Needs must when the devil drives
July 2, 2015 8:20 PM   Subscribe

"In principle, it is what scientists call hypodermic insemination: the practice of forcefully depositing sperm outside a female genital tract—and yes, it's as usually as rough as it sounds. Bed bugs are infamous for it, as this type of insemination (also called traumatic insemination) causes major damage to the female and reduces her fitness, though a number of species have been demonstrated to reproduce in this way, including flatworms." These flatworms plunge their penises into their own heads to inject themselves with sperm (when they must). - Christie Wilcox for Discover Magazine's 'Science Sushi' blog. Previously: 1, 2, 3
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome (17 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite


 
Sexual reproduction manifests in a lot of strange ways when you start looking at invertebrates. There's one species I remember studying in zoology where the male actually goes inside the female (who is much larger) and becomes a parasite within her.

Male Black Widows have two pedipalps that they use for sex. The male deposits sperm on the ground and loads up the pedipalps, then seeks out a female. He approaches her very gingerly but if he reaches her, he inserts the pedipalps into her vaginal openings, and breaks them off, which plugs them.

That means no other male can inseminate her. It also means he can't inseminate any other female. It's probably just as well that she usually eats him after this; it provides more nutrition to the mother of his children and with his pedipalps gone he no longer has anything to contribute to the species except for his body as a meal.

Snails are bisexual, having both male and female parts. Two snails who mate line up 69-style, and each one inserts sperm into the other. Then they separate and both eventually lay eggs.

There's a species of shellfish where all of the adults begin male and eventually switch to female. The young males are attracted to older, larger, females and attach to their shells, permanently. They live multiple years, continuing to grow, and eventually switch to female, and in turn attract other males. They end up forming big stacks, like a huge invertebrate gang-bang.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 9:08 PM on July 2, 2015 [10 favorites]


MetaFilter: Like a huge invertebrate gang-bang.
posted by jimmythefish at 9:45 PM on July 2, 2015 [3 favorites]


There's a species of shellfish where all of the adults begin male and eventually switch to female. The young males are attracted to older, larger, females and attach to their shells, permanently. They live multiple years, continuing to grow, and eventually switch to female, and in turn attract other males. They end up forming big stacks, like a huge invertebrate gang-bang.

That's interesting. It reminds me of clownfish, which also start off male and become female later in life. Except in their case, the most dominant clownfish is the sole female, and the 2nd most dominant is the sole breeding male. When the female dies, the breeding male becomes the new female and one of the other males becomes the new breeding male.

So, if Finding Nemo were more accurate to nature, once Nemo's mom died, his dad would have become his new mom and Nemo would start mating with his dad-turned-mom.
posted by picklenickle at 9:48 PM on July 2, 2015 [10 favorites]


There's one species I remember studying in zoology where the male actually goes inside the female (who is much larger) and becomes a parasite within her.

That happens with male anglerfish also - they are much smaller than the females and eventually each seek to attach themselves to a female, only to be gradually absorbed into her flesh and become a sort of fertilizing agent.
posted by callistus at 9:55 PM on July 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


These flatworms plunge their penises into their own heads to inject themselves with sperm (when they must).

When I was in high school, I heard from a very reliable source that Marilyn Manson had several ribs surgically removed so that he could do this too.

...also, they should specify that they mean forcefully depositing sperm outside a female genital tract but inside the female's body. Because in many cultures, depositing the sperm outside the genital tract is just considered good manners.
posted by Anoplura at 10:01 PM on July 2, 2015 [2 favorites]


Related
posted by klausman at 10:54 PM on July 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


A few years ago on Wikipedia I was internet-friends with Raul, the guy who managed the Featured Article of the day--the one that appears on the English wiki home page.

As a total piss-take, he took the traumatic insemination article to FA status and put it on the main page for 24 hours. It was disturbing and glorious.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:27 PM on July 2, 2015


A squid did this to a lady's face once and I will probably never stop freaking out about it.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:54 PM on July 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


A year ago, I decided to learn more about bedbugs because I had momentary guilt about wanting the ones in my house to die so very much. I thought, "once I learn about their complex social patterns and amazing sophisticated insides and whatever, I'll be able to be objective about wanting to stop the infestation without wanting to crush them to death with hatred." That plan backfired.
posted by Aravis76 at 12:28 AM on July 3, 2015 [5 favorites]


Does this mean Zeus was a flatworm?
posted by frogfather at 3:11 AM on July 3, 2015


These flatworms plunge their penises into their own heads to inject themselves with sperm (when they must).

A friend seriously put his back out doing this as a teenager, so it's probably a good thing that flatworms are invertebrates.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:12 AM on July 3, 2015


Snails are bisexual, having both male and female parts

Sooo, I'm pretty sure that's not what bisexual means
posted by Ned G at 4:40 AM on July 3, 2015 [3 favorites]


Though now dated usage, that was once the sole meaning of the term.
posted by seraphine at 4:55 AM on July 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


So, if Finding Nemo were more accurate to nature, once Nemo's mom died, his dad would have become his new mom and Nemo would start mating with his dad-turned-mom.

For the love of God, nobody tell the people who write Kindle erotica about this.
posted by strangely stunted trees at 6:39 AM on July 3, 2015 [4 favorites]


On the contrary, we should brainstorm the best ways to reach this untapped Kindle market.
posted by nicebookrack at 6:44 AM on July 3, 2015 [3 favorites]


Joseph conrad may be fully awesome but this is repugnant.
posted by djeo at 1:38 PM on July 3, 2015


So, if Finding Nemo were more accurate to nature, once Nemo's mom died, his dad would have become his new mom and Nemo would start mating with his dad-turned-mom.

John Waters already made that movie.
posted by 445supermag at 9:49 PM on July 3, 2015


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