CORBYN CRONY'S LUST FOR BLOOD
October 3, 2015 6:57 AM   Subscribe

Can You Survive A Week As Jeremy Corbyn? The press hates you, lots of your party hates you – can you make it through a week without resigning? (NSFW, Buzzfeed, Choose Your Own Adventure format)
posted by Wordshore (33 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite


 
I managed to end the week in triumph by refusing to use a patriotic flyer as substitute toilet paper at home, thereby inadvertently nauseating Andrew Marr into submission during a subsequent interview.
posted by kewb at 7:05 AM on October 3, 2015 [3 favorites]


I went out wiping my bum with a picture of the Queen, the way I'd want to.
posted by Artw at 7:07 AM on October 3, 2015 [19 favorites]


TOO REAL.
posted by toerinishuman at 7:14 AM on October 3, 2015 [3 favorites]


I feel like I'm trapped in one of Corbyn's actual dreams. Not a nightmare mind you, those are much worse these days.
posted by wotsac at 7:23 AM on October 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


I kept looking for the "why should I give a wet shit what the Mail publishes? Did Clement Atlee feel the need to respond to Der Sturmer each week?" option.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:26 AM on October 3, 2015 [10 favorites]


That was more stressful than it should have been. On the plus side, I had the same exit as Artw, so there is some pride left.
posted by kalimac at 7:43 AM on October 3, 2015 [3 favorites]


Relevant: How Jeremy Corbyn is being misquoted by the Tory press (from Private Eye)
posted by chavenet at 8:16 AM on October 3, 2015 [3 favorites]


The Swedish ambassador IS a shit uncle, so whatevs, but dammit, Benjamin really screwed up by booking my big FoPo speech on the same day as England's key match in the Rugby World Cup. WTF is he paid for but to avoid scheduling cockups like that?
posted by notyou at 8:17 AM on October 3, 2015 [3 favorites]


I got so annoyed by the constant nonsense headlines I had a go at automated them.
Corbyn Headlines

The problem is the real ones are too ridiculous, so mine just look sensible.
(Although I did scoop the Irn Bru story by a whole day)
I've got a stack of great nonsense from the Express waiting to be integrated into the system when I have some time, so that might improve things a bit
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 8:20 AM on October 3, 2015 [8 favorites]


Ok, so, I know the press hates him, and relishes everything that could be slightly misconstrued. But, why didn't he sing the national anthem? Is that something that politicians regularly do? Was he making some statement? It seemed like a boneheaded move to make.
posted by graventy at 9:05 AM on October 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


i too have wiped my bum with the queen
posted by poffin boffin at 9:08 AM on October 3, 2015 [3 favorites]


Metafilter appears to be a rigorously practical place as regards toilet visits and pictures of monarchs.
posted by Artw at 9:12 AM on October 3, 2015 [3 favorites]


Someone needs to do the future US version for President Trump.
posted by Bringer Tom at 9:15 AM on October 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


If you don't think President Trump is going to have the bulk of the U.S. Media fawning over his every step you don't really know America. That shitbag is going to be beloved.
posted by Artw at 9:21 AM on October 3, 2015 [8 favorites]


Ok, so, I know the press hates him, and relishes everything that could be slightly misconstrued. But, why didn't he sing the national anthem? Is that something that politicians regularly do? Was he making some statement? It seemed like a boneheaded move to make.

Short version: Our anthem is about the Queen (or King) - not the country. If you're a republican, and a fair few people in this country are, then it thus feels a bit false.

So the polite thing to do if you feel strongly about this stuff is to stand respectfully silent. Which is what Corbyn did, and what plenty of other politicians, footballers and normal people do on a regular basis.

Indeed this is why there are periodic murmurings about changing the anthem, although they never seem to get anywhere.
posted by garius at 9:21 AM on October 3, 2015 [26 favorites]


I mean, as it is, we already leave out the verse about crushing rebellious Scots.
posted by garius at 9:23 AM on October 3, 2015 [12 favorites]


The queen and god even.
So if you are an atheist republican then you would doubly not sing it. This is not uncommon.

If he had sung it then he'd have been called a hypocrite in the papers. This is not about smooth media management, it's about an insanely partisan and unaccountable press waging a war.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 9:37 AM on October 3, 2015 [8 favorites]


1. God save our gracious Queen
Long live our noble Queen
God save the Queen
Send her victorious
Happy and glorious
Long to reign over us
God save the Queen

2. O Lord our God arise
Scatter her enemies
And make them fall
Confound their politics
Frustrate their knavish tricks
On Thee our hopes we fix
God save us all

3. Thy choicest gifts in store
On her be pleased to pour
Long may she reign
May she defend our laws
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice
God save the Queen

4. Not in this land alone
But be God's mercies known
From shore to shore
Lord make the nations see
That men should brothers be
And form one family
The wide world over

5. From every latent foe
From the assassins blow
God save the Queen
O'er her thine arm extend
For Britain's sake defend
Our mother, prince, and friend
God save the Queen

6. Lord grant that Marshal Wade
May by thy mighty aid
Victory bring
May he sedition hush
And like a torrent rush
Rebellious Scots to crush
God save the Queen
posted by Wordshore at 9:39 AM on October 3, 2015 [6 favorites]




Oh, ok, thanks. I was visiting at the time, and the newspapers had little to offer but GASP THE NERVE OF THAT MAN and LOOK HERE HE IS SLOUCHING DURING THE SERVICE. It made me roll my eyes pretty hard but the anthem thing as an American it seemed like a political misstep.

Of course we still are required to sing 'God Bless the USA' during every baseball game, so I just expect needless patriotism.
posted by graventy at 9:46 AM on October 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


By MetaFilter's own flashboy.
posted by greycap at 10:24 AM on October 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


I used to get all grumpy about the national anthem at sporting events (at hockey games sometimes there are two!), until one time, three beers in, I started singing along, and that's my routine now, beers or no. Just belt it out right along with the crooner and the organist. It's my song too, you know.

So that's my advice to J Corb the next time this comes up. Get properly shitfaced on the car ride over and sing right along.
posted by notyou at 10:29 AM on October 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


Sex Pistols version all the way.
posted by Artw at 10:50 AM on October 3, 2015 [11 favorites]


No toilet paper. Panic attack. Shut it down.
posted by Splunge at 10:55 AM on October 3, 2015 [1 favorite]


why isn't he wearing a flag pin on his lapel???
posted by indubitable at 10:56 AM on October 3, 2015 [3 favorites]


The American Media (NYT, CNN as well as FoxNooz) is taking notes here for how to handle the possibility of Bernie Sanders as Democratic nominee. Yep, Trump is going to get the Royal Treatment by comparison. Of course, right now, some of the media friendliest to Sanders is providing them future ammunition: See The Nightly Show's "Weekend at Bernie Sanders".
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:08 AM on October 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


NO, YOU'RE A SHIT-UNCLE
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:26 PM on October 3, 2015 [6 favorites]


The American Media (NYT, CNN as well as FoxNooz) is taking notes here for how to handle the possibility of Bernie Sanders as Democratic nominee.

All US media will have to do is run the word "socialist" under Bernie's picture and Pavlov's electorate will do the rest.
posted by Thorzdad at 2:07 PM on October 3, 2015 [2 favorites]


Corbyn's plans will destroy hugging.

Our long nightmare is over!
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:16 PM on October 3, 2015 [3 favorites]


Luckily his avoidance of the rugby now seems prescient.
posted by fullerine at 5:14 AM on October 4, 2015 [5 favorites]


Apparently I cannot, for Buzzfeed has declined to provide me with anything to click upon. Iceweasel 38.0.1, Debian Jessie amd64, Adblock Plus. Too bad, so sad.
posted by flabdablet at 7:54 AM on October 4, 2015


I naturalised in the UK.

I went into my local council's office, and the borough mayor bestowed upon me the proof of citizenship that I had earned through processes beginning years back and having nearly nothing at all to do with the borough council.

Then came the moment:
Now is the part of the ceremony where we play the national anthem. Listen, this is not a requirement. None of you have to sing along. In fact, you may notice that none of us will be singing along.
It was the first "national anthem" in history, and as such is more of a Hymn of Fealty. Government officials go without singing this thing during citizenship ceremonies. That's like saying the Pledge of Allegiance is an annoying anachronism during a US citizenship ceremony.

The best bit was the sound bed they played behind the rest of the event. What would you expect for such a thing? Syrupy Elgar pageantry? Perhaps Handel–he was an immigrant to Britain! Ooh, ooh, how about Benjamin Britten? His name even sounds like "Britain"!

No. They played Aaron Copland: Fanfare for the Common Man. I love that borough and miss it dearly.

posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 1:43 PM on October 4, 2015 [7 favorites]


It was the first "national anthem" in history, and as such is more of a Hymn of Fealty. Government officials go without singing this thing during citizenship ceremonies.

That's because it's a horrible dirge. George IV got so sick of having to listen to it that he pleaded for people to perform it differently. Elizabeth II won't even comment on it. It's awful. The only national anthem I can think of that I dislike more than GSTQ is Advance Australia Fair.
posted by flabdablet at 6:24 PM on October 4, 2015


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