50 Shades of Flashheart
June 30, 2015 11:02 AM Subscribe
50 Shades of Flashheart. The immortal words of Christian Grey put into the mouth of Blackadder's Lord Flashheart. (Single serving tumblr.)
Wait are these quotes verbatim?
posted by griphus at 11:10 AM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by griphus at 11:10 AM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
Oh, this just makes me miss Rik Mayall even more.
posted by gaspode at 11:11 AM on June 30, 2015 [16 favorites]
posted by gaspode at 11:11 AM on June 30, 2015 [16 favorites]
In related news, 'Fifty Shades of Grey' author E.L. James holds catastrophic Twitter Q&A. "Catastrophic" might be overselling it a bit, but there are a few quality burns in that article.
posted by mhum at 11:16 AM on June 30, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by mhum at 11:16 AM on June 30, 2015 [5 favorites]
uh heads up for autoplaying video in that link announcing THE FIFTY SHADES OF GREY AUTHOR...
posted by griphus at 11:17 AM on June 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by griphus at 11:17 AM on June 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
I could hear Rik saying every single one of those.
posted by veedubya at 11:19 AM on June 30, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by veedubya at 11:19 AM on June 30, 2015 [6 favorites]
At least one of those ("I'd planned on having you for dessert") is so close I can barely convince myself it isn't a Flashheart line.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:21 AM on June 30, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:21 AM on June 30, 2015 [5 favorites]
Whoops! Sorry about that everyone. My computer's on mute so I didn't catch it.
posted by mhum at 11:22 AM on June 30, 2015
posted by mhum at 11:22 AM on June 30, 2015
Some of those are a bit too crass for Flashheart. Think about that for a while.
WOOF!
posted by lmfsilva at 11:32 AM on June 30, 2015 [13 favorites]
WOOF!
posted by lmfsilva at 11:32 AM on June 30, 2015 [13 favorites]
Oh, this just makes me miss Rik Mayall even more.
IKR? So many less worthy people that are still breathing.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:32 AM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
IKR? So many less worthy people that are still breathing.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:32 AM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
At least one of those ("I'd planned on having you for dessert") is so close I can barely convince myself it isn't a Flashheart line.
Oh God yeah, also "Whoa. She might as well be addressing my groin!"
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 11:37 AM on June 30, 2015 [5 favorites]
Oh God yeah, also "Whoa. She might as well be addressing my groin!"
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 11:37 AM on June 30, 2015 [5 favorites]
"Music to my dick"?
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 11:37 AM on June 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 11:37 AM on June 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
Would Mr. Grey ever say anything as classy as "I have an idea, and it's as hot as my pants?" Yeah, I don't think so, either.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:40 AM on June 30, 2015 [22 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:40 AM on June 30, 2015 [22 favorites]
Some of those are a bit too crass for Flashheart.
Indeed. Flashheart was a buffoon, but he wasn't crude. I hear this guy's voice.
posted by bonehead at 12:05 PM on June 30, 2015
Indeed. Flashheart was a buffoon, but he wasn't crude. I hear this guy's voice.
posted by bonehead at 12:05 PM on June 30, 2015
"She's got a tongue like an electric eel and she likes the taste of a man's tonsils!" at least implies active consent!
posted by chaiminda at 12:15 PM on June 30, 2015 [13 favorites]
posted by chaiminda at 12:15 PM on June 30, 2015 [13 favorites]
This is amazing and also makes me so sad that there will never be a Rik Mayall-narrated audiobook.
posted by corvine at 12:19 PM on June 30, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by corvine at 12:19 PM on June 30, 2015 [8 favorites]
This is awesome and funny!
The Twitter attacks are mean and sexist.
posted by alasdair at 12:21 PM on June 30, 2015
The Twitter attacks are mean and sexist.
posted by alasdair at 12:21 PM on June 30, 2015
This is much better than my idea for a tumblr of quotes from John McCain with pictures of General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett (VC, DSO).
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:59 PM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:59 PM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
I mean, the question is: is Christian Grey dominant enough to be allowed to polish Lord Flashheart's third-best codpiece? My bet would be not.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:01 PM on June 30, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:01 PM on June 30, 2015 [8 favorites]
Please explain to me how the Twitter "attacks" are mean and sexist, alasdair, especially in light of the way E.L. James has handled abused women who've reached out to her in the past.
I'm pretty sure James is crying into her huge, hundred-dollar-bill-stuffed pillow every night, the poor thing. And as Jenny Trout notes in the link above, all she ever has had to do is say look, this is a work of fiction, not an instruction manual, don't put up with this kind of abuse in real life. You have to wonder what the hell her PR people were thinking to ALLOW her to do this, let alone encourage her, so I don't have a lot of sympathy.
She should hope people make more funny, creative uses of her lameassed book like this tumblr and stop being such a dick to people who've asked her to behave like a human being with compassion.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 1:30 PM on June 30, 2015 [5 favorites]
I'm pretty sure James is crying into her huge, hundred-dollar-bill-stuffed pillow every night, the poor thing. And as Jenny Trout notes in the link above, all she ever has had to do is say look, this is a work of fiction, not an instruction manual, don't put up with this kind of abuse in real life. You have to wonder what the hell her PR people were thinking to ALLOW her to do this, let alone encourage her, so I don't have a lot of sympathy.
She should hope people make more funny, creative uses of her lameassed book like this tumblr and stop being such a dick to people who've asked her to behave like a human being with compassion.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 1:30 PM on June 30, 2015 [5 favorites]
If you missed out on #AskELJames you can always enjoy #AskBobby today.
So Gov Jindal, Louisiana is 48th in state eduction rankings. What went wrong in your bid to be dead last?posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 1:58 PM on June 30, 2015 [9 favorites]
Perhaps I love Rik Mayall and his various incarnations of the Lord Flashheart too much to be objective, but this fails badly in my eyes.
Nor is the failure over-the-top enough to be funny, a la the Bawdy 1970's Hospital sketch from 'That Micthell and Webb Look.' There's a big difference between double entendres (even those with the thinnest of veils) and unvarnished lewdness. To borrow a quote from Christopher Hitchens, these lines seem like they were
But!!! Any thread with Lord Flashheart is a good thread! So thumbs up just the same! :)
And to cleanse your palate, here's an excellent montage of some of Lord Flashheart's best scenes.
Personal aside: my favorite Flashheart moment is the first scene in this clip, where Flashheart reacts to Blackadder's insults: first a concerned look, then laughing it off, and finally a 'what the hell' look before punching Blackadder. It's a masterfully sublime range of comedic facial expressions.
posted by Davenhill at 2:16 PM on June 30, 2015 [3 favorites]
Nor is the failure over-the-top enough to be funny, a la the Bawdy 1970's Hospital sketch from 'That Micthell and Webb Look.' There's a big difference between double entendres (even those with the thinnest of veils) and unvarnished lewdness. To borrow a quote from Christopher Hitchens, these lines seem like they were
"generated by the old expedient of letting two orangutans loose on a word processor."And not in a good way.
But!!! Any thread with Lord Flashheart is a good thread! So thumbs up just the same! :)
And to cleanse your palate, here's an excellent montage of some of Lord Flashheart's best scenes.
Personal aside: my favorite Flashheart moment is the first scene in this clip, where Flashheart reacts to Blackadder's insults: first a concerned look, then laughing it off, and finally a 'what the hell' look before punching Blackadder. It's a masterfully sublime range of comedic facial expressions.
posted by Davenhill at 2:16 PM on June 30, 2015 [3 favorites]
So now we know that EL James would have been a good co-writer for Blackadders II & IV...
posted by DanCall at 3:10 AM on July 1, 2015
posted by DanCall at 3:10 AM on July 1, 2015
Wait, "she has a fresh wholesale fragrance"? is that in the book? Do they have sex at Costco? I might have to read this now.
posted by interplanetjanet at 6:15 AM on July 1, 2015
posted by interplanetjanet at 6:15 AM on July 1, 2015
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posted by maxsparber at 11:06 AM on June 30, 2015 [19 favorites]