February 27, 2002

12:17 PM

Amy Fisher vs. Tonya Harding The good people at FOX have put together another award winning special. 3 boxing matches featuring Danny Bonaduce vs. Greg Williams (Brady), Tonya vs. Amy and a third bout to be named later. Isn't this a sign of the apocolypse??
posted by Lanternjmk (41 comments total)

Boxing? Why not mud wrestling?
posted by jfuller at 12:33 PM on February 27, 2002

I don't think Amy has any chance at all against Tonya, but I guess that's not really the point.
posted by anapestic at 12:34 PM on February 27, 2002

It certainly is a sign of the apocalypse. The third bout should be Monica Lewinsky vs. Anna Nicole Smith.
posted by evanizer at 12:38 PM on February 27, 2002

I would pay more to see Monica and Anna Nicole than I would to see Tyson/Lewis.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:46 PM on February 27, 2002

How about Kato vs. Johnnie Cochran? Or Mathowie vs. Jim Romensko?
posted by ColdChef at 12:47 PM on February 27, 2002

I think the third bout should be Ben Affleck v. Matt Damon. At least there'd be some visual appeal.
posted by anapestic at 12:47 PM on February 27, 2002

Isn't this a sign of the apocolypse??

Next on FOX: When Apocalyptic Horsemen Attack!
posted by iceberg273 at 12:48 PM on February 27, 2002

Good matches;
Tony Danza vs. Ted Dansen
Rosanne Barr vs. Rosie O'Donnell
Condict vs. Clinton
Webster vs Mini Me
Bea Arthur vs. Dame Edna

I wonder if Shawn Eckbert will club Amy Fisher's knee before the match (sorry, someone had to nab the bad, obvious joke)
posted by Werd7 at 12:50 PM on February 27, 2002

I don't get that last one, e-v.

But I tell ya... this show will do gangbusters- fuck, I plan on watching! They were talking about it on the Bob Rivers show this morning, and they implied the show's name would actually be the what-you'd-expect-but-only-as-a-joke title of "When Celebrities Attack". The USA Today says this as a joke, but doesn't give an official name for the planned episode.

I swear, though- Fox should be forced by law to only be broadcast on channel 23...
posted by hincandenza at 12:50 PM on February 27, 2002

There's a certain cynical brilliance to this idea.

Jamie Farr vs. William Christopher! No one leaves the ring alive, no matter what.
posted by Skot at 12:51 PM on February 27, 2002

Possible future fighters include Paula Jones and Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?'s Darva Conger.

Darva Conger?

Next on FOX: People Who Just Never Learn!
posted by etc. at 1:19 PM on February 27, 2002

And later tonight we'll have FoxNews commentators blaming popular entertainment for corrupting good solid American values.

Fox: Arms Merchant in the Culture Wars.
posted by dglynn at 1:27 PM on February 27, 2002

It's the people who watch that make them keep pushing the envelope back.
posted by Hildago at 1:43 PM on February 27, 2002

I'd pay to get in the ring with Danny Bonaduce.

Next on Fox: When Your Fifteen Minutes Have Long Been Up!
posted by RakDaddy at 1:47 PM on February 27, 2002

Hmm..

Never let it be said that American TV has sunk to the depths of populist crap... ;-)
posted by salmacis at 1:49 PM on February 27, 2002

John Ashcroft vs Janet Reno ?
posted by panopticon at 1:49 PM on February 27, 2002

Carrot Top vs. Gallagher vs. Jeff Foxworthy.

with chainsaws.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:53 PM on February 27, 2002

Rupert Murdoch vs. 4 hungry bears?
posted by Settle at 1:58 PM on February 27, 2002

Hey you guys!. . .Tonya has to make a living too!. . .she just got evicted for non-payment of rent. . .

Admit it. . there's a part of you that wants that bad girl!
posted by Danf at 2:05 PM on February 27, 2002

Danf, Tonya's cool and all, but she's never shot anybody in the face!

My money's on Fisher.
posted by etc. at 2:19 PM on February 27, 2002

Okay, this is going to be lame, because it's not as funny as when you hear it in person, so I suggest you try it out on your Significant Other or a Co-Worker.

My favorite joke:

You: Knock, knock.

Them: Who's there?

You: Amy Fisher!

Them: Amy Fisher wh--

You (interrupting): BLAM! (with finger pointed like a gun)

HAHAHAHAHA!(note, I only find this funny because she didn't die. If she would have died, this would not have been funny.)
posted by ColdChef at 2:34 PM on February 27, 2002

I'd buy that for a dollar!
posted by chuq at 2:38 PM on February 27, 2002

god i hate FOX.
posted by Hugh2d2 at 2:43 PM on February 27, 2002

Rosanne Arnold vs. Rosanne Barr
Prince vs. the 'artist' formerly known as Prince

haha I'm funny...
posted by plaino at 2:54 PM on February 27, 2002

How about Nancy Kerrigan Vs Tonya Harding?

Oh wait, did that already, didn't we? One busted knee, and some legal trouble was the outcome, iirc....
posted by tomcosgrave at 3:23 PM on February 27, 2002

I'm holding out for the ultimate battle royale:

Ted Nugent vs Morrissey
posted by jonmc at 3:32 PM on February 27, 2002

I'm holding out for the ultimate battle royale:

Ted Nugent vs Morrissey
posted by jonmc at 3:32 PM on February 27, 2002

Complete with rematch! whoops.
posted by jonmc at 3:33 PM on February 27, 2002

Now perhaps I understand why Punch & Judy was so popular during Napoleon's time. Human beings need to be able to laugh in the face of adversity - see violence as something stupid to respond to with humor. Still, in recent days I've found myself feeling even less comfortable with violence than I used to be, even when the intent is just to entertain.

I'd rather see many of the above people compete on an episode of Fear Factor. Amy Fisher eating bull's testicles. Danny Bonaduce with his ass hanging out of a helicopter over water screaming like a madman. Tonya Harding upside down in a water tank for five minutes. I don't wanna see them fighting each other. I just want to see them under a little duress. And they'd be playing for charity so it's all for a good cause.

With that in mind, I would still be interested in seeing Dick Clark and Joan Rivers beating the living pulp out of one another. The other combos above don't really interest me much. And if they could be using the severed limbs of Alex Trebeck to beat each other up with, I'd pay to see that.
posted by ZachsMind at 3:57 PM on February 27, 2002

I see, within the decade, Fox featuring a "Cut off your pinky for a million dollars" show.

Mark my words.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:37 PM on February 27, 2002

Don't they already have that show in Japan, Kafka?
posted by ZachsMind at 4:47 PM on February 27, 2002

I'm thinking more meta, along the lines of The World's Scariest Police Chases which End in Animals Attacking Washed-Up Celebrities as They Attempt to Gorge Themselves for $100,000. I don't know about you, but I'd pay to see a cop car crash into a cage, releasing several rabid pit bulls, which immediately attack that Steve Urkel guy as he chokes down his fourth stick of butter!
posted by Danelope at 5:07 PM on February 27, 2002

Fox is on 23 in upstate new york.
posted by goneill at 5:15 PM on February 27, 2002

What? No Monica vs Linda Tripp? That's your natural line up right there. I had a variant concept--Celebrity Stage Hogs:
Liza Minnelli, Diana Ross, Barbra Streisand. Three divas, one stage, one mike. And uh one and a two and a three....
posted by y2karl at 5:58 PM on February 27, 2002

For this they dumped Family Guy?
posted by schmedeman at 8:31 PM on February 27, 2002

Danny Bonaduce - 04/1991 Arizona - Arrested for beating and robbing a 300 pound female transvestite prostitute who had performed oral sex on him and later discovered that he was man. ---scroll down

I wonder if this will be used in Fox's pre-fight advertising?
posted by Eric Lloyd NYC at 8:38 PM on February 27, 2002

Actually, Bonaduce has a top-rated morning radio show here in LA that's supposed to be syndicated soon as well as a syndicated tv show
posted by owillis at 9:00 PM on February 27, 2002

Yup, in my market you have a choice of "girl View" or "boy View". (That's the concept of their show, except they forgot a) to hire interesting people b) to test them for actual chemistry beforehand.)

Eric: he's cleaned up his act -- he found a woman to marry, and was born-again. Credits her with saving his life every time the egg-timer rings.

As for Fox, they should have a tourney of Bill's Babes. First round - Gennifer and Monica. Second round, challengers: Paula and Kate. They work their way up until the winner advances to fight the megaboss level: Hill. Don't go in without power-ups!
posted by dhartung at 9:58 PM on February 27, 2002

I think there's going to be a backlash against extreme Japanavision-esque programming. What truly frightens me is what it will be replaced with. Has anyone noticed that Survivor contestants are getting prettier with each series? Eventually they'll just turn loose a gaggle of supermodels in heels on a desert island.

[obligatory eating disorder joke here]
posted by mecran01 at 5:13 AM on February 28, 2002

Please tell me I'm hallucinating this entire thread.
posted by alumshubby at 11:43 AM on February 28, 2002

The danny bonaduce show once called me to be on their pannel. but I had a math test so I couldnt' go.

But I think that alumshubby is way correct in his/her wish.
posted by goneill at 1:45 PM on February 28, 2002