“He wanted to touch her vagina with his penis.”
July 2, 2015 1:04 PM   Subscribe

You may enjoy the schadenfreudic artwork at Kindle Ebook Disasters (previously), but did you ever wonder if the writing is as inept as the covers would suggest? In the case of Tender Kiss of the Russian Werewolf, the answer is an unsurprising and unqualified “yes.” Sextrap Dungeon, on the other hand, is not good exactly, but according to one reviewer, seems “entirely aware of how stupid it is and actually has fun with the fact.”

On Wired, Jason Kehe has an ongoing series of book reviews selected from the Kindle Ebook Disasters tumblr. In addition to the Russian Werewolf sexcapades, he has reviewed The Yississ War, Moira: The Zorzen War (The Divided Worlds Book 3), and Crisis on Terra-Bravo.
posted by bibliowench (34 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
 
Clearly, these people define "disaster" differently than I do - as unintentional comedy / folk art, they're gold.
posted by ryanshepard at 1:08 PM on July 2, 2015


If you use your Kindle on public transit, I'm not sure EXTRA LARGE TEXT is the selling point that the cover of Sextrap Dungeon wants me to think it is.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:12 PM on July 2, 2015 [3 favorites]


But on the plus side, it has "NO LONG WORDS."
posted by bibliowench at 1:14 PM on July 2, 2015 [6 favorites]


Sextrap Dungeon claims it has "NO LONG WORDS" on the cover but one of the excerpts had "hypothalamus" and "priapism" in it so I'm gonna have to call that a fib.
posted by tommasz at 1:15 PM on July 2, 2015 [9 favorites]


"Deploy the fonts!" is my new catchphrase.
posted by Solomon at 1:25 PM on July 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


Well if you can't trust the author/self-publisher of Sextrap Dungeon then...I just don't know what to think anymore.
posted by PlusDistance at 1:27 PM on July 2, 2015 [7 favorites]


From The Yississ War review:

A huge naked corpse-woman with six breasts and tentacles for legs is the chief antagonist of Shawn O’Toole’s The Yississ War....

Stop the presses. This needs to be a movie, directed by John Waters. Or James Cameron. Or Uwe Boll.
posted by zarq at 1:28 PM on July 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


MICHAEL BAY PRESENTS

TRANSFORMERS V: TITTY TENTACLE MONSTER
posted by poffin boffin at 1:30 PM on July 2, 2015 [11 favorites]


Pounded in the Butt By My Own Kindle Ebook Disaster

I'd be shocked if the esteemed Mr. Tingle didn't already have a first draft of this finished. Maybe he was too busy practicing tae kwon do with his son.
posted by sparkletone at 1:31 PM on July 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


I have to assume that the title of Sextrap Dungeon is a nod/homage/wink to Deathtrap Dungeon, one of the old Steve Jackson Fighting Fantasy books.
posted by mhum at 1:37 PM on July 2, 2015 [3 favorites]


TRANSFORMERS V: TITTY TENTACLE MONSTER

BAD BOYS TWELVE: TITTIES AND TENTACLES
posted by zarq at 1:43 PM on July 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: It lances through your eye jelly into your hypothalamus.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:44 PM on July 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


Amazon really needs to work out a Kindle partnership with the producers of Orange Is the New Black so that we can all enjoy some actual Time Hump Chronicles posthaste.
posted by FelliniBlank at 1:48 PM on July 2, 2015 [9 favorites]


Tender Kiss of the Yississ Crisis.

Sufferin' succotash!
posted by yoink at 1:53 PM on July 2, 2015


Still better than Fifty Shades of Grey.
posted by Pendragon at 1:54 PM on July 2, 2015 [8 favorites]


Pegged By my Wild Amazon Paperwhite Kindle
posted by benzenedream at 1:56 PM on July 2, 2015


TRANSFORMERS V: TITTY TENTACLE MONSTER

Explain how racist-caricature robots will fit into the stirring tale of TITTY TENTACLE MONSTER, please.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:59 PM on July 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


Are we sure it isn't SEX TARP DUNGEON? Because seriously, there's surfaces down here you don't want to roll around on.
posted by Strange Interlude at 2:18 PM on July 2, 2015 [7 favorites]


why so many werewolves. also, the last werewolf is done in apparently crayon, and if it wasn't a kind of obvious rip off of a True Blood shot, it would be somewhat compelling.

actually, i heard some well established author who writes literary fiction is working on a werewolf series, so again I wonder: why werewolves?

a friend claimed seriously that vampire stories flourished during times of economic contraction, so i wonder what is up with werewolves. they're kind of annoying as a monster, honestly. maybe it because it's skirting the edges of bestiality therefore taboo but man, gross. I don't want to have sex with a dog man.

Hmm. There was Alcide, tho.
posted by angrycat at 2:34 PM on July 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


MICHAEL BAY PRESENTS

TRANSFORMERS V: TITTY PEPSI TENTACLE MONSTER


FTFY.
posted by The Bellman at 2:54 PM on July 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


Ahh, Sextrap Dungeon. 6 in the FF series, if I remember correctly, and the first time Ian Livingstone went out on his own, without Steve Jackson there to rein him in. No matter which page you turned to: Dildo Monster. "You have been cornered by the Dildo Monster." "The fearsome Dildo Monster pounces on you from behind." "The last thing you see before the world goes dark is the drooling Dildo Monster mounting your chest." "You crack open the treasure chest, eager to get your hands on the gold and precious stones within, but no: Dildo Monster." It was how I as a young boy learned about how Dildo Monsters worked, and also adventure. Fond memories indeed.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:08 PM on July 2, 2015 [5 favorites]


Explain how racist-caricature robots will fit into the stirring tale of TITTY TENTACLE MONSTER, please.

excuse me but i am not the great michael bay and cannot possibly predict the pathways of his genius
posted by poffin boffin at 3:18 PM on July 2, 2015 [3 favorites]


BUT prolly the tentacles will punch something a lot while the boobs jiggle.
posted by poffin boffin at 3:19 PM on July 2, 2015 [3 favorites]


TRANSFORMERS V: TITTY TENTACLE MONSTER

This couldn't be any more fucked in the head than Age of Extinction. Christ, what a weird franchise.
posted by brundlefly at 3:31 PM on July 2, 2015


What is the original cover of Catch-22 doing on this list, though?
posted by KGMoney at 3:32 PM on July 2, 2015


Sextrap Dungeon is actually good. You can tell because the cover is high quality, i.e. the models look good and the images are high resolution. The intentionally cheesy retro aesthetics and the promises made in the lower right are a hint at the book's sense of humor.
posted by deathmaven at 3:49 PM on July 2, 2015


What is the original cover of Catch-22 doing on this list, though?

quivering expectantly.
posted by poffin boffin at 3:49 PM on July 2, 2015 [8 favorites]


THROBBING URGENTLY
posted by poffin boffin at 3:55 PM on July 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


Coyly casting a come-hither look
posted by Bella Donna at 4:15 PM on July 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


Expositing non-chronologically.
posted by gingerest at 5:47 PM on July 2, 2015


Oh, wait, that's what the contents of the book did, not the cover.
posted by gingerest at 5:47 PM on July 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


Somebody owes me an apology for this erection.
posted by dr_dank at 5:48 PM on July 2, 2015 [3 favorites]


Titties and Tentacles II: Electric Boobaloo
posted by 445supermag at 6:54 PM on July 2, 2015


Flailing loincloth.
posted by clavdivs at 8:19 PM on July 2, 2015


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