How To Make Grill Cookies
June 19, 2015 7:53 PM Subscribe
This is great! I can only think of two ways it could be better:
1) Royal icing is gross but marzipan is delicious.
2) Would it kill them to have the same spacing for the grill lines and the actual grill?
posted by aubilenon at 8:10 PM on June 19, 2015 [13 favorites]
1) Royal icing is gross but marzipan is delicious.
2) Would it kill them to have the same spacing for the grill lines and the actual grill?
posted by aubilenon at 8:10 PM on June 19, 2015 [13 favorites]
Repeat 36 times.
Quietly weep as no one eats your cookies because they look so awesome.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:10 PM on June 19, 2015 [12 favorites]
Quietly weep as no one eats your cookies because they look so awesome.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:10 PM on June 19, 2015 [12 favorites]
These are absurd and adorable and also a great way to break your teeth.
posted by phunniemee at 8:10 PM on June 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 8:10 PM on June 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
well that looks easy
posted by Conrad-Casserole at 8:12 PM on June 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by Conrad-Casserole at 8:12 PM on June 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
(I totally expected this to be a video about making cookies on a grill instead of in an oven, which is something I would like roughly the same amount as this)
posted by aubilenon at 8:15 PM on June 19, 2015 [62 favorites]
posted by aubilenon at 8:15 PM on June 19, 2015 [62 favorites]
Watching this video was an extraordinary and transformative experience.
I transformed from someone who was pissed off that these were not cookies that I make on the grill to someone who was increasingly amazed by how beautiful the cookie icing was. The amazement slowly gave way to anger that a person was icing a cookie over the course of more than a day, and how the hell was I supposed to be able to afford such a cookie? So much labor! By the time we got to the cheese squares being filled out with the scribe tool on top of the just-texturized burgers, I just wanted to hire this person to do all of my insect dissections for me.
I would say that I've never had so many feelings over a cookie before, but you and I both know that I would be lying.
posted by Made of Star Stuff at 8:17 PM on June 19, 2015 [55 favorites]
I transformed from someone who was pissed off that these were not cookies that I make on the grill to someone who was increasingly amazed by how beautiful the cookie icing was. The amazement slowly gave way to anger that a person was icing a cookie over the course of more than a day, and how the hell was I supposed to be able to afford such a cookie? So much labor! By the time we got to the cheese squares being filled out with the scribe tool on top of the just-texturized burgers, I just wanted to hire this person to do all of my insect dissections for me.
I would say that I've never had so many feelings over a cookie before, but you and I both know that I would be lying.
posted by Made of Star Stuff at 8:17 PM on June 19, 2015 [55 favorites]
Okay this is pretty absurd to actually do for a cookout just randomly, but it has brought to my attention that edible ink pens are a thing that exist and now I have to get some and doodle all over my food.
posted by Mizu at 8:18 PM on June 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Mizu at 8:18 PM on June 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
But the cheese on top of the burger that they just spent unbearable moments texturizing... If someone were doing that in front of me I would have to go sit on my hands out of sight of the kitchen.
posted by Mizu at 8:23 PM on June 19, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by Mizu at 8:23 PM on June 19, 2015 [12 favorites]
The cookie's getting lost under all this. I only care about the cookie. I'd like a warm chocolate chip cookie, thanks. No, no icing, just a cookie; I'm good.
posted by parki at 8:26 PM on June 19, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by parki at 8:26 PM on June 19, 2015 [8 favorites]
But the burgers with the cheese squares on them have no grill marks showing from beneath the cheese. Are we to believe that these are some sort of magic cheeseburgers?
Worst. Tutorial. Ever.
posted by Nerd of the North at 8:27 PM on June 19, 2015 [17 favorites]
Worst. Tutorial. Ever.
posted by Nerd of the North at 8:27 PM on June 19, 2015 [17 favorites]
Thank you so much for posting this video. For me it has opened up a new level of understanding of this world. So many new thoughts right now.
posted by dogwalker at 8:32 PM on June 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by dogwalker at 8:32 PM on June 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
I've been listening to a Tale of Two Cities in the car and I kept expecting them to do a slow pan up the scribe tool to reveal a gnarled and trembling hand, so pallid you could trace a vein from pinky tip to wrist, until it was hidden by the sleeve of a moth eaten linen smock, yellowed with age, and then finally, after the bowed shoulder and sunken chest, a face, gaunt, half hidden by a straggled curtain of white hair, but nothing, nothing, can quite ever hide the eyes, pools of despair so deep they seem to burn...
posted by maggiepolitt at 8:38 PM on June 19, 2015 [18 favorites]
posted by maggiepolitt at 8:38 PM on June 19, 2015 [18 favorites]
I see they come from the Ace of Cakes school, where it's a thoroughly mediocre plain confection covered in disgusting sugary goop in the shape of something else.
posted by codacorolla at 8:45 PM on June 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by codacorolla at 8:45 PM on June 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
I would just eat the cookie dough, and then eat the icing.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 8:46 PM on June 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 8:46 PM on June 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
And if anyone is still frustrated about this not being how to make cookies on a grill, here you go!
posted by Riton at 8:47 PM on June 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Riton at 8:47 PM on June 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
And if anyone is still frustrated about this not being how to make cookies on a grill, here you go!
Uh, I guess you could use that pen to put grill lines on them
posted by aubilenon at 8:52 PM on June 19, 2015
Uh, I guess you could use that pen to put grill lines on them
posted by aubilenon at 8:52 PM on June 19, 2015
MMMM, beautiful, laboriously prepared tasteless sugar cookie and royal icing that's been sitting for multiple days! I love the craft of this stuff, but don't understand the point if it's not worth eating.
posted by cmoj at 8:54 PM on June 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by cmoj at 8:54 PM on June 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
At this point you varnish and attach a fridge magnet to the back, no?
posted by parki at 8:57 PM on June 19, 2015 [16 favorites]
posted by parki at 8:57 PM on June 19, 2015 [16 favorites]
If I tried that it would turn out about as good as the paint job on those model sets I had as a kid...
(Speaking of amazing cooking related stuff, I caught an episode of Masterchef Junior the other day and some 12 year old kid made goddamn macarons. WTF.)
posted by kmz at 9:00 PM on June 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
(Speaking of amazing cooking related stuff, I caught an episode of Masterchef Junior the other day and some 12 year old kid made goddamn macarons. WTF.)
posted by kmz at 9:00 PM on June 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I kept waiting for the punch line that I was sure had to be coming to put an end to this insanity... :(
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:03 PM on June 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:03 PM on June 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
The '60s cocktail party soundtrack lends a jaunty, whimsical touch.
posted by Iris Gambol at 9:11 PM on June 19, 2015
posted by Iris Gambol at 9:11 PM on June 19, 2015
Afraid I'll have to deduct points for not putting grill lines on the patties before adding the cheese.
posted by sourwookie at 9:12 PM on June 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by sourwookie at 9:12 PM on June 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Way too much work for something I'm going to pop into my mouth in a single bite...
posted by jim in austin at 9:13 PM on June 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by jim in austin at 9:13 PM on June 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'ma let you finish and all that, but the most appropriate cookies for this grillin' season must surely feature Grumpy Cat?
posted by Anoplura at 9:35 PM on June 19, 2015
posted by Anoplura at 9:35 PM on June 19, 2015
So is there a way to make these cookies without the cookies, which are at least in theory the point of the whole endeavor, becoming horribly stale?
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:36 PM on June 19, 2015
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:36 PM on June 19, 2015
...sorry, that should be the most appropriate *hand-painted, overwrought* cookies. Carry on.
posted by Anoplura at 9:37 PM on June 19, 2015
posted by Anoplura at 9:37 PM on June 19, 2015
When I watched this I wondered: Does this person actually eat cookies and know the reasons that people might enjoy eating cookies?
Because this cookie lover wants to instant sugar and taste. Nom nom nom.
When I watched the first few seconds of the video, I was very excited because I thought: Oh my gosh! Shish kabob cookies. Not only will you get a cookie, but a full shish kabob with 10 or 12 freshly heated cookies. No need to open a box when you can pull them fresh off the grill and plop them into your mouth.
I was naive enough to keep watching for the first few minutes and still think that any minute now, they would show you how to get these yummy cookies. But it took a long time to make that one tiny cookie. And they put toothpicks on it. Personally, I throw the whole cookie in my mouth, and my guess is that I would be injured afterward, but okay.
I did find a video for triple chocolate bacon cookies on a grill (for real, not a cookie that looks like a grill).
Now I just need to find someone who will bake them for me. Please. Nom.
posted by Wolfster at 9:41 PM on June 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Because this cookie lover wants to instant sugar and taste. Nom nom nom.
When I watched the first few seconds of the video, I was very excited because I thought: Oh my gosh! Shish kabob cookies. Not only will you get a cookie, but a full shish kabob with 10 or 12 freshly heated cookies. No need to open a box when you can pull them fresh off the grill and plop them into your mouth.
I was naive enough to keep watching for the first few minutes and still think that any minute now, they would show you how to get these yummy cookies. But it took a long time to make that one tiny cookie. And they put toothpicks on it. Personally, I throw the whole cookie in my mouth, and my guess is that I would be injured afterward, but okay.
I did find a video for triple chocolate bacon cookies on a grill (for real, not a cookie that looks like a grill).
Now I just need to find someone who will bake them for me. Please. Nom.
posted by Wolfster at 9:41 PM on June 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
This was pretty cool, but who has this kind of patience and self restraint? I didn't even have the patience to watch this under 7 minute video (I skipped ahead in approximately 30 second increments, so I got the gist of the steps). And if I ever did manage to put this much effort into a cookie, there's no way in hell I would let anyone eat them.
Actually, this reminds me of those pastry and cake competitions that I used to watch on the food network where they would make these incredibly elaborate desserts. I loved watching those shows, but I was always torn, because sugary treats, especially chocolate ones, were really made to be eaten, not admired.
posted by litera scripta manet at 9:43 PM on June 19, 2015
Actually, this reminds me of those pastry and cake competitions that I used to watch on the food network where they would make these incredibly elaborate desserts. I loved watching those shows, but I was always torn, because sugary treats, especially chocolate ones, were really made to be eaten, not admired.
posted by litera scripta manet at 9:43 PM on June 19, 2015
This seems like the work of someone who wants children, or who has them and also spanks them. I'M BUSY FOR THE NEXT THREE DAYS AND NO YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE YET.
posted by rhizome at 9:45 PM on June 19, 2015
posted by rhizome at 9:45 PM on June 19, 2015
Her Minion cookies are delightful. I know a lot of little kids and adults who would freak out if I brought those over.
posted by Hermione Granger at 9:56 PM on June 19, 2015
posted by Hermione Granger at 9:56 PM on June 19, 2015
I highly recommend looking at some of the other videos on her channel, like these dinosaur cookies, because oh my god.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 10:08 PM on June 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 10:08 PM on June 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
I got as far as 1:36 before my inner rage overwhelmed me.
posted by stray at 10:13 PM on June 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by stray at 10:13 PM on June 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
Gonna be a shameless self-promoter here and say I do similar cool things with high-quality chocolate and custom-pigmented cocoa butter.
posted by Jon_Evil at 10:18 PM on June 19, 2015 [26 favorites]
posted by Jon_Evil at 10:18 PM on June 19, 2015 [26 favorites]
Jebus, Jon_Evil. You are a madman. Like, my jaw, she has dropped. I don't even know which questions to ask you about that. Just a;sd98dP*Uoiasjd98yUPOIHlaksjhlkjdshlkj1h2jlkjhLK@H!
posted by Joseph Gurl at 11:04 PM on June 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Joseph Gurl at 11:04 PM on June 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
As other people have mentioned, royal icing looks better than it tastes, and a sugar cookie that has spent a day or so drying in front of a fan will be too stale to enjoy eating. The solution? Marzipan. Crafting all those 3D elements will still take time and dexterity (and food coloring), but they don't have to dry, and the eventual cookie will be quite good. You might also want to use chocolate cookie dough to complement the almond marzipan (and to better imitate a grill surface).
posted by Rangi at 11:16 PM on June 19, 2015
posted by Rangi at 11:16 PM on June 19, 2015
I can't believe I watched the whole thing.
posted by Phssthpok at 2:01 AM on June 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Phssthpok at 2:01 AM on June 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
But... cookies aren't dessert. Not in my world, that is. Cookies are for having with coffee or tea and you get one per cup. That's how it works.
Also I prefer cookies that taste better than they look to the other way around. Still, awesome skills.
posted by Too-Ticky at 3:58 AM on June 20, 2015
Also I prefer cookies that taste better than they look to the other way around. Still, awesome skills.
posted by Too-Ticky at 3:58 AM on June 20, 2015
The cookie's getting lost under all this. I only care about the cookie.
Making the actual cookie is in a separate video. Step 1 is quarrying the limestone for the grinding wheels to grind the wheat for flour.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:22 AM on June 20, 2015 [9 favorites]
Making the actual cookie is in a separate video. Step 1 is quarrying the limestone for the grinding wheels to grind the wheat for flour.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:22 AM on June 20, 2015 [9 favorites]
Gonna be a shameless self-promoter here and say I do similar cool things with high-quality chocolate and custom-pigmented cocoa butter.
So, if you're an enthusiast miniatures painter, and you really want a chance to do up the Millennium Falcon and a pair of X-Wings with all of the painterly detail you know you can pull off, you're out of luck, because no-one sells unpainted Star Wars miniatures anymore. So, you find one of those old Micromachines Millennium Falcon toys, and make a silicone cast of it, and another of all the fiddly bits that go on it, like the radar array and quad-guns.
You can't fill it with lead, as that's too hot for the silicone, and likely toxic. So you research plastics and resins and FILL THAT MOTHER WITH GOURMET CHOCOLATE AND INVENT A CHOCOLATE MINIATURE PAINT SET! YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH!
And that's roughly how you get Mad Scientists. An unreasonable premise, taken to it's world-conquering, super-hero imperiling conclusion. (Though in this case, the peril is that Superman will need to exchange his briefs-over-tights for boxers-over-tracksuit to hide chunkybutt.)
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:10 AM on June 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
So, if you're an enthusiast miniatures painter, and you really want a chance to do up the Millennium Falcon and a pair of X-Wings with all of the painterly detail you know you can pull off, you're out of luck, because no-one sells unpainted Star Wars miniatures anymore. So, you find one of those old Micromachines Millennium Falcon toys, and make a silicone cast of it, and another of all the fiddly bits that go on it, like the radar array and quad-guns.
You can't fill it with lead, as that's too hot for the silicone, and likely toxic. So you research plastics and resins and FILL THAT MOTHER WITH GOURMET CHOCOLATE AND INVENT A CHOCOLATE MINIATURE PAINT SET! YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH!
And that's roughly how you get Mad Scientists. An unreasonable premise, taken to it's world-conquering, super-hero imperiling conclusion. (Though in this case, the peril is that Superman will need to exchange his briefs-over-tights for boxers-over-tracksuit to hide chunkybutt.)
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:10 AM on June 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm not going to snark on anyone who finds pleasure in a craft, but my holy sweet Jesus that is one massive time-sucking task to produce just one no-longer-edible cookie.
On the other hand, now I'm inspired to make actual grill cookies on my actual grill. I think some lemon bars will go well with the smoky flavor of the mesquite charcoal...
posted by math at 6:40 AM on June 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
On the other hand, now I'm inspired to make actual grill cookies on my actual grill. I think some lemon bars will go well with the smoky flavor of the mesquite charcoal...
posted by math at 6:40 AM on June 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
This seems like the work of someone who wants children, or who has them and also spanks them. I'M BUSY FOR THE NEXT THREE DAYS AND NO YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE YET.
I would just like to say that I have a child, I don't spank him, and I have done similar things (not quite this detailed, but involving sugar cookies and royal icing and tools and multiple steps and whatnot) to cookies, generally for gifts at Christmas.
All I can say is that, with the correct recipe, and enough butter, the cookie is still delicious. (I'm sorry, I don't have any photos handy, though).
posted by anastasiav at 6:55 AM on June 20, 2015
I would just like to say that I have a child, I don't spank him, and I have done similar things (not quite this detailed, but involving sugar cookies and royal icing and tools and multiple steps and whatnot) to cookies, generally for gifts at Christmas.
All I can say is that, with the correct recipe, and enough butter, the cookie is still delicious. (I'm sorry, I don't have any photos handy, though).
posted by anastasiav at 6:55 AM on June 20, 2015
I've bought cookies from this artist before, and that's totally how I thought about it. They were special cameo cookies for a friend who had just become a judge and they were beautiful. No idea if they were delicious, but to me, it was a gesture rather than a snack. Here is a beautiful, unusual thing for your beautiful and unusual achievement!
posted by headspace at 8:19 AM on June 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by headspace at 8:19 AM on June 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
with the correct recipe, and enough butter, [anything] is still delicious
posted by Wolfdog at 3:27 PM on June 20, 2015
posted by Wolfdog at 3:27 PM on June 20, 2015
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Or, you could go a simpler decorating route and spray it ETERNAL SHINY AND CHROME!
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 8:03 PM on June 19, 2015 [9 favorites]