Likely to give pizza purists apoplexy
March 20, 2015 8:28 AM   Subscribe

31 Exciting Pizza Flavors You Have To Try. Native New Yorkers should probably not click through and may wish to revisit this thread instead.
posted by Lexica (132 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite
 
I deeply appreciate the Pizza Abomination warning and the delightful NY pizza thread reminder as well!
posted by corb at 8:31 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


I can choose to call myself a best-selling novelist, bon vivant and raconteur, but that doesn't make it true. You can similarly call many of these "pizza" if that makes you happy.
posted by jbickers at 8:37 AM on March 20, 2015 [12 favorites]


Chicken alfredo pizza seems far too mainstream to show up on this list. They've been available from the big, profits-donated-to-Republican-party delivery chains for a while.

Caramel apple pizza sounds pretty amazing though.
posted by Foosnark at 8:37 AM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'm of the school of thought that you can put just about anything on a pizza and it'll be ok. So for the most part I have no problem with this. Not sure I agree with all the flavor combinations, but get on with your bad self.

I am concerned, however, about the structural integrity of some of these. So many of them seem like they'd be so soupy and wet. Wet pizza is not good pizza. Wet pizza might be the worst pizza. And that one with the ground lamb? Hello. All the little lamb crumblies are gonna roll out everywhere except for the slice you're holding.

And point of order, this is a tart.
posted by phunniemee at 8:38 AM on March 20, 2015 [11 favorites]


No, most of those are perfectly fine being far, far away from me.

A couple of the dessert pizzas, though, look damn good.
posted by evilangela at 8:41 AM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


Naming them "pizzas" doesn't bother me nearly as much as the promise of them being "exciting." Pizza is a broad category and most of these would fit under it.
I didn't get exciting from that list, though. Pretty standard flavor combinations.
posted by Seamus at 8:43 AM on March 20, 2015


As a pizza enthusiast/addict who, to be honest, is pretty darned boring when it comes down to it (I tend to stay near the pepperoni/sausage/onion or BBQ chicken zones)...I don't have a problem with most of these.

Yeah, chicken alfredo pizza is a long-standing thing, and one I love. Buffalo chicken pizza sticks sound good. Ground lamb could be interesting.

Dessert pizzas are their own thing, and again one I'm fond of.

Eh, I guess I'm just not a pizza "purist." I still love the stuff.
posted by Four Ds at 8:45 AM on March 20, 2015


Purists gotta ... hate.

Good food is good food.

Myself, I've even given up on pointing out that sugary vodka in a martini glass is not a ____ martini.
posted by IAmBroom at 8:46 AM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


No pizza abomination thread is complete without a reference to the collective insanity that is Swedish pizza.

Shaved Kebab, bernaise, cheese and coleslaw? Ok.
Chocolate, cheese, banana pizzas with curry powder? Sure! why not?

Or, it's probably a little less insane if you think of it less as a 'pizza' and more as the modern equivalent of the trencher breads that medieval Europeans used as plates.
posted by bl1nk at 8:46 AM on March 20, 2015 [6 favorites]


I am definitely apoplectic
posted by unknownmosquito at 8:46 AM on March 20, 2015


And that one with the ground lamb? Hello. All the little lamb crumblies are gonna roll out everywhere except for the slice you're holding.

That one looked weird too. I know lahma bi ajeen, which is a Mediterranean flatbread that is cooked with raw, minced, flavored meat on top. It cooks into a mass that holds together. The pre-cooked look of that lamb made me wince at the prospect of trying to eat it.
posted by Seamus at 8:47 AM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


". . . sugary vodka in a martini glass is a ____-tini"

Luckily the sugary, flavored drinks are usually appended with "-tini" and not "martini". Usually.
Those who defy this have earned our wrath.
Sadly, when one orders a martini these days, one has to generally specify gin and not vodka, whereas it should be the other way around.
posted by Seamus at 8:51 AM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


Butternut squash is like seriously the best thing you can possibly put on a pizza. Bertucci's (of all places!) does the most amazing butternut squash & blue cheese pizza. I think there might be rosemary on it too.

My brother was living in Providence for a while and fell in love with Nice Slice's Cranberry Picnic Pizza. They were nice enough to send him the recipe which is now a family classic. Who says you can't put salad on a pizza? NOBODY THAT'S WHO. You should do it.

I feel almost dirty looking at this at the office. This is almost certainly a type of pornography.
posted by capricorn at 8:53 AM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


Naming them "pizzas" doesn't bother me nearly as much as the promise of them being "exciting." Pizza is a broad category and most of these would fit under it.
I didn't get exciting from that list, though.


Same here. About half of those are toppings I saw being offered at pizzerias when I was in Rome.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:53 AM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


I guess the pasta ones are for for folks that don't get enough carbs in their diet.
Not that they sound bad...
posted by MtDewd at 8:54 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


Are New Yorkers picky about their pizza?
I say, put whatever you want on your pizza. Pizza is the universal food. Faith, Hope, Pizza. Better living through pizza. Pizza is a dish best served to everyone. To pizza is human. Pizza is not a crime.
posted by demiurge at 8:54 AM on March 20, 2015 [6 favorites]


I say, put whatever you want on your pizza.

I'm with the girl from this video who tried pineapple pizza and declared that "it's just...not RIGHT."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:55 AM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


Can we also talk about things that end in -tini that aren't anything close to a Martini....
posted by OHenryPacey at 8:59 AM on March 20, 2015


Scrambled Egg Breakfast Pizza

all the barfs
posted by billiebee at 8:59 AM on March 20, 2015 [4 favorites]


My favorite oddball pizza is Zante's Indian Pizza in San Francisco. "Fresh spinach, cilantro, garlic, ginger, eggplant & tandoori chicken with our special masala sauce". The bread's ordinary enough, I suppose it could be naan dough but it sure eats like pizza. And there's little or no cheese (although the vegetarian option has paneer). It's the sauce that makes it. Sort of creamy, rich Indian spices, delicious. I'd love to find a recipe. Maybe it's something like this.

(PS: the New York pizza slice is not good food. It is to pizza what McDonald's is to hamburgers. Or rather, the cheap greasy spoon diner down the street from McD's that serves frozen hamburger patties on slightly stale bread. There is good pizza in New York of course, like in all cities, but it is not the iconic NY slice.)
posted by Nelson at 8:59 AM on March 20, 2015 [5 favorites]


The ground lamb one is surely just a Lahmacun?
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 9:02 AM on March 20, 2015 [8 favorites]


One local joint has several interesting pies, my favorite being the "Irish" with roasted garlic cream, corned beef, potato, caramelized onion, mozzarella and Swiss.

It's not pizza, of course, but it's quite good.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 9:03 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


Pizza is how we use up salad greens around the house, these days. Kale, cabbage, shaved brussels sprouts ... throw em on top and let em get crispy.

I do feel like calling a lot of these things "pizza" is stretching the definition more than a little, though. If you could describe your pizza as "sort of like an apple tart, but a pizza" or "sort of like nachos, but a pizza," it's probably not a pizza.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:03 AM on March 20, 2015


Off topic, but when I saw the clip art at the beginning, my brain immediately shouted "ITSA GOOD SHOW!"
posted by Dr-Baa at 9:04 AM on March 20, 2015


Are New Yorkers picky about their pizza?

It's not that New Yorkers are picky per se, it's more that pizza in New York is in many ways standardized. A pizza is cut into precisely 8 slices in every pizzeria. You know whether you want one slice or two, and it will always be the same. You don't have to do weird pizza mass calculations to figure out how much pizza you need. A pizza slice, always, is strong enough to fold and hold. If it's not strong enough to fold and hold, it is an inferior pizza slice - not just a little less good, but actively bad, to be avoided. We're not picky about quality, just about the set which contains pizza.
posted by corb at 9:04 AM on March 20, 2015 [7 favorites]


I can choose to call myself a best-selling novelist, bon vivant and raconteur, but that doesn't make it true. You can similarly call many of these "pizza" if that makes you happy.

We are what we pretend to be.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 9:05 AM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


Not sure why there's no tomato sauce or anything like that on the scrambled egg breakfast pizza. From experience, it'll be too dry without it. Unless you have runny scrambled eggs maybe?

Also, mac and cheese pizza sounds like a good idea, but I felt kinda dumb eating it. Like, I should have just had a bowl of mac cheese and/or a slice of pizza. There was no reason to combine these.
posted by dogwalker at 9:06 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


It's not that New Yorkers are picky per se, *BIG PARAGRAPH OF PRECISE SPECIFICATIONS*
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 9:07 AM on March 20, 2015 [36 favorites]


I'd agree that some of these are tarts, or topped flatbreads, but many of them look tasty enough. Then, I'm bridge and tunnel, not "real" New York.
posted by Karmakaze at 9:08 AM on March 20, 2015


Purists gotta ... hate.

I am not even remotely close to being a food purist, but if you put beet pesto, kale, and goat cheese on anything – fried chicken, beef stew, chocolate pudding – yes, I'm definitely going to hate it.
posted by LeLiLo at 9:08 AM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


Seamus: Sadly, when one orders a martini these days, one has to generally specify gin and not vodka, whereas it should be the other way around.

Also: It's fine if you don't like vermouth, but without it you're not drinking a martini, you're drinking a glass of cold gin. And while we're at it, stop making Manhattans with bourbon!
posted by usonian at 9:08 AM on March 20, 2015 [6 favorites]


Some of those look okay, but....COOKIE DOUGH?!?!?
posted by Chrysostom at 9:08 AM on March 20, 2015


Oh man, that breakfast pizza...

*clicks through to recipe*

cream cheese, whaaaaat? and on a site with "southern" in its name? the correct sauce is sausage gravy.
posted by indubitable at 9:19 AM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


Don't forget this gem.
posted by Splunge at 9:23 AM on March 20, 2015


Like, I should have just had a bowl of mac cheese and/or a slice of pizza. There was no reason to combine these.

YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 9:27 AM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


My favorite oddball pizza is Zante's Indian Pizza in San Francisco.

Ain't no pizza like an Indian pizza. Bay Area represent!
posted by jonp72 at 9:35 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


Smash two pieces of pizza together (facing), and it's a sandwich.

Suddenly it's not so crazy.
posted by blue_beetle at 9:37 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


There are plenty of pizza and sub joints in my neighborhood that also serve Indian food, because they're owned by Muslims from Pakistan. It's a mystery for the ages why none of them have thought to put chicken tikka masala pizza on the menu.
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:37 AM on March 20, 2015


Back before the kid, it was not uncommon for us to head home after the bars closed with a retinue because my wife invited them to eat breakfast pizza. Usually on nights when I had some dough waiting at home.
A quick raw tomato sauce, crumbled bacon. Whatever cheese you have around and crack an egg on top before cooking it on a stone in the hottest temp the oven could manage (550F, I think. Pull it when done and allow the egg to finish cooking on the pizza from residual heat. If someone wanted it harder, throw it under the broiler.
Breakfast pizza can be great.
Scrambled eggs is just weird. Do you make them wet and hope they dry to the correct consistency?

On the manhattan topic. When ordering a vodka martini, you should specify vodka. The same should be true of a manhattan, order a bourbon manhattan. If a bartender makes you a manhattan with bourbon instead of rye, tip well and order something else next time and contemplate not returning.
posted by Seamus at 9:42 AM on March 20, 2015


More from the things that are not quite pizza but say they are pizza files.
posted by phunniemee at 9:42 AM on March 20, 2015


There's a pizza place near my work that is owned by an immigrant from China and serves great kebabs. Never tried the pizza, too scared. Central Texas . . .
posted by Seamus at 9:43 AM on March 20, 2015


I love NY pizza (and can only get an approximation here), and I really do get the purism.

But I am glad I'm able to get over that semantic hurdle to enjoy other varieties of pizza as well. On a non-NY style pizza, my favorite toppings are jalapeno and pineapple. I like Swedish pizzas with apple, tuna, and curry, and I make this really awesome pizza with a chunky eggplant sauce and feta cheese on a wheat crust that I've made for dozens of people, and never had anyone not love it. It's really good, if I do say so myself. I have never had an Indian pizza, although I would like to try a thousand of them today. Hooray for pizza!

Exceptions: Yeah, that apple thing is a tart, and I am aesthetically opposed to putting pasta in bread. No bread bowls, no spaghetti or macaroni pizzas. I HEREBY DECREE. FORTHWITH. SUCH AS.
posted by ernielundquist at 9:44 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


All the pies at Apart in Chicago are awesome, but I always really liked the Gamberetti (tomatoes and shrimp) and Francese (ham, brie, and egg). Nothing too out there but a little different and absolutely delicious.
posted by kmz at 9:45 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


Faint of Butt, chicken tikka pizza has been a UK staple for a long time.
posted by tinkletown at 9:45 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


But the problem is that it's in the UK, not in my mouth.
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:48 AM on March 20, 2015 [9 favorites]


Pineapple, and by extension pineapple pizza, sucks.
posted by zippy at 9:49 AM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


Pizza is some sort of bread with (usually tomato) sauce on top, cheese in most cases, and often some other stuff on top of that. Most traditional would be herbs, but all types of meats seem to be fair game. The basic definition of pizza is so open that I can't get down on anyone for putting whatever they want on their pizza and still calling it pizza.

It's when you completely change what something is that gets my dander up. It's not a burrito if it's in a bowl. Hummus means Chickpea in Arabic. Guacamole means Avocado sauce in ahuacatl. There are other perfectly good words for dips/sauces etc. that can be used if you change the fundamental ingredient.
posted by cell divide at 9:50 AM on March 20, 2015 [4 favorites]


Some things should not be allowed near a pizza. Some things can be put successfully on a pizza-like dough, but should not be called a pizza. Some sweet things can be tasty combined on a dough shell, but are a dessert in need of a name and not a pizza.

These are my commandments.
I have spoken.
posted by BlueHorse at 9:55 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la pizza.
posted by BWA at 9:57 AM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


New York pizza is to pizza as The Beatles are to rock.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:57 AM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


Oh ugh. "Waaah it's not pizza." If you're going to go there, then the only true pizzas are those certified by Vera Pizza Napoletana. In which case, nope Americans, almost none of you have ever had real pizza. And, the best pizza I've had in my life is from a restaurant certified by VPN: duck confit, pear, and gorgonzola. It's unspeakably good.

This listicle, however.

#1: Berry, arugula, prosciutto: sounds delicious to me. Prosciutto + [sweet fruit] is a classic combination.

#2 Macaroni and Cheese: hey, that sounds like great drunk food. Probably wouldn't have killed them to actually use macaroni instead of conchiglie though.

...yeah I can't go on. I'd happily eat every single one of these and ask for seconds.

New York pizza is to pizza as The Beatles are to rock.

slow clap
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:59 AM on March 20, 2015 [5 favorites]


So yesterday, I went to a SXSW showcase.
I got a little too intoxicated.
At some point I started asking people to define soup and then to determine if cold cereal is soup. I was THAT guy.

The "Is/Is Not a pizza discussion" seems similar. (And to the "Can Chili Have Beans?" discussion!)

I tried to figure out what the comparison of NY pizza to the Beatles, but I kept losing the train of thought in my dislike of the Beatles.
posted by Seamus at 10:01 AM on March 20, 2015


No pizza abomination thread is complete without a reference to the collective insanity that is Swedish pizza.

Nah, Swedish pizza does indeed have an anything goes attitude, but that quite often results in greatness. Also, it's pretty much all independent restaurants (no chain pizza abominations), so of course everyone will do their own thing. Sometimes it results in top placements at international competitions, sometimes it gets rather weird.

(And that "coleslaw on pizza" tweet is just someone being clueless on Twitter. It's called pizza salad, and is a side dish.)
posted by effbot at 10:02 AM on March 20, 2015


What does the Beatles/NY pizza thing mean?
posted by Seamus at 10:02 AM on March 20, 2015


I grew up in Los Angeles and moved to the East Coast at age 18 for school. Before I moved there, I had never encountered the usage of "pie" to refer to a whole pizza (vs. a slice, for instance). Does anyone else have this experience, or is this just a quirk of my childhood?
posted by andrewesque at 10:03 AM on March 20, 2015


I would try all of the pizzas listed in the article, except the ones with zucchini. I also want pizza right this minute, and I've scrapped plans to cook dinner tonight in favor of ordering pizza. Thank god I'm not this suggestible to most FPPs.
posted by gladly at 10:06 AM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


Cold prosciutto by itself is a wonderful treat, but serve it hot on a pizza and it tastes like old bologna. This is a fact.
posted by swift at 10:09 AM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


Try wrapping it around dates stuffed with some sort of sharp cheese and roast at 400F for about ten minutes, maybe a bit less. Perhaps with a splash of balsamic after. Noms.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:10 AM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


Okay that does sound amazing.
posted by swift at 10:11 AM on March 20, 2015


My pizza requirement is tomato sauce. White pizza - not pizza. Pesto pizza - not pizza . Tasty maybe. But not real pizza ... It's just bread wedge snacks.
posted by freecellwizard at 10:14 AM on March 20, 2015


White pizza - not pizza.

Italy disagrees with you. Pizza bianca is a thing, and so is pizza e fichi which adds figs.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:17 AM on March 20, 2015 [6 favorites]


What does the Beatles/NY pizza thing mean?

One of these two things was, while not the first of its kind, still unquestionably foundational in how that thing would be defined going forward. Nevertheless, after 50 trillion servings, the original is quaint, boring, and frankly overrated to everyone but nostalgic geezers and local partisans. The other is The Beatles.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:23 AM on March 20, 2015 [8 favorites]


My initial interpretation was that people never shut up about them and will insist that even if you don't like them, you have to agree that they are the best thing ever.
posted by Seamus at 10:25 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


White pizza - not pizza.

Pistols at dawn, chap. Pizza bianca is the atomic elemental form of pizza - pizza in its purest state. Break it down any further and you get only particles of flour and water.
posted by romakimmy at 10:26 AM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


That trigger warning has saved many a smartphone today.
posted by dr_dank at 10:29 AM on March 20, 2015


What does the Beatles/NY pizza thing mean?

Neither is improved by adding Yoko Ono?
posted by zippy at 10:30 AM on March 20, 2015 [6 favorites]


Okay - Californian here. What's worse, Bay Arean here, so take this for what it's worth, but the best Pizza I've ever had was at The Cheese Board Pizza on Shattuck in Berkeley. One kind of pizza a day. Always vegetarian. Interesting cheeses. Usually sauceless. Perfect.

It's the kind of pizza that shitty places like California Pizza Kitchen were ... parodying, I guess is the word.
posted by Myca at 10:32 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


My initial interpretation was that people never shut up about them and will insist that even if you don't like them, you have to agree that they are the best thing ever.

Same idea. My initial response when hearing about either is usually, "STFU Grandpa/Grandma. We get it. It was a thing. Still gives you all the old Feelings. Whatever. The rest of us have moved on."
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:33 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


What does the Beatles/NY pizza thing mean?

That this is a list of rappers and crooners labeled 31 Exciting Rock Bands.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 10:41 AM on March 20, 2015 [6 favorites]


I've lived in the Bay Area too long. None of these sound weird, except I have doubts about the grapes, at least because since they don't look dry and raisiny it could be messy.

So how about some yam and lollipop kale pizza?
posted by halifix at 10:47 AM on March 20, 2015


There's an excellent Indian pizza place in Fremont that we get food from often. Mmm, curry chicken masala.
posted by tavella at 10:48 AM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


My question is: how many of these were cut with a water jet?

I thought so.

So much for your "exciting pizza flavors," you last-century-cutting--tool users!
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:50 AM on March 20, 2015 [5 favorites]


That this is a list of rappers and crooners labeled 31 Exciting Rock Bands

... when we all know that there has only ever been 4 or 5 exciting rock bands in all of history. Which is why we insist that only those 4 or 5 bands (and the hundreds of local cover bands endlessly repeating their songs) are legit rock bands.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:56 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


I. Literally. Can't. Even.

Burn them with fire. Burn them all.
posted by digitalprimate at 10:56 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


when we all know that there has only ever been 4 or 5 exciting rock bands in all of history

Just like classical music and its composers.
posted by zippy at 10:57 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


Ben: Well, I'll help with anything, just promise we'll do it quickly? I'm making us a Mac and Cheese pizza for dinner.
Leslie: MAC AND CHEESE PIZZA?
Ben: Yeah?
Leslie: You're making that?
Ben: Yeah...
Lesile: *gasps, makes out with Ben passionately*

About right.
posted by ilana at 11:00 AM on March 20, 2015


corb: We're not picky about quality.....

WHOA WHOA WHOA. Speak fer yerself, lady.

I miss Big Nick's. Best sourdough crust pizza I've ever had. "Even New York City only has a handful of places where one could order a large pizza, two loaded omelets, fried pickles, and a turkey hero...at 4 a.m....for delivery...on a Tuesday."

fffm: And, the best pizza I've had in my life is from a restaurant certified by VPN: duck confit, pear, and gorgonzola. It's unspeakably good.

That's just a *fancy* pizza.

Although I would argue that gorgonzola tastes like unwashed feet and should never be allowed within miles of dough, other kinds of cheese, tomato sauce, duck confit or pears.
posted by zarq at 11:29 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


i only eat my pizza in roll form
this really pisses off shiro down at lotus village
every time dominos comes through the door he sighs
but im all like
the customer is always right
get rolling
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:30 AM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


That's just a *fancy* pizza.

No.. it's delicious. And I love the same restaurant's perfect Margherita.

What I'm trying to say is this whole thing about "NO THAT IS NOT PIZZA" falls apart when you consider that quite a lot of Italians would look at 99% of what is sold as pizza in the USA and say "NOPE, THAT IS NOT PIZZA." And, arguably, they have more authority on the subject. Which is not me saying they should be deferred to, it's me saying how ridiculous people sound when they start harping on about what pizza is and isn't.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:37 AM on March 20, 2015


My favorite pizza is a Muffaletta Pizza at IRFH's House of Fucking Amazing Food. It's a lot of work, though, so I don't get it very often.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:39 AM on March 20, 2015




Bog-standard Danish pizza: steak with bernaise sauce with shredded iceberg salad on top of a pizza w tomato base & cheese.

And my local supermarket here in Glasgow sells a haggis pizza - it's a bit greasy but surprisingly okay. And then there's the deep-fried pizza..
posted by kariebookish at 11:41 AM on March 20, 2015


"Pizza is an oven-baked flat bread generally topped with tomato sauce and cheese."

Doesn't the "generally" in that definitive definition from Wikipedia mean that we aren't redefining pizza?
posted by Seamus at 11:43 AM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


I have to be honest, I would be all over that mac & cheese one. I mean, seriously, is there a deep dish version? Coming soon to a food truck near you!

There's a delivery shop with Swedish pizza, whatever that means, by my old place. Their entire menu could basically be substituted for this list.
posted by feloniousmonk at 11:43 AM on March 20, 2015


At the pizza place below my Great Uncle's place in Rome, only about an eight of the pizzas had tomato sauce and about the same had cheese. Those two ingredients did overlap 100% of the time. It might be wikipedia's US bias showing through.
posted by Seamus at 11:46 AM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


I have to be honest, I would be all over that mac & cheese one. I mean, seriously, is there a deep dish version?

Wrap it up into a calzone/panzerotto and I think there's a winner.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:48 AM on March 20, 2015


Mac & Cheese is also a great burger topping.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:52 AM on March 20, 2015


When my wife and I went to Italy for our honeymoon, the most popular pizza among the local tween set was ppizza con patatine e wurstel, which is basically pizza with hot dog and french fries.
posted by jonp72 at 11:54 AM on March 20, 2015


Doesn't the "generally" in that definitive definition from Wikipedia mean that we aren't redefining pizza?

It allows for pepperoni.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 11:57 AM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


Which is not me saying they should be deferred to, it's me saying how ridiculous people sound when they start harping on about what pizza is and isn't.

We agree, in principle.

The restaurant I linked to above, Big Nick's, used to advertise that they could make virtually any kind of pizza or burger you asked them for, given 24 hours notice. They would find a way to create a pizza that would (hopefully) not only hold together (and not fall apart) but would resemble and taste... well, like a pizza. Their regular menu was insanely long, but they had the advantage of being within minutes walking distance of two markets that could supply fresh, unusual ingredients. So they didn't have to keep a ton of unusual, perishable ingredients in stock.

While it was around, it was my favorite pizza place. So I don't have a problem with creative pizza experimentation. It's a simple foundation that can be fun to play with. (My local place in Queens does awesome spicy karaage chicken pizza as well as a chicken bacon ranch pizza.) I've eaten mac and cheese pizzas. And Baked Ziti pizzas. They're great -- although I wouldn't eat them often. But still, certain ingredients really, really shouldn't be put on a pizza, because ultimately they destroy the consistency of the darn thing. Or make it taste horrible. Cole slaw. Just... no. I've never had a good zucchini pizza. Etc.
posted by zarq at 12:02 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


Huh, I guess the bianco I made the other night with bechamel, escargots, caramelized onions, and gruyere wasn't a pizza then.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:03 PM on March 20, 2015


...that was not in response to you zarq
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:13 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


the bianco I made the other night with bechamel, escargots, caramelized onions, and gruyere

In a decent world, you would be restricted from posting this kind of pornography where hungry people like me might accidentally read it at lunchtime.
posted by Myca at 12:22 PM on March 20, 2015 [7 favorites]


Aubergine parm, as in covered in slices of crispily coated deep fried aubergine, was a recent win at a not at all hipster place in North London.

I am not a fussy cat, but the Japanese and hummus variants here might be a bit much even for me.
posted by ominous_paws at 12:27 PM on March 20, 2015


I'm no pizza purist, but most of those sounded a bit blah to me. Maybe a greasy-sweet kind of blah.

Current favorite to order: roasted eggplant, garlic herb sauce, roasted garlic, roasted red peppers, kalamata olives, feta, and a bit of mozz.

At home I usually get a frozen cheese pizza and add sliced sweet piquanté peppers, red onions, and green peppers on it. Last time it was "Asian" (ginger-garlic) pork sausage and my concoction of crushed Thai red chilis, with a generous amount of fresh Thai basil to finish. Mmmmm.... customized pizza is the best.
posted by zennie at 12:35 PM on March 20, 2015


Oh, and the "Perth" from Fire and Stone, which has roast chicken, tiny roast potato cubes, sour cream and sweet chilli sauce. It's not defensible but it is delicious.
posted by ominous_paws at 12:36 PM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


...that was not in response to you zarq

Ah! Carry on :)
posted by zarq at 12:36 PM on March 20, 2015


Those two ingredients did overlap 100% of the time.

Aaargh. I meant "didn't".
Some pizzas had tomato sauce,some had cheese, some had both.
posted by Seamus at 12:42 PM on March 20, 2015


It's not about pizza purism, it's about the fact that these all look disgusting by any name.

Well, except for number 24 (Zucchini, Anchovy, and Burrata). That's sounds delicious.
posted by 256 at 12:52 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


THEY ARE NOT PIZZA THEY ARE NOT PIZZA THEY ARE NOT PIZZA

And, yes, exactly what 256 said: they look like they would be disgusting. Mac and cheese on pizza? Carb overload!

While I'm on my GRAR kick, I also hate the sushi "pizza" that I keep seeing everywhere in Toronto. Which is not actually the Japanese pizza in the OP! The rice is formed into a patty then deep fried (ugh) to form the base.
posted by tickingclock at 1:15 PM on March 20, 2015


swift: "Cold prosciutto by itself is a wonderful treat, but serve it hot on a pizza and it tastes like old bologna. This is a fact."

You eat prosciutto cold? Why? Prosciutto is served at room temperature. Maybe what you're eating is not prosciutto. And yes, cooking good prosciutto at pizza oven temperature will kill the flavor. So place it on the pizza after it comes out of the oven.
posted by Splunge at 1:41 PM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


No pierogi pizza? It's not truly carb overload until you put mashed potatoes on your pizza.
posted by octothorpe at 1:47 PM on March 20, 2015


If someone gives you a pizza without tomato sauce, they call it "white pizza." If they give you a pizza without cheese, they call it "tomato pie." Therefore, it's only pizza if it has cheese. No cheese? Not a pizza. By that criterion ... most of these are pizzas. Numbers 7, 11, 12, 14, and 18 have no cheese and are not pizzas. Number 29 has no melted cheese, but there is parmesan and it sort of slides by. But number 9 is by far the worst offender; it is a really nasty looking quesadilla that has stuff on top of it. Not pizza.
posted by graymouser at 1:47 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


what exactly constitutes an anhedonic pizza, plz?
posted by supermedusa at 1:47 PM on March 20, 2015


Dominos.
posted by zarq at 1:52 PM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


Can Am Pizza is the Seattle area source for Indian pizza. The "Can" is apparently "Canad(a|ian)" and the "Am" is probably "America(n)" as the logo features a Canadian flag crossed with a U.S. flag. I'm still not sure what this cultural combination has to do with pizza with Indian toppings (which is what they're known for), but I've often wondered.

I've never had the "East Indian Favorite Chicken Pizzas," but the paneer pizzas are amazing, especially with the yogurt dip.
posted by cdefgfeadgagfe at 1:58 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


Some 'non' pizzas.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:09 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


supermedusa: "what exactly constitutes an anhedonic pizza, plz?"

A pizza with naltrexone?
posted by Splunge at 2:12 PM on March 20, 2015


It's not that New Yorkers are picky per se, *BIG PARAGRAPH OF PRECISE SPECIFICATIONS*

Not only that. Because it's not just the standardization thing. It's the "pizza everywhere else is shittier duh" attitude where it's presented as some inarguable sky-is-blue fact. It's just another facet of the whole nyc exceptionalism thing.

The pizza thing is just an easy example to point to whenever that "new york is just better at/uniquely good at thing" point is brought up anywhere. Yes, there's good pizza there. No, it isn't the only real pizza or some higher level all pizza is below. And any "hey i'm not saying it is i'm just..." thing turns in to a lulzfest like that post because that is exactly what they're saying.

Mac and cheese on pizza? Carb overload!

In the summer between high school and college, me and my friend made a mac and cheese pizza. We called it the pizzaroni. Took like 2 hours to make. It was a cheese pizza with olives, mac and cheese, then more mozarella and all the toppings. The thing was like 5 fucking inches thick.

It was pretty good actually, but it took days to eat because one slice was basically a meal and probably contained 5000 calories. It was also the only time i've ever had good cold macaroni and cheese.

Lots of stonedness was involved, if that isn't obvious.
posted by emptythought at 2:26 PM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


Seriously - IRFH's Muffaletta Pizza is amazeballs:

Start with a good pizza dough (insert your favorite pizza dough recipe here). Not too thick, but must be able to handle a serious load of toppings. (Your pizza stone or pan should naturally already be brushed with olive oil and sprinkled with corn meal.) Brush top of dough with olive oil. Sprinkle with red pepper flakes and Italian seasoning.

Now cover with a layer of spicy, pickled olive salad (make your own, if you have time - chop several types of olives, pickled vegetables, capers, pimentos, roasted garlic, whatever looks good. Add pickled peppers, as spicy as you prefer, and red wine vinegar. Season to preference. Or, you can buy Tapenade.) Add roasted red peppers, chopped or in strips.

Now cover with successive layers of good provolone, mortadella, capocollo, and pepperoni. Top pepperoni with a bit more of the olive salad, then sprinkle with red pepper flakes and Italian seasoning. Finish with a layer of deli-sliced fontina. Bake until melty and golden brown (10 to 20 minutes depending on oven).

Yes, you will almost certainly require a fork. Maybe even a sharp knife. Also, a beer. Later, there will be regrets and a skeevy personal trainer. But I digress...

My gift to you.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:29 PM on March 20, 2015 [6 favorites]


Can Am Pizza is the Seattle area source for Indian pizza.

Holy crap i'm going to order the hell out of this soon.

Also, while on the subject of seattle, according to my friend and old neighbor who moved here from milan Pulcinella is head and shoulders the best/most legit pizza place in seattle and possibly even the west coast. I still haven't made it down there because i haven't felt like going on a bus adventure for pizza, and my car exploded months ago.

Via tribunali on capitol hill is also offensively face melting good, and they have awesome weird stuff like nutella calzones... but it's easy to go in there and drop $75 without even realizing you did it.
posted by emptythought at 2:32 PM on March 20, 2015


Christ on a bike my arteries hardened just reading that.

I want one.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:33 PM on March 20, 2015 [4 favorites]


I lived in a relatively* small town in China for a while. There were few ex-pats there. I had heard of this new "Italian" place that opened up recently, decided to check it out (those quotation marks around the word Italian are there for a reason, don't pounce on me just yet). So. They have a photo menu, as is pretty typical. I see a pizza that appears to be Hawaiian-- I point to the photo and order one. My friend's entrees get there first- pasta dishes, they don't look great but passable. My pizza comes. The toppings? Raw, coarsely chopped onions... and banana slices.

It was as bad as you'd expect and I highly recommend against trying it.



*"relatively small" still equals several million people, in China
posted by mingo_clambake at 2:45 PM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


Where I live in NC there was (briefly) a pizzeria where the owners claimed to have studied the art of pizza-ing in Naples. Their pizzas were produced in a coal-fired oven. I used to order a pizza with arugula and prosciutto on top, and they somehow managed to time it so the delicate white edge of porkfat around each silky slice of prosciutto would be just beginning to melt at the precise moment the pizza was delivered to my table. I am officially ruined for any other prosciutto-topped pizza forever. Delicious sorcery!
posted by little mouth at 2:46 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


andrewesque: "I grew up in Los Angeles and moved to the East Coast at age 18 for school. Before I moved there, I had never encountered the usage of "pie" to refer to a whole pizza (vs. a slice, for instance). Does anyone else have this experience, or is this just a quirk of my childhood"

You are not alone.
posted by team lowkey at 3:56 PM on March 20, 2015


Burn them with fire. Burn them all.

Ideally at about 550 degrees Fahrenheit, for about 5 minutes, or until the cheese is starting to bubble and has browns spots all over.

oh wait, were you trying to say you disapproved? if so, wrong choice of words for this subject.
posted by el io at 4:37 PM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


Ideally at about 550 900 degrees Fahrenheit, for about 5 minutes 90 seconds

ftfy :)
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 4:48 PM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


It's Raining Florence Henderson: "Seriously - IRFH's Muffaletta Pizza is amazeballs:

Start with a good pizza dough (insert your favorite pizza dough recipe here). Not too thick, but must be able to handle a serious load of toppings. (Your pizza stone or pan should naturally already be brushed with olive oil and sprinkled with corn meal.) Brush top of dough with olive oil. Sprinkle with red pepper flakes and Italian seasoning.My gift to you.
"

What the what? Two things. First, a pizza should not be a pile of ingredients. That's a casserole. A pizza is a simple thing with a maximum of three or four scant ingredients. Please.

Olive oil on your pizza stone? The hell no! Corn meal of course. That stops it from sticking. Oil on a stone that's going to be over 500 degrees? Especially olive oil. It will burn. It will stink. It will taste like shit and help the pizza to stick.

I have a lot of respect for you IRFH. But this advice is just wrong.
posted by Splunge at 6:29 PM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


Sorry for the double post but I should clarify. A pizza stone should be clean and placed in the oven on the bottom rack when the oven is cold. Then the oven and the stone come to temp at the same time. This avoids cracking the stone. The corn meal should be on the pizza peel. That's the big wooden spatula thing that you use to slide the raw pizza onto the stone. It allows the pizza to slide off of the peel onto the stone. Thus it will also be on the bottom of the pizza as it bakes.

Nothing starts on the stone. And the stone should be carefully cleaned of burnt toppings after it cools. Treat your stone well and it will last a long time.
posted by Splunge at 6:40 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


I had an enjoyable time reading this thread while eating our standard homemade pizza (starts with a slow, 72hr -in-the-fridge-risen dough), green peppers, red onion, lotsa minced garlic, sausage, and quattro formaggio shredded cheese from Trader Joe's. Baked on a pizza stone. Delicioso!
posted by Pocahontas at 8:02 PM on March 20, 2015


Splunge, I bow to you on the stone. I use a pan, myself - preferably in my Weber Genesis. I'm planning on getting a stone soon, though, so I appreciate the advice on the proper use and care.

I have to call bullshit, though, on the too many toppings canard. Try it. It's fucking awesome. Mufallettas are fucking awesome. They require too much breading, though, and are almost impossible to eat. As a pizza topping combo, though, you get all the flavors, but it's muh easier to eat. If you have to call it a casserole to let yourself it call it a casserole. Whatever you need. Just try it.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:04 PM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


Ideally at about 550 900 degrees Fahrenheit, for about 5 minutes 90 seconds

FFFM: Yeah, if you could fix my OVEN, instead of my post, to account for the (indeed better) updated directions, I'd be most eternally grateful.

I feel like there should be a different word for random stuff on a pizza crust. You know how we call wraps 'wraps', and not burritos... Like that. (weird thing, I largely hate 'wraps', and largely love burritos).
posted by el io at 8:15 PM on March 20, 2015


Define 'random.' Italians are quite happy putting all manner of things on dough and calling it pizza, and they invented the thing.

Also, if you have a barbecue, it'll get way hotter than your oven.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:45 PM on March 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


Local place has Clam Chowder Pizza.

Rhode Island style pizza - grilled on both sides in a super hot oven fired with cedar logs - topped with a white sauce of some type, whole belly clams, minced linquicia sausage, paper thin celery and finely diced carrots and potatoes.

Rhode Island, man. Serious, the food here is great. Crazy, but great.
posted by Slap*Happy at 9:27 PM on March 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


fffm: If I had a lawn in which to use a bbq, I'd get myself a dedicated pizza oven, I drool over these. But alas, I am an apartment dweller. (seriously, I want a house so I can have a dog and so I can have a pizza oven).

The last pizza thread we had on the blue inspired me to try cast-iron pan pizza's (took a few tries, but now I'm pretty happy with them). Sadly, I'm not enthused about the recipes on the original link here... That being said, the more pizza posts, the happier I'll be.
posted by el io at 9:36 PM on March 20, 2015


For cast-iron home pizzas, this foolpoof pan pizza isn't bad. It's not going to win any awards, but it's very easy and stands up to a variety of goofy ingredients. Including piling too many on top to make a delicious deep pie, mufalletta or otherwise. I just made a batch for tomorrow. The trick about finishing it on a stovetop really does work. It's a greasy mess of a recipe but it's pretty delicious.
posted by Nelson at 9:39 PM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


I feel like there should be a different word for random stuff on a pizza crust. You know how we call wraps 'wraps', and not burritos... Like that. (weird thing, I largely hate 'wraps', and largely love burritos).

"Flatbread."
posted by Dip Flash at 12:20 AM on March 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


I might be one of the few people who chose their oven based on the temperature it can reach. Well, upper limit of the ovens within my price-range.
And the upper limit in that is sadly 550. What I wouldn't give for a commercial, vented oven that could get to even 800.
I have long range plans to build a pizza oven in the backyard. Unfortunately, the amount of wood required to get it up to cooking temp will contribute to deforestation and would limit me only to weekends. But I figure once I get it going, I'll just put up a google doc sign-up sheet for my friends and neighbors and let them each choose a 5-10 minute slot to cook pizza for their families before they get the fuck out of my yard and go home (I may have some personal socialization issues to work through).

The figured the oil was referring to a pan and not a pizza stone, but having recently started seasoning some pottery cookware AND having a family member that uses their pizza stone to heat up very oily prepared foods, resulting in a glossy, black pizza stone, some questions arose in my mind. My pizza stone is a patchwork of matte black stains from burned sauce and cheese and pie fillings (it stays in the oven always). It is not slick and black, like a cast iron or pottery seasoning. I have been using it for almost two decades now. Does anyone season their pizza stone? Has anyone used theirs so much and with such greasy items that it is seasoned from use? I have never attempted to use the family member's seasoned stone for pizza (carbs?!?!?!?!?! NO!!!!), but I wonder how it would change the usage.

Food Prescripitivist Observation: If anyone is going to insist that there are pizzas and then there are other pizza-like constructions that don't match the platonic ideal of pizza because of the ingredient choices, then I should hope that you would never, ever use the term "barbecue" for the equipment or process of grilling meats over direct heat! (FFFF, totally NOT calling you out, as you seem to fall in the expansive definition of pizza camp!)
posted by Seamus at 9:36 AM on March 21, 2015


Food Prescripitivist Observation: If anyone is going to insist that there are pizzas and then there are other pizza-like constructions that don't match the platonic ideal of pizza

Another problem with being a pizza prescriptivist is that the italian word "pizza" predates the modern neapolitan pizza with at least 800 years (and they probably got the word from northern europe). "Pizza Napoletana" is a specific thing, but all other use is generic, and has been so for a thousand years...
posted by effbot at 10:02 AM on March 21, 2015 [4 favorites]


Inspired by this list, I just spent most of the day making a scratch pizza with cornmeal/flaxseed/bran crust, beet pesto, red chard, roasted garlic, mozzarella and Drunken Goat cheese. I don't blow my pizza horn much (well, unless you follow me on Instagram), but this thing is pretty good.

I don't mind if you want to call it a flatbread or whatever--I just wish I could give you all a piece.
posted by box at 4:29 PM on March 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Last night's pizza (lazy pizza; bought the dough) was veal, artichoke hearts, balsamic shallots, sundried tomatoes, and garlic bechamel. Bocconcini on top, and lots of whole parsley thrown on after cooking. Noms.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 4:23 AM on March 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


Last nights pizza was little pizza crusts of corn masa deep fried then split open and filled with refried beans, cheese, shredded chicken, lettuce, tomato and chimichurri.

Wait.
Maybe those were gorditas.
posted by Seamus at 8:17 AM on March 22, 2015 [3 favorites]


« Older Oh FUI   |   Wine for Normal People Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments