Sleep Aid
October 7, 2015 9:03 AM Subscribe
"It’s late, and you’re still awake. Allow us to help with Sleep Aid, a series devoted to curing insomnia with the dullest, most soporific texts available in the public domain."
Includes such somnolent classics as "Congressional Districting in Iowa," Minutes from the 1879 Meeting of the American Society of Microscopists, and The Actual Return Upon Taxable and Tax-Exempt Securities.
WARNING: Not all readers will find all selections equally somnolent. Not for use while driving or operating heavy machinery.
Includes such somnolent classics as "Congressional Districting in Iowa," Minutes from the 1879 Meeting of the American Society of Microscopists, and The Actual Return Upon Taxable and Tax-Exempt Securities.
WARNING: Not all readers will find all selections equally somnolent. Not for use while driving or operating heavy machinery.
Some of the heavy duty film theory I read in school could probably be used to put people into a medically-induced coma.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:12 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:12 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
This is kind of genius. I fall asleep reading anyway. There's a sweet spot of "this is not so boring that my mind completely wanders," tho...
posted by gusandrews at 9:20 AM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by gusandrews at 9:20 AM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
"A Practical Handbook on the Distillation of Alcohol from Farm Products" might keep me awake all night, or at least until I pass out from experimentation.
posted by three blind mice at 9:21 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by three blind mice at 9:21 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Part of my job requires that I am familiar with a particular section of the California Building Code as it relates to a specific form of accessibility compliance. It beats any of the examples in the article.
posted by The Gooch at 9:23 AM on October 7, 2015
posted by The Gooch at 9:23 AM on October 7, 2015
"A Practical Handbook on the Distillation of Alcohol from Farm Products"
I recently had to proofread an investigation of optimising methane production from farm products. Twice. At least your title might have led to cocktails.
posted by biffa at 9:29 AM on October 7, 2015
I recently had to proofread an investigation of optimising methane production from farm products. Twice. At least your title might have led to cocktails.
posted by biffa at 9:29 AM on October 7, 2015
I was hoping that these were audiobooks.
I just opened up and started reading their recommended Straw Hats: Their History and Manufacture. I actually found it kind of interesting. A poor inclusion.
posted by painquale at 9:32 AM on October 7, 2015 [6 favorites]
I just opened up and started reading their recommended Straw Hats: Their History and Manufacture. I actually found it kind of interesting. A poor inclusion.
posted by painquale at 9:32 AM on October 7, 2015 [6 favorites]
What? No Treaty of Westphalia? I mean, sure, we got that, but you know, you'd think a standard-setter like that...
posted by mwhybark at 9:35 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by mwhybark at 9:35 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
I hate to admit this, since it honestly is one of my favorite podcasts, but nevertheless when I'm having serious trouble getting to sleep, sometimes I'll throw on an episode of History of Philosophy Without Any Gaps.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 9:36 AM on October 7, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 9:36 AM on October 7, 2015 [5 favorites]
History of Philosophy Without Any Gaps
Same here. It's all the more remarkable when you consider the episodes are rarely longer that 25 minutes.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 9:40 AM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
Same here. It's all the more remarkable when you consider the episodes are rarely longer that 25 minutes.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 9:40 AM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
+painquale, a lot of that stuff can be plenty interesting. A much better alternative IMHO is to read any old EULA that's handy. You may even dream about all the crazy things you agreed to by opening the box.
posted by Poldo at 9:44 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Poldo at 9:44 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'd recommend my Byzantine history professor's rendition of The Itinerary of Benjamin of Tudela: Not the Interesting Parts, Just the Parts Where He Lists All the Jewish People in each Town He Passed Through. It's an incredibly valuable historical text that no doubt rewards close study, but it should NOT be read continuously in a monotone in an overly warm classroom.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:47 AM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:47 AM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
Surely The Goldfinch is in there somewhere.
posted by OHenryPacey at 9:55 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by OHenryPacey at 9:55 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
It's far from public domain, but thanks to my local library (and Zinio! beautiful, functional Zinio!) I have digital access to The Economist and as much as I like keeping up with its take on the news, I can also depend on it to get me to dreamland within 10 min tops.
posted by psoas at 9:57 AM on October 7, 2015
posted by psoas at 9:57 AM on October 7, 2015
I hate to admit this, since it honestly is one of my favorite podcasts, but nevertheless when I'm having serious trouble getting to sleep, sometimes I'll throw on an episode of History of Philosophy Without Any Gaps.
It's the excellent History of English for me. A subject I adore, but that dude's voice is... just... so.... zzzzzzzz
posted by WidgetAlley at 9:57 AM on October 7, 2015 [4 favorites]
It's the excellent History of English for me. A subject I adore, but that dude's voice is... just... so.... zzzzzzzz
posted by WidgetAlley at 9:57 AM on October 7, 2015 [4 favorites]
I was hoping that these were audiobooks.
Seriously, if they made a podcast of these, it would be well subscribed.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:58 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Seriously, if they made a podcast of these, it would be well subscribed.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:58 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
At one point for work I had to familiarize myself with some abstruse technical details on paint. I learned that the Canadian Paint and Coatings Association website is thorough, but has at least one glaring omission.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:08 AM on October 7, 2015
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:08 AM on October 7, 2015
Like painquale, I was hoping these were audiobooks. I saw some candidates on LibreVox, including an FAA manual and short biographies of every pretender in Europe. There's also a book on cheese.
Nothing quite dull enough, I'm afraid, but it might help.
Also, previous AskMefi
posted by Hactar at 10:09 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Nothing quite dull enough, I'm afraid, but it might help.
Also, previous AskMefi
posted by Hactar at 10:09 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Adding my go-to for sleepytime podcasts: Mike Duncan's History of Rome and Revolutions. They're brilliant, but after a certain hour his voice just kind causes my consciousness to sort of tail off a little and zzzz
posted by phooky at 10:16 AM on October 7, 2015
posted by phooky at 10:16 AM on October 7, 2015
I remember being in college, reading the endless epistolary novel "Clarissa." I has to stand upright next to my top bunk bed with the book on the mattress and my face just above the metal bedframe. That way, when I fell asleep yet again, I would wake up by my jaw striking the steel bars. (Previously the book had succeeded in making me fall too deeply sleep, too quickly, to recover in a timely fashion.)
Even PG breaks this monster into nine volumes of .txt plus a preface: http://www.gutenberg.org/browse/authors/r#a1959
I can't imagine who could make an audiobook out of this, but the narcotizing effect would be powerful.
posted by wenestvedt at 10:24 AM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
Even PG breaks this monster into nine volumes of .txt plus a preface: http://www.gutenberg.org/browse/authors/r#a1959
I can't imagine who could make an audiobook out of this, but the narcotizing effect would be powerful.
posted by wenestvedt at 10:24 AM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
I can't imagine who could make an audiobook out of this, but the narcotizing effect would be powerful.
As a matter of fact...
posted by Iridic at 10:27 AM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
As a matter of fact...
posted by Iridic at 10:27 AM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
I've used both History of Philosophy Without Any Gaps and History of the English Language as soporifics, along with You Look Nice Today, The Pusscast, and my current go-to The Flop House. The key isn't that the text is boring, it's that there aren't any surprising, untoward dynamics like mid/late episode music or stings. The content can't be too boring (see When Diplomacy Fails) or my mind doesn't engage with it firmly enough to focus. It can't be too interesting, or I start actually paying attention.
posted by wotsac at 10:30 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by wotsac at 10:30 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
The trick to using an audiobook to help you sleep is you find one that is read with a pleasant voice, and is a book that you already know well. It's entertaining enough to hold your attention, but since you know what happens next, you can just relax into the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 10:51 AM on October 7, 2015
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 10:51 AM on October 7, 2015
I will have to check this out. I'm a huge fan of Sleep With Me, which I've never heard more than about 7 minutes of except for one night when he actually kept me awake for 10 minutes with a "TED talks" riff that was probably only funny to me.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:52 AM on October 7, 2015
posted by Lyn Never at 10:52 AM on October 7, 2015
Another Librivox option: Hegel's Introduction to the Philosophy of History.
I don't mean any knock on the reader (who sounds a bit like a serious-minded H. Jon Benjamin). It's simply the effect five hours of unceasing German Idealism has on the exhausted mind.
posted by Iridic at 10:55 AM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
I don't mean any knock on the reader (who sounds a bit like a serious-minded H. Jon Benjamin). It's simply the effect five hours of unceasing German Idealism has on the exhausted mind.
posted by Iridic at 10:55 AM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
Problems of Leninism by J. V. Stalin is my go to.
posted by three blind mice at 10:59 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by three blind mice at 10:59 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Around the time when my daughter was a newborn, I clung to BBC4's 'In Our Time' podcast as a life-saver for its soporific qualities. All those erudite and gentle (and mostly) British voices!
My attempts to study up on Perl regular expression parsing resulted in a lot of excellent zzzz-s. Mark Twain's "The Innocents Abroad" worked wonder too.
posted by of strange foe at 11:49 AM on October 7, 2015
My attempts to study up on Perl regular expression parsing resulted in a lot of excellent zzzz-s. Mark Twain's "The Innocents Abroad" worked wonder too.
posted by of strange foe at 11:49 AM on October 7, 2015
Iridic: As a matter of fact...
See!? They fell asleep on volume five -- scarcely halfway through!
posted by wenestvedt at 11:58 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
See!? They fell asleep on volume five -- scarcely halfway through!
posted by wenestvedt at 11:58 AM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
You know, Simon Winchester reads a lot of his own audiobooks.
Just sayin'
and Bill Bryson
posted by polecat at 1:13 PM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
Just sayin'
and Bill Bryson
posted by polecat at 1:13 PM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
I find old episodes of Law and order pretty good for falling asleep to.
posted by theora55 at 1:26 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by theora55 at 1:26 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
I would use a podcast of The Economist to get to sleep if and only if I had some sort of neurological quirk such that the experience of white-hot rage caused me to fall unconscious.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 1:32 PM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 1:32 PM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
The MTP L3, Message Transfer Part, Level 3, of the Signaling System no 7 protocol for setting up interswitch calls in the public telephone network is the ultimate mind-numbing read. As the lead on a software team trying to implement this many years ago, we had to parse this unparseable spec without nodding off. I quote:
--
4.4 Signalling link availability
4.4.1 When a previously unavailable signalling link becomes available again (see 3.2), signalling traffic may be transferred to the available signalling link by means of the changeback procedure. The traffic to be transferred is determined in accordance with the following criteria.
4.4.2 In the case when the link set, to which the available signalling link belongs, already carries signalling traffic on other signalling links in the link set, the traffic to be transferred includes the traffic for which the available signalling link is the normal one. Note that the assignment of the normal traffic to a signalling link may be changed during the changeback process taking into account, for example, system performance. The normal traffic is transferred from one or more signalling links, depending on the criteria applied
when the signalling link became unavailable (see 4.3.2), and upon the criteria applied if any of the alternative signalling link(s) themselves became unavailable, or available, in the meantime. If signalling links in the linkset are still unavailable, and if it is required for load balancing purposes, signalling traffic extra to that normally carried by any link might also be identified for diversion to the signalling link made available, and to other available links in the linkset.
This extra traffic is transferred from one or more signalling links.
4.4.3 In the case when the link set (combined link set) to which the available signalling links
belong, does not carry any signalling traffic [i.e. a link set (combined link set) has become available], the traffic to be transferred is the traffic for which the available link set (combined link set) has higher priority than the link set (combined link set) currently used.
The traffic is transferred from one or more link sets (combined link sets) and from one or more signalling links within each link set.
---
AND that's just what happens when signaling links are available, there's another bit on what to do when signaling links and linksets become unavailable....and that's just as bad!
posted by storybored at 2:33 PM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
--
4.4 Signalling link availability
4.4.1 When a previously unavailable signalling link becomes available again (see 3.2), signalling traffic may be transferred to the available signalling link by means of the changeback procedure. The traffic to be transferred is determined in accordance with the following criteria.
4.4.2 In the case when the link set, to which the available signalling link belongs, already carries signalling traffic on other signalling links in the link set, the traffic to be transferred includes the traffic for which the available signalling link is the normal one. Note that the assignment of the normal traffic to a signalling link may be changed during the changeback process taking into account, for example, system performance. The normal traffic is transferred from one or more signalling links, depending on the criteria applied
when the signalling link became unavailable (see 4.3.2), and upon the criteria applied if any of the alternative signalling link(s) themselves became unavailable, or available, in the meantime. If signalling links in the linkset are still unavailable, and if it is required for load balancing purposes, signalling traffic extra to that normally carried by any link might also be identified for diversion to the signalling link made available, and to other available links in the linkset.
This extra traffic is transferred from one or more signalling links.
4.4.3 In the case when the link set (combined link set) to which the available signalling links
belong, does not carry any signalling traffic [i.e. a link set (combined link set) has become available], the traffic to be transferred is the traffic for which the available link set (combined link set) has higher priority than the link set (combined link set) currently used.
The traffic is transferred from one or more link sets (combined link sets) and from one or more signalling links within each link set.
---
AND that's just what happens when signaling links are available, there's another bit on what to do when signaling links and linksets become unavailable....and that's just as bad!
posted by storybored at 2:33 PM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
Marx's Capital would have to be up there.
posted by smoke at 3:13 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by smoke at 3:13 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
todo: record podcast of chapters 13, 14, and 15 of Capital. Put in mechanical noises throughout, starting with the sounds of individual hand-held tools (hammers, saws, etc.), and gradually over the course of the podcast add in more noises from more and more complicated machines. by the end of chapter 15, the noises of gigantic pieces of machinery working should grow so loud that it actually drowns out the reading of the text.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 3:33 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 3:33 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
"Congressional Districting in Iowa"
Boring? I'd assume a document about Congressional Districting in any American Red State would be more rage-enducing.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:58 PM on October 7, 2015
Boring? I'd assume a document about Congressional Districting in any American Red State would be more rage-enducing.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:58 PM on October 7, 2015
An in-joke in many editions of the roleplaying game Call of Cthulhu is that, while The Golden Bough doesn't contain any Forbidden Knowledge Man Was Not Meant To Know and offers no ranks in the dangerous Cthulhu Mythos skill, it's so dreadfully dull in its extended version that it's the only mundane book that potentially causes loss of sanity points for reading.
posted by JHarris at 4:16 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by JHarris at 4:16 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
4.4.2 In the case when the link set, to which the available signalling link belongs, already carries signalling traffic on other signalling links in the link set, the traffic to be transferred includes the traffic for which the available signalling link is the normal one.
posted by storybored
EponysteriZZzzzz~~
posted by cynical pinnacle at 6:09 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by storybored
EponysteriZZzzzz~~
posted by cynical pinnacle at 6:09 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
I would pay money for a podcast of a baseball game, complete with play by play and crowd sounds, in which nothing exciting ever happens. The sound of baseball immediately lulls me to sleep. Yeah, I am a Cub fan.
posted by EvelynU at 6:18 PM on October 7, 2015
posted by EvelynU at 6:18 PM on October 7, 2015
EvelynU, once upon a time I went away to college, and my parents mailed me a cassette tape with half of a Gophers football game on it. (But maybe it was a Twins game?) That was actually a very fun thing to pop into my Walkman!
posted by wenestvedt at 6:34 PM on October 7, 2015
posted by wenestvedt at 6:34 PM on October 7, 2015
oneswellfoop: "Boring? I'd assume a document about Congressional Districting in any American Red State would be more rage-enducing."
Iowa re-districting is primarily done by a bi-partisan commission, which has set completely reasonable looking district boundaries, and is non-controversial. Iowa is actually pretty much the gold standard for good district drawing.
posted by Chrysostom at 6:37 PM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
Iowa re-districting is primarily done by a bi-partisan commission, which has set completely reasonable looking district boundaries, and is non-controversial. Iowa is actually pretty much the gold standard for good district drawing.
posted by Chrysostom at 6:37 PM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
I just set up Safari on my iPhone to read me all the digits of Pi and so far it's going sw
posted by firstdrop at 8:34 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by firstdrop at 8:34 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
My attempts to study up on Perl regular expression parsing resulted in a lot of excellent zzzz-s.
Hmph. I consider perl's regexp pattern matching to be high drama.
posted by telstar at 3:17 AM on October 8, 2015
Hmph. I consider perl's regexp pattern matching to be high drama.
posted by telstar at 3:17 AM on October 8, 2015
Samuel Johnson is perfect for falling asleep to. I have his Complete Works on Kindle and I read a bit every night. He was a proto-blogger, I guess; he wrote two essays a week, every week, for years for various newsletters. It hits this terrific sweet spot of being engaging enough to read, but boring enough to fall asleep to.
I set the display on my Kindle app to sepia and turn the brightness as low as it can go.
Usually knocks me out in 10 minutes, but on those rare occasions when I can't fall asleep, Sam Johnson's mildly edifying discourse keeps my brain from racing.
I'm only 7% through the book and I've had it for something like three years.
posted by spacewaitress at 8:14 AM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
I set the display on my Kindle app to sepia and turn the brightness as low as it can go.
Usually knocks me out in 10 minutes, but on those rare occasions when I can't fall asleep, Sam Johnson's mildly edifying discourse keeps my brain from racing.
I'm only 7% through the book and I've had it for something like three years.
posted by spacewaitress at 8:14 AM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
I love Asimov and I love BBC Radio adaptations but part three of the BBC adaptation of Isaac Asimov's Original Foundation Trilogy (previously) puts me to sleep in like three minutes, and I'm not making a joke here. Shit works.
posted by sidereal at 3:21 PM on October 8, 2015
posted by sidereal at 3:21 PM on October 8, 2015
Marx's Capital would have to be up there
I've been listening to this on libravox for the last couple months, and it's kind of weirdly trippy how I seem to come in and out of consciousness while I listen. I'm like, half daydreaming, and then we're talking about flax milling and then we're talking algebraic equivalancies of child labor hours to cotton, and then I'm dreaming again. I listened to the same 40 minute segment 3 or 4 times in a row before I realized I hadn't downloaded anything past that chapter and was just stuck on repeat.
posted by latkes at 9:52 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
I've been listening to this on libravox for the last couple months, and it's kind of weirdly trippy how I seem to come in and out of consciousness while I listen. I'm like, half daydreaming, and then we're talking about flax milling and then we're talking algebraic equivalancies of child labor hours to cotton, and then I'm dreaming again. I listened to the same 40 minute segment 3 or 4 times in a row before I realized I hadn't downloaded anything past that chapter and was just stuck on repeat.
posted by latkes at 9:52 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
uhhh but really though if you're listening on an audiobook, I recommend skipping the first three chapters and starting with chapter four. His analysis of the commodity form is brilliant, but I imagine it would be really hard to follow without being able to flip back and forth, and to wiki up stuff about the political economists he cites/uses terms from.
And I'd be too "wait what's this about coats and linen and magical dancing upside-down footstools?" to try to figure out what it's actually about.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 8:45 PM on October 10, 2015
And I'd be too "wait what's this about coats and linen and magical dancing upside-down footstools?" to try to figure out what it's actually about.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 8:45 PM on October 10, 2015
And I'd be too "wait what's this about coats and linen and magical dancing upside-down footstools?" to try to figure out what it's actually about.
Yes, this happened to me...
posted by latkes at 10:16 PM on October 11, 2015
Yes, this happened to me...
posted by latkes at 10:16 PM on October 11, 2015
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My wife and I had been considering starting a podcast consisting entirely of us reading unix man pages for this very purpose.
posted by phooky at 9:11 AM on October 7, 2015 [10 favorites]