"If someone stole it, it's got to be good."
March 8, 2015 7:39 AM Subscribe
San Francisco police are investigating a burglary [SLNYT] at Mr Holmes Bakehouse in the Tenderloin: “We don’t have a particular demographic, except it’s someone who wants to make a really delicious pastry.”
Cruffin!? Baking has descended into self parody.
*immediatedly Googles cruffin to find local knockoff and stands in line for 2 hours for it*
posted by vorpal bunny at 7:47 AM on March 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
*immediatedly Googles cruffin to find local knockoff and stands in line for 2 hours for it*
posted by vorpal bunny at 7:47 AM on March 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
I am slightly ashamed to admit that I tried the Dunkin knockoff of the cronut, the simply named "croissant donut". It was OK, but not better than the cruller, my DD fave.
This, I would try.
posted by pointystick at 7:53 AM on March 8, 2015
This, I would try.
posted by pointystick at 7:53 AM on March 8, 2015
Yeah, cruffins sound better than cronuts. Deep-frying the thing seems like total overkill.
I'm sort of in favor of the upscale baked-good trend. It seems relatively democratic. Most of us could not easily afford to splurge for a meal at an amazing restaurant, but we could wait in line once in a while for a $4.50 artisanal donut. And baked goods are delicious.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 7:59 AM on March 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
I'm sort of in favor of the upscale baked-good trend. It seems relatively democratic. Most of us could not easily afford to splurge for a meal at an amazing restaurant, but we could wait in line once in a while for a $4.50 artisanal donut. And baked goods are delicious.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 7:59 AM on March 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
I don't know. A cruffin sounds like a puffin who has taken on the crusty lifestyle. Neither of which sounds delicious.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:15 AM on March 8, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:15 AM on March 8, 2015 [9 favorites]
Between getting a New York Times article about your stolen secret recipes, and "we stay open until we sell out" this guy's got a pretty good head for marketing. I must say, the pictures on his website look amazing and I am definitely inclined to go visit next time I'm in Frisco.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:18 AM on March 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:18 AM on March 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
a puffin who has taken on the crusty lifestyle
I would read that comic.
posted by box at 8:26 AM on March 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
I would read that comic.
posted by box at 8:26 AM on March 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
Cruffin? I still haven't seen a cronut in the wild and now there's cruffins? My city is seriously behind on its pastry trends.
posted by octothorpe at 8:27 AM on March 8, 2015
posted by octothorpe at 8:27 AM on March 8, 2015
Cruffin? I still haven't seen a cronut in the wild and now there's cruffins?
Wait until they get combined in the cronuffin.
Soon after, we will reach the pastry Singularity -- the Pastingunlarity, if you will.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:37 AM on March 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
Wait until they get combined in the cronuffin.
Soon after, we will reach the pastry Singularity -- the Pastingunlarity, if you will.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:37 AM on March 8, 2015 [6 favorites]
The Pastingularity is spaghetti inside ziti inside cannelloni, made into lasagne and stuffed with truffles and ricotta.
Adding an R for the Pastringulairty would be...a lobster tail made of muffin tops wrapped in croissant dough dusted with powdered sugar and stuffed with mini chocolate chips. And fried. With whipped cream.
posted by wenestvedt at 8:48 AM on March 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
Adding an R for the Pastringulairty would be...a lobster tail made of muffin tops wrapped in croissant dough dusted with powdered sugar and stuffed with mini chocolate chips. And fried. With whipped cream.
posted by wenestvedt at 8:48 AM on March 8, 2015 [5 favorites]
San Francisco police are investigating a burglary at Mr Holmes Bakehouse
THE BUTTER DID IT!
posted by argonauta at 9:24 AM on March 8, 2015 [19 favorites]
THE BUTTER DID IT!
posted by argonauta at 9:24 AM on March 8, 2015 [19 favorites]
Those cruffins were STOLLEN!
posted by chavenet at 9:35 AM on March 8, 2015 [23 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 9:35 AM on March 8, 2015 [23 favorites]
I suspect Watson.
posted by leotrotsky at 9:36 AM on March 8, 2015
posted by leotrotsky at 9:36 AM on March 8, 2015
You'll find Watson discussed at length a couple threads up.
posted by maryr at 9:51 AM on March 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by maryr at 9:51 AM on March 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
The Pastingularity is spaghetti inside ziti inside cannelloni, made into lasagne and stuffed with truffles and ricotta.
Adding an R for the Pastringulairty would be...a lobster tail made of muffin tops wrapped in croissant dough dusted with powdered sugar and stuffed with mini chocolate chips. And fried. With whipped cream.
I would eat both of these things. And every goddamn thing in the pictures of the bakery because wow.
You'll find Watson discussed at length a couple threads up.
*applause*
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:11 AM on March 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
Adding an R for the Pastringulairty would be...a lobster tail made of muffin tops wrapped in croissant dough dusted with powdered sugar and stuffed with mini chocolate chips. And fried. With whipped cream.
I would eat both of these things. And every goddamn thing in the pictures of the bakery because wow.
You'll find Watson discussed at length a couple threads up.
*applause*
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:11 AM on March 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
I was pretty skeptical of this rampant pastry hybridization until I went to Japan this last December, where I had both croissant-pretzels and pretzel-croissants. The salty, crescent-shaped one was fantastic, while the flakey, knot-shaped one was merely quite good.
posted by aubilenon at 10:23 AM on March 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by aubilenon at 10:23 AM on March 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
The Pastingularity is spaghetti inside ziti inside cannelloni, made into lasagne and stuffed with truffles and ricotta.
That's the Pastangularity, a totally different eschaton. With less recursive deep-frying and flaky layers, I imagine.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:45 AM on March 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
That's the Pastangularity, a totally different eschaton. With less recursive deep-frying and flaky layers, I imagine.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:45 AM on March 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
It comes after the Great Truffibulation.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:47 AM on March 8, 2015
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:47 AM on March 8, 2015
Is he sure they weren't in that armoire he gave to Kramer?
posted by lagomorphius at 10:53 AM on March 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by lagomorphius at 10:53 AM on March 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
Mr. Holmes Bakehouse is on my city block and is one of the latest signs of gentrification on this North edge of the Tenderloin (often referred to as the TenderNob).
Anyhow, I love me some pastries and Mr. Holmes Bakehouse has replaced my go to donut shop (Donuts & Things fantastic old-fashioned glazed).
The staff are fantastic and the patrons are edgier than the typical SF hipster (more black leather workboots and stockings than flannel and mustaches).
The first two weeks Mr. Holmes was open you could get cruffins right when they came out of the oven. Heck, you could get any pastry, period, without no waiting.
That all changed once word spread.
Cruffins are ready at 9 (Mr. Holmes opens at 7 on weekdays), and by 8am, the cruffin-only line is usually about 30 people long.
My friend went to get some cruffins and stood in line for 40 minutes. 2 people away from the line's head, Mr. Holmes ran out of cruffins. She and the nearly 30 people behind her were asked to move to the end of the regular pastry-only line which had at least 30 people in it already.
aside: To this day, I've not had one of these delectable cruffins but I have had one of the delicious cronuts from the Fillmore Bakeshop. Fillmore Bakeshop's cronuts are also available starting at 9. Unlike the cruffins, however, it's usually possible to get a cronut up until about noon.
posted by mistersquid at 11:21 AM on March 8, 2015
Anyhow, I love me some pastries and Mr. Holmes Bakehouse has replaced my go to donut shop (Donuts & Things fantastic old-fashioned glazed).
The staff are fantastic and the patrons are edgier than the typical SF hipster (more black leather workboots and stockings than flannel and mustaches).
The first two weeks Mr. Holmes was open you could get cruffins right when they came out of the oven. Heck, you could get any pastry, period, without no waiting.
That all changed once word spread.
Cruffins are ready at 9 (Mr. Holmes opens at 7 on weekdays), and by 8am, the cruffin-only line is usually about 30 people long.
My friend went to get some cruffins and stood in line for 40 minutes. 2 people away from the line's head, Mr. Holmes ran out of cruffins. She and the nearly 30 people behind her were asked to move to the end of the regular pastry-only line which had at least 30 people in it already.
aside: To this day, I've not had one of these delectable cruffins but I have had one of the delicious cronuts from the Fillmore Bakeshop. Fillmore Bakeshop's cronuts are also available starting at 9. Unlike the cruffins, however, it's usually possible to get a cronut up until about noon.
posted by mistersquid at 11:21 AM on March 8, 2015
The staff are fantastic and the patrons are edgier than the typical SF hipster...
If you are waiting in line more than 15 seconds for a donut, you are as fucking hipster as it can get, no matter what uniform you are wearing.
posted by sideshow at 11:24 AM on March 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
If you are waiting in line more than 15 seconds for a donut, you are as fucking hipster as it can get, no matter what uniform you are wearing.
posted by sideshow at 11:24 AM on March 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
sideshow, yeah no question many of the pastry connoisseurs in SF have a lot of time privilege, but to be fair, even bubble gum machines in SF have lines.
posted by mistersquid at 11:31 AM on March 8, 2015
posted by mistersquid at 11:31 AM on March 8, 2015
That's only because the gumballs cost $2.50 apiece and come from an artisanal gumball shop in SoMa that make flavors like Bacon French-Toast, Flan Croissant, and Tacolicious.
posted by ardgedee at 11:58 AM on March 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by ardgedee at 11:58 AM on March 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
And to think it all started with the humble Croissandwich™.
posted by univac at 12:20 PM on March 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by univac at 12:20 PM on March 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
I want you all to know that I was just reading a sentence with the word "crony" in it. My brain processed that as an ungodly mix of a croissant and a pony. I hope you are all satisfied!
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:20 PM on March 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:20 PM on March 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
My brain processed that as an ungodly mix of a croissant and a pony.
Hey, no cutting, get to the back of the line!
posted by chavenet at 12:47 PM on March 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
Hey, no cutting, get to the back of the line!
posted by chavenet at 12:47 PM on March 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
Is it just me or does this sound like an episode of Scooby Doo?
posted by jonmc at 1:05 PM on March 8, 2015
posted by jonmc at 1:05 PM on March 8, 2015
Taking a look at photos the cruffin bears a striking resemblance to the Morning Bun of Kowalski's Grocery Store Bakery. The only thing missing is the filling but baked in a muffin tin with a crunchy exterior and a laminated dough interior? Yeah, looks very similar and morning buns seem to be a thing in west coast but I do not recall them growing up in California. Also, morning buns seems to have originated in the midwest (Wisconsin?) If there is a Twin Cities person who had both could chime in, it would be lovely.
posted by jadepearl at 1:43 PM on March 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by jadepearl at 1:43 PM on March 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
The cruffin's a MacGuffin.
posted by Metroid Baby at 1:50 PM on March 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by Metroid Baby at 1:50 PM on March 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
Even if you had some reason why you would want to steal recipes, why would you break into a place, and then stand around carefully removing recipes out of the binder, when you could just steal the whole thing? If you were going to just take one or two, sure, that way maybe nobody notices for days and it's harder to investigate, but it's pretty pointless to all but empty them.
So assuming that it was a genuine theft and not a publicity stunt, I'd guess it was an employee or other visitor the afternoon before. Someone who knew that they had already finished their baking for the day and thus wouldn't be looking inside the binders until the next morning, but knew that someone would notice if the binders themselves weren't on the shelf.
posted by tavella at 2:27 PM on March 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
So assuming that it was a genuine theft and not a publicity stunt, I'd guess it was an employee or other visitor the afternoon before. Someone who knew that they had already finished their baking for the day and thus wouldn't be looking inside the binders until the next morning, but knew that someone would notice if the binders themselves weren't on the shelf.
posted by tavella at 2:27 PM on March 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
I suspect Watson.
I can't believe that with all the Sherlock Holmes variations in the media today that nobody has identified the obvious prime suspect: Moriarty.
Unless the establishment was named after Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr., in which case the prime suspect would be a descendent of George Frisbie Hoar, the Senator who tried to block Holmes' nomination to the Supreme Court. (your history lesson for today... and mine)
Side note: The largest securities fraud scandal in my relatively unimportant part of California involved an investment firm owned by a man named Al Moriarty. I still can't believe anybody would invest their money with someone with THAT name... who were his competitors? Soprano? Gekko? Söze? Badenov?
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:52 PM on March 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
I can't believe that with all the Sherlock Holmes variations in the media today that nobody has identified the obvious prime suspect: Moriarty.
Unless the establishment was named after Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr., in which case the prime suspect would be a descendent of George Frisbie Hoar, the Senator who tried to block Holmes' nomination to the Supreme Court. (your history lesson for today... and mine)
Side note: The largest securities fraud scandal in my relatively unimportant part of California involved an investment firm owned by a man named Al Moriarty. I still can't believe anybody would invest their money with someone with THAT name... who were his competitors? Soprano? Gekko? Söze? Badenov?
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:52 PM on March 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
Next trend, the cruss'tnut, a croissant made from doughnuts.
posted by zippy at 5:38 PM on March 8, 2015
posted by zippy at 5:38 PM on March 8, 2015
Yeah those things are totally just regular morning buns, but echoing what Slarty Bartfast said above calling them cruffins is a clever bit of marketing, tying them into cronut hype and general hysteria for anything croissant related.
posted by rq at 10:59 PM on March 8, 2015
posted by rq at 10:59 PM on March 8, 2015
The cafe near my house sells doughnut-muffin hybrids. They're SUPER SWEET.
posted by divabat at 11:33 PM on March 8, 2015
posted by divabat at 11:33 PM on March 8, 2015
Mr. Holmes is my local bakery, they have a really great baker. In fact, I wrote the Yelp review that mentioned them opening a store; prior to that, they sold directly to stores, cafes, etc. It's incredible to have such a good place nearby, especially given that we are in a seedy part of town.
The only problem being... it is *sooo* hard to visit them nowadays. I went past there the other day, and there were lines stretching a third of the block fron the door, in either direction. And these are not short blocks here! One a cruffin line, the other apprently not.
It's 6 am on a Monday. I wonder whether if I go early today, I could get out of there in 10 minutes? I kinda doubt it. Maybe I should wait for an early morning squall or something, so I can get tasty baked goods again.
posted by markkraft at 5:57 AM on March 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
The only problem being... it is *sooo* hard to visit them nowadays. I went past there the other day, and there were lines stretching a third of the block fron the door, in either direction. And these are not short blocks here! One a cruffin line, the other apprently not.
It's 6 am on a Monday. I wonder whether if I go early today, I could get out of there in 10 minutes? I kinda doubt it. Maybe I should wait for an early morning squall or something, so I can get tasty baked goods again.
posted by markkraft at 5:57 AM on March 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
Even burglary is getting gentrified in San Francisco. In the last couple months there were two burglaries at Music Lovers and one at SF Audiovisual. Smash and grabs, one with a truck. Up to a hundred kilodollars where taken.
These are the kind of places that sell 4k USD electrostatic headphones and tube amps, 100 USD a foot speaker wire and 50k USD speakers.
I checked Craigslist and the audiophile trading forums, and nothing has shown up.
I have to imagine some burglars in their lair with a killer audio system baking delicious pastry in their profesional kitchens.
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 6:08 AM on March 9, 2015
These are the kind of places that sell 4k USD electrostatic headphones and tube amps, 100 USD a foot speaker wire and 50k USD speakers.
I checked Craigslist and the audiophile trading forums, and nothing has shown up.
I have to imagine some burglars in their lair with a killer audio system baking delicious pastry in their profesional kitchens.
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 6:08 AM on March 9, 2015
Yeah, looks very similar and morning buns seem to be a thing in west coast but I do not recall them growing up in California. Also, morning buns seems to have originated in the midwest (Wisconsin?)
One of my favorite places in Boston, Sofra, makes a morning bun that is like chunks of croissant baked together with an orange blossom glaze. It appears fairly dissimilar to both Mr. Holmes and Kowalski's products, but could reasonably be described as a cruffin if you were feeling gimicky as well. Huh.
posted by maryr at 10:56 AM on March 9, 2015
One of my favorite places in Boston, Sofra, makes a morning bun that is like chunks of croissant baked together with an orange blossom glaze. It appears fairly dissimilar to both Mr. Holmes and Kowalski's products, but could reasonably be described as a cruffin if you were feeling gimicky as well. Huh.
posted by maryr at 10:56 AM on March 9, 2015
oneswellfoop, I may not be reading that diagram correctly. I'd think the first pathway would yield "Doughnant" rather than "Cronut" as its AB vector rather than BA vector.
Also, the diagram is missing "cragel" which is yummy which can be got at House of Bagels on Geary in the Inner Richmond:
posted by mistersquid at 7:59 AM on March 11, 2015
Also, the diagram is missing "cragel" which is yummy which can be got at House of Bagels on Geary in the Inner Richmond:
I loooved the cragels. The flaky texture of a croissant on the outside and a bagel in the center, I thought it was so delicious! And would definitely come back again. While the plain cragel was good, I think the cinnamon sugar cragel is my favorite since the sugar added an extra crunch and flavor. Cragel Yelp reviewThe cheese and jalapeño Cragel is fiery and tasty.
posted by mistersquid at 7:59 AM on March 11, 2015
The lines were infinitely better today. Talked to Ry the lead baker, who mentioned that they are taking steps to improve them... which include a second baking. They've also hired a bunch of new staff to speed things up, which is nice.
So, for you food porn fans, today we have the poppy seed almond cake, a raspberry danish, a chocolate cookie, a chocolate nib cookiie, and a chocolate croissant for you to appreciate from afar. Had a chocolate nib cookie earlier, which was an ecstatic experience fresh out of the oven. Equal parts of crispy, soft, and melty indulgence.
Making a nice cuppa. Choices, choices...
posted by markkraft at 12:25 PM on March 11, 2015
So, for you food porn fans, today we have the poppy seed almond cake, a raspberry danish, a chocolate cookie, a chocolate nib cookiie, and a chocolate croissant for you to appreciate from afar. Had a chocolate nib cookie earlier, which was an ecstatic experience fresh out of the oven. Equal parts of crispy, soft, and melty indulgence.
Making a nice cuppa. Choices, choices...
posted by markkraft at 12:25 PM on March 11, 2015
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