what happened when i wore a low-rise bikini
November 17, 2014 7:29 AM   Subscribe

 
I will never watch Star Wars the same way again.
posted by MrMoonPie at 8:03 AM on November 17, 2014 [5 favorites]


This heartens me after my trying-on-jeans fiasco of last week.
posted by JanetLand at 8:03 AM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


I am (happily) not surprised that the main reaction she (and the woman she referenced in her piece who wrote a similar article a few months ago) received was indifference. I live near some of the Southern California's more popular beach spots and go there with some regularity during the warmer months. While there is inevitably a fair share of beautiful people in attendance, there always seems to be a near equal amount of folks with regular, normal looking bodies with their share of fat, rolls, bellies, etc. and have never noticed anyone being mocked for it. I think people often tend to overestimate how much attention people actually pay to them.
posted by The Gooch at 8:09 AM on November 17, 2014 [13 favorites]


On a long ago (2000) visit to Naples, Italy, the beach scene there was full of families, including very large women in much, much skimpier bikinis. It surprised me, given general stereotypes about Italy, but I think past a certain age or maybe after kids are in the picture, many Italian women may just decide they're ready to do whatever they want. I'm a plus-size woman who has yet to dare a bikini, so it was startling but also pretty cool.
posted by PussKillian at 8:15 AM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


Main message? Get over yourself and just wear what you want to wear.
posted by ReeMonster at 8:23 AM on November 17, 2014 [9 favorites]


I think people often tend to overestimate how much attention people actually pay to them.
--
I think past a certain age or maybe after kids are in the picture, many Italian women may just decide they're ready to do whatever they want.


It could be that it takes us all a while to trust that most people in the world actually are not total jerks. It's always only a small number of jerks - one guy, or maybe two, who actually are the ones pointing and laughing.

Those jerks just really, really suck, though, so it takes a while to start not caring.

Although, maybe the thing we need is a sort of societal shift where "acting like a jerk" is the thing that people can get taunted for, because there are a lot of people who would probably be down with doing something about that.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:32 AM on November 17, 2014 [15 favorites]


Interesting that the first few comments to downplay the significance of this piece (to the writer) are men.

I thought it was a nicely written piece.

I'm a little surprised at the out-and-out in your face rudeness displayed by the people who chose to openly mock her for the *audacity* of being a larger woman wearing a bikini. I would have assumed people would snigger behind their hands or her back, but to just blatantly gape and laugh - horrid human beings.

She looks to happy in those pics. That was my first thought.
posted by Faintdreams at 8:33 AM on November 17, 2014 [5 favorites]


Having been on lots of European beaches, I wouldn't regard that choice of bikini on a woman of that body shape as anything out of the ordinary whatsoever. Throw a stick and you'll hit twenty of them. Wear what the hell you want, that's what I say.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 8:38 AM on November 17, 2014 [3 favorites]


I was at the beach in Florida a few weeks ago, and it didn't seem like people there were concerned about 'plus-sizes' there. Women of all sizes in bikinis, men of all sizes in Speedos...
A lot of skin in all flavors. No comments that I heard, just a feeling of 'this is what I'm wearing, because I want to'.
I agree with ReeMonster, although I acknowledge that that might be hard for some folks.
posted by MtDewd at 8:41 AM on November 17, 2014


Article: Some people mocked me, others obviously noticed me though without clear rancor. It was a little intimidating.
Dudes: I see women like this all the time. I look at them with my eyes and pay special attention to them. I can name where and when I have seen overweight women wearing bikinis. So, nobody cares, this is such a overreaction!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:45 AM on November 17, 2014 [51 favorites]


I'm having confusing feelings because, yeah, obviously, wear what you want. She looks great and happy and confident, and in general when I see plus-sized women in bikinis I feel if anything a touch of jealousy, because I'm a size ten and have never in my adult life worn a bikini in public. I can't fathom doing it now or ever. And that sucks! I don't even really know why, because in my head I know the small percentage of people who will be dicks about someone else's appearance will do so whether that person is in a bikini or a sweater and jeans. But it's a hard thing, that social pressure to look a certain way. I wish I didn't feel like it was such a big deal.
posted by something something at 8:46 AM on November 17, 2014 [4 favorites]


Frankly, it would only take one person, once in my life, calling me a cow to make me uncomfortable at the beach basically forever.
posted by JanetLand at 8:47 AM on November 17, 2014 [47 favorites]


I think she looks nice. FWIW.
posted by jonmc at 8:53 AM on November 17, 2014 [13 favorites]


That was an interesting, well-written article. And she looks gorgeous in that bikini. I will probably never be brave enough to do that though. I prefer to feel covered up. I feel sad for people who are so insecure they need to tear others down.
posted by bleep at 8:53 AM on November 17, 2014


Article: Some people mocked me, others obviously noticed me though without clear rancor. It was a little intimidating.
Dudes: I see women like this all the time. I look at them with my eyes and pay special attention to them. I can name where and when I have seen overweight women wearing bikinis. So, nobody cares, this is such a overreaction!


This seems like an incredibly ungenerous (and largely inaccurate) paraphrase of the comments here. I mean, from TFA:
There were hundreds, if not thousands of people at Formentor on this day. Out of these thousands, only a handful seemed to notice me. Had I not been actively seeking them out with my partner (who kept at a reasonable distance to also observe people observing me), I might not have even noticed them. And that is kind of an amazing thing.
posted by The Gooch at 8:59 AM on November 17, 2014 [3 favorites]


That Gooch, I got the idea Potomac Avenue was commenting on the article comments, not Mefi's.
posted by IAmBroom at 9:07 AM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


I am really enjoying the post content + username synergy on this one.
posted by Dynex at 9:10 AM on November 17, 2014 [6 favorites]


I think it's going to take a lot of people willing to brave the potential harassment of strangers in order to arrive at a culture that is more accepting of a variety of body types.

Good for her, maybe somebody an experiment like this won't be even remotely noteworthy because people won't feel compelled to bodyshame others. I'm not completely confident that I'll see such a future but let's be honest who wants a a future where we all conform to accepted standards of beauty rather than celebrating our differences.
posted by vuron at 9:11 AM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


I kinda wish she had responded to the Spanish-speaking girls in Spanish. Wouldn't have mattered what she said, just as long as they were guilt-induced in the process.
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 9:16 AM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


I've been very surprised by the number of heavy women in bikinis (and even in one-piece suits that don't have skirts or jogger shorts) I've seen on beaches in Connecticut. Heck, I'm surprised by the number of young women with some belly fat that I see in bikinis. Growing up in the Midwest, you just didn't wear a bikini unless you had an absolutely flat stomach. I like that it's different here and now--but I know I would never get past that and will likely never wear anything but a swimdress. I give the writer props for doing what she did (and I thought she looked nice).
posted by dlugoczaj at 9:22 AM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Main message? Get over yourself and just wear what you want to wear.

But that's the thing, innit? What one wants to wear is not separable from the anticipated reactions of others, neither from one's own self-judging.

Add a little gender non-conformity to the fat-shaming, and what one wants is to never think about bikinis again. Not all the ones, but this one.
posted by allthinky at 9:24 AM on November 17, 2014 [13 favorites]


One of my favorite Seinfeld moments was in the episode when Elaine brings Frank Costanza to the Korean nail place so he can translate what they're saying and he goes toe to toe with them! Haha..
posted by ReeMonster at 9:25 AM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Right, I wasn't trying to paraphrase any particular person in this thread. It is a typical reaction to articles like this, definitely happening more in the comments over yonder. However, my paraphrase of the article is correct I think. She was a little intimidated, but chose to see the overall neutral reaction as a positive thing. Precisely why the "Get Over Yourself" chorus is particularly unnecessary.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:28 AM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


I look like the author and I do this regularly. Some beaches are snotty (I'm looking at you, San Diego!) and some don't care at all.

Fuck the haters. I love sun.
posted by small_ruminant at 10:02 AM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Main message? Get over yourself and just wear what you want to wear.

It's not that you just have to get over yourself, it's you have to get over the comments and reactions of other people, which can be damaging to one's mental health - leading to fear of what other people will say. The author was pleasantly surprised to discover her fear was bigger than reality, but that's what a lifetime of constant social messages and comments - or just the right comment at the right time - can do to a person. Confronting one's fears and anxieties can be one of the hardest things in the world to do, no matter what they are.

I'd much rather applaud her bravery and her message of encouragement to others than minimize it.
posted by barchan at 10:23 AM on November 17, 2014 [16 favorites]


a huge difference in how they're perceived in beach towns

Even beach towns vary. I've never been in a more image conscious town than San Diego (even Hollywood seemed more laid back) but if you go to a beach in Hawaii bikinis aren't any big thing, no matter what your size or age.
posted by small_ruminant at 10:39 AM on November 17, 2014


She reminded me of Hilda.
posted by infinitelives at 10:45 AM on November 17, 2014 [4 favorites]


Maybe I'll even consider getting a two-piece myself!

You should totally do it! When I decided to get a two-piece because I realized women get criticized no matter what they wear, I had so much more fun doing things instead of worrying about how my suit looked. The biggest thing is to get one that fits you and you feel physically comfortable wearing.

On the rare occasion I hear a comment about my own personal hang-up, I smile sweetly at the offending person and then fart as loudly as possible.
posted by barchan at 10:59 AM on November 17, 2014 [12 favorites]


Before I got up the nerve to start wearing a bikini, I had some weird internalized sexism type thoughts about them, and so for the benefit of anyone who has not worn one: it turns out they are way more comfortable than a full bathing suit. It feels nice to have water on your skin, instead of Lycra that fills up with air bubbles and smushes your body all weird.
posted by velebita at 11:01 AM on November 17, 2014 [9 favorites]


The problem with bikinis is that they don't stay on very well if you are active in the water. They're only good for loafing, not for swimming.

I wore bikinis as a teenager because I was tall and the more expensive long torso suits were not in the family budget. Swimming was an endless battle to keep one half of my suit or the other from sliding off. If you are relatively flat-chested you can't keep the top in place. The bottoms doesn't stay in place regardless of body type. Not to mention the hijinks of brothers and similarly jerky teenage boys. Who are equal-opportunity sadists; they don't have to fat shame you to point and laugh at your nakedness.

I've never worn a bikini as an adult, because as an adult I buy clothes that fit comfortably and work well for their intended purpose. Which to me means a one-piece suit.
posted by elizilla at 11:29 AM on November 17, 2014 [3 favorites]



Main message? Get over yourself and just wear what you want to wear.


I don't even understand what "Get Over Yourself" is supposed to mean in this context.
posted by zutalors! at 11:37 AM on November 17, 2014 [5 favorites]


I think the main message is actually "Get over other people and leave them alone."
posted by bleep at 12:07 PM on November 17, 2014


barchan: On the rare occasion I hear a comment about my own personal hang-up, I smile sweetly at the offending person and then fart as loudly as possible.
MarrymenowIwillbearyourchildrenifitistechnologicallypossibleatanypointinthefuture.
posted by IAmBroom at 12:20 PM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


Barchan, you are so wonderful.
posted by Hermione Granger at 12:39 PM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


I appreciate her bravery. I wonder what the reception would have been if she wasn't so pretty, so young, or so hourglassy. (If she's allowed to speculate about low-rise versus high waist, I'm allowed to speculate about other potentially mitigating factors. Admittedly, I'm not putting my money where my speculation is, because I'm not going to bikini up for the experiment. Not only because of body shame but because I don't want to expose that much skin to the terrible Australian sun. I would wear a tent to the beach if it weren't so hard to swim in.)
posted by gingerest at 12:47 PM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Can we please not turn this into a "Health at Any Size" debate? Perhaps the people who are trying to could step back and look at the brazillion concern-trolling pages already on the internet about Health at Any Size?
posted by fiercecupcake at 1:59 PM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


Problem: Some strangers mock you openly in public
Solution: Get over yourself


????????????
posted by FirstMateKate at 4:41 PM on November 17, 2014 [10 favorites]


It sucks that it ever happens like she described, but I've never heard anyone saying anything like "look at the fatty" on a beach in any country I've been to. I've definitely heard groups of teenagers saying shitting things to each other, but never someone saying it to (or about, loudly enough for others to hear) a stranger.

I don't go often, but my favorite are the kinds of clothing-optional beaches that have lots of leathery older people, families, and all kinds of other mixed up groups. Everyone looks totally different naked, and yet it all starts looking the same pretty quickly.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:44 PM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


I loved this bit - towards the very end of the piece. A simple, empathic and thoughtful insight - other people have it worse:

Another note: As we were preparing to leave the beach, my partner got cold. The only thing available to wear was the dress I had had on that morning. Being the sort of guy he is, he didn’t mind putting it on, prioritizing warmth over fashion or gender roles. And as we walked to the parking lot, he received more stares, laughs, and visible horror than I did in the whole day. One woman did a double take, looking at him so intently and with such a disgusted gaze that, for a moment, I thought she might vomit. This wasn’t supposed to be part of the experiment, but it did make me remember that many people have it worse than us fatties. It can be hard to keep that in mind when you’re being pointed at or bullied or told you are worthless. I don’t know what people thought Patrick was doing. Perhaps they labeled him a cross-dresser or a transgender person, and that was enough to spark their interest and hatred.
posted by Jody Tresidder at 5:00 PM on November 17, 2014 [8 favorites]


I'm a size 12/14 and I wear bikinis. It was going to beaches in Europe - where women of all shapes and sizes not only wear bikinis but go topless - to get used to it. It didn't take very long for me to go from envying their seeming unselfconsciousness to "fuck it, why not" and joining in. And once you've gone topless on the beach...it's hard to go back. Because there is not much that feels as good as the warm sun and breeze on your skin. Do people look at me or make fun of me? I have no idea and I don't really care. Because I love being in the sun and if people don't like to see me that's their problem and they are more than welcome to not look at me while I'm kickin back and enjoying my summertime sun.
posted by triggerfinger at 5:15 PM on November 17, 2014 [5 favorites]


It sucks that it ever happens like she described, but I've never heard anyone saying anything like "look at the fatty" on a beach in any country I've been to. I've definitely heard groups of teenagers saying shitting things to each other, but never someone saying it to (or about, loudly enough for others to hear) a stranger.

Me neither, but this comment made me realize what I'm finding off about the experiment -- the paucity of people saying things directly to her or loudly enough for her to hear does not mean that no one was saying anything or that no one was judging her.

Many many many people are perfectly willing to make nasty comments, in public, about how fat people should cover themselves. It's not like people, especially women, are inventing the idea that other people often have negative reactions to fat people, especially women, wearing revealing clothing.
posted by jaguar at 6:17 PM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


Am I the only one who clicked through to the article and was surprised at how skinny she is?
posted by Room 641-A at 8:21 PM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


I guess it's because I've spent a lot of time on Mediterranean and southern CA beaches but she looked totally normal to me. Go to the Med early in the morning and you'll be surrounded by topless women in their 80s and not ones in cute eyeglasses and lipstick either. No one cares, it's the beach!
posted by fshgrl at 9:35 PM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


I'm plenty more fat than her. The first time I went to Jamaica, I went for a walk with my petite slender friend and a man observed, "Two ladies, one fat and one slim. Me take the fat one." I felt gorgeous the whole time I was there.

Even here in the US, I've never had anyone gack with revulsion at my size while swimming. On the street, full dressed, well, that's another story.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 12:00 AM on November 18, 2014 [3 favorites]


The problem with bikinis is that they don't stay on very well if you are active in the water. They're only good for loafing, not for swimming.

I beg to differ. I am active when I get in the water and while I do have a problem with some ill-fitting bikinis, the majority stay where they are supposed to. I have found that ties on the bottom are better for keeping the bottoms in place (and because my wide hips and flat butt cause unadjustable bottoms to just come right off) and closures for the tops tend to be more secure.
posted by LizBoBiz at 6:34 AM on November 18, 2014


while I do have a problem with some ill-fitting bikinis, the majority stay where they are supposed to.

Yup. There are bikinis for lounging about in a sexy-like manner, and then there are bikinis suitable for swimming laps or anything else.
posted by small_ruminant at 10:30 PM on November 18, 2014


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