Ivory coke straws: the perfect gift for the asshole who has everything

September 15, 2015 10:16 AM

Cocaine accessory advertisements from 1970's head magazines.
posted by item (113 comments total)

Wild! I'm sad Mad Men didn't last long enough for us to reach the cocaine account plotlines.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:20 AM on September 15, 2015 [9 favorites]

THE MAGIC FLUTE - Approved by The National Aeronososeical and Spaced Association (NASA)

Seems legit.
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:21 AM on September 15, 2015 [11 favorites]

I didn't make it past "Sno-Blo Nose Doucher" but BOY am I glad I made it to Sno-Blo Nose Doucher.
posted by bondcliff at 10:22 AM on September 15, 2015 [6 favorites]

Promise her anything but give her ... Synth Coke
posted by griphus at 10:23 AM on September 15, 2015 [6 favorites]

Also, seeing "Send check or money order to..." and "...wait six to eight weeks..." is the sort of thing that, not only would The Kids not believe it if you told them, but I have a hard time believing it myself and I lived through it.
posted by bondcliff at 10:24 AM on September 15, 2015 [11 favorites]

oh my god a tiny 14K gold shovel
posted by griphus at 10:25 AM on September 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

> I didn't make it past "Sno-Blo Nose Doucher"

Well, that's a shame because it means you didn't make it to DO IT ORALLY WITH THE GASPER.
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:29 AM on September 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

if anyone wants to know what to get me for my birthday it's a subscription to Bummers! magazine
posted by griphus at 10:30 AM on September 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

"Send check or money order to..." and "...wait six to eight weeks..." is the sort of thing that, not only would The Kids not believe it if you told them, but I have a hard time believing it myself and I lived through it.

Double the price and increase the wait time and that's what wanting to buy stuff from the back of comics and magazines, while being Canadian, was like when I was a kid.
And never the right amount of spaces to enter your postal code.
posted by chococat at 10:30 AM on September 15, 2015 [4 favorites]

Well, that's a shame because it means you didn't make it to DO IT ORALLY WITH THE GASPER.

Yeah, curiosity and a poor work ethic got the best of me and I continued. Glad I did. I also suddenly remembered in Jr. High School (7th and 8th grades) there were a couple kids who had "Enjoy Cocaine" t-shirts. Good times, the 1980s!
posted by bondcliff at 10:33 AM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

I thought "no CODs please" meant that fish was not accepted for payment.
posted by dr_dank at 10:36 AM on September 15, 2015 [4 favorites]

> if anyone wants to know what to get me for my birthday it's a subscription to Bummers! magazine

OF COURSE the rug the woman is trying to sniff spilled coke out of is varying shades of yellow, orange and brown.
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:39 AM on September 15, 2015 [5 favorites]

ACTUAL PHOTO Of MAGIC FLUTE IN USE
posted by mintcake! at 10:41 AM on September 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

"screenz" near the end has packaging exactly like a cheap sewing notion.
posted by werkzeuger at 10:42 AM on September 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

I recently ordered this CD from a tiny record label. It's by the band Coffins, so I wasn't surprised when it came with a little aluminum coffin tchotchke. I was very surprised, however, when I opened the coffin and out popped a spring loaded coke spoon. It has been an item of great amusement to guests. I keep it on my coffee table.
posted by dortmunder at 10:45 AM on September 15, 2015 [6 favorites]

OF COURSE the rug the woman is trying to sniff spilled coke out of is varying shades of yellow, orange and brown.

I assume on the inside beautiful people are trying to, uh, clean up coke spills off wood paneled stereo systems, avocado toilets, the cushions of one of those weird sphere-chairs.
posted by griphus at 10:45 AM on September 15, 2015 [5 favorites]

And yet, opium rigs still put all this to shame.

I wonder if there would be a market for some fake-ish hipster head magazine revivals (like, single issues since I couldn't imagine putting out more than a couple).
posted by klangklangston at 10:46 AM on September 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

This page has a picture of the coffin spoon in question.
posted by dortmunder at 10:47 AM on September 15, 2015

More scales than a fish
Fine Tuna
No fluke
Mullet over
posted by Kabanos at 10:47 AM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm surprised these little gold spoons have not come up as tool options in the cleaning earwax thread.
posted by Kabanos at 10:49 AM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

There used to be a store in Nashua, NH called Headlines. I have no idea if it's still there. Head shops were illegal in Massachusetts so once a year during my peak stoner years me and my friends would make a road trip up there. We even once went during a blizzard because we were young and stupid and for some reason we needed to buy a rolling machine and one of those one-hitters that looked like a Marlboro cigarette THAT DAY.

For a young stoner, walking in there was like going to the greatest toy store on earth. Maybe you live in a state or time where there are head shops all over the place like Starbucks but I didn't so it was quite a novelty to me. They had bongs of all shapes and sizes and just about anything you needed to smoke your mary jane or sniff your goofballs up your nose or whatever.

The thing was, you couldn't admit you were going to use these products for drugs, because drugs are illegal and wrong. So you had to pretend like you were buying that four foot skull bong with the pot leafs on it for smoking tobacco. If you even hinted that you were going to smoke marijuana rumor had it they'd kick you out of there like some sort of bong store soup Nazi.

They also had mirrors, straws, crazy snorting tools, little spoons and all kinds of tools for... doing snuff, I guess? I'm not even sure what snuff is but they sure sold a lot of things for it.

It was a pretty neat store, is what I'm saying.
posted by bondcliff at 10:50 AM on September 15, 2015 [12 favorites]

The coke-pooping turtle, though! Having a coke habit looks tedious.
posted by mintcake! at 10:50 AM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

When I was growing up I knew a girl whose father owned a head shop, he used to sell the little vacuum cleaner straws and also, I'm dating myself a bit, an 8-track tape that came apart and had a mirror, vial, razor and straw inside. We would occasionally work at the store on Saturday with this girl and get paid in poppers, pipes and parts and packs of smokes. Good times...good times.
posted by MikeMc at 10:52 AM on September 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

"I sell cocaine and cocaine accessories."
posted by Ian A.T. at 10:53 AM on September 15, 2015 [28 favorites]

"Send check or money order to..." and "...wait six to eight weeks..." is the sort of thing that, not only would The Kids not believe it if you told them, but I have a hard time believing it myself and I lived through it.

Double the price and increase the wait time and that's what wanting to buy stuff from the back of comics and magazines, while being Canadian, was like when I was a kid.
And never the right amount of spaces to enter your postal code.

Kids, back in my day they had this thing called Kickstarter...
posted by Muddler at 10:54 AM on September 15, 2015 [4 favorites]

If you even hinted that you were going to smoke marijuana rumor had it they'd kick you out of there like some sort of bong store soup Nazi.

I worked at a sex shop that sold a lot of paraphernalia and I had to be the Bong (And Dildo) Store Soup Nazi.

"hey man how much are those weeeeed grinders"
"they're spice grinders. we don't sell weed grinders."
"no they're right there man i want to buy that weed grinder"
"i can't sell you a weed grinder"
"why not it's right there man"
[screaming internally]
posted by griphus at 11:00 AM on September 15, 2015 [24 favorites]

I was too young to participate in this era, but these kinds of head shops tended to be in places I did go, like record stores and card/poster shops. There is one thing I remember that I have been searching for, have never found, and am increasingly wondering whether it actually existed: coke mirrors/surfaces (onyx or whatever) that had pre-ground slots, like you'd make by dipping an angle grinder into the glass. Less than 1/4" deep, maybe two inches long, in the corner of the mirror or whatever. So presumably you'd chop or grind your coke over the the rest of the mirror, then just take a card and spread it over the grooves and voila, instant lines.

griphus: in the 90s, drug war hysteria meant head shops would kick you out for using the word "bong."
posted by rhizome at 11:03 AM on September 15, 2015

The thing was, you couldn't admit you were going to use these products for drugs,

Like those long handled plastic coffee stirrers which McDonald's used to have. I never saw anyone use one of those to stir coffee.
posted by three blind mice at 11:03 AM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm not sure how much of this was just the pre-Reagan 70s, when there was a lot of hope that drugs (not just weed) would be decriminalized (sexuality was pretty open then, as well--XXX movies were advertised in newspapers, and some porn mags had bare breasts on their covers, a la Germany, leading to most stores having those black plastic shields that would only show the magazine name), and how much of it was the DEA or other agencies bombing pot fields with paraquat and thus coke being temporarily cheaper than (or at least competitively-priced with) pot.

Also, Kabanos, WRT the earwax-cleaning thread, I did think of the well-known McDonald's creamer stirrer while browsing that thread, but sort of put it out of my head after considering the damage that could ensue from sticking a hard piece of plastic in one's ear canal (my Q-tip habit is bad enough).
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:04 AM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

There's such a clear difference between Weed Culture and Blow Culture. I'd like to see an on-line quiz where they took ads from each of them, blacked-out the actual product, and you had to guess which it was from. I imagine it would be pretty easy.
posted by benito.strauss at 11:05 AM on September 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

griphus: in the 90s, drug war hysteria meant head shops would kick you out for using the word "bong."

Yeah I remember that too, although that was back when I was still the teen getting kicked out of the head shop.
posted by griphus at 11:10 AM on September 15, 2015

That's strange, I snort cocaine with my nose, not my asshole.
posted by slogger at 11:11 AM on September 15, 2015

Like those long handled plastic coffee stirrers which McDonald's used to have.

Isn't that the reason they got rid of those spoons? Because everyone used them for coke? That's what I've always heard.

Different drug entirely, but I just remembered that my older brother would have giant parties every weekend my parents went away in the early '80's, and my mom could never figure out why so many of her knives had strange burn marks all over them.
posted by chococat at 11:13 AM on September 15, 2015 [7 favorites]

The coke-pooping turtle, though! Having a coke habit looks tedious.



Oddly enough, you hardly notice.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:15 AM on September 15, 2015 [6 favorites]

There's such a clear difference between Weed Culture and Blow Culture.

Is there still a coke culture? I remember back in the 80s knowing people with long pinky nails ( just like Jesus Quintana) who would nod at other people and go "he parties." meaning "He does coke" and just knowing so many people who lived this lifestyle of being coke heads. None of them were rich, most of them worked shitty jobs like I did at the time, but there was certainly a culture.

Not that I hang with that crowd anymore but does that even exist anymore? I honestly don't even know if cocaine is still even a thing that anyone does anymore. Certainly you don't hear about it like you hear about meth or weed or ecstasy.
posted by bondcliff at 11:16 AM on September 15, 2015

"That's strange, I snort cocaine with my nose, not my asshole."

More than one coke user I've known has lost the distinction between the two.
posted by klangklangston at 11:16 AM on September 15, 2015 [5 favorites]

When you're looking at products to help you carry around your drugs for on-the-go use, is that when you realize you have a problem?
posted by backseatpilot at 11:16 AM on September 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

> my mom could never figure out why so many of her knives had strange burn marks all over them.

My mom had the exact same reaction when she went into the kitchen I shared with my final-year university housemates to make a sandwich. "Why are all the knives burnt?" I just mumbled something about how we were all terrible cooks (true, as far as it went).
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:17 AM on September 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

...and my mom could never figure out why so many of her knives had strange burn marks all over them.

WERE YOU KIDS HAVING SATANIC RITUALS IN HERE
no mom i swear it was just a hash party
THEN WHY IS BAPHOMET HERE
again: hash party
posted by griphus at 11:18 AM on September 15, 2015 [24 favorites]

When you're looking at products to help you carry around your drugs for on-the-go use, is that when you realize you have a problem?

Oh no, that's when you've just solved a problem!

Usually you realize you have a problem much, much later.
posted by bondcliff at 11:21 AM on September 15, 2015 [10 favorites]

I'm not going to google it but I bet there were a hundred shitty headbanger bands named "The Hot Knives" back then. Or, more likely, HÖT KNIVEZ or something of that ilk.
posted by chococat at 11:22 AM on September 15, 2015

Is there still a coke culture?

Not 10 years ago, I dated a woman whose circle of friends were all mid-30s childless professionals, publishing editors and the like, urban DJ and BM crowd but outwardly square, who were very much casual cocaine users. Weekends, weeknights, not benders, just as a spice-of-life thing. It was a weird realization that this world existed!
posted by rhizome at 11:23 AM on September 15, 2015 [5 favorites]

So there's this guy I know. He told me this story and I am inclined to believe it. Sometime in the nineties, when he was really into the gay club scene in New York, he was invited to a dealer's birthday party. There was a table set for everyone. In each place setting was a little golden spoon and a little golden box. In each box was 2 ounces of coke. (Keeping this intentionally vague) So the production of items like these did go on after the 70's. Also, I always thought of the 80's as the cocaine years.
posted by Hactar at 11:24 AM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

It is probably indicative of my extremely sheltered upbringing that I have no idea what any of this paraphernalia is for, either. Spoons, straws, knives, grinders? Get a fork and you could have a tiny table setting for a hamster.
posted by backseatpilot at 11:25 AM on September 15, 2015 [14 favorites]

I wonder what was in "Toot," the supposed cocaine substitute? It even has the"bath salts" style "not for human consumption" warning, though the rest of the ad suggests human consumption more blatantly than one sees today. Maybe just a mix of caffeine or ephedrine with local anesthetic? I don't think there were many real-deal designer stimulants in circulation back then.
posted by atoxyl at 11:26 AM on September 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

Ok, I give up. What do weird burn marks on knives have to do with drugs? The only thing I can think of is freebasing, but I thought that was supposed to be done in a semi-contained holder.
posted by Hactar at 11:26 AM on September 15, 2015

Zach Galifinakis was in ads back then?
posted by Chuffy at 11:27 AM on September 15, 2015

It is probably indicative of my extremely sheltered upbringing that I have no idea what any of this paraphernalia is for, either. Spoons, straws, knives, grinders?

Spoons: eating ice cream you sprinkled coke on top of
Straws: drinking a root beer float you made with ice cream you sprinkled coke on top of
Knives: cutting the ice cream cake you sprinkled coke on top of
Grinders: Weed
posted by griphus at 11:28 AM on September 15, 2015 [19 favorites]

an 8-track tape that came apart and had a mirror, vial, razor and straw inside.

Wow, that's like something the dad in Gremlins wishes he'd invented.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 11:29 AM on September 15, 2015 [5 favorites]

bondcliff: Headlines is still around.

When I was a wee little pxe, my mother would make a yearly trip to Headlines to buy a Christmas present for her sister. If Mom couldn't find a babysitter -- which was pretty frequent -- we went with her.
posted by pxe2000 at 11:30 AM on September 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

What do weird burn marks on knives have to do with drugs?

hash
posted by poffin boffin at 11:34 AM on September 15, 2015

but really idk why no one ever just rolled it up in a cigarette like the entire continent of europe is doing literally at this very moment.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:35 AM on September 15, 2015 [6 favorites]

Also, "Mannite Conoscenti" - are they seriously trying to give a connoisseur mystique to cutting agent? Is it a sly joke?
posted by atoxyl at 11:38 AM on September 15, 2015

griphus: I worked at a sex shop that sold a lot of paraphernalia and I had to be the Bong (And Dildo) Store Soup Nazi.

Did you ever have a narc come into the store and try to trip you up so they can make an easy bust?
posted by dr_dank at 11:38 AM on September 15, 2015

god i just had a hilarrible flashback to the guy in high school who had a shitfit when someone put a little tobacco in the bowl of his bong even though he himself was a smoker.

no, no one is going to buy you a new bong because this one is tainted now, dude. go wash your hair.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:39 AM on September 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

Wow, that really is an attractive portrait of King Tut. Nobody would ever suspect that you didn't hang it there for the aesthetic pleasure.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:44 AM on September 15, 2015 [4 favorites]

Did you ever have a narc come into the store and try to trip you up so they can make an easy bust?

No, but a few years before I was working there they busted the shop (and deported some employees) for making fake IDs there.
posted by griphus at 11:47 AM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

but really idk why no one ever just rolled it up in a cigarette like the entire continent of europe is doing literally at this very moment.

what the entire continent of europe does to their weed should be a crime
posted by griphus at 11:48 AM on September 15, 2015 [10 favorites]

Oh wow or the "hot box" at $179.50 is "less than the price of two grams." Care to guess what's happened to the price of cocaine since then? Drug war's going real good you guys.
posted by atoxyl at 11:48 AM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

Back in the 1990s there used to be ads on WBCN (Boston) for a store in a local town (in Mass) called The Psychedelic Emporium. The ads were done by the guys who owned the store and they would talk about all the smoking paraphernalia they sold. The would close the ad by bragging about how The Authorities wanted to close them down but that was NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

A few months later the authorities closed them down.
posted by bondcliff at 11:50 AM on September 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

in case anyone is interested in how the hot box works

also you can buy on on eBay
posted by griphus at 11:52 AM on September 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

Wow, that really is an attractive portrait of King Tut. Nobody would ever suspect that you didn't hang it there for the aesthetic pleasure.

To be fair, King Tut was a big deal (related) back then.
posted by rhizome at 11:56 AM on September 15, 2015

in case anyone is interested in how the hot box works

Note that it's pronounced, "hoot boox."
posted by rhizome at 11:58 AM on September 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

benito.strauss: "There's such a clear difference between Weed Culture and Blow Culture. I'd like to see an on-line quiz where they took ads from each of them, blacked-out the actual product, and you had to guess which it was from. I imagine it would be pretty easy."

Blow culture gets you killed, weed culture gets you high.

(Seriously, back in the late 80's/early 90's when I was using, somebody would lay out some crystal or some coke, and snort it right up in front of you. If you mentioned wanting a bump, they would stare at you as if you were insane, then they would light a joint/pipe/bong and hand it right over to you after they took a hit.)
posted by Samizdata at 12:04 PM on September 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

The discriminating user goes for a Barry Manilow coke mirror.

Remember me as the guy who looked up the difference between envy and jealousy to make sure this sentence was as correct as possible:

I have never been more envious in my entire life.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:09 PM on September 15, 2015 [13 favorites]

♫I snort the coke of love & special things♫
posted by dr_dank at 12:10 PM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

The coke-pooping turtle, though! Having a coke habit looks tedious.

Oddly enough, you hardly notice.


But everyone around you does.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:12 PM on September 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

Hey now, cocaine is a social drug.
posted by rhizome at 12:15 PM on September 15, 2015

Wow, that really is an attractive portrait of King Tut.

!!!! I have us-- been in close proximity to one of these. Hypothetically.

I also hypothetically knew someone once who had one of those little box sets, except instead of a straw it was this (cheap) gold-plated y-shaped thing. For more efficient hoovering I guess?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:22 PM on September 15, 2015

I flipped through the photoset pretty quickly. And then I got all antsy and cranky, and the only thing I wanted to do was flip through it again.
posted by not_on_display at 12:22 PM on September 15, 2015 [24 favorites]

s l o w c l a p
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:24 PM on September 15, 2015

griphus' comment reminded me of going to the local head shop and being reminded it is The Tobacco Master Water Pipe and NOT The Toke Master BONG.

Oh, and I so want the turtle butt coke holder for Christmas. I can keep my allergy medicine in it now.
posted by terrapin at 12:24 PM on September 15, 2015

I recently spent a good hunk of time in the ski community in Taos, NM. Turns out they're still living the unironic glory days of 1980's ski-bum-party culture, and everyone did a ton of coke.
posted by Grandysaur at 12:25 PM on September 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

what the entire continent of europe does to their weed should be a crime

TESTIFY
posted by brennen at 12:33 PM on September 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

Grandysaur, that place sounds like a lot of fun, but I'd be willing to bet that the people who run the local youth center are probably tired of their fate resting in the hands of the good guy from modest means beating the rich kid condo developers in a winner-take-all downhill race every other week.
posted by dr_dank at 12:51 PM on September 15, 2015 [11 favorites]

Ah yes, sorry. How much is that tobacco pipe? And next to it, that water filtration unit? Excellent...I'll take this tobacco pipe and a pack of cigarette rolling papers. Thank you.
posted by Chuffy at 12:52 PM on September 15, 2015

That's $50 worth of merchandise so here's your free small bottle of video head cleaner.
posted by griphus at 12:57 PM on September 15, 2015 [10 favorites]

it is The Tobacco Master Water Pipe and NOT The Toke Master BONG

Which is silly, because "bong" is just the Thai word for water pipe, regardless of the substance involved.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:01 PM on September 15, 2015

Did someone say...The Psychedelic Emporium?
posted by pxe2000 at 1:13 PM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

Hey, I'll have you know that I had a very lucrative VCR cleaning/homemade whipped cream business in the 90s.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:20 PM on September 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

Ah, the 70's and 80's. I remember going to the county fair as a rather square youth and wondering why so many of the midway games offered "decorative" mirrors as prizes? Did people really need that many decorative mirrors? I don't think I figured that one out until much, much later.

Ten years later, when I was older and (a bit) less naive, a local head shop employee scolded me that the oddly shaped glass tubes in the big display cases were incense holders goddammit, NOT water pipes, NOT even tobacco pipes, and certainly NOT BONGS!!1!, and if I used any of those other terms again I would have to leave.

The 70's were a deeply weird, decadent, and self-indulgent decade. The 80's were also an incredibly weird decade, but in ways that were in violent opposition to funky 70's. It's odd to see these ads 30 and 40 years later, in a time when recreational pot is legal (!!!) in several states, and MMJ is legal in many more. These products really do seem like artifacts from another era.
posted by mosk at 2:03 PM on September 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

The typesetting of "COCAINE" in img 14 is killing me.

It just makes me think way too much of EVERY electro group in 2007's logo design.

(And not so coincidentally, lol, yea, there was a lot of drugs in that scene)
posted by emptythought at 2:12 PM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

Halloween Jack: that McDonalds spoon story was fascinating. Thanks for posting it.
posted by persona au gratin at 2:28 PM on September 15, 2015

Also holy shit, that last picture is like the 1979 equivalent of all those newaesthetic vaporwave photos of computers with dial up modems attached next to tube TVs, posters of dolphins, and pogs.
posted by emptythought at 2:30 PM on September 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

Somewhat on-topic sort of: Prop Masters Explain the Movie Magic of Fake Cocaine
posted by Cookiebastard at 3:09 PM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

coke mirrors/surfaces (onyx or whatever) that had pre-ground slots, like you'd make by dipping an angle grinder into the glass.

Definitely a thing. My mom came home from a thrift shop a few years back and showed my sister & I this glass plate she'd bought cuz she liked the pretty flowing fairy illustration. We absolutely lost it. When we explained what she'd bought, she laughed and said, "I wondered what those grooves were for."
posted by wallabear at 3:20 PM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

Coincidentally, I'm on a bus that just drove by the old local record store/head shop. It was very convenient, being right around the corner from my high school and all. Two vials and a grinder, please. Um, for science class.

Ah yes, sorry. How much is that tobacco pipe? And next to it, that water filtration unit?

The 2015 version: procuring your legal MMJ in exchange for a donation.
posted by Room 641-A at 3:29 PM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

its coke-pooping turtles all the way down
posted by The Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas at 3:42 PM on September 15, 2015

Oh god. Hot knives. Waking up in a baking/soaking tent in the middle of a field in Glastonbury in the 80s and hearing "Ot Knoives! Ot knoives! Black 'ash! Rocky!" as the street sellers of Old Pilton Town walked by.

There are many very scuzzy elements to most sorts of drug abuse. But for cannabis consumption, I think hot knives comes close to the bottom.
posted by Devonian at 3:43 PM on September 15, 2015

It is probably indicative of my extremely sheltered upbringing that I have no idea what any of this paraphernalia is for, either. Spoons, straws, knives, grinders? Get a fork and you could have a tiny table setting for a hamster.

"As far as we can tell, the exercise wheel exploded at around 1500 rpm."
posted by sebastienbailard at 4:11 PM on September 15, 2015 [6 favorites]

its coke-pooping turtles all the way down

Ironically, the heroin-pooping turtles can't poop.
posted by Room 641-A at 4:43 PM on September 15, 2015 [6 favorites]

Grinders: Weed

There are coke grinders, too.

And I'm not talking about your teeth! *rim shot*

posted by Room 641-A at 4:51 PM on September 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

Headlines: still standing. Three convenient locations. Come on by and see their extensive line of water pipes FOR TOBACCO USE ONLY OR GTFO
posted by not_on_display at 5:24 PM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

When my mother was married to her second husband, this bong was on the mantelpiece. Many years later, I started hanging out with bands and saw one in a practice space. This brought about an especially forceful flashback, but when I made a joke about it to her, she said "oh no, that was a joke! We never smoked from that!" Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.
posted by pxe2000 at 5:53 PM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'd say that cocaine culture still very much exists in food service; though meth is probably eating it's lunch these days.
posted by Ferreous at 6:20 PM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

I've only worked under one actual cokehead but yeah, it's not exactly uncommon in kitchens.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 6:22 PM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

Yeah, knife hits are definitely the most, "wow, this feels like pretty hard core drug use" thing I've been around. It probably isn't, but it's definitely the cannabis equivalent of smoking rocks with stolen spark plugs.
posted by drklahn at 6:30 PM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

"oh no, that was a joke! We never smoked from that!" Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.

Yeah, just like that pipe that was in my mom's glove box wasn't hers, it was her friend's. Funny how even in adulthood we can't come up with anything better than "It's not mine!"
posted by MikeMc at 6:39 PM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

Hot knives were the dabbing of their day, or vice versa.
posted by box at 6:42 PM on September 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

Yeah, knife hits are definitely the most, "wow, this feels like pretty hard core drug use" thing I've been around.

I've, uh, heard smoking meth off a lightbulb is a pretty nadir moment.

Dabbing looks way more elegant than hotknives though.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 6:45 PM on September 15, 2015

it's not a bong mom it's a science experiment
i go to CMU remember?
posted by not_on_display at 7:54 PM on September 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

> Not that I hang with that crowd anymore but does that even exist anymore? I honestly don't even know if cocaine is still even a thing that anyone does anymore. Certainly you don't hear about it like you hear about meth or weed or ecstasy.

Oh gods yes. Tons of casual coke use going on. And there is definitely a culture. But that culture these days involves not being a tacky loudmouth showoff about using coke. It's not so much attached to an identifiable visual/fashion/music/socioeconomic profile, so it's more of a wink-and-a-nudge and knowing how to be casual and cool about it and hide in plain sight with mostly normal-seeming behavior in public. (But when two women use the single-occupancy bathroom together, they aren't necessarily making out or gossiping about their dates, I'll tell you that.)

Restaurant folks, oh hell yes. Musicians and artists and concert promoters. Hip downtown bar scene people. Yuppie businesspeople. Union/tradespeople. Hipsters. Fairly wide range of ages. I don't know many truly wealthy people, so I don't know if they do coke. I see it more among middle-class and working-class background folks who are doing ok financially but aren't rich.
posted by desuetude at 9:58 PM on September 15, 2015 [4 favorites]

So you had to pretend like you were buying that four foot skull bong with the pot leafs on it for smoking tobacco. If you even hinted that you were going to smoke marijuana rumor had it they'd kick you out of there like some sort of bong store soup Nazi

"Contemporary Tobacco Smoking Accessories"
posted by madajb at 12:14 AM on September 16, 2015

I'd say that cocaine culture still very much exists in food service; though meth is probably eating it's lunch these days.

Something like 80% of the people i know who work in service do coke. It's definitely not just a stereotype. I'd actually say more musicians are really uptight and "eww that's gross", but anybody who works in a bar or a restaurant? If they're not doing it, they probably used to. Quite a few of them won't like, admit that they're into it but if someone offers to pick up or puts it in front of them they're onboard.

If anything is eating it's lunch, it's adderall and similar dirt cheap to acquire prescription stimulants.

The weird one to me is i know a bunch of people who are all "eh, i don't really smoke weed anymore" but coke? sure.
posted by emptythought at 12:58 AM on September 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

The thing was, you couldn't admit you were going to use these products for drugs, because drugs are illegal and wrong. So you had to pretend like you were buying that four foot skull bong with the pot leafs on it for smoking tobacco. If you even hinted that you were going to smoke marijuana rumor had it they'd kick you out of there like some sort of bong store soup Nazi.

One of the funniest things I've ever seen was a trio of Actual Dirtbag Teens trying to buy an expensive Vaping Thing and flat out refusing to engage in the fiction that it was for tobacco, so the clerk is getting more annoyed but really wants to make the sale so every time Dirtbag Teen said something like "so you put the bud in there.." He would ANGRILY CORRECT them.
posted by The Whelk at 3:54 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Also that one time I was at a party at some Wall Street jerk's place and it dawned on me why every stick of furniture had a shiny, black, semi-reflective surface.
posted by The Whelk at 3:56 PM on September 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

(That being said yeah the prescription stuff is way more popular, even in fashion circles.)
posted by The Whelk at 3:57 PM on September 16, 2015

"Well, the extra long pinkie fingernail did double duty sometimes."

Super common in Southeast Asian guys, actually.

"Is there still a coke culture?"

Here in LA, kind of. Or, there are a lot of actors and musicians who do coke, along with some hipsters. But I only really know this because I was a boss and had to have awkward conversations about how if you kept getting the sniffles, you were probably too sick to work.

Oddly, the only time I've ever really done coke was with a MeFite. I used to say the only time was when I drunkenly bought some on the street in Barcelona, but $5 worth of street "coke" isn't worth logging on Erowid.

(The night I sent my brother off with some prostitutes in the hope of scuttling his engagement! Good times.)
posted by klangklangston at 4:18 PM on September 16, 2015

I went to a wedding last year in which coke was busted out at the afterparty when the crowd thinned. Several of us over-forty-year-olds were amused when the younger (thirtysomething) folk tried to cut it with a kitchen knife and then snort it without a guiding mechanism. We were all, "Don't you kids have credit cards and cash?" until someone donated IIRC an expired AAA card and a tightly rolled bill. I left, figuring that the conversational monomania sure to ensue would be as tedious as it ever was.
posted by goofyfoot at 5:28 PM on September 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

It's interesting the discrepancy between some, which are obviously circumspect about being paraphernalia, and others that are like USE THIS OBJECT FOR YOUR COCAINE

in the 90s, drug war hysteria meant head shops would kick you out for using the word "bong."
Isn't this still true, at least in some head shops? I remember at least getting a serious glare when I said the word a few years ago.
posted by goodnight to the rock n roll era at 9:22 PM on September 16, 2015

Weirdly enough even in legal-weed washington, the head shops are still "smoke shops", and even though some people opened up a legal weed store and a bong shop, they're required to be in separate side by side storefronts/structures and you're not allowed to call the blatantly-weed-devices at the store with the same logo and everything as the weed store bongs and stuff.

It's really REALLY silly.
posted by emptythought at 10:32 PM on September 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

I'd actually say more musicians are really uptight and "eww that's gross"

I suppose that depends on what scene you run with, because my experience has been different from this.
posted by snottydick at 8:08 AM on September 17, 2015

"I understood this to be a style thing indicating the bearer did not engage in manual labor for a living, rather than a built in coke spoon or ear wax digger."

I think that's because whomever you asked didn't just wanna say, "Nah, I pick my nose with it." I've heard a couple people describe it as a "utility nail," and both of them did jobs that involved using their hands (one had the only truck on an island, so was the designated hauler for pretty much everything; the other was a maintenance guy and breakdance instructor). Who knows — maybe they were snowing me.
posted by klangklangston at 3:16 PM on September 17, 2015