Bulldog + box
August 10, 2015 4:03 PM Subscribe
Scientifically minded bulldog seeks to answer the age-old question: "Is it possible to walk around holding a box in front of your face?"
Answer: Not really.
Trigger warning: Filmed in portrait mode.
Answer: Not really.
Trigger warning: Filmed in portrait mode.
I am going to use this whenever people on facebook gets into one of those "no one can win this" arguments on facebook. I suspect I will be posting this a lot come 2016.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 4:21 PM on August 10, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by [insert clever name here] at 4:21 PM on August 10, 2015 [6 favorites]
Trigger warning: Filmed in portrait mode.
Scientifically minded human seeks to answer the same age-old question.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:22 PM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
Scientifically minded human seeks to answer the same age-old question.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:22 PM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
(I like to think the dog is mocking the human.)
posted by Sys Rq at 4:25 PM on August 10, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by Sys Rq at 4:25 PM on August 10, 2015 [8 favorites]
Goddammit, there's nothing wrong with filming in portrait mode. Viewing portrait mode video in a player made to always be widescreen, that is a problem. The person recording this video by holding their phone in a natural grip is not the problem: youtube (up until recently), and nearly all other video players (still) are the problem.
The director gets to decide the aspect ratio, as has been established for over a century. If your screen doesn't fit the aspect ratio dictated by the director, either get a better fitting screen, or suck it up, buttercup. Having black bars on the screen was good when TVs were squarish and movies were wide, and they're good now for the same reason. The argument has not changed, just the common shape of our screens.
I'd be happier if phone cameras let you pic the shape (landscape wide (16:9), landscape narrow (4:3 or so), landscape extra-wide (2:1, maybe up to something awesome like 2.35:1), square, portrait short (3:4 maybe), and normal portrait (9:16)), and had a sensor that were appropriate for all of these shapes while also letting you hold your phone however is most comfortable. Camera apps could shove the video display region to the top of the phone screen so you can get a grip around the phone. There's room for improvement, but A) sometimes you need to film something that's more up-and-down than it is left-and-right, B) 99% of these videos, or more, will never be watched on a non-phone screen, and the players should be able to deal with orientations better, and C) squareish video is great for most single subjects, and adding a superfluity of video to the top and bottom is no worse than doing so to the left and right-- the director should be able to dump that stuff either way (it's not pan and scan if the director is doing it).
If your response to this takes any form of the argument that the video is not shaped like the thing you're viewing it on, I will dismiss you as a crank with control issues who wants a full screen at the expense of fine resolution. If you're going to invoke something about how wider images are more natural to look at because our eyes are side by side, or because of some evolution-based supposition, I will invite you to close one eye; it's all you need for 2D video, and the 3D will still happen in your brain.
posted by Sunburnt at 4:33 PM on August 10, 2015 [56 favorites]
The director gets to decide the aspect ratio, as has been established for over a century. If your screen doesn't fit the aspect ratio dictated by the director, either get a better fitting screen, or suck it up, buttercup. Having black bars on the screen was good when TVs were squarish and movies were wide, and they're good now for the same reason. The argument has not changed, just the common shape of our screens.
I'd be happier if phone cameras let you pic the shape (landscape wide (16:9), landscape narrow (4:3 or so), landscape extra-wide (2:1, maybe up to something awesome like 2.35:1), square, portrait short (3:4 maybe), and normal portrait (9:16)), and had a sensor that were appropriate for all of these shapes while also letting you hold your phone however is most comfortable. Camera apps could shove the video display region to the top of the phone screen so you can get a grip around the phone. There's room for improvement, but A) sometimes you need to film something that's more up-and-down than it is left-and-right, B) 99% of these videos, or more, will never be watched on a non-phone screen, and the players should be able to deal with orientations better, and C) squareish video is great for most single subjects, and adding a superfluity of video to the top and bottom is no worse than doing so to the left and right-- the director should be able to dump that stuff either way (it's not pan and scan if the director is doing it).
If your response to this takes any form of the argument that the video is not shaped like the thing you're viewing it on, I will dismiss you as a crank with control issues who wants a full screen at the expense of fine resolution. If you're going to invoke something about how wider images are more natural to look at because our eyes are side by side, or because of some evolution-based supposition, I will invite you to close one eye; it's all you need for 2D video, and the 3D will still happen in your brain.
posted by Sunburnt at 4:33 PM on August 10, 2015 [56 favorites]
This video is a perfect metaphor for the modern human condition.
Because, in a way, aren't we all just walking around with our phones turned the wrong way like dumbasses?
posted by Atom Eyes at 4:37 PM on August 10, 2015 [14 favorites]
Because, in a way, aren't we all just walking around with our phones turned the wrong way like dumbasses?
posted by Atom Eyes at 4:37 PM on August 10, 2015 [14 favorites]
Sunburnt, put the box down.
posted by Kabanos at 4:38 PM on August 10, 2015 [37 favorites]
posted by Kabanos at 4:38 PM on August 10, 2015 [37 favorites]
Someone cut hi some eye holes.
posted by cjorgensen at 4:40 PM on August 10, 2015
posted by cjorgensen at 4:40 PM on August 10, 2015
If your response to this takes any form of the argument that the video is not shaped like the thing you're viewing it on, I will dismiss you as a crank with control issues
My goodness. Speaking of cranks, I think someone could use a nap.
;)
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:41 PM on August 10, 2015 [12 favorites]
My goodness. Speaking of cranks, I think someone could use a nap.
;)
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:41 PM on August 10, 2015 [12 favorites]
On the plus side, W.B. Mason won't have to spend a fortune for their next Super Bowl ad.
posted by Smart Dalek at 4:42 PM on August 10, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Smart Dalek at 4:42 PM on August 10, 2015 [4 favorites]
> Sunburnt, put the box down.
I can't, I'm still standing on it.
posted by Sunburnt at 4:53 PM on August 10, 2015 [61 favorites]
I can't, I'm still standing on it.
posted by Sunburnt at 4:53 PM on August 10, 2015 [61 favorites]
Conclusion: no, no, no, well yes maybe? oof no, no, oh hey yes! oof yes! no, no, YES YES YES YES YES YES! no. no. halp.
posted by phunniemee at 4:53 PM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 4:53 PM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
You go, Sunburnt! Portrait-mode fussing is the "get off my lawn" of videography. Your sons and your daughters are beyond your command.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 4:55 PM on August 10, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 4:55 PM on August 10, 2015 [5 favorites]
My goodness. Speaking of cranks, I think someone could use a nap.
Or a box attached to the face.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:59 PM on August 10, 2015 [5 favorites]
Or a box attached to the face.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:59 PM on August 10, 2015 [5 favorites]
oh god watching an unleashed dog walk around in a parking lot makes me really really tense GET THAT PRECIOUS CREATURE AWAY FROM THOSE GIANT MACHINES OF DEATH
posted by poffin boffin at 5:27 PM on August 10, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 5:27 PM on August 10, 2015 [8 favorites]
He's like a roomba.
posted by Mavri at 5:42 PM on August 10, 2015 [20 favorites]
posted by Mavri at 5:42 PM on August 10, 2015 [20 favorites]
Thank you, Sunburnt, for enabling me to feel superior to all of those people feeling superior to people filming in portrait mode. Life is so good!
posted by ropeladder at 5:45 PM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by ropeladder at 5:45 PM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
Box. Apply directly to the forehead.
Box. Apply directly to the forehead.
Box. Apply directly to the forehead.
posted by brundlefly at 5:56 PM on August 10, 2015 [15 favorites]
Box. Apply directly to the forehead.
Box. Apply directly to the forehead.
posted by brundlefly at 5:56 PM on August 10, 2015 [15 favorites]
But did he ever go potty?
That's what I kept waiting for because the minute my girl hit the grass she would have squatted, box or no box. I guess some some dogs just live to mark their territory and others are more interested in walking around with a box on their face.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:01 PM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
That's what I kept waiting for because the minute my girl hit the grass she would have squatted, box or no box. I guess some some dogs just live to mark their territory and others are more interested in walking around with a box on their face.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:01 PM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
We shall carry our box on the beaches, we shall carry it on the landing grounds, we shall carry it in the fields and in the suburban developments, we shall carry it in the car-parks; we shall never surrender.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:02 PM on August 10, 2015 [21 favorites]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:02 PM on August 10, 2015 [21 favorites]
oh god watching an unleashed dog walk around in a parking lot makes me really really tense GET THAT PRECIOUS CREATURE AWAY FROM THOSE GIANT MACHINES OF DEATH
I would never advise anyone to read the comments, so I took one for the team. The owner, in response to someone with the same concern: "He's in a contained parking lot. Diesel comes to work with me every day."
posted by mudpuppie at 6:12 PM on August 10, 2015 [6 favorites]
I would never advise anyone to read the comments, so I took one for the team. The owner, in response to someone with the same concern: "He's in a contained parking lot. Diesel comes to work with me every day."
posted by mudpuppie at 6:12 PM on August 10, 2015 [6 favorites]
Much bucket
Very please hoomin
So dark
Very please
posted by bleep at 7:24 PM on August 10, 2015 [6 favorites]
Very please hoomin
So dark
Very please
posted by bleep at 7:24 PM on August 10, 2015 [6 favorites]
99% of these videos, or more, will never be watched on a non-phone screen
I hear some people have places they go to sometimes where, in exchange for currency, they look at glowing rectangles that are kind of like big sideways phones, and pretend to do something called "work."
posted by Sys Rq at 7:30 PM on August 10, 2015 [10 favorites]
I hear some people have places they go to sometimes where, in exchange for currency, they look at glowing rectangles that are kind of like big sideways phones, and pretend to do something called "work."
posted by Sys Rq at 7:30 PM on August 10, 2015 [10 favorites]
You pay money to go to work? PERVERT.
posted by RustyBrooks at 7:48 PM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by RustyBrooks at 7:48 PM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
Yes. To the government.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:18 PM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Sys Rq at 8:18 PM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
This is not doing much to disabuse me of the notion that bulldogs are not the sharpest tools in the doggie shed.
posted by drlith at 8:19 PM on August 10, 2015
posted by drlith at 8:19 PM on August 10, 2015
This is the funniest damn thing I've seen all week. And I'm not talking about the portrait vs. landscape argument.
posted by straight at 8:21 PM on August 10, 2015
posted by straight at 8:21 PM on August 10, 2015
Diesel, you walk around with that box over your face as much as you want. You deserve that box! (His saunter! So great!)
Plus, his name is Diesel, which is what a bulldog should be named.
posted by darksong at 8:21 PM on August 10, 2015 [6 favorites]
Plus, his name is Diesel, which is what a bulldog should be named.
posted by darksong at 8:21 PM on August 10, 2015 [6 favorites]
Will no one cut some eye holes for that dog? No one?
Also: yes, it is possible to walk while holding a box in front of your face. No, it is not possible to do it without running into things.
posted by amtho at 8:28 PM on August 10, 2015
Also: yes, it is possible to walk while holding a box in front of your face. No, it is not possible to do it without running into things.
posted by amtho at 8:28 PM on August 10, 2015
This made me laugh so hard I puked, a combination I did not think was possible after the age of, like, two.
posted by everybody had matching towels at 8:39 PM on August 10, 2015 [15 favorites]
posted by everybody had matching towels at 8:39 PM on August 10, 2015 [15 favorites]
Much bucket
Very please hoomin
Did you say BUCKET?!
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:48 PM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Very please hoomin
Did you say BUCKET?!
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:48 PM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
I guess I kind of feel like that film school student who has watched Citizen Kane eleven bajillion times and has to rhapsodize about the very best trick shot that Gregg Toland framed and that no one ever noticed, because I need to point out that the first (and not last!) appearance of the eye holes is right around 2:25, and that the fact that they're even there (on top AND bottom) is the best thing about this damn video.
posted by mudpuppie at 8:59 PM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by mudpuppie at 8:59 PM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
I clicked on the link and started whispering "oh nooooo" before I realized I was still on a call with my mother who started asking me what was the matter until I sent her the video and now we are both watching and whispering "nooooo puppy no you keep running into that car whyyyy" to each other 😩😨 We are so obviously related
posted by Hermione Granger at 10:33 PM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by Hermione Granger at 10:33 PM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
This reminds me of one of my friends who always, always, always has to do things her way, even when her way is profoundly pointless and much harder than it needs to be.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 10:58 PM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 10:58 PM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
This bulldog is doing a great job of doing what bulldogs were specifically bred to do, which is:
HOLD ON TO THE THING AND DON'T LET GO OF THE THING! NO MATTER WHAT, KEEP HOLDING THE THING!
posted by LEGO Damashii at 12:57 AM on August 11, 2015 [8 favorites]
HOLD ON TO THE THING AND DON'T LET GO OF THE THING! NO MATTER WHAT, KEEP HOLDING THE THING!
posted by LEGO Damashii at 12:57 AM on August 11, 2015 [8 favorites]
Will no one cut some eye holes for that dog? No one?
At ca. 2:30 and 2:38 he walks by a box lid which has eye holes (ironically in widescreen ratio) cut out.
Looks like he was trained to do that walking with a box lid in front of his face.
/party pooper
posted by ojemine at 2:07 AM on August 11, 2015
At ca. 2:30 and 2:38 he walks by a box lid which has eye holes (ironically in widescreen ratio) cut out.
Looks like he was trained to do that walking with a box lid in front of his face.
/party pooper
posted by ojemine at 2:07 AM on August 11, 2015
oh, mudpuppie saw it before. should read all the comments before commenting...
posted by ojemine at 2:09 AM on August 11, 2015
posted by ojemine at 2:09 AM on August 11, 2015
Trigger warning: Filmed in portrait mode.
Man, I love watching people go absolutely ape over that. So much so that I've pledged to only film in portrait. Because if that's what pisses you off? You frankly deserve to be pissed off.
As to this dog? This, kids, is why selective breeding can bad, but why dogs can be good.
Somebody, though, needs to get this dog the bestest gift in the world.
A box top with holes cut in it.
f your screen doesn't fit the aspect ratio dictated by the director, either get a better fitting screen, or suck it up, buttercup.
WHY don't you suck it, buttercup baby or close the vid, that's what they did and you whine so much...
posted by eriko at 4:32 AM on August 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Man, I love watching people go absolutely ape over that. So much so that I've pledged to only film in portrait. Because if that's what pisses you off? You frankly deserve to be pissed off.
As to this dog? This, kids, is why selective breeding can bad, but why dogs can be good.
Somebody, though, needs to get this dog the bestest gift in the world.
A box top with holes cut in it.
f your screen doesn't fit the aspect ratio dictated by the director, either get a better fitting screen, or suck it up, buttercup.
WHY don't you suck it, buttercup baby or close the vid, that's what they did and you whine so much...
posted by eriko at 4:32 AM on August 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Metafilter: I will dismiss you as a crank with control issues.
posted by Naberius at 6:31 AM on August 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Naberius at 6:31 AM on August 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
I don't think the box with eye holes is evidence the dog has been trained to carry around a box lid. I can imagine them trying to get Diesel to carry around the eyehole'd box instead, but having him go back to the uncut box every time. Because dogs gotta dog.
posted by chowflap at 6:43 AM on August 11, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by chowflap at 6:43 AM on August 11, 2015 [7 favorites]
A lot of people are thinking the dog is dumb for walking around with a box in front of its face.
But you see, we are the dummies, because the dog has his box, and for those few minutes, while the dog has his box, everything is as the doggie world should be, because the dog has his box. And all other things such as trees, walls, and tires are just tears in the rain, compared to the relationship between the dog, and his box, and the box and the dog.
At least until the squeaky not-a-rat-toy shows up.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 7:40 AM on August 11, 2015 [4 favorites]
But you see, we are the dummies, because the dog has his box, and for those few minutes, while the dog has his box, everything is as the doggie world should be, because the dog has his box. And all other things such as trees, walls, and tires are just tears in the rain, compared to the relationship between the dog, and his box, and the box and the dog.
At least until the squeaky not-a-rat-toy shows up.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 7:40 AM on August 11, 2015 [4 favorites]
> I hear some people have places they go to sometimes where, in exchange for currency, they look at glowing rectangles that are kind of like big sideways phones, and pretend to do something called "work."
I suppose that's true for the videos that make it to youtube, or facebook. And their screens share a ratio with sideways phones primarily because people don't know that their monitors can be usefully rotated, unless they're afflicted with a laptop.
> WHY don't you suck it, buttercup baby or close the vid, that's what they did and you whine so much...
It's not the video I'm complaining about. #AllAspectRatiosAreBeautiful
posted by Sunburnt at 9:05 AM on August 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
I suppose that's true for the videos that make it to youtube, or facebook. And their screens share a ratio with sideways phones primarily because people don't know that their monitors can be usefully rotated, unless they're afflicted with a laptop.
> WHY don't you suck it, buttercup baby or close the vid, that's what they did and you whine so much...
It's not the video I'm complaining about. #AllAspectRatiosAreBeautiful
posted by Sunburnt at 9:05 AM on August 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
Given the advent of chromecast and the ubiquity of phones as remote controls, we do most of our Youtubery on the big idiot box in the living room now. Indeed, LN almost fell off her chair when we watched this last night.
The vertical aspect phonecam is still really dorky on a 54" widescreen.
posted by bonehead at 9:37 AM on August 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
The vertical aspect phonecam is still really dorky on a 54" widescreen.
posted by bonehead at 9:37 AM on August 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
I can't believe this turned into a thread about aspect ratios instead of endless links to dog videos. What's happened to you, MetaFilter?
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 1:21 PM on August 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 1:21 PM on August 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
That balloon video is amazing. I didn't know it was a thing dogs did. Is there a world record for something like this? Because that dog seems like it would be the record holder.
posted by thewumpusisdead at 2:33 PM on August 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by thewumpusisdead at 2:33 PM on August 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Aspect ratio snobbery aside, I find something really off-putting and disconcerting about a shaky, handheld video shot in portrait. More so than landscape, I mean. I suspect a well-composed video shot in that format would be a-okay by me.
posted by brundlefly at 4:37 PM on August 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by brundlefly at 4:37 PM on August 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
the feline faction weighs in on this video
posted by idiopath at 7:07 AM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by idiopath at 7:07 AM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
> Plus, his name is Diesel, which is what a bulldog should be named.
Years ago a friend had a bulldog-lookin' dog (they said it was a pug, but this dog's tank-like appearance was incongruous with pugs I've known since) named "Stonewall" which is a great name for such a stocky and stout beast.
The story goes that the original owner had named him "Snowball" at birth, because of his nearly all-white coat. He grew into an affectionate little monster with a face only a mother could love, and only then if she looked away, and my friend's family, the new owners, couldn't call him Snowball with a straight face, so they had to give him a name that sounded close.
posted by Sunburnt at 10:09 AM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
Years ago a friend had a bulldog-lookin' dog (they said it was a pug, but this dog's tank-like appearance was incongruous with pugs I've known since) named "Stonewall" which is a great name for such a stocky and stout beast.
The story goes that the original owner had named him "Snowball" at birth, because of his nearly all-white coat. He grew into an affectionate little monster with a face only a mother could love, and only then if she looked away, and my friend's family, the new owners, couldn't call him Snowball with a straight face, so they had to give him a name that sounded close.
posted by Sunburnt at 10:09 AM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm so torn. I'm not a big fan of portrait aspect ratio. But some people get really pissed off about it, so much that it's ridiculous, and makes me want to film stuff in portrait just to wind them up. But them some other people get really pissed off at the people who get pissed off about portrait, so much that it's ridiculous, and makes me want to complain about stuff being filmed in portrait just to wind them up.
Maybe I should just film everything in Dutch angles and insist that my videos should be watched on tilted monitors and phones.
posted by Bugbread at 6:07 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Maybe I should just film everything in Dutch angles and insist that my videos should be watched on tilted monitors and phones.
posted by Bugbread at 6:07 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
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