Yuletide Whambience!
December 17, 2014 7:06 AM   Subscribe

This is what happens when you slow Wham's "Last Christmas" down by a factor of 8.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide (33 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
 
I clicked the second link, and kept on thinking "Is this slowed down? It sounds a little slowed down..."

Then I noticed that there was a first link.

Carry on.
posted by kuanes at 7:12 AM on December 17, 2014 [11 favorites]


The slowed-down version sounds...very Lynchian. I keep expecting to see a dream-sequence Laura Palmer.
posted by Maecenas at 7:16 AM on December 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


It sounds about the same as everything else slowed way down.

Well, almost everything.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:29 AM on December 17, 2014


It sounds about the same as everything else slowed way down.

Nonetheless, I'm delighted.
posted by Going To Maine at 7:30 AM on December 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


Evil, right? It sounds just as evil and earwormy as the original, but slower, right?

That god awful assault of smarm is on a freaking loop here in Japan. That, and that god awful "simmmmmply haa-aaah-ving a WONderful Christmas time" abomination.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:35 AM on December 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Last Christmas is my sister's favorite holiday song, where was this two years ago when I made that all-terrible-versions-of-Last Christmas mix cd for her?

/worst giver
posted by everybody had matching towels at 7:37 AM on December 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Well, almost everything.

Also, this distinction is at least partly a function of the nature of the slowing. Most of this stuff was done using paulstretch, which tries to keep all of the pitches the same and massively distorts the speed. The slowed down Parton & Minaj were just done by slowing the playback, which naturally makes them sound like dudes, and also has way less impact on the length of the song. (For comparison: the original version of Super Bass is 3:24, while the slightly-slowed version is 4:26. The original WAM! track is 4:37, while the slowed version is 35:35.)
posted by Going To Maine at 7:41 AM on December 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


That god awful assault of smarm is on a freaking loop here in Japan. That, and that god awful "simmmmmply haa-aaah-ving a WONderful Christmas time" abomination.


"Wonderful Christmastime" is the best argument for the Paul is Dead theory, in my book.
posted by murphy slaw at 7:53 AM on December 17, 2014 [12 favorites]


GTM has it - this is stretched, not slowed down.

The interesting thing is that it's not slowed down so much as to be completely abstracted from its original form. You can actually discern the lyrics, which I don't remember from other slowed down tracks, though that may be due to the amount of stretching done.
posted by filthy light thief at 7:55 AM on December 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Previously (Warning: SLTBeiber)
posted by surazal at 8:21 AM on December 17, 2014


I don't like Christmas music in general and I thought Last Christmas was especially bad until I saw James Dean Bradfield cover it. And then little hearts appeared in my eyes like a cartoon character.

Throwback: Last Christmas - James Dean Bradfield on TFI Friday, 20 December, 1996

Updated: Last Christmas - James Dean Bradfield on Chris Edwards Breakfast Show Radio 2, 23 December, 2010.
posted by elsietheeel at 8:22 AM on December 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


GTM has it - this is stretched, not slowed down.

Ultra-slowed music is pretty played out, in my view. It will age about as well as the octave pops on the bass that characterized disco.

That said, I discovered recently that the generally tedious Inception actually did something fairly clever with slowed music. Doesn't reduce the tedium much, of course.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:31 AM on December 17, 2014


I clicked the second link, and kept on thinking "Is this slowed down? It sounds a little slowed down..."

Me too. And then I stayed for the whole thing, even though I hate the song... because the HAIR. Mesmerizing.
posted by evilmomlady at 8:53 AM on December 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


At normal length, that song (more properly "that fucking song") pretty much instantly infects me with the Rage virus. This version made me steadily seethe. So, better, I guess.

I have a theory that if that song (I will not type its name) comes on in the car, even Andrew Ridgeley shrieks "What the FUCK!" and desperately mashes the stereo controls.
posted by Mayor Curley at 8:59 AM on December 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


I so want to re write this song.
Each line would be about a different body part given away and then rejected.
"last christmas I gave you my brain, the very next day you threw it under a train"
Perhaps the tone could become more self pitying with each refrain if possible.
posted by boilermonster at 9:38 AM on December 17, 2014 [9 favorites]


yes this sounds near identical to the previously one about dredd/beiber. I like it!
posted by rebent at 9:52 AM on December 17, 2014


That god awful assault of smarm is on a freaking loop here in Japan. That, and that god awful "simmmmmply haa-aaah-ving a WONderful Christmas time" abomination.

Wait โ€“ Japan does the "all Xmas music, all goddamn December long, even though everyone hates it" thing too? I assumed that tradition was unique to the U.S. โ€“ or at least to the Anglophone / Christian world. (I realize that Christmas, as actually practiced, is mostly a secular holiday at this point, but...) I would be genuinely interested to know the details of how that particular "tradition" came to be adopted into Japanese culture. It's hard to imagine that happening with the countries reversed.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 10:02 AM on December 17, 2014


It's got nothing on this version of Miley Cyrus's wrecking ball. Warning, super creepy.
posted by Hutch at 10:13 AM on December 17, 2014


Getting strong Kevin Shields vibes from the slowed down version. Excuse me, I have to loop this endlessly and drink all the Severe NyQuil now and trip balls for the next 11 hours.
posted by palomar at 11:33 AM on December 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


In a very long litany of sins, the worst of Wonderful Christmastime is "The choir of children sing their song. They've practised all year long". No. You practice your Christmas songs for a handful of weeks at best, perhaps starting in the first week of Advent if you've got a Nine Lessons And Carols. It would be pointless and grotesque to do it for longer. Indeed, a decent choir in the English tradition can perform well the first time they encounter the music, such is the emphasis on competent sight reading.

I have also driven down the long and winding road to the Mull of Kintyre, and both are extremely minor-league examples of Scottish landscape experiences. Those of you who know Campbeltown and the environs will also know the deadening sense of despair and hopelessness that envelops the remaining inhabitants of a part of rural Britain in a deep decline that defies reversal.

Compared to such perverse and damaging romanticisations, Wham's effort - at full speed or Enoised - is a landmark of responsibility among the seasonal slurry.
posted by Devonian at 12:10 PM on December 17, 2014 [4 favorites]


It's weird how much the original video looks like those bland nonsensical video footage from the 80s/90s they put on in karaoke rooms to "go along with" the songs.
posted by zutalors! at 1:50 PM on December 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Sometimes it takes a cover to reveal a great song.
posted by oluckyman at 2:23 PM on December 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


I love the U Smile Bieber slowdown, but I do think this is significantly different because it is clearly the same song. You can make out the melody and almost the words. And yet I love it.

escape from the potato planet: "Wait โ€“ Japan does the "all Xmas music, all goddamn December long, even though everyone hates it" thing too?"

I think it started a little after Halloween, actually. There's no Thanksgiving, so there's no "Hey, at least wait until after Thanksgiving!" argument. However, in my experience, Japanese people don't all hate Xmas music. However, I wonder if it's that Japanese hate Xmas music less than Americans, or if Meta-"I Hate Everything"-Filter has given me a warped sense of how much Americans hate...well, everything, really.

Here's some background on Christmas in Japan. While in the 1980s and 1990s I would say that this song pretty much encapsulated Christmas in Japan, I get the idea that its become a lot more family-oriented in recent years. Other info: Kids get a present from Santa (singular). No presents from family members. This is because a week later is New Years, when kids get envelopes of cash from family and relatives. Adults don't get presents (though I'm sure there's a fair amount of guys getting their girlfriends a necklace and gals knitting their boyfriends a scarf and other lovey-dovey shit. But you wouldn't give a present to your parents, or your friends, or your relatives, or whatnot.)

Also, kids go to school on Christmas. I'm giving my son the day off, which my wife thinks is a bit nuts, since the present opening only takes an hour anyway, so "there's no reason he couldn't open his presents after school" (since I'm American, our family does the "everybody gives gifts to everybody" thing, so the kids will get 3 or 4 presents each).
posted by Bugbread at 5:12 PM on December 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


I had no idea that Boards of Canada, Sigur Ros, and Pink Floyd had combined to form a supergroup.
posted by 4ster at 7:02 PM on December 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Needs "shoegaze" tag.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 8:02 PM on December 17, 2014


That god awful assault of smarm is on a freaking loop here in Japan.

Actually, it's pretty damn hooky and does a decent job of delivering wistful Christmas-relationship-nostalgia.

Also, the "This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special" with the emphasis on the word 'special' in all its passive-aggressive glory is one of the biggest fuck-yous in Xmas song history, it is John Lennon level venom.

My husband might've expressed the same sentiment in an earlier thread on this song, ISTR we've discussed before on MF.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 8:11 PM on December 17, 2014 [3 favorites]


Every so often, a pop song seems to transcend the original or best known recording artist and get covered by everyone. There was a website that tracked Last Christmas covers, they seemed to stop in 2010 after noting over 500. And the covers keep coming.

Here's an interesting take on it: Last Christmas, Gangnam Style
posted by ZeusHumms at 8:51 PM on December 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


And one of my favorites, a cover by the former group Pas/Cal.
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:21 PM on December 17, 2014


My husband might've expressed the same sentiment in an earlier thread on this song

I haven't, but I have mentioned a growing appreciation of it. As joseph conrad notes, it's only sugary on the very surface; underneath, there's venom, yes -- last Christmas, you were a shit to me -- but also wistful regret and rueful self-knowledge. "If you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again."

If all you see is smarm, you're not looking closely enough. It's a goddamn great pop song.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 10:29 PM on December 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


Merry Ketmas.
posted by yoHighness at 7:18 AM on December 18, 2014


I have a theory that if that song (I will not type its name) comes on in the car, even Andrew Ridgeley shrieks "What the FUCK!" and desperately mashes the stereo controls.

Why would Ridgeley be angry that he got paid a bunch of money for doing quite literally nothing other than taking a skiing holiday with a film crew in 1984?
posted by Grangousier at 7:36 AM on December 18, 2014


Well, I like this song. So :-รพ on all of you.
posted by grubi at 9:04 AM on December 18, 2014


"last christmas I gave you my leg ,for the rest of the year I walked on a peg"

"Last christmas I gave you my ass ,the very next day you said I was crass, Next year I'm gonna save it for someone special".
posted by boilermonster at 11:04 PM on December 18, 2014


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