Comments on: Comments on 14278

Post number 14278

paulrockNJ — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 17:26:51 -0800

Butt Candles are an exciting, and time honored, device for internal cleansing. Their slogan? "Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack be at buttcandle.com".

And don't miss the FAQ section on how to avoid "folicular ignition".

By: paulrockNJ

paulrockNJ — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 17:28:33 -0800

sorry about that......
http://www.buttcandle.com/

By: bloggboy

bloggboy — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 17:30:59 -0800

Reminds me of ear candling--a pseudo-scientific process in which you burn a candle attached to a cone-shaped device stuck in an ear to create a low-level vacuum that sucks out all the impurities from your brain, your sinus, your eardrum, etc.. (total bullshit of course).

By: jonmc

jonmc — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 17:41:42 -0800

that was, um, enlightening. Well, I suppose it's better to light one candle than to curse the stanky anus.

By: mkelley

mkelley — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 17:49:40 -0800

My favorite part of the Procedure section: "Many people find it relaxing to take a warm shower upon completion."

By: hellinskira

hellinskira — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 17:57:03 -0800

Wouldn't it be cheaper to get someone to suck on your rusty sheriff's badge? *

By: phalkin

phalkin — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 18:11:40 -0800

Q: Is the ButtCandle approved by the FDA? A: No. What a surprise.

By: bloggboy

bloggboy — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 19:00:22 -0800

Phalkin: Duh. It doesn't work. Since (uh) fecal matter is so dense and there is so much of it, the pressure required to extract it would rupture the intestines. Absolutely *nothing* happens when you use the buttcandle. And no, I haven't used it personally. :-)

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 19:18:52 -0800

Define personally.

By: spilon

spilon — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 20:16:07 -0800

I bet you look kinda funny laying on your back with a candle sticking out of your ass... that free 'how to' video has GOT to be a crowd pleaser!

By: y2karl

y2karl — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 20:40:58 -0800

And don't miss the FAQ section on how to avoid "folicular ignition". This reminds me of a story a friend told me--back in the 70s, he was sitting in Cowan Park one sunny summer day, smoking a cigarette, reading a book when he felt the unmistakable affatal prodrome. Since he'd heard all these jokes all his life about lighting farts, he clicked on his Bic. And when the moment came: poof! A giant ball of blue flame scorched all the hair off his legs--he was wearing cut offs--and gave him 1st degree burns on the inside of his thighs. He then frog marched home sadder but wiser. Don't Not Try This At Home!

By: y2karl

y2karl — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 20:41:55 -0800

Er, either don't or do not.

By: tj

tj — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 21:22:01 -0800

How is "your friend" doing karl? dating anyone from Canada that we wouldn't know?

By: y2karl

y2karl — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 21:30:56 -0800

He were a Viet Nam vet. I are not. S'truth. But I did profit from his example.

By: diddlegnome

diddlegnome — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 21:33:44 -0800

Reminds me of ear candling ... (total bullshit of course) Actually, Dave Barry once tried that for one of his columns (perhaps a Holiday Gift Guide, I don't remember), and he said it extracted a large amount of disgusting goo. He also said it could become a new Christmas tradition, that of the family gathered around the warm glow of Dad's ear candle. He wrote it a lot funnier than that, of course.

By: bluishorange

bluishorange — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 22:27:39 -0800

i've heard that ear candling works pretty well, actually.

By: th3ph17

th3ph17 — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 22:45:56 -0800

if you take an ear candle, and follow all of the directions except for this: place the end into a bottle or jar or something, rather than your ear....it pulls 'ear wax' out of thin air, quite miraculous. Ear candles are bad. People get hurt by them. I have a massive hearing loss in one ear, and have spent many hours being lectured by ear doctors...Don't Stick Anything In Your Ear. the butt candle thing has got to be a joke. please baby jesus, tell me its a joke.

By: th3ph17

th3ph17 — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 22:49:45 -0800

err...didn't mean to imply that an ear candle hurt me, just meant to show experience with doctors and ears. My favorite doctor once stuck a needle thru my ear drum and then used a tiny vacum to clear out some fluid. I will never forget the sound of the needle scraping and punching through. Fun!

By: diddlegnome

diddlegnome — Tue, 29 Jan 2002 22:53:07 -0800

I will never forget the sound of the needle scraping and punching through. I have to go lie down in a dark room now. Thanks a lot. Gah.

By: bwg

bwg — Wed, 30 Jan 2002 02:47:34 -0800

good thing your doctor isn't nicknamed "icepick"...

By: vbfg

vbfg — Wed, 30 Jan 2002 05:59:41 -0800

If it all goes horribly wrong do you need an enema to douse the flames? If so, why not just miss out on the 'setting fire to your ring piece' stage and have an enema.

By: th3ph17

th3ph17 — Wed, 30 Jan 2002 06:27:28 -0800

you know that scene in So I Married an Axe Murderer? where she sticks her finger in his ear? Arrrg. Gets me every time.