There is a rumbling in the sky. All the wheat disappears.
March 3, 2015 4:06 PM Subscribe
This summer... you will have wood for sheep.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:27 PM on March 3, 2015 [21 favorites]
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:27 PM on March 3, 2015 [21 favorites]
A MONSTROUS CAT as large as the whole island plants its foot on the pastureland.
I am actual facts laughing out loud here.
posted by joycehealy at 4:31 PM on March 3, 2015 [8 favorites]
I am actual facts laughing out loud here.
posted by joycehealy at 4:31 PM on March 3, 2015 [8 favorites]
FIRST SETTLERHe looks thoughtful.
I wonder who those men coming towards us are.
SECOND SETTLER.
Indeed. I see Leader is with them.
THEIR LEADER approaches
LEADER
Tremble settlers! Before you comes the largest army the world has ever seen.
SECOND SETTLER
Really? There's only three soldiers.
LEADER
I am aware of this. It is still the largest in the land.
FIRST SETTLER
Actually I heard the blue people have four now.
LEADER
Curses!
If I gave you both a sheep, some wheat and this piece of rock I found would you consider a career in the military?posted by garius at 4:51 PM on March 3, 2015 [26 favorites]
I just hope this movie finally asks some tough questions, like what exactly happened to the Indigenous Peoples of Catan.
posted by mrjohnmuller at 4:54 PM on March 3, 2015 [25 favorites]
posted by mrjohnmuller at 4:54 PM on March 3, 2015 [25 favorites]
I know nothing of this board game, and yet I began laughing uncontrollably.
posted by thomas j wise at 4:55 PM on March 3, 2015
posted by thomas j wise at 4:55 PM on March 3, 2015
Harvest more brick! Harvest as much brick as you can carry! For we shall throw it into the sea at our sacred cove and the sea shall return whatever we require!
posted by Navelgazer at 4:58 PM on March 3, 2015 [14 favorites]
posted by Navelgazer at 4:58 PM on March 3, 2015 [14 favorites]
Well, none of this is the settlers' fault.
What does Naberius really mean? Is he being sarcastic? Does he think it is the settlers' fault? How will we ever know?
posted by Naberius at 5:17 PM on March 3, 2015
What does Naberius really mean? Is he being sarcastic? Does he think it is the settlers' fault? How will we ever know?
posted by Naberius at 5:17 PM on March 3, 2015
I feel you could make a perfectly good horror movie from some of our games of Catan. The ones where vast herds of sheep are driven into the grinders to be forged into bricks and stone, and even wheat to feed our people. Day and night, the agonized baas fill the air. Some say that on the day of the martyrdom of St. Ovis, that the very roads will ooze blood...
posted by tavella at 7:21 PM on March 3, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by tavella at 7:21 PM on March 3, 2015 [8 favorites]
you will have wood for sheep
It took twenty one whole minutes for this joke to be made.
MeFi, I am disappoint.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:43 PM on March 3, 2015 [7 favorites]
It took twenty one whole minutes for this joke to be made.
MeFi, I am disappoint.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:43 PM on March 3, 2015 [7 favorites]
The world ends as the blue settlers build a slightly longer road than every other nation.
posted by humanfont at 8:13 PM on March 3, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by humanfont at 8:13 PM on March 3, 2015 [5 favorites]
I'm home on the sofa with a terrible cold and this sent me into fits of laughter which then triggered a horrible coughing fit. Ow. Worth it, though.
posted by Lexica at 8:45 PM on March 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Lexica at 8:45 PM on March 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
I liked the names of the settlers, that's a clever little reference.
posted by JHarris at 11:25 PM on March 3, 2015
posted by JHarris at 11:25 PM on March 3, 2015
"Hey guys! Wouldn't it be hilarious to pretend the map is the territory?"
posted by weston at 11:29 PM on March 3, 2015
posted by weston at 11:29 PM on March 3, 2015
Is this from some Theorists of Catan expansion I am unaware of?
posted by Dr Dracator at 11:34 PM on March 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Dr Dracator at 11:34 PM on March 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
"Hey guys! Wouldn't it be hilarious to pretend the map is the territory?"
Yeah, but whole genres of comedy can be dismissed by that sentence.
posted by JHarris at 1:22 AM on March 4, 2015
Yeah, but whole genres of comedy can be dismissed by that sentence.
posted by JHarris at 1:22 AM on March 4, 2015
Catan is a game where almost half of the points you need to win can be earned by otherwise useless overexpansion of infrastructure and building a dominant army during peacetime. I have no idea how they expect America to relate to this.
posted by parliboy at 6:22 AM on March 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by parliboy at 6:22 AM on March 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
We always liked to play that the trading ports at the edge of the island were actually ingenious factories. So when I claimed the one that allowed me to auto-trade N sheep for 1 of anything, we began to spin a story that it was a gruesome sheep-rendering plant.
Mineral extraction from sheep's blood, ingenious compressed wool boards, and of course bonemeal bricks. The grain was always a secret recipe.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 7:31 AM on March 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
Mineral extraction from sheep's blood, ingenious compressed wool boards, and of course bonemeal bricks. The grain was always a secret recipe.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 7:31 AM on March 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
thomas j wise, joooooooooooooiinnnnnnn ussssss. :) (Seriously, it's a great game.)
posted by joycehealy at 9:43 AM on March 4, 2015
posted by joycehealy at 9:43 AM on March 4, 2015
Catan is a game where almost half of the points you need to win can be earned by otherwise useless overexpansion of infrastructure and building a dominant army during peacetime. I have no idea how they expect America to relate to this.
Those sources of points (Longest Road, Largest Army, development card points) are largely shallow, because they do not increase your resource income like settlements and cities do. They put you directly closer to winning, but will be overcome in the long term by players who make good long-term investments.
Additional analogies to the United States could easily be drawn here.
posted by JHarris at 1:53 PM on March 4, 2015
Those sources of points (Longest Road, Largest Army, development card points) are largely shallow, because they do not increase your resource income like settlements and cities do. They put you directly closer to winning, but will be overcome in the long term by players who make good long-term investments.
Additional analogies to the United States could easily be drawn here.
posted by JHarris at 1:53 PM on March 4, 2015
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posted by humanfont at 4:18 PM on March 3, 2015