But where's the Coffee Shop AU?
October 6, 2015 8:36 AM   Subscribe

As a tenth-anniversary surprise, Stephenie Meyer released a genderswapped version of Twilight this morning, in which Bella and Edward are replaced by Beau and Edyth. EW calls it a Twilight Surprise. Cleolinda (of Movies in 15 Minutes fame) is doing a read-along on Twitter under the hashtag #sparkletime.
posted by suelac (101 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
 


Yay! The race-to-the-bottom approach to gender parity!
posted by schmod at 8:43 AM on October 6, 2015 [8 favorites]


I'm reminded of some old Scrooge McDuck cartoon I saw, where Scrooge got worried because his swimming pool of gold and treasure was down to the 20-foot mark, and decided to take prompt action. I expect Meyer's work was along the same lines.
posted by Countess Elena at 8:44 AM on October 6, 2015 [33 favorites]


"@Hello_Tailor: I hope the genderbent Twilight book gives us butch girl Jacob Black running around in a sports bra."
posted by The Whelk at 8:45 AM on October 6, 2015 [6 favorites]


Does "Beau Swan" get carried around by the other characters like a teacup chihuahua in a purse, just like Bella does? Because otherwise it's not the same character.
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:45 AM on October 6, 2015 [17 favorites]


I want to mock this, but this has to be the easiest way I've seen someone capitalize on earlier success.
posted by graventy at 8:46 AM on October 6, 2015 [7 favorites]


tenth-anniversary

HOLY SHIT
posted by shakespeherian at 8:47 AM on October 6, 2015 [39 favorites]


guys she got people to buy fanfic

EVERYTHING IS PERMITTED
posted by selfnoise at 8:47 AM on October 6, 2015 [19 favorites]


If this accomplishes any human good at all, it would be by bringing back the name Edythe and variant spellings, the way Twilight did for Bella. Edith is a fine ancient name.
posted by Countess Elena at 8:48 AM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


guys she got people to buy fanfic

EVERYTHING IS PERMITTED


... did you miss the whole 50 Shades thing?
posted by suelac at 8:49 AM on October 6, 2015 [23 favorites]


Well you liked that one thing I did before, right? I can do it again! I'll swap some stuff around this time and do it again!

She's like the Kevin Smith of bad romance porn.
posted by Naberius at 8:49 AM on October 6, 2015 [5 favorites]


Also, will E.L. James follow suit by doing a CTRL-R on all gender pronouns in the Fifty Shades books?
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:50 AM on October 6, 2015 [5 favorites]


Cleolinda (of Movies in 15 Minutes fame)

Cleolinda was also one of the original big name Twilight snarkers.
posted by kmz at 8:51 AM on October 6, 2015 [3 favorites]


Gender swapping seems to be having a "moment" in fandom right now? Or is that just me? I definitely feel like there's been a significant uptick in the number of gender-swapped Harry Potter stories I've been seeing lately compared to years past, although maybe that's just because people have run out of other ideas?
posted by Wretch729 at 8:53 AM on October 6, 2015


The foreword is posted on Twitter. One part stood out to me:

"I got to fix almost every word that has bothered me since the book was printed, and it was glorious."

Twilight isn't a great book, not by any stretch, but I don't think many authors go back to their first book and totally re-edit it. We're not talking Twilight with swapped genders here; we're talking Twilight revisited with ten years of writing experience.

And, to be fair, it might still be a bad story. But it's one I'm slightly more interested in reading.
posted by LSK at 8:56 AM on October 6, 2015 [5 favorites]


As mentioned on Twitter, she went with Edyth when the name EDEN was RIGHT THERE FOR THE APPLE SYMBOL TAKING

(Ugh I have a Beaux in my most recent fanfic thing and now I feel weird)
posted by The Whelk at 9:00 AM on October 6, 2015 [9 favorites]


Twilight Surprise would have been a good title for a My Little Pony crossover.
posted by ardgedee at 9:01 AM on October 6, 2015 [15 favorites]


ten years of writing experience

lol though.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:10 AM on October 6, 2015 [25 favorites]


Gender swapping seems to be having a "moment" in fandom right now? Or is that just me? I definitely feel like there's been a significant uptick in the number of gender-swapped Harry Potter stories I've been seeing lately compared to years past, although maybe that's just because people have run out of other ideas?


Nah, it's been around and super-popular for ages. Back in her fanfiction days more than a decade ago, Naomi Novik wrote a hugely, hugely popular Master and Commander that had fem!Jack Aubrey, IIRC. And I can't count the number of super-popular Steve/Tony fics that have been circulating for years with one or both them as feminine versions of themselves, to the point where there was the first wave of fics that did it, the backlash to the wave of fics, and then the backlash-to-the-backlash.

But fandoms do go through phases of things that are popular. It sounds like Harry Potter might be having a moment now.

(By the way, a lot of people feel that genderswap is a transphobic/cissexist term, in that it assumes that there are only two genders that can be "swapped", or that cis dude or cis lady are the only genders. Genderbend or genderslide is getting a lot more traction these days as being more inclusive of trans identities and nonbinary ones.

There are also fandom folks who feel that genderslide/genderbending is inherently transphobic/cissexist, but I'll admit to never really grasping the argument, so I can't really speak to it.)
posted by joyceanmachine at 9:17 AM on October 6, 2015 [6 favorites]


In related news, Rainbow Rowell's new novel Carry On is available today. This is the novel with which the characters in her novel Fangirl were obsessed, and about which they wrote reams of Harry/Draco Simon/Baz slash.

Interestingly complicated meta, there.
posted by suelac at 9:17 AM on October 6, 2015 [8 favorites]


"@LJmysticowl: @cleolindajones imagine the sexual politics of book 3 with the gender-swap? Bella had her racy lingerie, and Beau would have... ?"
posted by The Whelk at 9:21 AM on October 6, 2015


God dammit, I never wanna read anyone live tweet anything. I want to go to livejournal and read Cleolinda's recaps long form the way they were meant to be written.
posted by that's how you get ants at 9:28 AM on October 6, 2015 [16 favorites]


Beaux

Doesn't the X indicate a plural? So wouldn't you have multiple Beaus (you Casanova you)? Or is it one individual Beau who nonetheless encompasses a multitude of Beaus, so that you can see them writhing around just underneath his skin?
posted by Panjandrum at 9:29 AM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


American naming conventions defy grammar and God.
posted by The Whelk at 9:39 AM on October 6, 2015 [13 favorites]


The name Beau as a stereotypically hotguy name confuses me. I'm from Texas. I've known humans named Beau. Guys named Beau exist in the meathead/hick spectrum, not the hunky/suave spectrum.
posted by cmoj at 9:45 AM on October 6, 2015 [7 favorites]


Apparently Emmet is now Eleanor and if she's not some kind of awesome butch jock lady I'm going to be SO DISAPPOINTED.
posted by angeline at 9:47 AM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


But how is she going to continue the moralizing Mormon slut shaming where your first sex act results in a vampire baby?
posted by T.D. Strange at 10:01 AM on October 6, 2015 [6 favorites]


"@LJmysticowl: @cleolindajones imagine the sexual politics of book 3 with the gender-swap? Bella had her racy lingerie, and Beau would have... ?"

A jockstrap, duh.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:02 AM on October 6, 2015


But how is she going to continue the moralizing Mormon slut shaming where your first sex act results in a vampire baby?

Edythe is just gonna have to gnaw on her own womb. As one does.
posted by rewil at 10:03 AM on October 6, 2015 [5 favorites]


American Mormon naming conventions defy grammar and God.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:11 AM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


the original book was written about a wet dream featuring the most perfect man she could imagine, joseph smith (who was an abusive prophet prone to chasing underage girls, but i digress...) - so is edythe emma? but emma was never portrayed as beautiful and something to aspire to...maybe mary? but mary is rarely sexualized. since she's mormon - maybe the heavenly mother? but again, she is always portrayed as motherly and wifely, not a pure sex symbol...
posted by nadawi at 10:17 AM on October 6, 2015


Oh, this is Orson Scott Card-level milking of the franchise. You have to hand it to her, when she re-re-re-releases the book for the 50th anniversary and all the characters are vampire chihuahuas, who'll have the last laugh then?
posted by xingcat at 10:40 AM on October 6, 2015 [4 favorites]


Each iteration must be another fanficy convention like the next one is set in the 1800s.
posted by The Whelk at 10:42 AM on October 6, 2015 [4 favorites]


Obviously, the solution is to have Edythe be a kind of imortal anglerfish, with the vestigial gonads of the various men she has absorbed in cinematic eons past grafted to her body like fleshy medallions of conquest. She palpates them tenderly every night as she watches Beau work out on his garage squat rack.
posted by [expletive deleted] at 10:42 AM on October 6, 2015 [13 favorites]


Twilight Surprise would have been a good title for a My Little Pony crossover.

All sparkling, all the time.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:46 AM on October 6, 2015 [2 favorites]


Beau is short for Beaufort, at least in Ms. Meyer's creative mind.
I call my bad shots in archery bowfarts. ..Beauforts from here on out.
posted by Fig at 10:46 AM on October 6, 2015


Beaufort Swan sounds like a name you'd give an actual swan.
posted by The Whelk at 10:50 AM on October 6, 2015 [39 favorites]


Obviously, the solution is to have Edythe be a kind of imortal anglerfish, with the vestigial gonads of the various men she has absorbed in cinematic eons past grafted to her body like fleshy medallions of conquest.

So Meyer's ripping off Iain Banks now?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:57 AM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


Each iteration must be another fanficy convention like the next one is set in the 1800s.

Or, perhaps, something far more terrifying
posted by showbiz_liz at 11:00 AM on October 6, 2015 [3 favorites]


why the fuck did I click on that
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:05 AM on October 6, 2015 [20 favorites]


I'm interested to see if this is a genderswap like we've seen done to Sherlock Holmes and the like, or if she rewrote it so that Beaux is more active, and Edyth is less textbook abusive?

Cuz a straight genderswap could be pretty interesting just to see how people react to seeing a man being treated the way Meyer treated her female character. But if she rewrote it so that Beaux isn't so utterly vapid, empty, and perfect victim as Bella then meh.
posted by sotonohito at 11:09 AM on October 6, 2015 [3 favorites]


why the fuck did I click on that

because if you have the strength to go on after knowing that people want stories about seductive anal secretions and dog peens, you can do anything
posted by poffin boffin at 11:12 AM on October 6, 2015 [11 favorites]


Also, will E.L. James follow suit by doing a CTRL-R on all gender pronouns in the Fifty Shades books?

*wails, makes sign against evil*

Fucking hell, I'm sure the silly bint's index fingers are frantically pecking at her keyboard as we speak, but don't give her any extra encouragment.

I've mentioned in other threads that I had to read the initial 50 Shades trilogy out of self defense after the words "spreader bar" and "butt plug" fell from my mother's lips. As of yet, I have failed to gird my loins and read the latest apparently anthropomorphized-cock-centric offering. Luckily Ma seems to be super busy of late, so I have somewhat of a brief reprieve before our next in-person visit. Until then, I am keeping my toddler on hand as a smut shield during ALL Skyping.
posted by romakimmy at 11:12 AM on October 6, 2015 [3 favorites]


because if you have the strength to go on after knowing that people want stories about seductive anal secretions and dog peens, you can do anything

Incidentally, I only found out about that stuff in the first place after seeing you rant about how horrible it is on tumblr, so THANKS A LOT
posted by showbiz_liz at 11:13 AM on October 6, 2015 [2 favorites]


this is my design
posted by poffin boffin at 11:14 AM on October 6, 2015 [10 favorites]


because if you have the strength to go on after knowing that people want stories about seductive anal secretions and dog peens, you can do anything

If 'anything' includes 'hiding on my sofa under a blanket crying' then we're all set
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:16 AM on October 6, 2015 [3 favorites]


E. L. James has already done the OSC pioneered "rewrite from a different perspective" trick, with the first 50 Shades book from the perspective of the abusive dude.
posted by kmz at 11:18 AM on October 6, 2015


wait wait
what of charlie's mustache
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:26 AM on October 6, 2015


Twilight isn't a great book, not by any stretch, but I don't think many authors go back to their first book and totally re-edit it. We're not talking Twilight with swapped genders here; we're talking Twilight revisited with ten years of writing experience.

Paging Mr. Lucas. Mr. Lucas, you're wanted at the blue courtesy phone.
posted by schmod at 11:40 AM on October 6, 2015 [5 favorites]


Eh, I have a hard time getting worked up about seductive anal secretions and dog penises. People have weird kinks, details at 10, film at 11. So what? Long as they aren't doing anything harmful or without the consent of all parties involved (which I'd argue excludes actual bestiality as opposed to fantasy as animals are not really competent to consent to sex), I'm pretty much ok with anything. I can't say I really want the details, but neither do I get really grossed out by knowing that yes, there are some people who really get off on the idea of blowing up other people like party balloons, or vore, or whatever.

Maybe I'm jaded by all my internetting, but honestly I've been aware of furries for so long that they don't even ping my weird meter anymore. They can yiff, knot, and anally secrete all they want without triggering a sofa hiding event from me.

As for Fifty Shades, despite being horribly wrong about issues of consent (something it shares in abundance with its parent material) and presenting some stuff about BSDM in a way that would be laughably wrong if it weren't for the risk that a lot of the readers will be taking it seriously, I'm cautiously optimistic that Fifty Shades is helping numerous Americans, who otherwise wouldn't, at least **THINK** about the existence of kinky sex in a less judgmental way.

If that involves people's moms talking about spreader bars and butt plugs, well, perhaps TMI for their adult children, but I see that as acceptable collateral damage.

As for Meyer, did she actually improve her writing over time? I did try once to read Twilight, but the terrible writing made me put it down after only fifty or sixty pages. She seemed to have a gift for finding a word that was almost, but not quite, totally wrong for what she was describing and using it instead of the right word. Did she get better by the time she finished the series or moved on to her alien mind control fantasy thing?
posted by sotonohito at 11:43 AM on October 6, 2015 [3 favorites]


I think it's worth looking at why it's so popular and what that might imply. The popularity of a universe where most of the characters are gay men who are essentially sorted into 2 or 3 separate 'genders,' which happen to align with pretty strictly proscribed sexual and social roles, is kinda unsettling on multiple levels.
posted by showbiz_liz at 11:57 AM on October 6, 2015 [3 favorites]


wait i want to know more about these party balloons
posted by poffin boffin at 11:57 AM on October 6, 2015


Beaux

Doesn't the X indicate a plural?


Actually, that's a typo. It's actually supposed to be Beau X, the secretive Canadian military super-hunk program. Obviously there's going to be a scene where B4-4 arrives to forcibly take our hero home...
posted by happyroach at 12:00 PM on October 6, 2015 [2 favorites]


For maximum terror I await the version where all the vampires are swapped out for clowns.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:13 PM on October 6, 2015 [3 favorites]


For maximum terror I await the version where all the vampires are swapped out for clowns.

Thanks, now I want to hide under blankets.
posted by ultranos at 12:21 PM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


poffin boffin, IIRC the fetish is called inflation. I'm sure if you google "inflation fetish" you'll learn more than you ever wanted to know.
posted by sotonohito at 12:22 PM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


showbiz_liz, wait. Are you talking about 50 Shades? I had no idea it was mostly populated by gay men based on stereotypes.
posted by sotonohito at 12:23 PM on October 6, 2015


showbiz_liz, wait. Are you talking about 50 Shades? I had no idea it was mostly populated by gay men based on stereotypes.

No no, I'm talking about that Alpha/Omega fanfic stuff
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:24 PM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


"A clown is not a sparkly vampire. A clown is not a big spooky face ..."
posted by octobersurprise at 12:24 PM on October 6, 2015


I'm interested to see if this is a genderswap like we've seen done to Sherlock Holmes and the like, or if she rewrote it so that Beaux is more active, and Edyth is less textbook abusive?


My understanding is that it's straight genderswap, dialog unchanged. Which actually makes it a pretty interesting project to read the two side by side and see how the exact same thing, said in the exact same context, changes meaning when said by a man rather than by a woman and vice versa.

Meyer has said that her motivation to write this included wanting to answer criticism that Bella is merely a damsel in distress and instead show that the love story works either way.
http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/books/2015/10/06/life-and-death-twilight-reimagined-gender-swap-edward-bella-stephenie-meyer/73435064/
posted by pocketfullofrye at 12:29 PM on October 6, 2015 [5 favorites]


According to Cleolinda it seems to be lightly revised in a good way. I get the impression it's slightly less clunky.

Also this

"INTERESTING: Charlie putting on snow chains makes Bella feel cared for. Beau feels guilty--he should have taken care of Charlie #sparkletime"
posted by The Whelk at 12:36 PM on October 6, 2015 [3 favorites]


pocketfullofrye, yeah but doesn't it also say that she did a George Lucas and edited the book to "improve" it? That leaves a lot of room for subtly, or not so subtly, taking some of the most abusive parts of the Bella/Edward relationship out.
posted by sotonohito at 12:37 PM on October 6, 2015


instead show that the love story works either way.

abusively?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:42 PM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


@sotonohito, hmmm, I hadn’t read that anywhere.

My information is coming from a friend who is a superfan and a feminist. She says she’s discovering a lot of internalized sexism as she responds differently to something when Edyth says or does it than to when Edward did.
posted by pocketfullofrye at 12:45 PM on October 6, 2015 [2 favorites]


Kinda sorta derail:

The popularity of a universe where most of the characters are gay men who are essentially sorted into 2 or 3 separate 'genders,' which happen to align with pretty strictly proscribed sexual and social roles, is kinda unsettling on multiple levels.

I mean, even setting aside how a/b/o fic is super-weird because of how much focuses on relationships between dudes, some of which might have to do with its origins in the slash community -- the entirety of a/b/o, as a concept, is deeply, deeply unsettling. Personally, I'm super creeped-out by how much of the time, the idea is to start with this super-creepy, super-body-horror, super rape-culture-is-biologically-justified setup, and then show how you can get to a happy ending through the power of true love?????

But that's, like, Fandom Studies 501, grad level with field work requirement. By comparison, Meyer doing a straight line-for-line genderslide is Fandom Studies 102: So You Heard About Shipping! What's Next?
posted by joyceanmachine at 12:48 PM on October 6, 2015 [7 favorites]


103 - Why Coffee Houses?
posted by The Whelk at 12:49 PM on October 6, 2015 [4 favorites]


Now I just want them to remake the movie with Kristen Stewart as Beau, dressed exactly how she was in the Jenny Lewis Video.

They can recast Edward/Edyth.
posted by Roommate at 12:51 PM on October 6, 2015 [6 favorites]


Oooh there some super interesting little changes to the text apparently

"OKAY THIS IS SUPER SUPER INTERESTING. Edward: "The full, devastating power of his eyes on me," one line.

Edythe: "Like her eyes were drugging me, hypnotizing me. It was devastating in a weird, exciting way." Son, you been glamoured. #s[arkletime "
posted by The Whelk at 12:52 PM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]




Stephenie Meyer and Donald Trump deserve each other, and in a parallel, more perfect world they meet up early on, and do unspeakable things to each other instead of to the audiences of the world.
posted by IAmBroom at 1:16 PM on October 6, 2015


50 Shades Of Winn-Bigly: a very kinky story of a rich man, a woman, and a grocery store chain.
posted by octobersurprise at 1:25 PM on October 6, 2015


"@LJmysticowl: @cleolindajones imagine the sexual politics of book 3 with the gender-swap? Bella had her racy lingerie, and Beau would have... ?"

A jockstrap, duh.


I would have gone with "Zardoz cosplay."
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:54 PM on October 6, 2015


Back in her fanfiction days more than a decade ago, Naomi Novik wrote a hugely, hugely popular Master and Commander that had fem!Jack Aubrey, IIRC.

I'm listening.
posted by jokeefe at 2:10 PM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


Beau and Edyth

...yep, still Mormon.
posted by Foosnark at 2:18 PM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm a bit puzzled by fanfic's continued fetishization (and in some cases complete misunderstanding of) of homosexuality. And then how they seem to take it way, way, way off the deep end with that α/β/ω thing, which... barf.

I dunno, it's about as strange as watching yaoi and seeing that it has almost no relation to the gay relationships I've seen or been a part of.
posted by qcubed at 2:27 PM on October 6, 2015 [4 favorites]


Oh god. Wait until somebody tells her about regular expressions.
posted by schmod at 2:58 PM on October 6, 2015 [3 favorites]


Bella and Beau sounds like an enterprising brand of handmade children's clothing.
posted by cobain_angel at 3:14 PM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


I am amazed that Ctrl-F '63' on this page and both of the linked articles yields no results.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:16 PM on October 6, 2015


wait wait
what of charlie's mustache


Weirdly, the parents weren't genderswapped, from what I can tell.
posted by maryr at 3:21 PM on October 6, 2015


Sexy sparkly knotted wereclown vampires secreting furry blankets. Copy, roger wilco.
posted by loquacious at 3:33 PM on October 6, 2015


You know, at the end of this flesh fractal nightmare there's just one pulsating mass of all tomorrow's fetishes all the time, vigoriusly pleasuring itself like a gelatiniously quivering molded meat salad, all weiners and aspic.
posted by loquacious at 3:40 PM on October 6, 2015 [4 favorites]


I'm listening.

BEHOLD, complete with truly amazing early aughts computer photoshop fanart.

In terms of being able to draw a line directly between her work as a fanfic writer and a pro writer, the premise of this story may be familiar if you have read her Temeraire books, which I swear to God, I'm convinced started out as a fanfic where Stephen Maturin is a dragon that imprints on Jack Aubrey.

(Caveat: I like a lot of this writer's work in a lot of fandoms, but won't touch her SPN fic which is on that site with a 12 foot pole for reasons, including without limitation, the epically terrible and not-well-warned-for and poorly considered Wincest. I would talk more coherently about it, except there is a fic where Sam and Dean go to Hogwarts and have joyous unproblematic sex in a unicorn paddock, and well. I may have spent 20+ years in fandom, but I am not fandom enough for that.)
posted by joyceanmachine at 3:54 PM on October 6, 2015 [5 favorites]


I'm a bit puzzled by fanfic's continued fetishization (and in some cases complete misunderstanding of) of homosexuality. And then how they seem to take it way, way, way off the deep end with that α/β/ω thing, which... barf.

That discussion has been had here before, and went nowhere.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:57 PM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


her Temeraire books, which I swear to God, I'm convinced started out as a fanfic where Stephen Maturin is a dragon that imprints on Jack Aubrey.

Hasn't she said as much in interviews?
posted by showbiz_liz at 3:57 PM on October 6, 2015


Hasn't she said as much in interviews?

That would make a lot of sense. :D (I'm not really in the Temeraire fandom, though I've read all of the published books.)
posted by joyceanmachine at 3:59 PM on October 6, 2015


Metafilter: just one pulsating mass of all tomorrow's fetishes all the time, vigoriusly pleasuring itself like a gelatiniously quivering molded meat salad

(couldn't resist)
posted by Tknophobia at 5:19 PM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


The really, really sad part of this for me is that Robert Pattinson is no longer being paid to publicly mock Twilight-related things [previously], and unfortunately, I doubt he'll mock it for free. Bummer.
posted by FelliniBlank at 6:33 PM on October 6, 2015


Or, perhaps, something far more terrifying

Oh god, and I didn't think the "vampire baby womb chewing thing" could possibly get any more creepy than it already was, but yes, indeed, it could.
posted by FelliniBlank at 6:43 PM on October 6, 2015


No, see, OG Twilight had RPattz hating it, but this new universe has The Rock kind of digging it.
posted by rewil at 7:33 PM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


Back in her fanfiction days more than a decade ago, Naomi Novik wrote a hugely, hugely popular Master and Commander that had fem!Jack Aubrey, IIRC.

She's still writing fanfiction, just to clarify - different fandoms right now but she's definitely still writing.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 8:02 PM on October 6, 2015


Say, now that I'm reading the Cleolinda tweets, I have a terrible urge to read this book. I have never read any of the Twilight books and only saw the first movie. Would that be a fun experiment, or an exercise in self-torture?
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:17 PM on October 6, 2015


God dammit, I never wanna read anyone live tweet anything. I want to go to livejournal and read Cleolinda's recaps long form the way they were meant to be written.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Seriously, reading shit one sentence at a time in backwards order--FUCK THAT. Or having to read through endless Storify pics of Twitter screenshots.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:37 PM on October 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


this new universe has The Rock kind of digging it.

Oh, The Rock, no. Don't whistle at ladies in the weight room; that's rude.
posted by Panjandrum at 7:10 AM on October 7, 2015


Beau is short for Beaufort

That just makes me think of this.
posted by Tentacle of Trust at 9:05 AM on October 7, 2015


Would that be a fun experiment, or an exercise in self-torture?

it depends on what your tolerance is for generically terrible writing. the majority of it is not really HILARIOUSLY terrible or floridly terrible or in any way notable in any extremes of terribility. it's mostly just bad, the kind of badness that you feel betrayed by for being so unremarkable.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:11 AM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


the majority of it is not really HILARIOUSLY terrible or floridly terrible or in any way notable in any extremes of terribility.

Yeah, you have to go with something like The Bridges of Madison County (portions of which I have done dramatic readings of with friends on the phone) to get that level of truly wonderful godawfulness.
posted by FelliniBlank at 11:08 AM on October 7, 2015


Say, now that I'm reading the Cleolinda tweets, I have a terrible urge to read this book. I have never read any of the Twilight books and only saw the first movie. Would that be a fun experiment, or an exercise in self-torture?

Either way, I can tell you they are selling the double edition at Costco.
posted by maryr at 11:53 AM on October 7, 2015


Doesn't Bella get pregnant and give birth to a vampire baby?*

I wonder if Meyer is planning on genderswapping whatever book the birth happens in, and if so, are we going to get to see her dabble in one of the fandom tropes that is as loathsome (and often co-occurs) with the horror that is alpha/beta/omega: mpreg. (Or male pregnancy for those of you who have been fortunate enough never to encounter that particular story tag.)

*I seem to remember hearing about the birth being weird or violent or something but maybe my brain just helpfully inserted that into my memory because everything else that I've heard about these books, and the part of the first movie that I watched, makes me deeply uncomfortable.
posted by litera scripta manet at 12:11 PM on October 7, 2015


Maybe they'll have to turn Beau so he can bite the baby out? That makes no sense either, so it's a valid plot twist.
posted by maryr at 2:18 PM on October 7, 2015


it's mostly just bad, the kind of badness that you feel betrayed by for being so unremarkable.

Yes! Like, if you're going to be bad, can you at least be interestingly, fantastically, amazingly bad The kind of bad that's fun to pay attention to? Being just sort of written by a 14 year old and yet getting bajillions of dollars bad is just, who the fuck are you? Give us a reason to pay attention, even if that reason is you are so bad in such an epic way paying attention to you is not a waste of my time.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:24 PM on October 7, 2015


Apparently the further you go in the more rewrites and responding to criticism there is, Cleo laments the loss of the like, naked screaming Id stuff that made the book oddly compelling, like it was 100% totally unintentionally revealing about the author. The rewrite smooths a lot of that over.
posted by The Whelk at 12:52 PM on October 8, 2015


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