IRRESISTIBLE HORSE HOODS
August 27, 2014 6:24 PM   Subscribe

IRRESISTIBLEHORSEHOODS DOT COM AUTO PLAY MUSIC AUTO LOAD HORSE PICS WIDE ARRAY OF STYLES GREAT DEAL BUY NOW
posted by Greg Nog (60 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

 
SLEAZY|SLINKY|WAIT IS THIS A BESTIALITY THING I'M SO CONFUSED
posted by showbiz_liz at 6:29 PM on August 27, 2014 [1 favorite]


HORSE
posted by Greg Nog at 6:29 PM on August 27, 2014 [1 favorite]


So Batman and Superman have the logo on the chest like regular, but look at Spiderman! What the hell!
posted by showbiz_liz at 6:30 PM on August 27, 2014


what is happen
posted by elizardbits at 6:33 PM on August 27, 2014 [2 favorites]




ONLY YOU KNOW THE SIZE OF YOUR HORSE
posted by codacorolla at 6:34 PM on August 27, 2014 [3 favorites]


I resisted a horse hood once, and look where it's got me.
posted by moonmilk at 6:38 PM on August 27, 2014 [3 favorites]


This is one of those things that in retrospect you wish you didn't know about.

There's a lot of those things.
posted by angerbot at 6:46 PM on August 27, 2014 [1 favorite]


This is the first good thing to ever happen to the internet.
posted by Sticherbeast at 6:51 PM on August 27, 2014 [2 favorites]


Wait is this a real thing that you can put a costume on a horse? Because my daughter's godmother works at a stable and is hard to buy gifts for. Is this hurting the horses, like it's uncomfortable, or just humiliating them? Because the Wonder Woman hood looks awesome.
posted by viggorlijah at 6:56 PM on August 27, 2014




Have we reached peak horse hood?
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:02 PM on August 27, 2014 [3 favorites]


Oh man viggorlijah if you've never seen a horse costume contest, hold onto your jodhpurs because they are magical. Then again, you can also procure normal gear that's, well...

is it too soon for a tack-y joke
posted by jetlagaddict at 7:09 PM on August 27, 2014 [15 favorites]


For Halloween I'll be disguised as my horse and my horse will be disguised as me! Except I don't have a horse. :•(
posted by XMLicious at 7:09 PM on August 27, 2014 [3 favorites]


Oh jetlagaddict! I will get measurements from her mum to plan a Christmas present. You can put HATS on a horse. That is wonderful
posted by viggorlijah at 7:11 PM on August 27, 2014


Spider-horse, Spider-horse, slinky, sleazy Spider-horse
Wide array of the styles? Only you, know the size
Cute cute! Full body sheet Spider-horse

Spider-horse, Spider-horse, 800-1100 lbs Spider-horse
Zebra horse shoulder guard, He's the talk, of the yard
Looks greAt! SUprfast Spider-horse

In his matching tail bag, at Halloween | Horse show | Parade
Thank You!! Perfect transaction, A+++ grade

Spider-horse, Spider-horse, Irresistible Horsehood Spider-horse
Auto-play, auto-load, all available items sold,
BUY NOW Here comes the Spider-horse
posted by oulipian at 7:11 PM on August 27, 2014 [27 favorites]


I made a joke Patreon page a couple days ago to make fun of some Men's Rights Activists and had a dream shortly after of creating a mascot for it called Disappointment Horse that was a badly digitally drawn horse that got different hats based on donation levels

Anyway now I'm a bit terrified that in some karmic, trickster-god payment for my hatred of Jung I have been put into some horrible collective subconscious where we all dream of strange and horrible ways to dress up horses
posted by NoraReed at 7:22 PM on August 27, 2014 [3 favorites]


Is this real or is this like horse_ebooks though.
posted by emjaybee at 7:28 PM on August 27, 2014


SANTA HORSE COSTUME WITH SANTA HAT HORSE SLEAZY SLINKY COSTUMES





dude.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:33 PM on August 27, 2014


Oh man viggorlijah if you've never seen a horse costume contest, hold onto your jodhpurs because they are magical.

SCREAMING STATUS: SCREAMING
posted by Greg Nog at 7:43 PM on August 27, 2014 [18 favorites]


you can also procure normal gear that's, well...

Whoa, after my dog's chemo appointments, they'd bandage his leg with that exact same lime green zebra print! Or sometimes purple with leopard spots...
posted by moonmilk at 7:48 PM on August 27, 2014


Those are the most amazingly patient horses ever.
posted by gingerest at 7:49 PM on August 27, 2014


When suddenly Johnny gets the feeling he's being surrounded by
horses, horses, horses, horses
coming in in all directions
white shining silver studs with their nose in flames,
He saw horses, horses, horses, horses, horses, horses, horses, horses.
posted by stbalbach at 7:51 PM on August 27, 2014 [1 favorite]


A horse is a horse, of course, of course
And no one can costume a horse of course
That is of course, unless the horse
Visits www.irresistiblehorsehoods.com

Go right to the source and order your horse
A fabulous outfit that's sleazy and coarse
Or dress him as Batman, or Mickey Morse
At www.irresistiblehorsehoods.com!
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:59 PM on August 27, 2014 [13 favorites]


So... It's irresistiblehorsehoods.com because dapperhorsehoods.com was taken? Or cosplayhorsehoods.com? Or awesomehorsehoods.com?
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 8:05 PM on August 27, 2014


So now I can dress my horse in a giraffe costume, but where do I go to find a horse costume for my giraffe?
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 8:14 PM on August 27, 2014 [1 favorite]


I don't know how in god's name you found this but it owns, thanks for posting it
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 8:27 PM on August 27, 2014


As long as everyone takes a shower I don't see what the big deal is.
posted by Mr. Six at 8:34 PM on August 27, 2014


Oh man viggorlijah if you've never seen a horse costume contest, hold onto your jodhpurs because they are magical.

Wow, you'd never guess there were two people inside!
posted by Room 641-A at 8:37 PM on August 27, 2014 [4 favorites]


This is like dressing you cats up except if your cats could fairly easily trample you to death.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:37 PM on August 27, 2014 [10 favorites]


(That was a compliment by the way.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:40 PM on August 27, 2014 [1 favorite]


I had absolutely no idea, or could I have ever envisioned, that this is the site that would cheer me up after an insane couple of days (I had a friend ask me whether I'd suddenly started living in a telenovela). Thank you.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:45 PM on August 27, 2014


Oh my god this almost makes me wish I was still married to my first wife just so I could insist on dressing her horse like Batman.

Also, be sure to check out the full line of Uncle Jimmy's horse products, including Uncle Jimmy's Hangin' Ball, Uncle Jimmy's Squeezy Buns, and Uncle Jimmy's Licky Things. If you're confused, head to the FAQ for answers to important questions like "What purpose does the Uncle Jimmy’s Pecker Recker serve?" and "Is Uncle Jimmy a real person?"
posted by compartment at 9:09 PM on August 27, 2014 [2 favorites]


Horses will put up with just about fucking anything, huh? Cats wouldn't put up with that shit (cue the cat costume pics!!!)
posted by Curious Artificer at 10:07 PM on August 27, 2014


I don't know how they got that hood on that horse or why
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 10:17 PM on August 27, 2014 [6 favorites]


Really, you should be shaving (or better, waxing) your horse's legs if you're going to put one of these on it.
posted by Invisible Green Time-Lapse Peloton at 10:32 PM on August 27, 2014


I wonder what Nietzsche would have to say about these horse costumes.
posted by Pudhoho at 10:55 PM on August 27, 2014


Is this real or is this like horse_ebooks though.

They're real, you use them at horse shows to keep gray/ messy horses clean and to keep some horses from rubbing their braids out. The shoulder ones (referred to as "bras") go under blankets in the winter for some horses who, when clipped, tend to get rubs in their hair. Because horse people are bonkers they quickly evolved from plain black lycra to the madness you see today.

Costume contests with horses are great. You have to carefully balance your creativity with the chance that you'll add one too many elements, your horse or another horse is going to freak the fuck out about the dragon wings and you'll all die.

The linked costume contest is lame btw. For maximum thrills you must ride the horse both directions at all three hairs and also a gallop lap of victory for the winners. The really good shows used to let everyone do a gallop lap in costume. Good times.
posted by fshgrl at 12:00 AM on August 28, 2014 [7 favorites]


Not hairs, gaits. Stupid phone.
posted by fshgrl at 12:05 AM on August 28, 2014 [1 favorite]


WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST BUY A ZEBRA IN THE FIRST PLACE
posted by Wolfdog at 2:31 AM on August 28, 2014


Is this hurting the horses, like it's uncomfortable, or just humiliating them?

why why whyyyy would you ever put a hood on a horse?

(there are legitimate uses, but there's also the "you wouldn't go out naked, would you?" crowd. the horses themselves usually don't care. overuse of rugs is worse.)
posted by effbot at 2:37 AM on August 28, 2014


This makes me deeply uncomfortable.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 5:01 AM on August 28, 2014


This is much better than the image that the post raised. I was afraid it was about gangsta horses. With autoplay gangsta horse rap.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:58 AM on August 28, 2014


I once dressed my horse for a Halloween party as Odile, the Black Swan, with a black hood, black "bra" (as described upthread by fshgrl), a black sheet (lightweight cotton horse blanket), and a huge black net tutu. I attached a toy tiara to his bridle, laced black ribbon up to his knees, and put on black bell boots (they go around the hoofs), and toy wings on his back. He didn't bat a eye until I went at him with the tiara, but we worked it out. So yes, they will put up with almost anything.

My horse has a hood to keep him clean at shows, and a "bra" to keep his blankets from rubbing his shoulders and withers. They're very stretchy and comfortable.

To a horse, there are two kinds of things in the world: those that will kill you, and those that will not. The default is will kill you. However, if they trust you they are usually willing to let you try to convince them that a thing will not kill them.
posted by Dolley at 6:05 AM on August 28, 2014 [5 favorites]


I looked at this website and I was like "Okay, so someone is spamming mefi with their product website." As a person who owns horses, I get catalogs containing this sort of thing for sale. I am aware that they exist as a product class, just like glitter polish for horse hooves and horse vacuums (ProTip: use a shopvac. Cheaper, works the same.) and sheath cleaner. I don't buy this stuff any more than I buy ground up seahorses to make my horse's feet stronger (I am kidding about the ground-up seahorses. It's actually seaweed but the container has a seahorse on it.) but I know this stuff exists.

What I didn't expect was the non-equine part of the world's reaction to slinky and sleazy color patterns and stuff. These things are real products with a real purpose. You use them to keep your show horse clean and/or tidy. Hunter-horse braid jobs are time consuming and generally done either the night before or super-early on the morning of the show. They're not the sort of thing you can just do in five minutes. They are fiddly and must look tidy for showing, not all mussed up and frizzy, like they would be if your horse rubbed them against the side of his stall door and tore them out. So, the hoods protect the braiding and the cleanliness of your horse. The hoods *could* be just plain black lycra, but why not have them in fun prints? It's not that much more expensive to make hotrod flames or zebra stripes or spiderman costumes or whatever.
posted by which_chick at 6:15 AM on August 28, 2014 [1 favorite]


*tweeet*
Horse people! Out of the pool!
posted by petebest at 6:15 AM on August 28, 2014


Is there some kind of ebook about this?
posted by Foosnark at 6:15 AM on August 28, 2014


whom amongst us has not googled "sleazy horse costume"?
posted by ennui.bz at 6:19 AM on August 28, 2014


I am getting one of these for my horse!*





*Horse is not real
posted by Mister_A at 7:10 AM on August 28, 2014


Note: "sleazy" originally referred to a type of fabric. From the Online Etymological Dictionary:

1640s, "downy, fuzzy," later "flimsy, unsubstantial" (1660s), of unknown origin; one theory is that it is a corruption of Silesia, the German region, where thin linen or cotton fabric was made for export. Silesia in reference to cloth is attested in English from 1670s; and sleazy as an abbreviated form is attested from 1670), but OED is against this. Sense of "sordid" is from 1941.
posted by Cash4Lead at 7:25 AM on August 28, 2014 [2 favorites]


What a bunch of clotheshorses.
posted by The Whelk at 7:29 AM on August 28, 2014 [1 favorite]


A bit too on the nose, Whelk?
posted by Mister_A at 7:56 AM on August 28, 2014


I looked at this website and I was like "Okay, so someone is spamming mefi with their product website."

IT'S ME

IM THE HORSE
posted by Greg Nog at 8:30 AM on August 28, 2014 [1 favorite]


LOOK AT MY HORSE

MY HORSE IS AMAZING
posted by The Whelk at 8:40 AM on August 28, 2014 [1 favorite]


My horse drinks Crystal Pepsi
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:11 AM on August 28, 2014


I once dressed my horse for a Halloween party as Odile

I just don't understand why you would make a comment like this and then deny us the pleasure of viewing a photo.

this is intolerable cruelty
posted by elizardbits at 10:09 AM on August 28, 2014 [2 favorites]


I am getting one of these for my horse!

I have one of these. I'm getting a horse to put in it.
posted by Wolfdog at 10:13 AM on August 28, 2014


I watched A Man Called Horse, and although there were horses in the film, none was wearing any of the linked outfits. ¿Am I within my rights to request a full refund from the management of the cinema emporium?
posted by the sobsister at 10:30 AM on August 28, 2014


If I ever get a horse, I'm going to name it "Richard Harris."
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 11:15 AM on August 28, 2014


THIS IS FUN
posted by mississippi at 2:42 PM on August 28, 2014


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