...in English, when someone is crazy, it's always in a food way?

September 6, 2014 9:13 AM

Grub Street Diet asks various notable people to keep a food dairy for a week and then share it with the world. However, when they ask the "poet laureate of Twitter" (previously) author Patricia Lockwood to contribute, things so a little differently.
posted by The Whelk (23 comments total)

12 a.m.: Oh no, it's PMS. You know what this means: I have to eat an entire jar of capers one by one with a shrimp fork, at Midnight.


This is a joy. Thanks for posting.
posted by Itaxpica at 9:25 AM on September 6, 2014 [5 favorites]

"I consider myself to be Crunchpunk" reminded me that I'd impulse-bought a bag of bbq potato chips to go with my sandwich, and then forgotten about them. Now I'm crunching too. Thanks Patricia Lockwood and The Whelk!
posted by moonmilk at 9:28 AM on September 6, 2014

Hmm, this seems to be the Oops, All Salt! flavor. I withdraw my thanks.
posted by moonmilk at 9:29 AM on September 6, 2014

7 p.m.: All I eat for dinner is the internet. It tastes awful.

This is excellent.
posted by routergirl at 9:37 AM on September 6, 2014 [10 favorites]

I have a feeling "My mouth glistens with a galaxy of mayonnaise" will continue to be the best thing I have read lately for several months.
posted by univac at 9:51 AM on September 6, 2014 [5 favorites]

So hilarious, I'm looking forward to reading more of her work.
posted by Harpocrates at 9:53 AM on September 6, 2014

This is awesome, Whelk. People should check out the previouslies and her Twitter.
posted by univac at 9:57 AM on September 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

I eat Astronaut BM bars all the time! They're good for breakfast on the go.
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:10 AM on September 6, 2014

Metafilter tastes like triumph.

But be careful: like the best chocolate cake, too much of it will rot your teeth and make you sick.
posted by Fizz at 10:36 AM on September 6, 2014

"I wolf an enormous turkey sandwich while listening to Brain Salad Surgery and become one with the glittering cosmos. My mouth glistens with a galaxy of mayonnaise." I try not to have crushes on people I've never met, but god dammit.
posted by naju at 10:41 AM on September 6, 2014 [3 favorites]

Also, I'll be using this to explain my own ramen obsession: "Yes, I DO eat ramen every day, because I am a student of life."
posted by naju at 10:43 AM on September 6, 2014 [5 favorites]

"Is the yogurt having sex, in my mouth, as I eat it?"

I will never get this image out of my head, and it will probably make me eat more yogurt.
posted by hippybear at 11:15 AM on September 6, 2014

Loved this (god, she is so friggin' right about breakfast! Craisins too). Thanks.
posted by ifjuly at 11:34 AM on September 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

chicken

tendys
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 11:52 AM on September 6, 2014

She had me at Paul Bunyan's ass.

I want to quote my favorite part, but it's all my favorite part.

The Cheesecake Factory sounds horrifying. I imagine it is less baroque and more soul-crushing though. Chicken tendys.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:23 PM on September 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

She had me at Paul Bunyan's ass.

That would be Buddy, the green donkey. Babe's best friend.
posted by hippybear at 12:32 PM on September 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

This made me cry laughing. I woke up the baby. Thanks for nothing, Patricia Lockwood.
posted by town of cats at 12:33 PM on September 6, 2014 [2 favorites]

This is beyond brilliant. I am actually thinking of trying that eating what the characters in your book eat thing, but after I finish the WWII spy novels in which beans on toast is a treat with all the rationing.
posted by Hactar at 1:10 PM on September 6, 2014

Beans on toast is a treat, especially in these days of carbohydrate fear.

Patricia Lockwood's poetry is clever and I completely understand her feelings about coffee.
posted by betweenthebars at 2:42 PM on September 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

"Second, because why not call it what it is: Vagina Hallucinations in Byzantium. "
What did I never find this America?
posted by From Bklyn at 7:18 PM on September 6, 2014

She is almost indescribably funny. Indescribable, because I'm stupid and also it's like staring into the sun except the sun is made of really funny and intensely witty and somehow that makes you go a little blind but it's cool.
posted by basicchannel at 9:12 PM on September 6, 2014

"It tastes like going down on a My Little Pony."

I don't even know what a daiquiri ice is, but this line is genius.
posted by misha at 9:30 PM on September 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

to keep a food dairy for a week

Be sure it's refrigerated.
posted by ShutterBun at 2:25 PM on September 7, 2014 [1 favorite]