Barbie is D'Artagnan. Really.
October 26, 2014 2:56 PM   Subscribe

If you only read one review today, please make it this one.

We may look beautiful
We may be dutiful
But don’t be fooled of our finesse
We’re here to save the day
Come on, en garde, touche
We’re no damsels in distress
Don’t mess with the dress


You may recall Tansy Rayner Roberts from these previous posts. Or her Patreon funded Musketeer Space series of reviews and fiction (which the above forms part of). Or her other fiction. Or the podcast Galactic Suburbia. A whole lot of things really, but this review is great.
posted by geek anachronism (26 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
 
It's also worth watching Weekly Wipe's Philomena Cunk and Barry Shitpeas give a very accurate review of the BBC's recent Musketeers series.
posted by Catblack at 3:15 PM on October 26, 2014 [6 favorites]


Sometimes a sword is just a sword.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 3:29 PM on October 26, 2014


Five stars for "the dog ate my letter of introduction."
posted by jfuller at 4:01 PM on October 26, 2014 [3 favorites]


Did      not      know      this      genre      existed.
posted by sammyo at 4:12 PM on October 26, 2014


Cutesturbing...this is a word that needed to exist.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 4:23 PM on October 26, 2014 [3 favorites]


Hmm... Will this help me recruit girls to the fencing club? Not sure.
posted by chapps at 4:47 PM on October 26, 2014


Yet I will probably watch it.
posted by chapps at 5:09 PM on October 26, 2014


If you go through Dumas' early drafts the talking cat is actually in there.
posted by um at 5:10 PM on October 26, 2014 [7 favorites]


Damn it, now I have to borrow a Barbie movie from my niece. I'll never live it down. But now I know why the first thing in the house she heads towards are my épée and sabers.
posted by dejah420 at 5:27 PM on October 26, 2014 [2 favorites]


This sounds like an amazing thing that I cannot believe exists in the world.
posted by RainyJay at 5:31 PM on October 26, 2014


…So sayeth the people without kids in the target demographic! I have watched this one many times, along with all the others of its ilk. You people wouldn't believe the sights I've seen…
posted by wenestvedt at 5:42 PM on October 26, 2014 [5 favorites]


@Chapps: There's always Revolutionary Girl Utena. That's got swords and fencing and roses and disturbing red convertibles that are totally not extended metaphors...
posted by which_chick at 6:10 PM on October 26, 2014 [8 favorites]


What what WHAT? Thanks which_chick!
posted by chapps at 6:13 PM on October 26, 2014


Barbie Life In the Dreamhouse really is pretty great, I enjoy the way it mocks the whole Barbie empire and playing experience without the slightest bit of mean-spiritedness or disdain for its subject. (But I grew up with Barbie and draw paper dolls now, so I couldn't be more of a target audience member...)
posted by shirobara at 6:26 PM on October 26, 2014 [2 favorites]


When she was younger, one of my daughter's favorite computer games was Barbie Secret Agent. It was actually kind of a cool game even if the villain was a fashion designer who'd stolen various items to put on the bestest fashion show ever, because she got to do all sorts of secret-agenty things around the world. Best part (well, for me, anyway) was the cheat that, if you typed JET at the right point, gave Barbie a jet pack - and if you ran the jet pack long enough, Barbie would fly out of the game entirely and start falling forever through a blue void, from which the only escape was shutting the game down entirely and starting over.
posted by adamg at 7:13 PM on October 26, 2014 [3 favorites]


@Chapps: Deeper... Go Deeper.

As in: Don't stop at Utena. You should also check out Rose of Versailles, a powerful inspiration for Utena. The protagonist of RoV is a young woman raised as male by her father who ends up in the Royal Guard at Versailles just in time for the coming Revolution.
posted by ursus_comiter at 7:22 PM on October 26, 2014 [4 favorites]


chapps: "What what WHAT? Thanks which_chick!"

OOhhhhh man. Ohhhhh man. Ha ha. Oh man. Ha. You're going to go on a great journey of discovery.
posted by boo_radley at 7:38 PM on October 26, 2014 [3 favorites]


Wait, is that what those Utena lyrics are about.. revolution? Hmm. I thought they were just word soup.

In other news, I don't think I'll actually watch this movie, but I definitely enjoyed reading about it. Thanks.
posted by nat at 8:03 PM on October 26, 2014


Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse is ridiculously awesome. Ralph watches it. Not even kidding.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 8:15 PM on October 26, 2014 [2 favorites]


At this point, I now watch Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse. It is completely hilariously bizarre. And yet wonderful.
posted by smangosbubbles at 9:01 PM on October 26, 2014


This is great... Thanks everyone.
Seems like there's some fencing content out there for every age group... Barbie for kids, I'm told Utena is for an older teen set, and there's Riot Club, too.
posted by chapps at 12:16 AM on October 27, 2014


> "... disturbing red convertibles that are totally not extended metaphors ..."

Hey, sometimes a girl who LITERALLY TURNS INTO A CAR in the movie adaptation is just a girl who ...

No, honestly, that was weird.
posted by kyrademon at 6:21 AM on October 27, 2014 [2 favorites]


Because of this thread I watched Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse on YouTube for one episode and now I'm back five years ago when, for five months, I had three teenage daughters (13, 15, 19).

I am as stupefied now as I was then.
posted by sidereal at 2:35 PM on October 27, 2014


I'm glad to see some love for the Barbie movies. My daughter loves them and while they're 20-year behind in terms of animation and CG rendering, (some) of the stories are actually good, and, as the article says, they can leave Disney/Pixar "in the dust", particularly re:gender. With a better budget, they could be awesome. True, there are princesses, fairies, sirens, unicorns, cute talking animals and waaaaaay too much pink, but the Barbie character is resolute, strong and occasionally pretty badass. She's the one who rescues Ken from abduction and forced marriage in A fairy secret, and Prince Whatshisname, who's been tied up and hung by his tail (he's a merman) in Mermaidia. By the way, one of the sword fights in Barbie and the Three Musketeers has Barbie fighting several masked men (with two swords), doing some wire-fu and cartwheels, running on a bannister etc. Rings a bell? It's the Showdown at House of Blue Leaves from Kill Bill, with Barbie as The Bride and much less dismemberment. Proof at the top of the stairs.
posted by elgilito at 4:08 PM on October 27, 2014


I really do like the Barbie movies - they're terrible for animation and fairly dull, like a lot of kid's media properties, but there's a reasonably huge range of representations of being a woman, and all those really crunchy notions of honour and respect and sacrifice.

Also, Swan Lake has outtakes with the shakespearean ogre fluffing his lines.
posted by geek anachronism at 1:01 AM on October 28, 2014


I have to admit I watched an episode of Barbie: whatsit a couple of months ago and I was not at all horrified and appalled.
posted by bq at 9:46 AM on October 28, 2014


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