"clothing is personal and everything has a story"

March 13, 2015 5:53 AM

Clothes to Deploy for Uncomfortable Situations

Imagine this, you’re a start-up attending your first business card exchange. You’re in your zone, with speaking points ready to go and pockets stuffed with original laser cut business cards, but then the reality sets in. Everyone is already clustered in little groups conversing among themselves, and there you are left alone. It’s an awkward moment and suddenly you realize you aren’t as well prepared as you thought. Well, just deploy your mega cap sleeves to show them you’re boss, or activate your funnel neck collar to escape the embarrassment. It’s your clothing and you can command it. That’s the idea behind the Clothing for Moderns by Lea Albaugh.

posted by Lexica (22 comments total)

I lolled at that cocktail party video so hard especially when the last guy comes up to her like "Ahem hello faceless stranger would u like to cheers or...?"
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:04 AM on March 13, 2015 [3 favorites]

The shoulder flaps need a bit more oomph. Maybe they could be lined in red, so they would evoke a sense of danger when deployed. Also, I don't need a collar that lets me hide as much as a collar that fires needles in all directions. They could even call it "weaponized wearables."
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:05 AM on March 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

I want that collar, but for when I'm at a bar and need to hide from my students.

(Just kidding, I get them to buy me drinks.)
posted by oddman at 6:12 AM on March 13, 2015

In the first video, with the shoulder pads, I wanted them to flare up like a desert lizard on full display, or like Tilda Swinton dressed as Queen Elizabeth.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:28 AM on March 13, 2015 [7 favorites]

^^extrovert
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:35 AM on March 13, 2015 [4 favorites]

I'd like something similar to the collar, but in a more casual scarf/hood style. I'd use it when I recognize someone at the grocery store but don't really feel up to socializing.

I'd also like something that could puff out about a foot to ward off anyone standing too close to me. Maybe with spikes, like a human blowfish.
posted by Metroid Baby at 6:36 AM on March 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

Maybe with spikes, like a human blowfish.

There was an amazing fashion video linked here before of exactly that, a full threat-display/spike costume. My searching isn't finding it so far, but it was exactly what you are describing.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:54 AM on March 13, 2015

I laughed aloud at

It’s not enough for a whole day of intimidating your boss if necessary.

posted by brainwane at 7:15 AM on March 13, 2015

I'd like something similar to the collar, but in a more casual scarf/hood style. I'd use it when I recognize someone at the grocery store but don't really feel up to socializing.

It's always so reassuring to know other people think this way; I'm actually much more likely to cross the street to avoid someone I do like than someone I don't like because if I don't like them, whatever, fuck it, we can say "hi" or nod and then just move on, but if I do like them then I feel pressured because I care and it's scary and exhausting and what if I fuck up? (Other times I feel social and am glad to see people but a lot of the time it's just TERRIFYING.)

I would really like the collar here that lets me hide. The specific appearance is not necessarily my favorite thing but I can't imagine anything better. I would like this so much. I could be snug and safe in my shirt or dress while the scary world happens outside me and we can all pretend I don't exist.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 7:31 AM on March 13, 2015 [3 favorites]

Could the collar also whisper degrading insinuations about my physique? That'd be grand thanks.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:33 AM on March 13, 2015 [2 favorites]

I too am holding out for the Puffer Fish Dress version with poison barbs.
posted by dejah420 at 7:41 AM on March 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'd use it when I recognize someone at the grocery store but don't really feel up to socializing.

This reminds me of the "gevulot" from Hannu Rajaniemi's Jean Le Flambeur books, which allows people to put up a personal privacy screen at any time. It would definitely come in handy.
posted by neushoorn at 7:49 AM on March 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'd use it when I recognize someone at the grocery store but don't really feel up to socializing.

I always think of myself as an introvert but then I read comments like this in Mefi and realize that I could be way worse.
posted by octothorpe at 8:10 AM on March 13, 2015

They could even call it "weaponized wearables."

Intel's got you covered (previously).
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 8:22 AM on March 13, 2015

Hm. Cute ideas, but they somehow just don't work for me. The collar would make me claustrophobic as Hell (and I'd probably stumble over something) and the shoulder thingies are just not dramatic enough--they suggest "frilled lizard" but don't really deliver, especially given the hardware and prep involved.

I was hoping for something along the lines of inflatable bladders that would cause the wearer to multiply in size and height, or maybe an arrangement of concealed blades that could be deployed menacingly at the touch of a button. Maybe clothing rigged with tiny strobes that could be fired at once, temporarily blinding those nearby. So many possibilities.

Gotta start somewhere.
posted by kinnakeet at 8:37 AM on March 13, 2015 [2 favorites]

Sorry, but if you're going to employ a rococo mechanized collar on your royal blue cocktail dress, you have to match it with something better than putty colored flats.
posted by xingcat at 9:00 AM on March 13, 2015 [7 favorites]

What struck me was how focused my reaction was to the concept. The collar evoked the classic Victorian collar and then more interestingly a flower opening to sunlight. It seems the strangeness of the concept, the near empty stage, and tinny music suppressed other associations. I didn't listen to the lecture link yet, but watching the videos I liked the sense of design realization in the project.
posted by xtian at 10:31 AM on March 13, 2015

Man should not be slave to clothing! NUDIST BEACH!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:08 AM on March 13, 2015

By the way, not sure people have noticed that you can read a transcript of Albaugh's talk at the Instamatique link, and page through the slides there as well. (In the video, 31:40 to 32:23 (slide 54) not safe for work because of women's breasts.)

I laughed out loud at the demo videos in "Clothing for Moderns" but I also richly appreciated the rest of Albaugh's talk, and learned about texture, weight, unpredictability, control, structure, silhouette, biomimetics, and other topics in textile-related art. And I especially liked her point about which categories of "wearables" and "e-textiles" show up a lot more in certain "maker" spaces and media than other wearables and textiles do.
posted by brainwane at 11:18 AM on March 13, 2015

I love everything about this. It's like something out of a William Gibson novel. Next step would be to have the clothes automatically react to your heart rate or other biophysical markers so that you wouldn't need to DEPLOY your intimidation frills, they'd just leap up all bristly when you got pissed off.
posted by KathrynT at 3:01 PM on March 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

The guy in the first video has perfected the mansplaining mime routine.
posted by bibliowench at 6:21 PM on March 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

Too prone to horrifying wardrobe malfunctions for my taste. I prefer an outfit like this whenever I need to assert my supremacy in an office setting.
posted by flabdablet at 6:28 PM on March 13, 2015