Meet Stinger: Soccer's most subversive mascot

November 5, 2014 12:42 PM

At the beginning of the 2014 North American Soccer League season, the San Antonio Scorpions unveiled a subversive mascot who—at the very core of his being—presents a critique of capitalism and the military industrial complex. Stinger the Scorpion forces the contemporary spectator to recognize the existential angst at the center of contemporary soccer.
posted by josher71 (19 comments total)

The Mohawked mascot carries echoes of the 1980s military culture embodied in Mr. T.’s seminal role as B.A. Baracus in The A-Team, a television show that reflected the military excesses of the era of Oliver North and Iran-Contra.

Pass me that joint you're smoking, sir
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:46 PM on November 5, 2014 [4 favorites]

It looks like a mascot, but actually it's a cleverly-assembled plate of beans.
posted by murphy slaw at 12:47 PM on November 5, 2014 [10 favorites]

How many times does this essay about a new mascot use the word 'virginal'? Five times, that's how many.
posted by el io at 12:57 PM on November 5, 2014 [1 favorite]

It looks like a mascot, but actually it's a cleverly-assembled plate of beans.

At least it's not a writhing, sentient mass of voles.
posted by The Michael The at 12:58 PM on November 5, 2014 [1 favorite]

Another chance to disapprove
Another brilliant zinger
Another reason not to move
Another vodka stinger-
posted by Iridic at 1:02 PM on November 5, 2014 [1 favorite]

The Mohawked mascot carries echoes of the 1980s military culture embodied in Mr. T.’s seminal role as B.A. Baracus in The A-Team, a television show that reflected the military excesses of the era of Oliver North and Iran-Contra.

Pass me that joint you're smoking, sir

Well, the A-Team's origin story is, "In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune." They spend a lot of time in the show running from and fighting against the US military. I think it's possible to read the show as a (relatively mild) criticism of the military for, essentially, valuing hierarchy and bureaucracy for their own sakes and for allowing bad commanders to run rampant in the service of secretive and/or morally-dubious goals.

All of which is to say, that part about the A-Team is by no means the biggest stretch in that article.
posted by Copronymus at 1:07 PM on November 5, 2014 [5 favorites]

Writers should be kept away from reviewing sports mascots after attending a Felini film festival.
posted by Nanukthedog at 1:11 PM on November 5, 2014 [5 favorites]

"... forces the contemporary spectator to recognize the existential angst at the center of contemporary soccer."

I'm thinking this guy hasn't spent much time in San Antonio.
posted by Gilbert at 1:13 PM on November 5, 2014

Finally, something that combines my love soccer and my love of 400 level college literature essays!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 1:32 PM on November 5, 2014 [7 favorites]

I dunno, I kinda enjoy onanistic displays of faux intellectualism.
posted by johnnydummkopf at 1:33 PM on November 5, 2014 [5 favorites]

Well, the A-Team's origin story is, "In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune."

I bet you typed that out from memory.
posted by slogger at 1:35 PM on November 5, 2014 [12 favorites]

There was also a beanie baby scorpion named Stinger, complete with treacly rhyme about how he wanted to play.
posted by brujita at 2:11 PM on November 5, 2014 [1 favorite]

Did Russell Brand write this?
posted by nerdler at 2:13 PM on November 5, 2014 [3 favorites]

Wow, i actually found something more pseudo-intellectual and tired than all those "deep" reviews of the new taylor swift album.
posted by emptythought at 2:31 PM on November 5, 2014 [1 favorite]

Another chance to disapprove
Another brilliant zinger
Another reason not to move
Another vodka stinger-

BURMA SHAVE
posted by Sebmojo at 2:49 PM on November 5, 2014 [3 favorites]

"... forces the contemporary spectator to recognize the existential angst at the center of contemporary soccer."

I'm thinking this guy hasn't spent much time in San Antonio.

Or at least at a stingers game... I have found my friends in San Antonio to have much more passionate and thought provoking discussions than friends here in Dallas. YMMV.
posted by Benway at 3:21 PM on November 5, 2014

That mascot looks like he has a giant turd sticking out of his butt.
posted by Daddy-O at 3:28 PM on November 5, 2014

I have a really hard time, as someone who grew up in San Antonio, believing that San Antonio is capable of engaging in any sort of irony. Even Spurs Jesus was widely believed to be the actual incarnation Jesus - who has put off fighting evil (or whatever) to watch the Drive for Five.
posted by Partario at 4:19 PM on November 5, 2014 [1 favorite]

Wait...is this meant to be serious? I understood it to be a humor piece, with the pseudo-intellectualism being a means of mocking of a really lame mascot that looks (as the piece points out) like a turd. But some of the comments here are treating it like a seriously-intended analysis so maybe I'm wrong.
posted by ootandaboot at 5:19 PM on November 5, 2014 [2 favorites]