"It tastes like soap. Why am I eating soap right now?"

October 10, 2014 6:20 PM

The New York Times Magazine treated a group of second graders to a seven-course meal at a pricey NYC restaurant. Culinarity ensued. [video, via]
posted by fuse theorem (70 comments total)

The best toast. "To vampires!"
posted by Sternmeyer at 6:34 PM on October 10, 2014 [10 favorites]

Holy crap that was adorable!

(I've never met Daniel Boulud, but the stories I've heard second-hand are all in keeping with how awesome he appears here.)
posted by Navelgazer at 6:36 PM on October 10, 2014 [2 favorites]

See also.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:42 PM on October 10, 2014 [1 favorite]

"It tastes like soap. Why am I eating soap right now?"

Why 10% of the Population Hates Cilantro and the Rest Doesn't Know Any Better
posted by the man of twists and turns at 6:43 PM on October 10, 2014 [12 favorites]

I hate Cilantro, but think it tastes like Kerosene...
posted by Windopaene at 6:52 PM on October 10, 2014

"Well, next time we'll do macaroni and cheese." Aww!
posted by gemutlichkeit at 6:55 PM on October 10, 2014 [1 favorite]

I hate Cilantor

ALL HAIL THE DREAD CILANTOR
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:56 PM on October 10, 2014 [37 favorites]

Thank you edit feature. Does sound like a Saturday morning cartoon villain though...
posted by Windopaene at 6:57 PM on October 10, 2014 [1 favorite]

His magic wand renders delicious food unpalatable. Somehow this will take over the world.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:00 PM on October 10, 2014 [2 favorites]

REVENGE OF CILANTOR: THE ENSOAPENING
posted by poffin boffin at 7:01 PM on October 10, 2014 [21 favorites]

Is it alright if I picture him battling the Swedish Chef?
posted by Navelgazer at 7:07 PM on October 10, 2014 [4 favorites]

That was totally delightful -- not just the idea but the entire construction of the film, too.
posted by shivohum at 7:14 PM on October 10, 2014

Do not fear Cilantor. He is the one that reveals the true flavors of things. What is that which you have always tasted in your dreams, only to wake with only the memory of having tasted something, but not what was tasted? Cilantor will show you! Surrender yourself to Cilantor! Only through submission to Cilantor can you understand true flavor. Only when Cilantor is revealed to you can you discover the flavors that exist behind the tongue, the tastes that occur beyond tasting! It is said that there are five flavors: the sweetness of joy, the saltiness of difficult labor achieved, the sour of struggle, the bitterness of loss and failure, and the umami of pain relieved. Yet Cilantor exists outside of these! For how can flavor exist without not flavor? Only by understanding not flavor can one truly know flavor! This understanding is Cilantor's gift! Will you refuse the gift of Cilantor?


CILANTOR MXTCA I'CTLAN FY'ANN! CILANTOR MXTCA I'CTLAN FY'ANN! CILANTOR MXTCA I'CTLAN FY'ANN!


HYAAAAAAA!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:21 PM on October 10, 2014 [26 favorites]

Talk to your doctor to see if Cilantor is right for you.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 7:25 PM on October 10, 2014 [44 favorites]

That was great, thanks for posting.
I love it that they were willing to try, and I love it that he wanted to challange them, but also made sure that they had something they loved.
I think he enjoyed himself as much as they did.
posted by SLC Mom at 7:35 PM on October 10, 2014 [2 favorites]

Talk to a witch-doctor if Cilantor lasts for longer than four hours.
posted by Navelgazer at 7:36 PM on October 10, 2014 [2 favorites]

I thought the part at the end where Daniel was like "The pasta was great, right?" And they were all like "Mmm.....ehhh...." in unison was pretty hilarious.
posted by shivohum at 7:41 PM on October 10, 2014 [7 favorites]

The one kid liked the pasta!
posted by Navelgazer at 7:42 PM on October 10, 2014

I felt sorry for the boy with short blond hair who didn't seem to like anything. I'm glad that in the end he thought whatever those lemon things were were awesome.
posted by geegollygosh at 7:47 PM on October 10, 2014 [1 favorite]

Does this have any Cilantor? I'm practicing a Cilantor-free diet.
posted by fireoyster at 7:47 PM on October 10, 2014 [1 favorite]

"At one point, after tasting a custom-made nonalcoholic cocktail, 7-year-old Chester Parish said: “This is, like, the only good course. It’s yummy.”

Chester is going to be amazing to hang out with in about 13 years.

Well, either amazing or an alcoholic.
posted by Fizz at 7:49 PM on October 10, 2014 [3 favorites]

Look, Cilantor is great and all, but he's got nothing on the mother goddess Papelo.
posted by jefflowrey at 7:51 PM on October 10, 2014

Do not fear Cilantor. He is the one that reveals the true flavors of things. What is that which you have always tasted in your dreams, only to wake with only the memory of having tasted something, but not what was tasted? Cilantor will show you! Surrender yourself to Cilantor! Only through submission to Cilantor can you understand true flavor. Only when Cilantor is revealed to you can you discover the flavors that exist behind the tongue, the tastes that occur beyond tasting!

"It tastes like soap. Why am I eating soap right now?"

Why 10% of the Population Hates Cilantro and the Rest Doesn't Know Any Better

You know, Cilantor the Flavor Revelator and Soapy Cilantro are kind of like twins separated at birth, because how better to reveal flavor than by soapily emulsifying flavor molecules and spreading them over the tongue?

Just some people are born with the unfortunate ability to taste the carrier, like those poor souls who can see the flicker of movies or fluorescent tubes and are driven crazy by them.
posted by jamjam at 7:52 PM on October 10, 2014 [3 favorites]

Similar to this - the Fein Brothers, who do the Kids/Teens/Elders React videos on Youtube, have a new series they call "Kids Vs. Food", where they spring funky foodstuffs on kids for their taste-testing and reactions. There are only three videos so far -

Cow Tongue.

Vegemite.

Caviar.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:57 PM on October 10, 2014 [2 favorites]

I'm getting a little tired of this "kids eating adult food" trope.

What we really need is some upper middle class adults being forced to eat cheese pizza and chicken nuggets, then have their frowny photos on display in NY Post or something.
posted by oceanjesse at 8:05 PM on October 10, 2014 [38 favorites]

"To justice and all!" I love that they all joined in as if saying it before drinking was the most normal thing in the world. I know it's my new toast.

Also, madeleines are one of my favorite sweet things ever and those looked amazing. Here's the recipe.
posted by Room 641-A at 8:10 PM on October 10, 2014 [5 favorites]

Am I the only American kid who ever tried Vegemite and kinda liked it?
posted by Navelgazer at 8:11 PM on October 10, 2014 [1 favorite]

That was so charming!

I loved the one kid saying "THIS" (points at fork) "is AWESOME!".

Also mmm....madeleines....
posted by biscotti at 8:21 PM on October 10, 2014

I'm getting a little tired of this "kids eating adult food" trope.

I KNOW, RIGHT?
posted by Zerowensboring at 8:22 PM on October 10, 2014

Why 10% of the Population Hates Cilantro and the Rest Doesn't Know Any Better

Ok, but if you also hate Vietnamese cilantro, which I believe is an entirely different plant family that just happens to taste very similar, it could be that you just don't like the flavor.
posted by small_ruminant at 8:26 PM on October 10, 2014

What we really need is some upper middle class adults being forced to eat cheese pizza and chicken nuggets

this is called real life and it is not really newsworthy
posted by poffin boffin at 8:27 PM on October 10, 2014 [12 favorites]

oh but also there should be those smiley face frozen potato disc things because they are delightful
posted by poffin boffin at 8:28 PM on October 10, 2014 [3 favorites]

I'm going to use "To justice and all" at family Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. No more mundane toasts for me.
posted by Jalliah at 8:32 PM on October 10, 2014 [5 favorites]

Hell, go all the way and toast To Vampires as well!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:43 PM on October 10, 2014 [5 favorites]

Considering the stuff I loved as a kid included Vienna Sausages, grape drink, Twinkies, and Chef Boy-Ar-Dee, yeah, I don't want to revisit that and you don't want to see the faces I'd make if I did. Adults gagging and looking worried/ill just isn't cute.
posted by emjaybee at 8:46 PM on October 10, 2014

This was adorable. The kids were remarkably well behaved too.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 9:04 PM on October 10, 2014

Alright, 'To Vampires" as well. I'm already laughing at the reaction it's going to get.
posted by Jalliah at 9:35 PM on October 10, 2014

i hope that all the kids ate everything Chester left on his plate!!
posted by ghostbikes at 9:51 PM on October 10, 2014 [1 favorite]

It looked like they liked snapper and steak the best. Right on, second graders.
posted by Hoopo at 10:09 PM on October 10, 2014 [2 favorites]

To me cilantro does taste like soap...If soap were also delicious.
posted by MillMan at 10:15 PM on October 10, 2014 [1 favorite]

TO VAMPIRES!
posted by DriftingLotus at 10:33 PM on October 10, 2014

I am probably the one person who is relatively neutral on cilantro. I genuinely think it tastes like soap, but I can usually manage to consume it on food if I have to to be polite. Don't think it's yummy, but I can stand to eat a bit of it. (Except for the one time I accidentally ate some kind of cilantro salad at a potluck, in which case it genuinely felt like I'd eaten an entire bite of a bar of soap except in leaf form.)

On the other hand, hoo boy, do I hate coffee. It smells burned and tastes like it smells. I wish I got the utter goodness of it, but I object to coffee far more than cilantro.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:39 PM on October 10, 2014 [1 favorite]

coffee is the foul urine of satan and it is banned from my house forever
posted by poffin boffin at 11:08 PM on October 10, 2014 [3 favorites]

this thread is surprisingly snark free compared to the previous one

i liked this post
posted by raihan_ at 12:40 AM on October 11, 2014 [1 favorite]

oh but also there should be those smiley face frozen potato disc things because they are delightful

Oh god THAT'S what the ello logo reminds me of!
posted by you must supply a verb at 1:58 AM on October 11, 2014 [5 favorites]

Peope keep comparing cilantro with soap. But how do you guys all know what soap tastes like?!
(What does soap taste like? Genuine question, I'm about 30 years too old to just stick a bar in my mouth.)
posted by Omnomnom at 2:07 AM on October 11, 2014

I like cilantro. It doesn't at all taste like being punished for having a foul mouth when I was a kid.
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:14 AM on October 11, 2014

What we really need is some upper middle class adults being forced to eat cheese pizza and chicken nuggets

I think upper middle class adults already have it good enough
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 2:58 AM on October 11, 2014 [3 favorites]

Am I the only American kid who ever tried Vegemite and kinda liked it?

No.

Vegemite and other yeast paste foodstuffs are an acquired taste, and in typical American style are usually applied in much greater quantities than in places that actually eat the stuff on a regular basis.

One of my host families when I was an exchange student in Germany had ties to South Africa, and they regularly had, um.. I don't think it was called Vegemite, but it was [something]mite, and it was a close relative.

They instructed me on how exactly to use it, which was as a very thin smear on bread. Like, super thin.

I hated the first sandwich I had. I sort of didn't hate the second one. By the fourth or fifth sandwich, I was really liking the stuff.

But then, your first coffee or first beer isn't that pleasant either.

Vegemite is an acquired taste, and isn't a bad one. It's a very specific mouth sensation (not just a flavor, but also a lot of other things in your mouth being affected by it). And (not googling just right now) it's supposed to be good for you.

I think I will have to hit Cost Plus and pick up a jar. It's been many years, which is far too long.
posted by hippybear at 3:05 AM on October 11, 2014 [2 favorites]

I was hoping this trend of taking unsuitable eaters to fancy restaurant continued, until I really there is nothing NOTHING a newspaper could inflict on a restaurant that some rich wacko hasn't already done (you would like us to serve your pet seal? Yes sir)
posted by litleozy at 4:04 AM on October 11, 2014 [1 favorite]

A whole table of 2nd graders without a peanut allergy, gluten intolerance or other dietary restriction?
posted by klarck at 5:31 AM on October 11, 2014 [9 favorites]

Hippybear is correct — a thin smear of Vegemite/Promite/Marmite on buttered toast is quite agreeable, but a bit like your first beer. It scratches an itch that nothing else seems to, once you've gotten the habit, although miso comes close. If you lather it on like peanut butter it's inedible.
posted by Wolof at 5:43 AM on October 11, 2014 [1 favorite]

My favorite part was the beginning, when half of the kids got stuck outside the revolving door.

I'm getting a little tired of this "kids eating adult food" trope.

Yeah. I did like a few of the four-year-old restaurant critics at the Bold Italic, but after a while, the idea does get a bit old.
posted by three_red_balloons at 7:21 AM on October 11, 2014

The real trick with Marmite (Vegemite is the true urine of Satan, not coffee) is to a) smear it very thinly on b) thinly-sliced, buttered white toast and c) pop it under the broiler for a bit until it turns into salty delicious burn yourself sticky lava awesomeness.

I have spoken.
posted by biscotti at 7:23 AM on October 11, 2014 [7 favorites]

Now let's show the kids modern art!
posted by Obscure Reference at 7:32 AM on October 11, 2014 [2 favorites]

I'm reminded of John Berger's brilliant bit in the TV version of "Ways of Seeing " where he had a bunch of little kids comment on a Rembrandt painting and they prove much more insightful and aware of the ideological message of the work than a group of formalist professional art critics.
posted by spitbull at 8:06 AM on October 11, 2014 [3 favorites]

oh but also there should be those smiley face frozen potato disc things because they are delightful

it's like eating a plate filled with the shrieking rictus of the damned

And yeah, *mite is made to be eaten in a layer approximately one molecule thick on hot buttered toast. I grew up with Marmite and Vegemite in the house, and I honestly don't think I ever saw a parent buy a second jar. After the apocalypse, the planet will be inhabited by cockroaches eating Marmite on Twinkies.

Also a useful addition, judiciously applied, to stews and tomato sauces and chilis and such.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:09 AM on October 11, 2014 [2 favorites]

Vegemite (etc) is awesome.

Also, cilantro? I found what I hopes was what we in the civilised world call coriander today, growing wild in my garden, and I was happy until I smelt it and missed its blessed aroma. It was some weed.

Coriander is awesome.
Totally.
posted by Mezentian at 9:02 AM on October 11, 2014

Had the native initiation to Vegimite as well. Was great. Passed the technique on to my dad, he loved it too. They should really print a waning on the label not to eat it by the spoonful.
posted by archagon at 10:08 AM on October 11, 2014

(With that said, it's hilarious to see those kids' hopes dashed in that video. "Cookies?!" Sure, kid...)
posted by archagon at 10:11 AM on October 11, 2014

Omnomnom: (What does soap taste like? Genuine question, I'm about 30 years too old to just stick a bar in my mouth.)

So for the 90% of us who have an adenine on rs72921001 instead of cytosine, soap tastes just like cilantro!

/devil
posted by mistersquid at 3:25 PM on October 11, 2014

I always thought Cilantro tastes like a Band-Aid.
posted by kinnakeet at 5:09 PM on October 11, 2014

To me (one of the ten percenters) cilantro tastes like bargain lemon scented dish soap smells. Which is to say, pretty awful. There is something piercing about the awfulness that I can't describe.
I literally would rather smell sewage than that.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 8:12 PM on October 11, 2014 [1 favorite]

Now let's show the kids modern art!


Showing kids modern art actually IS pretty great. They don't have any preconceived notions of what they should and should not be seeing or of any meanings they should be somehow extracting, so their responses are visceral and honest. They ask very pointed questions that are fun to answer, and they cut right through the bullshit - they will tell you that the emperor is naked.

More precisely, "butt naked."
posted by louche mustachio at 8:45 PM on October 11, 2014

I always thought Cilantro tastes like a Band-Aid.

I have so many questions
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:48 PM on October 11, 2014 [5 favorites]

It would probably be interesting to see kids' reactions to other things that are more traditionally adult pursuits, like mortgage negotiations, international politics or hardcore pornography.
posted by Grangousier at 6:40 AM on October 12, 2014

So at I made the toast at family Thanksgiving dinner tonight. Broke most people up and was told it was one of the best toasts they've heard, especially since I stood up and made it theatrical. Then at the kids table at least we had a long conversation about vampires and farts. Not sure how farts got connected with vampires but it was all good. (Our family 'kids' table consists of the cousins of my generation and actual kid kids. It's the most fun table to be at.)
posted by Jalliah at 7:50 PM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]

beware of the fart vampires
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:23 AM on October 13, 2014

Cilantor goes well with vodak.
posted by Ratio at 11:19 AM on October 13, 2014

I always thought Cilantro tastes like a Band-Aid.

I wonder whether that could be its flavor-intensifying effect applied to the the mango it's often paired with; mango contains trace amounts of oily urushiol (as do pistachios and cashews), which is the active principle of poison ivy and poison sumac -- and urushiol has structural similarities to benzalkonium chloride, which used to be the antiseptic of choice for Band-Aids
posted by jamjam at 1:51 PM on October 13, 2014 [2 favorites]