February 6, 2002

9:13 AM

Tiffany goes Topless80's teen pop sensation Tiffany will appear in a photo spread in an upcoming issue of Playboy. She says "it's time the world realizes she's no longer 18 but a wife and mother."
posted by Lanternjmk (54 comments total)

It's more likely the world will go "Who is Tiffany?"
posted by srboisvert at 9:22 AM on February 6, 2002

but will there be a mall tour?
posted by machaus at 9:22 AM on February 6, 2002

"but will there be a mall tour?"

a man can dream...
posted by jcterminal at 9:25 AM on February 6, 2002

The current issue offers a sneak peak of the redhead, who underwent breast augmentation surgery, her publicist said.

"I have grown significantly, both personally and professionally...," Tiffany said

She apparently forgot to add "anatomically."
posted by pardonyou? at 9:26 AM on February 6, 2002

And in a million locked bathrooms across America, the phrase "Oh Tiffany, I think we're alone now" could be heard...
posted by mathowie at 9:26 AM on February 6, 2002

I'm a wife and mother. I'll make you realize that by being naked.

Oh. I guess that makes sense.

Or not.
posted by jmcmurry at 9:27 AM on February 6, 2002

This is great. I hope every wife and mother across the nation follow her example and decide to get nekkid.
posted by bradth27 at 9:29 AM on February 6, 2002

It's only a matter of time before Britney goes that route. And then, the big mystery will finally be solved.
posted by ratbastard at 9:31 AM on February 6, 2002

Here's my million dollar idea of the day (steal it if you'd like, but gimme a cut):

A company that photographs celebrities at the peak of their popularity, naked--of course. Those photos are then locked away, unpublished. Then, when the celebrity passes their 15 minutes, you can see photos of them from their prime, not their waning moments.

Hey, who wouldn't wanna see photos of Ms. Spears in ten years or so?
posted by ColdChef at 9:34 AM on February 6, 2002

And shortly thereafter, the nation swiveled an expectant gaze in the direction of Debbie Gibson.
posted by Skot at 9:35 AM on February 6, 2002

Tiffany performed at The Chambersburg Area Senior High School's Trojans Stadium in about '88. She was one of only three celebrities to ever visit my hometown.

The other two were Dale Evans and Meredith Baxter Birney.

I preferred Dale Evans.
posted by evanizer at 9:38 AM on February 6, 2002

Ahh, Playboy. The last ditch attempt at avoiding bankruptcy.

But yeah, the good news is maybe some day Britney will do it.
posted by bondcliff at 9:38 AM on February 6, 2002

oh, hang on a minute... where am I again?
posted by DaRiLo at 9:40 AM on February 6, 2002

"Here's my million dollar idea of the day (steal it if you'd like, but gimme a cut)..."

actually, i read that idea in doonesbury the other day. i'd link it, but i'm lazy. :P
posted by jcterminal at 9:44 AM on February 6, 2002

this just in from the "who gives a rat's ass" department?
posted by zoopraxiscope at 9:45 AM on February 6, 2002

Hey, DaRiLo,

Looks like your .gif is farked up.
posted by brittney at 9:45 AM on February 6, 2002

What? Where? Who? Damn, now I remember where I posted that Kottke link...
posted by DaRiLo at 9:50 AM on February 6, 2002

ColdChef- How about a swimsuit calendar full of beautiful babes with genius IQ's for the thinking man?

Wait a minute, "Girls of Metafilter: the calendar!" Interested parties please call for appointments.
posted by jonmc at 9:51 AM on February 6, 2002

[Tiffany] says "it's time the world realizes she's no longer 18 but a wife and mother."

And in desperate need of some cash. Now, when Belinda Carlisle spread 'em for Playboy -- that was somethin'!

Remember Bob Guccione's boast in the early '90s that on a New Year's Eve "very soon" he would broadcast a Pay-Per-View foxy-boxing match between Debbie Gibson and Tiffany?
posted by KLAX at 9:58 AM on February 6, 2002

I guess those stretch marks would be a clue that she's a mother.
posted by allpaws at 10:04 AM on February 6, 2002

I'd pay to watch Britney Spears wrestle a pissed off Kodiak bear, I suppose.
Naked.
posted by dong_resin at 10:07 AM on February 6, 2002

jonmc: Can we have a Boys of MeFi calendar too? Alongside the Girls of MeFi calendar, we could roll in a bundle for MeFi. Who are some good candidates? Anyone willing? If dong_resin appears, I want him in assless leather chaps.
posted by evanizer at 10:14 AM on February 6, 2002

[Tiffany] says "it's time the world realizes she's no longer 18 but a wife and mother."

wtf? why? who cares?

it is time that the world realizes certain things, yes, but this is definitely not one of them.
posted by skinjob at 10:17 AM on February 6, 2002

My favorite juxtaposition (and suspension of reason):

The current issue offers a sneak peak of the redhead, who underwent breast augmentation surgery...

"I view my appearance in Playboy as the first step in presenting myself to the world as I am."

Does anyone have statistics on the probability that those who opt for breast-augmentation will eventually bare their chests in public? I would bet it's somewhere in the 70-80% range.

I wouldn't mind except that nearly every boob job I've seen looks like some sort of horrible inhuman disfiguration.

Tiffany aside, Playboy featuring celebrities from 15 years ago isn't any different than Pottery Barn playing music from 15 years ago. There is a cycle of consumerism, and nostalgia for adolescence seems to be great for sales. The phonetic nexus of this behavior will occur sometime around 2018 when todays teens find themselves discussing throw rugs as N'Sync's Bye Bye Bye fills the space between their words.

trying to recover this thread...
posted by joemaller at 10:17 AM on February 6, 2002

this is greatness:
from the cnn article:

"Marose described Tiffany as "a very religious person," but said she had no moral problems with doing the spread."

now what religion is this?
posted by doodlebug at 10:27 AM on February 6, 2002

*slaps boney, chalky white, half-Scottish ass*

I aims to please, evanizer.
posted by dong_resin at 10:27 AM on February 6, 2002

joe's actually correct. Luc Sante said that nostalgia for a certain era coinicdes with people who were children in that era attaining positions of influence. So now the eighties kids get to realize their teenage fantasies.
I'm just a little upset that they passed over my childhood and we didn't get centerfolds of Lynda Carter and Catherine Bach.

evanizer - Ok, Boys of MeFi too, but no assless chaps for me. Perhaps a peekaboo plaid flannel shirt, though...
posted by jonmc at 10:28 AM on February 6, 2002

dong_resin: which half is Scottish?
posted by ODiV at 10:56 AM on February 6, 2002

The pale blue one.
posted by dong_resin at 11:07 AM on February 6, 2002

Here's the official line, from, err, Tiffany herself.

***

Hello all, I hope your New Year's was good! Mine was fun, I spent the evening at the Guns and Roses concert in Vegas (well Axle Rose and his band, not sure you can call that Guns and Roses). But it was a lot of fun, and I got to hang out with Pink. She's very cool and I LOVE her new album, I think you should all check it out if you haven't already.

So, there are a lot of things being said (not just on this list) and a lot of rumors swirling around and I'm here to set a few things straight. I guess I should first get the big one out of the way. Yes, I will be on the next cover of Playboy. I believe it hits news stands on or around March first. I'm sorry for the secrecy and for not keeping you all up to speed, but the truth is I could not talk about it. Legally and contractually. If I wrote anything in that time about what was going on I felt like I would be lying to you, and I promised never to do that. The reasons I decided to do this are all pretty simple. I think someone on this list said it best when they described me as "forever just a mall queen" or something to that affect. The simple truth is this, contrary to the belief that if I were to just "hand over a copy of my album and all the positive reviews" to a major label, they would take it. Not the case, actually I think almost every label out there has had this album come across their desk's at least once. It came down to the fact that it all looked good on paper, but the sad truth was signing me was just not "cool". I was told that I was not "cool" and that my image was just too hard to break.

So about six months ago, right before my trip to Asia, this offer came in. It was taken very lightly at first, Actually we all had a big laugh over it. But then every time I sat down with Ron, Jeff and Brad this "Playboy" thing kept coming up. And every time we thought about it, we laughed a little less. I thought if this can't break the image nothing can. But I do promise not to use the whole "I think the woman's body is nothing to be ashamed of" speech. Although I do believe that to be true, I think it would be a cop out. And honestly, I thought it might be fun to shake things up a little, do something different. I am so proud of these pictures and LOVE the way they came out. They are tasteful and fun, and I really hope you like them as much as I do. This may sound bad, but I think I look really HOT! hahahahahahaha...

So now hopefully you can understand a little more. Playboy is not quick. This whole thing has taken months and that is why after Asia there was little out of our mouths. And as for future updates, we are redoing the web site... actually we are doing a whole new web site that should be up around the 15th of Feb. All new pictures, all new everything (and the e-mail button should actually work this time. Sorry about that) We have a lot of fun things coming up, and that will all be posted there, including an appearance on The View... So please bare with me. I love you guys and respect your opinions very much, I'm sure a lot of you will have strong feelings about this both good and bad, and that's cool. But please try to be a little kinder to each other. Opinions are great because we are all free to have them, but some of the posts on here are a bit much, don't ya think?

On a quick side note, I really want to stress that I wrote to this list, not because of the post's bashing me and my management, but because I said before that as soon as there is news to report I would tell you all first. And I also want to give a shout to Jolene. Thank you for keeping the list going, even when it seemed that there wasn't
much reason to.

love, Tiffany

I can assure you that this letter is real. She's had a lot of time to think about what she wanted to say, and came into her office to write it. Thank you all again for the support.


Jeff Jones
Rand Management

***

Utter indifference aside, you've got to give her props for at least admitting the REAL reasons why she's doing it and not hiding behind some "I'm doing it because nudity is high art" claptrap.

Also note: "please bare with me" (heh heh heh.)
posted by Aphex Kid at 11:11 AM on February 6, 2002

ColdChef- How about a swimsuit calendar full of beautiful babes with genius IQ's for the thinking man?

We'll have to wait a few years until these two will be old enough to be included.
posted by ColdChef at 11:13 AM on February 6, 2002

How about a swimsuit calendar full of beautiful babes with genius IQ's for the thinking man?

As in Woddy Allen's Whore of Mensa?
posted by adampsyche at 11:17 AM on February 6, 2002

We'll have to wait a few years until these two will be old enough to be included.

For one cold, dark second, I thought that link was going to take me here.

posted by aaron at 11:26 AM on February 6, 2002

joemaller: The resuscitation of leg warmers, rubber bracelets, and scrunched, low-heeled black leather boots...I comprehend. The strains of the Human League, Buggles, and the Bangles being sung at a karaoke bar are fine by me, too. Nekkid Tiffany is '80's revival gone too far. Next thing you know we'll be in a recession, the stock market will be abysmal, and we'll be waging war overseas. ;)

evanizer: I nominate mathowie on a stack of pancakes for Mr. December. Links on the side? Hee.
posted by mosspink at 11:44 AM on February 6, 2002

aaron: Just so you don't feel alone, the MK&A thought flashed in my mind, too. {shudders}
posted by mosspink at 11:45 AM on February 6, 2002

So please bare with me.

Har Har...
posted by plaino at 11:53 AM on February 6, 2002

Tiffany is a strange case. I seem to recall that she was ridiculed from the moment she appeared. People seem to take the dreaded Britney (owillis will be here any second) much more seriously than they did the Tiffster from the start. But where do you go when even baring your plasticine bosom cannot salvage your career? And I wonder whether it will include some pseudo lesbianism ala Vanessa Williams in the '80 Penthouse. Or doen't Playboy do those sort of spreads? Shall we say I'm not a regular reader.

evanizer: I nominate mathowie on a stack of pancakes for Mr. December. Links on the side? Hee.

That is genius.

Yes, mosspink. I was thinking that too, but with all the current anti-pancake rhetoric around here lately, I was too timid to mention it.

But now that the subject has been broached, how 'bout it, bossman?

Do you want syrup on your Haughey?
posted by evanizer at 12:22 PM on February 6, 2002

Sign me up for the calendar! I'll be a Womang of MeFi. Just make sure I get a winter month so I can be all bundled up in clothes like the little brother in A Christmas "You'll shootcher eye out, kid!" Story.
I can't put my arms down!!!!
Then I'm all over it. rowr!
posted by verso at 12:56 PM on February 6, 2002

Is a "womang" anything like a siamang?
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:02 PM on February 6, 2002

People were down on Tiffany from the start because they saw her as a Debbie Gibson ripoff. Plus Tiffany came off as a bit more trailer-trashy, which didn't help.

aaron: Just so you don't feel alone, the MK&A thought flashed in my mind, too. {shudders}

It's not the thought of them posing (once they're no longer jailbait) itself that's so disgusting (though I personally find them a bit skanky); we all know at least one of them is going to do it, because she'll have to in order to jumpstart her career. You can't be a teen girl's teen girl when you're in your mid-20s. It was the connection of the Pubescent Pair to the term "genius IQs" that scared me.

posted by aaron at 1:10 PM on February 6, 2002

She emerged from obscurity in 2000 to release her first U.S. album in 10 years, "The Color Of Silence."

Puuuuurleease. Is this the worst album title ever? (aside from obvious mis-spelling of the word colour.)
Do you think they'd spell it "colour" for a european release. I'm not buying it if they don't.
posted by Spoon at 1:28 PM on February 6, 2002

She emerged from obscurity in 2000 to release her first U.S. album in 10 years, "The Color Of Silence."

Puuuuurleease. Is this the worst album title ever? (aside from obvious mis-spelling of the word colour.)
Do you think they'd spell it "colour" for a european release. I'm not buying it if they don't.
posted by Spoon at 1:28 PM on February 6, 2002

I still think the Olsen kids look like gibbons.
posted by dong_resin at 1:30 PM on February 6, 2002

So please bare with me.

Not until I get some augmentation surgery of my own, Tiff.
posted by briank at 1:50 PM on February 6, 2002

> we all know at least one of them is going to do it,

aaron, aaron, you're not thinking. Who says a well known child performer has to grow up to be a movie star? Bear in mind that the Golden State has two senators.
posted by jfuller at 2:56 PM on February 6, 2002

Save yourself the six bucks or whatever an issue costs, and go here to see Tif's store-bought mams. And more.

Do I need to point out that link is definitely not work-safe?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:48 PM on February 6, 2002

Augmentation is evil.
posted by aramaic at 5:49 PM on February 6, 2002

Wait. I never saw my wife or my mother in Playboy.

Hopefully this will be the shot in the arm to her career that it was for Farrah Fawcette a couple of years ago.
posted by glenwood at 6:21 PM on February 6, 2002

now what religion is this?

According to her VH1 "Behind the Music" Tiffany is some flavour of born-again Christian. I'm not sure which flavour, however, has no problem with prurient nudity.

Forgive me for knowing this, I'm addicted to Behind the Music. I need a 12-step group.
posted by Dreama at 6:21 PM on February 6, 2002

joemaller:

The phonetic nexus of this behavior will occur sometime around 2018 when todays teens find themselves discussing throw rugs as N'Sync's Bye Bye Bye fills the space between their words.

Exactly, and more: My psychic flash of the day tells me that the ever-steeper curve of nostalgia-self-exploitation-demand (along with our happy slide into pure slavering depravity) mean that, in the 2018 Pottery Barn catalog, the throw rugs would be displayed with a fortyish, naked Lance Bass sprawled upon them.

You think it sounds awful, but the nanorobots in your bloodstream will help you adjust nicely.
posted by BT at 7:27 PM on February 6, 2002

That's askn' an assload of the nanobots, BT.
posted by dong_resin at 8:03 PM on February 6, 2002

I've noticed that the "nostalgia" trend seems to run in cycles of 20 years. Evidence: "Happy Days" and "Grease" reminisced fondly about the 1950s -- in the mid and late 70s. In the mid-to-late 80s, the media was obsessed with the 60s -- returning to Woodstock, Boomers turning into mid-lifers, etc. In the mid to late 90s, we were assaulted with "That 70s Show" and blessed with "Freaks & Geeks." Now, as we enter the "double aughts" (2001-2010), we are being subjected to "That 80s Show." See -- the 20-year cycle has been broken -- the 80s show is just a bit too early to ride the nostalgia wave and will die soon. The music of the 80s is suitable for flashback, but seeing it on TV is just something we aren't ready for. My theory (hardly novel, but I thought of it years ago) is that the TV execs and media players, 20 years after reaching adolescence, are finally in positions of power in TV, radio, music, etc., and simply recalling their youth. Get ready -- in the year 2015, we'll be watching "That 90s Show!"

On a related note: When Tiffany's "I Think We're Alone Now" was at the top of the charts in 1987, what do you suppose was right behind her at #2? Why, Billy Idol's "Mony, Mony!" Both songs from Tommy James & The Shondells, mid-late 60s monster hits.
posted by davidmsc at 10:14 PM on February 6, 2002

When Malcolm in the Middle premiered, I jumped off the couch at the theme song. That TMBG could be playing on national prime time TV signified that my generation was in charge. well, of some things.
posted by mdn at 7:17 AM on February 7, 2002

I still think the Olsen kids look like gibbons.
posted by dong_resin

i need an acronym for the strange laughter that burst out of me upon reading that.
posted by th3ph17 at 6:00 PM on February 7, 2002