Joyeaux Noel, Y'all
December 12, 2014 8:21 AM   Subscribe

 
Applicable, obligatory XKCD link...
posted by Melismata at 8:24 AM on December 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


We are occasional users of Soma FM and they started putting their Xmas stations on the station list around Halloween. HALLOWEEN.

(To be fair, I love their weird Xmas station. I like weird Xmas songs. And they added an alternative Christmas music station too.)
posted by Kitteh at 8:31 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


Data driven jingle bells
posted by oceanjesse at 8:31 AM on December 12, 2014


I now use it as a sort of malediction or curse:


Felice Nativitatis Ludentibus In Caput Tuum
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:34 AM on December 12, 2014 [6 favorites]


I suppose this means no one wants to listen to my Nerd Christmas playlist?

That's okay. I plan to stick Christmas on the Moon on loop from about the 22nd onwards.
posted by Katemonkey at 8:35 AM on December 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


I have a seven year old who is in a Spanish immersion program.
That's why I hear it everyday.
I can't imagine turning on a radio to a station that plays nothing but Xmas music. Sounds like a seasonal hell.
posted by Seamus at 8:38 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


There's actually a pretty good article about how the newest Christmas standard could be a song that was originally part of an extra-silly SNL sketch. Which would delight me greatly - in part because finally something new.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:38 AM on December 12, 2014 [6 favorites]


The SNL song has a dude playing an A-stick dulcitar.
Just for that, it's my favorite Xmas song.
posted by Seamus at 8:40 AM on December 12, 2014


From hell's heart I stab at thee... ye damn Yule.
posted by Behemoth at 8:42 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


Applicable, obligatory XKCD link...

WHAT ABOUT ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU? THAT IS ONE OF THE GREATEST SONGS! I heard a cover of it in some store the other day and I was pissed as fuck. When I am God Emperor as decreed in the prophecies one rule will be that no one may play covers of that song because Mariah Carey fucking OWNS IT and it is such a good song that when I hear "other versions" of it I will sing along BUT I will be super fucking grumpy that it's not the real version as ordained by the deity of your choice.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 8:42 AM on December 12, 2014 [9 favorites]


P'shaw....

truly the greatest
posted by kokaku at 8:45 AM on December 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


WHAT ABOUT ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU? THAT IS ONE OF THE GREATEST SONGS!

RTFA. All I want for Christmas doesn't even hit the Top 20 in airplay on holiday formats. Maybe in the adult contemporary rotation but not overall.
posted by Talez at 8:49 AM on December 12, 2014


I avoid the dreaded Navidad by never turning on an actual radio. Satellite or online stations only. Sirius graciously puts the Xmas stuff all one station. But mostly I'm listening to Santastic this year.
posted by emjaybee at 8:56 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


Merry Christmas from the Family.
posted by MonkeyToes at 8:57 AM on December 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


So long as it's not "Wonderful Christmastime"

"SIIIIIIM-PLY HAAAAAA-VING" *stabs ears with spoon*
posted by leotrotsky at 8:59 AM on December 12, 2014 [15 favorites]


I haven't found a radio station that plays songs off "Bollocks to Christmas" including more than one gem from Frank Sidebottom.

I rolled this one out this week while making beer in the garage. Good times, but I think I may be done with holiday music for the year already. At least until New Years rolls around I gotta play the UK Subs version of Auld Lang Syne. But this week, I laughed my ass off for the first time in a long while. Maybe being a bit drunky helped.

Anyway, re XKCD, what demographic doesn't spend the holidays trying to recreate their childhood? Is my peer group's playing of Christmas in Hollis any better?
posted by Seamus at 9:03 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


Emergency ear-cleansing tune: bouncy, fun version of White Christmas by the Drifters, featuring supertenor Clyde McPhatter.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 9:04 AM on December 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


So long as it's not "Wonderful Christmastime"

Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong.
posted by Talez at 9:06 AM on December 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


WHAT ABOUT ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU? THAT IS ONE OF THE GREATEST SONGS!

Do you mean that one that goes

"Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas,
Christmas Christmas in your ear
Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas,
Christmas Christmas Christmas tree..."

sung by Mariah "Squeaky" Carey?

...I'm not a fan.
posted by Foosnark at 9:06 AM on December 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


WHAT ABOUT ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU? THAT IS ONE OF THE GREATEST SONGS!

RTFA. All I want for Christmas doesn't even hit the Top 20 in airplay on holiday formats. Maybe in the adult contemporary rotation but not overall.


It's apparently the number one song on Spotify, though, which tells you something about Spotify's demographics.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 9:08 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


I came in here to dump on Wonderful Christmastime, but a bunch of you beat me to it and OH GOD NOW ITS IN MY HEAD
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:09 AM on December 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


As far as the XKCD thing goes, Christmas seems generally like a time for rampant nostalgia. The 30's Coca-Cola Santa. The old songs. The old shows and movies. Heirloom (or just old) ornaments. Getting together with family, many of whom are old people we don't see much for the rest of the year. That 15 year old fruitcake that keeps getting regifted.
posted by Foosnark at 9:09 AM on December 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


I prefer my modern Christmas songs to be a little more melancholy and low key.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:09 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


I can't imagine turning on a radio to a station that plays nothing but Xmas music. Sounds like a seasonal hell.

The hotel I'm staying in had a faintly embarrassing "turning on the Christmas lights" thing last weekend, and it has been carols on the muzak ever since. Jingle Bell Rock, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, White Christmas, the whole nine yards.

I do not need this at breakfast at 7am, and am so glad I am checking out tomorrow...
posted by 43rdAnd9th at 9:10 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


In the end, no one — aside from our nation’s major retailers, television networks and moms — is forcing anyone to listen to holiday music. But the main reason for the tunes’ ubiquity is that people want to hear them.
WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? Somebody please make a documentary about them so I can understand exactly who thinks 24/7 Christmas pablum is so goddamned wonderful that stores are now rolling it out on November 1. Suspicion: they're the same people who respond to spam.
posted by usonian at 9:10 AM on December 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


I have no problem with most of this (I like Christmas music, though my tastes in it are a little broader), but I do want to find whoever is responsible for pulling Dominic the Donkey out of its deserved dark chamber of mothbolls and regret and putting that back into circulation, and make them listen to it incessantly for a month.
posted by Miko at 9:13 AM on December 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


The one good thing I can say about Christmas music this year is I have not yet heard "Santa Baby," "Baby It's Cold Outside," or the McCartney travesty.

(I did go to an industrial show Monday night though, so it's possible it was playing somewhere Tuesday and I just couldn't tell.)
posted by Foosnark at 9:13 AM on December 12, 2014


This is a really interesting article! I love the fact that Spotify needs an algorithm to identify what is a Christmas song, so it doesn't accidentally play it at the wrong time of year. And I love this:
The discovery algorithm searches for situations when the popularity of a song rises substantially faster than the popularity of the song’s artist. This becomes a problem in November, because Spotify starts seeing “Home for the Holidays” crooner Perry Como — who has been dead for 13 years — suddenly start behaving like an indie band out of Portland, Oregon, that’s about to make it big. As a result, Spotify has had to factor in data from external references to determine metrics for artist familiarity in order to make sure up-and-coming music charts don’t look like your grandfather’s record collection.

“Anything that you do that just looks at songs without remembering to look at the artist-level metrics can be pretty easily fooled by this hot new artist named ‘Bing,’” McDonald said.
posted by Gordafarin at 9:14 AM on December 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


I love this version of "Wonderful Christmastime" that just repeats the line "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime" about 700 times.
posted by Miko at 9:17 AM on December 12, 2014 [13 favorites]


Miko, that is just evil.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:22 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


I heard "I Wish It Was Christmas Today" in a car commercial, so I'm pretty sure that means it's canon now.

I love "Wonderful Christmastime." Krampus take the lot of you.

What really mystifies me is that there seems to be like a dozen covers of "Last Christmas" in heavy rotation this year.
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:25 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


We love "Feliz Navidog" around our house. When it comes on the radio, my wife and I turn it up and sing loudly along much to the annoyance of our small dog.
posted by marxchivist at 9:31 AM on December 12, 2014


I could (and do) listen to Fairytale of New York all Christmas season every year. It is the perfect song Christmas song for me.

I actually don't mind Feliz Navidad, growing up in my household, it was a big part of our culture, so I enjoy it.

The worst of the worst is Santa Baby in that god awful squeaky voice. Every time I hear it, it takes a Big Bertha to each knee, each testicle, and each forehead.
posted by dios at 9:32 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


No love for The Waitresses' Christmas Wrapping?
posted by fings at 9:35 AM on December 12, 2014 [14 favorites]


The station I listen to in the car is still wall-to-wall Taylor Swift. I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:38 AM on December 12, 2014


The Spotify/XKCD thing is fascinating. It's strange that there haven't been new "standard" Xmas songs (other than the yucky Mariah Carey stuff, and the feeble efforts at recreating the old tunes by whatever musicians are of the moment) to supplant the usual tried and true boomer/"Greatest Generation" standards that the ad companies and retailers wheel out like visitors from the Springfield Retirement Castle to get Gramps and Grandma (or, more appropriately, Mom and Pops remembering the high-rolling days of their Moms and Pops) in the mood to spend, spend, spend even if they have nothing to spend. God knows the only way you're ever going to hear Perry Como, Bing Crosby, and especially Nat King Cole (heard him crooning "Toys for Tots" for whatever reason in Home Depot of all places the other night) any other time of the year is if you actively seek them out on the Sirius 40s channel or something.

The same sort of applies to the dying TV networks trotting out the usual old Xmas cartoons -- the 50th anniversary of Charlie Brown Christmas, etc. Something about that cartoon seems so dated yet almost barbarically well-suited to the here and now ("Look, Charlie Brown, we all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It’s run by a big eastern syndicate, you know”).
posted by blucevalo at 9:45 AM on December 12, 2014


Wait, is that article saying that Wham's "Last Christmas" is the number 2 played holiday song? Really? That song is terrible. I mean, it's not "Wonderful Christmastime" terrible (which, Mr. McCartney, the world still awaits your apology for that), but it's really a dreadful song.
posted by dnash at 9:49 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


No love for The Waitresses' Christmas Wrapping?

Maybe I shouldn't have tried to be subtle

an irrational amount of love for the Waitresses
posted by kokaku at 9:54 AM on December 12, 2014 [7 favorites]


Possibly of interest - journalist Michael Musto posted his hate list of the ten worst Christmas songs. McCartney is nowhere on it, though.

These old-standards ubiquity is why I stick to my own CDs and an Ipad playlist and don't even go near the radio - instead of Mariah and Bing Crosby, I've got Great Big Sea and Sting and The Eels and Emerson, Lake and Palmer and The Pogues and I am a lot happier.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:55 AM on December 12, 2014 [4 favorites]


God help me but I love "Wonderful Christmastime". I'm a huge Beatles nerd (no, really) and I was an a cappella nerd in college, so it was basically written for me.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 9:59 AM on December 12, 2014


Applicable, obligatory XKCD link...

OK but since this is the case, it means that I deeply identify those songs with my own, non-boomer childhood, as well.* I really like some of the new Christmas stuff (Sufjan Stevens is the real-life Linus, right?) but, you know, it doesn't have that deep emotional resonance. WHAT IS THE WAY OUT

*In addition to the terrible 80s synthy Mannheim Steamroller stuff my folks were really into.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:00 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


I can't imagine turning on a radio to a station that plays nothing but Xmas music. Sounds like a seasonal hell.

One of the stations by me switches from "Lite FM" to Christmas music for the season.

The thing is, though, they don't change the rest of the programming, so the morning drive is a bizarre mix of piped-in syndicated "morning zoo" interspersed with Jingle Bells and Deck the Halls.
posted by madajb at 10:03 AM on December 12, 2014


Christmas music sucks these days because no one wants to play any religious music. Most of the traditional carols are beautiful.
posted by quaking fajita at 10:05 AM on December 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


arrrrgh.... this whole thread is NSFEarworms, I have no idea why I opened it.

For whatever reason, the deluge of Christmas music this year has me wanting to take a bunch of traditional christmas classics and re-do them all in minor key, with blaring brass, tense strings, and minimalistic piano - Think of what would happen if Inception-era Hans Zimmer got ahold of them. That's what gets stuck in my head anymore -- I wish I was good enough at producing anything other than chiptunes to make this happen.
posted by MysticMCJ at 10:09 AM on December 12, 2014


Your favorite Christmas music sucks.

No, literally. If it is not the Vince Guaraldi Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack, it represents economic inefficiency in the form of the opportunity cost of listening to it when you could have been listening to the Vince Guaraldi Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack.

It's becoming an issue for me because I'd kind of like to listen to other Christmas music sometimes, but whenever I do I'm always keenly aware of how the Christmas music I'm listening to is not the Vince Guaraldi Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack, and that I could have been listening to that instead and that would have been better.

I almost did an AskMe question about it. Can anything ever be as good as the Vince Guaraldi Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack ever again? Is it wrong to even try?
posted by Naberius at 10:09 AM on December 12, 2014 [22 favorites]


No love for The Waitresses' Christmas Wrapping?

That one's actually good. In comparison, it's great.

Meanwhile, a car commercial may have introduced the new worst song ever (SLYT).
posted by kurumi at 10:09 AM on December 12, 2014


Can anything ever be as good as the Vince Guaraldi Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack ever again?

No.

Marked as best answer
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:12 AM on December 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


I work in retail. I'm lucky if I can go two hours without hearing the damned thing (or some other beloved fucking holiday chestnut).
posted by jonmc at 10:27 AM on December 12, 2014


the terrible 80s synthy Mannheim Steamroller stuff

A true story:

So for years, Mom was in charge of Christmas Music around our house. And this usually meant putting one of three albums we had on the record player - Johnny Mathis, Barbara Streisand, and The Beach Boys. Most of the time it was also only the first side of each album too, because Mom would put them all on the record player on side 1 and walk away, and just let them play out because she was by then off making cookies or doing laundry or whatever.

The year I was eleven, we were doing some Christmas errands and Mom heard some of the Mannheim Steamroller on the Muzak in some store we were in, and declared that you know, we DID need to update the Christmas playlist - maybe we could get that! So she got their album and that replaced Mathis/Streisand/Wilson on our playlist.

Within only two years the entire family, including Mom, was thoroughly sick of it and I think Mom gave it away.

(The ubiquity of those older albums is why the Streisand cover of Jingle Bells and Little Saint Nick are in my own holiday playlist. But nothing by Johnny Mathis because I didn't like him even when I was a kid.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:30 AM on December 12, 2014


the terrible 80s synthy Mannheim Steamroller stuff

I'll defend Mannheim Steamroller only this much: in their early years, the first four or five "Fresh Aire" albums and the first Christmas album, they were an interesting and creative blend of synth and acoustic, modern pop and classical forms. When you say their name today people instantly think synths, but on the first Christmas album, most of it is fully acoustic, even antique Renaissance style instruments. I still like that stuff. But by the second Christmas album, they were becoming less a "band" and increasingly just Chip Davis and an army of synths in his basement. And the tacky/cheezy factor has increased exponentially from there. Not even the nostalgia factor can get me to listen to their "Carol of the Bells" anymore, which sounds like it's been invaded by both space aliens and the theme from "Dallas."
posted by dnash at 10:49 AM on December 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


the Streisand cover of Jingle Bells

Never speak of this again. It's actually an invocation to Cthulhu.
posted by dnash at 10:51 AM on December 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


Ah, the joyous time of the year I pull out Natty and Nice: A Reggae Christmas and mystify my friends with my affection for Toots and Maytals "Happy Christmas." Never gonna hear that one on the radio.

The other two songs that it's not Christmas unless I hear them are "Lo, How a Rose E'er Blooming" off the Renaissance Holiday record and Donny Hathaway's "This Christmas." Honorable mention to "Christmas in New Orleans."
posted by ob1quixote at 10:56 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


It's funny how visceral the disgust for Christmas songs can be. My dad literally can't stand the song "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas", as in it will send him fleeing from the room.
posted by en forme de poire at 10:58 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


Can anything ever be as good as the Vince Guaraldi Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack ever again?

This album, Tom Waits's Heart of Saturday Night, stale cigarette smoke, and a handful of old weepy drunks is what makes the holiday work. That, and putting on the six record Christmas music set Grandma bought in 1952.
posted by honestcoyote at 10:59 AM on December 12, 2014


With regard to recent holiday songs, I think Tracey Thorn's "Joy" has all the makings of a future classic in the downbeat, depressing vein of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas". I'd also throw in Low's "Just Like Christmas", which is more jaunty musically, but equally as mournful.
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:06 AM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


I'd also add Bruce Springsteen's cover of Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town ("Clarence, you been rehearsin' real hard, so Santa'll bring you a new saxophone, right?")
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:11 AM on December 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


Warning, I'm one of those people that sings/plays All I Want For Christmas Is You at any time. This also means that you will hear Halloween tunes from me during Christmas. I just listen to music that matches the mood I want to have.
posted by halifix at 11:39 AM on December 12, 2014


When it comes to Christmas music, my preference is either new and weird or super old-school.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:39 AM on December 12, 2014


All of my favorite christmas tunes came from Metafilter music!
posted by mannequito at 11:43 AM on December 12, 2014


I have no real emotional attachment to Christmas beyond my love of Christmas-adjacent food, and my family doesn't really have Christmas traditions what with not being Christian and all, plus I've lived in California most of my life so all that stuff about snow and white Christmases is pretty foreign to my experience. So when I listen to Christmas music, I'm fairly unencumbered by any nostalgia or baggage, and just listen to what I like. It's still pretty difficult not to be thoroughly sick of most of the Christmas music canon though, if only by virtue of its sheer ubiquity. So my Christmas playlist is about 2/3 Sufjan Stevens and 1/3 weird/sad/only incidentally Christmas-related folk and pop, with a few standards of the canon that I really like sprinkled throughout.

Though this makes me wonder, what exactly does it take to make it into the Christmas music canon? The only new-ish song I can think of that's there or close to it is Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You," and I feel like that's maybe thanks to its use in Love Actually. Do we really need to just wait until the boomers die off, and then the canon will slowly shift away from the 50s? Do we need some sort of new holiday special on TV that becomes instantly beloved?
posted by yasaman at 12:21 PM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


It's actually an invocation to Cthulhu.

I thought that was what A Very Scary Solstice was for?
posted by fings at 12:25 PM on December 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


I have, in the past, compiled Christmas albums of free music featuring weird songs as well as some nontraditional version of classic music, which I have posted on my site. Some of it came from Metafilter!
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 12:33 PM on December 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


I really love Christmas music - I mean, there are selections I dislike, but I enjoy a wide variety of it. Currently my iTunes Christmas playlist has about 800 songs - many from MetaFilter Music (there is some great stuff on there) but also from indie, folkie, ethereal, historical, pop, and R&B sources. There's such a ton of Christmas music and more to discover all the time. I troll free mp3 sites and have found some great stuff; also used to get a lot of good Americana/country leads from Songs:Illinois, a music blog I think might be now defunct. My favorite oddity is an LP I found at the Goodwill - a Christmas recording of 20 or so music box renditions of Christmas songs from the Musical Wonder House.
posted by Miko at 12:41 PM on December 12, 2014


Oh fuck Mr.Encyclopedia, I just about choked on my dinner due to "Egg White Christmas".

GUESS WHAT I'M LISTENING TO CHRISTMAS MORNING.
posted by Katemonkey at 12:42 PM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


Not to be all "Christmas Music: You're Doing It Wrong" but there are a few songs that are overplayed IMHO (I would be happy with about a quarter of the play "Feliz Navidad" gets, for instance) and there are songs that should never be played or spoken of again (Mr. McCartney, I'm looking at you).

But the thing that's getting my goat this year (somehow more than previous years) is the post-Glee trend of some teen (usually) star-of-the-week doing, basically, an auto-tuned karaoke cover of an old arrangement. There's some "Santa Baby" I've heard too many times already (and I don't even like the original), and last week, in Budapest of all places, I heard Michael Bublé aping Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters. I mean, they changed a couple things here and there, but it was the same damn arrangement.

I think if you're going to do a cover you should have to answer the question "what value does this add" and if the only value you can come up with is monetary remuneration for somebody in the chain, you shouldn't do it. Humbug.
posted by fedward at 12:49 PM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


I love Christmas music! But mainly original songs, I'm so bored of the same songs every year. Do we really need another cover of The Christmas song? No, we don't.

Here's some originals I've been enjoying if anyone cares:

Mariah Carey - All I Want for Christmas Is You (best Christmas song ever!)
Mariah Carey - Oh Santa
Kelly Clarkson - Underneath The Tree (future classic)
Kelly Clarkson - Wrapped In Red
Kelly Clarkson - Winter Dreams (Brandon's Song)
Leona Lewis - One More Sleep (future classic)
Leona Lewis - Mr. Right
Ariana Grande - Santa Tell Me
Dragonette - Merry Xmas (Says Your Text Message)
Girls Aloud - I Wanna Kiss You So
Britney Spears - Gimme More (Christmas Remix)
posted by BeginAgain at 1:24 PM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


"Wonderful Christmastime" is indeed a terrible, terrible song, probably the worst song ever to have been recorded by a peformer not entirely lacking in talent, but I haven't heard it this year. By comparison, I've already heard "Feliz Navidad" threes times.

To put that in perspective: I rarely listen to the radio at all, and I don't ever listen to the Christmas music stations, except for on those occaisions when my wife has decided that we're going out to drive around and look at Christmas lights. We've done that once this year, on which occasion they played "Feliz Navidad". And then it's been playing in shops TWICE.

A couple of years back, my dad's wife had their Christmas decorations out, and my daughter discovered that they had an animatronic toy cactus in a poncho and sombrero that would dance and sing "Feliz Navidad" through a terrible, tinny, low fidelity speaker that somehow produced an enornmous ear-splitting volume. And she could not resist setting the goddamn thing off.

Seriously, this song: what the hell? Does anyone actually enjoy it?
posted by Ipsifendus at 1:30 PM on December 12, 2014


What's that? You all want a version of "Feliz Navidad" that mashes up with Joy Division and is sung by the one true Mexican Elvis?

SAY NO MORE.
posted by Katemonkey at 2:04 PM on December 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


Seriously, this song: what the hell? Does anyone actually enjoy it?

I think it's that it's just one Spanish phrase over and over so it's both easy to remember and lets people feel smug about "see look at me bein' all multicultural and shit."
posted by dnash at 2:14 PM on December 12, 2014


Yes, Katemonkey, I do want that. The El Vez Christmas show is especially entertaining, even compared to a non-Christmas El Vez show.
posted by fedward at 2:20 PM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


I just had dental surgery Christmas music played the entire time. The dentist began humming the tunes in my ear in a falsetto.
posted by angrycat at 2:24 PM on December 12, 2014


So what I'm saying is the both Christmas tunes and dental surgery are from the devil
posted by angrycat at 2:26 PM on December 12, 2014


Give us some money.
posted by ckape at 2:36 PM on December 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


IT'S A MARSHMALLOW WORLD IN THE WINTER
DOOT DOO DOO DOOT DOO-DOO-DOO DOO-DOO

please Target make it stop I'll buy anything
posted by Countess Elena at 2:40 PM on December 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


what the hell? Does anyone actually enjoy it?

I'll cop to it. I like it. Hey, Jose FEliciano.

IT'S A MARSHMALLOW WORLD IN THE WINTER

One interesting thing about how the Christmas song canon just repeats and repeats is that it gives you the time, in your life, to change your opinion on some songs. I used to hate Marshmallow World (the Darlene Love version, which at one point was the only one I knew) -- couldn't imagine anything dumber or more assaulting to the ears. Well, I've come around, and now I really like it.Partly it's because I have a general growing enthusiasm for anything Motown over the decades.Also it's just the most ridiculously, bouncy, youthful sort of song. "The sun is red, like a pumpkin's head" - well, that just doesn't make any sense, but Darlene Love doesn't care, she blows right by to sing some more about her sweetheart. Great stuff.

At Christmas, part of me also likes to pretend it's the 1940s. Probably because there's sooo much material. Rat Patrol Radio is a good place to stream some seasonal 40s swing online. If you never heard Duke Ellington's take on the Nutcracker Suite, you're in for a treat. Here's Hoagy Carmichael's My Christmas Song for You. There were also a lot of 40s pop songs that were about winter, and festive, but not about Christmas specifically, like Winter Weather, Little Jack Frost Get Lost, I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm, and Moonlight in Vermont.
posted by Miko at 3:50 PM on December 12, 2014


I'll just be over here, listening in my imagination to A Skid Row Christmas, the holiday album Tom Waits has inexplicably failed to produce.
posted by Nerd of the North at 3:52 PM on December 12, 2014


I like Billy Squier's contribution to the genre
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 4:27 PM on December 12, 2014




So Japan.

There's a whole lot less overt American Boomer Nostalgia, but on the other hand they've managed to more than make up for the lack of kind-of-bad Christmas music with the truly wretched A Winter Fairy is Melting a Snowman, which played with traumatizing frequency some years back but has since been all but pulled from the rotation. Super Eurobeat Christmas is also a thing if you hate yourself, though it's admittedly still not as calculatedly awful as "Christmas Shoes" with its fake children's choir and forwarded email lyrics.

Oddly enough, Japan does have one Christmas standard that's actually not too shabby. Also Last Christmas plays constantly for some reason.
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:52 PM on December 12, 2014


My favorite remedies for the traditional earworms:

Christmas At Ground Zero
Christmas At K-Mart
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:34 PM on December 12, 2014


I standby my theory about christmas music and Johnny Marks from a few years ago.
posted by frecklefaerie at 7:54 PM on December 12, 2014


"I still want a hula-hoop"
posted by pjmoy at 8:15 PM on December 12, 2014


I know my fantasy of hearing Tom Waits' Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis playing in a department store will never become real, but just maybe someone will accidentally screw up and add Neko Case's cover to the mindnumbing playlist on loop in the downtown mall.
posted by langtonsant at 8:29 PM on December 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


Japan loooooves Last Christmas. I think it might have to do with it being slow enough that the lyrics are easy to hear and understand? We had to sing it in one of the Junior High classes I taught in.

I have a friend who works at a karaoke bar here and he's already tired of people coming in and singing either that, or All I Want For Christmas. Personally I've been hearing Happy Christmas (War is Over) a whole lot, which I could really do without.
posted by you zombitch at 9:04 PM on December 12, 2014


Informative.

But the big news for me was one of the most despised media brands is no longer Clear Channel, it's called IHeartMedia.

What a cute name for the conglomeration that Dixie-Chicked the Dixie Chicks out of country music, has done the most in the past 20 years to destroy local radio, and drummed up support for Bush's invasion of Iraq.

Fuck them. I don't care if they call themselves "Aren't we the cutest kittens, Incorporated." Fuck them.
posted by surplus at 9:36 PM on December 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


So Japan.

There's a whole lot less overt American Boomer Nostalgia, but on the other hand they've managed to more than make up for the lack of kind-of-bad Christmas music with the truly wretched
....

I was gonna say, you've not truly heard Bad Christmas Music until you've heard Jpop Bad Christmas Music.

Most of the examples I wanted (I swear every group I like has done at least one Bad Christmas Song, and I made a mix cd of them as Christmas presents for people a couple years ago if anyone is interested MeMail me) don't seem to exist on youtube, so you'll have to trust me that they exist and they are terrible.

I do love Suneohair - Merry Christmas to Me though.
posted by emmling at 6:56 AM on December 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


This thread has shaken loose a memory from high school -

I am about fourteen. It is early December, and I am in math class, with the teacher who is most universally disliked in my school. Not just because it's math, it's because the teacher is just mean and cranky. And to add insult to injury, we're having an exam.

About five minutes into the exam, suddenly we hear a guitar start up in the classroom next to ours - I can't remember whether it was a Spanish class or an ESL class. But the guitar starts up, and we hear a chorus of kids all singing "Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad, prospero año y felicidad..." Some of us chuckle, but we largely go on taking the test.

Then they get to the end of the first chorus, "I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heaaaaaart...." and go right back to the beginning again. This time a set of maracas has joined the party. They sing it all the way through, and then start over again.

And again. And again. And again. For a solid two and a half minutes they are singing "Feliz Navidad" on a continuous loop while we struggle to take our advanced geometry test or whatever it was. We are all starting to get just a bit tense because they are not. stopping.

Finally our teacher, with the sourest of faces, stands up and stalks out of the room. A moment later, we hear the music stop, and dimly hear her voice in the next room; we can't hear what she's saying, we only hear her voice going on for a while. We hear a few mutters of something that sounds like kids saying "sorry". And then a moment later she stalks back into the room, and we continue our test in peace.

No one was really complaining about how "mean" our teacher was that day.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:17 PM on December 15, 2014


My Christmas spirit waxes and wanes from year to year, but this year it's running high, so I've been listening to quite a bit of Christmas music. At home, mostly on the two Christmas music stations on my cable system (allegedly, one contemporary and one traditional, although that distinction seems to be ill-defined at best). In the car, when I come across one of the all-Christmas stations, I'll usually leave it there. And, of course, in brick-and-mortar stores.

I don't think I've heard "Feliz Navidad" once this season. What's being suddenly ridiculously overplayed, in my experience, is any of a half-dozen versions of "Baby It's Cold Outside," which I barely remember hearing at all before this year. And yes, the lyrics come off as creepy.

Other unrelated comments:

I'm something of a McCartney fan, and even I don't care for "Wonderful Christmastime." Not only is it one of the worst Christmas songs ever (at least to be widely played), it's also one of McCartney's worst efforts.

I don't much like Wham!'s original version of "Last Christmas," but I do like nearly every cover of it I hear. I think the bittersweet song is best served with a fairly simple arrangement, which most of the covers get, but Wham! did not.

Any covers of "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" need to keep the "War Is Over" vocals in one form or another. Those that completely instrumentalize that part of the song water down the song's message too much.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 6:46 AM on December 16, 2014


My roommate had a Christmas station on Pandora last night, and it reminded me just how truly weird are the lyrics to the fourth verse of "Here Comes Santa Claus" -
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Right down Santa Claus lane
He'll come around when the chimes ring out
That it's Christmas morn again
Peace on earth will come to all
If we just follow the light
So lets give thanks to the lord above
That Santa Claus comes tonight!
....So basically, the song is saying "Thank God for Santa". Which seems to present such a confusion of theological-vs.-secular ideas that it's always fascinated me.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:55 AM on December 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


For curious MeFites, Shepherd and I will be hosting a two hour unusual and fun Christmas music special on CFRC this coming Saturday morning (you can stream it via their website). We've put together a playlist of some of our personal favorites, some oddities (hello, Christmas in Blobbyland!), and absolutely no standards. We will also be discussing Why Nearly All Christmas Stories are Depressing and questionable Christmas content from artists who should really know better.
posted by Kitteh at 7:10 AM on December 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


Also, I am over the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:07 PM on December 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


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