No Joke Is Too Obvious Too Miss
December 19, 2014 8:13 AM Subscribe
Pretending to be ghost on Tinder is a mildly funny idea. But less (or more?) funny is how much determination men will bring to bear in their effort to miss the joke.
I don't think these are all examples of guys missing the joke, so much as they are examples of ignoring the joke. The sense I got from some of them was "okay, so you're pretending to be a ghost, fine, I can work with that."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:19 AM on December 19, 2014 [29 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:19 AM on December 19, 2014 [29 favorites]
It seems like a one-note joke but it just kept going and going and was kind of amazing how many guys took the bait.
posted by mathowie at 8:23 AM on December 19, 2014
posted by mathowie at 8:23 AM on December 19, 2014
I don't think these are all examples of guys missing the joke, so much as they are examples of ignoring the joke. The sense I got from some of them was "okay, so you're pretending to be a ghost, fine, I can work with that."
Yeah, this. You would only be missing the joke if you actually started believing that she was a ghost.
Reminds of an old skit from The State, in which a guy walked around in a tuxedo, acting like it was this astonishingly badass prank on the squares. "OH MAN! YOU WOULD NEVER EXPECT A GUY IN A TUXEDO TO BE WALKING AROUND ON THE STREET LIKE THIS!"
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:31 AM on December 19, 2014 [14 favorites]
Yeah, this. You would only be missing the joke if you actually started believing that she was a ghost.
Reminds of an old skit from The State, in which a guy walked around in a tuxedo, acting like it was this astonishingly badass prank on the squares. "OH MAN! YOU WOULD NEVER EXPECT A GUY IN A TUXEDO TO BE WALKING AROUND ON THE STREET LIKE THIS!"
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:31 AM on December 19, 2014 [14 favorites]
One thing I don't understand is reactions like the guy who was all "Your [sic] a weirdo, stop being against society" and the one who was "impressed" she wasn't some blonde bimbo. This is a hookup ap: if you don't think you'd like the person it says you might like, why not shrug and move on? Why the lectures and insults?
posted by rtha at 8:33 AM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by rtha at 8:33 AM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
Yeah it seems like *she's* missing the joke a few times when the guys play along.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 8:33 AM on December 19, 2014 [9 favorites]
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 8:33 AM on December 19, 2014 [9 favorites]
why not shrug and move on?
Because terribleness.
posted by maxsparber at 8:46 AM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
Because terribleness.
posted by maxsparber at 8:46 AM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
Some of those guys have to be gamergaters. Like this one--"educate me on what this term means if you please" sounds like something out of a sealioning phrase book.
posted by Cash4Lead at 8:48 AM on December 19, 2014
posted by Cash4Lead at 8:48 AM on December 19, 2014
Ugh. I see a lot of people online post screen caps of their interactions on dating/hook up sites. It is terrible. There are people that need to be publicly shamed for being awful. But most of the screen caps I see are just awkward interactions or "My profile said in the eight paragraph I wasn't into X and he asked me if I was into X". Just stop.
Maybe I have a soft spot in my heart though for people that reach out to weirdos that pretend to be ghosts or the like. I met my husband on Gay.com ten years ago this Christmas. He responded to my profile because my picture was me hanging myself with lit Christmas lights.
posted by munchingzombie at 8:51 AM on December 19, 2014 [24 favorites]
Maybe I have a soft spot in my heart though for people that reach out to weirdos that pretend to be ghosts or the like. I met my husband on Gay.com ten years ago this Christmas. He responded to my profile because my picture was me hanging myself with lit Christmas lights.
posted by munchingzombie at 8:51 AM on December 19, 2014 [24 favorites]
I'm not even gay and that photo would likewise have gotten an email from me. Life is too short for boring people who lack senses of humor.
posted by maxsparber at 8:54 AM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by maxsparber at 8:54 AM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
I actually thought "[gravediggers] work someplace people are dying to go" was pretty funny.
I think there is something interesting about the guys completely refusing to engage with what her profile says about her, or trying to engage but being weak-sauce about it, but it's happening on Tinder, right?
Being on Tinder means the user is open to talking to nearby people, and I thought it was mostly for hook-ups. So I'm not sure what she was expecting from the user base of the site, other than attempts to engage for a possible hook-up.
posted by Squeak Attack at 8:59 AM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]
I think there is something interesting about the guys completely refusing to engage with what her profile says about her, or trying to engage but being weak-sauce about it, but it's happening on Tinder, right?
Being on Tinder means the user is open to talking to nearby people, and I thought it was mostly for hook-ups. So I'm not sure what she was expecting from the user base of the site, other than attempts to engage for a possible hook-up.
posted by Squeak Attack at 8:59 AM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]
There are people that need to be publicly shamed for being awful. But most of the screen caps I see are just awkward interactions or "My profile said in the eight paragraph I wasn't into X and he asked me if I was into X". Just stop.
I think it's become a strange part of young single woman culture to sort of 'collect' the most terrible online interactions you can find, probably as a form of catharsis. Some people take it too far, and I don't really agree with people who play these kinds of deliberate games to provoke reactions from strange men, but honestly most of the dating-related screencaps I've seen are genuinely horrible.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:59 AM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
I think it's become a strange part of young single woman culture to sort of 'collect' the most terrible online interactions you can find, probably as a form of catharsis. Some people take it too far, and I don't really agree with people who play these kinds of deliberate games to provoke reactions from strange men, but honestly most of the dating-related screencaps I've seen are genuinely horrible.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:59 AM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
It's a mediocre joke she's way too proud of.
posted by davebush at 9:00 AM on December 19, 2014 [29 favorites]
posted by davebush at 9:00 AM on December 19, 2014 [29 favorites]
Grace's antics revealed something many Twitter users found more disturbing: a bevvy of men who either couldn't take the joke or just awkwardly played along, perhaps in hopes of getting lucky (either with a corporeal form or an incorporeal form) in the end:Men on a dating/hookup app saw her making a rather weak joke and played along with it, perhaps in the hopes of getting a date/hookup with her. If that's "disturbing", I'm not sure that she has fully grasped the idea of dating apps.
Granted none of the ones she's chosen to show us are particularly funny (unless the "deep seeded" pun was intentional, which I quite liked), but still.
Wasn't there a similar thread here sometime last year, about a woman who set up an OK Cupid profile with a very attractive photo, the "causal sex" box ticked and a profile that read as an obvious joke, then wrote an article in which she was shocked that a bunch of men only seemed interested in casual sex and not her character's personality?
posted by metaBugs at 9:08 AM on December 19, 2014 [8 favorites]
Now if she'd gotten a creepy pickup response from Peter Venkman, I would have appreciated this more ..
posted by k5.user at 9:08 AM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by k5.user at 9:08 AM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]
I thought the gravedigger joke the dude at the end made was funny. Then the article/comments call it unfunny. Puns aren't unfunny! Puns are awesome!
posted by unknownmosquito at 9:14 AM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by unknownmosquito at 9:14 AM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
Wasn't there a similar thread here sometime last year, about a woman who set up an OK Cupid profile with a very attractive photo, the "causal sex" box ticked and a profile that read as an obvious joke, then wrote an article in which she was shocked that a bunch of men only seemed interested in casual sex and not her character's personality?
Close - it wasn't that it was an "obvious joke", she was trying to make her profile sound as unpleasant as possible and also hinted that she was trying to get pregnant so as to snag a husband. And she wasn't shocked that "a bunch of men only seemed interested in casual sex", she was shocked at THE NUMBER of men who were only interested in casual sex.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:23 AM on December 19, 2014
Close - it wasn't that it was an "obvious joke", she was trying to make her profile sound as unpleasant as possible and also hinted that she was trying to get pregnant so as to snag a husband. And she wasn't shocked that "a bunch of men only seemed interested in casual sex", she was shocked at THE NUMBER of men who were only interested in casual sex.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:23 AM on December 19, 2014
I would totally install any app that let me flirt with ghosts.
posted by tyllwin at 9:25 AM on December 19, 2014
posted by tyllwin at 9:25 AM on December 19, 2014
I would totally install any app that let me flirt with ghosts.
I don't know, if ghost Tindr is anything like real Tindr, this might happen.
posted by WidgetAlley at 9:26 AM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
I don't know, if ghost Tindr is anything like real Tindr, this might happen.
posted by WidgetAlley at 9:26 AM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
This is a hookup ap: if you don't think you'd like the person it says you might like, why not shrug and move on? Why the lectures and insults?
Both people have to like each other to send each other a message on Tinder. A frequently recommended strategy for dudes on tinder is to just select like on pretty much every woman, because women are picky, and overwhelmed, and it's rare for a dude to get many responses unless they are exceptionally good looking.
So all these dudes got that rare ding that says "hey somebody likes you back" clicked, found it out it was a joke picture, some kind of stunt. Most of them rolled with it, some of them were stung. What else would one expect, really?
I mean, I laughed at the pure absurdity of some of these exchanges. But overall it seems a facile sort of contempt, an exercise in callow-heartedness.
I mean, there are some awfully obnoxious guys out there, no question. But the experience of the average guy on a dating site seems to me in some ways worse than that of the average women; all this time an effort spent howling into the void ---excuse me, being charming, funny, and sexy into the void, or trying your damnedest to --- and to get nothing back. Which is of course its own answer, its own insult. It seems inevitable to me that some of 'em get frustrated. Lashing out is still never pretty, or appropriate, of course.
I dunno, it's a tomayto tomahto thing; is it a worse fate to have to continually fend of the desires of unwanted others, or to find no one who finds you desirable? Each has its own particular torments, I suppose.
posted by Diablevert at 9:35 AM on December 19, 2014 [9 favorites]
Both people have to like each other to send each other a message on Tinder. A frequently recommended strategy for dudes on tinder is to just select like on pretty much every woman, because women are picky, and overwhelmed, and it's rare for a dude to get many responses unless they are exceptionally good looking.
So all these dudes got that rare ding that says "hey somebody likes you back" clicked, found it out it was a joke picture, some kind of stunt. Most of them rolled with it, some of them were stung. What else would one expect, really?
I mean, I laughed at the pure absurdity of some of these exchanges. But overall it seems a facile sort of contempt, an exercise in callow-heartedness.
I mean, there are some awfully obnoxious guys out there, no question. But the experience of the average guy on a dating site seems to me in some ways worse than that of the average women; all this time an effort spent howling into the void ---excuse me, being charming, funny, and sexy into the void, or trying your damnedest to --- and to get nothing back. Which is of course its own answer, its own insult. It seems inevitable to me that some of 'em get frustrated. Lashing out is still never pretty, or appropriate, of course.
I dunno, it's a tomayto tomahto thing; is it a worse fate to have to continually fend of the desires of unwanted others, or to find no one who finds you desirable? Each has its own particular torments, I suppose.
posted by Diablevert at 9:35 AM on December 19, 2014 [9 favorites]
Here is a flowchart with relevant advice re: hooking up with a ghost.
posted by maryrussell at 9:43 AM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by maryrussell at 9:43 AM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
Here is a flowchart with relevant advice re: hooking up with a ghost.
That flowchart is pretty pro-ghost fucking. The only real question is "would you have fucked this person while alive" which basically means the fact that they're a ghost is irrelevant.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:47 AM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
That flowchart is pretty pro-ghost fucking. The only real question is "would you have fucked this person while alive" which basically means the fact that they're a ghost is irrelevant.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:47 AM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
Metafilter: It's a mediocre joke she's way too proud of
posted by symbioid at 9:59 AM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by symbioid at 9:59 AM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]
Yeah, this was a bit of fun, I'm sure, but not really any different than when we'd go to some stupid party and pretend to be Russian, and just make up places in Russia and Russian phrases and hope no real Russians happened by. Actually it is different, because most people we encountered believed in Russians.
posted by Mister_A at 10:02 AM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Mister_A at 10:02 AM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
That "un-swirly" joke is gold and she's embarrassing herself.
posted by The Tensor at 10:06 AM on December 19, 2014 [8 favorites]
posted by The Tensor at 10:06 AM on December 19, 2014 [8 favorites]
Men on a dating/hookup app saw her making a rather weak joke and played along with it
What's more, some of the guys might have found her schtick amusing, might have found her amusing, and thus might have actually wanted to meet her or whatever, because a sense of humor is about the sexiest thing going. Not that this particular joke was like Amy Poehler-level funny, but props for trying. IOW, some guys would be attracted to the idea that she would play this joke in the first place.
So I find the "look how horrible and unfunny" presentation of this gag a bit disingenuous.
posted by Mister_A at 10:06 AM on December 19, 2014 [7 favorites]
What's more, some of the guys might have found her schtick amusing, might have found her amusing, and thus might have actually wanted to meet her or whatever, because a sense of humor is about the sexiest thing going. Not that this particular joke was like Amy Poehler-level funny, but props for trying. IOW, some guys would be attracted to the idea that she would play this joke in the first place.
So I find the "look how horrible and unfunny" presentation of this gag a bit disingenuous.
posted by Mister_A at 10:06 AM on December 19, 2014 [7 favorites]
Good premise, terrible execution. This could have been so much funnier.
posted by seymourScagnetti at 10:33 AM on December 19, 2014
posted by seymourScagnetti at 10:33 AM on December 19, 2014
Sensationalist articles about online dating are really old by now. It's a funny joke, got some funny posts, but everyone knows that 1) guys on online dating will say anything, 2) people make gimmick troll profiles all the time, and 3) the internet makes you dumb.
posted by Apocryphon at 10:38 AM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Apocryphon at 10:38 AM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
That "un-swirly" joke is gold and she's embarrassing herself.
Yeah the unswirly joke was pretty good. I felt like that guy was playing along.
posted by zutalors! at 10:48 AM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
Yeah the unswirly joke was pretty good. I felt like that guy was playing along.
posted by zutalors! at 10:48 AM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
I loved the one that basically said people don't like you because you're weird, to which she replied, "I'm so horny", which got "Give me your phone number."
People are hilariously predicable sometimes.
posted by quin at 11:00 AM on December 19, 2014
People are hilariously predicable sometimes.
posted by quin at 11:00 AM on December 19, 2014
A frequently recommended strategy for dudes on tinder is to just select like on pretty much every woman, because women are picky, and overwhelmed.
I wonder why they feel overwhelmed...
posted by edbles at 11:01 AM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]
I wonder why they feel overwhelmed...
posted by edbles at 11:01 AM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]
I think it's become a strange part of young single woman culture to sort of 'collect' the most terrible online interactions you can find, probably as a form of catharsis.
This is absolutely a thing. I think it's less about catharsis and more about affirming the fact that you, female online dater, do not deserve the behavior that is directed towards you, and have done nothing to earn it. If these dudes will try to hook up with a ghost, well, they'll try to hook up with anyone. Their behavior towards you is the same as their behavior towards the ghost/serial killer/baby-hungry nightmare woman, and therefore, it isn't anything YOU are doing. YOU are not to blame.
Posting these things online also lets other people observe the behavior and reassure you that your instincts are right, and it is creepy for that dude to email every woman on OKCupid in the Greater Boston Area his disturbing suffocation fetish message.
Given some of the shit dudes pull on online dating, and the other abuse women get for being female on the internet, that is a really reassuring and necessary message for women.
Could she have done better? Yes. Do I still get where she's coming from? Oh man, yes.
posted by pie ninja at 11:05 AM on December 19, 2014 [6 favorites]
This is absolutely a thing. I think it's less about catharsis and more about affirming the fact that you, female online dater, do not deserve the behavior that is directed towards you, and have done nothing to earn it. If these dudes will try to hook up with a ghost, well, they'll try to hook up with anyone. Their behavior towards you is the same as their behavior towards the ghost/serial killer/baby-hungry nightmare woman, and therefore, it isn't anything YOU are doing. YOU are not to blame.
Posting these things online also lets other people observe the behavior and reassure you that your instincts are right, and it is creepy for that dude to email every woman on OKCupid in the Greater Boston Area his disturbing suffocation fetish message.
Given some of the shit dudes pull on online dating, and the other abuse women get for being female on the internet, that is a really reassuring and necessary message for women.
Could she have done better? Yes. Do I still get where she's coming from? Oh man, yes.
posted by pie ninja at 11:05 AM on December 19, 2014 [6 favorites]
Can't turn down a horny ghost
Is this news?
I mean, everyone knows you literally can't. If you do turn down a ghost, they wreak a horrible revenge on all of your family and friends one by one. Of course, if you don't turn down the ghost, they eventually drain you of all your life force and leave you a desiccated husk.
The central rule is stay the hell away from ghost hook ups!
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:38 AM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]
Is this news?
I mean, everyone knows you literally can't. If you do turn down a ghost, they wreak a horrible revenge on all of your family and friends one by one. Of course, if you don't turn down the ghost, they eventually drain you of all your life force and leave you a desiccated husk.
The central rule is stay the hell away from ghost hook ups!
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:38 AM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]
I don't disagree with the criticisms here but "Charlie do you have candles" is pretty great.
posted by oinopaponton at 11:43 AM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by oinopaponton at 11:43 AM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]
If these dudes will try to hook up with a ghost, well, they'll try to hook up with anyone.
Apparently, you didn't get the joke either. She's not really a ghost! That's not a real ghost those guys are trying to hook up with.
posted by layceepee at 11:58 AM on December 19, 2014 [7 favorites]
Apparently, you didn't get the joke either. She's not really a ghost! That's not a real ghost those guys are trying to hook up with.
posted by layceepee at 11:58 AM on December 19, 2014 [7 favorites]
a better prank would have been for a real ghost to actually, spookily haunt a mansion
posted by Sticherbeast at 12:29 PM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by Sticherbeast at 12:29 PM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
This should have been so much better. You got to catfish these guys into a full blown ghost story otherwise it is a waste of effort.
posted by humanfont at 12:58 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by humanfont at 12:58 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
Apparently, you didn't get the joke either. She's not really a ghost! That's not a real ghost those guys are trying to hook up with.
Well, the real twist is that we think she's a human pretending to be a ghost when she is a real ghost pretending to be a human pretending to be a ghost! In the third act, we realize it's actually a demon, then in the coda she reveals that she was asleep the whole time and it was just a dream! After the credits we find out we're the ghosts.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:00 PM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
Well, the real twist is that we think she's a human pretending to be a ghost when she is a real ghost pretending to be a human pretending to be a ghost! In the third act, we realize it's actually a demon, then in the coda she reveals that she was asleep the whole time and it was just a dream! After the credits we find out we're the ghosts.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:00 PM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
hi there
I died 85 years ago and am no longer on your physical plane
i see
HA HA yet another loser who doesn't get the joke!
posted by Flunkie at 1:09 PM on December 19, 2014 [13 favorites]
I died 85 years ago and am no longer on your physical plane
i see
HA HA yet another loser who doesn't get the joke!
posted by Flunkie at 1:09 PM on December 19, 2014 [13 favorites]
Well, first off, "No but I need you to locate an old tome for me" had me laughing my ass off (and if someone said that to me I would totally want to meet them). But..
This is kind of gross. Dating, whether online or off, is fraught with emotional difficulty as it is. It would be cruel to do this sort of thing in person, so I find it difficult to understand why it's more-or-less okay online. I mean, you never know if this person messaging you just messages everyone, or if they have always been shy and have worked up the courage, or any of the other thousands of invisible battles people face each day.
Which is not at all to say that this isn't an illustration of how so many women get bombarded online every day. That's a severe problem. But while this project may have started out of good intentions ("Guys? You, men over there, this is how you actually act and this is why it's a problem") but it kind of ends up like someone who isn't terribly funny acting in a way we'd probably all agree would be completely unacceptable in person.
This is a hookup ap: if you don't think you'd like the person it says you might like, why not shrug and move on? Why the lectures and insults?
From my experience, for some subset of people it seems like they need you to know you've been rejected by them. (I'm not discounting negging as an explanation in heterosexual interactions, I just haven't seen much if any PUA nonsense crop up in the gay world, maybe this is only a guy thing, I dunno). It's like you, puny wretched mortal, must know you have been turned down by Dr Adonis Von Perfectabs. Some weird self-esteem thing at play there, I think.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:50 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
This is kind of gross. Dating, whether online or off, is fraught with emotional difficulty as it is. It would be cruel to do this sort of thing in person, so I find it difficult to understand why it's more-or-less okay online. I mean, you never know if this person messaging you just messages everyone, or if they have always been shy and have worked up the courage, or any of the other thousands of invisible battles people face each day.
Which is not at all to say that this isn't an illustration of how so many women get bombarded online every day. That's a severe problem. But while this project may have started out of good intentions ("Guys? You, men over there, this is how you actually act and this is why it's a problem") but it kind of ends up like someone who isn't terribly funny acting in a way we'd probably all agree would be completely unacceptable in person.
This is a hookup ap: if you don't think you'd like the person it says you might like, why not shrug and move on? Why the lectures and insults?
From my experience, for some subset of people it seems like they need you to know you've been rejected by them. (I'm not discounting negging as an explanation in heterosexual interactions, I just haven't seen much if any PUA nonsense crop up in the gay world, maybe this is only a guy thing, I dunno). It's like you, puny wretched mortal, must know you have been turned down by Dr Adonis Von Perfectabs. Some weird self-esteem thing at play there, I think.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:50 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
The unswirly joke was funny, and she seems like someone who seriously does not understand what is going on here.
posted by the bricabrac man at 2:04 PM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by the bricabrac man at 2:04 PM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]
Disappointed by a total lack of 'sounds like you want a medium but I'm actually kinda big' jokes.
posted by not the fingers, not the fingers at 4:41 PM on December 19, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by not the fingers, not the fingers at 4:41 PM on December 19, 2014 [6 favorites]
... I thought you said goat.
posted by h00py at 7:54 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by h00py at 7:54 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
She seems really anti-pun. That deep seeded issues line was great.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 9:11 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 9:11 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]
If anything happens to my husband, so help me, I'm jumping on his funeral pyre, because online dating was bad enough ten years ago and now it seems to have gotten even worse somehow. So, you know. If you want to date me after my husband dies I will actually BE a ghost. I promise to laugh at your dumb puns, even.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 9:45 PM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by bitter-girl.com at 9:45 PM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]
One of those responses was from someone who seemed genuinely hateful - the one who ranted about "shouldn't you be smoking weed and drinking organic soy milk talking with your friends about socialists and how the government is against you guys". Someone like that is either seething with resentment or a young conservative or both; given the sociopathic behaviour of James O'Keefe and the Gamergaters etc. I'd be genuinely worried about that one.
But oddly, in general, I found my faith in humanity slightly restored. A couple of those guys seemed no worse than gently amused. Some came up with pretty good puns. The last one, who seems to be some kind of last straw for her, actually seemed quite nice to me.
posted by lucien_reeve at 1:23 AM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
But oddly, in general, I found my faith in humanity slightly restored. A couple of those guys seemed no worse than gently amused. Some came up with pretty good puns. The last one, who seems to be some kind of last straw for her, actually seemed quite nice to me.
posted by lucien_reeve at 1:23 AM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
It's actually disappointing that the thread is taking her to task over this.
Yeah, she did a dippy stunt - but how disenheartening is it that the reaction she got to her stunt was largely guys ignoring it so they could try to get action? It was a chance for a guy to actually engage with her differently - "you're a ghost? How convenient, I'm a medium," or "oh, you too? How'd you die, I was caught in a zebra stampede", or at least said something clever in the moment. But instead it was all guys who were all "uh, okay, whatever you say, wanna fuck?"
Sooooo many guys ignore the specifics of the woman they're trying to pick up, all they look at is "she is female". And someone comes up with a way to emphasize this - and she's critiqued for her tactic. And the point flies over y'all's heads yet again.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:43 AM on December 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
Yeah, she did a dippy stunt - but how disenheartening is it that the reaction she got to her stunt was largely guys ignoring it so they could try to get action? It was a chance for a guy to actually engage with her differently - "you're a ghost? How convenient, I'm a medium," or "oh, you too? How'd you die, I was caught in a zebra stampede", or at least said something clever in the moment. But instead it was all guys who were all "uh, okay, whatever you say, wanna fuck?"
Sooooo many guys ignore the specifics of the woman they're trying to pick up, all they look at is "she is female". And someone comes up with a way to emphasize this - and she's critiqued for her tactic. And the point flies over y'all's heads yet again.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:43 AM on December 20, 2014 [2 favorites]
I don't think that's true, at least not in the ones that are linked from the article (I haven't looked at any others, if there are any). It's certainly true in some cases, but most seem to me to play into it or (if her screencaps show the whole conversation) stop conversing. And when someone does play into it -- specifically in the "Oh yeah, I'm a medium" sense that you say they should -- she holds it up as some sort of victory to show how dumb they are, sometimes directly to them (as opposed to to her Twitter audience).
(1) Nate plays into her statement that she'd like to go back in time. Stops conversing (if screencap is to be trusted) after she elaborates that she'd like to go back in time to the day she died. She complains about it being too bad to be true to her Twitter audience.
(2) Charlie: Stops conversing immediately.
(3) "Un-swirly" guy: Plays into it. She complains about the joke to her Twitter audience.
(4) Mike: Clearly a jerk. First one who falls into the "wanna fuck" category, but only explicitly after she tells him she's horny.
(5) "I'm just curious" guy: Plays into it. She (apparently) stops the conversation and brags on Twitter.
(6) "Lobo": Plays into it; she stops the conversation. Surprisingly doesn't brag about it on Twitter (other than posting it there in the first place).
(7) "Deep-seeded": Somewhat jerky towards the end, but plays into it specifically in the manner that you complain they don't.
(8) "Intriguing": Plays into it. Mentions sex, but in a playing-into-it way, not "uh, okay, whatever you say, wanna fuck".
(9) "What do you do when you're not cutting yourself": Jerky, but not "OK, let's fuck". I think that this is a continuation of the "Deep-seeded" conversation.
(10) "Dying to go": Plays into it specifically how you say they don't. She complains to him about it. She then complains to Twitter about it.
So, of the ten, I count seven who played into it (which she complains about), two just plain blatant jerks, and one who stopped conversing immediately. I only count two people who mentioned sex, but neither of the two were "OK, whatever, let's fuck"; one of them mentioned sex as part of playing into it ("I wonder what it's like to have sex with an ectoplasm") and the other only after she directly told him she was horny.
posted by Flunkie at 5:28 AM on December 20, 2014 [6 favorites]
(1) Nate plays into her statement that she'd like to go back in time. Stops conversing (if screencap is to be trusted) after she elaborates that she'd like to go back in time to the day she died. She complains about it being too bad to be true to her Twitter audience.
(2) Charlie: Stops conversing immediately.
(3) "Un-swirly" guy: Plays into it. She complains about the joke to her Twitter audience.
(4) Mike: Clearly a jerk. First one who falls into the "wanna fuck" category, but only explicitly after she tells him she's horny.
(5) "I'm just curious" guy: Plays into it. She (apparently) stops the conversation and brags on Twitter.
(6) "Lobo": Plays into it; she stops the conversation. Surprisingly doesn't brag about it on Twitter (other than posting it there in the first place).
(7) "Deep-seeded": Somewhat jerky towards the end, but plays into it specifically in the manner that you complain they don't.
(8) "Intriguing": Plays into it. Mentions sex, but in a playing-into-it way, not "uh, okay, whatever you say, wanna fuck".
(9) "What do you do when you're not cutting yourself": Jerky, but not "OK, let's fuck". I think that this is a continuation of the "Deep-seeded" conversation.
(10) "Dying to go": Plays into it specifically how you say they don't. She complains to him about it. She then complains to Twitter about it.
So, of the ten, I count seven who played into it (which she complains about), two just plain blatant jerks, and one who stopped conversing immediately. I only count two people who mentioned sex, but neither of the two were "OK, whatever, let's fuck"; one of them mentioned sex as part of playing into it ("I wonder what it's like to have sex with an ectoplasm") and the other only after she directly told him she was horny.
posted by Flunkie at 5:28 AM on December 20, 2014 [6 favorites]
And I'm not critiquing her "for her tactic"; I went into this article fully expecting to find it interesting. I'm critiquing her for her execution of her tactic, which I believe failed badly to back her point to any real degree.
posted by Flunkie at 5:34 AM on December 20, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by Flunkie at 5:34 AM on December 20, 2014 [5 favorites]
Or, I guess, maybe her point is "Men on a low-communication-throughput online dating service will usually play into a silly little premise in a light and playful manner rather than a deep and invested manner", in which case, yeah, she did a great job at proving it.
posted by Flunkie at 5:49 AM on December 20, 2014
posted by Flunkie at 5:49 AM on December 20, 2014
Some of these exchanges showed up in my twitter feed, and I thought they were mostly funny examples of tone clash -- dude wanting to get laid on a different planet from spectral Voice from Beyond. I don't think this is really evidence of the basic terribleness of men or whatever. Taken as slightly amusing sketches, they're, I dunno, funny things posted to twitter.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 6:08 AM on December 20, 2014
posted by kittens for breakfast at 6:08 AM on December 20, 2014
On a semi-similar note: This Is How Tinder Guys React When You Send Them Morrissey Lyrics.
posted by SisterHavana at 9:18 PM on December 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by SisterHavana at 9:18 PM on December 20, 2014 [3 favorites]
This lass absolutely deserves the criticism here, for being so committed to an outcome (boyz are shitty) that she wasn't able to recognize that her experiment, in this particular instance (at least from the set of interactions she posted), demonstrated that the boys could be game and witty. I mean, that unswirly joke is pure fucking gold, and I really want to get drunk with that guy.
posted by amorphatist at 8:41 AM on December 21, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by amorphatist at 8:41 AM on December 21, 2014 [3 favorites]
Someone totally needs to invent the Spectr app.
Hauntr?
posted by Sangermaine at 11:23 AM on December 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
Hauntr?
posted by Sangermaine at 11:23 AM on December 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
And the point flies over y'all's heads yet again.
EmpressCallipygos
I feel like you didn't actually read the responses she got. Many of them were playing along, or at least seemed in that vein, yet got insulted anyway.
posted by Sangermaine at 11:26 AM on December 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
EmpressCallipygos
I feel like you didn't actually read the responses she got. Many of them were playing along, or at least seemed in that vein, yet got insulted anyway.
posted by Sangermaine at 11:26 AM on December 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
« Older "I also like getting a good night’s sleep." | Lose yourself Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by maxsparber at 8:17 AM on December 19, 2014 [10 favorites]