Poopsi Blue

October 8, 2015 8:11 PM

If you are a human being who poops from your butt, you should consider viewing this informative Squatty Potty commercial. (Relevant previously.)
posted by swift (63 comments total)

I poop from my butt!
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 8:12 PM on October 8, 2015 [7 favorites]

*lights match*
posted by jonmc at 8:13 PM on October 8, 2015

thanks for the update!
posted by indubitable at 8:13 PM on October 8, 2015

...and if I don't?
posted by shakespeherian at 8:13 PM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]

I've heard multiple folks say that this thing changed their lives. Seriously.
posted by leotrotsky at 8:15 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

...and if I don't?

You'll explode when you're forty.
posted by jonmc at 8:16 PM on October 8, 2015 [6 favorites]

This thing is recommended so consistently and so glowingly on sites pregnant women frequent that I'm thinking maybe I should pick one up to get me through the next few months. (For those uninitiated, pregnancy tends to be a time of epic constipation.)
posted by town of cats at 8:24 PM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]

As much as I enjoyed this ad, I see that the product has been featured on Dr. Oz, which makes me think it must be entirely fraudulent.
posted by bicyclefish at 8:34 PM on October 8, 2015 [30 favorites]

Also called a Füt Stül. (aka: foot stool.)
posted by readymade at 8:35 PM on October 8, 2015 [6 favorites]

Best poops of my life were in squat toilets.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:39 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

..or, lean forward!
posted by bird internet at 8:54 PM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]

Thanks to this I had the occasion to say, "we just have to assume the poop haiku was actually there."
posted by tofu_crouton at 8:58 PM on October 8, 2015

I've quite liked the squat toilets I have used, but the featured product is probably a much more palatable middle ground for people accustomed to their sitting toilets.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:59 PM on October 8, 2015

INTRODUCING: THE FOOTSTOOL. Behold as a renaissance fair douchenozzle all but licks a unicorn's anus to sell you a fucking footstool!

Have you considered just selling footstools instead of introducing a new product? You won't even need to inject a bad pun into it because it's already in the fucking name. FOOT. STOOL.

STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
posted by phooky at 8:59 PM on October 8, 2015 [24 favorites]

I enjoyed this. But why can't people (North Americans?) just say shit (on the internet at least?)? Poop always sounds much fouler to my ear.
posted by jjderooy at 9:00 PM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]

because we might get TOSed by the AOL moderators
posted by DoctorFedora at 9:04 PM on October 8, 2015 [14 favorites]

We just got one (I opened the amazon package pretty much as this was being posted, oddly). With the amount of time a Crohn's patient spends on the toilet I figure it's worth having a bespoke pooping stool.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:24 PM on October 8, 2015 [5 favorites]

I came home from work the other day and discovered one of these things lurking under the toilet. Apparently we have some mice who have access to Amazon. Mrs. Creature swears by it, though! I personally find it to be kind of a hassle but will admit that it does seem to improve my throne-time.
posted by Doleful Creature at 9:30 PM on October 8, 2015

From a design perspective, it always irks me when you have to add a feature in order to get something to operate as it should when properly built in the first place.
posted by coolxcool=rad at 9:33 PM on October 8, 2015

Even If I don't get one, I've been laughing my ass off for ten straight minutes at the presentation. Now the hard part is figuring out who I can share that video with.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 9:34 PM on October 8, 2015 [4 favorites]

Some have wondered why I keep TWO ratty old Webster's Unabridged in there. This does look more washable.
posted by cookie-k at 9:37 PM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]

Man that unicorn puppet was disturbingly well-acted.
posted by emjaybee at 9:46 PM on October 8, 2015 [4 favorites]

Great, now I'll be humming "Stool Boom" for the rest of the evening.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 9:56 PM on October 8, 2015 [7 favorites]

I have a family member who swears by this thing.

OTOH, I've never forgotten Dooce's advice to make like you're riding a motorcycle.
posted by vignettist at 9:56 PM on October 8, 2015 [3 favorites]

Haha, yes, CBrachyrhynchos...I know my dad would laugh until he cried if he watched it but I'm not sure it's something I should send to him. Is this a weird thing for a daughter to send to her dad? I think it is. But maybe it'd be worth doing the weird thing because I know how hard it would make him laugh. So hard to know what's my daughterly obligation here.
posted by town of cats at 9:57 PM on October 8, 2015

psyllium fiber
posted by bukvich at 10:26 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

This commercial is good but waaaay too long.
posted by I-baLL at 11:40 PM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]

Do it, ToC, and report back. Please.
posted by five fresh fish at 12:12 AM on October 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

My favorite part is his shit-eating grin
posted by aubilenon at 1:26 AM on October 9, 2015 [4 favorites]

coolxcool=rad: "From a design perspective, it always irks me when you have to add a feature in order to get something to operate as it should when properly built in the first place."

No.

No no no. Asian style toilets suck when:

1) ...they're located in public restrooms, where some men apparently find it possible to miss the entire toilet and poop on the lip, in which case flushing does not remove the poop.
2) ...you're drunk and have a hard time balancing.
3) ...you've got diarrhea and will be spending a decent amount of time squatting.
4) ...you're constipated and will be spending a decent amount of time squatting.

This, on the other hand, would appear to offer all the benefits of a squat toilet, without the drawbacks (well, except for in public restrooms, in which case it will probably get peed on)
posted by Bugbread at 1:48 AM on October 9, 2015

Psyllium powder with gold leaf glitter. Makes your shit sparkle.

Psyllium powder in gel caps with concentrated dye, to be ingested (a different color) every hour. Poop the rainbow.

There's good money to be made from this shit!
posted by five fresh fish at 1:50 AM on October 9, 2015 [2 favorites]

I've never understood why putting your feet up in the air is any different than say leaning forward, which apparently is the worst thing in the world to do according to at least one gastro I've seen. I would have went for a fancier name for the device, like the shoopy-doopy-stoop-and-poopy.
posted by mcrandello at 2:06 AM on October 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

Also FFF if you're looking for recipes let me recommend G2- Blueberry Pomegranite sports drink and corn. I won't spoil the surprise.
posted by mcrandello at 2:07 AM on October 9, 2015 [4 favorites]

I purchased one in a household of four men. Absolutely recommend it, their marketing aside.

The thing is clearly designed for homes with men where they primarily stand to pee, because it tucks under the bowl when not in use, unlike an ordinary footstool. Ergo, it gets peed on very little, and it cleans up very handily.

Oh, and if you haven't tried a squat toilet, it's very hard to describe how it's better. It's easiest to try it. Everyone who's tried ours said they prefer it to an ordinary American toilet. Faster, cleaner, lower effort.
posted by kochbeck at 2:32 AM on October 9, 2015

I own this.One of the best things I've purchased ever.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 2:42 AM on October 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

Hi. My name is Phredward, and I poop from my butt.

They called the pooping animal pegasus but it is clearly a unicorn.

I look forward to a future where they partner with a bidet attachment company.
posted by Phredward at 4:27 AM on October 9, 2015

I've never understood why putting your feet up in the air is any different than say leaning forward, which apparently is the worst thing in the world to do according to at least one gastro I've seen.

I don't understand this either. Cognitively I know there must be a good reason, but i've never heard anyone actually explain it.
posted by emptythought at 4:44 AM on October 9, 2015

You guys, over on their web site they also sell bidet attachments for your toilet and no-poo-stink spray.

It's basically one-stop-shopping for your butt.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:48 AM on October 9, 2015 [3 favorites]

oh god that was eponysterical wasn't it
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:48 AM on October 9, 2015 [9 favorites]

MetaFilter: one-stop-shopping for your butt.
posted by Fizz at 5:00 AM on October 9, 2015 [5 favorites]

I was an output analyser at a toilet design bureau, but I gave up when I realised I was just going through the motions.

#getscoat
posted by Devonian at 6:15 AM on October 9, 2015 [5 favorites]

Late-forties male. Seriously, altering position to be more squat-based is one of the best things I've ever done, healthwise. During evacuation, there's less friction and more probability of (a) an unbroken poop and (b) the feeling of a full, rather than an unsatisfying partial, emptying.

You may now return to your meal or whatever you were regretting eating while reading this thread
posted by Wordshore at 6:27 AM on October 9, 2015 [4 favorites]

I currently have a trapped nerve in my right shoulder and have to sit bolt upright as leaning forward puts too much strain through my shoulders and kicks off pins and needles right down my arm. The good news is that I can report no reduction in throughput quality.
posted by biffa at 6:40 AM on October 9, 2015

Just in time for Christmas! Will this be the Snuggie of 2015?
posted by emjaybee at 7:02 AM on October 9, 2015

and if I don't?

Keep a ready supply of colostomy bags handy.
posted by hwyengr at 7:15 AM on October 9, 2015

The real realization is when you're at work and don't have your Squatty Potty with you.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 7:19 AM on October 9, 2015

My youngest son used to stand on the toilet and squat to poo and I'd be all 'sit on the toilet properly!' I feel like a right charlie now. I guess I better tell him he was right all along and the good thing is, now that he's 10 I don't ever, ever have to witness it again.
posted by h00py at 7:32 AM on October 9, 2015 [2 favorites]

I look forward to a future where they partner with a bidet attachment company.

So, like a combination of foot bath hydrotherapy and a squat booster? Brilliant! Get some sort of robotic pedicure thing going on in there and you'll soon own the world!
posted by five fresh fish at 7:35 AM on October 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

combination of foot bath hydrotherapy and a squat booster

I look forward to the day I can just lean back into my Necessaries Pod and be embraced by a dozen or more internally heated robot arms that will clip my nails and rub my back and wipe my nose and ass and wash my armpits and it's like performing all your bodily functions at once inside an enormous tender and loving crab *eyes begin vibrating*
posted by phooky at 8:16 AM on October 9, 2015 [8 favorites]

I like that the guy was billed as the Prince of Poop and I really really hope it is down as exactly that on his resume.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:23 AM on October 9, 2015

"I've never understood why putting your feet up in the air is any different than say leaning forward, which apparently is the worst thing in the world to do according to at least one gastro I've seen."

Wait, I'm confused. When do you put your feet up in the air? Are you referring to when you're pooping?

Because if you are then putting your feet up in the air aims in a different direction than leaning forward.
posted by I-baLL at 8:56 AM on October 9, 2015

I look forward to a future where they partner with a bidet attachment company.

They have! THE FUTURE IS TODAY!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:03 AM on October 9, 2015

"I've never understood why putting your feet up in the air is any different than say leaning forward, which apparently is the worst thing in the world to do according to at least one gastro I've seen."

Lifting up your legs makes your abdomen all tensed up, no? That does seem like the worst thing to do.

I got one of these a couple years, and it's amazing. Seriously. And I didn't even have issues like the ones it claims to address. ...Just short legs. Maybe it's being able to have my feet solidly against something that makes the difference, but it sure is a difference.

Also, that ice cream/unicorn poo looks mighty tasty.
posted by Maladroid at 11:12 AM on October 9, 2015

Yeah when I said feet up in the air (My kingdom for an editor!) I should have typed "on a stool" although I see how that could lead to another sort of misunderstanding given the thread topic. I mean, if your feet are up, or if you're leaning over, what's the difference, is it not the angle of the dangle, but the hypotenuse of the goose?
posted by mcrandello at 11:53 AM on October 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

MNPTIU
posted by soplerfo at 12:59 PM on October 9, 2015

I grew up squatting in Vietnam. When I came here, I was squatting on top of the toilets for the longest time until I got too heavy to squat on such a small area for longer than a few minutes. Anyways, I still squat for the finish if I'm at home, because you really can empty out everything and wipe cleaner. I'm tempted to get this so my shins get a break from squatting on the seat.

#themoreyouknowaboutthingsyoudidn'twannaknowaboutfellowmefites
posted by numaner at 1:57 PM on October 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

When I came here, I was squatting on top of the toilets for the longest time

This reminds me of the no-squatting signs I've seen, though other than footprints on the seat it's hard to see an actual problem with it.

I mean, if your feet are up, or if you're leaning over, what's the difference, is it not the angle of the dangle, but the hypotenuse of the goose?

I would have thought that the key difference was in having all your weight on your feet while squatting versus your weight on your butt and your feet on the stool, but I've never tried the stool so maybe there really is no difference.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:49 PM on October 9, 2015

I mean, if your feet are up, or if you're leaning over, what's the difference, is it not the angle of the dangle, but the hypotenuse of the goose?

So! Some, um, empirical testing I have conducted since this thread opened reveals that raising the feet results in a greater feeling of tension along the back of the thighs than leaning forward alone, indicating that the mechanics are different. The effect on output efficiency was impressive.

I don't know if there's anything particularly special going on there. I think it's just that this helps you get a much more acute angle than you would achieve by leaning alone.

My conclusion: squatting involves both bending forward and raising the legs. Leaning is only half the motion.
posted by howfar at 11:28 PM on October 9, 2015

Bending forward is insufficient to release the muscles.. The knees need to be raised above the hips, like when you're squatting. If leaning forward worked anatomically, this glorious contribution to modern life wouldn't have been invented.

I have the bamboo model in our bathroom. White plastic looks like a kids toy to me. And a stack of books on the floor looks like... A stack of books on the floor of yr bathroom. Not my aesthetic.

DEFINNITELY want to get a bidet attachment, but want to make sure it's one that has temperature control. Because an arctic blast to the anus will cleanse... But ooooh, cold.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 11:26 AM on October 10, 2015

MetaFilter: because an arctic blast to the anus will cleanse.
posted by Wordshore at 12:19 PM on October 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

Arctic Blast to the Anus is my punk rock band that does covers of Nickleback.
posted by five fresh fish at 4:53 PM on October 10, 2015 [6 favorites]

This is an interesting article on squatting.

It comes from a strength-training perspective, but it goes into the benefits of being able to do an ass-to-the-grass Deep Bodyweight (aka "Third World") Squat, and why most of us who live in an environment of chairs & toilets have lost the ability (as well as how to work on regaining it)
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 12:40 PM on October 11, 2015 [4 favorites]

We were just comparing this over the weekend. A friend of mine who grew up in Columbia, but I guess in a more developed area of the country, was unable to squat properly. His thighs had to be really far apart, and he couldn't physically squat with his feet closer than like 2 ft. The rest of us that grew up in SE Asian countries were able to squat just fine.
posted by numaner at 9:57 AM on October 13, 2015 [1 favorite]