Then he went back into the world

September 20, 2014 8:20 AM

TOP 10 STUPID QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH
posted by threeants (55 comments total)

Isn't this the place paying reviewers on yelp to give one star reviews?
posted by routergirl at 8:25 AM on September 20, 2014

Yes
posted by threeants at 8:25 AM on September 20, 2014

Is metafilter made with eggs?
posted by Fizz at 8:31 AM on September 20, 2014 [3 favorites]

No there are not eggs in our community weblog.
posted by threeants at 8:31 AM on September 20, 2014 [2 favorites]

are you sure, what if someone came in and added eggs when you weren't looking
posted by poffin boffin at 8:33 AM on September 20, 2014 [19 favorites]

How can you be so sure?
posted by Fizz at 8:33 AM on September 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

are you sure, what if someone came in and added eggs when you weren't looking

This only happens on twitter
posted by The Whelk at 8:34 AM on September 20, 2014 [11 favorites]

Q. How do you rate the costumer [sic] service at Botto?
A. Compared to American standards and general Californian public expectations, it is honestly quite poor.
Botto is a traditional Tuscan "trattoria", simple friendly service and authentic Italian comfort food. We are here to prepare great food, and we didn't move all the way from Italy to take crap from people in the name of 'customer service'.
posted by kenko at 8:34 AM on September 20, 2014 [34 favorites]

> are you sure, what if someone came in and added eggs when you weren't looking

Indeed, this happened.
posted by ardgedee at 8:45 AM on September 20, 2014 [3 favorites]

Botto Bistro agressively courts 1* reviews so it can be the most hated restuarant on yelp
posted by lalochezia at 8:48 AM on September 20, 2014 [6 favorites]

They're like the coffee place in Questionable Content!
posted by Omnomnom at 8:53 AM on September 20, 2014 [6 favorites]

Are there questions from other months?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:01 AM on September 20, 2014

I feel like if you sent them that question they would smartassily put it on next month's list.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:08 AM on September 20, 2014 [6 favorites]

The 1 star rating strategy is smart. Drown valid criticism in tons of obviously fake reviews.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:09 AM on September 20, 2014 [9 favorites]

Back when I was working as a beach lifeguard I had a middle-aged couple from the Midwest approach my tower, point to the pier jutting out in to the Atlantic ocean, and ask "Hey, where did that bridge used to go to?"
posted by saladin at 9:16 AM on September 20, 2014 [15 favorites]

Back when I was working as a beach lifeguard I had a middle-aged couple from the Midwest approach my tower, point to the pier jutting out in to the Atlantic ocean, and ask "Hey, where did that bridge used to go to?"

"LEMURIA

It was just off shore here"
posted by threeants at 9:22 AM on September 20, 2014 [4 favorites]

If you're digging the lolstupidcustomer vibe, the magnificent concierge tumblr How May We Hate You? just keeps on being awesome.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:32 AM on September 20, 2014 [22 favorites]

Subverting the monoculture of Yelp is as admirable a traditionalist goal as any.
posted by Apocryphon at 9:49 AM on September 20, 2014 [8 favorites]

several days ago, the los angeles times asked its readers in a headline "if the queen of england can birth an heir, why can't the dalai lama rebirth one?"
posted by bruce at 9:55 AM on September 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

I 💘 Small Businesses. Screw yelp and screw you too if you don't like it. Now get the hell out of my store.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:57 AM on September 20, 2014 [2 favorites]

"No matter where we are Italy or United States the village idiots
are always with us, some more aggressive than others,
some sweet, some they just need somebody to love."
posted by cristinacristinacristina at 10:18 AM on September 20, 2014 [2 favorites]

I wish I lived in California just so I could go to this place.
posted by freakazoid at 11:02 AM on September 20, 2014

*Customer walks in to restaurant where I work, where the door is closed and the front door has a 'Closed' sign on it. All the chairs are stacked on the tables upside down, three waiters are having a meeting in the corner.*

"Are you guys open?"

Repeat every day for 18 months, often up to seven hundred times a day.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 11:07 AM on September 20, 2014 [4 favorites]

It can be a traumatic experience for someone to find out that at Botto "no" IS an answer, and that we don't always care about their opinion.

As I went in to grab coffee the other day, I chatted with the barista about how it wasn't so bad during the week. Evidently during the weekend, people come in "Who don't like to drink coffee" and so they order nothing but substitutions and special orders. Like a drink with 1/3 decaf or a bunch of different syrups.

One of the coffee shops here doesn't offer sugar, I think that would cause some people's heads to explode.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 11:36 AM on September 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

Also stupid is putting black type against a dark brown background.

Like at the bottom of their web page.
posted by IndigoJones at 11:40 AM on September 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

There are a lot of terrible restaurant websites, but for me nothing tops Chicken In The Rough's masterpiece of bad design, ALL CAPS, trademarks, trademarks and more trademarks, and unreadable copy.

Note: Chicken In The Rough is delicious, and you should all go if you're anywhere near Port Huron, Michigan.
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:56 AM on September 20, 2014

*Customer walks in to restaurant where I work, where the door is closed and the front door has a 'Closed' sign on it. All the chairs are stacked on the tables upside down, three waiters are having a meeting in the corner.*

"Are you guys open?"

Repeat every day for 18 months, often up to seven hundred times a day.

Weird. Here where I live, closed restaurants often lock their doors.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:01 PM on September 20, 2014 [7 favorites]

I love their gentle sarcasm.
posted by Nevin at 12:13 PM on September 20, 2014

Supposedly Yelp yelled at them for asking for one star reviews because that is against Yelp's rules, which the owner never agreed to.
posted by kat518 at 12:23 PM on September 20, 2014 [9 favorites]

Q. What if I didn't like Botto so much the first time? Should I try again?
A. First impressions are the most important and if you didn't love it at first bite you are not going to like it later. Sorry, it's not for you. Tell your friends also!

I like this place.
posted by Itaxpica at 2:24 PM on September 20, 2014 [2 favorites]

this attitude reminds me of san francisco 1977-1982 when i lived there. we had a man named edsel ford fong at sam wo's in chinatown who became famous as the "world's rudest waiter". we had a martini nazi on haight street who ran the persian aub zam zam room with a hairtrigger "i think you should find another bar to drink in, right now!" then there was the little czech place out on point reyes, where i dropped in one evening, ordered dinner and a margarita...

"i'm sorry sir, but this is a proper czech bar, and we only serve real drinks. you're gonna have to order a real drink."

"is a gin and tonic a real drink?"
posted by bruce at 2:46 PM on September 20, 2014 [2 favorites]

I love the image I have now of the ravioli being dough wrapped around an entire big dead sea bug. Maybe the legs sticking out.
posted by happyroach at 3:53 PM on September 20, 2014 [6 favorites]

If you're digging the lolstupidcustomer vibe, the magnificent concierge tumblr How May We Hate You? just keeps on being awesome.

Reading some of these, I now firmly believe that Douglas Adams' brain is in a jar, attached to Tumblr.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 4:19 PM on September 20, 2014 [2 favorites]

I still remember some of the weirder things we got asked over the phone when I worked at Domino's in high school. One person wanted "stuffed bread." Another requested "buffalo balls." A third wanted chow mien, apparently missing the point entirely of how restaurants define themselves. And lest you get the wrong impression, these were all adults.
posted by DoctorFedora at 4:30 PM on September 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

"How big is the lobster?"
posted by mistersquid at 4:35 PM on September 20, 2014 [2 favorites]

I want to go here but I'm also kind of afraid. I super can't deal with attitude, at all. I also don't give out attitude so I think I'll be safe?
posted by bleep at 4:59 PM on September 20, 2014

You know how dumb the average person is? Well, half of them are even more stupid.
posted by MartinWisse at 5:03 PM on September 20, 2014 [4 favorites]

The style also puts me in mind of http://www.actsofgord.com/
posted by hearthpig at 6:13 PM on September 20, 2014 [2 favorites]

The door is open because people who aren't customers need to enter the building. We do the same thing, put chairs up, keep the door closed, have the closed sign up, but the door is unlocked for the vegie guy, or staff to come in. Every now and then, some confused looking person will come into our completely dark cafe, and ask, "Are you open?"

The flipside of this is when we are open, and the door is open, lights on, chairs down, smiling staff behind counter, open sign displayed, music playing and another confused looking person comes in and asks, "Are you open?"
posted by thylacinthine at 6:19 PM on September 20, 2014 [4 favorites]

You know how dumb the average person is? Well, half of them are even more stupid.

That's the median person, not the average.
posted by El Mariachi at 7:26 PM on September 20, 2014 [9 favorites]

Is this like the spider-eating thing? Where we posit 7 billion idiots and 1 super-intelligent mega-genius?
posted by um at 8:11 PM on September 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

Plainly I am not the 1.
posted by um at 8:12 PM on September 20, 2014

Thanks to a stupid question asked of a caffeine deprived Brit several years ago, one San Diego couple was left thinking that there's a four hour ferry ride between England and Scotland. I'm sorry, they were super chipper and nice and I was an ass.
posted by arcticseal at 9:19 PM on September 20, 2014 [2 favorites]

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

― Albert Einstein
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 9:27 PM on September 20, 2014

The flipside of this is when we are open, and the door is open, lights on, chairs down, smiling staff behind counter, open sign displayed, music playing and another confused looking person comes in and asks, "Are you open?"

Made more fun when there are other customers eating in view.
posted by Night_owl at 11:11 PM on September 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

I guess this is a good time to point to http://notalwaysright.com/
posted by DreamerFi at 6:18 AM on September 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Love it. The Hall of Shame was pretty funny too. If I ever get to visit the place I'll be sure to complain that the pasta wasn't eggy enough.
posted by Decani at 11:13 AM on September 21, 2014

Ok, when's the Mefi meetup at this place?
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:15 AM on September 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Thought about this a bit. I think what bothers me is that they're making such an obvious "authentic rustic italian mocks your American stupidities" shtik out of it. They say they want to be known for their food, but their actions are those of a people who want to be known for levelling quaint blustery insults at customers. Come and be mocked! It's original!
It's like these British boarding school themed restaurants where they spank you, or something. Underneath, it's a.marketing scheme based on calculated rudeness. But yeah, I'm not the target audience (I'm European and I come for the food) and it certainly seems to work for them, so whatever. Just my opinion.
posted by Omnomnom at 12:59 PM on September 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Back when I was working as a beach lifeguard I had a middle-aged couple from the Midwest approach my tower, point to the pier jutting out in to the Atlantic ocean, and ask "Hey, where did that bridge used to go to?"

"What are you talking.....OH MY GOD THE BRIDGE IS GONE!!!!!"
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 1:23 PM on September 21, 2014 [5 favorites]

There are no stupid askmes.
posted by clvrmnky at 2:59 PM on September 21, 2014

Why this tiny Italian restaurant gives a discount for bad Yelp reviews
"We do amazing food, if you don't like it you don't have to come here."
posted by XMLicious at 7:15 AM on September 22, 2014

Q. Why did that quaint place with the quality food and the charmingly-brusque staff get shut down and turned into a TGI Fridays?
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 11:43 AM on September 22, 2014

Man, when I worked at a Tex-Mex joint in Michigan, I can't even count the number of times that I got asked if we had a Taco Bell Grande. I have to say, being rude to a customer and knowing there's no possible come-uppance ("Why, I'm the manager. I have promoted myself. If you'd like to speak to the owner, I can pretend to be him too") is one of life's pure joys, like lying to children.
posted by klangklangston at 3:44 PM on September 22, 2014

An old boss of mine used to own an restaurant in north GA that served (as the clientele called it) "eye-tal-eean" food, and she had all sorts of great stories about the complaints her customers would give, mostly relating to their unfamiliarity food fancier than what you find at Chick-fil-a or the Picadilly....my favorite was from a gentleman who, upon receiving his plate of mixed greens, loudly complained "waiter! there's'a leaf in mah salad!!"
posted by Thomas Tallis is my Homeboy at 8:25 PM on September 22, 2014 [2 favorites]