life is short. fly to mars

October 20, 2014 11:36 PM

i build rocket in my back garden for 10 year
i build rocket from spare car part and old nuclear facility
in month of march i buy 10,000 of my favourite protein bar
in month of april i launch rocket with me in it towards planet mars
now i am on mars

Evghenia is on Mars. She has enough water to survive for another two hundred and eighty days. In the meantime, she reminisces about her favorite and least favorite things on earth, comments on the space-speculation of poets Bowie and Elton, writes about her heroes, and criticizes Elon Musk and NASA and all the many people who have failed to be on Mars first. (She is understandably proud of her significant accomplishment.) She also writes about goatbot, who she built herself and who is her only friend, and occasionally tells jokes and sings songs and reminisces about her past and present. Definitely a Twitter account worth following.
posted by rorgy (16 comments total)

Man, that would sure give you a lot of latency issues trying to tweet from Mars. It's anywhere from about 0.4 AU to 2.6 AU away, and each AU is 499 light-seconds or so. So anywhere between 7 to 45 minutes round trip between sending a tweet and getting confirmation back from Twitter's servers.

And you thought your net connection was slow!
posted by shvaughn at 11:46 PM on October 20, 2014 [3 favorites]

Well, i'm enjoying this, which is more than I can say for the rest of twitter
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 12:39 AM on October 21, 2014

I can confirm she is on Mars.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:34 AM on October 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

This puts me in mind of 'Salvage 1'. I loved that programme.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 4:01 AM on October 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

It puts me in mind of Mystery Science Theater without the movies.
posted by spitbull at 4:14 AM on October 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Who knew tweets about protein bars could be so fun. Following! Thanks, rorgy!
posted by Didymium at 4:16 AM on October 21, 2014

I'm going to follow this and then get mad when it turns out to be viral marketing for something, aren't I?
posted by Gev at 5:26 AM on October 21, 2014 [4 favorites]

if you eat only protein bar for over 80 days in row while alone on mars excrement begin to resemble metal rod

That's a disturbingly realistic detail.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:45 AM on October 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

I bet DSN user spacecraft are going to get pissed when their DSN supports are pulled to support evghenia.
posted by Rob Rockets at 6:51 AM on October 21, 2014

I liked the part where she was on Mars.
posted by Pyrogenesis at 7:12 AM on October 21, 2014

She seems so lonely. Maybe we should fix her up with the Carrot Facts guy?
posted by PlusDistance at 7:13 AM on October 21, 2014

I love this. Why is it sometimes the best things are built on lies (also carparts)
posted by Mchelly at 8:28 AM on October 21, 2014

i saw her
i saw her on mars with a telocopse
posted by The White Hat at 8:54 AM on October 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

first lucia pamela
now evgenia

GLORIOUS
posted by beefetish at 10:07 AM on October 21, 2014

I believe I am uniquely qualified to confirm Evghenia's presence on the Red Planet.
posted by Mars Saxman at 12:11 PM on October 21, 2014 [2 favorites]

beefetish, reminds me as well of Lucia Pamela (Previously), whose "Into Outer Space with Lucia Pamela" inspired Stereolab's International Colouring Contest.
posted by larrybob at 2:08 PM on October 21, 2014