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June 5, 2015 8:10 AM   Subscribe

Here's literally every single thing that goes into one night of running a Russian restaurant in Portland, Oregon: One Night at Kachka
posted by zarq (54 comments total) 24 users marked this as a favorite
 
Kachka opened in 2014, serving "refined Russian fare." This past February, GQ's Alan Richman named them one of the 25 Most Outstanding Restaurants of 2015 in the country. Yelp.
posted by zarq at 8:16 AM on June 5, 2015


oh man, I grew up with the Russian Restaurant Experience -- I suspect at some point between the ages of six and eighteen I'd gone to every single one in Brooklyn -- and this appears to be a super upscale/gourmand-y version of it (you can tell by its lack of a low-rent Vegas-style floor show) and also amazing.

Also "Herring Under a Fur Coat" sounds a lot better in Russian, just trust me on this.
posted by griphus at 8:20 AM on June 5, 2015 [4 favorites]


6:30pm Every single thing on Kachka's menu

I would like all of this please. drool
posted by Kabanos at 8:21 AM on June 5, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh, that herring looks cool.
posted by zarq at 8:22 AM on June 5, 2015


TOTAL REVENUE: $4838.50
TOTAL COSTS: $4114.91


Yikes, the restaurant industry is tough! But $309+ for comps and mistakes? Is that typical?
posted by Kabanos at 8:24 AM on June 5, 2015


That was crazy interesting! Thanks!
posted by Kitteh at 8:27 AM on June 5, 2015


But $309+ for comps and mistakes? Is that typical?

In my experience... yes. Though I've mostly worked in new-ish restaurants where the tab is even higher.

This restaurant looks delightful-- I was in Portland a few months ago and I'm kicking myself for not going here.
posted by easter queen at 8:29 AM on June 5, 2015



TOTAL REVENUE: $4838.50
TOTAL COSTS: $4114.91

Yikes, the restaurant industry is tough! But $309+ for comps and mistakes? Is that typical?


This needs clarification.

Is this where they are hiding revenue from the profit sharing investors?
posted by Keith Talent at 8:37 AM on June 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


Fuck, now I want dumplings.
posted by I-baLL at 8:44 AM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


Agreed
posted by The Whelk at 8:48 AM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


This Calls for a Dumpling Meetup
posted by zarq at 8:49 AM on June 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


Glechik in Brighton is great.
posted by griphus at 8:56 AM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


That was great, and I definitely want to go there the next time we're in Portland.

My favorite table at one of our favorite restaurants is in the mezzanine right above the kitchen and the expediting station. It's like watching a ballet that smells really, really good.
posted by rtha at 8:57 AM on June 5, 2015


Glechik in Brighton is great.

Don't you flaunt your dumpling access unless you are going to bring enough to share!
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:59 AM on June 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


Also I've just been informed that there's a hipster-y Russian restaurant in Bushwick called Masha and the Bear (likely named after this.)
posted by griphus at 8:59 AM on June 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


And there's always Back to USSR which is apparently adored by scores of my friends' former-Soviet parents.
posted by griphus at 9:04 AM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


This was amazing. I especially loved the video/audio component - usually that kind of thing comes off as a little precious, but I thought it worked great here.

And oh, man, any NY mefites up for a Brighton run, I would be super down.
posted by Itaxpica at 9:07 AM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


That herring salad. Here is a another kind of like it Sildsalat.

I await the Great Herring Revival with baited breath.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 9:51 AM on June 5, 2015


Where do staff salaries go in the cost write up? Does that $700 profit have to cover those as well?
posted by maryr at 9:51 AM on June 5, 2015



And there's always Back to USSR which is apparently adored by scores of my friends' former-Soviet parents.


the menu is 4 pages of alcohol before they even mention that there's food
posted by poffin boffin at 9:51 AM on June 5, 2015 [15 favorites]


That's how you know it's good
posted by The Whelk at 9:53 AM on June 5, 2015 [10 favorites]


anyway we should go there and die in a vat of stroganoff
posted by poffin boffin at 9:54 AM on June 5, 2015 [10 favorites]


Does that $700 profit have to cover those as well?

That would be an odd accounting of profit, wouldn't it?
posted by kenko at 10:01 AM on June 5, 2015 [6 favorites]


what is "chicken gizzard stew jewish style"

do i have to eat it within the pale of settlement
posted by poffin boffin at 10:02 AM on June 5, 2015 [4 favorites]


A 'Best Restaurant' designation references quality of service and quality of food. It makes no claims on profitability and margin - otherwise we'd all be going Pffft McDonalds!

Ever wonder why that great restaurant down the street closed? Because that $4838.50 night slowly migrated to a $2731.01 night and the costs stayed the same. People found the next cool restaurant or cuisine. If and when Herring goes on the out and marmite comes to the forefront - well... Kitschy Internet blogs that translate to external page views but don't translate to actual dollars are paired down. Restaurants are cuttthroat. If they aren't talking about firebombing the food truck that parks a half a block down the street within the next few months... Well then they aren't driving enough foot traffic into the area.
posted by Nanukthedog at 10:09 AM on June 5, 2015 [2 favorites]


Anything involving food that's not actually a money laundering scheme is going to be a money pit and this is why I've never met a sane, functioning resteraunt owner.
posted by The Whelk at 10:11 AM on June 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


Joseph: I’m drunk!

this isn't hilarious unless you are looking at the photo, and then it becomes the most delightful thing you have seen all day.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:16 AM on June 5, 2015 [7 favorites]


poffin boffin: what is "chicken gizzard stew jewish style"

Stewed in broth. Ashkenazi delicacy. I have a copy of Please to the Table at home. Would be willing to transcribe and post a recipe (assuming they have one) in the thread this weekend, if anyone's interested.
posted by zarq at 10:40 AM on June 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


I KNOW i just can't resist terrible pogrom jokes
posted by poffin boffin at 10:41 AM on June 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


To the gulag with you!


EDIT: /shakes iron fist
posted by I-baLL at 10:43 AM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


LOL
posted by zarq at 10:46 AM on June 5, 2015


There's a place in my neighborhood that I want to try but I find the name kind of off-putting: Hammer And Sickle. Am I being oversensitive? It's supposed to be pretty good and I could eat dumplings forever.
posted by padraigin at 11:11 AM on June 5, 2015


anyway we should go there and die in a vat of stroganoff

Q: What do you call a masturbating cow?

A: Beef Stroganoff
posted by Juliet Banana at 11:19 AM on June 5, 2015 [10 favorites]


Am I being oversensitive?

Speaking as a Soviet refugee, my distaste for it would depend on who owns it, mostly. Personally, I can't stand Communist Kitsch type stuff, but a lot of former Soviets have appropriated the imagery to, in very non-Communist fashion, make themselves a profit on symbols of their repression and I am 100% in support of that.

The place you linked seems to be using a Faux-Cyrillic in its branding which has always been my personal acid test for not patronizing a place but at least some of the food seems authentic enough (but def. not the majority).

If it's the only place around you that serves that kind of food, better that you get a chance to try it and enjoy it than take a stand against the way they sell it, IMO. But if there's somewhere that's not, like, making fun of the Russian language on their signage and Russian/English speech patterns on their advertising material, I'd go there instead.
posted by griphus at 11:24 AM on June 5, 2015 [9 favorites]


Am I being oversensitive?

Love this ad.
posted by zarq at 11:25 AM on June 5, 2015


Also in re: former Soviets making profit on Soviet imagery, there's a generational divide among former Soviets as to the appropriateness of it. My parents' generation is pretty cool with it, my grandparents' generation however are very decidedly not.
posted by griphus at 11:26 AM on June 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


Would be willing to transcribe and post a recipe (assuming they have one) in the thread this weekend, if anyone's interested.

Yep!
posted by kenko at 11:29 AM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


OK, will do!
posted by zarq at 11:33 AM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


There's a less cheeseball place over in St. Paul that's fantastic, but this place is a short walk away, so I guess I'll just wait for an intense blini craving to hit.
posted by padraigin at 11:40 AM on June 5, 2015


Where do staff salaries go in the cost write up?

Of the $4,114.91 in costs, only $1,750.19 is itemized. I assume salaries are part of the non-itemized $2,364.72. (Also rent, utilities, advertising, that broken glass, etc.)
posted by Shmuel510 at 11:42 AM on June 5, 2015


Stewed in broth. Ashkenazi delicacy. I have a copy of Please to the Table at home. Would be willing to transcribe and post a recipe (assuming they have one) in the thread this weekend, if anyone's interested.

Yes please.
posted by nebulawindphone at 12:04 PM on June 5, 2015


If you scroll further you'll see the overhead enumerated.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 12:11 PM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


Now, I have a craving for herring..
posted by mumimor at 12:32 PM on June 5, 2015


DO get the horseradish infused vodka. Don't get the Herring Under Fur Coat, which looks so beautiful, unless you really like that fishy fish fish flavor. Probably the handsomest waitstaff I've ever seen.
posted by Auden at 12:45 PM on June 5, 2015 [2 favorites]


If you scroll further you'll see the overhead enumerated.

Ah, good point. So that brings us to $2,185.76 not itemized.
posted by Shmuel510 at 12:47 PM on June 5, 2015


I always skipped this place and just hit up RoboTaco around the corner.
posted by gucci mane at 1:07 PM on June 5, 2015


as a a refugee from the uprising of the machines and global supremacy of Skynet my opinion on humans operating robot-themed taco stands is that
posted by griphus at 1:49 PM on June 5, 2015 [10 favorites]


I have eaten and vodka-ed here, and can attest that all the things are tasty good.
posted by asfuller at 2:54 PM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


There's a less cheeseball place over in St. Paul that's fantastic, but this place is a short walk away, so I guess I'll just wait for an intense blini craving to hit.

What is it called?
posted by neonrev at 6:11 PM on June 5, 2015


Moscow On The Hill. Highly recommend.
posted by padraigin at 6:17 PM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


I've been there twice and found it immensely enjoyable. On the second visit, I noticed that everyone in the kitchen seemed to be women. Delightful!

Herring in a Fur Coat (IMO) is best ordered with a table of four so everyone can have a small wedge and go, "hey, that's something." Then order all the dumplings!!
posted by amanda at 7:55 PM on June 5, 2015


Moscow on the Hill has ambience whereas The Russian Teahouse on University has style and erratic hours. A very humble style. Small business with a certain quirkiness. Unless you are willing to wait for various local Russian churches' holiday dinners, this place hits the spot, particularly the cabbage rolls.
posted by jadepearl at 9:38 PM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


I find the name kind of off-putting: Hammer And Sickle. Am I being oversensitive?

No, it's perfectly reasonable to be offput that they didn't go with the pun "Hammer and Pickle."
posted by pwnguin at 12:39 PM on June 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


There are no recipes in my Russian cookbook for gizzards. :(
posted by zarq at 12:39 PM on June 7, 2015


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