Sleek, illusory, sensitive, and self-reflective

September 8, 2015 8:41 PM

Riley MacLeod writes a moving meditation on masculinities.
posted by Deoridhe (4 comments total)

I liked this, a lot. Thanks for sharing it.
posted by town of cats at 10:30 PM on September 8, 2015

I loved this line, "Stealth masculinities feel closer to my own; they feel achievable to me, they feel like things I want in bodies I want to live in." For me, it really encapsulates what I get out of playing video games (and why I choose the character types that I do; I'm looking at you, Zer0).
posted by iamkimiam at 11:14 PM on September 8, 2015

Stealth bodies turn our focus to our place in the world and ask us where we want to go next and how and why we want to get there. They enable us to meet our needs while leaving everyone around us unharmed, paying attention to how we handle others and rewarding us for doing so with grace and care. They hold minimizing damage as a value and sharing space as a success.

I like this piece a lot. One the one hand it claims a masculine identity for smaller, slimmer bodies than those we're expected to prefer. On the other, it claims a masculine identity for a kinder and less destructive style of interpersonal behaviour without hitting you over the head with the point (or not too much, anyway). Nice.
posted by langtonsant at 4:20 AM on September 9, 2015 [3 favorites]

I just keep thinking about how the mechanics of stealth-based game play can be very easily incorporated into the toolkit of male sexual violence - slipping something into someone's drink unnoticed, following someone, carefully observing the movements/behaviors of people and their environments so as to identify and exploit vulnerabilities, etc. Male violence isn't the exclusive domain of the aggro meathead; sometimes it's sneaky.

I'm slim and quick by nature but I've spent the last few years bulking up, because that's the kind of body I want to have, and because I find a certain satisfaction, grace, and beauty in strength and muscular size. It's happened a few times that female friends or acquaintances have quietly asked me to pretend to be their boyfriend (I'm gay, but can pass) because someone is creeping them out. They basically want to borrow my big shoulders so a smaller-than-me guy who's marked them as a target will become intimidated and move on. I don't say or do anything to these guys, because I'm non-violent and am actually kind of scared of confrontation. I just allow my larger-than-normal body to be used as a defensive prop by my friend and it seems to do the trick.

Anyway, I guess my point is that I don't think toxic masculinity correlates so neatly with bicep measurement.


Stealth bodies turn our focus to our place in the world and ask us where we want to go next and how and why we want to get there. They enable us to meet our needs while leaving everyone around us unharmed, paying attention to how we handle others and rewarding us for doing so with grace and care. They hold minimizing damage as a value and sharing space as a success.

I really believe I live that way already. I certainly don't think I need to be slim and agile, or to prefer that sort of body, in order to be a thoughtful and compassionate ethical actor in the world.

Also, while I absolutely agree with the author that there is a drive placed on men to be larger and stronger, I think it's more of a bell curve than a straight diagonal running up the chart. At least, I hear things like "oh, don't get too big," "you're big enough already," "you looked better when you were slim" etc. I think of the way truly huge, 300-lbs-walking-refrigerator-made-of-muscle men are expected to be dumb violent neanderthals with personality disorders ("why would anyone want to look like that?"). I wonder if, should I fulfill my goals w/r/t bodily development (frankly, I'd love to be a real tank), will it have a negative impact on my professional life? (probably)

Body policing is complex as hell.
posted by erlking at 8:11 AM on September 9, 2015 [3 favorites]