NO ELEPHANTS, NO CASTLES, ALL LIES

November 5, 2014 2:40 PM

The definitive stereotype map of London
posted by Sebmojo (36 comments total)

Missing a "CRAZY WANKERS" annotation around Speakers' Corner.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 2:51 PM on November 5, 2014 [1 favorite]

So, to sum up, wankers?
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 2:52 PM on November 5, 2014 [2 favorites]

as far as the eye can see
posted by Sebmojo at 2:53 PM on November 5, 2014 [2 favorites]

Zoom out a bit.

Zoom out a bit more.

A bit more zoom out?

Aaand there, that's about my level of detail:

"SOUTHERNERS"
posted by Thing at 2:58 PM on November 5, 2014 [2 favorites]

Can someone explain RED TROUSERS RAH RAH RAH to a clueless Yank?
posted by languagehat at 2:58 PM on November 5, 2014

Red trousers are worn by poshos. Yah?
posted by Thing at 2:59 PM on November 5, 2014

SOUTHERNERS

Not sure if y'all know where actual Southerners live.
posted by GuyZero at 3:01 PM on November 5, 2014 [1 favorite]

HTH, languagehat...
posted by motty at 3:02 PM on November 5, 2014 [4 favorites]

> HTH, languagehat...

Good lord. Thanks, I think. I'm almost sorry I asked.
posted by languagehat at 3:04 PM on November 5, 2014 [7 favorites]

We stayed in a hotel in What Happens Here? Nobody Knows.
posted by rtha at 3:09 PM on November 5, 2014

There are a disturbing number of men called Clive there yes
posted by The Whelk at 3:11 PM on November 5, 2014

Terrifyingly accurate, particularly the Raven Wankers part.
posted by fight or flight at 3:13 PM on November 5, 2014

Fantastic, I used to live at No Elephant, No Castle, just off Terrifying Roundabout, and later moved in-between Graduates with Better-Paying Jobs and People With Boring Jobs. I can confirm this map is almost terrifyingly accurate.

Also:

London: So, to sum up, wankers?
posted by Pink Frost at 3:15 PM on November 5, 2014 [2 favorites]

To be 'definitive', this would need to include some offensively racist stereotypes, unfortunately. It's probably just as well zones 2-9 aren't included.
posted by verstegan at 3:18 PM on November 5, 2014

I first saw one of these stereotypes maps applied to Denver. It is also terrifyingly accurate.
posted by lonefrontranger at 3:37 PM on November 5, 2014

To be 'definitive', this would need to include some offensively racist stereotypes,

Drunk Aussies doesn't cut it?
posted by IndigoJones at 4:03 PM on November 5, 2014 [1 favorite]

My area of London is now called 'cupcakes' but only a few years ago it was definitely 'lawyer wankers' so this is a good snapshot in time.
posted by vacapinta at 4:18 PM on November 5, 2014

To be 'definitive', this would need to include some offensively racist stereotypes

"Salt Beef and the People who Love It"
"Reeks of Curry, Pleasantly"
"People Who Don't Look Right Before Crossing Even Though It's Painted on the Ruddy Ground"
"Camden"
posted by a halcyon day at 4:57 PM on November 5, 2014 [2 favorites]

That's a terrible map of Toronto.
posted by clvrmnky at 5:25 PM on November 5, 2014

Interesting. In the Women Called Henrietta area, I once rented a room from a woman called something very close to Henrietta. I also learned a valuable lesson about renting suspiciously cheap rooms.
posted by betweenthebars at 7:02 PM on November 5, 2014

Drunk Aussies doesn't cut it?

I genuinely LOL'd at that. It's pointing directly at the Walkabout pub on the Embankment: "Drunk Aussies" is entirely accurate, with the only possible offensiveness being that it ignores the equally drunk New Zealanders and South Africans who are also present there.
posted by Pink Frost at 7:23 PM on November 5, 2014

What's up with CONFUSED SCOTS around King's Cross St. Pancras? (I mean, I stumbled across many confused people there last year, including myself on at least one occasion, but no Scots in particular.)

That led me to the counterpart map for the USA as seen by the British, whereupon I discovered that I live in WAIT IS ALL THIS NEW YORK TOO?
posted by thomas j wise at 7:31 PM on November 5, 2014

Can someone explain RED TROUSERS RAH RAH RAH to a clueless Yank?
posted by languagehat at 5:58 PM on November 5 [+] [!]


Red trousers are worn by poshos. Yah?
posted by Thing at 5:59 PM on November 5 [+] [!]

languagehat, these dudes abound in CT also, simply abound.
posted by droplet at 8:08 PM on November 5, 2014

The main train lines from Scotland terminate at Euston - West Coast, ie Glasgow - and King's Cross - East Coast, ie Edinburgh - which bracket the Confused Scots bit. Although it should also include Uncomfortable Northerners.

To get the full effect, visit that area when some London sporting event involves a Scottish team. Or do as I do, and stay firmly indoors.
posted by Devonian at 8:39 PM on November 5, 2014 [1 favorite]

Fun pants facts: Red trousers went completely out of fashion in the English-speaking world during the first half of the 19th century, when they were adopted as the pants of the French military (partly to help support domestic and colonial madder industries). By the time all the revolutions and empires and Napoleons had settles down, it was too late: red trousers on men had become permanently unfashionable in England and America and, startlingly, have remained so for 150 years. They are simply TOO FRENCH and the only people who wear them are the sort of posh aristocrats or plutocrats who spend more time with the international elite than with their own culture, thus continually reinforcing red pants' power as a symbol of people who are powerful and wealthy, but unpatriotic, disengaged, or elitist. They are basically the Mitt Romney of pants. There's nothing WRONG with them, except that they only hang out with billionaires.

Men's fashion magazines have been trying to make red pants happen for several years now - esquire and GQ are ON IT - because men's fashion is in a dull and rather drab rut that's been ongoing since the 1850s or so. But they can't quite make the red pants catch on because they read as "clueless rich douche" in the English-speaking world because 150 years later, they are still TOO TERRIBLY FRENCH.

It's pretty unusual for an entire color of pants to fall so completely out of fashion and STAY fallen out for a century and a half, which speaks to some powerful cultural forces, and every GQ article on red pants being the must-have for this summer is shortly thereafter followed by analyses in more mainstream but literary-leaning outlet discussing Why Red Pants Can't Catch Fire.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:01 PM on November 5, 2014 [10 favorites]

I am honestly not sure if you are bullshitting, Eyebrows McGee, but I am totally going to pass that on to friends and acquaintences as being totally factual.
posted by Literaryhero at 11:01 PM on November 5, 2014 [1 favorite]

it should also include Uncomfortable Northerners

It has Northerers. I presume Northering is what Thing was doing upthread.
posted by Segundus at 11:32 PM on November 5, 2014

What's up with CONFUSED SCOTS around King's Cross St. Pancras?
Pour yessel ontae a wee train in Waverley for a quick kip when yer too blootered on Bucky to mind to get off at Dunbar: Kings Cross's where ye'll wake up wi a fuckin sare heid and one o they sassenach polis in a daft wee helmet tugging at yer oxters!

(The equivalent station for Northern-bound Londoners is, of course, Corrour. )
posted by rongorongo at 2:04 AM on November 6, 2014 [3 favorites]

I guess King's Cross is the Morden of the Scotland-London mainline?
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:21 AM on November 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

I'm simultaneously disappointed and relieved that this cuts off before it gets to my neighborhood. (I live south of Greenwich. The prime meridian runs right through the middle of my local train station. Neat!)
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:14 AM on November 6, 2014

I can confirm there are no friars, black or otherwise in Blackfriars.
posted by tommasz at 8:09 AM on November 6, 2014

It's a rip-off of this (warning: sweary).
posted by Mocata at 9:26 AM on November 6, 2014

I first saw one of these stereotypes maps applied to Denver. It is also terrifyingly accurate.

I mostly like the DC one too, although it's, uh, how do I say this? No, I guess I'll just say it. It was obviously created by white people.
posted by capricorn at 9:56 AM on November 6, 2014

Red Pants are definitely a thing among the upper-class Americans of the Northeast (the color is called "Nantucket Red" for a reason). I had sort of assumed the sudden attempt to make them a broader men's fashion item was copying the Nantucket set, but apparently it may be copying the British? Fascinating.

They are hideous pants, but wearing ugly pants is a tradition among certain types of preppy men.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:25 AM on November 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

Literaryhero: "I am honestly not sure if you are bullshitting, Eyebrows McGee, but I am totally going to pass that on to friends and acquaintences as being totally factual."

I'm totally not! For instance:

They have all the markings of what the public loathe at the moment: the pillaging banker, the cosy hedge-funder or worse, the Chelsea Foxtons estate agent. It wasn't always this way; red trousers have an illustrious history. A jazzy alternative to buff in the 15th century, scarlet breeches were a male sign of taste and status, remaining thus right through to Dr Johnson's London demimonde in the 18th century. Johnson noted in his diaries the "fashion to wear scarlet breeches", as opposed to women wearing red, which up to the 20th century suggested prostitution. On the continent, red trousers were the mainstay of the Napoleonic army, distinguishing them in battle and worn right up until world war one. They were also favoured by the Austro-Hungarian army, so even though we are all friends now, perhaps the negative association runs deep in the British DNA.

Surely metafilter has a fashion scholar somewhere who could dig up some great sources and history and do a kick-ass FPP ... I'm just a casual reader of the fashion press and there are seriously articles about "red pants are going to be a trend!" and "No they're not because Napoleon!" every single summer, and the history angle interested me and made it stick in my mind.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:37 AM on November 6, 2014 [2 favorites]

I am of the tribe "People Who Can't Afford to Live in London Bridge." This map is so terrifyingly accurate it hurts.
posted by Sonny Jim at 4:42 PM on November 6, 2014