February 4, 2002

10:26 AM

The ultimate nightmare?Hilarious discussion ensues when a poster to a messageboard describes an embarrassing little problem... No images, but probably not safe for work. (via Haddock)
posted by salmacis (20 comments total)

Why would you ever post that to a message board?

Poor bastard.
posted by SweetJesus at 10:29 AM on February 4, 2002

he could have made it up.
i'm just saying.
posted by moz at 10:31 AM on February 4, 2002

LOL!!!! Damn thats some funny shit. And you told the story so well too which leads me to believe its true so it makes it downright hilarious.

That about says it all right there.
posted by starvingartist at 10:40 AM on February 4, 2002

Quick and easy solution...
"HELP!!! MY HAND IS ATTACKING MY DICK!"

This is why I love the internet.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 10:47 AM on February 4, 2002

The post seems like the beginning of a USENET story, and is spelled about as well. Could this be the beginning of a Web-powered collaborative fiction experiment?
posted by tommasz at 10:53 AM on February 4, 2002

I had a very understanding Mom...she walked in on me, said, "Oh, excuse me," turned around and closed the door behind her as she left. Neither of us said a word about it afterward. But then, I was the fourth of five boys, so by then she might have already encountered a similar situation.

Now, having my johnson in my hand while I walk down the hall to answer the telephone...I think that would've been too PG-13 even for her.
posted by alumshubby at 10:59 AM on February 4, 2002

Don't you hate it when that happens...

I'm waiting for part 2, when the poster talks about the "stern talking-to" he recieved for looting his mother's pornographic stockpile.
posted by Dark Messiah at 11:02 AM on February 4, 2002

You know, on September 12, 2001 I was really busy worrying about other things.

But I'm glad to see humanity will survive.
posted by joemaller at 11:10 AM on February 4, 2002

But I'm glad to see humanity will survive.

Not the logical outcome of lesbian-porn masturbation, but ok.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:22 AM on February 4, 2002

Thank you, Mr. SpocKafkaesque.
posted by y2karl at 11:23 AM on February 4, 2002

Lay off my ears, biznatch.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:37 AM on February 4, 2002

If we don't spank off the lesbo-porn, the terror...ack!

***strangled by angry mob***
posted by adampsyche at 11:40 AM on February 4, 2002

softmicro suggests :

"get her [the mom] to suck it"


See, I'd never have even thought of that.
posted by dong_resin at 11:42 AM on February 4, 2002

the kid has obviously never watched seinfeld
posted by blackholebrain at 12:09 PM on February 4, 2002

mommy knows...what to do with it!
posted by bittennails at 12:17 PM on February 4, 2002

At least he wasn't using Glamour.
posted by gyc at 1:00 PM on February 4, 2002

the kid has obviously never watched seinfeld

I suspect that Seinfeld would be like Tolstoy to this bunch.

What would really be embarrassing would be to be one of these posters on this thread, confronted in about ten years time with the clever little profile details you included such as "Lick my ass you faggot" or "clownpenis.fart."
posted by BT at 1:04 PM on February 4, 2002

The scary part is that the guy is 24, according to his profile. No, wait, the scary part is that I looked at his profile. Never mind.
posted by apollo at 1:32 PM on February 4, 2002

24?
it says his bday is : "July 10th, 1987" making him a valiant 14 years old.
posted by Satapher at 4:03 PM on February 4, 2002

"the kid has obviously never watched seinfeld"

nor read a book.
posted by jcterminal at 9:16 AM on February 5, 2002