"In the name of all Shelled Ones, I banish thee!"
December 24, 2014 8:37 AM Subscribe
Cat: I would totally eat the little schmuck if I could work the can opener.
posted by localroger at 8:54 AM on December 24, 2014 [13 favorites]
posted by localroger at 8:54 AM on December 24, 2014 [13 favorites]
To me, it looked like the turtle thought the cat might make a good girlfriend.
I know nothing about turtles or their courtship rituals.
posted by GrumpyDan at 9:00 AM on December 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
I know nothing about turtles or their courtship rituals.
posted by GrumpyDan at 9:00 AM on December 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
Tortoise was all "Ha Ha! Thou shalt taste the bitter wrath of my mighty armored carapace, foul hell beast! Take that! And that!"
Cat was all "Hey look, a wall."
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:00 AM on December 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
Cat was all "Hey look, a wall."
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:00 AM on December 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
Every turtle-based video that I ever remember seeing has either been (1) turtle is a real jerk, or (2) turtle humps a shoe.
posted by Flunkie at 9:11 AM on December 24, 2014 [7 favorites]
posted by Flunkie at 9:11 AM on December 24, 2014 [7 favorites]
Turtles aren't picky about girlfriends.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:11 AM on December 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:11 AM on December 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
Perfectly titled.
posted by Going To Maine at 9:15 AM on December 24, 2014
posted by Going To Maine at 9:15 AM on December 24, 2014
I was waiting for the cat to bat the turtle across the wooden floor in revenge, but was sadly disappointed.
posted by immlass at 9:18 AM on December 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by immlass at 9:18 AM on December 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
Fred was definitely trying to be the bigger man?...cat?...being? My barn cat would have flipped the sucker.
posted by MrGuilt at 9:33 AM on December 24, 2014
posted by MrGuilt at 9:33 AM on December 24, 2014
Awww, what a patient cat. I am irritated with the owner for not giving the tortoise a timeout or something. At least some head scritchin' for Fred!
posted by misha at 9:38 AM on December 24, 2014
posted by misha at 9:38 AM on December 24, 2014
No... no, just ignore him. He'll get tired and look for someone else to... no, he wants to get a rise out of you! That's what he wants. Just ignore him.
posted by Naberius at 9:38 AM on December 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Naberius at 9:38 AM on December 24, 2014 [2 favorites]
The cat should ride him like a (very slow) Roomba.
posted by Dip Flash at 9:39 AM on December 24, 2014 [14 favorites]
posted by Dip Flash at 9:39 AM on December 24, 2014 [14 favorites]
That was one amazing tolerant cat. Tortoises and turtles have some nasty little beaks, and I'm kind of surprised the tortoise didn't take a little snap at Fred's tail.
posted by Thorzdad at 9:50 AM on December 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Thorzdad at 9:50 AM on December 24, 2014 [1 favorite]
Actually, the dog was the most disappointing one. He was deferential to both the cat and the tortoise. I think the cat had about one more minute of tolerance before cat returned fire.
posted by 724A at 10:33 AM on December 24, 2014
posted by 724A at 10:33 AM on December 24, 2014
I hope that tortoise never finds him self flipped over on a hot day.
A cat will fail a Voight-Kampff test every time.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:40 AM on December 24, 2014 [10 favorites]
A cat will fail a Voight-Kampff test every time.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:40 AM on December 24, 2014 [10 favorites]
No... no, just ignore him. He'll get tired and look for someone else to... no, he wants to get a rise out of you! That's what he wants. Just ignore him.
In my head, this comment is in Richard Ayoade's voice.
posted by axiom at 10:41 AM on December 24, 2014 [7 favorites]
In my head, this comment is in Richard Ayoade's voice.
posted by axiom at 10:41 AM on December 24, 2014 [7 favorites]
I have a giant tortoise, I have cats, I have seen this dynamic before. As enemies, tortoises (at this size) and cats almost inevitably stalemate. Tortoises view the world as a Venn with four slightly connected circles; Can I Eat This? Can I Hump This? Should I Dig Under This? and Is This Mine Ancient Enemy to be Battered To Submission?
And with that simple rule-set, they interact with the world. Watch other videos, and inevitably, that's the behavior you are going to see. Cats on the other paw, well... are cats. You know how cats are. Except cats don't really care if they are bumped and can easily leap away if they really feel threatened. However, they have no patience and are easily distracted, whereas a tortoises will find something that has offended its sensibilities, and dedicate the rest of its day to finding and ramming that thing. And cats main weapon, the one so powerful that even dogs (and bears!) will flee from it in terror; the Claw! The mighty powerful Claw that can smite everything... except tortoises, who don't give a shit about some stupid little cat nails. They can just pull their heads in, and walk around like a myopic little tank, full of hatred for anything that isn't food, humpable, or good for burrowing.
At this point, my cats and tortoises have reached a mild detente, the cats know that the tortoise is unstoppable, but also will ignore them if they aren't in her line of sight. The tortoise continues not caring about anything. So the cats will sleep in the tortoise enclosure to get the heat, but only after the great shelled one has gone to sleep, or is facing the other way eating. And once night comes, the tortoise sleeps like, well, a rock. So the cats have free run of the enclosure which always has heat lamps and is totally dog proof.
And it is kinda fun right before bed, to see a couple of cats curled up in the hay and substrate with a tortoise all sprawled and akimbo just a couple of feet away.
posted by quin at 10:42 AM on December 24, 2014 [41 favorites]
And with that simple rule-set, they interact with the world. Watch other videos, and inevitably, that's the behavior you are going to see. Cats on the other paw, well... are cats. You know how cats are. Except cats don't really care if they are bumped and can easily leap away if they really feel threatened. However, they have no patience and are easily distracted, whereas a tortoises will find something that has offended its sensibilities, and dedicate the rest of its day to finding and ramming that thing. And cats main weapon, the one so powerful that even dogs (and bears!) will flee from it in terror; the Claw! The mighty powerful Claw that can smite everything... except tortoises, who don't give a shit about some stupid little cat nails. They can just pull their heads in, and walk around like a myopic little tank, full of hatred for anything that isn't food, humpable, or good for burrowing.
At this point, my cats and tortoises have reached a mild detente, the cats know that the tortoise is unstoppable, but also will ignore them if they aren't in her line of sight. The tortoise continues not caring about anything. So the cats will sleep in the tortoise enclosure to get the heat, but only after the great shelled one has gone to sleep, or is facing the other way eating. And once night comes, the tortoise sleeps like, well, a rock. So the cats have free run of the enclosure which always has heat lamps and is totally dog proof.
And it is kinda fun right before bed, to see a couple of cats curled up in the hay and substrate with a tortoise all sprawled and akimbo just a couple of feet away.
posted by quin at 10:42 AM on December 24, 2014 [41 favorites]
I have a turtle. What quin says is true - once they get it into their tiny little brains that something is happening, that thing will keep happening indefinitely. My turtle will spend hours and hours digging in the corner of the room, never mind the fact that: 1) the floor is tile; 2) no progress has been made whatsoever; 3) it's nearly 11pm and we are all tired of the constant *bonk, bonk* sound of a turtle shell whumping on a tile floor. She'll also chase me around the house for hours looking to get her back scratched, and will never, ever get bored of it.
If the turtle decides that the cat's an asshole, then that's the way it is.
posted by 1adam12 at 1:22 PM on December 24, 2014 [5 favorites]
If the turtle decides that the cat's an asshole, then that's the way it is.
posted by 1adam12 at 1:22 PM on December 24, 2014 [5 favorites]
Some tortoises are just jerks.
I tried this reference on my sister earlier this evening and she totally missed it, so it makes me happy to read it here. It wasn't just a throwaway line either, I was headbutting her in the side at the time. She really really missed the reference.
posted by maryr at 10:10 PM on December 24, 2014 [3 favorites]
I tried this reference on my sister earlier this evening and she totally missed it, so it makes me happy to read it here. It wasn't just a throwaway line either, I was headbutting her in the side at the time. She really really missed the reference.
posted by maryr at 10:10 PM on December 24, 2014 [3 favorites]
As soon as I read "I tried this reference on my sister earlier this evening and she totally missed it", I thought, but were you headbutting her? Then, I read the second half of the sentence.
posted by ignignokt at 11:24 AM on December 25, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by ignignokt at 11:24 AM on December 25, 2014 [1 favorite]
She'll also chase me around the house for hours looking to get her back scratched, and will never, ever get bored of it.
How does she know? Can they feel scratching on their shell? it's just keratin, isn't it? So what pleasure would she find in it?
This is a mysterious new thing for me to learn about turtlekind.
posted by winna at 12:59 PM on December 25, 2014 [1 favorite]
How does she know? Can they feel scratching on their shell? it's just keratin, isn't it? So what pleasure would she find in it?
This is a mysterious new thing for me to learn about turtlekind.
posted by winna at 12:59 PM on December 25, 2014 [1 favorite]
Squirtle uses headbutt.
It isn't very effective.
posted by GoingToShopping at 2:12 AM on December 26, 2014 [1 favorite]
It isn't very effective.
posted by GoingToShopping at 2:12 AM on December 26, 2014 [1 favorite]
« Older 45 Seconds from Broadway | Christmas Card from Top Gun Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by JenThePro at 8:41 AM on December 24, 2014