Zomething different
October 12, 2014 9:49 AM   Subscribe

There are a million ways to slight a rival's manhood, but to suggest that he enjoys Zima is one of the worst. Zima was the precursor to Smirnoff Ice, Bacardi Breeze, Mike's Hard Lemonade and the entire genre of alcopops. And now, you too can make Zima, even though it's gone now.
posted by Stewriffic (98 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
 
Bartles & Jaymes 4 Life
posted by gwint at 9:56 AM on October 12, 2014 [4 favorites]


Mad Dog 20/20 finds your addition of carbonation amusing.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:00 AM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]




I don't mind alcopops. They're tasty, alcohol packed and you can pour them in a Big Gulp cup and drink them on the subway with nobody the wiser.
posted by jonmc at 10:07 AM on October 12, 2014 [11 favorites]


Zima Blue
posted by pipeski at 10:08 AM on October 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


I haven't had a Zima in about 10 years. But now that you tell me I can't, it's all I want.
posted by 2bucksplus at 10:10 AM on October 12, 2014 [7 favorites]


I always enjoyed the fact that the bar in Babylon 5 had a Zima sign in the background.

In retrospect, might have been one of the most valuable antiques in the station.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 10:13 AM on October 12, 2014 [7 favorites]


Odd, I don't remember Zima being sweet at all. I know that it's slated as the grandfather of Smirnoff et al, but I think it was a very different beast.
posted by aloiv2 at 10:16 AM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


and you can pour them in a Big Gulp cup and drink them on the subway with nobody the wiser.


Um...jonmc, we've been meaning to talk to you about that...
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:18 AM on October 12, 2014 [5 favorites]


As usual, the Simpsons have got you covered.
posted by furtive at 10:19 AM on October 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


Zima was such a weird, deeply 90s thing. I was 17 at its peak in 1994, and it was everywhere. I (and most of my friends) preferred certain other intoxicants at the time, but every alley and ditch had a couple of empty Zima bottles kicking around, and every illicit party had a sixer of Zima in the fridge. I guess I remember it having a somewhat "girly" reputation—but its appeal among my teenage crowd, at least, seemed to be that (like Boone's Farm) it was cheap, easy to drink, and readily available. We didn't yet have the savvy or the purchasing power to use our beverage choices to broadcast social cues or tribal identities.

Before Zima invented the alcopop, novice drinkers just dumped liquor into soda, to dilute it and make it more palatable. No one expected it to produce a subtle aesthetic experience; they just wanted to get drunk, and that was the most straightforward way to accomplish their goal. Zima just cut out the middleman, so to speak.

I haven't had a Zima in about 10 years. But now that you tell me I can't, it's all I want.

Right?? I can almost taste it now: sweet, slightly malty, slightly citrusy. I didn't particularly care for the stuff then, and it's definitely not the kind of thing I prefer now, but I really want to break open a six-pack of Zima with a buddy right now. The only thing that could make the experience more complete would be the faint aroma of CK-1 hanging in the air.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 10:26 AM on October 12, 2014 [11 favorites]


Zima was strange. I tried it a few times. I prefer hard liquor or wine or mead anyway.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 10:27 AM on October 12, 2014




Tried it once. That was enough.
posted by freakazoid at 10:29 AM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


Mead? A friend brought me a bottle back from a RenFest and I don't think I've ever tasted anything as vile.
posted by jonmc at 10:29 AM on October 12, 2014 [5 favorites]


My wife's dad worked for Coors and years ago we went to a company event at a Dave and Busters-style place and after everyone left I noticed Zima bottles everywhere. Tables, bar, bathroom counter. Coors made Zima and my wife informed me that employees were encouraged to buy it and leave the bottles in plain sight to increase the brand's recognition and reputation. Sure enough most bottles were nowhere near empty. Zima was the predecessor of Smirnov Ice etc because it's a malt liquor rather than a "wine cooler."
posted by aydeejones at 10:31 AM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


Behind the bar we called it Pizma...
posted by jim in austin at 10:39 AM on October 12, 2014


In college I had a roommate who for a while took to drinking Zima with Jolly Ranchers in it. We of course mocked him mercilessly.

He now has surprisingly rarified tastes in whisky and gin. The system works!
posted by solotoro at 10:43 AM on October 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


Mead? A friend brought me a bottle back from a RenFest and I don't think I've ever tasted anything as vile.

Mead varies in quality and character like anything else. The stuff they sell as a novelty as Renn Faires tends to be awful.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 10:44 AM on October 12, 2014 [5 favorites]


Fair enough. I'll look for something good.
posted by jonmc at 11:02 AM on October 12, 2014


I went to a bar on the Naval base in San Diego around '93, where we were allowed to drink at 18 (to dissuade us from hopping over to Tijuana instead), and seem to remember we weren't allowed to have Zima unless we were 21. It made it especially alluring, and I looked forward to having one once I was of age. So then one day I had one.
posted by hypersloth at 11:09 AM on October 12, 2014 [4 favorites]


The thing that I find interesting about alcopops, and wine coolers before them, is that there are no gradations in quality. The discussion about really good mead that almost happened a few minutes ago is illustrative because yeah, there's good mead and there's bad mead. There's good beer and bad beer. There's good scotch and bad scotch. Hell, you can even get craft sodas if you seek them out - many breweries make root beer that will blow your mind.

I'm specifically avoiding the word "artisinal".

But there are no good alcopops. There are more and less offensive alcopops, but there doesn't exist a low-production, high-quality alcopop. Nobody lovingly crafts hard iced tea from ceylon tea leaf and small-batch vodka or whatever. Alcopops exist purely in the nowhere space of being secondary to experience but cannot be an experience themselves. I won't malign them by saying that they're purely EtOH delivery devices because humans have evolved to enjoy sweet drinks too, but I don't think I can imagine a scenario whereby someone takes enjoyment in the small pleasure of a Mike's Hard Lemonade.
posted by TheNewWazoo at 11:18 AM on October 12, 2014 [6 favorites]


Newwazoo, not everything needs to be prepared pretentiously to be sold overpriced to self satisfied yahoos. Sometimes people just want to get drunk cheap. Deal with it .
posted by jonmc at 11:24 AM on October 12, 2014 [8 favorites]


Extra strength panty remover.

...is a horrifically disgusting thing to say.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:31 AM on October 12, 2014 [9 favorites]


I was too young for Zima when it was a thing, and became aware of it only recently thanks to this very article. (Which I thought I had read because it was linked from here, but searches don't turn up a double.)

I also learned from that article that in the States, Smirnov Ice is a malt beverage, whereas in Canada it's made from vodka. I presume there is some difference in alcohol regulation that requires this.


So I looked up a bunch of the commercials and found them kind of fascinating in how hard they are working to define how you should perceive them, especially when they make comparisons to what Zima is not.

This is the best for being so blatant, with someone considering beer and "Ice" before going with the Zima.

These ones show men and women hanging out playing football and drinking Zima. The one has the title "Zomething in common" so I guess they were trying to make the case that just because girls drink Zima doesn't make it a girl drink.

This one has the guy in the hat the article mentioned. I love how she says, "wine cooler" dismissively just so he can say, "No!"
posted by RobotHero at 11:33 AM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


Alcopop is great. I love some Twisted Tea or Mike's now and again. Not too often because if I'm going to drink too many calories I want more of them to be alcohol than sugar. I would definitely try Zima if they still sold it around here. Might try the recipe if I can get my hands on Calpico.
posted by Drinky Die at 11:35 AM on October 12, 2014


I also learned from that article that in the States, Smirnov Ice is a malt beverage, whereas in Canada it's made from vodka. I presume there is some difference in alcohol regulation that requires this.

It's so bizarre, they add spirits in anyway apparently.

Although flavored malt beverages are produced at breweries, their method of production differs significantly from the production of other malt beverages and beer. In producing flavored malt beverages, brewers brew a fermented base of beer from malt and other brewing materials. Brewers then treat this base using a variety of processes in order to remove malt beverage character from the base. For example, they remove the color, bitterness, and taste generally associated with beer, ale, porter, stout, and other malt beverages. This leaves a base product to which brewers add various flavors, which typically contain distilled spirits, to achieve the desired taste profile and alcohol level.

posted by Drinky Die at 11:39 AM on October 12, 2014


feckless fecal fear mongering: Extra strength panty remover.

...is a horrifically disgusting thing to say.


If it makes you feel better, he didn't make it up. I believe this was a slogan used in an actual ad campaign at once point. It's a testament to how far we've come in the last few years that the message inherent in such a statement (i.e. "When you intentionally undermine someone's ability to withhold consent, do it with our product!") is quickly recognized for how screwed up it really is.
posted by Mitrovarr at 11:43 AM on October 12, 2014 [6 favorites]


Newwazoo, not everything needs to be prepared pretentiously to be sold overpriced to self satisfied yahoos. Sometimes people just want to get drunk cheap. Deal with it .
posted by jonmc
Right, and that's totally cool, but for almost every class of commodity good there is a option to serve the desires of "self-satisfied yahoos" that is differentiated (presumably, anyway) by more than marketing.

I just find it fascinating that alcopops are alcopops forever more.
posted by TheNewWazoo at 11:44 AM on October 12, 2014 [7 favorites]


Oh man I had totally forgotten about Hooch Lemon.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 11:45 AM on October 12, 2014


But seriously, Redstone Meadery makes good, straightforward mead that's widely distributed.
posted by TheNewWazoo at 11:45 AM on October 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


I just find it fascinating that alcopops are alcopops forever more.

Past performance is not an indicator of etc etc. I don't see any reason why some enterprising person couldn't make delicious alcopops.

Also, Drinky Die, that is so weird. How on earth is doing all of that more efficient than just starting with distilled spirits? What a weird blind spot for deregulation types to overlook.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:47 AM on October 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


Zima was my go-to for illegal drinking while bartending back in the day.
posted by wallabear at 11:47 AM on October 12, 2014


It would break my fat old heart if you disapproved, sir.
posted by jonmc at 12:00 PM on October 12, 2014


Extra strength panty remover.*


*Avoid contact with skin. Hand and eye protection required. N-series respirator with a P100 filter or better must be worn at all times. Not to be taken internally.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:03 PM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


We're talking about Zima, not Crown Royal, TWS.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:05 PM on October 12, 2014


consumers who didn't love beer but fancied themselves too macho for Boone's Farm

Too macho for the Country Kwencher? It's unpossible.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:05 PM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


"Country Kwencher" sounds like one of those code words the Klan uses.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:07 PM on October 12, 2014 [11 favorites]


I don't think I can imagine a scenario whereby someone takes enjoyment in the small pleasure of a Mike's Hard Lemonade.

Can you imagine sitting on a shady porch drinking ice cold lemonade on a 100 degree July afternoon? As simple a pleasure as there is. Now add 5% alcohol.
posted by Drinky Die at 12:13 PM on October 12, 2014 [6 favorites]


Just realized, Pimm's is virtually an alcopop, and there ain't nothing wrong with a Pimm's.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:15 PM on October 12, 2014 [6 favorites]


At about the time Zima was getting big, so were Brita water filters. The (late) alt weekly NEW YORK PRESS decided to do a piece on Brita filters for its summer preview issue, wherein they decided to run various other beverages through a Brita to see what would happen. (I remember them saying that tomato juice was surprisingly good this way.) One of the things they filtered was a stout, something like Guinness - and they were surprised to find that the resulting beverage tasted surprisingly like Zima.

They speculated that therefore, if they tried running a Zima through a Brita filter, it would actually disappear entirely.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:17 PM on October 12, 2014 [12 favorites]


Once, many years ago, my friend and I had just graduated from college and we were both having somewhat of a lost summer. So one night, we decided to go see Teen Wolf at a midnight movie. My friend was driving his mom's minivan and the night started with him saying "I forgot to steal my mom's cigarettes." And then he bought Zima for us to drink in the minivan before the movie. I don't know why he bought Zima. I don't think he knows, really. But I think it was just if we were going to have this night, we needed to commit.

I like to joke that this was one of the low points of my life -- being a lost college graduate, drinking Zima in a minivan before a midnight showing of Teen Wolf. Anyway, Zima became a recurring joke between us after that, up until the very end (said friend is still my roommate).

As far as no "craft" alcopops go, some breweries are playing around with making radlers. I think we're only going to see more of that, honestly.
posted by darksong at 12:19 PM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


I just find it fascinating that alcopops are alcopops forever more.

I'd argue that the qualities that define alcopops as a category are the same qualities that prevent them from rising to a higher standard.

After all, it's not the carbonation, the sweetness, the low alcohol content, or the use of fruit-derived flavors that defines the alcopop—all of those things are used to great effect in more highly regarded beverages.

Rather, alcopops are alcopops because they're mass-produced, premixed, artificially flavored, and use excessive amounts of sugar as the primary flavor.

If you made a great alcopop, it wouldn't be alcopop anymore—it would be a cocktail.

Can you imagine sitting on a shady porch drinking ice cold lemonade on a 100 degree July afternoon? As simple a pleasure as there is. Now add 5% alcohol.

Sounds great, if we're talking about decent lemonade (i.e., something that was made from water, fresh lemons, and sugar sometime in the last 48 hours). But that's not what we're talking about.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 12:20 PM on October 12, 2014 [4 favorites]


'Alcopops are bad because they're bad' is um... well it's kind of like saying nobody could make good soda because the defining characteristics are sugar and artificial flavours. Yet there are people making damn good sodas on a large scale--Jones and The Pop Shoppe come to mind.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:28 PM on October 12, 2014 [4 favorites]


Er, sorry, it's more like saying that what Jones and TPS and others are making isn't soda/pop, because it's good.

The Jones turkey and gravy flavour does not count.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:30 PM on October 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


Back in the '80s, The Pop Shoppe was always what you got when you went to a birthday party at that kid's house.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:41 PM on October 12, 2014


Yet one of the things that distinguish Jones and other boutique-y soft drinks is the use of real sugar. Per the topic, you might think there would be an alcopop that similarly forewent industrial ingredients.
posted by rhizome at 12:41 PM on October 12, 2014


Ted Denslow on the topic
posted by rhizome at 12:43 PM on October 12, 2014


Sounds great, if we're talking about decent lemonade (i.e., something that was made from water, fresh lemons, and sugar sometime in the last 48 hours). But that's not what we're talking about.

Next level snobbery going on here.
posted by Drinky Die at 12:45 PM on October 12, 2014 [7 favorites]


It's past licensing hours here, but you're all talking like I'm not a true Scotsman because I want to try some hard lemonade.

/stares at single malt, feels slightly sad

Seriously, if I have lemons, water and sugar, what liquor is recommended?
posted by Wrinkled Stumpskin at 12:50 PM on October 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


Vodka or Limoncello (use much less sugar if you're mixing with Limoncello).
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:54 PM on October 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


mix half with a very light beer - boom you have a shandy (Add some ginger for a kick! Or ginger liqueur I wont judge)
posted by The Whelk at 1:02 PM on October 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


/stares at single malt, feels slightly sad

Seriously, if I have lemons, water and sugar, what liquor is recommended?


Single Malt Whisky Sour time!
posted by Drinky Die at 1:04 PM on October 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


Mead varies in quality and character like anything else. The stuff they sell as a novelty as Renn Faires tends to be awful.

I've had two hangovers in my life that still elicit physical pain just by remembering them. One was when I was 17 and drank huge quantities of everclear mixed with grape kool aid. The other was from mead. Never again.
posted by Dr. Twist at 1:08 PM on October 12, 2014


Have you ever had that hangover where you are convinced you are actually dead, you just haven't realized it yet?

Yeah, fuck you, tequila.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:13 PM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


Any man who drinks anything other than beer, red wine or straight whisky is no man at all, or at least no man I would care to meet.

I have, as so often, spoken.
posted by Decani at 1:40 PM on October 12, 2014 [6 favorites]


I have, as so often, spoken bullplop.
posted by Drinky Die at 1:49 PM on October 12, 2014 [8 favorites]


From "The 13th Warrior" starring Antonio Banderas as a Muslim poet sent as an ambassador to the Vikings when he is offered mead:

Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan: [as Herger offers a mead horn] I can taste neither the fermentation of grape, nor of wheat.

[Herger laughs]

Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan: What? Why do you laugh?

Herger the Joyous: [laughing and handing over the bottle] HONEY! It's made from honey!

And then Banderas does a wonderful double-take and drinks with gusto.
posted by TDavis at 1:54 PM on October 12, 2014


Seriously, if I have lemons, water and sugar, what liquor is recommended?

Seriously? Almost any liquor. Some liquors taste good when you add sourness, some taste good when you add sweetness, many taste good when you add both. I grew up in a family of sugar planters, we always had fresh water from the deep well, all possible grades of cane sugar and cane alcohol, limes, lemons, sweet limes, bitter oranges and other citrus trees in the back yard. We did a lot of experimentation.

Some that I can remember: Lemonade with cane alcohol, to about 4% alcohol, perfect fuel for a loooong day of work under the sun. Variations on the Brazilian caipirinha, using different clear spirits and citrus. Bourbon and whisky sour. Gimlets. Beer with lemonade. Gin sour. Gin and lemonade. Old Fashioned (using bitter orange peel).

Start by tasting your base spirit and figuring out if you'd like it more sweet, sour or diluted. Add the second ingredient in small increments until you reach the level you want. Repeat with the third and subsequent ingredients. Take notes, because if you so it right you will not remember anything.

If you add to the list of ingredient some sweet fruity thing like maraschino liquor, and some bitters then the sky is the limit.
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 2:08 PM on October 12, 2014 [8 favorites]


Wow, thank you gentle people!

Hard lemonade is less well-defined than I thought, so I'll jusht hafve to work through the suggeshtions. (maybe next weekend)
posted by Wrinkled Stumpskin at 2:25 PM on October 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


PS, basil is really nice in lemonade, so's tarragon. Just bruise the leaves a bit and throw them in.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:28 PM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


My understanding is that the reason for making alcopops from malt is that it allows them to be sold in stores that can't sell distilled alcohol. In my state, wine and distilled alcohol can only be sold in liquor stores, while malt beverages are sold in grocery and convenience stores. So, regardless of alcohol content, the law differentiates between them. Just another oddity in the strange world of alcohol laws.
posted by jkent at 2:36 PM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


Just realized, Pimm's is virtually an alcopop, and there ain't nothing wrong with a Pimm's.

Southern France has a lot of things to offer like this; in any other context this would probably be a "wine cooler". Call it an "apéro" and suddenly it's in a different league.
posted by gimonca at 2:39 PM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


Also, obligatory: And waitress....this time, no giggling.
posted by gimonca at 2:39 PM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


but I don't think I can imagine a scenario whereby someone takes enjoyment in the small pleasure of a Mike's Hard Lemonade

I assume you're getting at something else, but I know a lot of adults a bit past middle age who seem to find certain flavors of Mike's or Smirnoff Ice, around a campfire or on a boat, a small but precious pleasure indeed.
posted by stoneandstar at 2:54 PM on October 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


One of the things they filtered was a stout, something like Guinness - and they were surprised to find that the resulting beverage tasted surprisingly like Zima.

They speculated that therefore, if they tried running a Zima through a Brita filter, it would actually disappear entirely.


Someone wasn't really thinking about how filters work.
posted by straight at 3:23 PM on October 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


I became legal to drink right around the time Zima was a thing. Coming from a family of teetotallers (who had drunk PBR before they swore off booze) I had no savvy about alcohol in any way. I still didn't like Zima that much. I switched to Malibu and orange juice, the girl's drink of choice at my college. Then I had some good whisky and went "Oh, that's what it's supposed to taste like." And then later craft beers came out and drinking became more fun, though I was never a serious partier.

Drinking alcopops at parties now is kind of like drinking the punch at a kid's party. It's ok but you feel vaguely silly.
posted by emjaybee at 3:24 PM on October 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


I always hated the bullshit, macho, "authentic drink" hatred of Zima. Zima was the perfect mixer for sweet drinks. Period.

Want something light? Favorite fruit juice + Zima.

Something interesting, and not too strong? Zima + bitters.

Something harder? Zima is light-flavored enough to let the liquors you choose shine through.
posted by IAmBroom at 3:25 PM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


Summer afternoon BBQ party drink:

Get some lemonade. Make it by hand from home-stomped lemons, use Country Time or Crystal Lite or whatever, but cut it so it's not sweet enough. I like to do this with a fizzy water.

Mix with sweet tea vodka. I prefer about a 70:30 lemonade:vodka mix, but you could tweak your lemonade base and alcohol proportions to make space for limoncello. We have not decided on a name for sure, but "Arnold 'Boom-Boom' Palmer" is the frontrunner.

This is the best hard lemonade.
posted by Lyn Never at 3:46 PM on October 12, 2014 [5 favorites]


I don't see any reason why some enterprising person couldn't make delicious alcopops.

Crabbie's ginger beer is something I order occasionally when there's no good cider and no gluten free beer. Well, in terms of gluten free beer, I probably have it in preference to Budweiser. I don't know how common it is in the US, though.
posted by ambrosen at 4:13 PM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


About 17 years ago, a bunch of us were taking the Ferry to Victoria BC. My friend Jeff got pretty wasted on the ride over. When he was going through the customs, the Canadian border patrol agent asked him if he had a beer in his shirt pocket. He replied, "no it's zomething different!" And amazingly he was let into Canada, drunk on Zima.
posted by vespabelle at 4:22 PM on October 12, 2014 [6 favorites]


BevMo has Crabbie's.
posted by rhizome at 4:24 PM on October 12, 2014


I enjoy alcopops, and the last Zima I had was a few weeks ago (as linked up above, it's still selling strong here in Japan) but while I don't think Zima's bad, really, for some reason it never draws me back. Sometimes I'm in the mood for a Smirnoff Ice or the like, but the only reason I ever seem to buy Zima (maybe once a year) is that I realize that I don't remember what it tasted like, so I get curious, I buy a bottle, I drink it, I think, "Eh, it's ok, nothing special", and then after about a year I've forgotten the flavor and the cycle repeats.
posted by Bugbread at 4:26 PM on October 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


Enjoying a Mike's right now, dedicated to all y'all.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:55 PM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


Dammit, thread. Now I want a shandy and a bourbon with lemonade, but I can't have either because I'm pregnant.

I was in my early teens when Zima was popular, and wasn't the kind of kid who went to parties with drinking, so I missed out on it entirely. I always wondered what it tastes like. Like Crystal Pepsi, right?
posted by apricot at 5:04 PM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


Wait a minute...2008? So I could have tried it? Dammit again!
posted by apricot at 5:08 PM on October 12, 2014


If I'm recalling correctly, it's more like Sprite with kind of a malty undercurrent (like any other malt liquor—it's partly covered up by sugar and citrus flavor in Zima, but it's still there).
posted by escape from the potato planet at 5:13 PM on October 12, 2014


Like Crystal Pepsi, right?

It's been even longer since I've had a Crystal Pepsi (which I liked), but that's not far off. Sprite-y.

The much-hyped debut of Zima meant I tried one the first time I saw them in a bar. I drank one while waiting for a friend's band to play, and then over the next hour I began coughing and getting chest congestion. All the way home, my coughs tasted like Zima aftertaste, which I couldn't get out of my throat.

Five days later I was diagnosed with severe bronchitis and just barely avoided the hospital. I swear that taste, and the weird too-citric-acidy feeling in my throat, lingered for like 2 days. I never had another Zima.
posted by Lyn Never at 5:15 PM on October 12, 2014


jonmc: "I don't mind alcopops. They're tasty, alcohol packed and you can pour them in a Big Gulp cup and drink them on the subway with nobody the wiser."

Back when I rode the subway I preferred diet coke and vodka in my Big Gulp cup. But I see your point. Zima reminded me of almost flat seven up.
posted by Splunge at 5:19 PM on October 12, 2014


Zima is just so ... modern. When I was coming up, we had Boone's Farm, Annie Green Springs, and Malt Duck. The hope for a cheap-ass buzz springs eternal.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 5:31 PM on October 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


We've replaced alcopops with flavored vodka. There is no other explanation for the sadness that is birthday-cake-flavored vodka.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 6:26 PM on October 12, 2014 [10 favorites]


So the second sentence of the History section on the Wikipedia entry is this:

TV writer Jane Espenson came up with the name.

Sometimes I think I'm the subject of people messing with Wikipedia for lulz, but in this case it appears to be a probably true statement. Some more explanation here.
posted by A dead Quaker at 7:09 PM on October 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


I find it interesting that at least in my social group, cider--which I love, but expected to be similarly reviled as a sweet girly thing--seems to have found a comfortable home among my male usually-beer-drinking friends. Not that they don't still drink beer, but they seem to take it for a nice change of pace. I've always generally been fonder of the sweeter things, but I mostly drink cocktails, now, and cider, and an occasional lambic. I see why people like the alcopops, still, because that's where I started, but even if you have a sweet tooth they don't seem like the best of options.
posted by Sequence at 7:16 PM on October 12, 2014


Am I the only one left who just drinks bag-wrapped tall boys on the train/bus?
posted by holybagel at 7:41 PM on October 12, 2014


Yeah, fuck you, tequila

Nope, other way around. In perpetuity, or so it seems.
posted by datawrangler at 9:12 PM on October 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


But there are no good alcopops. There are more and less offensive alcopops, but there doesn't exist a low-production, high-quality alcopop. Nobody lovingly crafts hard iced tea from ceylon tea leaf and small-batch vodka or whatever. Alcopops exist purely in the nowhere space of being secondary to experience but cannot be an experience themselves. I won't malign them by saying that they're purely EtOH delivery devices because humans have evolved to enjoy sweet drinks too, but I don't think I can imagine a scenario whereby someone takes enjoyment in the small pleasure of a Mike's Hard Lemonade.

That paragraph of yours looks like it belongs in a business plan for your high-end alcopop line until the end. You're right, it's kind of crazy that it hasn't taken off, and it's ripe for such a thing to happen just in time for the bourbon and red wine crazes to level off. Rum wouldn't be a bad thing to get into either, since it doesn't require much aging.

Maybe it's not ripe because analysis has shown that these things are just too low-brow-niche but I'm sure they can be elevated. There's a resurgence in popularity of cider, which is just a pivot away, and the new generation "alcopops" would probably benefit from not being "Malt Liquor" based, getting artisinally-super-distilled ethanol from the same processes involved in medium-to-high-end-vodkas, so they can claim the same elaborate french-grain-origin stories without the "Colt 45" mental image that goes with the generic term "malt liquor." Instead they would be called "Infused Cocktail Beverages" or something. I cringe at using the word "cocktail" in this fashion but it beats calling everything a "something-tini" or a "Hard Whatever."

Also, write this down: "hard" juice boxes, barely-to-not carbonated so they don't blow up, for easy cooler storage and transport and that vintage, childhood feeling. "Hi C" but with a kick, see? How about a little squirt bottle of organic fair trade Myer lemon juice, stevia, and simple syrup with a kick-ass white-lightning that I can squirt into my icewater at any establishment for instant hard lemonade?

The snobs (myself included) will say that this doomed because the established high-end booze categories are about brewing / fermenting / preserving / aging and the development of flavor is just an emergent synthesis of those processes and the root ingredients, which people do genuinely enjoy even if it's in part due to a faddish obsession, just as high-end aged ham was never "intended" to be expensive foodie/hipster-food but is simply well-preserved delicious pork that happens to go "hog wild" developing character with time -- the complex flavors in red wine, bourbon, beers, etc arise from the fermentation and aging processes themselves, and introduce all sorts of opportunity for interplays of complexity and familiarity dashed with moments of "what the hell is that weird, almost offensive but intruiguing flavor exactly...chloraseptic...phenol? Yes, phenol!" So long as that phenol has an origin that ties to the process itself in terms of the ingredients (i.e. from the smoked peat in Scotch) and is not an industrial contaminant (even if it managed to still be tasty and in a safe concentration) then that phenol is good hipster phenol worthy of mention. Did I mention that somehow phenol was the first thing I liked about [Islay] Scotch?

In 5-10 years I suspect there will be millionaires and billionaires in this "space." Especially if grapes endure hardships due to climate change, or good wines become increasingly scarce. I know that terroir affects everything to different extents -- why don't we market the terroir that resulted in these blueberries, or this beehive used to sweeten this cocktail...

There's even room for artisinal fair trade locally sourced mai-tai-in-a-can and other thrown-together-fruity-cocktails if you can do it with a straight face and talk about where the organic fair trade fruit comes from and use non-BPA lining in that can along with recycled aluminum and do cute things like store dark and light rum in separate lunchable-like capsules that you can squirt into your drink.
posted by aydeejones at 2:01 AM on October 13, 2014 [3 favorites]


Fine, but how do you explain Bud Light and Clamato?
posted by Gungho at 6:39 AM on October 13, 2014


All kinds of micheladas are popular in Mexico and Latin America. The Bud and Clamato is not as bad as it sounds, though the second was significantly worse than the first. I find that's the case for all tomato based cocktails though, may just be that I'm not a big tomato fan.
posted by Drinky Die at 7:03 AM on October 13, 2014


Someone wasn't really thinking about how filters work.

....They were making a joke.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:43 AM on October 13, 2014 [2 favorites]


Bud light and Clamato is a laxative for your esophagus.
posted by WeekendJen at 9:40 AM on October 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


The first time I ever had alcohol was the time someone handed me a gigantic bottle of Smirnoff Ice the second week of college at a foam party. Admittedly, that was about the right level of classy for Smirnoff Ice.

The second time I had alcohol was two weeks later at the only gay bar which admitted under-21s for miles, with a friend who wasn't quite out of the closet yet but still managed to persuade some guy to buy us both Zimas. God that bar was sketchy. First time I'd ever been to a club, period, and there was a guy in a wedding dress and roller skates serving alcohol, blowing my little suburban mind.

Needless to say, while I don't drink alcopops anymore, I do have fond memories.
posted by librarylis at 11:42 AM on October 13, 2014


I am also a fan of Crabbie's Ginger Beer (it also comes in various flavors!) but I do find it a bit pricey for what it is. It's always a nice closer for the night, though -- just a bit lighter and more refreshing than the beers I'm drinking.

Floris Framboise is technically a beer but tastes more like soda than any other "real" alcopop I've ever had (and at under 4% ABV, it's barely alcoholic anyway). That's not always a bad thing -- just not quite what I think of when I think of Belgian beers.

(I've had other framboise beers and other fruit beers that aren't so aggressively sweet.)
posted by darksong at 1:45 PM on October 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


I just liked the bottles Zima came in.
posted by merelyglib at 2:03 PM on October 13, 2014


Inspired by this thread, I decided to try a Bud Light Lime-A-Rita. I can't decide if I love it or if it's like drinking some type of cleaning solution. Maybe both.
posted by Drinky Die at 9:18 AM on October 14, 2014


It's kind of like the opposite of the Bud and Clamato. Instead of a growing sense of dread as you keep drinking and discovering new flavors...like clam...the intense pile of sugar and lime and 8% ABV just pitches a tent in your mouth and sets up camp. It's cliche, but, "party in your mouth" is an apt description.
posted by Drinky Die at 9:27 AM on October 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


Beer and Clamato is pretty popular up here in Canada. It is often referred to as a "Red Eye". Our unabashed embrace of clamato juice seems to be one of those things that makes other countries peer suspiciously at us.
posted by joelhunt at 9:51 AM on October 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


I'm now trying Bud Light Straw-Ber-Rita...it's delicious. And also 8% ABV in a 16 ounce can...I don't have the language to explain how great this product is.
posted by Drinky Die at 6:46 PM on October 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


If you want a cheap homemade version of Smirnoff Ice (at least the Canadian non-malt beverage variety), just add vodka to Fresca.

when I was 17 and drank huge quantities of everclear mixed with grape kool aid

Ah, yes, the Purple Jesus. I've gotten drunk on those on a few occasions back in college and remember none of them. It's blackout juice.
posted by rocket88 at 9:21 AM on October 16, 2014


« Older Trash Can Challenge   |   Es ist eine kleine Welt, nachdem alle Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments