Transgender Day of Remembrance
November 20, 2015 2:12 PM   Subscribe

November 20, 2015 is the seventeenth annual International Transgender Day of Rememberance and ends Transgender Awareness Week.

Three ways to observe the day. Remember them as they lived not as they died.

If you need help: The Trevor Project, Trans Lifeline (run by and for transpeople), support outside the US, resources and community for teens.
posted by ladyriffraff (26 comments total) 26 users marked this as a favorite
 
I also highly encourage that if people want to donate to support transgender people in unfortunate circumstances, please look into your local transgender health clinics and LGBTQ shelters, which support trans people who are displaced or forced out of their homes by unsupportive families. I don't really recommend donating to really large nonprofits, since they don't often work hyperlocally. There are also signal boosts and personal fundraising websites, if you search for it.

This comes from my first internship experience, where I shadowed my mentor, who worked tirelessly to support transgender people from the entire county for transition resources, HIV/AIDs help, hormones, transporting them to shelters, and also just making sure that they don't die. So, so severely underfunded. I hope to be able to learn enough to reciprocate to her all her kindness in sharing with me their struggles. Thanks to OP for making this post.
posted by yueliang at 2:21 PM on November 20, 2015 [12 favorites]


Due to a couple of massively distressing things that have come to light over the past 24 hours I'm having a really hard time convincing myself that life is worth sticking around for today and the irony is not lost on me that this is happening on TDoR.

There are no dots large or dark enough to convey the holes in my heart for every trans person who suffers this world.
posted by Annika Cicada at 2:26 PM on November 20, 2015 [26 favorites]


The Trans Murder That Started a Movement: Hester’s case is no exception. Reopened by Boston Police in 2006, it remains unsolved. There were no signs of forced entry, nothing was stolen from her apartment, and there are no suspects, only rumors. It is possible that her assailant is still alive and it is only cold comfort to consider that, as time goes on, it has become harder and harder for him to avoid the name and face of the woman he killed.

The best memorial to Vicky Thompson? To fight for trans rights: Vicky Thompson’s death should never have happened, but it must not be for nothing. She was a trans woman locked away in a men’s prison.

Why The "T" Matters to the LGBT Movement More Than Ever: The LGBT experience is not monolithic. The intersections of sexual orientation, gender, gender expression, class and race all have critical bearing on the lived experiences of each person in our many communities. Our focus is on the shared cause of seeking fairness and dignity. Our job is to actively listen to the transgender as well as the lesbian, gay, bisexual and intersex communities, and to identify how best we can use impact litigation, public policy advocacy and education to serve the needs, concerns and experiences of all these communities as a whole. That is what it means to be part of a movement.

A Cisgender Lesbian's TDOR Message to Trans Women: We are clearly in a state of emergency. None of our communities are immune to this crisis of brutality and violence tha's rooted in racism, homophobia, and transphobia.

Trans Deaths, White Privilege It snowed hard on Jan. 26. The subways closed that night. The day before I’d gone to services at Riverside Church. Sitting in the pews, staring at stained glass, I’d felt the power of God shining on me like a bright light.

Later, I talked to a friend about the thing I’d felt. My friend, an astrophysicist at Columbia, is a trans woman, too. We are both white.

They found Ty Underwood’s body in her car that day. She was a black trans woman, a nursing assistant who lived in Tyler, Tex.


Annika Cicada, sending love and support to you.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 2:28 PM on November 20, 2015 [10 favorites]


Annika, I think we're still in the same city. Let me know if you need to hang out in my living room and pet the cat or something.
posted by hoyland at 2:28 PM on November 20, 2015 [9 favorites]


Artists Envision Justice for 2015 Trans Day of Resilience

Annika, sending you all the love and support for you <3
posted by yueliang at 2:32 PM on November 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


Trans Housing Network
A temporary housing network intended to connect trans people in need with safe and supportive places to crash. if you have or are in need of a couch, floor, or spare room, submit a post with any relevant information you're willing to share and we'll try and connect you with others near you.
posted by yueliang at 2:35 PM on November 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


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posted by mikurski at 2:38 PM on November 20, 2015


"We speak their names often only when they can no longer speak back. Today as many recognize #TransDayofRemembrance, let's interrogate why it takes severe instances of trauma (death, murder, killing, sexual assault and/or arrest) of trans women of color to actually recognize and #sayhername." - janet mock
posted by nadawi at 2:53 PM on November 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


Annika, I think we're still in the same city. Let me know if you need to hang out in my living room and pet the cat or something.

And this is why this site has meaning. This what I talk about when people ask what makes it different from any other place where people post links and try to make jokes about them.
posted by emptythought at 2:57 PM on November 20, 2015 [7 favorites]


Thank you for this post.

If anyone is looking for excellent (Bay Area-based) organizations to donate to/volunteer for:
TGI Justice Project
Transgender Law Center
posted by rtha at 3:04 PM on November 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


Thank you all for adding links and info to the post. I looked most of the day for one from someone else and I refuse to let it pass without something. More resources are awesome and my fb feed is filled with personal stories and local links. Hugs, companionship, solidarity to anyone who needs it today, or any day.

#sayhername
posted by ladyriffraff at 3:10 PM on November 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


List of Transgender Health Clinics
posted by yueliang at 3:27 PM on November 20, 2015


Karis Anne Ross, whom I knew under a different name and in a different body, gave me some of my best, most fun memories during some of the least fun years of my life (hello, middle school).

I would have liked you even if you weren't beautiful, but you were. When you were able to make the changes you needed, you were absolutely luminous.

Love to everyone, even the rotten apples.
posted by St. Hubbins at 3:53 PM on November 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'm home with my love now, feeling a lot better. Thanks everyone.
posted by Annika Cicada at 4:08 PM on November 20, 2015 [35 favorites]


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posted by biggreenplant at 5:03 PM on November 20, 2015


I have some pretty strong feelings about Trans Awareness Week and how it changes the focus and feel of TDoR, how it makes it about the living instead of remembering the dead.

I knew someone who took her own life this year, due to the abuse and lack of acceptance she found in her family and the world at large. She died very young. She'll never got to live a life she wanted, that she could stand. She never will. Robbed from this world by nothing more than bigotry and spite. She mattered. She still does.

I remember you Sophia Butler.
posted by Dysk at 5:47 PM on November 20, 2015 [12 favorites]


Annika, my email and inbox is open. I read you pretty often as a stong voice on MeFi regarding these thinga, and you would be missed.

I think you should go put on your favorite best dress/skirt/pants (or comfy sweats or whatever) and then do chores or something mundane, or dance yourself silly. Nothing like vacuuming the house in something fancy to bring the silly back and drive away the stink of haters. Or having high tea just because.
posted by loquacious at 7:03 PM on November 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


Hugs Dysk. Sophia had a tough situation. It's really sad.
posted by Annika Cicada at 7:13 PM on November 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


.

Now that I am "passing" as male, it hurts to think about how many people I have become acquainted with who would treat me completely differently if they knew I was trans.

A while ago, I came upon the realization that most, if not all, of the internal struggles I've had with myself because of my gender have shifted to external struggles with society: my state is fighting a legal battle to justify and perpetuate their discrimination against people like me; my "trans"-ness mars what other attractive qualities I might have to potential partners, or else turns my existence into a sexual fetish; I feel like I'll never be able to have normal (i.e. without intense fear of public bathrooms, traveling, and what would happen if I ever got jumped) life in the world without having complication-prone surgeries which I'm not sure are worth flaying my forearm off to have; the fact that having a job and getting an education in an environment where I'm not discriminated against is something I'm grateful for, rather than just the everyday.

This world sets you up to fail. And I can say that even having it better than a majority of trans people in the world.

Remembrance is not enough.
posted by sevenofspades at 7:56 PM on November 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


I took my young (3, 1) kids to our local Trans Day of Remembrance vigil tonight and brought greetings from the politician I work for (who raised the trans flag over our legislature in a different city this morning). My 3 year old asked me what the event was for, and I had one of those amazing parenting moments where I had to think on the fly and distill a complicated thing into an honest and clear explanation that a young child would be satisfied with. Or I tried. I said something to the effect of "When babies are born, doctors and parents decide if the the baby is a girl or a boy. Sometimes the babies grow up and realize they are something different. Like (friend of ours). Some other people are scared and don't understand this, so they hurt or kill the people. We are here tonight to remember all the people who were hurt or killed and to think about what we can do to make the world safe for everyone."

I don't know how much he understands, he is only 3.5, but I think it's important that even at this age he is exposed to both injustice and activism. We are a queer family and we owe many of our rights to the movement that trans* people helmed and then were thrown under the bus by. My kids are going to be white, middle-class, (probably but who knows) men, and I want them to know what the world is like for everyone else.

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posted by arcticwoman at 8:10 PM on November 20, 2015 [7 favorites]


. for Sophia. . for all our brothers and sisters lost.

While my daughter is not trans, she was frequently misgendered growing up. She asked me about gender identity way before she asked about the birds and bees. Now, she's a teenaged activist, and she and her friends give me hope for the future. My town recently came up with a trans-inclusive policy for our schools. The public reaction was overwhelmingly positive. On our school parent Facebook page, the few negative comments were blasted with support for the policy and calling out the bigotry. Things are getting better. Not quick enough, by any means, and not enough to heal the hurt now. Sending my love and support for everyone who continues to push forward, cutting down the jungle of hate with fingernail clippers, and for everyone who was cut down. Thank you.
posted by Ruki at 8:46 PM on November 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


So, this Shabbat evening another genderqueer Jewish friend came over for the usual rituals and dinner. We read the TDoM list, said Kaddish and the traditional prayer for martyrs.

But our main topic of discussion was the wonderful plan made by our allies at our traditionalist Conservative synagogue. Whether or not they knew it was TAW, they found a way to convert one of our solo use toddler-equipped restrooms into a solo adult restroom! It's right by the stairs and elevator. Money is always an issue there, so in spite of my still being in rehab after my car accident last year, I am donating the toilet, ADA grab bars and the plumbing expertise. Yay allies!

Things DO get better.
posted by Dreidl at 11:10 PM on November 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


Looking back on this year, my biggest contributions have been to make sure a good friend knows I see him as a man, and to press other people to see him in the same light; to make sure that a client had her identity respected in court and that everyone there used feminine pronouns for her; and to say the names of trans people who have had their lives stolen this year, to post the news and press other cis people to take trans issues seriously.

These things feel hopelessly small.
posted by bile and syntax at 10:48 AM on November 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


I always have a difficult time with something like this. I know how difficult it has been for so many other transgender women and to some extent feel guilty. I began my transition in my late 20's and by 33 had completed the RLT, changed my legal name in a Cambridge Courtroom, been to Neenah and started a new chapter. Whether it was white privilege, luck of a mostly accepting then (fully now) family, a strong if polarising set of friends and a series of really good flatmates, I don't know. I made it through with surprisingly little overt abuse amongst my circles. A shit ton of anxiety, a metric ton of stupidity, a bucket line of embarrassments and failures both personal and professional through the whole process. A few dangerous occurrences.

What I hadn't realised until reading through the links was how important the folks I'd spend evenings with at that pizza place in Harvard Square were. I was there with other trans folks when the OKC bombing took place and I frantically called my brother that worked in the building next door. I knew Robin Goldstein, I knew Nancy Nangeroni, I knew others. I almost certainly would have met Rita Hester. But I never developed friendships with them. I just needed a safe place to get through my own journey and they were a part of the community I found in Cambridge in the 1990's. They made that possible. Thank you.

I left the US in 1997. A little less than a year and a half before Rita Hester was murdered. I don't remember if I twigged what had happened or if I was even following Boston news any more. I'd suddenly found myself working for a Big 6 firm in Europe as a management consultant. My life had opened up in front of me and I failed to look back.

I'm trying to look back more these days. I'm also finally trying to deal with some of the abuse and pain I'd tucked away from those years in my adolescence and early adulthood. There's still damage to deal with. I hope to get to a point that I'm able to help others.
posted by michswiss at 2:03 AM on November 22, 2015 [2 favorites]


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posted by domo at 9:11 AM on November 23, 2015


Hey, a few days late but thanks for posting something. On Friday, I went to the local TDOR vigil and saw (trans) poets DarkMatter. It was extremely powerful. "It gets better" really only applies to some people. Usually trans men. For many trans women, it never gets better. I personally know homeless, unemployed trans women who have been physically assaulted just for existing. They're in their 30s and 40s. As a trans man I have committed to doing whatever I can to make things safer for my trans siblings. It's really fucking scary out there.
posted by desjardins at 6:06 PM on November 23, 2015 [3 favorites]


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