We say YO HO! But we don't say "ho!" Because "ho" is disrespectful, yo!
July 9, 2015 3:59 PM   Subscribe


 


This is excellent.
posted by ColdChef at 4:26 PM on July 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


The gentleman who performed cunnilingus missed an opportunity to sing that he did it "for an arrrr or so!" opting instead for a Canadian (?) accent. But still, nicely done!
posted by spacewrench at 4:34 PM on July 9, 2015 [17 favorites]


It's like "The Pirates who don't do anything" only NSFW.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 4:36 PM on July 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


On the one hand I loved how it started out and the message in general (that bit about the "bet you thought the doctor was a he", fucking hilarious (and true :())

*SPOILERALERTSPOILERALERT

So anyways, that bit where she comes on the scene and shoots the misogynist pig, then they all kinda tense up... It's clear she's the boss, and there's this sense of, like - I guess if you're a fucking idiot who thinks the women are coming to enslave the men, and then you see this, it sorta reinforces that. Whereas, if it's the guys just doing it of their own free volition - it gives this sense of authenticity and maybe hope - like - hey, we CAN learn to not be brutes.

But then it throws that ending in and it's just "oh, the nasty feminists are making weak men" and sorta... just perpetuates the bullshit that MRA assholes think. I dunno. I'm just a white dude, so I'm privileged and my opinion really doesn't matter I guess. But it just ... that bit bothered me. And it's not like I don't like strong women, fuck yeah I do. But something about this seemed to hit that nauseating trope, and I guess that's what bothers me.
posted by symbioid at 4:41 PM on July 9, 2015 [31 favorites]


I thought she was just a badass who makes them quake in their boots same as Blackbeard/Barbarossa/Dread Pirate Roberts would.
posted by saturday_morning at 4:50 PM on July 9, 2015 [17 favorites]


It appears Rebecca Romijn has taken the "Librarians" off-season to go adventuring as a pirate captain.
posted by nicebookrack at 4:51 PM on July 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


Yeah, symbioid, I was kinda disappointed when she came out. I was so tickled with the idea of an all-male enclave of reasonable pirate types who spend their time reinforcing healthy guidelines for human relating. Not any men worried or joking about emasculation by a strong/er woman. You know, the stuff of fantasy!!
posted by witchen at 4:54 PM on July 9, 2015 [19 favorites]


Metafilter: I'm just a white dude, so I'm privileged and my opinion really doesn't matter I guess.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:06 PM on July 9, 2015 [12 favorites]


I guess if you're a fucking idiot who thinks the women are coming to enslave the men, and then you see this, it sorta reinforces that. Whereas, if it's the guys just doing it of their own free volition - it gives this sense of authenticity and maybe hope - like - hey, we CAN learn to not be brutes.

Hhahahah, I think every guy in the video except for one learned how not to be a brute
posted by 23skidoo at 5:08 PM on July 9, 2015


Like the concept, but would have been more impressive if they had made things rhyme properly.

And by not doing that, they sort of underlined (rather than subvert) the old jokes about feminism ruining humor/fun. Because songs aren't as fun when they don't rhyme (at least, pirate chanteys aren't) and so now you have the implication that you can't have a fun stompy pirate song if you sing about treating women respectfully.

Which I don't buy for a second. You just need a little more imagination, guys. Go back and try again.
posted by emjaybee at 5:11 PM on July 9, 2015 [6 favorites]


The rhyming thing was pretty clearly breaking meter for comedic effect. You not being familiar with that doesn't mean they couldn't make it rhyme.

I thought she was just a badass who makes them quake in their boots same as Blackbeard/Barbarossa/Dread Pirate Roberts would.

I was just disappointed it wasn't Isabela.
posted by NoraReed at 5:28 PM on July 9, 2015 [13 favorites]


It seems likely to me that Key&Peele know exactly what they are doing and why they are doing it. A lack of imagination has never been something of which they've been accused?
posted by Justinian at 5:31 PM on July 9, 2015 [6 favorites]


Breaking the rhyme fell flat for me as well. I think it's a stronger message and joke if the rhyming is great.

I laughed a bunch tho. They're funny and smart.
posted by wemayfreeze at 5:34 PM on July 9, 2015


Metafilter: I'm just a white dude, so I'm privileged and my opinion really doesn't matter I guess.

Privilege doesn't mean your opinion doesn't matter. It means that, on some issues, you may be lacking information, and unaware that you lack information.

Being aware of my privilege doesn't condemn me to silence, it reminds me that I always need to be listening if I don't want to stumble around blindly hurting people by accident. In the end I may speak a bit less and listen more, but the reward for me is that when I do speak I'm less likely to regret what I've said.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 5:56 PM on July 9, 2015 [42 favorites]


A friend/acquaintance of mine has been writing a series of Jezebel articles on women pirates. Here's a good one to get started on, if that's your cup of tea.
posted by Navelgazer at 5:56 PM on July 9, 2015 [2 favorites]


I more or less agree with symbioid -- it was funny (of course) and well-done (of course) but I can still imagine some people liking it for the wrong reason. To echo witchen, it would've been nicer if it didn't take some kind of pirate-Valkyrie to keep the men in line.
posted by uosuaq at 6:02 PM on July 9, 2015


I was just disappointed it wasn't Isabela.

It's a pirate chantey, not a pirate chantry.

#DivineIsabela
posted by Panjandrum at 6:14 PM on July 9, 2015 [3 favorites]


Ooh, is this the Key and Peele Season 5 thread?

Meet Savannah - Hilary Clinton's anger translator.
posted by longdaysjourney at 6:18 PM on July 9, 2015 [7 favorites]


I was up last night working, so I actually saw it run twice. The Pirates thing was pretty great, but the whole season opener was awesome. They tackled a lot of stuff in the news including a great skit where they got dolled up in whiteface and shot all the non-white people because the white police officer was afraid. It was elegantly ham handed and brilliant satire.
posted by Nanukthedog at 6:21 PM on July 9, 2015 [3 favorites]


One of the things rhyming helps with is intelligibility. I couldn't make out some of the lines, which was a bit annoying. Has anyone got a transcript?
posted by Joe in Australia at 6:35 PM on July 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


But then it throws that ending in and it's just "oh, the nasty feminists are making weak men"

Arnt you falling into the trap of attacking the woman in power for being too aggressive? She's a pirate captain, not Captain Janeway.
posted by humanfont at 6:37 PM on July 9, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh! "We don't say bitch and we don't say whore, because that's the sort of thing that leads to body dysmorphia!"

Seriously. Pirates need to study elocution.
posted by Joe in Australia at 6:54 PM on July 9, 2015 [2 favorites]


Has anyone got a transcript?

"Thar once was a lass so fine,
She was drunk on Barleywine,
I'd been (out) to sea for a month or three,
I knew I could make her mine.
But the lass was past consent,
So it was off with her we went,
And we threw her in bed and we rested her head,
And we left cuz that's what Gentlemen do...

A woman has a right to a drink or two,
Without worryin' about what you will do!
We say Yo-HO but we don't say 'ho,'
Cuz 'ho' is disrespectful, yo.

Thar once was a girl from Leeds,
Who I heard was good on her knees,
So I docked my ship for an overnight trip,
To take care of all of my needs.
She was fine as the tales did tell,
And my mast began to swell,
So I laid her down and I raised her gown,
And performed cunnilingus for an hour or so.

Always take care of yer lady fair,
Cuz they deserve as much attention down there!
We say Yo-HO but we don't say 'ho,'
Cuz 'ho' is disrespectful, yo.

I once had a woman so fair,
Whose whom contained my heir,
With a son by my side, the seas we'd ride,
The child she would bear.
But my woman she was no fool,
She was working her way through school,
So I did support when she chose to abort,
Because it's her body and therefor her choice.

No we don't say 'booty' 'less we talkin' 'bout gold,
and we don't look at chests 'less they's treasure-holds!
With a hat and a feather and a cutlass on our hip,
We don't say 'she' when we're talking 'bout a ship!
We don't say 'bitch' and we don't say 'whore,'
Cuz that language leads to things like body dysmorphia.

Thar was a lady with a golden eye,
And the doctor said she would die,
So she emptied her purse to lift the curse,
And prayed to stay alive.
She awoke the very next day,
And in her grave she lay,
But the scariest part of the story from the start,
Is I bet you assumed the doctor was a man.

Women are doctors too,
And for a fraction of the doubloons!
We say Yo-HO but we don't say 'ho,'
Cuz 'ho' is disrespectful, yo.

Thar was a slut with tits to here, and an ass that- (gunshot. he is dead and that is good.)

Cuz it's Yo-HO but we don't say 'ho,'
Cuz 'ho' is disrespectful, yo."
posted by Navelgazer at 7:02 PM on July 9, 2015 [21 favorites]


And of course I don't catch the womb-whom error until just when the edit window closes... my shame...
posted by Navelgazer at 7:10 PM on July 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


I spent many formative years singing horrible, horrible chanteys - North Atlantic Squadron was probably my best, and I prided myself on coming with creatively ribald verses that weren't as sexist as the traditional ones. Looking back 10 years later I did ok but am ashamed of how bad they still are.*

This? This is phenomenal. I am going to be spending so much time over the next few long drives working on fully feminist verses to traditional songs like this. SO EXCITED.

On the issue of the female captain - I can see both sides and am unsure? Yes they seem like they're afraid of her, but it's a pirate ship! That is the trope, that they're ruled with an iron fist. Nevermind that the reality is that pirate ships were a lot more democratic than, say, european-flagged naval ships. It's the same with their cunnilingus class; in some ways it would have been funnier if it didn't turn out to be women running the show, but I'm not sure.

The rhyming and rhyme-breaking is just fine and screw you haters.

*although I stand by my verse about Her Excellency the Right Honourable Governor General. I mean, she served at Her Majesty's pleasure!
posted by Lemurrhea at 7:10 PM on July 9, 2015 [8 favorites]


tiny nitpick detail that I am more curious about than actually quibbling over: isn't barley wine really, really lightly alcoholic?
posted by NoraReed at 7:13 PM on July 9, 2015


8-12% ABV, per wikipedia.
posted by Navelgazer at 7:14 PM on July 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


post-edit window: a chantey is a hybrid of a chant and a shanty, because I'm a moron.
posted by Lemurrhea at 7:17 PM on July 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


Yeah, barleywine is a term for a style of super high alcohol beers. Traditionally 8-12%, though modern barleywines are almost always much closer to the 12% side.

(Also this is amazing)
posted by Itaxpica at 7:22 PM on July 9, 2015 [2 favorites]


OH i was thinking of barley water
posted by NoraReed at 7:26 PM on July 9, 2015 [2 favorites]


The rhyming thing was pretty clearly breaking meter for comedic effect.

I totally get that and love it even in serious songs, when it's done for variety as much as humor. I do think they hammered on it in this sketch though. A little bit goes a long away, when it's the punchline, though I'm very fond of singers who do it consistently (Rickie Lee Jones, some Dylan, Springsteen's "Spirits in the Night," even some Counting Crows).
posted by msalt at 7:33 PM on July 9, 2015


Navelgazer, that was really nice of you. Thanks!
posted by Joe in Australia at 7:44 PM on July 9, 2015 [3 favorites]


I didn't experience the breaks in rhyme or meter as ruining the fun. I do feel like the people complaining about it are stepping on the fun a little.
posted by maxsparber at 7:58 PM on July 9, 2015 [4 favorites]


Well, part of the fun of musicals is being able to sing the song yourself. As you do, of course: it's considered quite a tribute to the lyricist and composer if members of the audience join in, particularly on the first night. It shows that the tune is a memorable one.

At least, that's the advice I generally give people visiting New York.
posted by Joe in Australia at 8:30 PM on July 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


Lemurrhea, you must share your rewritten feminist chanteys once you finish them, please!
posted by nicebookrack at 8:38 PM on July 9, 2015 [5 favorites]


True story: A few years ago I was riding on the monorail at Walt Disney World headed to the Magic Kingdom, and overheard a conversation between two mothers. The one was saying, "...oh, at our house we change the lyrics to 'yo, yo, yo, yo, a pirate's life for me' because we don't like using the word 'ho'."

She said it in a completely sincere tone of voice. I had to stifle a gigglesnort, for fear of suffering the Wrath of Mom.
posted by Lokheed at 9:33 PM on July 9, 2015 [4 favorites]


I have no idea what Dragon Age is but as the mother of an Isabela, I think I like it.
posted by Wantok at 10:02 PM on July 9, 2015


we don't like using the word 'ho'."

Obviously not someone who enjoys gardening, then.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:20 PM on July 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


"No, sweetie, in this family we call those 'angled soil breakers.'"
posted by Pater Aletheias at 5:30 AM on July 10, 2015 [13 favorites]


I actually prefer an interpretation of them being in a tavern while the ship is in port, and they all deeply admire their badass captain and have been workshopping the song for months, but they are kind of worried about her hearing it for the first time (what if she doesn't like it and they get keelhauled?????), so this is another rehearsal with a plan to finesse some of the lyrics afterward.

And it's all going really well, and then the guy (NOT from their ship, obviously) sings about tits and BOOM and their boss is there and what will she do? What will she say? Will she kill all of them and recruit a new group of sea dogs?

Nope, she likes the song, she sings along, and everything is wonderful. YAYYYYYY

(also fun: imagining this as a Pirate Jenny spin-off, because that is one of the greatest songs of gleeful revenge against misogyny in the history of the world.)
posted by a fiendish thingy at 6:14 AM on July 10, 2015 [18 favorites]


Some people find it funny and some people find it not-so-funny or even anti-humorous. You can't all be right! Please squabble about it until we know definitively whether the thing is funny or not.
posted by Wolfdog at 6:46 AM on July 10, 2015 [5 favorites]


The doctor verse is, hands down, the best part.
posted by graventy at 8:54 AM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


Well, I don't know about y'all, but I would definitely draxx them sklounst.

[Oh, wait sorry. Wrong skit.]
posted by zakur at 1:28 PM on July 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


a chantry: a pantry of chanteys
posted by brainwane at 3:11 PM on July 10, 2015


I just can't get over my excitement that he's playing a treble viola da gamba! I can't wait to tell everyone when I go to the nation's largest gathering of viol players in a couple of weeks!

(yes that's a real thing)
posted by Thomas Tallis is my Homeboy at 6:15 PM on July 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


I maaaaaay have been singing this all afternoon while doing yardwork.
posted by Nibbly Fang at 10:50 PM on July 10, 2015


Since nobody else supplied one, here's an attempt at a feminist shanty. A poor effort but mine own etc.

What shall we do with a drunken sailor
What shall we do with a drunken sailor
What shall we do with a drunken sailor
Ear-lie in the morning?

Check to see she's feeling OK
Check to see she's feeling OK
Check to see she's feeling OK
Ear-lie in the morning!

(chorus)
Weigh, hey, and up she rises
If you're drinking good advice is
Stay with friends and avoid surprises
Ear-lie in the morning!

Hold her hair back if she vomits ...
Ask her friends to bring her home ...
Call 911 if she's unconscious ...
Place her in the recovery position [...]
posted by Joe in Australia at 5:17 AM on July 11, 2015 [9 favorites]


Away, away with fife and drum,
Here we come, full of rum
Looking for women in c'md p'sitions
In the North Atlantic Squadron

I knew a girl from P.E.I.
She spread her legs from sea to sky
And all she got was a bunch of high-fives
From the North Atlantic Squadron

When we were 10 miles out to sea
The pilot started buggery
The law of the land says that this isn't banned
In the North Atlantic Squadron
posted by Lemurrhea at 10:02 AM on July 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


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