The music behind the worst album covers (SLYT, partially NSFW)
February 3, 2015 2:26 PM   Subscribe

Some of the music is worse than the worst album covers, which you'd think would be difficult [via]
posted by voferreira (40 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
 
I only made it to 35 seconds, to the part with the guys sawing a log onstage. That was painful.
posted by dfm500 at 2:33 PM on February 3, 2015


I only made it to 35 seconds

Oh there's a treat waiting for you at 1:39. Nigel Pepper Cock.
posted by cashman at 2:34 PM on February 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


I was pleasantly surprised by a few of them. The naked tuba people were better than expected, for sure.
posted by bink at 2:41 PM on February 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


I had a Heino sighting on German TV back in December! He was pimping something on the German equivalent of QVC.
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 2:54 PM on February 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


Oh, I feel bad making fun of Heino. He has exophthalamos because of Graves' disease.
posted by teponaztli at 2:55 PM on February 3, 2015


Well, I mean, making fun of how he looks is mean. His music is pretty ridiculous.
posted by teponaztli at 2:56 PM on February 3, 2015


which you'd think would be difficult
No, actually, I'd think it would be obvious.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:06 PM on February 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


Some additional details on some of those featured, courtesy of Mental Floss.
posted by onetime dormouse at 3:17 PM on February 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


Half of the covers there are just plain great. For instance, the Orelans one is pretty cool, unless you're seriously homophobic.
posted by svenni at 3:18 PM on February 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


I was pleasantly surprised by some of that...
posted by Navelgazer at 3:19 PM on February 3, 2015


I'd seen quite a few of those covers from previous lists, interesting to hear them.
posted by benito.strauss at 3:25 PM on February 3, 2015


I always suspected I would enjoy Nigel Peppers Cock.
posted by lumpenprole at 3:28 PM on February 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


Dear Mum and Dad, thank you for not christening me 'Quim'.
posted by biffa at 3:44 PM on February 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm terrified of clicking on this and hearing Royal Trux.
posted by pxe2000 at 3:50 PM on February 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


I was so sure a lot of those were bad photoshops or mockups. Silly me.
posted by Sternmeyer at 3:53 PM on February 3, 2015


there where a a handful of those that weren't bad at all:
the songs at 1:10, 2:05, 6:55, 7:42 and frankly 8:55 was fine as well. Junior Parker's album cover shouldn't even be on the list. Yeah, it may be kinda un PC nowadays but there are a lot worse that should be there if we're talking bad.
posted by edgeways at 4:16 PM on February 3, 2015


Waaaait a minute, I thought it was popular consensus that Big Bear Doin' Thangs was one of the best album covers?
posted by dgaicun at 4:18 PM on February 3, 2015 [4 favorites]


Swamp Dogg's Rat On! is not a bad album cover, or album. The Johnny Guitar Watson one, well, again, he's in on the joke, guys. Try harder?
posted by hap_hazard at 4:25 PM on February 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


I only made it to 35 seconds, to the part with the guys sawing a log onstage.

come on, there's more musical surprises for you! - some are awful, some are meh - but swamp dogg, johnny guitar watson, herbie mann, and junior parker are real solid and don't really belong on this list, cover or not

joyce was better than i thought - the julie's 16th birthday guy was worse - the handless organist is alright as an organist but can't sing - viper - well, that was rapped and mixed under the extreme influence of cough syrup and hennessy or something

and nigel pepper cock - omg - what kind of person thought he had ANY chance of selling records with a cover like THAT? - (especially with the awful music inside) - that's past porn into pure skeeze
posted by pyramid termite at 4:36 PM on February 3, 2015


The "Nigel Pepper Cock" album is (I think?) pretty clearly not a picture of the person making the music. It's a hardcore band. And not a bad one, to my ear.
posted by koeselitz at 4:40 PM on February 3, 2015 [5 favorites]


How long before Rudy Ray Moore's holiday record becomes a standard?
posted by dr_dank at 4:44 PM on February 3, 2015


Yeah, Nigel Pepper Cock is not half bad.
posted by brundlefly at 5:04 PM on February 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


"He's coming again! He's coming again! Oh, I sure do get all excited when you talk about..."

*leans forward*

"...the love of Jesus."

Oh. Right.
posted by brundlefly at 5:06 PM on February 3, 2015 [5 favorites]


hmm, this viper guy's interesting - i sell dope, boy - so hypnotic - you probably need a decent car to play it properly

the chopped and screwed mix of you'll cowards don't even smoke crack - (like this really needed to be chopped and screwed)

no, that's way, way too fast - let's slow it down to 52 minutes
posted by pyramid termite at 5:07 PM on February 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


well, i listened to 9 minutes of that, but my body started to leave the planet and i have other things to do tonight
posted by pyramid termite at 5:13 PM on February 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


Oh, Handless Organist, I really don't think thalidomide is a miracle from god.
posted by dr_dank at 5:46 PM on February 3, 2015


Metafilter: You'll Cowards Don't Even Smoke Crack
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 6:31 PM on February 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


Yeah this is a weird list. Some of it as noted is actually quite good. Some is intentionally bad/ a joke, e.g. the Michelle Jackson one is quite clearly a comedy record. Much is pointing and laughing at 'funny foreigners' and religious music from the 60s & 70s. Some is just plain awesome, e.g. the naked tuba people.


Hell if I know what is going on with the 'My Pussy Belongs to Daddy' one though. Eeek.
posted by Hello, I'm David McGahan at 6:35 PM on February 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'd be interested in Gary's modernized version of Getting Down to Business, what with IM and voice mail and all.

I'd like to ask Ken what the hell a spirat is and if he mean holy or holey.

Cowardice is not why many of us don't "even" smoke crack.
posted by juiceCake at 6:38 PM on February 3, 2015


Devastatin Dave the Turntable Slave (3.18) is, there is no doubt in my mind, a profiterole chef from London who performs under the nom de plume 'Antony Carmichael'.

Thants Peter
posted by Plutocratte at 6:51 PM on February 3, 2015


Dude! Dude! JOHNNY GUITAR WATSON. JOHNNY MOTHERFUCKING GUITAR WATSON! I mean it's not his fault he had some cheap ass record company that didn't want to shell out for a real graphic designer.
posted by Naberius at 7:02 PM on February 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh Joyce, behind those horn rim coke bottle glasses, there is a passion that cannot hide. You saucy lady, Jesus is not the only one "coming" again.

Also, as witty, hip, and talented as I am, none of the half dozen bands I've been in have managed to produce a commercially available recording, disturbing record cover or not, so I mean this in all sincerity: RESPECT.

Rock on, Ken, rock on
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:22 PM on February 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


Why you do dis to me, Dimi?
posted by Devils Slide at 10:24 PM on February 3, 2015


Naked people are using a French horn, not a tuba, though I can't decide which instrument is more hi-larious. Because butts.
posted by Pazzovizza at 3:18 AM on February 4, 2015


Can. Not. Unsee.

7:00. I can't even
posted by Autumn Leaf at 3:40 AM on February 4, 2015


Devastatin Dave's "Zip Zap Rap" sounds exactly like I thought it would. Like re-constructing classical lyre music from Grecian urns, that jacket contains sufficient information to recreate the song perfectly.
posted by bendybendy at 5:50 AM on February 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


For Christmas I got a copy of Enjoy the Experience, a hefty coffee table book that celebrates private-press and self-released vinyl records. It comes with a download of a couple dozen songs, and there's also a compilation. Some of it is lounge singers, some of it is high-school marching bands and orchestras, some of it is Christian music à la Joyce, but with a much lower budget. The real gems are people with unique styles and an overwhelming urge to create, and what they created was largely left unpolished by record companies.

Musician and psych connoisseur Paul Major is a big contributor; he used to trade a lot of these records though his typed and Xeroxed catalogs. His and the other contributors' enthusiasm is genuine, and I can appreciate that, even if a lot of the music they champion is stuff I might not want to listen to twice. I'm halfway through the book and haven't heard all of the downloads yet, but already the music and art from this post didn't seem that strange to me. I appreciate the Mental Floss link that onetime dormouse posted because that's the same approach taken in the book.

Here's a youtube playlist, which I just discovered while typing up this comment. Some of the music from the compilation can be found on youtube as well (often without the covers, unfortunately.) Some of it is AOR/light rock fare that could've easily been on the radio. This one is very creepy yet undeniably effective. This Elton John medley is something I would have loved to see live.
posted by hydrophonic at 7:06 AM on February 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


A friend sighted Herbie Mann's Push Push and snagged it. We put it on. After about a minute he bursts out "AND the music's good?"

It was very good and I listen to it all of the time.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:30 AM on February 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


duane allman's on push push - so, yeah, it's good
posted by pyramid termite at 5:57 PM on February 4, 2015


Heino only briefly disappeared about 10 years ago because somebody stole hill sunglasses and he decided to retire than perform without them, but he's back and all over the place. He's been on this Pat Boone-esque come back with Rammstein for the last year or so. It includes a big Facebook presence and an energy drink. (Which is meh as those things go.)

Thanks to his Facebook page I've been able to follow appearances on Deutschland Sucht Ein Superstar (with Sido as a judge!). I've also been reminded that lots of his fans are kind of creepy nationalists, so I'm not listening to his records as much these days.
posted by kendrak at 8:52 PM on February 4, 2015


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