"No, it's not fake."
July 5, 2015 10:16 AM   Subscribe

 
The comments are actually pretty funny, too.
posted by Jacqueline at 10:17 AM on July 5, 2015


Cows are big. Unless the woman in the photos is 7 foot tall it's not at all out of proportion. But it is a big cow. Seems happy too.
posted by sammyo at 10:20 AM on July 5, 2015


Well, that's the best sentence I'll read all day.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:24 AM on July 5, 2015 [8 favorites]


What is that accent? I've never heard that one before.

Also, obligatory Wonder Stuff music video link - The Size of a Cow.
posted by kariebookish at 10:24 AM on July 5, 2015 [2 favorites]


Wow, suddenly it's a lot more viscerally credible to me that cows and whales are closely related.
posted by jamjam at 10:25 AM on July 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


:
posted by neroli at 10:26 AM on July 5, 2015 [2 favorites]


Yup. Big cow. Probably one of the Slavic models. Just a good, no-nonsense cow, no extras. Large, 'cause it get's cold in mooski-land. Honest, hardworking, but will give you SUCH a kick if you go at the udders with cold hands.
posted by Mooski at 10:28 AM on July 5, 2015 [7 favorites]


.
posted by broken wheelchair at 10:32 AM on July 5, 2015


What is that accent?

midwestern with a slight irish brogue
posted by pyramid termite at 10:34 AM on July 5, 2015 [2 favorites]


There was a time when I would have said she was outstanding in her field.
posted by ogooglebar at 10:34 AM on July 5, 2015 [41 favorites]


"As long as she had her oats, and daily chin rubs and ear scratches, life was good."

I'm pretty much the same way.
posted by hippybear at 10:37 AM on July 5, 2015 [17 favorites]


"The funny thing about Blosom was how unaffected she was by all the attention that seemed to surround her," said Patty Meads-Hanson...


uh .... the funny thing would have been if the cow had started wearing dark glasses and asking for organic, free range oats after all that attention.
posted by TheLittlePrince at 10:38 AM on July 5, 2015 [19 favorites]


Midwestern? Ja. Slight Irish brogue? I'm not convinced. The video was charming. The typo in the text "headfacing" was annoying. The days of paying people to fix things like that are long gone. Sigh. Great post!
posted by Bella Donna at 10:42 AM on July 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


See, you monsters? You said she was fake. You wagged your fingers, made "photoshop accusations" all her life, but she just put up with it. And now she's dead. I hope you're happy.
posted by koeselitz at 10:49 AM on July 5, 2015 [18 favorites]


Aww, cow! Cows make me so happy!

Sleep sweet, Blossom.

.
posted by MissySedai at 10:54 AM on July 5, 2015 [2 favorites]


Can someone describe her size in units I can understand like say burgers or steaks?
posted by srboisvert at 10:59 AM on July 5, 2015 [5 favorites]


She was about 1200 veggie burgers tall, or 800 tempeh patties for those that swing that way.
posted by Poldo at 11:03 AM on July 5, 2015 [12 favorites]


What is that accent? I've never heard that one before.

Chicowgo.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:04 AM on July 5, 2015 [11 favorites]


Bovine growth hormone?
posted by miyabo at 11:06 AM on July 5, 2015


First photo is using perspective to make cow appear larger compared to person.
posted by D.C. at 11:10 AM on July 5, 2015


D.C. - so the opposite of small/far away?
posted by marienbad at 11:25 AM on July 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


a slight irish brogue

Um, what? Freeport/Orangeville is just down the road from Wisconsin. That right there is yer typical rural Illinois accent mixed with a little 'yah hey dere' from up north, over by there.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 11:33 AM on July 5, 2015 [13 favorites]


If only there was going to be a double-album sequel to Atom Heart Mother.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 11:36 AM on July 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


so the opposite of small/far away?

No. The same as that.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:36 AM on July 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


Just a good, no-nonsense cow, no extras.

It's the undercoat where they really get you.
posted by Etrigan at 11:39 AM on July 5, 2015 [7 favorites]


Even after reading the 'lifetime of Photoshop accusations' thing, as soon as I clicked the link and saw the photos my brain went faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake
posted by shakespeherian at 11:52 AM on July 5, 2015


faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake

More like, over-egged.

But still: big cow.
posted by chavenet at 11:56 AM on July 5, 2015


It's rough being a cow that big. The steaks are really high.
posted by xingcat at 11:58 AM on July 5, 2015 [30 favorites]


MetaFilter: Just a good, no-nonsense cow, no extras.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:18 PM on July 5, 2015 [6 favorites]


I didn't hear a lick of Irish in there, just the typical sort of accent you'd hear around that area where Wisconsin and Iowa intersect near Illinois and Minnesota. I didn't hear anything too northern in the sense of UP Michigan or the conifer areas of Wisconsin and Minnesota, either. Just straight cornfield midwest.
posted by traveler_ at 12:21 PM on July 5, 2015 [2 favorites]


(Also just like half my family, so it made me a bit homesick.)
posted by traveler_ at 12:22 PM on July 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


Blosom had died in May at the age of 13 after sustaining an irreparable leg injury. Her place in the record book as the tallest cow living was no longer accurate, but after performing further research Guinness found that Blosom was indeed worthy of an even better title: the tallest cow ever.

I think the cow would beg to differ. "Mooooooo," it would say from beyond the grave, like a spooky ghost cow. "I preferred my former title."
posted by compartment at 12:33 PM on July 5, 2015 [5 favorites]


I would be interested in seeing candidates for world's widest cow.
posted by Wolfdog at 1:02 PM on July 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


Blosom was born to two normal-sized cows

Born to two cows? What an amazing, modern world we live in.
posted by WaylandSmith at 1:07 PM on July 5, 2015 [14 favorites]


midwestern with a slight irish brogue

No. Thank you.

Love,
Ireland
posted by DarlingBri at 1:51 PM on July 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


> Blosom was born to two normal-sized cows

> Born to two cows? What an amazing, modern world we live in.


I missed that oddity, and instead was caught up when I read that line as "Blosom was born two normal-sized cows" and I wondered how you could graft cows together like plants, or somehow merged into one super-sized cow. I laughed to myself, until I saw this picture on Blossom's Facebook page, where she is standing next to two other, presumably normal sized cows. I am now fairly certain she was somehow formed by pressing two normal cows together into a large cow mold.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:59 PM on July 5, 2015 [7 favorites]


Well, that's the best sentence I'll read all day.

Yeah the article's title was at least 50% of the reason I decided to make this post. :D
posted by Jacqueline at 2:07 PM on July 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


Oh Blosom :-(

.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:30 PM on July 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


Wow.
posted by Bovine Love at 3:37 PM on July 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


Clearly genetically engineered to resist tipping.
posted by echocollate at 4:49 PM on July 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


...by an engineer who wasn't entirely at home with that whole "center of gravity" thing.
posted by Wolfdog at 5:55 PM on July 5, 2015 [7 favorites]


Now you know how prehistoric bovines were so big!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 6:16 PM on July 5, 2015


oh, jee-eeez, I love that accent.
I literally just got back from Northern Michigan. (Which isn't the U.P.).

You know, I have a British-born brother-in-law who speaks like a midwesterner until you get around four or five beers in him. Then he sounds like a regular British person.

I only sound like my roots when I'm in trouble. For example, recently I had to explain myself to an old neighbor, a fellow who was my dad's age. We'll call him Bill. And Bill had survived about a billion heart-attacks and was an old buddy of my dad's and I had to remove some of Bill's grandchildren from a bit of beachfront property. And Bill came storming up my driveway, mad as hell, shaking his head and ready to really give it to me. "What in the heck are yah doin yellin' at my grandkids? And now you've got your truck blockin' the easement - who it the heck do yah think you are?"

And my wife grabbed my arm. Because Bill has old man strength.

I took off my ball cap and started, "Well now hold on just a second Bill, yah know that isn't how the deal went down, I know your grandkids have been using this easement for fishin and that's just fine - all's I asked was that they not put their cigarette butts in the ditch over there. And that's the God's Honest Truth, Bill. Nothing to get het up over."

And later on my wife said, "Sounded like you were explaining yourself to your dad."

And I thought, "I was." But I'm tickled that the lady with the tallest cow talks like me.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 9:00 PM on July 5, 2015 [9 favorites]


I'm from south-central Wisconsin. What accent are all of you on about? She sounds perfectly normal to me.

(Also, I'll take my cows 900-1100 pounds thank you. That's plenty big for me.)
posted by stet at 9:34 PM on July 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


I don't know anything about accents but is there a relationship between that and Prince Edward Island, CA? They sound a bit distantly related.
posted by gucci mane at 1:30 AM on July 6, 2015


Midwestern Northern IL had a lot of N. European immigrants, and this woman is probably descended from them. Her accent is perfectly rural Wisc/IL/Minn.

Source: lived in the Midwest my whole life, and this lady sounds just like a whole lotta ladies hereabouts, complete with that sort of high-nasal flat vowel thing.
posted by RedEmma at 8:47 AM on July 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


I don't know anything about accents but is there a relationship between that and Prince Edward Island, CA? They sound a bit distantly related.

Not really, no. Nasality, maybe, but not much beyond that.

In PEI, you'd hear either a straight UEL accent like you'd hear west of Quebec, a heavily Irish-influenced "lard-tunderin-jayzuss" Atlantic Canadian accent like you'd hear in Newfoundland, or something in between like you'd hear in Nova Scotia. You would not hear anyone who sounds like they're from Illinois, unless they actually were.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:33 AM on July 6, 2015


That's pretty darn big for a cow, in cow terms.

Did you know that Turkeys grow so frickin big that they can break conveyor belts? Sure, your average Thanksgiving Tom will range from 8 to 18 pounds.

When they slaughter the breeders, though. Damned. 80 pound turkeys. EIGHTY.

They get turned into "meat products" which are perfectly fine to eat. Most of the turkey bratwursts, and ground turkey meats, are from birds like this.

Scary big birds.
posted by yesster at 8:19 PM on July 6, 2015


That's alot of cow.
posted by homunculus at 10:22 PM on July 6, 2015


...was a lot of cow. Alots aren't that big, afaik.
posted by homunculus at 10:52 PM on July 6, 2015 [4 favorites]


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