Gif that's what's for dinner
October 22, 2015 11:20 AM   Subscribe



 
Replace the Oreos in those brownies with Thin Mints.

You can thank me later.
posted by paulcole at 11:22 AM on October 22, 2015 [12 favorites]


Monkey bread is like pudding chomeur in that once you realize how easy it is to make because you have everything you need right fucking there in your pantry, three weeks and four pounds pass by and you see that you have made A LOT of pudding chomeur.
posted by Kitteh at 11:24 AM on October 22, 2015 [8 favorites]


The first two made me very hungry.
I think the PES guacamole needs some text, though.
posted by MtDewd at 11:25 AM on October 22, 2015 [2 favorites]


Ha! Sterling's idea of a margarita is two hookers in a hot tub.
posted by Malory Archer at 11:26 AM on October 22, 2015 [14 favorites]


pudding chomeur

Welp, I'm in trouble now.
posted by quaking fajita at 11:33 AM on October 22, 2015 [4 favorites]


Also, the apple roses link goes to the homemade nutella gif. Here's the right link.
posted by quaking fajita at 11:36 AM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


Oh monkey bread, I love you so much.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:37 AM on October 22, 2015 [2 favorites]


This one for chocolate fudge has me obsessed since a friend posted it on facebook - I want to try it (how can it get easier?) but I can't figure out how that could possibly turn into anything that would in any way be considered fudge.
posted by Mchelly at 11:40 AM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


Ok that apple rose looks pretty damned awesome. I anticipate it being a big catering item in about 2 months.
posted by vuron at 11:40 AM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


Finally people doing video cooking recipes figured out that you could edit those cooking shows a little more aggressively... as much as I love cooking shows, most should be about 2 minutes long.
posted by GuyZero at 11:41 AM on October 22, 2015 [11 favorites]


The homemade Nutella looks a lot runnier than the real stuff. How might one remedy that?
posted by Thorzdad at 11:46 AM on October 22, 2015


Ah, it's only mock monkey bread. (Contains no actual monkeys😢)
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:46 AM on October 22, 2015 [7 favorites]


Mchelly, condensed milk chocolate fudge/"fudge" totally works. I would use better chocolate though.

Here's the recipe my sister uses. I think. Close enough, anyway.
posted by quaking fajita at 11:47 AM on October 22, 2015 [3 favorites]


These are awesome! The stop-frame animation on the Mozzarella Sticks one is particularly lovely and reminds me of 1970s Eastern European animations only with more industrial cheese and cheetohs. OTOH the Monkey Bread looks positively pornographic.
posted by Nelson at 11:47 AM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


It's very sad that I actually had to leave Quebec to eat pudding chomeur, but OH MY GOD IT IS AMAZING. (and too too easy to make)
posted by Kitteh at 11:50 AM on October 22, 2015


The apple roses look awesome... and easy! Will definitely make those this weekend.
posted by Laura in Canada at 11:53 AM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


Mod note: Fixed apple roses link.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 12:02 PM on October 22, 2015


Also, I have made homemade Nutella many times and when the recipe tells you it will last two months in the fridge, they are damn liars.
posted by Kitteh at 12:03 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


Can you fix that PES guac link too it makes 0 sense to me.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:04 PM on October 22, 2015


condensed milk chocolate fudge/"fudge" totally works

Yes. Especially when you add rum.
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:04 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


Ice Cream Sandwich Cake is my favorite one I've seen so far!

Please oh please can we have allow images in this thread?
posted by fragmede at 12:15 PM on October 22, 2015 [5 favorites]


How'd they make these GIFs so long? Most services I know of limit you to 15 seconds top.
posted by monospace at 12:20 PM on October 22, 2015


That monkey bread is missing a layer of pecans at the bottom of the pan.
posted by florencetnoa at 12:21 PM on October 22, 2015 [2 favorites]


People confused by the guac recipe may find the full video with audio helpful. By the same chef, Western Spaghetti and Submarine Sandwich.
posted by oh.ghoulin at 12:23 PM on October 22, 2015 [6 favorites]


I like these! The monkey bread one made me growl like a cat watching a bird. But their brevity does skew them heavily towards "hack together some convenience ingredients" rather than "make from scratch."

And yes, I was going to note that "PES Guacamole" is a gif ganked from the short film; PES previously on Metafilter.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 12:28 PM on October 22, 2015 [2 favorites]


People need to stop trying to make baked avocados happen. Yes, it seems like it should work. Yes, the egg looks pretty against the green avocado. In reality, it's just horrendous. The texture goes weird and the taste just disappears and since the experience of avocado is about 90% texture and 10% flavour it's a terrible idea. If you want a low-carb avocado situation, just eat one with a spoon and some salt and lime OR if you just really want to get some eggs involved, make guacamole egg salad (1/2 guacamole and 1/2 chopped hardboiled eggs by volume, that's it) and have some on a lettuce leaf or better yet forget that low-carb nonsense and have it on rye bread.
posted by cilantro at 12:29 PM on October 22, 2015 [43 favorites]


People need to stop trying to make baked avocados happen.
posted by cilantro


Flagged as 'conflict of interest'.
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:37 PM on October 22, 2015 [42 favorites]


I want all PES's kitchen equipment from the Western Spaghetti one. Every single thing w/ possible exception of cheese grater is better than its counterpart in my kitchen. That's why I can't do anything in the kitchen and whereas PES can make delicious food out of hand grenades and monopoly houses.
posted by Don Pepino at 12:39 PM on October 22, 2015 [3 favorites]


That wet Monkey Bread ta daa! shot makes me want to barf.
It's what the inside of your colon looks like after you eat that Monkey Bread.
posted by chococat at 12:44 PM on October 22, 2015 [7 favorites]


HOMEMADE NUTELLA

TESTIFY
posted by Foci for Analysis at 12:49 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


Monkey Bread is a foul deception, a Trojan Horse that delivers hateful flour lumps into your body by costuming them in a tasty cinnamon-sugar glaze. JUST EAT THE FUCKING GLAZE, PEOPLE
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:20 PM on October 22, 2015 [3 favorites]


Archer's Margarita: Five ingredients: tequila, cuantro [sic], lime juice, ice and kosher salt.

OK. I think that's just called a margarita. And I'm also pretty sure that for it to be called a recipe it should include the method of preparation and the amounts.
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 1:27 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


My cousin has made the apple roses. And I'm thinking homemade nutella sounds good, it could be so much less sweet. I've had the baked avocado, but with cheese. Cheese helps.

BTW here is an excellent pouding chomeur recipe, if you're not so much a chomeur.
posted by jeather at 1:32 PM on October 22, 2015 [2 favorites]


Equal parts lime, kwontro, Tequila. Skip the salt.
posted by notyou at 1:37 PM on October 22, 2015


paulcole: Replace the Oreos in those brownies with Thin Mints.

You can thank me later.


Now that's what I call "Better Than Sex Brownies". Using Oreos in the recipe renders them "Half-hearted Handjob Brownies" at best.
posted by dr_dank at 1:38 PM on October 22, 2015 [9 favorites]


This is my favorite thing I have seen on Metafilter in a long time!
posted by OmieWise at 1:41 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


OK. I think that's just called a margarita.

The context is someone brought him a magarita made with sour mix.
Which as we all know is madness.
posted by madajb at 2:08 PM on October 22, 2015 [4 favorites]


That pizza dip was disgusting, in a runny-gloopy-evisceration kind of way.

Plus it uses cream cheese. The only role for cream cheese is in desserts -- sweets. It is thoroughly abhorrent in savory roles where actual cheeses can shine in their multiple ways. Yes, I will forever judge anyone who uses cream cheese like this.

It's even worse than using graham cracker as crusts.
posted by yesster at 2:09 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


Oh, so that's why there were so photos of apple roses on facebook over Canadian Thanksgiving! They do look pretty cool.
posted by btfreek at 2:22 PM on October 22, 2015


i'm so upset about the unspeakable proliferation of dips. what is this endless hell parade of glutinous ooze and why is it happening to humanity

where did we go astray
posted by poffin boffin at 2:23 PM on October 22, 2015 [4 favorites]


That wet Monkey Bread ta daa! shot makes me want to barf.

why is it glistening so ominously
posted by poffin boffin at 2:26 PM on October 22, 2015 [3 favorites]


How'd they make these GIFs so long? Most services I know of limit you to 15 seconds top.

The ability to create a GIF is not solely in the hands of Big Photo Hosting.
posted by hellphish at 2:54 PM on October 22, 2015 [3 favorites]


But cream cheese and neeses hot country sausage is so good in a crockpots!
posted by oceanjesse at 2:57 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


The only role for cream cheese is in desserts

Have you not heard of the bagel?
posted by jeather at 3:04 PM on October 22, 2015 [12 favorites]


bagel is OK

Things that aren't OK: "crab rangoons," stuffed peppers, chip dips, soups, gravy, that sort of thing. There's an almost limitless menu of real cheese for that.
posted by yesster at 3:07 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


monospace: "How'd they make these GIFs so long? Most services I know of limit you to 15 seconds top."


These aren't GIFs. They're actually WEBM videos.
posted by WaylandSmith at 3:07 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


That pizza dip was disgusting, in a runny-gloopy-evisceration kind of way.

Possibly would be better with some basil, sun dried tomato, and minced garlic? (But then it turns into a caprese dip, so might as well put a bit of balsamic on the bread too)

Just a random thought.
posted by FJT at 3:31 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


A couple of weeks ago my hair stylist gave me one of those apple roses as a snack. I've got his ticket now!
posted by marylynn at 4:02 PM on October 22, 2015


Things that aren't OK: "crab rangoons," stuffed peppers, chip dips, soups, gravy, that sort of thing. There's an almost limitless menu of real cheese for that.

Cream cheese are made of these. Who am I to disagree? I've traveled the world and the seven seas. Everybody's looking for snack food.
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:24 PM on October 22, 2015 [19 favorites]


How'd they make these GIFs so long? Most services I know of limit you to 15 seconds top.

Photoshop
posted by tzikeh at 4:32 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


...I wonder what would happen if I layered in leaves of prosciutto into the apple roses?
posted by The Whelk at 4:33 PM on October 22, 2015 [4 favorites]


just about every food is better when dipped into a morass of gloopy dairy

you and your dairy privilege DISGUST MEEEEE
posted by poffin boffin at 4:36 PM on October 22, 2015


a pox upon the house of nog
posted by poffin boffin at 4:37 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


And a nog upon the house of pox.
posted by boo_radley at 4:42 PM on October 22, 2015


Baking an egg in an avocado results in a product that is less than the sum of its parts.
posted by sourwookie at 4:44 PM on October 22, 2015 [9 favorites]


Went to look up pouding chĂ´meur and did a double take. My grandma used to make this and call it Depression Pudding. My grandma was also born and raised in Ohio, didn't move out of the state until the late 70s, and now I have to grapple with the possibility she was secretly a French Canadian or something.
posted by offalark at 4:51 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


Lots O' Pox dipping sauce
posted by The Whelk at 4:54 PM on October 22, 2015


pox on fox with lox in socks
posted by poffin boffin at 5:04 PM on October 22, 2015


in a box on rocks
posted by floweringjudas at 5:15 PM on October 22, 2015


Replace the Oreos in those brownies with Thin Mints.

I have done Thin Mint brownies and I must warn you all: if you do not have that protective layer of cookie dough below them, you will have effectively welded your brownies into your pan.
posted by pwnguin at 5:19 PM on October 22, 2015 [4 favorites]


I made a post about PES' short films a few months back. They're great, but that one was only included in this post probably as a joke.

(It is a funny joke, though!)
posted by JHarris at 5:24 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


This one for chocolate fudge has me obsessed since a friend posted it on facebook - I want to try it (how can it get easier?) but I can't figure out how that could possibly turn into anything that would in any way be considered fudge.

It completely works. I have made it many times. In fact it's my "go-to" for those horrible office "holiday pot luck lunch" things where I really don't want to bring anything. And everyone RAVES. It's like that commercial for Rice Krispies where the mom is in the kitchen alone watching TV or something, then she throws some Rice Krispy Treats together, and tosses a handful of flour into her face before walking out with them, so the family will think she's been slaving away for hours instead of loafing.

A couple tips: When I make it, I toss in a teaspoon of vanilla. I like using dark chocolate chips. You can add nuts if you like. Have a dish lined with buttered wax paper to pour it into when you pull it out of the microwave, then spread it in the dish and chill - without the buttered wax paper it can be hard to get out of the dish.

(I believe Nigella Lawson has also promulgated this recipe somewhere.)
posted by dnash at 5:29 PM on October 22, 2015 [2 favorites]


You may also be interested in /r/shittyfoodporn, the recipe for which is 2 parts food trainwreck and 1 part frozen section glamor shots.

Probably, the sub is better off without animation.
posted by pwnguin at 6:05 PM on October 22, 2015 [4 favorites]


Things that aren't OK: "crab rangoons," stuffed peppers, chip dips, soups, gravy, that sort of thing. There's an almost limitless menu of real cheese for that.

Okay, but crab rangoon with actual crabmeat is LIFE-ALTERINGLY GOOD.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:08 PM on October 22, 2015 [2 favorites]


I have a similar condensed milk fudge recipe, handed down from my great-grandmother.

Just Like See's Chocolate Fudge (5 lbs!!)

1 can evap. milk
4 c. sugar
28 regular marshmallows
2 sticks butter
3 pkg. (6oz.) semi-sweet chocolate chips
dash kosher salt
1 tsp. vanilla
loaf or baking pan, greased (buttered)

Combine milk and sugar in large saucepan, stir well. (Important.) Have burner already heated to high heat, and a burner set to low simmer. Place saucepan on high heat burner and constantly stir until rolling boil. Then move pan to low simmer burner. DO NOT STIR NOW! Simmer on low for 4 min. After 4 min, remove from heat and add rest of ingredients. Stir very gently & slowly, just to melt marshmallows. Pour into loaf or baking pan. Refrigerate 12 hours before cutting.

--
I seriously made 20 pounds of this last Christmas, and it all disappeared. Instead of buttering the pan, I line it with baking parchment, even if there are some wrinkles, and pour the fudge in. When it's chilled, it just taps right out, the parchment peels off, and it's ready to be cut up.
posted by xedrik at 6:22 PM on October 22, 2015 [4 favorites]


The one for spring rolls always makes me want fried spring rolls.
posted by limeonaire at 6:30 PM on October 22, 2015


I can't get the fudge link to work on mobile, but I have a dead simple condensed milk recipe for the microwave, which may be the same.

Heat condensed milk in microwave. Add 18 oz of chocolate to 1 can worth. Splash of vanilla. Nuts if you've got em. Stir everything into hot milk. Pour into lined 8x8 dish, or smaller if you want thicker fudge. Cool in fridge. Done.

Now if someone could do a gif on getting a dacquoise right, that'd be awesome.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 6:44 PM on October 22, 2015


A gif of soylent would be the 4'33" of this genre.
posted by machaus at 6:51 PM on October 22, 2015 [3 favorites]


Why couldn't we leave animated gifs in the 90s where they belong?
posted by primethyme at 7:10 PM on October 22, 2015


People, please. The word is "Cointreau".

What is this, Auschwitz?


More likely it's Spain...in the 30s.
posted by enjoymoreradio at 9:00 PM on October 22, 2015


I am so hungry
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:57 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


What could I use instead of apricot preserves for those apple roses? I kind of want to use apple butter to achieve peak apple, but is there a reason that wouldn't work? God, I want to make them immediately, with fleur de sel caramel drizzled on top.
posted by yasaman at 10:31 PM on October 22, 2015


I think that apricot preserves are traditional in pastry for the purposes of sticking things together or for example brushing over cakes before frosting/icing to keep the crumbs from coming loose and ruining everything - mainly because it's almost flavourless. I don't know if apple butter would serve the same purpose here but you could probably use any other kind of jam or preserve if apricot isn't your thing. I'd probably go for elderlfower jam.
posted by cilantro at 12:58 AM on October 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


A) Most of these look gross.

B) I'm always amused by (I assume) american recipes of the form 'cookie recipe: ingredients: 1 package of cookie dough, 1 cup of some crap to put on top of them and pretend you made cookies from a recipe'.
posted by signal at 5:05 AM on October 23, 2015 [3 favorites]


JHarris you may be one of the few people (other than me, PES, and youtube commenters) who has cared about or noticed this:

OXO ad (PES was a consultant, but he didn't make it)
IKEA Malaysia ad (as far as I can tell, PES had nothing to do with it)

So similar, right down to the plinky piano. Boo.
posted by 41swans at 5:31 AM on October 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


When you stare into the biscuit can the biscuit can stares back into you.
posted by Nelson at 6:42 AM on October 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


I made a post about PES' short films a few months back. They're great, but that one was only included in this post probably as a joke.

(It is a funny joke, though!)


It's funny, but oddly enough it also works as a recipe, as long as you realize that baseball=onion and light bulb=jalapeĂąo etc.
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 6:59 AM on October 23, 2015


That Archer Margarita one would be awesome, except it irks me to no end that Cointreau is horribly misspelled.

(But had I seen that gif years ago, the first time I asked for it in a liquor store I might not have pronounced it COIN-trow. During that same trip, I found that if you ask for "Grand Mariner" right afterwards, you basically need to find a new liquor store.)
posted by crLLC at 7:20 AM on October 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


Plus it uses cream cheese. The only role for cream cheese is in desserts -- sweets. It is thoroughly abhorrent in savory roles where actual cheeses can shine in their multiple ways. Yes, I will forever judge anyone who uses cream cheese like this.

Dude, relax. Cream cheese mashed potatoes are the BOMB.

Also: good combined with salsa.

Or with your fingers, out of the package, and maybe some crackers.

I miss cream cheese. Damn you lactose intolerance.
posted by emjaybee at 7:21 AM on October 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm always amused by (I assume) american recipes of the form 'cookie recipe: ingredients: 1 package of cookie dough, 1 cup of some crap to put on top of them and pretend you made cookies from a recipe'.

I am ok with premade cookie dough/cake mix cakes in kid-feeding situations, because then they can help and kids don't care about the taste as much as the sprinkles or frosting. And I can throw the uneaten stuff away without guilt.

But if I'm actually baking for stuff that tastes good, then only scratch will do.
posted by emjaybee at 7:24 AM on October 23, 2015


Plus it uses cream cheese. The only role for cream cheese is in desserts -- sweets. It is thoroughly abhorrent in savory roles where actual cheeses can shine in their multiple ways. Yes, I will forever judge anyone who uses cream cheese like this.

Clearly you have not tried my Healthy Thanksgiving Spinach
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:24 AM on October 23, 2015 [3 favorites]


and then I spent about half an hour screaming into the void

I click on those recipes now before reblogging because heather would be sad if you had a biscuit stroke
posted by poffin boffin at 8:35 AM on October 23, 2015


Cream cheese mashed potatoes are the BOMB.

Okay but consider this: SOUR CREAM
posted by poffin boffin at 8:35 AM on October 23, 2015 [4 favorites]


Yes, God, ugh, appalling. I couldn't even finish watching the Oxo, and the Ikea, while it arguably becomes a new and worthy thing eventually, still leaves me wishing I hadn't seen it and feeling in need of a hot bath because it rips off the butter/post-it knifescrape then pan-tap. Just outright flat steals it. Right down to the paperscrape sound. That is satanic evil.

On the bright side, I can use this to teach illiterates what plagiarism is, so thanks, Ikea.
posted by Don Pepino at 8:58 AM on October 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


Also, thanks, showbiz_liz! I am absolutely doing that this exact November.

And further, I don't think appleroses would work with applebutter because it's texturally wrong as people have said, you need the sticky provided by the apricot preserves, but also key you need the acid. Would probably work with marmalade?
posted by Don Pepino at 9:10 AM on October 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


low-carb nonsense and have it on rye bread.
posted by cilantro at 12:29 PM on October 22 [37 favorites +] [!]


easy for you to say when your a1c isn't rising through the stratosphere.
;-)

posted by pjmoy at 4:45 PM on October 23, 2015


In a spirit of scientific inquiry, I have just prepared and placed into the oven jeather's pouding chomeur recipe. I shall report back within the hour.
posted by davidjmcgee at 6:45 PM on October 23, 2015


Report: OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM OMG NOM NOM
posted by davidjmcgee at 7:25 PM on October 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


Okay but consider this: SOUR CREAM

Okay but creme fraiche.

Game, set, match.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:51 AM on October 24, 2015


smetana byeee
posted by poffin boffin at 7:43 AM on October 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


They call it Cuatro in some countries that aren't the United States.
posted by oceanjesse at 12:26 PM on October 24, 2015


We call it triple sec, they call it cuatro
posted by oceanjesse at 12:28 PM on October 24, 2015


It's a bigger number because it's more advanced - they can count to higher numbers. They
posted by oceanjesse at 12:29 PM on October 24, 2015


why do you always win poffin boffin

is not fair

(noms on roast potatoes tossed with garlic yogourt)
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:59 PM on October 24, 2015


I seriously don't understand the "macho" attitude that makes people pretend drinks like the margarita don't have simple syrup or other sweetener in them.

Margarita A'la bswinburn (and a whole bunch of other people who like good drinks)

2 3/4 ounce tequila
1 1/2 ounce fresh lime juice
1/4 ounce triple sec/orange liquor (Controy preferred, but go crazy).
3/4 ounce simple syrup

Shake over ice.

Pour over crushed ice in a highball glass, salted rim or not as perfected.

In proportions it's the same as a classic daiquiri (1 part sweet, 2 parts tart, 4 parts booze), this is because some recipes just work.

Drink up metafilter.
posted by bswinburn at 11:16 AM on October 26, 2015


a new one
posted by growabrain at 12:58 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


This obession with gooey pull apart bread and dips is the true sign of America's downfall as a global power.
posted by The Whelk at 1:10 PM on October 27, 2015


I like the part where I stick my hand into the skillet and just shovel it into my face.
posted by Nelson at 1:31 PM on October 27, 2015


This obession with gooey pull apart bread and dips is the true sign of America's downfall as a global power.

I've always assumed it was our obsession with putting wheels on every bag every person ever doesn't have to carry anymore.
posted by OmieWise at 6:15 AM on October 28, 2015


I seriously don't understand the "macho" attitude that makes people pretend drinks like the margarita don't have simple syrup or other sweetener in them.

The International Bartenders Association's specifications for margeritas don't call for additional sweetener. Cointreau or other orange flavored liqueurs are already sweet, and honestly the full measure of cointreau called for in the IBA's recipe is too sweet for me.
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 7:20 AM on October 28, 2015


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