "girlfriend" as she was unexpectedly called in to work on an important project and had to stay in the city.

Then halfway through dinner the doorbell rings and there she is, the woman from the photo, hugging your mother and telling her "...crisis averted! I'm so happy I could make it. It's great to meet you!"

Your brother makes room next to you and sets a place for her. She squeezes your hand as she sits and you notice her engagement ring as it catches the light.
posted by ODiV at 10:30 AM on August 25, 2014 [59 favorites]

Now I'm thinking they'd make a killing if you got a free month of this service when you signed up for JDate.
posted by griphus at 10:31 AM on August 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

I have this theory that all of civilization will grind to a halt when everyone admits socializing is too difficult and everyine would rather stay inside watching Netflix until they starve to death.

They wrote the book on that 14 years ago: http://bowlingalone.com/
posted by deathmaven at 10:33 AM on August 25, 2014

Given how many people cite that "Well I like going out on Friday nights sometimes... but the rest of the time I enjoy snuggling with a wine bottle at home and watching Netflix", perhaps remote multiviewer social screening parties could be the next big thing to save our species.
posted by Apocryphon at 10:49 AM on August 25, 2014

remote multiviewer social screening parties

fanfare.metafilter.com
posted by the man of twists and turns at 10:54 AM on August 25, 2014 [7 favorites]

And a closet-facilitating service in 2014 strikes me as really sad.

Agreed, sorta. But 'sad' doesn't mean it's not still in-demand. I mean, there are lots of things that are sad, and I wish they didn't need to exist, but the world being as it is it's probably good that they're around.

I don't want to generalize too much from my social circle, but I know a lot of people who are out of the closet except for their immediate family. Or sometimes just their parents, or grandparents. Or their one creepy born-again uncle they only see once a year. Or whatever. Which is still shitty, but it's really hard to break up with family even when they are incorrigible assholes.

And given that people are going to lie anyway, to keep the peace or keep from getting written out of Grandpa Asshole's will or whatever, I don't know if letting people lie less stressfully is necessarily bad.

If the service doesn't turn out to just be a joke, I'd say their peak season is going to be Thanksgiving through Christmas, with most people dropping it just as soon as they get the fuck away from their crazy families in January.
posted by Kadin2048 at 11:23 AM on August 25, 2014

She squeezes your hand as she sits and you notice her engagement ring as it catches the light.
My god, and I was just reading about Chinese ghost marriages.
posted by glasseyes at 12:54 PM on August 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

I guess the plot of Her 2 is obvious.
posted by Beardman at 12:30 PM on August 25

Hmmm, yeah. (And eponysterical?)
Obviously the invisible boyfriend hooks up with the invisible girlfriend and dumps the client.
posted by RedOrGreen at 12:57 PM on August 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Invisible girlfriend's cat hates you and craps ghost poop in your shoes.
posted by arcticseal at 1:11 PM on August 25, 2014

I have this theory that all of civilization will grind to a halt when everyone admits socializing is too difficult and everyine would rather stay inside watching Netflix until they starve to death.

If I can't sit on the couch watching Battlestar Galactica, it's not my revolution.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 2:27 PM on August 25, 2014

My cat will hate you for free.
posted by maryr at 2:28 PM on August 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

If I was still talking to certain relatives of mine, this might have come in handy. Except after about a year there's gonna be a problem when the marital nagging starts.
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:30 PM on August 25, 2014

I just don't always have it in me to sit down with people and have a discussion that starts off with "Not everyone is a winner in life. Some of us don't even show up to the race."
posted by adipocere at 9:44 AM on August 25 [1 favorite +] [!]

Aw, adipocere, I think you're awesome. You're a great addition to the community (you've been favorited almost 20k times! I've been here forever and haven't even broke a thousand!), you give good comment, and I bet you have at least one trait/hobby that would make me excitedly say, "No way, seriously?!" if I met you at a party. So don't let the bastards bring you down.
posted by sfkiddo at 2:32 PM on August 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

I don't condone lying but I would make a fantastic invisible mother-in-law.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 2:50 PM on August 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Did I miss why there's only a service for girlfriends?
posted by Mooseli at 3:34 PM on August 25, 2014

Did I miss why there's only a service for girlfriends?

Yes.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 3:37 PM on August 25, 2014

(There is also a service for boyfriends. It is pretty easy to find linked on the girlfriend page.)
posted by maryr at 3:38 PM on August 25, 2014

(also, right there in the body of the post)
posted by russm at 4:05 PM on August 25, 2014

Throw in an INVISIBLE BICYCLE built for two, and it's a deal.

An invisible woman needs an invisible man like an invisible fish needs an invisible bicycle
posted by threeants at 5:21 PM on August 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

so basically a whole lot
posted by threeants at 5:22 PM on August 25, 2014

ODiV is reading my mind. All hail ODiV.
posted by Mogur at 5:25 PM on August 25, 2014

Then halfway through dinner the doorbell rings and there she is, the woman from the photo, hugging your mother and telling her "...crisis averted! I'm so happy I could make it. It's great to meet you!"

This is in fact the plot of a 1991 episode of the children's television show Hey Dude.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 7:13 AM on August 28, 2014