M.E. called, says that's the third kid died snorting cool ranch doritos.
August 28, 2015 8:41 AM Subscribe
Absolutely true plotlines from the latest season of Law & Order SVU. [single link imgur album]
This is from http://liartownusa.tumblr.com, which should be read in its entirety.
posted by The Lamplighter at 8:50 AM on August 28, 2015 [22 favorites]
posted by The Lamplighter at 8:50 AM on August 28, 2015 [22 favorites]
Thank you! Didn't know about the original link :)
posted by phunniemee at 8:52 AM on August 28, 2015
posted by phunniemee at 8:52 AM on August 28, 2015
As a LiarTownUSA fan I would be remiss if I did not direct you to this:
Antonin Scalia: Shameful Dawn (note that a lot of LiarTown stuff is potentially NSFW).
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:59 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
Antonin Scalia: Shameful Dawn (note that a lot of LiarTown stuff is potentially NSFW).
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:59 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
Also, these are made better by the fact I'm hearing Ice-T's voice in my head when I'm reading them.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:00 AM on August 28, 2015 [20 favorites]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:00 AM on August 28, 2015 [20 favorites]
The crazy things those kids at Hudson University are up to...
posted by drezdn at 9:02 AM on August 28, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by drezdn at 9:02 AM on August 28, 2015 [9 favorites]
the thing is, if Ice-T walked up to you and tell you some crazy shit in that detective voice of his, you'd believe anything.
posted by numaner at 9:03 AM on August 28, 2015 [16 favorites]
posted by numaner at 9:03 AM on August 28, 2015 [16 favorites]
Liartown USA is so good. I was going to link to The What? How? Wonder Book of Horsecrime, and scrolled down to see the under-appreciated Rattt Kinggg promo photo, and realized there is nothing bad here.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:03 AM on August 28, 2015 [15 favorites]
posted by filthy light thief at 9:03 AM on August 28, 2015 [15 favorites]
SVU is my guilty, guilty pleasure, largely because the initial chemistry between Ice-T and Richard Belzer was strangely compelling. Ice is usually Exposition Guy for a lot of stuff (unless you need to explain some fetish or psychological issue, then it's B.D. Wong) so it makes total sense that he's the one depicted saying all of these.
Actually, one of my favorite SVU moments ever followed an Ice-is-Exposition-Guy speech; he explains the whole mindset behind being "on the down-low", then sees everyone else looking at him funny and adds, "hey, don't look at me, I just know stuff!"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:04 AM on August 28, 2015 [18 favorites]
Actually, one of my favorite SVU moments ever followed an Ice-is-Exposition-Guy speech; he explains the whole mindset behind being "on the down-low", then sees everyone else looking at him funny and adds, "hey, don't look at me, I just know stuff!"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:04 AM on August 28, 2015 [18 favorites]
TEARS. Holy shit. TEARS OF LAUGHTER.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:06 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:06 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
I would imagine each delivered before the DUN DUN act break.
posted by codacorolla at 9:06 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by codacorolla at 9:06 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
Coworkers are wondering why I have tears running down my face. Safe for work be damned, this is what caused this latest fit.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:07 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:07 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
+5 points to who ever can get a local news station to do a "parent scare" story on one of these.
posted by drezdn at 9:08 AM on August 28, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by drezdn at 9:08 AM on August 28, 2015 [12 favorites]
SVU is my guilty, guilty pleasure, largely because the initial chemistry between Ice-T and Richard Belzer was strangely compelling.
But yeah, totally agree with you on this. As an old-school Briscoe and Logan loyalist, when they cast this Belzer and Ice-T together, I went "Hell yes. More please."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:08 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
But yeah, totally agree with you on this. As an old-school Briscoe and Logan loyalist, when they cast this Belzer and Ice-T together, I went "Hell yes. More please."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:08 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
Comedian John Mulaney has a bit about SVU and Ice T that rags on Ice T figuring out disturbing crimes.
posted by dios at 9:09 AM on August 28, 2015 [17 favorites]
posted by dios at 9:09 AM on August 28, 2015 [17 favorites]
I would imagine each delivered before the DUN DUN act break.
Nah, that's either Hargitay looking at Meloni, nonplussed and mouth slightly agape, or Meloni looking at Hargitay and squintfrowning. Ice-T usually has his moments after the commercial break.
Ice is definitely the token exposition guy. My favorite is from the Gamer Gate episode from last season when he, a solid 15-20 years older now than any of the non-Hargitay cast, was the resident expert on the underground video game scene.
posted by phunniemee at 9:11 AM on August 28, 2015 [10 favorites]
Nah, that's either Hargitay looking at Meloni, nonplussed and mouth slightly agape, or Meloni looking at Hargitay and squintfrowning. Ice-T usually has his moments after the commercial break.
Ice is definitely the token exposition guy. My favorite is from the Gamer Gate episode from last season when he, a solid 15-20 years older now than any of the non-Hargitay cast, was the resident expert on the underground video game scene.
posted by phunniemee at 9:11 AM on August 28, 2015 [10 favorites]
Sweet Chowder sounds incredible though.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:13 AM on August 28, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:13 AM on August 28, 2015 [4 favorites]
I do not know why but I laughed loudly out loud at Poorly Drawn Mammals of the Pacific Northwest
posted by GuyZero at 9:16 AM on August 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by GuyZero at 9:16 AM on August 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
Sweet Chowder sounds incredible though.
Not to be confused with Dessert Chowder.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:17 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
Not to be confused with Dessert Chowder.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:17 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
I visualize this one: Kid's drugged, wakes up in a sauna. Five guys shine lights in his eyes and tells him he's trapped on the sun.
And I can't stop laughing. The Ice-T voice makes it.
posted by skewed at 9:21 AM on August 28, 2015 [12 favorites]
And I can't stop laughing. The Ice-T voice makes it.
posted by skewed at 9:21 AM on August 28, 2015 [12 favorites]
Then there's the other Ice-T thing on the show - on the times when someone else is Exposition Guy, you always see him frown and then say, "'at's messed up."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:25 AM on August 28, 2015 [13 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:25 AM on August 28, 2015 [13 favorites]
What's genius about it is not just that they're surreal and hilarious, it's how well that deflates the never-ending supply of minutely different forms of grim awfulness shows like SVU actually serve up on a regular basis. I am reminded of Mandy Patinkin explaining why he left the similarly-toned Criminal Minds: "The biggest public mistake I ever made was that I chose to do Criminal Minds in the first place. I thought it was something very different. I never thought they were going to kill and rape all these women every night, every day, week after week, year after year. It was very destructive to my soul and my personality."
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:27 AM on August 28, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:27 AM on August 28, 2015 [7 favorites]
Ice is definitely the token exposition guy. My favorite is from the Gamer Gate episode from last season when he, a solid 15-20 years older now than any of the non-Hargitay cast, was the resident expert on the underground video game scene.
Oh, ABOUT THAT.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:27 AM on August 28, 2015 [20 favorites]
Oh, ABOUT THAT.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:27 AM on August 28, 2015 [20 favorites]
My favorite thing about SVU is counting how many acts it takes from the time Benson or Stabler tells a witness "don't worry, we'll protect you" to when that witness dies horribly off-screen.
posted by dr_dank at 9:30 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by dr_dank at 9:30 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
Oh, ABOUT THAT.
Just got a call from the coroner. Vic's stomach contents were literally a bag of dicks.
posted by phunniemee at 9:31 AM on August 28, 2015 [22 favorites]
Just got a call from the coroner. Vic's stomach contents were literally a bag of dicks.
posted by phunniemee at 9:31 AM on August 28, 2015 [22 favorites]
> Ice is definitely the token exposition guy. My favorite is from the Gamer Gate episode from last season when he, a solid 15-20 years older now than any of the non-Hargitay cast, was the resident expert on the underground video game scene.
Oh, ABOUT THAT.
god help me every time i imagine ice-t growling "EAT A DICK" at g-gaters it makes me giggle
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:32 AM on August 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
Oh, ABOUT THAT.
god help me every time i imagine ice-t growling "EAT A DICK" at g-gaters it makes me giggle
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:32 AM on August 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
My favorite thing about SVU is counting how many acts it takes from the time Benson or Stabler tells a witness "don't worry, we'll protect you" to when that witness dies horribly off-screen.
I'm partial to when they interrogate the obligatory red herring suspect who is actually totally inoocent (and therefore refuses to confess, THE FIEND) so brutally that he commits suicide.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:33 AM on August 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
I'm partial to when they interrogate the obligatory red herring suspect who is actually totally inoocent (and therefore refuses to confess, THE FIEND) so brutally that he commits suicide.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:33 AM on August 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
What's genius about it is not just that they're surreal and hilarious, it's how well that deflates the never-ending supply of minutely different forms of grim awfulness shows like SVU actually serve up on a regular basis.
I used to be a big fan of the L&O shows (I'll still watch them a bit when my wife is), but I've really gotten tired of the show's soft endorsement of police over-reach. For example, we watched a season 16 episode of SVU last night where there's a police officer in from Chicago who ruffs up a perp to get information. Olivia chastises him a bit, but then threatens the perp with more physical force, and the story is set up such that the violence and threat of more are the only way to get more information.
On the positive side, SVU will frequently have characters (currently its meathead cop guy that doesn't look vaguely like Donald O'Connor) mouth the worst victim-blaming and then having it quickly shot down.
posted by drezdn at 9:37 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
I used to be a big fan of the L&O shows (I'll still watch them a bit when my wife is), but I've really gotten tired of the show's soft endorsement of police over-reach. For example, we watched a season 16 episode of SVU last night where there's a police officer in from Chicago who ruffs up a perp to get information. Olivia chastises him a bit, but then threatens the perp with more physical force, and the story is set up such that the violence and threat of more are the only way to get more information.
On the positive side, SVU will frequently have characters (currently its meathead cop guy that doesn't look vaguely like Donald O'Connor) mouth the worst victim-blaming and then having it quickly shot down.
posted by drezdn at 9:37 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
The one SVU thing I can look forward to is a two or three-parter based on Josh Duggar.
posted by drezdn at 9:39 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by drezdn at 9:39 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
The one SVU thing I can look forward to is a two or three-parter based on Josh Duggar.
So, I watch a lot of SVU, and watch it on the local over-the-air syndication channel. (I think it's MeTV? Maybe?) Every commercial break, right after 15 commercials about products for women who can't poop, there's a teaser for the next episode of SVU they'll air, and the station voice prefaces every single one of them with "a story ripped from the headlines."
Except a few days ago, when they were airing a teaser for some episode starring Mary Steenburgen and Martha Plimpton, where Martha Plimpton had been carrying her dead sister's finger around in her purse for 16 years, and they changed it to "a story even wilder than the headlines."
posted by phunniemee at 9:45 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
So, I watch a lot of SVU, and watch it on the local over-the-air syndication channel. (I think it's MeTV? Maybe?) Every commercial break, right after 15 commercials about products for women who can't poop, there's a teaser for the next episode of SVU they'll air, and the station voice prefaces every single one of them with "a story ripped from the headlines."
Except a few days ago, when they were airing a teaser for some episode starring Mary Steenburgen and Martha Plimpton, where Martha Plimpton had been carrying her dead sister's finger around in her purse for 16 years, and they changed it to "a story even wilder than the headlines."
posted by phunniemee at 9:45 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
Sounds like they're making a U.S. version of Black Mirror.
posted by fuse theorem at 9:45 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by fuse theorem at 9:45 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
Oh, ABOUT THAT.
It's called a "lost boy." They take some poor kid playing Xbox from his house, pump him full of goofballs and force him to eat a sack of bratwurst telling him it's his family's dicks.
posted by griphus at 9:48 AM on August 28, 2015 [29 favorites]
It's called a "lost boy." They take some poor kid playing Xbox from his house, pump him full of goofballs and force him to eat a sack of bratwurst telling him it's his family's dicks.
posted by griphus at 9:48 AM on August 28, 2015 [29 favorites]
...right after 15 commercials about products for women who can't poop...
Magazine subscriptions, video game apps, that crossword puzzle wallapaper from Skymall.
posted by griphus at 9:49 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
Magazine subscriptions, video game apps, that crossword puzzle wallapaper from Skymall.
posted by griphus at 9:49 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
Magazine subscriptions, video game apps, that crossword puzzle wallapaper from Skymall.
Did you know they make pink laxatives? Because they make pink laxatives. And it's not like how they make pink benadryl, they make regular laxatives, and then they have the same laxatives except pink.
I should get a job.
posted by phunniemee at 9:54 AM on August 28, 2015 [11 favorites]
Did you know they make pink laxatives? Because they make pink laxatives. And it's not like how they make pink benadryl, they make regular laxatives, and then they have the same laxatives except pink.
I should get a job.
posted by phunniemee at 9:54 AM on August 28, 2015 [11 favorites]
Years ago a classmate of mine knew about my science background and thought I would enjoy the then-new CSI television program. A few minutes into my first attempt at watching an episode, the characters spoke about a person's exhalations containing carbon monoxide. Sigh...
posted by exogenous at 10:01 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by exogenous at 10:01 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Results came back from the lab. Excessively high levels of Red 27 and titanium dioxide chemically castrated our victim.
posted by phunniemee at 10:02 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 10:02 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
exogenous, you should watch ReGenesis.
posted by phunniemee at 10:03 AM on August 28, 2015
posted by phunniemee at 10:03 AM on August 28, 2015
but I've really gotten tired of the show's soft endorsement of police over-reach.
Has there ever been a cop show that portrays cops following the rules and over-reach and abuse as a bad thing?
They always have the rules and the bureaucracy depicted as pointless road blocks to real results, and if a cop has to beat a suspect or make a search without a warrant it's ultimately a good thing.
I guess The Shield was kind of about how that's bad, but that's only because the Strike Team went a little too far in their methods.
posted by Sangermaine at 10:05 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
Has there ever been a cop show that portrays cops following the rules and over-reach and abuse as a bad thing?
They always have the rules and the bureaucracy depicted as pointless road blocks to real results, and if a cop has to beat a suspect or make a search without a warrant it's ultimately a good thing.
I guess The Shield was kind of about how that's bad, but that's only because the Strike Team went a little too far in their methods.
posted by Sangermaine at 10:05 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
To be totally fair there's an episode of X-Files where Scully mentions to another medical doctor that "the enzyme acts as a catalyst."
posted by griphus at 10:06 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by griphus at 10:06 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
He's "Water-T" now, people.
Time to CRUNCH the numbers.
posted by SansPoint at 10:06 AM on August 28, 2015 [8 favorites]
Time to CRUNCH the numbers.
posted by SansPoint at 10:06 AM on August 28, 2015 [8 favorites]
The entire Law & Order series, and all cop dramas, end up being apologias for police misconduct. If the police are the heroes, then what they do is right, even if they screw up sometimes. You see their lives, their emotions, they are portrayed as generally decent people (except for a few clearly-marked Bad Cops). So all those people dying in jail or getting beaten up by angry cops in real life becomes harder for you to believe. All cop shows are propaganda so long as things are only shown from the cops' POV.
The sad thing about this blazing insight on my part is that it's already been said by so many others. Just this week, I ran across it in an essay by Angela Carter from the early 80s about Hill Street Blues.
(but also, I enjoyed this, because Ice-T so clearly enjoys his job and is happy to milk it for all its worth. Also he seldom is portrayed as the one beating up the suspects).
posted by emjaybee at 10:10 AM on August 28, 2015 [13 favorites]
The sad thing about this blazing insight on my part is that it's already been said by so many others. Just this week, I ran across it in an essay by Angela Carter from the early 80s about Hill Street Blues.
(but also, I enjoyed this, because Ice-T so clearly enjoys his job and is happy to milk it for all its worth. Also he seldom is portrayed as the one beating up the suspects).
posted by emjaybee at 10:10 AM on August 28, 2015 [13 favorites]
The entire Law & Order series, and all cop dramas, end up being apologias for police misconduct. If the police are the heroes, then what they do is right, even if they screw up sometimes. You see their lives, their emotions, they are portrayed as generally decent people (except for a few clearly-marked Bad Cops). So all those people dying in jail or getting beaten up by angry cops in real life becomes harder for you to believe. All cop shows are propaganda so long as things are only shown from the cops' POV.
is there a version of Godwin's law about how any online discussion of TV will inevitably lead to a comparison with The Wire?
posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:13 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
is there a version of Godwin's law about how any online discussion of TV will inevitably lead to a comparison with The Wire?
posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:13 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
The contemporary police procedural started, arguably, with Dragnet (first on the radio and then on TV) and yeah, the moral trajectory of the medium has been to justify police actions (of whatever kind) as beneficial to society and the existence of Bad Cops as a horrifying anomaly rather than the status quo.
posted by griphus at 10:15 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by griphus at 10:15 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
is there a version of Godwin's law about how any online discussion of TV will inevitably lead to a comparison with The Wire?
Steven Universe. Go!
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:17 AM on August 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
Steven Universe. Go!
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:17 AM on August 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
is there a version of Godwin's law about how any online discussion of TV will inevitably lead to a comparison with The Wire?
But even The Wire did it too, to some extent.
posted by Sangermaine at 10:20 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
But even The Wire did it too, to some extent.
posted by Sangermaine at 10:20 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
I had to quit following LiarTownUSA because I felt like his release last year of this as a physical sellable object he was profiting from put him a little too uncomfortably on the side of GamerGate for my liking.
posted by wyndham at 10:25 AM on August 28, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by wyndham at 10:25 AM on August 28, 2015 [8 favorites]
But even The Wire did it too, to some extent.
I think Treme does a good job of showing the effects of dirty police, but even it still lets the police off pretty lightly.
posted by drezdn at 10:26 AM on August 28, 2015
I think Treme does a good job of showing the effects of dirty police, but even it still lets the police off pretty lightly.
posted by drezdn at 10:26 AM on August 28, 2015
I will not enact the labor necessary to explain why I find the calendar hilarious, wyndham, because you are jeopardizing my well-being with your violent refusal to agree.
posted by Xavier Xavier at 10:50 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by Xavier Xavier at 10:50 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
Also, as others have noted, it's the "Ice-T inner voice" doing the narrating that makes these click for me. So good.
posted by Xavier Xavier at 10:52 AM on August 28, 2015
posted by Xavier Xavier at 10:52 AM on August 28, 2015
I think the SJW Kittens thing could've been executed in a way that didn't make Tejaratchi come off as a prick but shruggo.
posted by griphus at 10:52 AM on August 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by griphus at 10:52 AM on August 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
exogenous, you should watch ReGenesis
I was going to respond with SquintyFry.gif but a little googling has me intrigued.
posted by exogenous at 10:53 AM on August 28, 2015
I was going to respond with SquintyFry.gif but a little googling has me intrigued.
posted by exogenous at 10:53 AM on August 28, 2015
My inner Ice-T voice and inner Ray Smuckles voice are dangerously close to overlapping. Or as they call it on the street, a Bermuda Brain Hammock, where they convince you a real person's voice is a cartoon so you think you're living in Bugs Bunny land. Makes you do crazy stuff with a cliff and a desert bird.
posted by Turkey Glue at 11:06 AM on August 28, 2015 [15 favorites]
posted by Turkey Glue at 11:06 AM on August 28, 2015 [15 favorites]
It's called a "Donald Duck"- they get a kid high on a mixture of nitrous and helium, and then make him film an audition tape for Disney Channel with no pants on.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:48 AM on August 28, 2015 [13 favorites]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:48 AM on August 28, 2015 [13 favorites]
It's pretty amazing how SVU has gone from really addicting if not great television to really addicting because its awful television. The transformation was pretty fast, too. Not long after, pretty much the whole cast turned over. I honestly wonder why Hargitay is still there, and I don't want her interview response question but the private reason she tells her friends and family.
Also, yes, SVU largely poses cops as heroes even when they break the rules, but I did like the short arc in season 14 (15?) where Olivia quietly reaches out to the current recurring defense attorney because she's pretty sure the person is getting a raw deal. It made me wonder how often that happens in the real world.
posted by lownote at 11:52 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
Also, yes, SVU largely poses cops as heroes even when they break the rules, but I did like the short arc in season 14 (15?) where Olivia quietly reaches out to the current recurring defense attorney because she's pretty sure the person is getting a raw deal. It made me wonder how often that happens in the real world.
posted by lownote at 11:52 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
It's called a "Mr. Hulot"- they give them a mixture of wine and ketamine, and hypnotize them to think that they're in a poignant, understated French slapstick comedy. Guys in China pay $500 an hour to watch that kind of thing.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:58 AM on August 28, 2015 [16 favorites]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:58 AM on August 28, 2015 [16 favorites]
They take runaways and feed them a mixture of xanax, quinoa, formaldehyde, and kombucha. On the street, they call it "Whole Foods". Messes them up.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:04 PM on August 28, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:04 PM on August 28, 2015 [10 favorites]
If Jimmy Fallon cannot get these guys together to act out these scenes and put them on YouTube, then why even have Fallon?
posted by bbuda at 12:08 PM on August 28, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by bbuda at 12:08 PM on August 28, 2015 [4 favorites]
Turkey Glue, my Ray Smuckles has always been Redd Foxx, but Ice-T is another good candidate.
posted by edheil at 12:15 PM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by edheil at 12:15 PM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Don't start reading that tumblr. You'll never escape.
posted by tommasz at 12:16 PM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by tommasz at 12:16 PM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
It's called a "Mr. Hulot"- they give them a mixture of wine and ketamine, and hypnotize them to think that they're in a poignant, understated French slapstick comedy. Guys in China pay $500 an hour to watch that kind of thing.
New York's Hottest Club...
posted by Solon and Thanks at 12:18 PM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
New York's Hottest Club...
posted by Solon and Thanks at 12:18 PM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
Interesting how real-life and TV can intersect that way, sio42. It reminds me of this story of when a shoplifter surrendered to Richard Belzer and his co-star on Homicide years back.
posted by dr_dank at 12:18 PM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by dr_dank at 12:18 PM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
They call it a "British Boarding School". It is literally a boarding school in Britain.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:23 PM on August 28, 2015 [15 favorites]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:23 PM on August 28, 2015 [15 favorites]
Don't start reading that tumblr. You'll never escape.
This feels like a safe space to admit that I started following LiarTownUSA's tumblr a while ago and forgot what it was, and since a lot of what I follow on tumblr is retro stuff, I just assumed that this apparent satire of 70s porn magazine for the fetish of premature ejaculation was real (and shared it as such) until this afternoon.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:25 PM on August 28, 2015 [7 favorites]
This feels like a safe space to admit that I started following LiarTownUSA's tumblr a while ago and forgot what it was, and since a lot of what I follow on tumblr is retro stuff, I just assumed that this apparent satire of 70s porn magazine for the fetish of premature ejaculation was real (and shared it as such) until this afternoon.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:25 PM on August 28, 2015 [7 favorites]
I'm going to call Poe's Law on these, and I will cite that one where Big Boi got eaten by his own hyena that culminated in this heartwarming conclusion.
RIP, Big Boi.
Godspeed, basketball ape.
posted by ernielundquist at 12:43 PM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
RIP, Big Boi.
Godspeed, basketball ape.
posted by ernielundquist at 12:43 PM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
I basically stopped watching SVU and Criminal Minds because they more or less turned into this in my head, just this nightmarish universe of a series of ever more horrific atrocities that, when taken in aggregate, suggest a hellish world of pervasive and inescapable violence and depravity. Sure, that's also the real world, but, like, not quite to this extent of miserable violence. Like they catch a serial killer a week on Criminal Minds and there just aren't that many serial killers roaming around out there. Anyway, it was weird, because I did have a brief period where I still found some humor in the likes of SVU, in the manner of these Liartown bits. But one day I put on one of those ever-present SVU marathons to veg out to, and I just couldn't keep watching. I don't think it was even an especially horrifying episode, I just felt this wave of DO NOT WANT and now I'm always vaguely unsettled if I catch any SVU. I can still watch the occasional Criminal Minds rerun though, mostly out of residual affection for the characters. They don't do a ton of gross rule-bending if I recall correctly, which helps.
At any rate, I switched to watching Flashpoint instead, which is I think about as humane and kind as a cop procedural can get.
posted by yasaman at 1:02 PM on August 28, 2015
At any rate, I switched to watching Flashpoint instead, which is I think about as humane and kind as a cop procedural can get.
posted by yasaman at 1:02 PM on August 28, 2015
It's called a "Paris-Roubaix". High-school students are mixing coffee and DMT, and getting their friends to film them while they go for a bike ride wearing an adult diaper. Three kids in Connecticut died last year when they were hit by the neutral service vehicle.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:07 PM on August 28, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:07 PM on August 28, 2015 [9 favorites]
emjaybee: "The entire Law & Order series, and all cop dramas, end up being apologias for police misconduct. If the police are the heroes, then what they do is right, even if they screw up sometimes. You see their lives, their emotions, they are portrayed as generally decent people (except for a few clearly-marked Bad Cops). So all those people dying in jail or getting beaten up by angry cops in real life becomes harder for you to believe. All cop shows are propaganda so long as things are only shown from the cops' POV.
The sad thing about this blazing insight on my part is that it's already been said by so many others. Just this week, I ran across it in an essay by Angela Carter from the early 80s about Hill Street Blues.
(but also, I enjoyed this, because Ice-T so clearly enjoys his job and is happy to milk it for all its worth. Also he seldom is portrayed as the one beating up the suspects)."
Look, buddy, they may be loose cannons, but they get results! Now, GET OUTTA MY OFFICE AND BACK ON THE STREETS!
posted by Samizdata at 1:40 PM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
The sad thing about this blazing insight on my part is that it's already been said by so many others. Just this week, I ran across it in an essay by Angela Carter from the early 80s about Hill Street Blues.
(but also, I enjoyed this, because Ice-T so clearly enjoys his job and is happy to milk it for all its worth. Also he seldom is portrayed as the one beating up the suspects)."
Look, buddy, they may be loose cannons, but they get results! Now, GET OUTTA MY OFFICE AND BACK ON THE STREETS!
posted by Samizdata at 1:40 PM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
I love Sean's stuff! Big influence on my tumblr. Photoshop is fun.
posted by ktoad at 1:47 PM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by ktoad at 1:47 PM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
EmpressCallipygos: god help me every time i imagine ice-t growling "EAT A DICK" at g-gaters it makes me giggle
I've never seen SVU so I don't know if you're quoting something Ice T said in that episode, but in case you missed it (or for anyone else who would enjoy this): Ice T literally told a gamergater to eat a dick on Twitter yesterday
posted by cobra_high_tigers at 2:12 PM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
I've never seen SVU so I don't know if you're quoting something Ice T said in that episode, but in case you missed it (or for anyone else who would enjoy this): Ice T literally told a gamergater to eat a dick on Twitter yesterday
posted by cobra_high_tigers at 2:12 PM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'm watching an episode of SVU right now, and I had forgotten how much I love Sister Peg, the community outreach nun who knows the personal details of every single wayward youth in the city of New York. She's talking to Fin right now about a man who washes his penis with steel wool.
posted by phunniemee at 4:57 PM on August 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 4:57 PM on August 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
Cobra, it was ice's own tweet I was talking about.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:43 PM on August 28, 2015
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:43 PM on August 28, 2015
She's talking to Fin right now about a man who washes his penis with steel wool.
They call it "brillin'". Started in prison kitchens. Made a guy impotent in Riverdale last Tuesday.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:46 PM on August 28, 2015 [7 favorites]
They call it "brillin'". Started in prison kitchens. Made a guy impotent in Riverdale last Tuesday.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:46 PM on August 28, 2015 [7 favorites]
Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish: " is there a version of Godwin's law about how any online discussion of TV will inevitably lead to a comparison with The Wire?
Steven Universe. Go!"
"Where's Lapis?"
posted by Sphinx at 9:49 PM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
Steven Universe. Go!"
"Where's Lapis?"
posted by Sphinx at 9:49 PM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
1) Ice-T once spoke at a cultural studies conference at my graduate school. I wasn't there, but I'm told there was an epic moment in which an exciteable brainiac theory-headed friend of mine, the sort who stands up to ask a question after a talk -- "Two questions, actually" -- and they go on for quite some time and neither of them has a question mark at the end -- started into his first non-question, and Ice-T recognized it as such and cut him short with a no-nonsense "Ey, yo, yo yo. Pimp."
This treatment of academic discourse continues to tickle me immensely.
2) SVU was known around my former apartment as the Dead Baby Prostitute Show, for obvious reasons (usually involves a dead baby, or a dead prostitute, or a dead prostitute's baby, or a dead baby who was a prostitute), and that phrase has now made it onto our Law and Order: Special Snowflake Unit episode of The Media Show.
posted by gusandrews at 9:52 PM on August 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
This treatment of academic discourse continues to tickle me immensely.
2) SVU was known around my former apartment as the Dead Baby Prostitute Show, for obvious reasons (usually involves a dead baby, or a dead prostitute, or a dead prostitute's baby, or a dead baby who was a prostitute), and that phrase has now made it onto our Law and Order: Special Snowflake Unit episode of The Media Show.
posted by gusandrews at 9:52 PM on August 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
lownote my understanding is that she feels she is helping people. She gets letters from women all the time because they trust her as Benson. She does a lot of training to be an advocate and provide outreach for victims.
Yeah, this. Also, I imagine the giant vats of money help. Hargitay has been one of the highest paid TV actresses for years. You'd want a pretty compelling reason to give that up, and maybe "SVU is not enough of an artistic visionary to satisfy some internet commentators" doesn't clear the bar for her.
posted by lwb at 10:03 PM on August 28, 2015
Yeah, this. Also, I imagine the giant vats of money help. Hargitay has been one of the highest paid TV actresses for years. You'd want a pretty compelling reason to give that up, and maybe "SVU is not enough of an artistic visionary to satisfy some internet commentators" doesn't clear the bar for her.
posted by lwb at 10:03 PM on August 28, 2015
So that is an interview answer but I think it's probably close to reality. Olivia Benson represents someone victims can trust. And she wants to keep being Olivia Benson for them.
That's sad, and terrifying, and I hope it's true.
Also, yeah, Criminal Minds I can more or less deal with. It's over the top, perfectly formulaic in the L&O fashion, and Garcia is just lovely. And you're right, I feel like CM really looks askance at any cops who cross the line. Maybe it's easier to deal with bc L&O:OMGWTFBBQ aims to be 'gritty' and 'real' somehow while Criminal Minds is just so deliriously loopy and unreal that it passes into sheer fantasy?
Also also it's been a shit soup couple of days and liartownusa is either going to kill me from laughing too hard or make me fall asleep. Win/win.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:03 PM on August 28, 2015
That's sad, and terrifying, and I hope it's true.
Also, yeah, Criminal Minds I can more or less deal with. It's over the top, perfectly formulaic in the L&O fashion, and Garcia is just lovely. And you're right, I feel like CM really looks askance at any cops who cross the line. Maybe it's easier to deal with bc L&O:OMGWTFBBQ aims to be 'gritty' and 'real' somehow while Criminal Minds is just so deliriously loopy and unreal that it passes into sheer fantasy?
Also also it's been a shit soup couple of days and liartownusa is either going to kill me from laughing too hard or make me fall asleep. Win/win.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:03 PM on August 28, 2015
Salad Spirit BEFF WOODRUNT
i die i am ded
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:04 PM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
i die i am ded
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:04 PM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Watching another episode of SVU right now. They're talking to Sister Peg again. This time she's telling them about her "bad trick list," a list of clients her prostitute friends have had trouble with. They handed her a really nondescript police sketch and said "does this look like any of the guys you heard about?" Sister Peg says her policy is "no cops."
posted by phunniemee at 1:18 PM on August 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 1:18 PM on August 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
I want this combined with Stefon's club recommendations.
posted by palomar at 9:13 PM on August 30, 2015
posted by palomar at 9:13 PM on August 30, 2015
"They call it 'nap-eze.' Kids'll like moist towelettes until they get a buzz going and then the rob a Chuck-E-Cheese."
posted by drezdn at 4:15 AM on August 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by drezdn at 4:15 AM on August 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
In a fairer world, we'd have gotten a spinoff all about Sister Peg and the work she did.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:56 AM on August 31, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:56 AM on August 31, 2015 [4 favorites]
« Older Vulture talks to Quentin Tarantino | Panic and Tumult in Northamptonshire Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by sleeping bear at 8:49 AM on August 28, 2015 [31 favorites]