FIFA officials arrested on corruption charges
May 26, 2015 9:11 PM   Subscribe

FIFA officials, in Zurich for their annual meeting, were arrested this morning by Swiss authorities. They will be extradited to the United States to face charges of wire fraud, racketeering, and money laundering.
posted by thecjm (434 comments total) 37 users marked this as a favorite
 
My thoughts on this
posted by lalochezia at 9:15 PM on May 26, 2015 [7 favorites]


WILD CACKLING but on the other hand why the fuck would we have jurisdiction, why isn't anyone stopping us.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:16 PM on May 26, 2015 [8 favorites]


Ooh! Ooh! Do the IOC next!
posted by reluctant early bird at 9:17 PM on May 26, 2015 [105 favorites]


United States law gives the Justice Department wide authority to bring cases against foreign nationals living abroad, an authority that prosecutors have used repeatedly in international terrorism cases. Those cases can hinge on the slightest connection to the United States, like the use of an American bank or Internet service provider.

Switzerland’s treaty with the United States is unusual in that it gives Swiss authorities the power to refuse extradition for tax crimes, but on matters of general criminal law, the Swiss have agreed to turn people over for prosecution in American courts.
From the article.
posted by Dark Messiah at 9:19 PM on May 26, 2015 [3 favorites]


Wow, goddamn, and excellent were my first thoughts. Next hit them up for human trafficking.
posted by Existential Dread at 9:20 PM on May 26, 2015 [2 favorites]


WILD CACKLING but on the other hand why the fuck would we have jurisdiction, why isn't anyone stopping us.

Stopping? Surely there would be competition to bring the torches and pitchforks.
posted by Dip Flash at 9:21 PM on May 26, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'm glad to hear why/how the U.S. has jurisdiction but I prefer my original thought that they were sending the message: "FIFA - a sporting organization so corrupt even the United States won't stand for it."
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:22 PM on May 26, 2015 [71 favorites]


Wait, did the US just use biased 9/11-based laws to do something good? Am I in Bizarro world?
posted by axiom at 9:23 PM on May 26, 2015 [4 favorites]


Whoa. I never thought that would happen. But now the others (since the article says not all the leadership was at the hotel) have surely scampered off somewhere outside the reach of any law?
posted by droplet at 9:28 PM on May 26, 2015


Yeah the jurisdictional aspect is a serious double standard, at least it seems like that at first instance. The article doesn't actually explain it - just says that as long as there's a nexus, they can prosecute. But why? As far as I understand it, the US is opposed to the principle of universal criminal jurisdiction. They've never ratified the Rome Statute. What gives them the right to try foreign nationals committing crimes outside of the US? Fucking Empire, that's what.

That being said, couldn't happen to a nicer batch of corrupt public officials.
posted by Lemurrhea at 9:31 PM on May 26, 2015 [14 favorites]


Yeah, we have an extradition treaty with Switzerland. Wire fraud, racketeering, and money laundering pick up jurisdiction every time they send information or process transactions.

Everyone else in Europe is basically cackling with glee that the US can take on FIFA because the US does not give a fuck about international soccer and its not like they can seriously retaliate against the, what 8th? most popular sport in America. If France or the UK stood up against these miscreants (as they seem to have been signaling they'd like to) it would set up all kinds of drama for their national team. When the US does it, what leverage does FIFA have? Oh, boo hoo, the racketeers won't let us play soccer internationally, its too bad we have a national college game and a pro league AND nobody cares because this is America and its SOCCER, the racketeers aren't going to have outraged citizens who can't watch their footie.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:31 PM on May 26, 2015 [157 favorites]


I'm shocked, shocked, to find that gambling is going on in here.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:35 PM on May 26, 2015 [46 favorites]


Give Obama a second Peace Prize.
posted by Drinky Die at 9:39 PM on May 26, 2015 [35 favorites]


Also at a certain point ... This comes up with the Olympics too ... US citizens are bound by the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act, which prohibits bribing foreign officials construed broadly, and several major US based sponsors - Coca cola, McDonalds, Adidas - have hinted they may have to end their sponsorships or FIFA so as not to run afoul of the FCPA.

At some point FIFA will cross a line where the US soccer body literally can't pay dues without committing a felony because FIFA is so massively corrupt. We may have found that line and decided to beat them to it.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:41 PM on May 26, 2015 [21 favorites]


This makes me inordinately happy. :-D
posted by barnacles at 9:42 PM on May 26, 2015


Everyone else in Europe is basically cackling with glee that the US can take on FIFA because the US does not give a fuck about international soccer and its not like they can seriously retaliate against the, what 8th? most popular sport in America.

We also play soccer in the summer, which is fucked with every World's Cup.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 9:44 PM on May 26, 2015 [2 favorites]


So killing people to build stadiums in Qatar, that we don't care about. Corruption, yes.

Well, we did nail Capone for tax evasion, so you gotta start somewhere. But seriously, the whole of the IOC and FIFA should be behind bars.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 9:55 PM on May 26, 2015 [4 favorites]


The FBI found an informant back in 2011.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 9:55 PM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


qcubed: "It's at times like these that I wish MeFi would allow the embedding of animated gifs."

RonPaulItsHappening.GIF
posted by boo_radley at 10:01 PM on May 26, 2015 [16 favorites]


Does anyone think the US did this without external support? FIFA just got so corrupt that the member states pleaded with the US to do the dirty work so as to avoid repercussions themselves.
posted by benzenedream at 10:03 PM on May 26, 2015 [6 favorites]


Thanks, Obama!
posted by chainlinkspiral at 10:03 PM on May 26, 2015 [12 favorites]


The kid of amazing part to me is the coincidence that it was Loretta Lynch's office who started the investigation when she was the U.S. Attorney in Brooklyn and, oh, look who just became Attorney General! Timing's everything.

Speaking of timing, this leadership election on Friday should be plenty interesting.
posted by psoas at 10:05 PM on May 26, 2015 [9 favorites]


When the US does it, what leverage does FIFA have? Oh, boo hoo, the racketeers won't let us play soccer internationally, its too bad we have a national college game and a pro league...

I favourited your post, but FIFA's got a bit of leverage - as well as banning the US national teams from international competition they could weaken the MLS by preventing foreign players from playing in the US...and maybe stop US players from playing in foreign leagues as well. Certainly though you're right that the consequences are less for the US than for a soccer-obsessed country.

Anyhow, this is great news. It must have been coming for a while -Sepp Blatter has apparently been avoiding flying through the US, in case he was arrested. Very glad to see Jack Warner, probably one of the worst apart from Blatter, is one of those caught.

#lovefootballhateFIFA
posted by Pink Frost at 10:06 PM on May 26, 2015 [6 favorites]


Assuming that the prosecution is successful and everyone goes to jail, would there be any consequences for FIFA itself? Or is it all about the individuals involved?
posted by No-sword at 10:10 PM on May 26, 2015


And just in time to make this season of Last Week Tonight, too.
posted by jason_steakums at 10:10 PM on May 26, 2015 [20 favorites]


From everything I know about FIFA, this is very good news. I hope it does more than take the top-most rats off the pile, and actually ends up doing something about the structural causes of corruption that let them get there.
posted by codacorolla at 10:19 PM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


Last night or the night before, BBC World Service aired a documentary asking, "Who could unfuck FIFA?" The conclusion was as I recall: maybe the Swiss, probably nobody.

And I guess it turns out, America is at least going to try. Who'd've thought?
posted by BungaDunga at 10:26 PM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


Apparently the Police pulled up in a tiny Nissan Leaf to conduct the arrests. Add in some fast forwarding of the video, some opening and closing of hotel door hijinks, and a Yakkity Sax soundtrack and you've got an absolute classic. I wonder how many corrupt FIFA officials you could cram into a Leaf?
posted by inflatablekiwi at 10:29 PM on May 26, 2015 [14 favorites]


If we manage to take down FIFA, we're off the hook for Iraq, right?

(I kid, I kid)
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 10:39 PM on May 26, 2015 [3 favorites]


WILD CACKLING but on the other hand why the fuck would we have jurisdiction, why isn't anyone stopping us.


Approximately 90 per cent of FIFA’s revenue is generated through the sale of television, marketing, hospitality and licensing rights for the FIFA World Cup™. ...
http://www.fifa.com/governance/finances/index.html


And much of that is in the US:
In 2011, Fox won the English-language rights from ESPN, paying $425 million for two cycles.
-the guardian

so the jurisdiction stuff is actually reasonable.
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:46 PM on May 26, 2015 [3 favorites]


Luis Figo's Facebook post about why he dropped out of the election process for the next FIFA president.

"But over the past few months I have not only witnessed that desire (for change), I have witnessed consecutive incidents, all over the world, that should shame anyone who desires soccer to be free, clean and democratic.
I have seen with my own eyes federation presidents who, after one day comparing FIFA leaders to the devil, then go on stage and compare those same people with Jesus Christ. Nobody told me about this. I saw it with my own eyes."
posted by chavenet at 11:03 PM on May 26, 2015 [2 favorites]


I don't think anyone can unfuck FIFA: the only solution is for the European and South American teams to stand aside and create a new, clean World Cup organisation from scratch. But I don't think it's ever going to happen. The corruption is too universal and where national associations are not corrupt, they're gutless and terrified of missing out; or of being condemned as racist.
posted by Segundus at 11:28 PM on May 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


Besides highlighting the mad (but for once strangely welcome) belief of the US legal system that it has universal jurisdiction, this sort of reflects on the Swiss one. Nobody rich is going to be arrested for corruption on charges originating with the Swiss authorities.
posted by Segundus at 12:07 AM on May 27, 2015


Thank you from Europe! If you ever want us to send a reciprocal task force over to clean up college sports, just say the word...
posted by ominous_paws at 12:29 AM on May 27, 2015 [102 favorites]


The arrests were a startling blow to FIFA, a multibillion-dollar organization that governs the world’s most popular sport

Funny how the world's most popular sport gets knocked off by country where the game is hardly noticed. I wonder if the NBA, NFL, and MLB had a hand in this?
posted by three blind mice at 12:48 AM on May 27, 2015


So the election of the FIFA president comes this Friday.

I wonder if this timing was intentional (or just because the Swiss were on board with extradition and the bunch of criminals were all gathered).
posted by el io at 1:16 AM on May 27, 2015


Ha! Yes, Europe, save us from the NCAA.
posted by persona au gratin at 1:20 AM on May 27, 2015 [17 favorites]


If we manage to take down FIFA, we're off the hook for Iraq, right?

(I kid, I kid)
You know that bit in Groundhog Day when Bill Murray has to choose between going back to Punxsutawney or dying in a blizzard.

"I'm thinking I'm thinking"
posted by fullerine at 1:36 AM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


In an ideal world, next up against the wall would be the International Cricket Council (ICC), the English Cricket Board (ECB), and the Board of Control of Cricket India (BCCI). I'd love to see the US AG's office taking them on. It would be such a hipster move.
posted by Sonny Jim at 1:42 AM on May 27, 2015 [7 favorites]


According to The Guardian's liveblog, something more might be happening:
The Swiss Federal Office of Justice has announced it is now questioning 10 people who took part in voting on the 2018 and 2022 World Cup bids. More to follow.
posted by Kattullus at 1:45 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


The only way this could have been funnier would have been arresting them at the FIFA conference during Blatter's coronation.

Also, considering the timing, I think the Feds understand how shameless these people are and are trying to minimise any chance it would "blow over". They've arrested FIFA's delegate from the Cayman Islands ffs, like how corrupt do you have to be to be elected the top FIFA person in the Cayman Islands? That's lizard people corrupt. His little black book probably contains three Hitler clones, Satan's mobile and one entry which bleeds the black goo from the Fifth Element.
posted by fullerine at 2:03 AM on May 27, 2015 [66 favorites]


Can the American courts make a London world cup happen next pls? FOR JUSTICE.
posted by Ned G at 2:05 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Ooh! Ooh! Do the IOC next!

I wonder which group is more corrupt - FIFA or the IOC?
posted by SisterHavana at 2:10 AM on May 27, 2015


Sepp wasn't arrested, but the modus operandi for the US is to squeeze the lower down players into giving up the goods on the top players. If I were Sepp, I would be plenty worried.
posted by AugustWest at 2:17 AM on May 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


They're opening the press conference saying this was all their idea.

As I said, shameless.
posted by fullerine at 2:21 AM on May 27, 2015 [6 favorites]


Opening questions from The Guardian, Channel 4, Sky and AP.
De Gregorio must be wondering if he's going to wake up from this nightmare.
posted by fullerine at 2:36 AM on May 27, 2015


Bill Archer, a Soccer blogger in the U.S., has for years compiled international reporting on the blatant corruption of Fifa. I refer you to his most recent entry on Trinidad cabinet minister Jack Warner, involving sacks of cash distributed in the U.S. and banking transactions too crooked for the Cayman Islands that Warner pushed through US banks. American jurisdiction will seem less of a surprise. Bill's archives are the most thorough and hilarious accounting of Fifa misdeeds online.
posted by putzface_dickman at 2:46 AM on May 27, 2015 [7 favorites]


De Gregorio: "Today is a good day for Fifa."

I was going to follow this quote up with some joke about the captain of the Titanic, Hitler in his bunker or just a Professor Farnsworth "Good news, everyone" quote, but my irony capacitor just short circuited.
posted by Kattullus at 3:03 AM on May 27, 2015 [4 favorites]


So, drone strikes on Sepp Blatters house to follow?
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 3:21 AM on May 27, 2015


To follow up on Kattulluss's post, this is getting better and better. There's TWO investigations that have coordinated going public today in Zurich. The first is the US getting fourteen people extradited for bribery, corruption and money laundering. The second is possibly even better - the Swiss have opened proceedings for criminal mismanagement and money laundering relating to Russia 2018 and Qatar 2022.

USA - racketeering and conspiracy charges around media, marketing and sponsorship rights. FIFA's main income source.
Switzerland - money laundering and corruption charges around the bidding process and awarding of World Cups. FIFA's main showcase.

THIS IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN.
posted by MattWPBS at 3:25 AM on May 27, 2015 [50 favorites]


This is game changing.
...

Had to say it.
posted by AlexiaSky at 3:26 AM on May 27, 2015 [4 favorites]


Gary Lineker is being very understated on Twitter:

@GaryLineker
This is extraordinary! FIFA is imploding. The best thing that could possibly happen to the beautiful game. https://www.admin.ch/gov/en/start/documentation/media-releases.msg-id-57391.html
posted by MattWPBS at 3:31 AM on May 27, 2015 [6 favorites]


I hope that when the Qatar World Cup is moved, the families of the slaves who died to build unused desert stadiums get their pick of countries to migrate to. Make it a requirement of bidding on World Cup hosting for the next 50 years - if you think you might want to host, you need to help these people with a chance at a better life.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 3:31 AM on May 27, 2015 [46 favorites]


To give the full blast of Lineker's twitter feed at the moment:

Gary Lineker @GaryLineker · 3h 3 hours ago
There can't be a more corrupt, deplorable organisation on earth than FIFA. The house of cards is falling. Time for change!

Gary Lineker @GaryLineker · 3h 3 hours ago
If Blatter had even a crumb of dignity remaining, he'd walk away now, creep back to his lair, sit in his armchair and stroke his cat.

Gary Lineker retweeted
Heidi Blake @HeidilBlake · 3h 3 hours ago
US really earning its spurs as world's policeman today after utter failure by any other authority to get FIFA's rampant corruption in check.

Gary Lineker @GaryLineker · 2h 2 hours ago
Sepp Blatter's customary defence of attacking the British media might not work so well this morning.

Gary Lineker retweeted
Owen Gibson @owen_g · 2h 2 hours ago
Swiss federal office says it has also opened criminal proceedings in connection with the allocation of the 2018 and 2022 World Cups.

Gary Lineker @GaryLineker · 2h 2 hours ago
This is extraordinary! FIFA is imploding. The best thing that could possibly happen to the beautiful game. https://www.admin.ch/gov/en/start/documentation/media-releases.msg-id-57391.html …

Gary Lineker retweeted
Oly Duff @olyduff · 1h 1 hour ago
Out of interest @fifamedia, how many Fifa corruption investigations would it take for Sepp Blatter to decide he's delighted us long enough?
posted by MattWPBS at 3:35 AM on May 27, 2015 [9 favorites]


Surely this is the end of Seppi's reign?
posted by biggreenplant at 3:35 AM on May 27, 2015


Good, good, good.
posted by michswiss at 3:36 AM on May 27, 2015


The BBC is reporting the Swiss Federal Office of Justice (FOJ) saying quote "The crimes were agreed to and prepared in the US via US bank accounts"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-32895048

If true, that's solid grounds for American jurisdiction.
posted by Eleven at 3:37 AM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


There was an article in the German Zeit Online last year listing reasons for Sepp Blatter's re-election. Since there is no English version I will translate the headline and subhead - the article itself is still perfectly legitable for you all.

Every good argument that can be made for Sepp Blatter


Originally he threatened to retire. Now Sepp Blatter is running for FIFA president again. We state all the reasons why this is good - for football and the world. A comment by Steffen Dobbert, Christian Spiller, Paul Hofmann and Oliver Fritsch


http://www.zeit.de/sport/2014-05/sepp-blatter-fifa-korruption
posted by bigendian at 3:38 AM on May 27, 2015 [18 favorites]


sepp all looking out his window as the fbi raids the hotel next door

MEDIOCRE! he roars from behind his horsetoothed breathing mask
posted by robocop is bleeding at 3:44 AM on May 27, 2015 [30 favorites]


It's like the nuclear bomber crew in Dr. Strangelove or something - they spend all that time training and patrolling for that one day which finally comes

Bwithh, I think being FIFA's PR is more like being involved in something like Vietnam - never get a rest between each crisis...!
posted by MattWPBS at 3:46 AM on May 27, 2015


John Oliver did a rather good video on FIFA too, seems a good time to reshare it. https://youtu.be/DlJEt2KU33I
posted by MattWPBS at 3:51 AM on May 27, 2015 [6 favorites]


Am I the only one wondering why the Justice Department was unable to bring this level of focus and energy to the banking crisis?
posted by kokaku at 3:56 AM on May 27, 2015 [61 favorites]


The current NYT headline:

FIFA Officials Arrested on Corruption Charges; Sepp Blatter Isn’t Among Them

So they're basically going for the Good News, Bad News schtick.
posted by firechicago at 3:59 AM on May 27, 2015


WILD CACKLING... but Sepp Blatter is still at large. He's a Swiss citizen and (most likely) can't be extradited to the U.S.:
"The Switzerland Treaty provides that the Requested State may not decline to extradite its own nationals unless it has jurisdiction to prosecute them for the acts for which extradition is sought (art. 8). For example, if a Swiss national commits a murder in the United States and then flees
to Switzerland, he would be extraditable by the United States under the treaty despite his Swiss nationality unless Switzerland has jurisdiction to prosecute its nationals for murders committed outside its treaty."


Still, if we follow the Hollywood movie formula, this is the way to do it:
"a story-starting catalyst midway through the first act, a shootout at the midpoint that ups the ante, an all-is-lost moment—including a death—between the 75- and 80-minute mark, and a concluding final act in which the baddies are dispatched in ranking order."
posted by iviken at 4:17 AM on May 27, 2015


Kokaku I think that answer lies in political donations. FIFA had never had a united states political vision.
posted by AlexiaSky at 4:18 AM on May 27, 2015 [4 favorites]


> Am I the only one wondering why the Justice Department was unable to bring this level of focus and energy to the banking crisis?

At a guess, FIFA doesn't have the same flow of people between the offices of the regulators and the regulated that the major U.S. banks do.
posted by ardgedee at 4:18 AM on May 27, 2015 [5 favorites]


The sequel to United Passions is going to be great!
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 4:18 AM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]




iviken: WILD CACKLING... but Sepp Blatter is still at large. He's a Swiss citizen and (most likely) can't be extradited to the U.S.: "The Switzerland Treaty provides that the Requested State may not decline to extradite its own nationals unless it has jurisdiction to prosecute them for the acts for which extradition is sought (art. 8). For example, if a Swiss national commits a murder in the United States and then flees to Switzerland, he would be extraditable by the United States under the treaty despite his Swiss nationality unless Switzerland has jurisdiction to prosecute its nationals for murders committed outside its treaty."

THIS IS WHY THE SWISS CASE IS GLORIOUS! Two cases have gone live today - the US one and the Swiss one. He's not going to need to be extradited - FIFA's got so fucking nuts with its secret dealings and corruption that the Swiss have gone after them. THE SWISS. I mean, I'm basing this on their banking system and the international corruption around tax that it helps to drive, but THE SWISS.

There's a real rain starting to fall on the streets around FIFA HQ.
posted by MattWPBS at 4:37 AM on May 27, 2015 [6 favorites]


Reading this piece from Simon Kuper (called 'Why Sepp Blatter is a Genius') in Saturday's FT with some hindsight

"Western countries are powerless to change Fifa"

I think we're about to find out
posted by DanCall at 4:38 AM on May 27, 2015


I'm just surprised the raid didn't take place at some sort of hidden volcano fortress, or in space.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:47 AM on May 27, 2015 [13 favorites]


Oooooh I love the smell of Justice in the morning!
posted by sallybrown at 4:49 AM on May 27, 2015


Mod note: One comment deleted. Let's not get into an "only Americans call it 'soccer'" derail, please.
posted by taz (staff) at 4:57 AM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


Stopping? Surely there would be competition to bring the torches and pitchforks.

Nah, most of Europe is probably secretly pleased that they're being extradited to the US. America's tinpot criminal justice system, complete with obscene sentences and prison conditions that border on war crimes, is the perfect cudgel to hold over the heads of whatever corrupt international sports organization they want to threaten next. (Hello, IOC!) And Switzerland gets to keep its hands clean! Everybody wins!
posted by Mayor West at 5:00 AM on May 27, 2015 [7 favorites]


Ooh! Ooh! Do the IOC next!


I'd actually like to see them go after those young upstarts at the UCI. But first leave a bunch of old Schwinn Varsities and Dawes Galaxies leaned up against a wall near the back entrance of their HQ.


The resulting chase should be highly entertaining.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:00 AM on May 27, 2015 [7 favorites]


"Western countries are powerless to change Fifa"

There is another option: leave Fifa.
Simon Jenkins in The Guardian 3 June 2014: "We've danced to Blatter's tune for too long. Britain, the birthplace of football, should set up a rival body – if only we had the guts."

"The president of the German Football League has warned that Uefa’s 54 member nations could take the ultimate step of quitting Fifa if Michael Garcia’s report into World Cup bidding is not published in full."

"6 Potential Consequences of UEFA Pulling Out of FIFA."
posted by iviken at 5:00 AM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


America's tinpot criminal justice system, complete with obscene sentences and prison conditions that border on war crimes, is the perfect cudgel to hold over the heads of whatever corrupt international sports organization they want to threaten next

Also, who gets punished by voters: The U.S. government for taking actions leading to the downfall of the USSF, or the British government for the end of the Premier League as an international player? Even if public opinion is likely to be on the prosecutors' side regardless, it sure doesn't hurt to put them in a position where any possible retaliation means jack shit.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 5:05 AM on May 27, 2015


I'm generally an opponent of perp walks in front of the media's cameras, but that shot on the NYT that was 5-star hotel sheets blocking the view as the arrested walked out was such a gorgeous metaphor I'll allow it.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 5:06 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


The Guardian is reporting that among those arrested included Vitaly Mutko, the Russian minister for sport and head of the 2018 World Cup.

This has the potential to go political.
posted by Eleven at 5:07 AM on May 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


Quick and easy FIFA reform: your nation's voting power is proportional to its world ranking. Suddenly the federation from the Cayman Islands has so little voting power it's not even worthwhile to bribe them.
posted by thecjm at 5:07 AM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


What are the odds NSA phone tapping will figure in to this?
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 5:12 AM on May 27, 2015


*snickers* With all the money that FIFA made, they couldn't have hired one good Washington lobbyist to keep up appearances, like any other corrupt organization? Pity, that.

I cannot WAIT for the John Oliver segment on this.
posted by Ashen at 5:18 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


The Guardian is reporting that among those arrested included Vitaly Mutko, the Russian minister for sport and head of the 2018 World Cup.

This has the potential to go political.


In particular because Mutko is not "just" the Russian minister for sport -- he's a longtime Putin ally from way back in the day. I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't quietly returned to Russia in exchange for a "realignment" of the 2018 leadership.
posted by Etrigan at 5:29 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


There is not enough free disk space to save schadenfreude.jpg
posted by Sticherbeast at 5:30 AM on May 27, 2015 [25 favorites]


This is a good start but ceterum autem censeo Goodell esse delendam.
posted by graymouser at 5:40 AM on May 27, 2015 [11 favorites]


Maybe we can do an exchange program and hand that one off to France?
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 5:41 AM on May 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


Maybe we can do an exchange program and hand that one off to France?

It's the least they could do.
posted by graymouser at 5:49 AM on May 27, 2015


"I am dancing in [my] office...saying wow wow."

I can't wait to hear John Oliver & Andy Zaltzman and Stephan Fatsis crow about this.
posted by wenestvedt at 5:50 AM on May 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


Wondering what the over/under is on the inevitable Bugle Special on this coming out even quicker than they managed for the UK general election...
posted by ominous_paws at 5:57 AM on May 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


This has certainly brought together football / soccers fans worldwide.
posted by needled at 6:02 AM on May 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


I get the feeling that Jack Warner is going to grass ol' Sepp so quickly they won't even have time to get him a cup of coffee.



Also, there needs to be a Hitler Downfall parody of today's events like now.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:04 AM on May 27, 2015 [5 favorites]


For anyone who missed it, ESPN just ran a documentary on Sepp Blatter a few weeks ago, which is well worth watching.

He is still going to get re-elected in two days though, isn't he?
posted by triggerfinger at 6:05 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Oh, forgot to also link the great article that Bloomberg ran a few weeks ago on corruption in FIFA - A League Of His Own
posted by triggerfinger at 6:08 AM on May 27, 2015


The level of ignorance on display in this thread is astonishing.

Did anyone here bother reading anything about this case, describing how these indictments stem from undercover work done in part by Charles Blazer, US FIFA representative and the former head of Concacaf? Does no one here understand that FIFA does business in the US? From the BBC article:

Both Swiss and US justice officials said the indicted officials had allegedly received $150m worth of bribes from the early 1990s for football tournaments in the US and Latin America.

The alleged crimes were agreed to and prepared in the US via US bank accounts, the office of the Swiss prosecutor said, adding that the Swiss authorities could immediately approve the extradition.


Stop blabbering on about "universal jurisdiction", you're embarrassing yourselves.

I know the MeFi anti-America circlejerk is strong, but this is bordering on self-parody.
posted by Sangermaine at 6:14 AM on May 27, 2015 [18 favorites]


Can we rename this event to The World Catch?

The global impact of this is going to be unknown for quite sometime but it will be big and something will change.
posted by AlexiaSky at 6:14 AM on May 27, 2015


On a related issue, I recommend "The Two Escobars," a documentary about how Pablo Escobar, druglord and one of the ten richest men in the world, ran Colombian soccer and the fate of the team captain Andres Escobar (no relation). It has riveting footage and for those not familiar with the story, virtually an unbelievable tale.

Pablo routinely killed referees who gave "bad calls." He ran a war against Colombia that was on the scale of a foreign invasion.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 6:17 AM on May 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


From NYTimes comment section:

Aslak Oslo, Norway 7 hours ago
On behalf of the rest of the world I can safely say that we're absolutely delighted that you're using your power for good. If Bush had invaded FIFA instead of Iraq he'd have a street named after him in every European capital
posted by dabug at 6:22 AM on May 27, 2015 [43 favorites]


Sangermaine - those details weren't out when this story first broke. The NYT story was growing as I was posting. Now that we have the list of who is getting extradited to the US, it's pretty clear that these are all people who had dealing with and in the United States.

Who is getting charged in the concurrent Swiss investigation about bribery in the World Cup site selection process is a different story.
posted by thecjm at 6:23 AM on May 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


Interesting timing. FIFA was about to ban Israeli teams from competition on account of Israel preventing Palestinian teams from traveling to compete. The FIFA vote to suspend Israel was to have taken place on Friday. Problem solved!
posted by 3.2.3 at 6:34 AM on May 27, 2015


Mod note: A few comments deleted. Please drop the "comments here too un-American / uninformed" derail now. Sangermaine, if you have a problem with the post or comments, that discussion can happen in Metatalk.
posted by taz (staff) at 6:42 AM on May 27, 2015 [9 favorites]


That feeling when I take so much gratification from watching FIFA get what's coming to it: I shall dub thee 'popcornfreude'.
posted by the painkiller at 6:45 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


> If Bush had invaded FIFA instead of Iraq he'd have a street named after him in every European capital

Indeed, there have long been sporting leagues in the U.S. named after him already, commensurate with his stature in American history.
posted by ardgedee at 6:50 AM on May 27, 2015 [53 favorites]


"So what's the brief for the design of the executive boardroom?"
"Oh just make us look like the most evil organisation possible; you know something that would make a Bond film's villains' HQ look understated."
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:55 AM on May 27, 2015 [18 favorites]




Please remember that the US is wiretapping everybody around the world with impunity. They "KNOW" sooooo much. Probably, verbatim evidence.

Why go after FIFA? Why not go after the corporate masters? Self-evident. The corporations cannot have tarnished brands. These FIFA guys are a dime a dozen. It sends their governments a message: stay out of the corporate pool. We own the pool...you just swim in it.
posted by zerobyproxy at 7:12 AM on May 27, 2015


Re Vitaly Mutko - this is the Guardian article referencing him:

http://www.theguardian.com/football/2015/may/27/several-top-fifa-officials-arrested


It states that Mutko will be questioned, but not that he was arrested. Also Mutko is not listed in the U.S. indictment, according to the Guardian article or the NY Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/05/27/sports/soccer/the-fifa-officials-charged-with-corruption.html
posted by longdaysjourney at 7:13 AM on May 27, 2015


Good. Although Blatter, like the cockroach he is, will be re-elected next Friday, while selecting a successor that will "continue his legacy" while sweeping as many proofs of misconduct linked to him under the rug as possible. But today's Fiver should be a fun read.

The sequel to United Passions is going to be great!
I've joked on Twitter how Tim Roth acted in two Tarantino movies, but it took him United Passions to play the biggest crook.

Quick and easy FIFA reform: your nation's voting power is proportional to its world ranking. Suddenly the federation from the Cayman Islands has so little voting power it's not even worthwhile to bribe them.
Small correction: Cayman Islands doesn't have much power, but Jeffrey Webb, as a FIFA Executive Committee VP, has. But here's the catch - if FIFA, to clean house, decides to only allow in members from international powers (where the threat of severe sanctions against the federation that nominated a corrupt official would be far bigger), how long before someone cries that "FIFA does not care about the small nations of football"?
For all that matters, I believe the World Cup host voting should be closed to countries that either qualified in the past two competitions, or has reached the knockout stage on the previous two FIFA Youth Championships (thus, having a better chance of qualifying in the future).
posted by lmfsilva at 7:19 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]




Oh just make us look like the most evil organisation possible;

To be fair, I would absolutely take a boardroom that looks like that, I don't care if people called me evil. I love it.
posted by Lemurrhea at 7:30 AM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


Guardian Live blog
The press conference is underway as US attorney general Loretta Lynch has taken the podium outlining the charges, saying how the accused held important responsibilites at every level and were expected to unhold the rules that keep soccer honest. Instead they corrupted the business of worldwide soccer to enrich themselves.
posted by adamvasco at 7:51 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


It was later revealed by England’s bid chief that four ExCo members had solicited bribes from him for their votes; one asked for $2.5 million, while another, Nicolas Leoz of Paraguay, requested a knighthood.

Balls O Steel. My god.
posted by Theta States at 7:54 AM on May 27, 2015


Why go after FIFA? Why not go after the corporate masters?

There are no "corporate masters" of FIFA -- companies line up to throw money at them, and if Coke and Adidas and Budweiser don't want to, Pepsi and Nike and Miller will step up to do it.
posted by Etrigan at 7:57 AM on May 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


Andrew Jennings has been on this since 2006.
Sepp Blatter’s football family
posted by adamvasco at 7:57 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Hang the bastards high.
posted by theorique at 8:00 AM on May 27, 2015


De Gregorio: "Today is a good day for Fifa."

...and Bitcoin, I assume. Come on FIFA, in for a penny, in for a pound.
posted by Theta States at 8:02 AM on May 27, 2015


The US press conference is making their part of this look like it could get even more tasty.

Currie says Fifa vice-president Jeffrey Webb “used his positions of trust” to “solicit and collect bribes from sports marketing executives who needed his support to get contracts.”

“This sort of corruption and bribery in international soccer has been going on for two decades,” he says, adding the investigation leading to these indictments took years. “This is only the beginning.”


And also:

FBI director James Comey now at the podium: “This may be the way things are, but this is not the way things have to be.”

He adds: “This hijacking is being met with a very aggressive prosecutorial response in order to change behavior and send a message.”

posted by MattWPBS at 8:04 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


"This really is the World Cup of fraud, and today, we're issuing FIFA a red card."
-IRS head of criminal investigations
posted by lost_cause at 8:06 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


From the Guardian live blog:

Richard Weber, chief of the IRS criminal investigation, now at the dais.

“This really is the World Cup of fraud,” he says, “and today we are issuing Fifa a red card.”
posted by dnash at 8:06 AM on May 27, 2015


There are no "corporate masters" of FIFA -- companies line up to throw money at them, and if Coke and Adidas and Budweiser don't want to, Pepsi and Nike and Miller will step up to do it.

Yeah, to the cynical part of me it seems like, if anything, the "corporate masters" are what's driving the prosecution. Coke and Adidas et. al REALLY WANT to throw money at FIFA but they do not want to throw money at an organization that is so baldly corrupt.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:06 AM on May 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


The IRS guy ended by issuing a red card, but he started with a comment about batting cleanup. For his mixed metaphors I'm giving him a 5-yard penalty.

"This investigation is ongoing" has become one of my favorite phrases.
posted by The Nutmeg of Consolation at 8:16 AM on May 27, 2015 [15 favorites]


Please remember that the US is wiretapping everybody around the world with impunity.
The key evidence in these kinds of cases won't be derived from wiretaps, it will be old fashioned "follow the money" stuff. They have had sealed guilty pleas from four different participants since 2013 and they are doing what they always do in these kinds of cases, rolling up the higher level guys by catching and plea bargaining with the lower guys. Its not about the NSA kind of stuff at all, its a very traditional racketeering kind of investigation.
posted by Lame_username at 8:19 AM on May 27, 2015 [13 favorites]


This is like my best Christmas ever but instead of a Nintendo 64 the US gets to be the best at something related to international football!
posted by Tevin at 8:23 AM on May 27, 2015 [10 favorites]


If I'm understanding some of this correctly, FIFA doesn't sell TV rights and sponsorships directly to ESPN, Coke, etc., but instead grants sports marketing companies the privilege of re-selling the rights to our corporate overlords. The indictments allege that the sports marketing companies were bribing the shit out of FIFA officials in order to gain that privilege.

Which makes me wonder if these sports marketing companies' sole reason to exist is to insulate the big corporations from the seedier side of the business. In other words, maybe Adidas doesn't want to hand Jack Warner an envelope full of cash, but they're more than happy to let a guy at Traffic Sports USA do it for them.
posted by lost_cause at 8:36 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I don't think anyone can unfuck FIFA: the only solution is for the European and South American teams to stand aside and create a new, clean World Cup organisation from scratch.

That's not where the problem is. There are 209 member nations in FIFA. About 20 of them have actual professional soccer leagues that make any money, about 5 of them have big ones, and there's truly one one that really matters, the English Premier League. Yeah, yeah, Bundesliga, La Liga, Series A, blah blah. The Show is the EPL.

So, 20-30 nations have the money. 209 though, get to vote. Sepp Blatter makes sure that the money flows from the 20-30 nations with the money to the 170-odd other nations, by means fair or foul. At least he's a little more discreet than Jack Warner, former president of CONCACAF, who would hand out (and this is not an exaggeration in any way) cash in brown paper bags for votes.

No, his way is a bit more subtle. Did you know that FOX has the World Cup broadcast rights through 2026? Do you know why? Well, see, the original deal was that Qatar wasn't supposed to get the 2022 World Cup. Another country was, one that rhymes with "Excited Slates." FOX paid about 18 fuckmillions of dollars for those rights, and the 2018 one, which looked like it was probably going to be in the UK. And then, well, it ended up in Russia and Qatar, because of some reason that rhymes with "funny, and lots of funny at that" and FOX is NOT FUCKING HAPPY AT ALL and is going to take those 18 fuckmillions of money and not give them to Sepp Blatter, at least, not in a way that doesn't involve high velocity.

Sepp Blatter realizing he's about to get hammered cuts deals and basically tells FOX don't worry, I'll give you the rights to 2018, 2022 *and* 2026 *for the exact same price* and really, honestly, 2026 will be in a country that rhymes with "Ignited Eights" I swear please don't hurt me. FOX goes "If you screw this up we have more money than NASA had for the Apollo program so you can't even hide on the moon. So don't screw this up. Deal."

Now, I'm wondering exactly what the state of *that* little deal is at? Heh.

Even better, Seppy-boy is planning at being at the 2015 World Cup in Oh Canada. Wonder how good our extradition treaties are? Even better, wonder if we can accidentally arrange an aircraft diversion. We do have an air defense agreement. Hmmm....

You know. Blatter has to be shitting himself right now, and the thought of that...

"If you're happy and you know it clap your hands..."
posted by eriko at 8:48 AM on May 27, 2015 [57 favorites]


I get the money-laundering charges, but I'm less clear on the basis for a bribery investigation. FIFA's a private, non-governmental organization, right?
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 8:48 AM on May 27, 2015


CLAP CLAP
posted by eriko at 8:49 AM on May 27, 2015 [6 favorites]


That's not where the problem is. There are 209 member nations in FIFA. About 20 of them have actual professional soccer leagues that make any money, about 5 of them have big ones, and there's truly one one that really matters, the English Premier League. Yeah, yeah, Bundesliga, La Liga, Series A, blah blah. The Show is the EPL.

Except the leagues aren't really directly under the authority of FIFA or UEFA. "The Show" might be the Premier League (yeah, I'm an elitist who hates the term EPL), but The FA has very little sway over anything they do and UEFA doesn't really have much clout other than the Champions League and the lesser Europa League.

So really it would have to come down to the big, top rated, top endorsed nations and their federations (Brasil, Argentina, Spain, Italy, Germany, etc.) to stand up and walk away as a move to make UEFA/CONMEBOL do something, but even then what can they do? There are only so many votes.

The sponsorship angle is one, but that would take some big changes. One of the interesting allegations coming out is that Nike paid bribes to secure the Brasilian kit deal. I wouldn't be surprised if Adidas has similar allegations. Nobody's clean in this.
posted by kendrak at 8:58 AM on May 27, 2015


I get the money-laundering charges, but I'm less clear on the basis for a bribery investigation. FIFA's a private, non-governmental organization, right?

Commercial bribery is still bribery and very much illegal in most places.
posted by kersplunk at 9:15 AM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


Huh, I always thought that was just considered uncouth and embarrassing rather than actually illegal as long as nobody's skimming money without permission. I learned something!
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:22 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


No, his way is a bit more subtle. Did you know that FOX has the World Cup broadcast rights through 2026? Do you know why?

...

FOX goes "If you screw this up we have more money than NASA had for the Apollo program so you can't even hide on the moon. So don't screw this up. Deal."


I'm not sure why that's important - going on this article it looks like only about 10% of FIFA's World Cup broadcasting rights revenue comes from North and Central America, of which the USA is some unspecified fraction.

Also I can't see Fox getting to say "don't screw this up" to Blatter - why should he be afraid of minor commercial partners when he's not afraid of sovereign governments or the rule of law? He's Sepp Blatter, bitch!
posted by kersplunk at 9:29 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Commercial bribery is still bribery and very much illegal in most places
Illegal in 36 of 50 US states. Not illegal per se under federal law, so they are generally prosecuted under the wire fraud statutes. Wire fraud more or less covers everything.
posted by Lame_username at 9:31 AM on May 27, 2015


Presumably that's why this part of the investigation is proceeding under Swiss law.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:36 AM on May 27, 2015


About 20 of them have actual professional soccer leagues that make any money, about 5 of them have big ones, and there's truly one one that really matters, the English Premier League. Yeah, yeah, Bundesliga, La Liga, Series A, blah blah. The Show is the EPL.

It's not as skewed as you make out - going on 2012-13 revenue:

€3.2bn Premier League
€2.0bn Bundesliga
€1.9bn La Liga
€1.7bn Serie A
€1.3bn Ligue 1

The main difference is that the Premier League has more 'strength in depth' money-wise, whereas in, say La Liga, the top clubs are making many times what the smaller ones are.

Obviously this is revenue and not sporting success - right now the big teams in Spain and Germany are better than their English counterparts.
posted by kersplunk at 9:40 AM on May 27, 2015


Presumably that's why this part of the investigation is proceeding under Swiss law.

As far as I know, bribery involving 'non-profit' organisations was unregulated in Switzerland until relatively recently - one reason why it's home to most of the world's biggest and most corrupt sports organisations.
posted by kersplunk at 9:44 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


As far as I know, bribery involving 'non-profit' organisations was unregulated in Switzerland until relatively recently

Yep. That changed in December 2014: New Swiss law allows more scrutiny of Fifa and IOC finances
posted by Mister Bijou at 9:51 AM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm not sure I understand the crime here. I understand that you can't bribe governmental officials, but that's not what these guys are. Aren't they just guys that work for a company - FIFA? Is "bribing" them to let me host the World Cup any different from paying an Orange Julius to locate in my mall?
posted by rtimmel at 9:54 AM on May 27, 2015


Harry Shearer on Twitter: "I can't believe it's not Blatter!"
posted by Flashman at 9:58 AM on May 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


The FIFA press conference was amazing - the tone veered wildly from "FIFA is the victim here" (!) to "This is a great day for FIFA, and we made it happen ourselves" to "Sepp is very relaxed about this, because he's only the president so has nothing to do with anything" to "Obviously, he's taking this very seriously. Not that he has to".

But as a masterpiece of hurt, self-pitying, self-defensive reaction from an organisation that Simply. Can't. Believe. The. Feds, Had. The. Nerve. to nick their executives, I think it deserves an award.

FIFA (and the IOC) aren't the only reasons I regard mass organised sport with some distaste, but they surely help.
posted by Devonian at 9:58 AM on May 27, 2015 [4 favorites]


Obviously this is revenue and not sporting success - right now the big teams in Spain and Germany are better than their English counterparts.

A key difference between England and the Premier League and Spain and Germany and La Liga and the Bundesliga is autonomy and financial independence. In Spain and Germany, there is some coordination between La Liga and RFEF and the Bundesliga and DFB for player development and the like. The Premier League doesn't give money to the FA to support player development and grassroots football. It's ironic because the Premier League was supposed to help England but it's probably done the opposite. This is why Greg Dyke came up with the pretty silly idea of a B-league to help promote English players in England.

Twitter has been great and horrible today. So many bad soccer puns from people who clearly don't understand the sport beyond puns. But then you get things like the pdf of the indictment which is fun reading.
posted by kendrak at 10:00 AM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm not sure why that's important - going on this article it looks like only about 10% of FIFA's World Cup broadcasting rights revenue comes from North and Central America, of which the USA is some unspecified fraction.

For countries without FOX, read Sky Sports - same beast, different name. Also, there's the other advertising that happens during the game and post/pre game commentary. Fox/Sky are in big for soccer in America, sure, but they also have their fingers in a lot of other media market pies worldwide. They were sold a bill of goods regarding the 2018 and 2022 World Cups and are royally pissed that they are not getting what they bargained for (which is only compounded by how cheaply they could have bribed things to make them go their way, I'm sure).
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:17 AM on May 27, 2015


FWIW someone (who I can't remember--driving me nuts) once wrote that between individuals we have some degree of civilization, because individuals are subject to the law and social mores of a larger power that restricts and channels our actions.
But when it comes to nation vs. nation, there is no restriction or higher power. It simply comes down to some combination of an exercise of raw power, what they can get away with, might makes rights, and the law of the jungle.
What I have been thinking lately, is that this same thought applies to giant multi-billion dollar multi-national corporations like FIFA, the IOC, and other, run-of-the-mill non-sporting multi-nationals.
They exist in a space where there is literally no law, and no higher power. They are a power unto themselves with nothing but themselves to restrain them (and we know how that works out, every time).
Perhaps this is one small piece of the end of that system.
posted by flug at 10:19 AM on May 27, 2015


Well, Maradona has offered to personally kick the ass of any FIFA Exec found guilty of corruption, so I guess there is a higher power, a Hand of God if you will, out there.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:24 AM on May 27, 2015 [17 favorites]






Blatter's statement: "As unfortunate as these events are, it should be clear that we welcome the actions and the investigations by the US and Swiss authorities and believe that it will help to reinforce measures that FIFA has already taken to root out any wrongdoing in football."
posted by kendrak at 11:05 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'd be willing to bet that he's had that statement written for decades with XXXX in place of the relevant dates.
posted by Etrigan at 11:11 AM on May 27, 2015 [11 favorites]


> The sequel to United Passions is going to be great!

This movie, of which I was previously unaware, sounds like the closest thing we'll ever get in real life to A Burns For All Seasons.
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:22 AM on May 27, 2015 [6 favorites]


Excellent. I like the somewhat objective nature of this. Now if Norway could invite Cheney for an inspirational talk on conquering the world for fun and profit, then just throw him in a cell...
posted by CynicalKnight at 11:41 AM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


In other words, maybe Adidas doesn't want to hand Jack Warner an envelope full of cash, but they're more than happy to let a guy at Traffic Sports USA do it for them.

In my limited past life experience with sports marketing, that is exactly what they are. They're the same kind of flimsy fig leaf that SuperPACs are.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:59 AM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Even better, Seppy-boy is planning at being at the 2015 World Cup in Oh Canada.

Yeah, the Women's World Cup here suddenly got a lot more controversy injected beyond the "real versus artificial turf" battle.
posted by nubs at 12:28 PM on May 27, 2015


This movie, of which I was previously unaware, sounds like the closest thing we'll ever get in real life to A Burns For All Seasons

I tracked down the trailer earlier and if you take out the footie references, it looks like some sort of drama about the rise of a mafia family.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:56 PM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


the 2015 World Cup in Oh Canada

Just to clarify, FIFA doesn't want you to refer to the 2015 world cup as just the"2015 world cup" or "football world cup" since the players are female and male viewers may get confused and think it's 2014 or 2018; the only accepted name is "FIFA Women's World Cup".
posted by effbot at 1:04 PM on May 27, 2015 [5 favorites]


I'm going to hate myself for asking, but how much is this costing Canadian taxpayers, and what percentage of that has gone into the pockets of these professional leeches?
posted by sardonyx at 1:11 PM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I, for one, welcome our new World Football Federation overlords (or whatever the successor organization ends up calling itself).
posted by Rock Steady at 1:12 PM on May 27, 2015


Foccer, surely.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:18 PM on May 27, 2015 [4 favorites]




I have seen a few places mention the "only in the USA because we don't care about the sport" line but none that have really explained what their actual leverage to retaliate would be. Is the implication that this would get the USA banned from FIFA sanctioned activity? If so, that seems transparently corrupt even by the standards of FIFA. Beyond the team, it's not like FIFA's going to revoke the TV rights or anything and it's the domestic broadcasters that'll be building the hype and doing the bulk of the marketing. For them, a competitive team USA is desirable but hardly seems obligatory since it has not really existed in the men's game in the modern era.
posted by feloniousmonk at 1:55 PM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


On the one hand I certainly wouldn't put it past FIFA to either bar the US from competition over this or just make the USSF's life very difficult (but in completely legal ways) for as long as the current cabal lasts. On the other hand, I think the bigger concern for politicians would be, rather than open retaliation, the risk that regime change will disrupt international play in a significant way. "[David Cameron/François Hollande/Mariano Rajoy Brey] bungled the Blatter prosecution and that's why there was no Club World Cup last year!" would make a pretty dangerous campaign ad in the right circumstances.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:05 PM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm not sure I understand the crime here. I understand that you can't bribe governmental officials, but that's not what these guys are. Aren't they just guys that work for a company - FIFA? Is "bribing" them to let me host the World Cup any different from paying an Orange Julius to locate in my mall?

You pretty much just can't bribe people. US laws on this are extremely broad. At least one thing they're being charged with is honest services fraud.
posted by vogon_poet at 2:16 PM on May 27, 2015


It is interesting that they didn't arrest Blatter. Possibilities.

1) They don't have nearly enough on him to make it stick. But, they've just gotten a FIFA VP, a couple of executive committee members, and they're after more. Obviously they're digging hard.

2) They do have more than enough to nail Blatter. They just want to see who he runs to.

Have no doubt, though - Sepp Blatter is the next target. The only real question is "Is Sepp Blatter the final target, or do we move on from there?"

To give you an idea of just how much idea how much money is in play here, one of the guys they turned early -- who's already waived indictment and pled guilty, José Hawilla, has agreed to give up $151 *million* dollars. That's one guy, and that's what he *agreed* to. You gotta wonder what he thinks he's got stashed away under the floorboards.

My favorite is Nicolás Leoz, who flat out told the UK delegation during the 2018 selection process that if they couldn't get him a knighthood, he wouldn't vote for him. He resigned from the Executive committee for "health and personal reason" just before the Garcia report was released. You know, the huge, carefully researched report that FIFA very carefully did not release to the public in any way shape or form.

I think it's also going to become very clear why the UK 2018/ US 2022 bids were tossed for Russia 2018/ Qatar 2022. Both the UK and US already have the stadiums built, which meant an entire stream of bribe conduits was missing, ones that have apparently proven quite profitable in the 2010 and 2014 WC cycles. Can't have that, can we?

Oh, and one detail. Apparently, there's a "sporting apparel company" involved with the 2014 WC cycle in Brazil. That can only be Nike, because they were the only ones there.
posted by eriko at 2:29 PM on May 27, 2015 [10 favorites]


What I find interesting is that according to the Swiss prosecutors' press release, FIFA requested the investigation into corruption during the 2018 and 2022 World Cup host country votes. Surely that couldn't have happened without Sepp Blatter's sign-off. Did he not know what he was getting into? Or did he think others in the leadership had turned against him, and is burning the house down?
posted by ormon nekas at 2:31 PM on May 27, 2015


Maybe he thought it was a good way to rid himself of some enemies, and trusted the wrong people?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:34 PM on May 27, 2015


In a related story: Scientists believe that water may be, in fact, wet

The best quote I saw on twitter:
"Upon their arrest, the 7 officials immediately fell down and faked injuries.
posted by ghostiger at 2:36 PM on May 27, 2015 [11 favorites]




What I find interesting is that according to the Swiss prosecutors' press release, FIFA requested the investigation into corruption during the 2018 and 2022 World Cup host country votes. Surely that couldn't have happened without Sepp Blatter's sign-off. Did he not know what he was getting into?

There are very, very few "true" villains in the world, guys who wake up in the morning and twist their mustaches in the bathroom mirror and cackle as they think of all the evil they're going to do that day. If Blatter did sign off on a truly independent review, it was because he genuinely believed that he did nothing "wrong". Did he take a few bucks off the top? That's not, like, wrong wrong. It's just how business is done. He's a busy man who pours his heart and soul into the sport he loves, and why shouldn't he get a little extra cash out of the deal when there's so much money going to other people?

Or he knew that there was no record of his corruption because he always speaks to people face to face and never directly demands bribes (or that they demand bribes and cut him in on them). It's always "What do the Russians bring to the table?" and "How committed is Qatar to hosting these games, hmmm?"
posted by Etrigan at 2:50 PM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


I've been waiting for David Conn's piece about this since news broke last night. Here it is: Charges against Fifa executives including Jack Warner date to 1990s.

5Live had an interesting profile on Blatter tonight which had been scheduled for a while. I'll link to it when it's posted to the website, but it showed how shrewd and smooth the man has been throughout his career. Gab Marcotti had some nice words on it.
posted by kendrak at 2:52 PM on May 27, 2015


My favorite is Nicolás Leoz, who flat out told the UK delegation during the 2018 selection process that if they couldn't get him a knighthood, he wouldn't vote for him.

He also wanted the FA Cup named after him, as you do.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:05 PM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


What I find interesting is that according to the Swiss prosecutors' press release, FIFA requested the investigation into corruption during the 2018 and 2022 World Cup host country votes. Surely that couldn't have happened without Sepp Blatter's sign-off. Did he not know what he was getting into? Or did he think others in the leadership had turned against him, and is burning the house down?

This is just me, and I kind of hate myself for even suggesting this, but what are the odds even Blatter saw the Garcia Report and thought to himself "this is even worse than I allow... thought *cough*cough*" ?
I'm sure he knew a few people (including himself) were taking bribes, but at this point, I wonder if he felt some people were killing the goose with the golden eggs that is the FIFA EC by taking it way, but way too far instead of skimming some commissions and accepting gifts over the stipulated limits. A small degree of corruption is always expected in these things, but one thing is accepting a very expensive watch or a car from a bid representative trying to tip the odds, the other is actively shopping a vote for two million dollars or a fucking knighthood.
posted by lmfsilva at 3:08 PM on May 27, 2015


Back in 2010, a few days before the bidding for the World cup, the BBC broadcast a Panorama episode on Fifa corruption. They got stick for that, as it was seen as seen as contributing to our 'humiliation' going out in the first round of bidding... also our 'lack of influence'. Yeah, 'influence'.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:15 PM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


The Onion is on it:
FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States — Global Soccer Tournament To Kick Off In America Later This Afternoon
posted by cyberscythe at 3:19 PM on May 27, 2015 [18 favorites]


It's always "What do the Russians bring to the table?" and "How committed is Qatar to hosting these games, hmmm?"

IMO, that is exactly how it's done. And if the offer isn't enough, you don't specify a number. You just say, "The other delegation's representatives were very impressive in their resolve to get the games."

In other words, when you're holding the wad of cash in your hand, you say, "Gee, this feels light."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:20 PM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


IMO, that is exactly how it's done. And if the offer isn't enough, you don't specify a number. You just say, "The other delegation's representatives were very impressive in their resolve to get the games."

This will certainly put a new twist next time a pundit comes with the "their opponents wanted it more" cliché.
posted by lmfsilva at 3:25 PM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


feloniousmonk: "none that have really explained what their actual leverage to retaliate would be. Is the implication that this would get the USA banned from FIFA sanctioned activity?"

The traditional method by the IOC is to keep disqualifying your country's individual athletes on technicalities, or start throwing (expensive) roadblocks in front of, say, your gymnastics' national federation's certification so they keep having to jump through hoops. Bury them with technicalities and paperwork and fines, so they know they're being punished, but can't really do anything about it

Another reason the US may have taken the lead is that the US doesn't have a cabinet-level agency for sports (and is one of the very few countries -- maybe the only one -- where the national Olympic Committee is NOT government-funded). It's laughable to say "... and Obama will be implicated in your baseball steroids scandal!!!" but in a lot of countries, where there's a "Ministry for Sport, Tourism, and Culture" or something like that at the cabinet level, the head of that department will be hand-picked by the Prime Minister, and a scandal that involves the sports minister could, actually, be extremely embarrassing for the government and damaging for the ruling party.

rtimmel: "I'm not sure I understand the crime here. I understand that you can't bribe governmental officials, but that's not what these guys are."

As a thought experiment, let's say you worked for a boss with ten employees, and your unit was being cut down to five, and he said, "I have to pay off my BMW, if you want to keep your job, you know what to do." Probably we'd call it extortion, but it's the same class of offense. Other examples in the US of private corruption include radio payola, construction bid rigging, kickbacks, or fixing sports matches.

Very broadly, the problem in the US is typically when you aren't transparent about the criteria for a particular decision. When you go to a Harlem Globetrotters game, that's not "match fixing" because nobody thinks they're being sold a "real" basketball game. If an NBA playoff game's outcome was determined in advance, however, that would fall under the general area of fraud, and if someone paid players to ensure that outcome, that's bribery. If you as a company simply choose to do business with a particular construction company, that's generally fine -- you may have very good business reasons for making that decision; but if you put out a call for bids but then award it based on who pays you the most off-the-books money, that's bribery. Generally the issues with private bribery are either the defrauding of consumers or shareholders; or the distortion of the market in ways that prevent other companies from entering the market or that keep prices artificially high. In a much more general sense, it undermines the principles of contract law, because the "real" exchange of value is taking place entirely outside the contract.

There was a lot of bitching and moaning when the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act was passed that US companies would become non-competitive in foreign markets when they couldn't pay the customary bribes to grease the wheels and win contracts. Definitely that has sometimes been true. But generally the robust protections of the US legal system which provide predictability, reliability, and transparency for corporations has vastly outweighed the minor inconvenience of not being able to pay bribes -- which is to say, upholding those principles of contract law that create a clear and predictable contract by confining the entire contract to the page actually does have value to corporate and individual actors. (Similarly, every time the NYSE tightens up its reporting requirements or cracks down on fraud for listed companies, there's lots of bitching and moaning from the Fortune 500 and the US Chamber of Commerce that it's sooooooo onerous, now everybody's going to leave the NYSE for foreign stock exchanges, it's too haaaaaaaaard to do your compliance paperwork, but the mass exodus NEVER HAPPENS because in fact those companies value that everyone else is being held to those standards too, and it's easier to get deals done when your partners know you're on the level and being held to those standards.)

Also while there's been bitching in the thread about American sports & corruption, American sports are really very clean by international standards. There's a reason John Oliver had to explain it to us; our sports problems are more of the "people are doing these totally legal things that are really unbelievable" like turning NCAA football players into indentured servants, and not so much "actual slavery" or "actual bribery." US sports problems are more "obviously messed up but extremely transparent system by which major league teams force taxpayers to buy money-losing stadia or lose beloved baseball teams" and not so much "secretly robbing the nation's treasury to pay stadium-related bribes."
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 3:27 PM on May 27, 2015 [41 favorites]


I am: 1) pleased that FIFA is busted; 2) disturbed that the US is acting as global policeman; 3) disgusted with the NYTimes money-grubbing pop-up that cannot be ignored or removed. (So I went to the Guardian to read the story.)
posted by CCBC at 3:37 PM on May 27, 2015


My wife just told me that she believes this a pre-emptive strike to make certain that the US Women's team is not cheated out of gold (again). But I keep thinking about the Salt Lake City Olympics as an example of US anti-corruption practices.
posted by CCBC at 3:44 PM on May 27, 2015


José Maria Marin is a particularily nasty bit of shit and the Brazilians are dancing.
As a congressional representative he lavished praise on Sérgio Fleury, who was head of the Department of Political and Social Order (Departamento de Ordem Politica e Social) during Brazil's military dictatorship, and particularily criticized Vladimir Herzog in speeches.
Herzog was editor in chief of TV Cultura and subsequently tortured and murdered.
A new death certificate was issued 37 years after Herzog's death to indicate that he died "due to physical torture at the facilities of DOI-Codi in the 2nd Army in São Paulo." His previous certificate indicated a possible suicide.
posted by adamvasco at 3:48 PM on May 27, 2015 [4 favorites]




1) pleased that FIFA is busted;

With you there 100% percent.

2) disturbed that the US is acting as global policeman

You know, the countries in the nations where this shit was actually happening could have done something in the last 25 years, but none of them, well, did a thing. Not anything. Nothing. Nada. England complained about it, even was heard to say something like "Well, see here!" but charges? Arrests? Actual investigations? Nope. Nothing.

So, sorry, but apparently, only the Americans can be adults here, bothers me too, because really, what it says is THE REST OF THE WORLD THINKS THIS SHIT IS JUST HUNKY DORY, and just shakes their fists and stomps their feet and HEY THE FOOTIES ON.

So, well, sorry, rest of the world. This shit ain't hunky-fucky-dory, and somebody had to be the adults here. If you can't be bothered to prosecute FIFA, here's our Global Policeman Badge, and you are NICKED, FIFA, and if you guys have a problem with that, next time, bust the SOBs without waiting a quarter century, okay?

3) disgusted with the NYTimes money-grubbing pop-up that cannot be ignored or removed. (So I went to the Guardian to read the story.)

ALSO completely with you there. This is what Joe Maddon calls Meatloaf.


(two out of three ain't bad?)

(manager of the Cubs?)

(sigh)
posted by eriko at 3:51 PM on May 27, 2015 [5 favorites]


I wonder if Sepp Blatter has ever killed a man.
posted by truex at 3:51 PM on May 27, 2015


Besides, "global referee" is a better, more headline-friendly label.
posted by Atom Eyes at 3:55 PM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]




Given that the US arrests are of the officers of an organization headquartered in Miami who were laundering money through US bank accounts, the whole "Oh no, America world police!" thing is just silly. Anyway, the Swiss are doing their own investigation now too, and I know it's already been said, but how fucking blatantly corrupt do you have to be to get arrested for money laundering in Switzerland?
posted by strangely stunted trees at 4:00 PM on May 27, 2015 [17 favorites]


I guess a shorter way of making my point about American sports and American law would be, "Americans love rules. They don't care very much whether the rules are stupid; they care that they everybody is following the same rules, and that there are procedures for making them. If you make the rules in a transparent and arguably fair fashion, Americans will agree to abide by the content of pretty much any stupid rule you want."

It is one of the defining characteristics of the modern American character, that we will accept incredibly dumb-ass outcomes as long as they were generated in a procedurally correct fashion. We care more about justice in the PROCESS than justice in the OUTCOME. (I think there are actually interesting reasons for this relating to how Due Process laws developed in the Civil Rights Era, but the point is Americans looooove process.)

FIFA had a crazy corrupt PROCESS. If you spent the same amount of money in a clear and transparent bid process, and then split the money collected from the bids among FIFA voting members as a "bonus" for all their hard work (resulting in the same amount of money distributed in exactly the same way, and allowing countries to just outright purchase the World Cup), most Americans would be like, "That's a dumb system that seems to lead to suboptimal outcomes, but okay, hey, that's the system." But a secret opaque PROCESS? BAD AND UNFAIR.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:01 PM on May 27, 2015 [38 favorites]


kendrak: Here's the BBC 5 Live special "There's Only One Sepp Blatter".

And here's the iTunes link. It's about how Sepp Blatter went from being a wedding singer to the chief administrator of international football.
posted by Kattullus at 4:08 PM on May 27, 2015


Meet The Jordanian Prince Running Against Sepp Blatter In The FIFA Presidential Election - Surprise, his platform is "transparency"!
posted by psoas at 4:12 PM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


AP's "FIFA THE LATEST" feed is pretty busy. Some tidbits from the most recent updates:

-- Jack Warner surrendered to police, got stuck in jail when his bail didn't show up in time.
-- Nike is part of the investigation.
-- Don't think I've seen the ties between North American Soccer League and Traffic Sports spelled out before, but that's probably just me not paying attention.
-- And to show that they're on top of everything, FIFA's ethics committee has suspended the people who got arrested since the "charges are clearly related to football."
posted by effbot at 4:14 PM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


That's a dumb system that seems to lead to suboptimal outcomes, but okay, hey, that's the system.

I believe that is carved above the doors of the U.S. Capitol Building.
posted by Rock Steady at 4:34 PM on May 27, 2015 [20 favorites]


Sky Sources: Swiss nationals working for Fifa including Sepp Blatter told by investigators they can't leave Switzerland until further notice

Aaaaand there it is, Blatter is done.

UEFA is talking of a boycott, which is great PR and conveniently gives them an excuse not to be where the arrests are happening. I wonder how far the Feds are willing to take this, Plattini and his dodgy kid are probably wondering the same.
posted by fullerine at 5:18 PM on May 27, 2015 [6 favorites]


Oh man... if Platini goes down that would be kind of sweet. I really wish Figo would step back in the race right now just for added twists though he seemed awfully naive.
posted by kendrak at 5:25 PM on May 27, 2015


Yeah, okay. It's good somebody is doing it, so hooray USA! (Actually, if anyone, including, oh, Zimbabwe or Myanmar or The Lord's Army, had been the cop, I would still be gratified.)
posted by CCBC at 5:35 PM on May 27, 2015


The human toll of FIFA's corruption, including an absolutely brutal graphic that shows exactly why "highest bidder"(whether over or under the table) is not the best way to dole out these sorts of events.
posted by Etrigan at 5:37 PM on May 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


Worth keeping in mind that the US indictments are primarily related to shenanigans involving CONCACAF and CONMEBOL, the North and South American confedrations, rather than FIFA per se. It's really the Swiss investigation that has FIFA itself in its sights. And good on the Swiss for finally sickening of FIFA's bullshit. (No, FIFA did not initiate the investigation. Its hand was forced by new, serious, reform-minded Swiss officials.)
posted by stargell at 5:39 PM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


Eyebrows, you just convinced me that I'm an American at heart.
brb, processing feelings.
posted by Lemurrhea at 5:49 PM on May 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


I guess a shorter way of making my point about American sports and American law would be, "Americans love rules. They don't care very much whether the rules are stupid; they care that they everybody is following the same rules, and that there are procedures for making them. If you make the rules in a transparent and arguably fair fashion, Americans will agree to abide by the content of pretty much any stupid rule you want."
That's... a really interesting insight. It may even be the main difference between the New World (non-Spanish former colonies) and the Old World.
posted by Kevin Street at 6:45 PM on May 27, 2015 [7 favorites]


Is the implication that this would get the USA banned from FIFA sanctioned activity? If so, that seems transparently corrupt even by the standards of FIFA.

Yep. They have a very strong line against 'political interference' of any sort. This is laudable when it means taking a stand against Saddam Hussein torturing his players after a poor performance, but the same rule was used to block an investigation by the South African government into match fixing in international friendlies.

On their website it's explained in very idealistic terms, but there's no doubt it's been also used as a tool to avoid oversight and scrutiny.
posted by kersplunk at 6:58 PM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


The real reason they are going after FIFA is that it is illegal for foreigners to donate to American political campaigns.
posted by srboisvert at 7:18 PM on May 27, 2015


via Harry's Place:
RT BREAKING: Swiss Police confirm that, when arrested, all seven FIFA officials threw themselves on the ground and pretended to be injured.
— Jeffrey Toobin (@JeffreyToobin) May 27, 2015
posted by Joe in Australia at 8:18 PM on May 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


RT BREAKING: Swiss Police confirm that, when arrested, all seven FIFA officials threw themselves on the ground and pretended to be injured.
— Jeffrey Toobin (@JeffreyToobin) May 27, 2015


Boo!
posted by stargell at 8:30 PM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Aaaaand there it is, Blatter is done.

Dammit, my plan of diverting Blatter from his flight to Canada is ruined.

Shucky darns.

UEFA is talking of a boycott, which is great PR and conveniently gives them an excuse not to be where the arrests are happening

Whoops, darn, left the cat on, have to take the pilot light to the vet, just can't make the big meeting, sorry FIFA!

Is the implication that this would get the USA banned from FIFA sanctioned activity?

FIFA has pulled this trick before. I suspect, however, that annoying the Department of Justice like that would be a seriously suboptimal move by FIFA. I don't think they would be that dumb -- and I'm not one to credit anybody like FIFA with cluefulness, but really, they wouldn't be dumb enough to actually taunt the cops, would they?
posted by eriko at 8:37 PM on May 27, 2015


You know, if U.S. Soccer / MLS spins this right, the whole World Police angle could be what finally gets Joe Sixpack into the game.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:35 PM on May 27, 2015


@scottdools: "I hope that at least one of the FIFA delegates tried to get out of being arrested by rolling around on the floor grabbing his knee."
posted by Golden Eternity at 9:38 PM on May 27, 2015 [1 favorite]




I've heard that FIFA has put Luis Suarez and Inspector McGruff in charge of the internal investigation. They've promised to take a bite out of crime.
posted by eriko at 5:26 AM on May 28, 2015 [6 favorites]


Reading the Guardian liveblog it looks like UEFA will be voting for Prince Ali, and may be boycotting FIFA if Blatter is re-elected.
posted by MattWPBS at 6:27 AM on May 28, 2015




Kevin Street: That's... a really interesting insight. It may even be the main difference between the New World (non-Spanish former colonies) and the Old World.

I don't know, I think most humans are the same. If they feel that the process is working the way they expect it, they don't grumble too much about the system, even if they dislike the outcome. I don't really think it's particularly an American thing.
posted by Kattullus at 6:43 AM on May 28, 2015


Everyone is running with that joke.

I also feel like I'm seeing "pressure on Blatter" as a stealth joke in a lot of headlines, but that may just me being childish.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 6:49 AM on May 28, 2015 [4 favorites]


I know triggerfinger already posted the link to this Bloomberg story, but it is worth it for the lede alone:
It can be hard to find the perfect way to describe Joseph “Sepp” Blatter, the head of FIFA. The Daily Mail has called him a “smug, self-righteous Zurich gnome.” The Guardian has called him “the most successful non-homicidal dictator of the past century.” In April, at the annual meeting of FIFA’s North and Central American representatives, Osiris Guzman, president of Dominican Republic soccer, goes in another direction, comparing Blatter to Jesus Christ, Nelson Mandela, and Winston Churchill. “Why is he different from these other men?” demands Guzman, whom FIFA banned from soccer for 30 days in a 2011 vote-­buying scandal. For good measure, he adds Moses, Martin Luther King Jr., and Abraham Lincoln.
posted by nubs at 7:51 AM on May 28, 2015 [3 favorites]




Blatter is apparently the man to clean up FIFA given time, same as in 2011.
posted by MattWPBS at 9:30 AM on May 28, 2015


HEY GUYS DON'T WORRY EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE FINE!!!!
Blatter says he is going to restore trust in FIFA!

Phew.
That was a close call.

Glad everything's going to be ok now though.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 10:23 AM on May 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


Still not gonna watch a second of the Qatar World Cup.
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:44 AM on May 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


Still not gonna watch a second of the Qatar World Cup.

I'm just going to wait for the high-lights reel of players passing out on the field.
posted by Theta States at 11:02 AM on May 28, 2015


We're all (rightly) harping in the Qatar World Cup, and for good reason, but the Russia World Cup is also problematic for some different, and some similar reasons.
posted by cell divide at 11:03 AM on May 28, 2015 [5 favorites]


eriko: FIFA has pulled this trick before. I suspect, however, that annoying the Department of Justice like that would be a seriously suboptimal move by FIFA. I don't think they would be that dumb -- and I'm not one to credit anybody like FIFA with cluefulness, but really, they wouldn't be dumb enough to actually taunt the cops, would they?

They aren't that dumb but they are that arrogant.
posted by nathan_teske at 11:38 AM on May 28, 2015




The difference between the Russia and Qatar world cups is that people can be reasonably assured that the Russian world cup will actually function as a proper tournament and Russia actually has a soccer history. No one who wasn't bribed could think that the Qatar tournament would work. The Qatar proposal was talking about air conditioned stadiums in order to make a summer tournament work. Now they're looking at changing the entire football calendar for 2 years in order to move the world cup to the winter. The population of Qatar is barely over 2,000,000. What are they going to do with these stadiums when the thing is over? Plus Qatar is not a soccer playing country in the way that Russia is. Qatar has never even qualified for a world cup before and given their population and climate likely never will.

I don't doubt that money or other favours were handed out to give Russia the 2018 world cup, but they are plausible hosts and will likely do a decent job of it.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 1:55 PM on May 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


Putin casts FIFA scandal as U.S. plot to wreck Russia's 2018 World Cup

A week earlier and he could've spun it as why Russia lost the Eurovision Song Contest, too.
posted by argonauta at 3:24 PM on May 28, 2015 [3 favorites]


Putin casts FIFA scandal as U.S. plot to wreck Russia's 2018 World Cup

That's like a bank robber complaining about having to pay a fine.
posted by Etrigan at 3:39 PM on May 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


Putin casts FIFA scandal as U.S. plot to wreck Russia's 2018 World Cup

Funny, someone who'd won an honest vote wouldn't be worried about this.
posted by eriko at 3:44 PM on May 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


On the news here in Japan they presented an overview of the FIFA scandal and had experts talk about what aspects of FIFA made it so prone to corruption, contrasting it against a similar but corruption-free organization: the IOC.

(my eyes bugged out)
posted by Bugbread at 3:59 PM on May 28, 2015 [8 favorites]


Bear in mind that for years and years, the Japanese Powers that Be swore up and down that sumo was 100% on the up-and-up.
posted by DoctorFedora at 4:01 PM on May 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


-- Jack Warner surrendered to police, got stuck in jail when his bail didn't show up in time.

Oh, apparently Jack Warner left jail in an ambulance suffering from "exhaustion."

Half of me says "umm....this is police abuse bad."

Half of me says "umm....this is Jack Warner's get out of jail free card."

All of me asks "Did he still have his passport?" because JACK WARNER.
posted by eriko at 7:14 PM on May 28, 2015




the only accepted name is "FIFA Women's World Cup"

On the upside, the FIFA16 game now has women's teams for the first time ever: We're in the game!

(Of course, they went with national teams that are big on the men's side, not the actual teams that made it to the world cup, which made some teams a bit unhappy.)
posted by effbot at 1:44 AM on May 29, 2015


McCain Urges Military Strikes Against FIFA

that's not fucking funny
posted by ominous_paws at 1:49 AM on May 29, 2015


Test of the electronic voting system at the FIFA Congress.

"Did Germany win the last World Cup?"

5% of delegates voted 'no'.
posted by MattWPBS at 2:05 AM on May 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh, apparently Jack Warner left jail in an ambulance suffering from "exhaustion."

Half of me says "umm....this is police abuse bad."

Half of me says "umm....this is Jack Warner's get out of jail free card."

All of me asks "Did he still have his passport?" because JACK WARNER.


Jack Warner out dancing hours after leaving prison on medical grounds
posted by frimble at 2:31 AM on May 29, 2015


Putin casts FIFA scandal as U.S. plot to wreck Russia's 2018 World Cup

I'll just note here that Gazprom is one of Fifa's 'partners'
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:35 AM on May 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


5% of delegates voted 'no'.

Well, according to Gawker's "best of FIFA indictment", one guy claimed he had severe dementia while running the Uruguay and South America FAs:

In his application [for US citizenship], FIGUEREDO falsely affirmed under penalty of perjury that (a) he neither worked anywhere else in the previous five years nor ever had any affiliation with any organization or association in the United States or in any other place; and (b) he was exempt from the required English-language and civics exams because of a mental disability. Prior to obtaining his U.S. citizenship in August 2006, FIGUEREDO submitted documentation explaining his mental disability that falsely stated that he had severe dementia.

so a bunch of these guys not remembering who won what is probably expected.
posted by effbot at 2:40 AM on May 29, 2015


ominous_paws: "that's not fucking funny"

Funny is objective. And I found it fucking funny.
posted by Bugbread at 3:07 AM on May 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


Jack Warner out dancing hours after leaving prison on medical grounds

Yeah, that's what I suspected, but given police recently....
posted by eriko at 3:09 AM on May 29, 2015


The Guardian's Barney Ronay is in Zurich. Here's an excerpt from his piece:
Across from the Baur au Lac hotel, last known residence of the Fifa Six, the only notable change from the everyday is the powerful stench of horse manure from the nearby zoo (oddly enough this isn’t actually a metaphor). In true Swiss fashion, the arrest on corruption charges of six Fifa officials on Wednesday morning – surely the first time, even here, a hotel concierge has been heard informing one of his VIP guests, “Sir, we’re going to need you to come to your door and open it for us or we’re going to have to kick it in” – has left little mark on the city.
Here's the whole thing.
posted by Kattullus at 3:45 AM on May 29, 2015


In his application [for US citizenship], FIGUEREDO falsely affirmed under penalty of perjury that (a) he neither worked anywhere else in the previous five years nor ever had any affiliation with any organization or association in the United States or in any other place; and (b) he was exempt from the required English-language and civics exams because of a mental disability. Prior to obtaining his U.S. citizenship in August 2006, FIGUEREDO submitted documentation explaining his mental disability that falsely stated that he had severe dementia.

The one thing that can actually get your US citizenship taken away without you doing something is if you're a naturalized citizen and you lied during the naturalization process. So, that's a big deal sort of thing if US citizenship was important to this guy in some way.
posted by eriko at 3:51 AM on May 29, 2015


So far today at the FIFestival....

1) A bomb threat. Not a joke. A full on evacuate-the-hall-and-do-a-bomb-sweep bomb threat. No bomb found.

2) The president of the Congolese FA and FIFA executive committee member, Constant Omari, has told French radio RTL than Germany bought the 2006 World Cup by bribing Oceania -- how many of Oceania's 11 votes, he didn't make clear, but given Teutonic Efficiency, I'm sure it was 77. When in doubt, accuse the other guys of doing what they're accusing you of doing. I'm shocked, etc.

3) Apparently, there's a deal and we aren't going to suspend Israel from FIFA. Apparently, that was a thing. Now it's not. The issue at hand explained.

4) The Serious Fraud Is Serious Office in Ye Olde England is "actively assessing 'material in its possession' related to the FIFA allegations" so apparently Big Dave Cameron wants to get in on the play as well. "Big" Dave, of course, is the the Famous England striker well known for missing the net completely in the 2010 runups but managing to win the title anyway.

5) UPDATE: Well, maybe we're going to suspend Israel after all. It's complicated. Sepp Blatter is, for once, doing the smart thing and kicking the issue back on the agenda repeatedly as people keep trying to work a deal.

6) Remember the game? Here are the Grauniad's Goals of the Week.
posted by eriko at 5:42 AM on May 29, 2015


Die Zeit: Why Sepp Blatter deserves our support. The same article as upthread, but now translated into English.
posted by frimble at 8:30 AM on May 29, 2015 [3 favorites]




Blatter does not get a 2/3rds majority in the first round of voting. He's leading 133 to 73, so he should win the second round, where a simple majority is enough.
posted by Kattullus at 10:02 AM on May 29, 2015


Prince Ali has withdrawn from the contest.
posted by Pendragon at 10:17 AM on May 29, 2015


Make way for King Sepp.
posted by Kattullus at 10:20 AM on May 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


I realize I must be at least the eight millionth person to make an Aladdin joke.
posted by Kattullus at 10:22 AM on May 29, 2015


Blatter re-elected:
http://gu.com/p/49bvp?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Copy to clipboard

Going to need to be arrested to get him out. Let's hope the Swiss get to that point, and let's hope UEFA boycott the World Cup.
posted by MattWPBS at 10:23 AM on May 29, 2015


Jack Warner out dancing hours after leaving prison on medical grounds

Wow, so the "fake injury" football joke that everyone did ACTUALLY came true.
posted by Theta States at 10:23 AM on May 29, 2015 [9 favorites]


So, Seppy-Boy holds onto most of AFC (Asia, 46 members, Australia voted against), probably all of CAF (Africa, 54) and much of the CONCACAF small fry (North America, Central American and the Caribbean, 41.) UFEA (Europe, 53 members) went against, other than Russia and apparently Spain, possibly a couple of others, as did CONMEBOL (South America, 10) and the CONCACAF big guys (USA/Canada/Mexico and the big Central American teams.)

In other words, the countries getting scammed voted against, the countries getting bribed voted for. This is my surprised face.

Going to need to be arrested to get him out. Let's hope the Swiss get to that point, and let's hope UEFA boycott the World Cup.

And you know, it won't help. The small fry will just put somebody else up to make sure they get all the money.

The only answer is for UFEA, CONMEBOL and the few other big market nations in the other confederations -- Japan, Australia, New Zealand, North American, there are a couple of others -- to just leave FIFA altogether and form a new organization that makes sure that the 170 tiny countries that will never ever compete don't get to band together and control where the money flows in the game, or this will just keep happening. Sepp Batter is unstoppable because he makes sure that Africa and Asia *get paid*, and they make sure *he gets paid right back*, and the next guy will do the exact same thing, because if he (and you know it'll be a he) doesn't make damn sure to grease those palms, he will not be elected.

But nothing will happen. UFEA will shake their fist and stomp their feet and OH CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL. Until UFEA actually does something nothing will happen, and UFEA has been treating to do something for so long that it's pretty clear that they never will.
posted by eriko at 10:35 AM on May 29, 2015 [6 favorites]


The highlight for me of the FIFA Congress was the eclectic DJ. Were they playing "My Girl" between Prince Ali's speech and Blatter coming on the stage?

Will David Gill actually resign now? I'm guessing no. I really doubt UEFA will do anything other than some blustering. Platini totally on the take.

The other highlight today has been Richard Keys on Twitter defending the human rights record of Qatar. He knows how many construction workers have died because he lives there.
posted by kendrak at 10:38 AM on May 29, 2015


Meet the new boss, same as the old boss
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:03 AM on May 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Charlton Heston is my president.
posted by 7segment at 11:06 AM on May 29, 2015


Richard Nixon was re-elected in November 1972, four months after the Watergate break-in. He was finally was forced to resign in summer 1974. Sometimes these things take a while.
posted by philip-random at 11:12 AM on May 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


"So what's the brief for the design of the executive boardroom?"
"Oh just make us look like the most evil organisation possible; you know something that would make a Bond film's villains' HQ look understated."


FWIW
posted by Sys Rq at 11:12 AM on May 29, 2015


Inside the conference hall before the vote...

"Issa Hayatou, the president of the Confederation of African Football who is in his seventh term of office, appeared as chairman of the finance committee and promised $1m to every member association."

grauniad

posted by Mister Bijou at 11:18 AM on May 29, 2015


Sepp Batter is unstoppable because he makes sure that Africa and Asia *get paid*, and they make sure *he gets paid right back*, and the next guy will do the exact same thing, because if he (and you know it'll be a he) doesn't make damn sure to grease those palms, he will not be elected.

I guess I don't understand why somebody else hasn't come in and assured the tiny countries that he'll keep the money spigot flowing without having to be bribed, just in exchange for votes. I mean, if nobody can get elected without their support, why are they spending their own money on this nonsense? How could anyone be dumb enough to seek the presidency without "money for small-nation leagues" as a cornerstone of their platform?
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:35 AM on May 29, 2015


Because those small countries -- for the most part -- aren't corruption-free except for the Vote For Sepp bribes. They're all skimming as much as they can grab too, so reform will hurt their pocketbooks as well.
posted by Etrigan at 12:36 PM on May 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Time to get working on my Atlas Shrugged remake screenplay, in which I replace railroads with soccer, and Galt's Gulch with Wembley.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 1:01 PM on May 29, 2015


Can we take up a collection to get Loretta Lynch a custom USWNT away jersey with her name and #14 (re: the number of initial indictments)?

This is the most exciting thing that's happened in football this year.
posted by Kreiger at 2:41 PM on May 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Or maybe the Ballon d'Or?
posted by Kreiger at 2:56 PM on May 29, 2015


Barney Ronay again:
Even by Fifa standards this was a bizarre and indeed rather disorientating day. Not only is Blatter back, re-elected by a concession on the second round of voting. He is apparently back as a reform candidate, here to root out the corruption, wire fraud and racketeering that afflicted the world's most lucratively beleaguered sport during the reign of his long-term predecessor, who also happens to have been Sepp Blatter. "We cannot let this go on!" – Blatter announced at one point during his gorgeously, almost sensuously deluded stump speech. And yet, here it is all the same. Still very much going on.
Here's the whole article.
posted by Kattullus at 3:53 AM on May 30, 2015 [3 favorites]


Will Leitch at New York Magazine:
"This sort of open acceptance of vice and corruption, however, is antithetical to the way Americans think about sports. No matter how ugly and corporate our sports become, Americans remain obsessed with at least the perception of fair play. Every major issue in American sports — ­performance-enhancing drugs, management-labor relations, foreign substances on pitchers’ hats, those goddamned deflated footballs — is filtered through that prism: We must have a level playing field. Of course, there is not and never has been a level playing field. But the idea that there should be one is intrinsic to the American ideal, in sports as in everything else. [...] The defining American sports issues of our time tend to revolve around the defining American issues of our time. Race relations. The class struggle. Changing social mores. Management attempting to get one over on labor. But these are not necessarily the major issues in the rest of the world; the rest of the world’s problems tend to be more dire. Kleptocracy. Financial malfeasance. Inhuman labor practices. (More than 1,000 people have died building FIFA its stadiums in Qatar.)

These contrasting ideals — these dramatically different perspectives and values — were inevitably going to collide. American sports have First World problems. But international soccer — enabled and emboldened by FIFA — isn’t part of the First World. It lives on the real, raw, dangerous, Darwinian planet, outside the comforts we’ve grown used to in American sports. Ghana’s players nearly left in the middle of last year’s World Cup — the biggest, most lucrative sporting event in the galaxy by a factor of about ten — ­because they weren’t being paid."
I'm predisposed to like the article because he agrees with my thoughts on American sports and corruption, but I thought the insight that American sports have First World problems and soccer has more Hobbesian problems was an interesting way to think about FIFA.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:10 PM on May 30, 2015 [6 favorites]






John Oliver is back on the case.
posted by Jansku at 5:54 AM on June 1, 2015 [6 favorites]


Arrested Ex-FIFA VP Cites The Onion In Strange Self-Defense Video...

What the what? I mean... the "article" says FIFA is staging a new World Cup starting "today." And this guy doesn't realize this is not a thing that's happening?
posted by dnash at 2:07 PM on June 1, 2015


Breaking News (NYT): Blatter’s Top FIFA Deputy Is Said to Have Transferred Money Central to Bribery Case

Federal authorities believe that Sepp Blatter’s top lieutenant at FIFA made $10 million in bank transactions that are central elements of the bribery scandal engulfing international soccer, United States officials and others briefed on the case said Monday. The revelation puts the money trail closer to Mr. Blatter, FIFA’s president, than had been previously known.

(Extra hilarious: Danny Jordaan, the chief executive of South Africa’s World Cup bid and the current president of its soccer federation, has said the money was not a bribe but a legitimate payment into a soccer development fund in the Caribbean.)
posted by RedOrGreen at 3:19 PM on June 1, 2015


Socialist Unity: Sepp Blatter’s re-election is a victory for democracy
What ‘they’ dismiss as patronage, others call the redistribution of resources and funds from the developed nations to the undeveloped nations, providing the latter with the ability to compete on the international stage. Even more important is how it has kept alive the dream in the hearts of millions of impoverished kids of a route out of poverty for them and their families via football.
No, apparently not a parody.
posted by Joe in Australia at 7:51 PM on June 1, 2015


Wow, just wow on the Socialist Unity. Yes the author kind of acknowledges the Qatari worker deaths but this is some real "The enemy of my enemy is my friend" type stuff going on.

From the new NYTimes article:
Mr. Warner voted for South Africa, but in the months and years after the vote, South Africa was unable to pay. So rather than take a payment directly from South Africa, the indictment says, FIFA itself paid Mr. Warner in 2008, using money that would otherwise have gone to South Africa to support the World Cup.
In effect, the indictment says the bribe was paid on the back end so South Africa received $10 million less from FIFA than it otherwise would have.
So not only did South Africa get stuck with a bunch of unused & unneeded stadiums they got less money then they should have originally.
posted by mmascolino at 6:28 AM on June 2, 2015


Well. This is *fascinating*. FIFA has called a snap press conference, because apparently, there's this letter from the then President of the South African Football Association to the General Secretary of FIFA -- you know, Sepptastic's Right Hand Man -- basically saying "Hey, give Ten Million Bucks to Jack Warner."

Not that this was payment for a vote for, say, a 2010 World Cup. Because there wasn't a 2010 World Cup in South Africa, that was held in OOOOOHHHHHH.
posted by eriko at 9:14 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


Sounds like Blatter is stepping down as soon as another election can be held.
posted by Drinky Die at 9:47 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


Wow. That "President for life" lasted four days. Wonder who's got what on him?
posted by eriko at 9:50 AM on June 2, 2015


Federal authorities believe that Sepp Blatter’s top lieutenant at FIFA made $10 million in bank transactions that are central elements of the bribery scandal

That may have been the last straw.
posted by Drinky Die at 9:52 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


Wait, we're talking about soccer.* We should be singing.

Na na na na!
Na na na na!
HEY HEY HEY
GOODBYE!


* I call it soccer because FIFA calls it football and FIFA is always wrong.
posted by eriko at 9:52 AM on June 2, 2015 [3 favorites]


Who took all the bribes?
Who took all the bribes?
YOU FAT BASTARD
YOU FAT BASTARD
YOR TOOK ALL THE BRIBES!

posted by eriko at 9:53 AM on June 2, 2015 [4 favorites]




It's official: Sepp Blatter to Resign as FIFA President

I wish I could personally buy John Oliver a Bud Light Lime. [on preview: heh!]
posted by argonauta at 10:06 AM on June 2, 2015 [3 favorites]


So, reports that Valcke was personally involved this morning.
FIFA rubbishes the claims.
Letter showing Valcke was personally involved leaked to the press.
Blatter quits.

I have a feeling sometime this afternoon a conversation took place which included the phrase "taking all of you fuckers down with me"
posted by fullerine at 10:07 AM on June 2, 2015 [7 favorites]


Hi, just came back in to this thread to do a little jig and simmer in some clever snark. Mefi... go!
posted by Theta States at 10:08 AM on June 2, 2015 [4 favorites]


I will sing for you the song of my people:

USA USA USA!
posted by Drinky Die at 10:08 AM on June 2, 2015 [6 favorites]


YOR TOOK ALL THE BRIBES!

The Hunter from the Future?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:10 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


Looks like John Oliver will be consuming some cheap McDonalds food and a bottle of Bud Lime beer yt , imminently.

And it will taste like FY*#^%G CHAMPAGNE!.

YOU'RE NOT SPONGING
YOU'RE NOT SPONGING
YOU'RE NOT SPONGING ANYMORE!
YOU'RE NOT SPONGGGGGGINGGGGG ANYMORE!

posted by eriko at 10:11 AM on June 2, 2015 [3 favorites]


I feel like hi-fiving people, and I don't give a SHIT about football.

Can't wait for the movie / book / Netflix series about this all to come out.
posted by Theta States at 10:11 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


Fuck yes.
posted by MattWPBS at 10:12 AM on June 2, 2015


The Hunter from the Future?

He's quite good.
posted by eriko at 10:12 AM on June 2, 2015


You're going home in a bloody cop car!
You're going home in a bloody cop car!
You're going home in a bloody cop car!
posted by MattWPBS at 10:13 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


What's that coming over the hill?
Is it a warrant, is it a warrant?
posted by MattWPBS at 10:15 AM on June 2, 2015


WHAT A DAY!

WHAT A LOVELY DAY!

Really can't wait for the sequel to United Passions. (Yes, that was an actual sponsored tweet that hit my feed.) Corruption, bribery, investigations, indictments. Gonna be awesome. Casting idea: CCH Pounder as Loretta Lynch.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 10:15 AM on June 2, 2015 [4 favorites]


USA USA USA!

Okay, I know you guys get mad at us for that chant, but really, it's a natural chant, it rolls off the tounge, and I promise you, if and when the USMNT wins the World Cup, we will stand arm in arm with our English mates and together we shall sing "Two World Wars and One World Cup, Doo Dah, Doo Dah" right along with you at the Germans, as all right thinking teams should, and when the Aussies manage the feat as well, why they shall join us as well.
posted by eriko at 10:17 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


HI FIVES ALL ROUND
posted by Ned G at 10:18 AM on June 2, 2015


Can I get my wish now?
posted by Ned G at 10:18 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


I
I BELIEVE
I BELEIVE THAT
I BELEIVE THAT
I BELEIVE THAT YOU
I BELEIVE THAT YOU ARE
I BELEIVE THAT YOU ARE NICKED
posted by eriko at 10:21 AM on June 2, 2015 [3 favorites]


Blatter statement of resignation

[edit: Link fixed]
posted by Mister Bijou at 10:26 AM on June 2, 2015


Blatter statement of resignation

"This time, I will succeed."

God, the thought that he might even fail at quitting?
posted by eriko at 10:29 AM on June 2, 2015


If the head of an organization with a well-established reputation for endemic, systematic corruption spanning decades can't be trusted, well...I just don't know what to think anymore.
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:39 AM on June 2, 2015


I think I know what happened.

"God dammit this shredder jammed AGAIN!.

That's it. I QUIT!"
posted by eriko at 10:39 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


"God dammit this shredder jammed AGAIN!.

What is the shredder reference? It is on the Guardian liveblog as well: "I’m getting inundated with tweets and emails. It’s fair to say the word ‘shredder’ crops up in the majority of them."
posted by Theta States at 10:42 AM on June 2, 2015


The implication is that he is using a paper shredder to destroy evidence.
posted by Drinky Die at 10:45 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


I must admit, I wasn't expecting that.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 10:51 AM on June 2, 2015


Well given how rambling his acceptance speech was last week, it seemed like he might zig and zag today. He started off gravely, but I assumed he was going to sack Valke. Nope! When he resigned I gasped. GASPED!

Now I'm rolling my eyes at people saying this is all because John Oliver spoke about it. Yeah... it just says to me that's all they've been following.

I really hope the reforms going forward are really global and not just The West calling the Global South corrupt and wagging their finger. Everybody's corrupt. Platini is no saint.
posted by kendrak at 10:59 AM on June 2, 2015


It is possible that Budweiser, Nike, Coke, etc. realized the bad publicity wasn't going to go away and threatened to turn off the money spigot unless Blatter agreed to bow to the inevitable. But it's more likely to be because of Valcke, yeah.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:03 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


And the biggest problem, of course, is the Anti-Blatter candidates are going to have little pull amongst the 200 little fry in FIFA. Wonder who's already swimming amongst them making promises of money unending?
posted by eriko at 11:04 AM on June 2, 2015


The election to replace Blatter won't be until after 6-9 months. It's hard to say what will happen if only because a lot of the power players in FIFA might be facing charges by then.
posted by Kattullus at 11:09 AM on June 2, 2015


The Valcke letter
posted by adamvasco at 11:16 AM on June 2, 2015


John Oliver tweets.
posted by Kattullus at 11:28 AM on June 2, 2015 [7 favorites]


And The Bugle tweets.
posted by Kattullus at 11:33 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


David Ginola and Prince Ali bin Hussein are apparently already contemplating standing.
posted by MattWPBS at 11:35 AM on June 2, 2015


My wild-ass speculation would be that he knew he was going to have to resign as soon as the arrests went down, but he stayed on until after the election because he knew it would take several months to have a replacement election, and that would give his cronies enough time to sweep everything under the rug before the new sheriff rolled into town. Obviously I don't have any evidence of this.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:35 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


Looking forward to all the "Blatter Evacuates" punny headlines.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:36 AM on June 2, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'm disappointed by the lack of "Sepp-uku" puns. I only saw a couple yesterday.

Ginola is the only possible contender who seems outsider enough. There needs to be some actual new blood.
posted by kendrak at 11:46 AM on June 2, 2015


Barack Obama is gonna need a new job soon...
posted by Drinky Die at 11:47 AM on June 2, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'll do it.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:52 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


Alas, black smoke indicates that we don't yet have a new FIFA pope.
posted by eriko at 11:54 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


Sepp It Ain't So
Say It Ain't Sepp
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:57 AM on June 2, 2015


OK, everybody sing:
Football season's on the way
Well you better get ready for a brand new day
Cuz Sepp is gonna leave today

CHORUS
They're singing, Go Sepp go, go Sepp go
Yeah, Sepp is gonna leave today
Go Sepp go, go Sepp go
Hey FIFA what do you say?
Oh. Sepp is gonna leave today
posted by ursus_comiter at 12:06 PM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


"Now I'm rolling my eyes at people saying this is all because John Oliver spoke about it. "

I don't know, I'm starting to be concerned he might have actual arcane powers.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:10 PM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


"Now I'm rolling my eyes at people saying this is all because John Oliver spoke about it. "

No, this is because John Oliver put Bud Light Lime on it.

That was a heavy bet he laid down for us all.
posted by eriko at 12:27 PM on June 2, 2015 [4 favorites]


From Blatter's speech

"The size of the Executive Committee must be reduced and its members should be elected through the Fifa Congress. The integrity checks for all Executive Committee members must be organised centrally through Fifa and not through the confederations. We need term limits not only for the president but for all members of the Executive Committee. I have fought for these changes before and, as everyone knows, my efforts have been blocked."

See, this is the weird bit. He's not just resigning he's turned a complete 180, reform of the exco, the end of one country one vote. Obviously you can't believe a word the man says, but his enormous ego must've taken a blow to even say those words out loud, it goes against everything he strived for in his 17 years. Which leads me to believe one of three things.

a) Someone is leaning on him hard. - Unlikely as they haven't been able to do it before.

b) The rumours of him being powerless against the rampant corruption and actually not in favour of the sleaze were actually true. - Then why not say something in the last week.

c) Reports from the arrested are coming back and they're all "no seriously, we're all going to jail. The Feds don't fuck around" and he's so terrified he's doing whatever he thinks will keep him free. - He may actually be that deluded.
posted by fullerine at 12:29 PM on June 2, 2015 [6 favorites]


He's not just resigning he's turned a complete 180, reform of the exco, the end of one country one vote.

Electing the ExCom from the Congress isn't going to fix things, indeed, it'll make sure that whatever checks and balances were left will be destroyed. The point of that, really, is to make sure UFEA can't hold back anything -- really, that was the only thing keeping Blatter from running completely wild as it was. The US was held in check by CONCACAF, because the Caribbean bations completely controlled that confederation, CONMEBOL minded its own business, and CAF, OFC and AFC were completely with Blatter. UFEA was the only thing holding Blatter back and they held a majority of the ExCom slots because they had a majority of the money coming in, mainly through the Champions League. Opening the ExCOM slots to Open Congress votes means those seats go from UFEA to AFC/OFC/CAF and UFEA is completely shut out of how FIFA is run. They exist solely to provide money to FIFA.

That, frankly, will never happen -- if it does, UFEA, or at least the nations that count in UFEA will walk, because they're already tired of this shit, and they aren't going to put up with it any more. England, France and Germany in particular are already drawing a line on Internationals -- no more days where players are leaving leagues to play for national teams. They're paying way too much money to guys and not getting to play them, and if it keeps increasing, they're going to leave FIFA and stop letting the best players in the world leave the best leagues in the world to play international games, and the international games will collapse.

We've already seen that in one competition. In the women's game, the Olympics is a major tournament, in the men's game, it's meaningless and almost nobody sends their best squads. The World Cup could easily become that if the big pro leagues decide that they're not going to let the guys they're paying millions go play, because frankly, why risk losing your guys?

So -- screw Blatter's so called reforms -- and don't believe a single word Blatter says. Remember, just five days ago, he said "why would I resign, that would just mean I was guilty?" Well, he either wasn't telling the truth then, he isn't telling the truth now, or he wasn't telling the truth at either time.
posted by eriko at 12:45 PM on June 2, 2015 [3 favorites]


I am going to assume that there is always more and it is always worse. This is not that long after the arrests, it's going to be very interesting once people start turning on one another and giving evidence.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 12:56 PM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


That, frankly, will never happen -- if it does, UFEA, or at least the nations that count in UFEA will walk, because they're already tired of this shit, and they aren't going to put up with it any more.

But France and Spain both voted for Blatter on Friday, revealing a lot of cracks in the UEFA boycott threats. Right now it really sounds like an Anglo-Germanic-Nordic bloc in UEFA pushing for change, but as I said upthread - of those nations only World Cup holders Germany actually matter within FIFA. (Everybody loves to hate The FA.)

So -- screw Blatter's so called reforms -- and don't believe a single word Blatter says. Remember, just five days ago, he said "why would I resign, that would just mean I was guilty?" Well, he either wasn't telling the truth then, he isn't telling the truth now, or he wasn't telling the truth at either time.

Too right. They might try to spin any reforms as his even though a lot of them have been proposed before and waiting for anything to happen on his watch. People are pretty dumb though, so who knows.

I'm also really uncomfortable with the UEFA+USA against the world talk. Blatter did do a lot for development of the game beyond Europe and the Americas. That's why his departure has been met with sadness by a lot of people in African football. Ghana FA boss Kwesi Nyantakyi has spoken out that African football deserves more respect, and while it's hard to ignore that it was the South African letter to Valcke that probably made Blatter resign today, we can't assume everybody involved with the sport in the continent is corrupt.

No, this is because John Oliver put Bud Light Lime on it.

OK. I should watch it when I'm done following all the FIFA stuff. I get that Oliver is great to raise visibility of stuff for people who don't have time to follow everything, but it's also a quick way for me to tune people out if that's where their knowledge about a subject begins and ends. I know I'm being humourless so I'll make a Sepp-uku joke and call it a day.

posted by kendrak at 1:07 PM on June 2, 2015


Kendrak, there's a sort of Gresham's Law in politics, too: when there's sufficient money involved, corrupt politicians drive out honest ones. I think we can presume that everyone at a senior level in FIFA was aware of vote-buying and other "inducements", and probably knew enough specifics to have a duty to report it.
posted by Joe in Australia at 1:36 PM on June 2, 2015




ABC News reports Sepptactulas is a target in the investigation. The FBI, per normal procedure, refuses to comment on an ongoing investigation, does not nod and wink.

The New York Times also reports that he is a "a focus of a federal corruption investigation" and "several United States officials, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said that in their efforts to build a case against Blatter they were hoping to win the cooperation of some of the Fifa officials now under indictment and work their way up the organization." and "That he better like butter because he's toast."

Okay, one of those quotes is not actually in the New York Times article.

Both Coca-Cola and Budweiser have chimed in saying, basically, "See ya, Sucker!" and have not mentioned John Oliver in any way, which is a mistake, I feel.
posted by eriko at 2:15 PM on June 2, 2015


I was hoping that, just like Warner's Onion gaffe, Sepp was found attempting to hire Clay Davis's lawyer, Billy Murphy, but it wouldn't be as funny because he is actually a lawyer.
posted by juiceCake at 2:24 PM on June 2, 2015


Sunil Gulati, and I want ice cream every single time I see his name, the president of the US Soccer Federation* had this to say.

"The announcement today by President Blatter represents an exceptional and immediate opportunity for positive change within Fifa. I commend him for making a decision that puts Fifa and the sport we love above all other interests. This is the first of many steps towards real and meaningful reform within Fifa. Today is an occasion for optimism and belief for everyone who shares a passion for our game."

Strong words.


* Headquartered right here in Chicago, in US Soccer House, a lovely Prairie Avenue Mansion -- 1801 S Prairie Ave, Chicago, IL 60616. Not to be Confused with Elwood Blues House, 1060 W Addison St, Chicago, IL 60613. Seriously, Prairie Avenue was where the Guilded Age Lords of Chicago built thier grand mansions, back when the South Side was the Money Side of the city, before the Gold Coast existed, and the walk along the 1800 and 1900 blocks still have 9 of the old 19th century buildings. Nice walk on a pretty day.
posted by eriko at 2:28 PM on June 2, 2015


And you know The Onion would have something on this.
posted by eriko at 2:28 PM on June 2, 2015


I wish I had the means to buy you all Bud Light Lime beerish-flavored beverages so we could all drink the champagne of unbeers and sing Ewok music together in celebration of this day.
posted by Dr. Zira at 2:47 PM on June 2, 2015 [4 favorites]


I wish I had the means to buy you all Bud Light Lime beerish-flavored beverages so we could all drink the champagne of unbeers and sing Ewok music together in celebration of this day.

I got your Yub Nub right here. You are on your own with the Bud Light Lime. Thankfully, YouTube can only do so much.
posted by eriko at 2:55 PM on June 2, 2015


I like Bud Light Lime, just send me all your bottles if you guys don't want them.
posted by Drinky Die at 3:13 PM on June 2, 2015


And it's definitely beer, you may be thinking of the malternative Beer-A-Ritas released under the Bud Light Lime name.
posted by Drinky Die at 3:14 PM on June 2, 2015


And it's definitely beer

You misspelled "dubiously."
posted by Sys Rq at 4:23 PM on June 2, 2015 [6 favorites]


kendrak: "I'm also really uncomfortable with the UEFA+USA against the world talk. Blatter did do a lot for development of the game beyond Europe and the Americas."

The one thing the IOC and FIFA have done, despite their insane corruption, is show how good international development can be for sports. So hopefully a new FIFA will be able to continue that ... but maaaaaaybe we can try to find ways to do that that aren't quite so bribery-and-slavery-involving.

Today I was pondering on Brazil's stadium problem (way too many of them -- 12 -- and way too expensive) and the similar Olympics problem, and I remembered that the IOC has fielded (and turned down) a couple of early-round bids from bi-national coalitions (Vancouver-Seattle may have been spitballing one, some years back? And San Diego/Tijuana were told they could not submit one for 2024). And I compared a map of Brazil to Mexico and the Carribbean. And I thought, what if you gave a bonus in consideration for the World Cup to a coalition where the "host" country builds 2/3 of the stadiums, but 1/3 of them are build in neighboring countries designated "co-hosts"? There are 8 groups in the early rounds; you could build 5 stadiums for that in Mexico, and put the remaining three in (say) Costa Rica, Guatemala, and Cuba, which aren't really big enough to host a whole World Cup, but could probably each use ONE World Cup-sized stadium. (Then the knock-out rounds go in the host country. Your back-up plan, if one of those countries collapses in the interim, is Miami or Houston.) It adds some logistical complexity, but not a whole lot more than is already in place for internationals (and of course FIFA got a whole special body of law passed for it in Brazil, crossing international boundaries in a single tournament is trivial!), and it helps smaller nations build football infrastructure and excitement, spreads out the bill, and builds closer international relationships. It would open the World Cup up to a lot more smaller countries and developing countries. The "host" is a strong, stable country that takes ultimate responsibility for putting on the Cup; but you bring some money and development to smaller countries as well.

I mean you'd have to de-corruptify FIFA first so that it's not just an opportunity to use the increased complexity of the deals to hide MORE bribery and money-laundering and so on, but it seems like a CLEAN FIFA could have some interesting opportunities to build football in smaller countries, and less-developed countries.

eriko: "Both Coca-Cola and Budweiser have chimed in saying, basically, "See ya, Sucker!" and have not mentioned John Oliver in any way, which is a mistake, I feel."

Budweiser has to find a way to capitalize on this, ideally by having the Clydesdales deliver John Oliver's Bud Light Lime with a polka band playing "Fanfare for the Common Man" or something like that. It should be EPIC.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:43 PM on June 2, 2015 [5 favorites]


Interpol has issued Red Notices for a number of FIFA executives (including Jack Warner, which is a bit confusing because I thought they already arrested him?)

It also seems that Blatter didn't actually resign, he just said he would "lay down his mandate maybe in December, maybe March 2016" and is still in FIFA HQ today.
This is not the first time he has said he'd resign.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 2:23 AM on June 3, 2015


The grauniad's Marine Hyde in exceedingly fine form... Fall of the Sepp Blatter dynasty: how Qatar became a frontier too far
posted by Mister Bijou at 5:10 AM on June 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


Good Morning (for those of us on this side of the planet!)

Overnight, we have...

1) South Africa, naturally, denies that they ever bribed anybody, naturally, and that giving CONCACAF and Jack Warner $10M was just how things are. Then again, what would you say?

2) Interpol has issued Red Notices, which are international notices that people are wanted by police, but not international arrest warrants, for Jack Warner, Nicolás Leoz, and four corporate marketing executives, Alejandro Burzaco (Argentina, Torneos y Competencias), Hugo and Mariano Jinkis (Argentina, Full Play Group) and José Margulies (Brazil, Company Unknown to me.)

3) The Jordanian FA says it is looking at FIFA rules because it believes that Sepp Blatter can be replaced without an election. We'll see how that goes.

4) Everybody is wondering (as Just this guy, y'know does above) just how much resigning Seppy did yesterday. I'm pretty sure that he can't back out now, but I am *not* sure that he won't try.

5) UK odds on next FIFA president (as of 1545 BST 03-Jun-2015, per SkyBet):
Prince Ali Al-Hussein: 4/5
Michel Platini: 2-1
Luis Figo: 7-1
David Gil: 12-1
Jerome Valcke: 20-1
Michael van Praag: 25-1
Senes Erizik, Ted Howard, Issa Hayato: 33 -1
Davi Ginola 50-1
6) Police have shown up at FIFA HQ, but apparently only because of a planned Palestinian protest.

7) UFEA's meeting on Friday has been postponed because everything is now confused.

8) If you want no punches pulled, here's a lovely interview with Scottish journalist Andrew Jennings who has chased this story for fifteen years. Quick quote. "I know that they are criminal scum, and I’ve known it for years."

9) Finally, I can't believe it's not Blatter addressed FIFA staff privatly today for about 10 minutes, apparently "Close to tears." No word on content.

And that's the news. Back to our regularly scheduled snark.
posted by eriko at 7:56 AM on June 3, 2015 [4 favorites]


Also, I am very annoyed that FIFA never bribed me, dammit.
posted by eriko at 7:58 AM on June 3, 2015 [3 favorites]


Hmm. The Grauniad is reporting -- don't have a clean link, it's in the live stream -- that Chuck Blazer's testimony is likely to be released today. That could be some fascinating reading, and I suspect that word of that release, along with that lovely letter from yesterday, was probably the shove in the back that Blatter needed.
posted by eriko at 8:56 AM on June 3, 2015


don't have a clean link, it's in the live stream

graunaid links in live stream are linkable at link time (left of main text)... for instance, the one I think you are referring to... 16:14

That link also leads to an extraordinary article about Chuck Blazer... from 2014 in Buzzfeed... Mister 10%
posted by Mister Bijou at 9:27 AM on June 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


Quote of the day. FIFA General Secretary Jérôme Valcke.
“I’m beyond reproach and I certainly don’t feel guilty."
Slow clap.
posted by eriko at 10:06 AM on June 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


The Jennings profile that eriko posted above is a great read. Highly recommend it.

This piece by Elliott Ross (Futbol Is a Country) on the need for a global solution is also quite good. There's also this summary about how much FIFA could change by David Goldblatt.

Also this podcast from Off The Ball yesterday was one of the best things I listened to yesterday. Tim Vickrey and Phillippe Auclair talk about implications and such. It's got Auclair's regular (and very much appreciated) frustration and exasperation with everybody, especially reforms that might get rid of the "one nation, one vote" system.
posted by kendrak at 12:28 PM on June 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


We have Blazer Testimony!

And now we know why the France FA is so buddy buddy with Blatter -- because he was a go between for bribes for the 1998 World Cup selection, which was in La Belle France.

And, of course, he says that he and others on the ExCo accepted bribes for votes on the 2010 World Cup in South America.
posted by eriko at 12:55 PM on June 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


Here's Blazer's testimony.

Based on the tweets from a lot of journalists, so many bombs are dropping. So many bribes!
posted by kendrak at 12:57 PM on June 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


Nice link, kendrak. Let me refill the soda and start reading...

HOLY COW.

"THE COURT: FIFA, and its membership or constituent organization. The charges relate to events involving an exchange of elicit payments for one purpose or another. They identify FIFA and its attendant or related constituent organization as what we call an enterprise, a RICO enterprise.:

They're dropping the RICO bomb. Holy bouncing exploding penguins on a pogo stick this just got turned up to 11.
posted by eriko at 1:07 PM on June 3, 2015


Now that the 1998 World Cup is clearly tainted, will this kill some of the Platini buzz? I hope so because people seem to be ignoring all of his shady dealings with Qatar (whom he voted for).

It would be great if they could spin the corruption back to 1966 just to see the British media meltdown. We know the final was probably fixed.

All these new allegations are obscuring my favourite World Cup conspiracy from 1958.
posted by kendrak at 1:20 PM on June 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


Here's Blazer's testimony.

Ahh, it's not actually his testimony. This is his plea and allocution -- when you plea guilty, you have you explicitly state what you're pleading guilty to. That's what this covers. Normally, this is public record, the FBI asked for this to be sealed because this plea, if public, would have blown their investigation wide open.

Things that are now clear.

The rumors of Chuck Blazer having cancer are true -- or if they're not, he's adding perjury to his charges, but there's no reason to lie to a judge about this, and reading this, this isn't the tone of voice of somebody hiding something. Towards the end, he notices that some accounts he has aren't listed on a document and calls that out, because he wants to make sure that he's not going to add a charge of hiding them to the account. Everyone agrees that the FBI and IRS are aware of the accounts and by making the accounts known in this plea, he's covered all the bases. So, well, even for you, Mr. Blazer, Fuck Cancer.

Sending the checks through JFK is why we are in this particular courtroom, and why the FBI are involved. Kids, don't run your international bribes through US airports!

Blazer is explicitly saying that he personally was involved with bribes for the 1998 World Cup in France and 2010 World Cup in South Africa, and the 1996, 1998, 2000, 2002, and 2003 Gold Cups and has pled guilty to the 1st through 3rd counts (Conspiracy to commit Money Laundering & Racketeering) based on that. Not that they have not charged him with anything related to the 2014 or later World Cups. That doesn't mean that he wasn't involved with anything there, it means they haven't bothered to charge him with it. They may do so later, if he stops cooperating.

He's also not paid taxes from 2005 to 2010 and pled guilty to that, and waived jurisdiction. (That's counts four through nine.) Count 10 is the failing to file paperwork for the overseas accounts.
posted by eriko at 1:28 PM on June 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


Yeah, my mistake (and excitement at posting the link), it's from his plea.

Another fun read are the DOJ charges against Blazer.
posted by kendrak at 1:43 PM on June 3, 2015


Yeah, my mistake (and excitement at posting the link), it's from his plea.

Don't worry, the Graun is making the same mistake, so you're in good company, and it's not like it's not lacking for juicy details.
posted by eriko at 1:49 PM on June 3, 2015


You know, reading through the charge sheet, there's about 300 things like various wire frauds and such that they could have charged Blazer with but they probably went "Eh, why bother. Just plead guilty to these three and we'll call it a day." Then the IRS went "But you're pleading to every year you didn't file, of course."
posted by eriko at 1:56 PM on June 3, 2015


That bit at the beginning when Judge Dearie makes a big song and dance about the court being sealed is pretty funny. This is my favorite:
THE C0URT: Is everybody satisfied?
Will you do me a favor and just open the door, and see if there is anybody lusting about in the hallway yearning to get in here.
And in case you're like me a big nerd going "that name Judge Dearie sounds familiar" it is indeed Raymond J. Dearie who's also serves on the FISA Court.
posted by Kattullus at 2:36 PM on June 3, 2015


Let the circular firing squad commence!
Champagne was also critical of some of those who have spoken out against the Fifa regime in recent days, including Uefa president Michel Platini: "People need to know that a lot of reforms have been blocked by Uefa … It is irony to hear Michel Platini saying, I don’t know what has been going on here."
Shocked, gambling, etc.
[South African spokesman's] line is that the $10m was a valid, approved contribution to the African diaspora in the Caribbean. Journalists ask why – if that is the case – the payment, and the development programme, was not publicised at the time. Alec Moemi, Director General of Sport and Recreation, says: “Many of you never saw our programmes as newsworthy, you never reported them.”
THAT IS A PRETTY SICK BURN, even if asses are just being covered with too little, too late.

I hope after GRRM finishes Game of Thrones, he takes on FIFA. I mean, the utter gall of having FIFA's headquarters in Paraguay given the same status as embassies, and FIFA employees given diplomatic status ... ! Will not be surprised when we discover that Blatter was busy peeling people in the basement and/or commands an army of the dead. Like, even the Lannisters would be all NOPE NOPE NOPE, neither money nor power is worth getting involved with these people. It's so incredibly shameless.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 3:34 PM on June 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


kendrak: Now that the 1998 World Cup is clearly tainted, will this kill some of the Platini buzz?

Apparently it was in connection with Morocco's bid, not France's. So Platini isn't implicated in that.
posted by Kattullus at 3:41 PM on June 3, 2015


the utter gall of having FIFA's headquarters in Paraguay given the same status as embassies, and FIFA employees given diplomatic status ..

That's COMNEBOL, not FIFA. Easy mistake since they're all mostly crooked.
posted by kendrak at 3:53 PM on June 3, 2015


And it looks like Paraguay has removed immunity from COMNEBOL HQ.
posted by kendrak at 4:06 PM on June 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


Hmm. The Grauniad, in the Liveblog Handover, has said that the FBI are "set to unseal testimony from former Fifa official Chuck Blazer" -- I thought we already had this with the plea and allocution. Maybe this is the Guardian being the Guardian, and it is a liveblog and things gets confused, or maybe we have more juicy details coming.

And it looks like Paraguay has removed immunity from COMNEBOL HQ.

Well, isn't that just ducky? Investment tip -- I'd go long on shredders right now.
posted by eriko at 4:09 PM on June 3, 2015


kendrak: "That's COMNEBOL, not FIFA. Easy mistake"

But we're still pretty sure that Blatter is staging a Red Wedding somewhere, right?
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:13 PM on June 3, 2015


Ladies and Gentlemen...if you had Venezuela in the "Next Football Association Headquarters to be raided", please come claim your prize.
posted by eriko at 7:54 PM on June 3, 2015 [3 favorites]




From that Jack Warner avalanche article:
"Not even death will stop the avalanche that is coming” he said. “The die is cast. There can be no turning back. Let the chips fall where they fall.”
Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.
posted by Bugbread at 11:17 PM on June 3, 2015 [9 favorites]


Jack Warner in 2011: Former FIFA vice-president Warner blames Zionism for downfall

So, it's not like he has a history of being sensible.
posted by Joe in Australia at 11:25 PM on June 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


Jack Warner's whole wounded dignity, woe is me act really grates on me.

That immense level of self-righteousness just makes me wonder if he genuinely believes himself to be innocent and wronged.

Still, they're all turning on each other with knives drawn so a lot of fun times ahead yet.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 2:32 AM on June 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


At the end they will open the doors to the board room and they will find just one FIFA official there, squatting naked in the middle of the table: monstrously fat and surrounded by the bones of all the others.
posted by Joe in Australia at 2:43 AM on June 4, 2015 [9 favorites]


Cannot Favourite enough!
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 2:50 AM on June 4, 2015


José Margulies!
José Dohaeris!
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 2:53 AM on June 4, 2015


Aussie Aussie Aussie!

---
Australia could host the World Cup “tomorrow”, according to a state sports minister – but it would settle for hosting the 2022 tournament, which it originally bid for, should Qatar be stripped of the job. Victoria’s sports minister, John Eren, said Melbourne was ready to step up:
We are certainly ready. Forget about seven years’ preparation, we could host the World Cup here tomorrow.

All we need to do is dig up the [AFL] goal posts and we’re ready to go. We’ve already paid our dues, we’ve already put in a bid.

All we’re saying is, now it’s a level playing field.
---

Oi! Oi! Oi!

(Well, it's a level playing field because you've pulled up the goal posts, amirite?)
posted by eriko at 4:21 AM on June 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


In Obvious thing is Obvious: England ready to host 2022 World Cup.

Really?

England could host the 2015 Women's World Cup -- which starts Friday.
posted by eriko at 4:35 AM on June 4, 2015


And apparently the South African Government no longer is buying the South African FA's insistence that the $10M payment to Jack Warner wasn't a bribe, and have opened a preliminary investigation.
posted by eriko at 4:44 AM on June 4, 2015


Oopsie:
Police investigate Australia's $500,000 donation during failed World Cup bid
Australia’s federal police have made inquiries to the Department of Health and Sport regarding payments linked to the country’s 2022 Fifa World Cup bid, as they determine whether Australian laws against international corruption have been breached.

The department provides funding to Football Federation Australia (FFA), which made a $500,000 donation to the Confederation of North, Central America and Caribbean Association Football (Concacaf), for a stadium redevelopment during the bidding process for the tournament.

That money was allegedly pocketed by former Concacaf president, Jack Warner [...]
Mind you, $500,000 is practically nothing in the scheme of things, it can hardly be considered a serious bribe, more a social nicety.
posted by Joe in Australia at 4:53 AM on June 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


The wonderful Marina Hyde has already been linked but it is worth bringing attention to this zinger from last November.
posted by adamvasco at 5:59 AM on June 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


Okay, I'm linking this becuase Chuck Blazer's name just got trumped hard.
posted by eriko at 6:06 AM on June 4, 2015


Paraguay where corruption is practically the national number one industry is considering a bill that would remove the diplomatic immunity currently enjoyed by the governing body of South America's soccer association. Yes you read that right; the national football association presently has diplomatic immunity. WTF.
Meanwhile FIFA thief Nicholas Leoz is now under house arrest.
posted by adamvasco at 6:09 AM on June 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


I think the general commentary that England need to STFU about how they could host the WC is right. It does look like sour grapes a bit and it does play into Blatter's narrative.

It's obvious that any nation with multiple 50K seat stadiums large enough to hold a soccer pitch could hold it. Indeed, to me one of the scams has been nations building stadiums that are then never used again because there's no market for them, and if FIFA wants real reform, they would put a rule in that a nation could only build one stadium and refurb two (where such would add no more than 10K seats) and if that's not enough, then sorry, you need to natively grow your sporting infrastructure enough before you host.

It doesn't even have to be soccer. Australia has it via Cricket and Aussie Rules Football, the U.S. has the facilities via Gridiron Football. But this "we'll build seven giant stadiums" isn't developing the sport, it's a giant source of graft and a huge harm to the people of the country that do not need such huge stadiums.

And, yes, this would eliminate many smaller countries from hosting. As it should, because they cannot afford to host the thing, and saddling them with the costs is wrong -- doubly so when the profits get shoved into the hands of the select few as well.
posted by eriko at 6:18 AM on June 4, 2015 [12 favorites]


"a nation could only build one stadium and refurb two (where such would add no more than 10K seats) and if that's not enough, then sorry, you need to natively grow your sporting infrastructure enough before you host. "


This is the best rule change and the best justification.
You are entirely right that if your country cares enough about Football then you should have the facilities already.

A similar rule should also apply for the Olympics. I read somewhere that the original UK olympic bid was to use existing facilities, but the IOC noped them right out of there and it ended up in building the usual massive white elephant, which will almost inevitably be left rot.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 6:42 AM on June 4, 2015


Yep, Engerland need to step back a bit.

Who can forget the saga of the £230 Mulberry handbags given to the wives of Fifa executive-committee members in 2009 as part of the process of London bidding for the 2018 World Cup.

And the saintly Jack Warner's consequent outrage: ""Had [my wife] or I known then that the acceptance of what we all felt was a kind gesture would have resulted in the tainting of her character and mine together with the untold embarrassment to which we are still being subjected, none of us would have attended the dinner, nor would she have accepted what we thought was a gift in honour of her birthday." He added: "I have faced and continue to face all kinds of indignities from all manner of persons, but when these insults touch my wife, it represents an all time low."

[edit: source... grauniad]
posted by Mister Bijou at 6:42 AM on June 4, 2015


Dear Attorney General Lynch.

Do the IOC next. Or F1. Your choice.

Love, Humanity.
posted by eriko at 6:45 AM on June 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


Oh, I would so love to see the IOC go down. I think everyone's head around me would completely explode. There's like absolutely zero awareness of IOC corruption here in Japan.
posted by Bugbread at 7:15 AM on June 4, 2015


And the saintly Jack Warner's consequent outrage [...]

It was a little cocker spaniel dog in a crate that he'd sent all the way from Texas. Black and white spotted. And our little girl—Tricia, the 6-year-old—named it Checkers. And you know, the kids, like all kids, love the dog and I just want to say this right now, that regardless of what they say about it, we're gonna keep it.
posted by Chrysostom at 7:22 AM on June 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


eriko: "Dear Attorney General Lynch.
Do the IOC next. Or F1. Your choice.
"

Sadly, now that she's Attorney General, we'll have to wait for the next Young Federal Prosecutor With Big Dreams to decide on a major international corruption bust. But I'm sure the IOC executives are all peeing down their legs in fear.

(I know F1 is insanely wasteful but I thought that was mostly European countries and private funding and just stupid spending ... is it the same level of widespread corruption?)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:24 AM on June 4, 2015


eriko: Okay, I'm linking this becuase Chuck Blazer's name just got trumped hard.

The moment I read that I knew that had to be about Tokyo Sexwale.
posted by Kattullus at 7:30 AM on June 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


Currently one bookmaker is offering 2022 World Cup location odds. Must admit, as a value bet Australia at 14/1 is tempting.

I don't think the USA will get it - that will smack a bit too much of "We arrested all these people to host the cup". Though 2026, and a World Cup Final on July 4th (the 250th anniversary of the Western Colonies deciding to go it alone for a while) could be a persuasive case.

England have no chance of hosting it. No-one likes them/us, for multiple reasons.
posted by Wordshore at 7:36 AM on June 4, 2015


Currently one bookmaker is offering 2022 World Cup location odds. Must admit, as a value bet Australia at 14/1 is tempting.

I'd put a few bucks on Mexico at 25/1 -- I don't think any Mexicans were in the list of indictments, they obviously have enough sites to host it, they've done two already but not since 1986, they haven't been making much noise so far...

But yeah, the U.S. is a sucker bet at any odds under about 12/1.
posted by Etrigan at 7:44 AM on June 4, 2015


Bankrolled by Fifa, the film United Passions, two hours of self-congratulation, starring Gerard Depardieu (Jules Rimet), Sam Neill (Joao Havelange) and Tim Roth (Sepp Blatter)
posted by Mister Bijou at 8:43 AM on June 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


I was just about to post that. The quote "Even without the current headlines, United Passions is a disgrace. It’s less a movie than preposterous self-hagiography, more appropriate for Scientology or the Rev Sun Myung Moon. As cinema it is excrement. As proof of corporate insanity it is a valuable case study" nearly killed me.
posted by ob at 8:57 AM on June 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


OMG just watched the Jack Warner video and I was somewhat primed for him to pull out a gun and kill himself at the end. That's some heavy shit.
posted by Theta States at 9:34 AM on June 4, 2015


I love the dry tone - you can almost see the arched eyebrow here:
It was not clear why FIFA would want to intervene in the country’s electoral process, and Mr. Warner did not immediately provide any evidence in the television address on Wednesday to support his claims.
posted by RedOrGreen at 9:57 AM on June 4, 2015


In further what-the-hell-now news, apparently FIFA gave the Football Association of Ireland five million dollars following Thierry Henry's handball goal. The only dispute is whether this was compensation money or a development loan that FIFA wrote off. Either way, the FAI had to sign non-disclosure agreements about it, which seems like a weird thing if it was above board. So it probably wasn't.
posted by Kattullus at 1:54 PM on June 4, 2015


The Daily Star is calling that payment the "Hand of Wad"
posted by eriko at 2:50 PM on June 4, 2015 [7 favorites]


I have heard from reliable sources that Cananda bribed FIFA for the Women's World Cup. They sent Blatter a box of Timbits and two large double doubles.
posted by eriko at 3:37 PM on June 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


eriko: "Cananda bribed FIFA for the Women's World Cup."

Maybe if they'd used actual money they could have played on grass instead of turf.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:13 PM on June 4, 2015 [7 favorites]


Or if they'd thrown in some poutine.
posted by eriko at 5:52 PM on June 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


HURF TURF POUTINE EATERS
posted by Joe in Australia at 6:06 PM on June 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


HURF TURF POUTINE EATERS

I found myself at a Junior A hockey game in Northern Quebec a few years back, a small town a good five hundred miles from the nearest English speaking burgh. They had poutine at the fast food stand, right next to the burgers and hot dogs. It Was Exceptional. One of the best things I've ever tasted and I've never been able to find anything close outside of Quebec. Nothing hurf durf about it.
posted by philip-random at 12:00 AM on June 5, 2015


More good stuff from the grauniad's Owen Gibson: Fifa’s €5m hush money to FAI cuts to the heart of its crisis
posted by Mister Bijou at 3:24 AM on June 5, 2015


In some ways, I think the Ireland hush money may be a real killer for Blatter. How many nations have gotten screwed on a bad call that didn't get five million dollars or euros from FIFA for getting screwed over by a bad call?

And, from the overnight...

Raymond Domenech, the manager of the French National Team at the time. "If I was an Irish player and I had known that, I would have revolted against my directors." And, folks, this is the French Manager. The French are *serious* about revolutions. "On a sporting level, it’s disgraceful, unacceptable that you might sacrifice that for money.”

There have been questions over where the payment features in the FAI’s accounts. Of course, let's be honest, the fact that the accounting details of this aren't clear are not exactly the most shameful part of the whole deal, but hey.

Fifa has refused to say whether Sepp Blatter or Jérôme Valcke will attend the women’s World Cup in Canada. Apparently, their lawyers haven't figured out yet the full details of the extradition treaties between Canada and the US, and guys, protip -- look up the North American Air Defense Agreement.

His Blatterness will not attend the IOC meeting next month. Too soon?

Oh, that payment to Ireland's FA? Nobody is quite sure if it was $5M US or €5M. Yes, FIFA is so screwed up they can't even remember what they bribed with.

In Actual Soccer-Football, we have.....

1) The Women's World Cup: Saturday, we have Group A: Canada, the hosts, Vs China at 1600 MDT, and New Zealand vs the Netherlands at 1900 MDT. Sunday, we have Group B Norway vs. Thailand at 1300 MDT, and Germany vs. the Ivory Coast at 1600 MDT. Many, many more games to follow.

2) THEEEE CHAMMMMPPIOOOOOOONNNNSSS!!!! The 2015 UFEA Champions League Final happens Saturday at 2045 CEST, where Juventus faces off against Barcelona. For those not aware, this is a club competition, where league champions and leaders from across Europe compete in a year long competition. It has all come down to this game. The Champions League is a big deal, both in terms of reputation (many teams consider this trophy as important as their league trophy) but in cash -- the trigger of the Leeds United financial collapse was coming in 5th one year, thus missing the Champions League and the massive amount of money that follows.

CEST works out to UTC+2, MDT is UTC -6, so we subtract 8 hours to convert CEST to MDT and the Champions League Final will happen at 1245 MDT, and now you know why the opening match of the Women's World Cup is there, and you get THREE matches in a row. THREE. One hardly needs baseball that day at ALL.
posted by eriko at 6:17 AM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


Update: It was apparently €5 million, which at the time, was about $7.1 million USD. So, Ireland did well there.

And, soccerwise, I missed a couple of friendlies this weekend. And, look, I missed them again!
posted by eriko at 6:48 AM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


Of course, let's be honest, the fact that the accounting details of this aren't clear are not exactly the most shameful part of the whole deal, but hey.

No, but it does indicate to me just how fucking shady it is - if the deal was something legit, there would be some actual clear accounting details. Or, they could have given two fucks and actually given it some paper fig leaves so it might appear that there might be some legitimacy there. But I guess they had gotten away with everything for so long that they didn't even bother to try.
posted by nubs at 8:13 AM on June 5, 2015


This seems pretty vague for now but the fact that it seems plausible speaks volume:

Did Germany Send RPGs to Saudi Arabia In Order to Win the World Cup?
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:55 PM on June 5, 2015 [2 favorites]


Well, the news has gone quite with the weekend coming on, and while FIFA would *love* to bury some things with a late Friday release, the FBI has no reason to do so and didn't drop any 5PM hide-bombs.
posted by eriko at 6:17 AM on June 6, 2015


Oh, I should note that England's FA chairman, the controversial* Greg Dyke has basically flat out ruled out England hosting either 2018 or 2022. The Guardian has an article and a rather colorful** interview with him here.

* This is what we call British Understatement.
** Ditto.
posted by eriko at 7:19 AM on June 6, 2015


Dear Attorney General Lynch.

Do the IOC next. Or F1. Your choice.

Love, Humanity.
Bernie is next level, I doubt even the Feds could get him. This is after all the man who paid a German court to stay out of prison for bribery!
posted by fullerine at 3:14 AM on June 8, 2015 [4 favorites]


Well, well, well.

Morroco won 2010 World Cup, after much bribery, but the South Africa bribed more and then suddenly, South Africa won.

So it turns out FIFA fails the Honest Politician test, they don't even stay bribed.
posted by eriko at 5:38 AM on June 8, 2015 [4 favorites]


You reach a point where you think "It can't have been about the money any more. They must have just really enjoyed being bribed."
posted by Joe in Australia at 5:51 AM on June 8, 2015 [5 favorites]


Oh, and unlike FIFA, John Oliver Keeps His Promise, and even calls it delicious.
posted by eriko at 6:06 AM on June 8, 2015


OKay, but wasn't oliver saying If those sponsors stopped supporting FIFA he would drink/eat their stuff? Not if Blatter leaves (which, again, has he actually left?)
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 6:21 AM on June 8, 2015


Just this guy: He acknowledges both of those points straight before feasting and drinking.
posted by mmascolino at 12:58 PM on June 8, 2015 [2 favorites]


Ah ok, thanks. I'll watch it after Game of Thrones :)
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 1:29 PM on June 8, 2015


Maybe Blatter has a cousin living in Phoenix?

FIFA Movie 'United Passions' Bombs in U.S.
Writer-director Frederic Auburtin's film beyond bombed in its limited debut in 10 theaters, earning a measly $607 on Friday and Saturday, according to those with access to Rentrak figures. The FilmBar theater in downtown Phoenix reported a gross of just $9, meaning only one person bought a ticket to see United Passions, which details the history of the now-embattled FIFA.
[...]
The movie's budget is estimated at between $25 million to $32 million, with FIFA said to have put up about three-quarters of the money.
posted by Joe in Australia at 7:31 PM on June 8, 2015


Someone must have lost a bet.
posted by eriko at 7:49 PM on June 8, 2015 [1 favorite]


United Passions needs to become a midnight audience-heckled screening post haste. Like can we just have it re-released in 2 weeks with a Rifftrax attached?
posted by Theta States at 8:04 PM on June 8, 2015 [1 favorite]


You know, FIFA could just bribe us all into going to see it.
posted by eriko at 8:30 PM on June 8, 2015


hahahaha you have a funny idea about the direction money flows
posted by Joe in Australia at 10:31 PM on June 8, 2015


It was worth a shot, I mean, as competent as FIFA seemed to be, it might have worked.
posted by eriko at 7:18 AM on June 9, 2015 [2 favorites]


They bribe us to go to the venue, then we funnel ticket sales and popcorn money back to them. That's basically how the World Cup works, right?
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 7:25 AM on June 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


There's some business with kicking a ball around, but it seems pretty incidental to all of the money stuff.
posted by Chrysostom at 8:26 AM on June 9, 2015


Chrysostom: " it seems pretty incidental to all of the money stuff."

"How’d it go at soccer? I said & he said we worked on fundamentals & I said like why you were even chasing around after a ball in the first place? & from the way he looked at me I figured out that was probably too fundamental."
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:03 AM on June 9, 2015 [2 favorites]


Well, in case you didn't think Jack Warner was enough of a shitheel.
posted by eriko at 1:24 PM on June 9, 2015


If this is proved Warner needs stringing up by his nuts.
In papers drawn up by US investigators and seen by the BBC, Warner is accused of diverting US$750,000 in emergency funds donated by Fifa and the Korean Football Association intended for victims of the 2010 Haiti earthquake.
posted by adamvasco at 1:24 PM on June 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


Maybe we can use Warner for breaking ties. Instead of penalty kicks, we kick him....
posted by eriko at 1:28 PM on June 9, 2015


eriko: "Well, in case you didn't think Jack Warner was enough of a shitheel."

You've got to love an author who can get wit into the driest house style:
Jack Warner, former FIFA vice president most recently known for using a headline from The Onion to defend the embattled organization and himself from corruption charges, took a giant hit to his credibility Tuesday.
That's just a beautifully crafted sentence.
posted by Bugbread at 4:28 PM on June 9, 2015 [9 favorites]




The Guardian's Marina Hyde on FIFA conspiracy theories. Excerpt:
God knows the homemade Fifa investigation board now dominates two walls of my bedroom, and is beginning to look like one of those LSD spiderwebs, what with all the lines of yarn linking pictures of ExCo members with ones of Princess Di and the Twin Towers and whatnot. I’m particularly proud of my work proving Sepp Blatter is the direct descendant of Jesus and his wife Mary Magdalene. Eat my dust, Robert Langdon – this ends HERE.
Full article.
posted by Kattullus at 6:07 AM on June 10, 2015


FIFA postpones World Cup 2026 Bidding

I guess it is sort of hard to go through the process when many of the people evaluating and voting are going to jail.
posted by eriko at 9:57 AM on June 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


John Oliver. The Mittens Of Disapproval Are On.

This is a paid political advertisment.
posted by eriko at 10:00 AM on June 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


Showing his Blatterness how it is done, FIFA communications head Walter De Gregorio resigns with immediate effect.

See? "With Immediate Effect." It's not hard.
posted by eriko at 6:16 AM on June 11, 2015


I actually don't blame Blatter for waiting for an election. They need some time to determine who will not be indicted before they can select good long term candidates.
posted by Drinky Die at 6:18 AM on June 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh...that's why he resigned. He made a little joke.

Sepp Blatter, he, and the Secretary General are sitting in a car. Who's driving?

The police.

Nice job there. Mr. Communications Head. Good joke, though.
posted by eriko at 6:39 AM on June 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


FIFA postpones World Cup 2026 Bidding

Has the bidding always started 11 years ahead of time? Jeez, that's... early.
posted by psoas at 10:04 AM on June 11, 2015


Well, you need time to figure out everyone's price, and what kind of hookers and blow they want when they come for a tour.
posted by nubs at 10:07 AM on June 11, 2015


Has the bidding always started 11 years ahead of time? Jeez, that's... early.

It used to be about 9 years, and then they did the 2018 and 2024 Cups at the same time, which threw it all out of whack.
posted by Etrigan at 12:05 PM on June 11, 2015


Ho ho ho!

Christmas may be coming!

Chuck Plea Bargain Agreement to be unsealed Monday.

Grinch Warning: The reason for Monday is the order was stayed until then to give the prosecution time to appeal the order. So, we may not get the goods.

Also, for some reason, Interpol has suspended its 10 year, €20M agreement with FIFA. The €20M was paid by FIFA to Interpol to support ongoing match fixing investigations, but Interpol has decided that, well, since they're not exactly sure where that money came from, best to put things on hold for now.
posted by eriko at 7:37 AM on June 12, 2015


> Has the bidding always started 11 years ahead of time? Jeez, that's... early.

They have to pad the advance by at least two years for the baksheesh negotiations on behalf of all those unnecessary stadiums that have to be built. Shit, it's amazing that they can get all this done with a mere 11 years' advance.
posted by ardgedee at 1:21 PM on June 13, 2015


Mod note: A few comments deleted. Sorry, nixed a link to a tangentially related article but this shouldn't become an I/P thread.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 6:49 PM on June 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Blatter is reconsidering his resignation.

(Cue relentless Jimming / Martin Freeman-esque look to camera)
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 6:53 AM on June 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


Swiss Attorney General to make statement on World Cup bids.

"Michael Lauber is expected to detail the scope of the investigation as well as the time-scale and resources that will be used in the “criminal proceedings”."

Nice of him to give us enough warning. I'm running low on popcorn.
posted by eriko at 8:28 AM on June 15, 2015


Sepp Blatter stands by promise to resign as president, says FIFA

Hmm. On one hand, nice support you have there, Blatter. On the other hand, I trust FIFA on this? On the gripping hand, see that last post and the phrase "criminal proceeding."

Sepp Blatter may have just been giving an extra shove in the back to make sure he stays pushed off that cliff.
posted by eriko at 8:30 AM on June 15, 2015


We're also supposed to see more court documents today, barring the prosecutions successfully overturning any release order. So, keep an eye out, could be an entertaining day!
posted by eriko at 8:31 AM on June 15, 2015


Swiss investigating 53 cases of possible money laundering at FIFA

53. Because FIFA doesn't do anything half assed when it comes to money, do they?
posted by eriko at 6:34 AM on June 17, 2015


Ooh, this little nugget was at the end.

"Elsewhere, the Asian Football Confederation’s general secretary, Alex Soosay, has tendered his resignation with immediate effect. Soosay was suspended last month amid allegations that he ordered a cover-up during an investigation into the organization in 2012."

I think that deserves a little music.
posted by eriko at 6:36 AM on June 17, 2015


Swiss bank Julius Baer says has launched internal FIFA investigation.
Here are some of the other Banks involved.
posted by adamvasco at 10:12 AM on June 17, 2015


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