A Ranking of 1980s Fantasy That Would Please Crom Himself!
March 2, 2015 1:30 PM Subscribe
I have travelled back to that time to bring forth the Ultimate 1980s Fantasy Epic Ranking List Post! Single Link Tor Blog Post offering many further links, nostalgic euphoria and the inevitable objection to individual rankings.
Conan the Barbarian isn't #1?
Contemplate this on the Tree of Woe.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:40 PM on March 2, 2015 [14 favorites]
Contemplate this on the Tree of Woe.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:40 PM on March 2, 2015 [14 favorites]
I think there are a lot of problems with the rankings, but I can't argue much about the individual analyses.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 1:43 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by scaryblackdeath at 1:43 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
Rankings ? Well, they can't all be #1, but I'm pretty sure there is no arguing about the selections, just the order..
posted by k5.user at 1:44 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by k5.user at 1:44 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Ooh, incorrect answer on Excalibur's 'Wildly Mood-Shattering Comic Relief?' section.
I'm afraid the answer we were looking for was 'Mordred's Armor'.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 1:45 PM on March 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'm afraid the answer we were looking for was 'Mordred's Armor'.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 1:45 PM on March 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
Omigod I know this author.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:47 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:47 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm afraid the answer we were looking for was 'Mordred's Armor'.
posted by robocop is bleeding
That or trying to have sex with tassets on...
posted by Faux Real at 1:49 PM on March 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by robocop is bleeding
That or trying to have sex with tassets on...
posted by Faux Real at 1:49 PM on March 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
"Lifts His Ferrets Triumphantly" would be a good name for a kid, like if you had that kind of a naming system.
posted by Wolfdog at 1:56 PM on March 2, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by Wolfdog at 1:56 PM on March 2, 2015 [8 favorites]
The Princess Bride is not #1? TANJ.
posted by Splunge at 1:57 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Splunge at 1:57 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Nostalgic euphoria, indeed. When I saw Beastmaster in the theater, there was a rat running around up front near the screen the whole time--an accidental 3d enhancement that gave the film so much more tension.
Incidentally, I hear Cary Elwes's recent TPB memoir As You Wish is noteworthy, but I'd welcome insight on whether someone who's merely enjoyed the film would appreciate it independently.
posted by Monsieur Caution at 1:58 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Incidentally, I hear Cary Elwes's recent TPB memoir As You Wish is noteworthy, but I'd welcome insight on whether someone who's merely enjoyed the film would appreciate it independently.
posted by Monsieur Caution at 1:58 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Master of the Universe needs to be higher too; after all, it is an unofficial adaptation of Jack Kirby's New Gods.
posted by MartinWisse at 2:00 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by MartinWisse at 2:00 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
(Rolls 20d)
"Twun-teh"
Thanks for posting this, I could not have made it through the 'Villlage of Hommlet' without Dragonslayer looped on the VCR.
posted by clavdivs at 2:00 PM on March 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
"Twun-teh"
Thanks for posting this, I could not have made it through the 'Villlage of Hommlet' without Dragonslayer looped on the VCR.
posted by clavdivs at 2:00 PM on March 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
Ugh. Jinx. (Is it still a jinx if the clock says you were beat by a minute?)
posted by The Hamms Bear at 2:01 PM on March 2, 2015
posted by The Hamms Bear at 2:01 PM on March 2, 2015
The terrifying thing about that list is how many of those movies I saw in the theater -- nay, at midnight when they opened.
So frightening.
posted by suelac at 2:08 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
So frightening.
posted by suelac at 2:08 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
"Tom Cruise and Mia Sara act by letting their mouths fall open and occasionally panting, which is weird, but it makes them kind of endearing in the same way my dog is when she wants to go for a walk. "
Love these write-ups.
posted by Kabanos at 2:10 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
Love these write-ups.
posted by Kabanos at 2:10 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
The Neverending Story's message of answering adversity by holing up in an attic and indulging in revenge fantasies never ceases to inspire me. Indeed Crom would be pleased.
posted by ocschwar at 2:16 PM on March 2, 2015 [14 favorites]
posted by ocschwar at 2:16 PM on March 2, 2015 [14 favorites]
As suggested in the comments, the only thing I remember about Beastmaster is that I'm pretty sure we saw Tanya Roberts' nipples. And it was rated PG.
posted by Slothrup at 2:23 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Slothrup at 2:23 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
I saw Krull in the theater and loved it! I plan on never re-watching it so I don't have to sully that beautiful memory.
posted by Area Man at 2:44 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Area Man at 2:44 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
If someone rescored Ladyhawke, it could be released today. I love that movie, up until the music starts playing. Everything else about it is perfect.
posted by absalom at 2:49 PM on March 2, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by absalom at 2:49 PM on March 2, 2015 [8 favorites]
I too have fond memories of watching Krull in my youth, so much so that I also have no intention of sullying them. But seriously, the glaive is the worst weapon ever, no matter how cool it seemed to 9 year old me. That is a weapon with no practical use other than to injure yourself. I seem to recall another epic fantasy film of this period which had a tri-blade sword that fired one of its blades and the glaive is still more ridiculously pointless than that.
posted by Panjandrum at 2:51 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Panjandrum at 2:51 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
It's interesting to see the fantasy a genre get post LoTR movies respectability. it still boggles my mind that one of the most popular shows on TV is about DRAGONS AND PRINCESSESS
posted by The Whelk at 2:55 PM on March 2, 2015
posted by The Whelk at 2:55 PM on March 2, 2015
Sorry but I do not get Neverending Story at all. Of course, I was in my late twenties when I saw it and I assume it was meant for someone at least ten years younger. Still, ranking it #1, over Conan. Dragonslayer, or Princess Bride et. al. that's just ridiculous. These lists are problematic but this is just ridiculous.
posted by Ber at 3:01 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Ber at 3:01 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
DragonSlayer: Awesome Weapon of Epic Destiny? Galen’s pendant amplifies his magic, and the “Dragonslayer” of the title is a spear, which Galen then charms.
"A spear". No mention that it CUT THROUGH THE ANVIL when it was being forged?
posted by CaseyB at 3:03 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
"A spear". No mention that it CUT THROUGH THE ANVIL when it was being forged?
posted by CaseyB at 3:03 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Oh yeah, well i saw krull at a drive-in as a kid, from my the custom van that my 'nam vet uncle lived in. he parked it sideways and slid open the door and we watched from his bed.
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 3:09 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 3:09 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
Ah...there ain't no extruded fantasy product that is quite like 80s extruded fantasy product.
posted by NoxAeternum at 3:12 PM on March 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by NoxAeternum at 3:12 PM on March 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
one of the most popular shows on TV is about DRAGONS AND PRINCESSESS
And still maintains the other half of the epic fantasy equation: tits and murder
posted by Panjandrum at 3:14 PM on March 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
And still maintains the other half of the epic fantasy equation: tits and murder
posted by Panjandrum at 3:14 PM on March 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
Nope. Just nope. Highlander and Beastmaster are ranked way too low. The Sword and the Sorcerer doesn't appear at all! And Neverending Story ahead of Princess Bride? Nope. Strike three, he's out.
Seriously, WTF. Bro, do you even watch 1980s fantasy movies?
If someone rescored Ladyhawke, it could be released today. I love that movie, up until the music starts playing. Everything else about it is perfect.
True enough. Don't get me wrong. I love me some Alan Parsons Project, but that was totally not the place for it. Also I might have replaced Matthew Broderick, but I'm not really sure with who. Rutger Hauer and Michelle Pfeiffer were perfect.
posted by Naberius at 3:34 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Seriously, WTF. Bro, do you even watch 1980s fantasy movies?
If someone rescored Ladyhawke, it could be released today. I love that movie, up until the music starts playing. Everything else about it is perfect.
True enough. Don't get me wrong. I love me some Alan Parsons Project, but that was totally not the place for it. Also I might have replaced Matthew Broderick, but I'm not really sure with who. Rutger Hauer and Michelle Pfeiffer were perfect.
posted by Naberius at 3:34 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
The Krull Effect: The bitter disappointment one experiences when re-watching a beloved childhood movie as an adult. Usually accompanied by a moment of personal introspection.
posted by bstreep at 3:35 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by bstreep at 3:35 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
Monsieur Caution: my husband found Princess Bride mildly amusing but read me some anecdotes from nearly every page of As You Wish and had a distinct mancrush on Cary Elwes by the end. Not high art but definite fun, just like most of this list.
posted by tchemgrrl at 3:42 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by tchemgrrl at 3:42 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Bro, do you even watch 1980s fantasy movies?
If the author's listed byline of "Leah" didn't tip you off, allow my personal acquaintance with Leah to attest that the "bro" ain't a bro.
And also allow my personal acquaintance with he to attest that not only does she watch them, she organizes kick-ass viewing parties (or at least used to) drawing from a vast personal collection which includes not only all of the listed films, but also NIGHT OF THE LEPUS and THE HE-MAN CHRISTMAS SPECIAL.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:07 PM on March 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
If the author's listed byline of "Leah" didn't tip you off, allow my personal acquaintance with Leah to attest that the "bro" ain't a bro.
And also allow my personal acquaintance with he to attest that not only does she watch them, she organizes kick-ass viewing parties (or at least used to) drawing from a vast personal collection which includes not only all of the listed films, but also NIGHT OF THE LEPUS and THE HE-MAN CHRISTMAS SPECIAL.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:07 PM on March 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
Of the movies listed here that I saw with my sons, I liked every one. What does that say about me as an old lady? Most of them were watched multiple times. My son who now works in computer graphics special effects in the movie industry must have watched Conan hundreds of times, and drew countless pictures based on the movie. I do think Princess Bride was my favorite, but they were all fun.
posted by mermayd at 4:09 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by mermayd at 4:09 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Ugh, does anyone remember an 80's fantasy movie that involved a kid's memories being turned into some kind of balls of eternal youth for an evil queen? I always think it's Labyrinth because of the contact juggling scenes, but it's not, although it might ALSO have contact juggling because 80's and balls. I was hoping it'd be on this list but it's not.
posted by tchemgrrl at 4:22 PM on March 2, 2015
posted by tchemgrrl at 4:22 PM on March 2, 2015
THATS THE NEVERENDING STORY 2
posted by The Whelk at 4:30 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 4:30 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
The winged devourers in Beastmaster definitely gave me nightmares as a kid. In fact, what the hell were my parents doing letting a 6-year-old watch that thing? Yikes.
posted by offalark at 4:31 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by offalark at 4:31 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
I had no idea I needed this list in my life until now.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 4:31 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 4:31 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Aww man I love the Ladyhawke soundtrack. You people are mean
posted by Doleful Creature at 4:37 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Doleful Creature at 4:37 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
Ah...there ain't no extruded fantasy product that is quite like 80s extruded fantasy product.
Right! I recently saw Hawk the Slayer and The Sword and the Sorcerer, because of Rifftrax. It reminded me of how, well, airless bad fantasy movies* seemed to me, even as a kid, when I didn't have the words to describe that. I think this is because of the rafts of smoke from the dry ice they would bring in to hide the cheapness of the sets and make the whole thing look more mystical.
-----
* And novels. The John Maddox Roberts-y kind where it's all bronzey battles and sex and who cares. I remember reading Queens of Land and Sea, which is like fourth in a series of its kind, then looking up abruptly and thinking, this is terrible. At age twelve, it was a pivotal moment in my reading life.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:25 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Right! I recently saw Hawk the Slayer and The Sword and the Sorcerer, because of Rifftrax. It reminded me of how, well, airless bad fantasy movies* seemed to me, even as a kid, when I didn't have the words to describe that. I think this is because of the rafts of smoke from the dry ice they would bring in to hide the cheapness of the sets and make the whole thing look more mystical.
-----
* And novels. The John Maddox Roberts-y kind where it's all bronzey battles and sex and who cares. I remember reading Queens of Land and Sea, which is like fourth in a series of its kind, then looking up abruptly and thinking, this is terrible. At age twelve, it was a pivotal moment in my reading life.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:25 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
The list does not even include Deathstalker, or The Sword and the Sorceror, which has a TRIPLE. BLADED. ROCKET. SWORD. that shoots swords.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:31 PM on March 2, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:31 PM on March 2, 2015 [4 favorites]
Looking through my collection, it's also missing Flesh and Blood, Time Bandits, Heavy Metal, Conan the Destroyer, Red Sonja, Barbarian Queen, Fire and Ice, The Warrior & The Sorceress, and Hercules (with Lou Ferigno).
posted by fings at 6:28 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by fings at 6:28 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Author did not mention Liam Neeson'a appearance on Krull: credibility suspect.
posted by bq at 6:36 PM on March 2, 2015
posted by bq at 6:36 PM on March 2, 2015
Author did not mention Liam Neeson'a appearance on Krull: credibility suspect.
On the contrary: "Colwyn is supposed to marry Princess Lyssa, but she gets kidnapped by an evil shapeshifting Kraken, so he and his Glaive go on a quest to find her, collecting Robbie Coltrane, Liam Neeson, a blind seer, a cyclops, and a magician who can turn into a tiger along the way." (emphasis added)
posted by jedicus at 6:57 PM on March 2, 2015
On the contrary: "Colwyn is supposed to marry Princess Lyssa, but she gets kidnapped by an evil shapeshifting Kraken, so he and his Glaive go on a quest to find her, collecting Robbie Coltrane, Liam Neeson, a blind seer, a cyclops, and a magician who can turn into a tiger along the way." (emphasis added)
posted by jedicus at 6:57 PM on March 2, 2015
Dragonslayer. Why does no one seem to remember Dragonslayer? Dragonslayer was awesome.
also for some reason I had the comic book adaptation which i loved i mean look at this cover for fuck's sake
posted by phooky at 7:02 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
also for some reason I had the comic book adaptation which i loved i mean look at this cover for fuck's sake
posted by phooky at 7:02 PM on March 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
If the author's listed byline of "Leah" didn't tip you off, allow my personal acquaintance with Leah to attest that the "bro" ain't a bro.
That's the "rhetorical bro" of course.
But Neverending Story? Really? Number One? Ah, kids today...
posted by Naberius at 9:01 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
That's the "rhetorical bro" of course.
But Neverending Story? Really? Number One? Ah, kids today...
posted by Naberius at 9:01 PM on March 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
Yeah, so Red Sonja would be out. (It's ... not great, but it was a bold foray in an attempt to batter at the fortress of 1980's Hollywood's casual mysogyny. Brigitte Nielsen fights Arnold Schwarzenegger to test whether he's worthy to sex her. And she holds her own! Earlier on, she deals favourably with underaged power-rape. Then again, the copy I rented from the college town video rental store had the final fight all but unwatchable because it had been rewound and rewatched so many times. All told, much less bad than Conan the Destroyer, fwiw.)
But not having Knight Riders (1981) with Ed Harris, Tom Savini, and most of all Patricia Tallman in that list is a heinous oversight.
posted by porpoise at 9:33 PM on March 2, 2015
But not having Knight Riders (1981) with Ed Harris, Tom Savini, and most of all Patricia Tallman in that list is a heinous oversight.
posted by porpoise at 9:33 PM on March 2, 2015
Knight Riders is indeed a lovely film (though Romero could have used a good editor, or at least someone with the power to make him cut 20 minutes of it) but I'm not sure it fits in this company. It's really more of a drama about people trying to live their fantasies in a real world that isn't always receptive to that.
posted by Naberius at 10:01 PM on March 2, 2015
posted by Naberius at 10:01 PM on March 2, 2015
I am kind of surprised how many of these I've seen, considering how young I was when they came out. My personal favorite on the list is Willow. To this day I have a thing for red-headed bearded men because of a crush I developed at the age of 6 on Madmartigan's friend Airk.
posted by jenjenc at 4:27 AM on March 3, 2015
posted by jenjenc at 4:27 AM on March 3, 2015
No Time Bandits. Insert those initials here that mean this list is invalid, your favorite band sucks and I am seized with feelings of vague doom and anomie.
posted by mygothlaundry at 5:24 AM on March 3, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by mygothlaundry at 5:24 AM on March 3, 2015 [3 favorites]
For a decade with so much Extruded Fantasy Product, the 80s also had some tippy-top stuff. I really can't rank the very best of these. They're all best, depending on whether it's Tuesday or Friday.
First #1: Return to Oz. #1#1 here because also #1#1 on my personal list of best movies evar, beating out Seven Samurai, Children of Paradise, every one of those.
Jack Pumpkinhead (re. wind-up robot Tik Tok): If his brain's run down, how can he talk?
Dorothy: Oh, it happens to people all the time.
Second #1: Dragonslayer. the 'Dragonslayer' of the title is a spear, which Galen then charms. There's more to it than that. It also (imho) refers to all the many characters who fight or otherwise attempt to deal with the dragon, each in his own way. SPOILERS FOLLOW. There's the old wizard (the very great Ralph Richardson) who actually has enough power to kill the dragon and does so (sacrificing himself in the process.) There's the young wizard who has plenty of courage for dragon-slaying but not yet enough power. There's the Christian priest who fights the dragon with chanted prayers and a crucifix (faith/courage 20/20, holy symbol effectiveness 0/20; crucifixes work no better on dragons than they do on Dracula.) There's the young princess who discovers her name has always been unfairly kept out of the spring and fall lotteries, replaces all the names in the current lottery with her own, and heads off to the dragon's lair by herself to earn her people another six months of not being incinerated. There's the bad guy who's perfectly OK with continuing to pacify the dragon with a couple of virgins a year and who attacks the young wizard for interfering. (The young wizard's very badass-looking polearm doesn't do much to the dragon but it does the job just fine on the bad guy--in a surprising and highly satisfactory way.) And there's the wretched King who shows up at the dead dragon's corpse after the old wizard did it in, places the point of his sword on the corpse's forehead, and claims the deed as his own. Dragonslayers all.
(This is the first movie I remember in which they managed to animate a huge flying beast so that the wing flaps looked right.)
Third #1: Princess Bride. It's just utterly astonishing that there could be other fantasy movies as good as this one. There are, but it's utterly astonishing.
(What a roll Rob Reiner was on in the 1980s. Princess Bride, Stand By Me, Spinal Tap, When Harry Met Sally, it just goes on.)
Fourth #1: Neverending Story. Ocschwar's comment, above, can't be improved on. Or anyway I certainly can't.
Fifth #1: Conan. For the casting. Ahnold was born to play Conan as surely as Shelley Duvall was born to play Olive Oyl. Nb, the pull quote used here for Conan should always have an asterisk and a credit for the IRL person who really actually IRL said it perfectly seriously IRL. (Genghis Khan)
posted by jfuller at 7:09 AM on March 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
First #1: Return to Oz. #1#1 here because also #1#1 on my personal list of best movies evar, beating out Seven Samurai, Children of Paradise, every one of those.
Jack Pumpkinhead (re. wind-up robot Tik Tok): If his brain's run down, how can he talk?
Dorothy: Oh, it happens to people all the time.
Second #1: Dragonslayer. the 'Dragonslayer' of the title is a spear, which Galen then charms. There's more to it than that. It also (imho) refers to all the many characters who fight or otherwise attempt to deal with the dragon, each in his own way. SPOILERS FOLLOW. There's the old wizard (the very great Ralph Richardson) who actually has enough power to kill the dragon and does so (sacrificing himself in the process.) There's the young wizard who has plenty of courage for dragon-slaying but not yet enough power. There's the Christian priest who fights the dragon with chanted prayers and a crucifix (faith/courage 20/20, holy symbol effectiveness 0/20; crucifixes work no better on dragons than they do on Dracula.) There's the young princess who discovers her name has always been unfairly kept out of the spring and fall lotteries, replaces all the names in the current lottery with her own, and heads off to the dragon's lair by herself to earn her people another six months of not being incinerated. There's the bad guy who's perfectly OK with continuing to pacify the dragon with a couple of virgins a year and who attacks the young wizard for interfering. (The young wizard's very badass-looking polearm doesn't do much to the dragon but it does the job just fine on the bad guy--in a surprising and highly satisfactory way.) And there's the wretched King who shows up at the dead dragon's corpse after the old wizard did it in, places the point of his sword on the corpse's forehead, and claims the deed as his own. Dragonslayers all.
(This is the first movie I remember in which they managed to animate a huge flying beast so that the wing flaps looked right.)
Third #1: Princess Bride. It's just utterly astonishing that there could be other fantasy movies as good as this one. There are, but it's utterly astonishing.
(What a roll Rob Reiner was on in the 1980s. Princess Bride, Stand By Me, Spinal Tap, When Harry Met Sally, it just goes on.)
Fourth #1: Neverending Story. Ocschwar's comment, above, can't be improved on. Or anyway I certainly can't.
Fifth #1: Conan. For the casting. Ahnold was born to play Conan as surely as Shelley Duvall was born to play Olive Oyl. Nb, the pull quote used here for Conan should always have an asterisk and a credit for the IRL person who really actually IRL said it perfectly seriously IRL. (Genghis Khan)
posted by jfuller at 7:09 AM on March 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
I can see why Red Sonja was left out: despite not being a "Conan" movie per se, it functioned as Conan: The Destroyer: Part 2 in a lot of ways.
posted by Oktober at 8:18 AM on March 3, 2015
posted by Oktober at 8:18 AM on March 3, 2015
adding "I'll have my revenge and Deathstalker 2!" to the list (actual title drop quote from the movie), as well as Yor: the Hunter from the Future. What can I say? When it comes to 80s fantasy, I have a type.
posted by yeolcoatl at 11:40 AM on March 3, 2015
posted by yeolcoatl at 11:40 AM on March 3, 2015
Legend was such an odd movie, in that it seems to keep forgetting that Tim Curry/Darkness/Satan-In-All-But-Name was the bad guy and you'd get these extended scenes of him just swanning around in a huge cloak being fabulous and hilarious and charismatic, just booming at people in giant halls and having the time of his life.
And then it was like the movie suddenly remembered 'OH Tom Cruise/Jack is the main character shit shit adjust course' and we'd switch back to bland, whitebread Generic Poor-But-Noble Hero and it would try vainly to convince itself that he was really cool and interesting.
Which is, I think, the fundamental reason for the vaguely-Hannibal Lecter-ish elf character who spends the entire movie hissing snide, undermining, rude shit at Jack. The creators needed some sort of valve to release all the 'Oh god, we have to pretend Tom Cruise is cooler than Tim Curry?!' tension.
posted by pseudonymph at 8:28 PM on March 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
And then it was like the movie suddenly remembered 'OH Tom Cruise/Jack is the main character shit shit adjust course' and we'd switch back to bland, whitebread Generic Poor-But-Noble Hero and it would try vainly to convince itself that he was really cool and interesting.
Which is, I think, the fundamental reason for the vaguely-Hannibal Lecter-ish elf character who spends the entire movie hissing snide, undermining, rude shit at Jack. The creators needed some sort of valve to release all the 'Oh god, we have to pretend Tom Cruise is cooler than Tim Curry?!' tension.
posted by pseudonymph at 8:28 PM on March 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
It is also, I suspect, one of the only movies that had ten-year-old me yelling 'CHOOSE SATAN, oh my god why aren't you CHOOSING SATAN, what is wrong with you' at the TV.
For the clothes alone*..!
posted by pseudonymph at 8:30 PM on March 3, 2015
For the clothes alone*..!
posted by pseudonymph at 8:30 PM on March 3, 2015
I'm thinking Conan vs Dragonslayer.
Conan has the character/ casting thing with spatial relations and conspicuous shots of Arnold Ab's.
The set like nature that Dragonslayer in the middle of the movie somehow chomps the story arc then the movie resumes all is well.
This was solved by two vcrs, ha the auto correct is vCard.
posted by clavdivs at 1:24 AM on March 4, 2015
Conan has the character/ casting thing with spatial relations and conspicuous shots of Arnold Ab's.
The set like nature that Dragonslayer in the middle of the movie somehow chomps the story arc then the movie resumes all is well.
This was solved by two vcrs, ha the auto correct is vCard.
posted by clavdivs at 1:24 AM on March 4, 2015
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