In Another Thousand Years the Dogs Will Actually Speak
September 30, 2014 2:30 PM   Subscribe

 
This video made me melt a little when it was making the social media rounds a few days ago, but the version I saw didn't have this awful "solution" to Vertical Video Syndrome. So distracting... Here's the original.
posted by mykescipark at 2:35 PM on September 30, 2014 [7 favorites]


Aww, poor Bella! I like her technique of turning her head away from Mom when Mom was speaking to her. "Me? I'm lookin' over there!" No hear you!"
posted by xingcat at 2:41 PM on September 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


My dog does this when I want her to get in any water. Rescue-dog fears can be the strangest things. I am trying to get her to like water, so a small wading pool for the back yard is in the near future.
posted by cmyk at 2:42 PM on September 30, 2014 [2 favorites]


"Okay, bye dog..."

This would be cute for about two refusals. Especially with a big dog. Past that its dog-empowerment: fuck your "time to go," all you are doing is making meat sounds without consequence.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 2:53 PM on September 30, 2014 [3 favorites]


"I think she's saying, 'I love Lasagna!' "
posted by Auden at 2:53 PM on September 30, 2014


HOOOWWWWWWRRRRRR*GLURBLE*
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:57 PM on September 30, 2014 [2 favorites]


Really bad dog training here! Hasn't this owner ever heard of rewarding a good recall with dynamite treats or toys?

But I had to laugh at Bella's vocalizations. My dog protests to me like this when I leave him in the car. (He adds outraged little barks.)
posted by bearwife at 2:59 PM on September 30, 2014 [5 favorites]


dynamite treats

Here Bella!

::BOOM::
posted by Splunge at 3:03 PM on September 30, 2014 [13 favorites]


Not what I meant but a totally funny take off on it, Splunge!
posted by bearwife at 3:22 PM on September 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


dynamite treats

"Wayylp, I reckoned it worked fer gettin fish outta the water and this here's a water dog..."
posted by Turkey Glue at 4:10 PM on September 30, 2014 [3 favorites]


Never mind the spoiled dog. Friends don't let friends record videos in portrait mode.
posted by surazal at 4:20 PM on September 30, 2014 [13 favorites]


Really bad dog training here! Hasn't this owner ever heard of rewarding a good recall with dynamite treats or toys?

We are training a Giant Schnauzer puppy right now. You better believe that "Come" gets rewarded with insanely good stuff-- I'm talking hot dogs, beef ribs, freeze dried salmon. Because as our trainer keeps telling us "You always want her to wonder what amazing thing would she miss out on if she did not come?" My girl Looooooves "Come," and we take care never to use it for anything unpleasant like baths or nail clipping.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:22 PM on September 30, 2014 [3 favorites]


I love the difference in pet experience here; Dog, being told to come away from something she likes; "Noooo, just, like, a few more minutes! Maybe I can pull the water with me!! Noooo!"

Whereas this same conversation with a cat would be "Yeah? Come and get me. Fucker."
posted by quin at 4:26 PM on September 30, 2014 [6 favorites]


Friends don't let friends record videos in portrait mode.

Wrong!

Previously
posted by Turkey Glue at 4:31 PM on September 30, 2014 [13 favorites]


Oh my god, Turkey Glue, that's killing me.

SEE ALSO
posted by brundlefly at 4:36 PM on September 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I tried that with my dog too (trainer actually told us to use the "tug" game and we tried that too). So now she just checks to see if I have treats despite the fact that we always hid the treats while training.

"Bailey, come!"

"Do you have treats?"

"Maybe, you'll have to come find out."

"Sorry, I'm busy with...dog stuff."
posted by VTX at 4:37 PM on September 30, 2014 [3 favorites]


we take care never to use it for anything unpleasant like baths or nail clipping.

This is so, so important. You want the dog to always want to come when you call her to come, because when you really, really need them to come to you it may be the only way to save their life.

Bella's conversation is adorable, though, as is her weird tantrum biting the water business. She is angry! The water must pay!
posted by winna at 4:40 PM on September 30, 2014 [3 favorites]


Between this post and this, someone needs to create the dog-water-trifecta.
posted by jefflowrey at 4:49 PM on September 30, 2014


Just a guess based on her movements but I wonder if she lost a tennis ball or something under the water.
posted by mannequito at 4:51 PM on September 30, 2014


Don't tennis balls float?
posted by Splunge at 4:57 PM on September 30, 2014


I get the feeling like Bella was getting mixed signals from the giggling and the repeated repeated repeated commands. Like at some point for her it switches to "You're doing the thing you do when you're happy so I suppose you like this for some reason, and given that I like it too, I'm going to keep doing it"
posted by bleep at 5:02 PM on September 30, 2014 [2 favorites]


Splunge: "Don't tennis balls float?"

until they get a hole in the them, then they sink and the dog paddles around hopelessly crying - at least mine does.
posted by mannequito at 5:29 PM on September 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


jefflowrey: I think this is the YouTube video you're looking for in your quest. Only you can complete the trifecta!
posted by komara at 5:42 PM on September 30, 2014 [16 favorites]


jefflowrey: I think this is the YouTube video you're looking for yt in your quest. Only you can complete the trifecta!
posted by komara

"Here we see the magnificent Hose Wolf, displaying a truly... remarkably adaptive... behavior." /attenborough
posted by deludingmyself at 6:28 PM on September 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


Sorry to ruin the cute video, but this dog is not throwing a fit because it's time to go. There's something, likely a toy, under the muddy water. Go to a dog park like Seattle's Magnuson and you'll see.
posted by king walnut at 6:28 PM on September 30, 2014


Also: my dogs totally had things to say about the OP's video.
posted by deludingmyself at 6:29 PM on September 30, 2014




jefflowrey: I think this is the YouTube video you're looking for yt in your quest. Only you can complete the trifecta!

This is me most every day!

One of my shepherds has so much energy so one of the ways I give him exercise is with a hose. Just hold it up in the air and move it slowly from side to side and he goes to town, jumping up and down and back and forth. I always end up in hysterics because he won't stop until he's choking and horking. Even then he pauses just long enough and he's at it again. The other shepherd hangs out where the water arcs to the ground and lazily runs back and forth snapping at it.

I should try to take a video.
posted by Jalliah at 6:43 PM on September 30, 2014


Oh, komara. That is indeed the perfect trifecta! Dogs, Water, Laughter!

It is a shame that someone has not made it into an FPP post, to start a Tuesday Night Trifecta.

Alas, I do not make FPPs, as I am mostly just a lurker here. (albeit perhaps for quite a while...)
posted by jefflowrey at 6:53 PM on September 30, 2014


I've seen dogs do the bitey thing with snow when they're playing, too. There might be a toy, but it might just be that Bella is weird.
posted by winna at 7:04 PM on September 30, 2014


This seems about the same as trying to get my toddler to quit playing.
posted by Bovine Love at 7:14 PM on September 30, 2014


Bella looks to be about two or three. That is a teenager dog. That is a dog who's response is basically, I HATE YOU! YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:25 PM on September 30, 2014 [4 favorites]


My Jenny the GSD is 2.5 and sooooo this way with water. But, like sio42 says, she knows when there's room to negotiate, funnily enough.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 8:49 PM on September 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


Vertical Video Syndrome: A PSA
posted by jcruelty at 9:03 PM on September 30, 2014 [5 favorites]


I grew up with an extremely well-trained GSD. Despite her obedience, water would make her go apesh*t. No matter what we did. We had a pool and spent a lot of time attempting to mitigate this through training.
Nothing.
She was a swimming maniac, especially if kids were in the pool.
Around year 4 we just sort of accepted that and let her swim with us 15 minutes a day. This helped a little, except with the filter.
She sounded EXACTLY like this.
We called her Wookie Dog.
posted by aloiv2 at 10:19 PM on September 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


I'm pretty confident that Bella is actually wanting to retrieve the stone they threw in the water for her about 5 seconds into the video, immediately before asking her to get out of the water. My dog isn't so verbal, but otherwise does the same thing. (Though my dog is generally able to dive to get the stone).
posted by pkingdesign at 11:07 PM on September 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


This was exactly how I behaved when it was time to leave the hotel pool and go check out at the end of my recent vacation.
posted by BigLankyBastard at 3:07 AM on October 1, 2014


Now see I'm thinking there's a body in that water and puppy is trying to tell her owners that, like Lassie.

But I have a dark mind.

Also that dog needs to be on a leash until it's trained, owner. A German shepherd who won't come on first call is a weapon.
posted by spitbull at 5:12 AM on October 1, 2014 [1 favorite]


In Another Thousand Years the Dogs Will Actually Speak

That would be City.
posted by neuron at 7:02 AM on October 1, 2014 [2 favorites]


I don't think they're calling her. I think they're trying to get her to talk. I mean, unless "It's time to go" is the command they've decided to use instead of "Come."
posted by restless_nomad at 9:09 AM on October 1, 2014 [1 favorite]


Would it kill you to let that dog stay in the water another 5 minutes?
posted by onlyconnect at 10:03 AM on October 1, 2014


May be of interest to posters here that animal behaviorist and author of Perfect Puppy in 7 Days, which I loved, Sophia Yin, committed suicide this week. Very sad news in the dog lover community.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:15 AM on October 1, 2014


I missed the hose one Turkey Glue reposted up above the first time around, and am very glad I caught it this time. That is indeed the perfect use of portrait mode in video, and the only thing that could have made it better if the dog had circled around behind her once and flew through the frame going the same direction. Surprise!
posted by Curious Artificer at 12:56 PM on October 1, 2014 [1 favorite]


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